The Eldunarí had not been gentle in their expressions of displeasure when Arya and Fírnen had approached them after having not spoken to them in almost four months. She hadn't even told them she was leaving for Ilirea after taking Roran and his family to Carvahall. They had expected her to return much sooner.
It shocked her that they had known of her pregnancy seemingly long before she did. They knew the moment she came within proximity on her first visit after returning from bidding Eragon farewell. Fírnen had known the moment the child's life started. She was the last to know, excluding Eragon, and she was the one carrying the child.
Fírnen had a hard time experiencing the painful upheaval of emotions in his Rider after she'd been told this because he knew he was to blame. He didn't regret keeping the information from her though. If he had told her, she might've told Eragon, and he would have stayed when he needed to go for the sake of the dragons.
He knew Arya had just taken a few steps backwards in the progress she had made in the mental battle she was struggling with.
Their teachers had her express the reasons for conceiving a child, and she told them everything, trying her hardest to keep her voice from shaking or cracking; from showing her weakness; the depression she was fighting with. She even went so far as to repeat the wards she had used on herself and Eragon, not to belittle how much she loved her child, but to show them that she had taken the most responsible course of action when in a situation like that.
They found no fault in the spell that was cast. She could not have lied, as she spoke in the Ancient Language. The Eldunarí couldn't give her answers.
Regardless, they had much to discuss.
Eventually, the conversation had been guided towards the news of the sixteen eggs found hidden within Ilirea. One of those was given to Vanir to transport across Alagaësia in hopes that it would hatch, just like he did with Eylörís' egg. Another had hatched for Elva, leaving fourteen eggs to reside within Ellesméra.
Arya told them of banishing Vanir for his insensitivity towards all cultures as well as his insults to her. Thankfully the Eldunarí found that punishment justified.
She told them of Shruikan's Eldunarí, who they had found with the rest of the dragon eggs. She told them of how he grieved in a pain that had been allowed to build and fester for far too long. She let them know that he meant no harm and that he wanted to help rebuild what he was forced to destroy.
Then… she told them about Eila and Eylörís. Eila, who was a half-Elf, born of Galbatorix and Freydis Dröttningu. Arya made sure to explain in heavy detail the kind of person Eila was and stressed to them that she had seen more pain in her thirty-four year lifespan than anyone Arya knew and had ever known. She only hoped the Eldunarí would find it in themselves to set their anger aside and treat Eila with the kindness she both deserved and needed.
Finally, the Eldunarí gave their report of the land, except they called for Eila, Eylörís, Elva, and Kitlàn to be in attendance firstly.
Fírnen sent for them because Arya couldn't mentally cross the distance needed. Her ability to use magic had dwindled to nearly nothing save for mental communication only over a short-distance. That being said, she was entirely unprotected against magical attacks as well. Thankfully, she was safe in Ellesméra.
In the silence that pursued, Arya pulled her cloak even tighter around her body despite the growing warmth of the day. She didn't want to look up at the three Eldunarí that sat on the padded cushions she had placed for them so they all could be outside. They were kept in Oromis' home when left to be with themselves. She brought them outside so they could see the sunrise.
Fírnen nuzzled against her shoulder and she looked up at him with both hurt and fleeting appreciation. She just wished he had told her sooner that he did, or perhaps that she was wise enough to realize it herself.
She suddenly felt very young and foolish. Too young to have a child. Too foolish to care enough for herself to realize she was going to have a child at all. What did that say about the sort of parent she'd be? Neglectful. It sat like a poison in her brain.
There was never a time in her life where she'd felt so insecure about herself or her abilities.
By the time their new apprentices arrived, Arya was rotting in her own mind as she had shut Fírnen out because of how upset she was with him and herself. The Eldunarí had preoccupied themselves in conversation that didn't include her and Fírnen, probably because they could sense her distress and her need to work it out on her own.
She'd need a lot more time.
Regardless, she smiled when the two dragons had landed on the lush and grassy terrain, carrying their young Riders who dismounted swiftly. Their wide and curious eyes scanned their surroundings, taking in everything that they could.
They bowed to her and she to them, then they straightened and bowed to the Eldunarí.
"Eila, Elva, Eylörís, and Kitlàn, I'd like you to meet Netzach, Wya, and Vastïl, our teachers." Arya did her best to brush off her earlier concerns in favor of composure and non-imposing authority.
Arya watched carefully as both young women bowed, then struggled with their dragons to get them to bow as well. Eylörís went more willingly than Kitlàn did. Both were still young and overly prideful. She couldn't help but remember when Fírnen was that way. He still was in some respects.
"You both are curious." Netzach spoke low, his voice smoother than honey in tea. His Eldunarí was the color of lightning: bright blues with hints of purple. It shone with his life within.
Eila's nervous eyes met Arya's and the Elf offered a soft smile to hopefully silently reassure her cousin that everything would be okay.
"Elva, daughter of none, I wish to inquire about the nature of your soul." Netzach's voice was gentle, but it was also intimidating.
"I am human. Nothing more aside from a magician and now a Rider. I was cursed a few days after I was born yet also blessed by a dragon within a few minutes of being cursed. The curse was mended, but it wasn't entirely lifted. That's the way I wanted it. I wanted to be useful still." She answered truthfully, then bowed slightly when she finished speaking.
"Hmm." A different voice came through. Vastïl, a female dragon with a silver Eldunarí then spoke with an accent similar to the one Eila possessed, though Eila did all she could to suppress it whenever it slipped. "You are interesting and dangerous. Your training will need to be adjusted to encompass what you are capable of."
Elva nodded. "My only focus is the safety of everyone around me as well as learning to control what I have. I'd be the first to admit that I am afraid of my theurgical power, and more specifically, losing control." She took a deep breath. "Angela the Herbalist has volunteered to instruct me in those arts and that was long before I was a Rider. I understand it isn't my place to determine who my teachers will be, but I would like to learn from both her and from Arya Ebrithil, as I believe both can offer unique training in the world of magical sciences." Kitlàn rubbed against her shoulder in support, and she looked over at him with compassion.
"That course of action is deemed appropriate." Vastïl said in her gentle tones. "Give us time to ponder over your lesson plans. We shall be in communication with Arya and Fírnen as we decide on these matters. For now, it would be best to browse the library to help educate yourself on basic forms of magic. You may be able to use magic, but you are lacking the foundations which will help you grow into a mature magician. Arya shall help you in your studies."
Elva nodded. "Yes, Ebrithil. Thank you."
Their attention turned to Eila and a long silence grew as they pondered between themselves.
"Eila, daughter of Freydis Dröttningu. We wish to inquire about your past." Netzach spoke low and with authority.
"What would you like to know?" Eila straightened.
"Your mind is broken, though it is like a stained-glass window, whole again, yet not as it was. You have restructured your mind through much toil, and the result has proven worth your effort, has it not?" Wya was the one to speak, her swirling maroon colored Eldunarí seemed to glisten and dance in the rising morning sun.
"I face challenges that now seek to tear down that progress. I unfortunately haven't had the chance to appreciate the work I've wrought as I am focused on not allowing that window to shatter again. In the years that I lost myself, I did horrible, terrible, twisted things that entirely contradicts my existence today. I am glad to have found the strength in the complete darkness that was living in Urû'baen. I was able to regain my sense of self and cease the destruction I ended up causing, though my father worked tirelessly to break my mind again. Like scar tissue, my mind became stronger in the places where it was mended, and the tactics he used no longer worked as efficiently as they used to. If this had not been the case, I surely would have died." Her icy blue eyes bore into Wya's Eldunarí.
Elva watched from her place a few feet away and was surprised to hear Eila's true accent instead of her imitated one based on the humans that surrounded her in Ilirea. Her tone was full of emotion and power, and suddenly, Elva felt she might understand why Eila chose to hide her accent: she might have used it to gain control over others in an activity aggressively forced on her. It was also the accent held by her father.
Despite all of these things, Elva decided she really liked Eila's accent because of how well it matched the person she was. It was gentle and unique and…
Elva looked down and threw the walls up around her mind as her cheeks pinkened.
… arousing.
She felt Vastïl brush against her mind, so after composing herself, she let the silver dragon in. "Your feelings are strong for two-legs, half-Elf, Eila."
Elva could tell this was a private conversation based on the way Vastïl's mind felt within her own. "I will not lie to you and say you are wrong."
Vastïl nodded in the image she gave of herself to Elva. Her scales glinted like polished steel armor. "And I am confident of the nature of which your feelings take. The true question is whether or not Eila reciprocates."
Elva looked at Vastïl's Eldunarí. "She does reciprocate. I am nervous to tell you that we have been courting for the past three weeks, as I am unsure of the sort of permissions or denials that will come with that. I do want to make this as clear as possible: my intentions are only to help her. She grew up in a world devoid of warmth and comfort and affection. She hasn't known what those feelings are when it comes from someone else. Eylörís gives her love and affections and care; that is natural. However, when it comes from a significant other in an intimate way…" Elva trailed, preferring to share with Vastïl her emotions instead of words as those could describe what she was trying to say in a better way than words ever could.
Elva let the dragon feel how strongly Eila experienced those things and how grateful she was to have that in her life. Eila was learning how to love and trust another person in an intensely intimate way for the first time in her life. Their relationship meant the world to both of them, as Elva also expressed her own hopelessness for ever being truly understood. She was understood by Eila and what an overwhelming relief that was.
Vastïl let Elva's emotional explanation sit for a moment after the young human was finished sharing what she needed to and more.
Meanwhile the conversation between Wya, Netzach, and Eila continued, as Eila let herself be as open as she could comfortably be with these strangers who were to be her teachers. They just needed to know she didn't mean any malice towards them or any group of people aside from the small batch of Galbatorix' remaining sympathizers, and even still, she'd try to make them see the evil that Galbatorix wrought on their minds firstly.
Arya was proud of how much Eila was willing to share. She even talked a little bit about the sort of education she received under Galbatorix' thumb, including her training with Durza in swordplay as well as dark magic.
When the conversation withdrew, Arya could sense that the Eldunarí approved of Eylörís' rather controversial choice in hatching for Eila. The white and blue dragon was visibly filled with pride when she happily let her tail brush along Eila's arm. Eila let her hand open to feel Eylörís' affections and she smiled with more confidence.
As Elva watched the happy smile on Eila's features, she felt Vastïl ponder over the discussion she would have with her fellow Eldunarí, though she chose to wait until their next meeting to bring it up to the whole group. Elva was thankful for that. She now had the chance to talk it over with her partner.
"Now all except a few have been settled." Vastïl spoke and everyone felt Netzach and Wya approve.
"With all things seen and heard and scented, the egg for the Dwarves remains intact. Their efforts are wide and great. They summon their people from far and wide." Netzach said in his honeyed tones.
"The egg has yet to choose a Rider. It shall remain for two years with the Dwarves before it is circulated to either the human kingdoms or the tribes of the Urgralgra. Those same conditions apply to the other collectives which have been supplied an egg as well. It is in the best interest for the dragons who reside within the eggs." Wya stated with authority.
"And yet, in the Spine, where the Urgralgra have traveled, an egg has hatched for a young Kull."
Arya's jaw dropped. "Male for female, may I ask?"
"The dragon is male." Vastïl offered.
"And how far along are they into their trek here? Do they know they need to come here?" She let her hand rest atop her belly when she felt Juniper kick her. He must've just woken up, because he wasn't moving much before.
"On the edge of our forest." Netzach answered. "A few days from now is all you will have to wait, though it would be a good experience to send either Elva or Eila to greet them. We have been in communication with them and have been guiding them on their journey here for the past six weeks."
"I'll go." Elva answered. "It won't be hard for us to find them I don't think, and the trip shouldn't last very long, especially if the dragon is six weeks old."
"Very well. Elva, you and Kitlàn will leave tomorrow at dawn. For now, rest and pack what you need. Eila, you will work with Arya on meditation, and Eylörís, you are to work with Fírnen on the agility you possess in flight. You are all dismissed." Wya stated and all three women bowed to them, their dragons following shortly behind.
Once Eila and Elva left, Arya stayed behind to put the Eldunarí back in their place, keeping her mind hidden away while she worked through the task; keeping her shame and guilt a secret.
Her body worked on its own as her thoughts grew deeper and darker. She felt Fírnen nudge against her a few times, but she was just too upset to let him in.
She felt like she just wanted to be left alone for a while. She needed space and time away from all the pity. She was fine. Not fragile. Incompetent and afraid, sure, but not incapable and feeble.
How she wished she could feel differently about the situation. She loved her son, she really did, but she was scared he wouldn't receive the proper care and emotional support like she did growing up because she didn't have a very good role model to show her what that was like. She was paranoid that he was going to grow bitter about the world like she did at such a young age. Everyone grew bitter at some point, but usually they were able to pull themselves out and lead more optimistic lives. She just wanted him to have a happy childhood: one where he knew he was loved and valued and cared about, and that he knew he wouldn't be ignored or pushed aside.
She wished Eragon was here. He was good with kids, she knew he was. She had watched him and Saphira play with the children while traveling with the Varden. That had been a secret. He never knew how much her eyes began following him once she realized her feelings for him. He had matured into someone she felt was more an equal. War had stolen his youthful outlook and she felt selfish for being glad for his mental shift into adulthood. Then again, Nasuada's youth had been stolen much earlier.
When he returned, would he be any different? Would the influence of the Eldunarí have impacted him? Would he seem older? Hardened? She liked the soft childlike glint his eyes would get sometimes when he was happy or excited about something. Would that be gone?
Her head was starting to hurt and she wanted rest. She wasn't hungry, but she knew she needed to eat. Vomiting during the early hours of the day was still a common occurrence and she skipped breakfast. She was exhausted and she knew it was from her own mental and emotional fatigue as well as from the baby. She just felt weary. She wanted to feel normal again; okay again.
Her life would never be the same and she was reluctant to let it go.
She looked down at herself as she leaned against the doorframe of Oromis' hut and let her hands slide along the swell of her front. She asked the tailors to make new clothing for her the same day Eila and Elva were fitted for their own. They had to take her measurements as well. What she wore now was a tunic that had ties which she could adjust for when the baby grew. She also had a few new tunics of a stretchier material for more comfortable use. No dresses. She wanted to avoid wearing dresses until she couldn't avoid it any longer. They were too drafty. Too exposing.
The baby kicked and she let her palm rest against the place where he nudged her. She pushed back gently with her thumb and only a moment later did she feel him return the gesture. A soft smile spread across her lips. She wanted to hold him and play with his little fingers. She wanted to be closer to him even though he was literally within her.
She just didn't like pregnancy for many reasons. It would be okay once he was born. She hoped it would be okay once he was born.
Her gaze drifted to Fírnen. He was sitting like a cat with all of his feet tucked up under him as he observed the world from their vantage point. His back was to her. A pang of guilt washed over her for blocking him out.
He hurt her, though. Or at least… had the potential to save her a lot of turmoil and self-loathing, yet he chose to withhold the news of her impending motherhood.
With a few cautious steps, she approached the green dragon, then sat down next to him and leaned against his leg, wanting to be close. His skin was always warm and she was growing cold. The wind was picking up, sweeping away the warmth that once was promised. Clouds bubbled in the southeast, and she decided it might rain later. Spring showers, she thought.
Her hands cradled her belly and she closed her eyes, taking comfort in the silence that surrounded them.
A/N: Patience. I've been dealing with external and internal issues. Firstly, if you read the Author's notes, you may know that I've started going to school for a new career. The course load is heavy and despite wanting to write, my career comes first. My brain is exhausted though and it's hard to balance everything. I'm adjusting, it might not be like this for an extended period, but please. Be patient with me.
Secondly, in terms of the story, I realize it was very Arya-centered in the beginning, though it has started to shift to focus more on Eila. Understand that Arya is in a place familiar to her. It's home. For Eila, it's new and strange. The controversy around her existence (and her relationship with Elva) is the driving force of the story at the moment, but it will start to shift back to Arya soon (time is needed to encourage her character development when it comes to the baby). Things like this come in waves, at least in my head they do. I want to show you Eila the way I see Eila, that means character building/development. I know Eila isn't canon, and so to some it may be entirely pointless to build her. I care about her, though, and I'm going to build her as I would want because she is important. Again, I ask kindly for patience.
Also, I realize now that I told you wrongly. Eila's name is pronounced 'Eh-lah' or 'Ay-la' almost. Her name does start with an 'E', so keep that in mind. I have a weird accent that is a mix of about four or five different regions around the world, so the way I speak is phonetically very different than a lot of people in Narnia. I listen to a lot of foreign music and I don't talk to a lot of people nor do I get out very much. Your accent is built around the people you exist around as you grow and learn. I sometimes only have music to learn from. That sounds unfortunate, but honestly, I'm fine, trust me on that and it's not one of those 'I'm gonna say I'm fine, but I'm not' type of things. It just frustrates me when people do that. Just be straight forward with people, they're just trying to help. Now I'm ranting, forgive me.
I hope this chapter has met your expectations :)
-Lady Arlo