POV: Jordan

I ran through the school's halls tearing down each damn poster I hung up, crying and sniffling as I walked past concerned animals. I was angry at the world, angry at Alex. I knew the anger was stupid and pointless. But damnit! I had spent three years pining over one wolf who didn't even feel the same way. I had the right to be angry!

Stupid, idiot, why did I think he liked me!?

He had told me he loved me. But he didn't love me, he never loved me. He liked someone else, and I wondered who it was.

I just finished ripping off another poster, another part of me that I was glad I was tearing away. I never wanted to see him again, I just wanted him to leave forever and never come back! There was no point in any of this shit that I did around school, no point in freaking out over him. I hated every second, every minute, every hour and day. Because he was never going to love me. Me. He didn't care about me, he just said he did because there was nothing else to say. Him saying "he loved me" hurt more than the rejection I had prepared for.

I threw away the posters in the nearest trash can, seething with anger and crying. I clenched my fists so hard, that I didn't even care about the pain from my claws. The pain in my heart hurt more than anything else this world could throw at me.

I just wanted to scream, to yell at the world, to yell at him . I held it in though, waiting for the time where I could finally let my emotions out. I just had to keep it together for a little while longer. No doubt Mrs. Baker would be furious that I tore down each and every single poster we had spent hours working on. None of it mattered anymore since my soul was crushed from Alex rejecting me.

But he told me he loved me!

I wiped my eyes and panted heavily, trying to keep the emotions under control. I needed to get away from everyone before I put myself in a situation I didn't want to be in. Before I accidentally killed someone around me. I was prepared to do it, my temper was one of the few things that got me in trouble. And I was ready to attack anyone who got near me.

My phone rang and Alex's picture popped up. "Leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed, tossing my phone off the school balcony. It crashed against the floor, the flimsy case I had put on barely protected it, and its internal components shattered everywhere. "Whatever," I said, sniffling. Someone coughed behind me and I turned my head baring my fangs. The sheep looked at me and ran away screaming.

I walked past bathrooms, angry from the thoughts of him that haunted me each time I looked in. Each time I saw him on the flood, each time I muffled a scream. I knew they weren't real, they were just hallucinations. But I knew eventually I would snap and I would think they were real. Then I would really be the freak of the school. The snow leopard who died from unrequited love, a befitting title for an animal like me.

I slammed my fists against a locker, breathing heavily and holding back tears, holding back everything. I just wanted to go back in time and never say the things I did. I just wanted him to forget, I wanted to forget everything that happened.

I slid my back down the lockers and cried into my knees, nobody was around to hear me, nobody was around to care. Whatever, it didn't matter to me, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted the whole world to forget I existed, I wanted the pain to go away. Each time I thought I was over it, it never was. It always came back, always tortured me with its stupid pain. It felt like someone just grabbed my heart and squeezed as hard as they could. I hoped it would burst out of my chest, maybe then the pain would finally go away.

I got to my feet, hands trembling and head pounding. I needed to get out of here, I needed to leave this school forever. There wasn't anything for me here, nobody cared about me here, nobody loved me here. I was just this big dumb, useless snow leopard who thought a wolf liked her. Who thought a fucking wolf liked her. I couldn't help but laugh at myself for thinking that way. It was just a big mess of emotions.

But no matter what I thought, no matter what I said to myself, I still loved Alex. I still loved his grey eyes, his grey and white fur, his tall stature, his lean build that was still somehow muscular. I loved everything about him, I wanted him to be mine. But he didn't want to be mine, he just wanted to sulk in that damn hospital room and cut himself into a million little pieces.

Be my guest you asshole!

Heels clicked down the hallway behind me, and I turned around to see a complacent Mrs. Baker. Seeing her like that was even more terrifying than seeing her when she was actually angry. Her eyes were dead set on mine, and her strut had confidence, chin up, shoulders raised.

What is it now?!

She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot. "Really Jordan?"

"Just leave me alone!" I tried to walk away from her but she followed. "Why can you just leave me alone!?"

"You just tore down every single poster you hung up for Alex, not to mention you scared so many students that reports are flooding in!"

"So what?! It's not like it matters anyway!" I ran off, and hid in one of the bathrooms. There was no other place to go, and my heart pounded in my chest.

"Jordan," Mrs. Baker said, her voice echoing in the bathroom. "Seriously, what has gotten into you?"

Alex has gotten into me. He won't leave my head!

"Why does it matter to you!" I said.

I heard her sigh and say as she walked away, "you're right, it doesn't matter to me. See me in my office later, we can discuss this when you're in more of a mood to talk."

I ran out of the bathroom, watching as she walked away. "You're just a bitch like everyone else!" I was hoping she would stop to defend herself, but she kept on walking.

I walked away and headed for my dorm room, my head spinning. I hated every second I felt like this, every breathing moment was just a mess of emotions and hormones. But I still couldn't stop thinking about Alex, it made me feel horrible inside. It made me feel so angry at the world, at me, and at him. Why couldn't he just love me? Why couldn't he just see how much I cared for him?! My mind always tried to remind me that he was a bad idea, but of course, me being me, I ignored it.

Do you want to know what I did after he told me he didn't love me? After I watched him walk back into that hospital? I sat in the dorm room and cried for six hours, six hours. I didn't even know I had that much tears in my body. Honestly, I didn't even think I could do that. But I guess when something sends you over the edge and you have no other way to express it, you just cry.

My roommates tried to comfort me, but eventually they had to leave because they couldn't deal with the crying and screaming. I don't blame them, I mean, what are they supposed to do in that situation? Stephanie tried tough love, which made me feel worse. Carly tried to be nice and supportive, handing me tissues and wiping my nose because my hands were shaking too much. Didn't matter, the pain wouldn't go away. Emma stayed the whole time though, she stayed in that dorm room and listened to me cry, I think it was because she had homework to do since she put in earbuds and ignored me.

The whole night was a mess, the day after it was a mess as well. I didn't pay attention in class since I stayed up all night crying. I didn't talk, didn't eat, I just sat there like a robot. That's when I had the idea just to destroy everything I had of Alex, the posters, the phone, all of it. I wanted it all to burn, but the trash was the next best thing, and I didn't regret any of it.

I pushed open the dorm room, the room that smelled like felines and bags of chips. Carly was reading a book upside down on her bed, Stephanie was doing yoga on her new neon yellow yoga mat and Emma had her glasses on, working on homework and making banter towards both of them. The conversation stopped when I walked in though, and I slumped onto my bed and turned over.

"Do we say something?" Emma said out loud and was immediately shushed by everyone. "What? There's no point in pretending she can't hear us, it's Jordan for Christ sakes!"

Carly fell off the bed and nudged my shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? You might feel better."

I turned over to glare at her, to glare at everyone. "He said he didn't love me, that's it, ok? Now, just leave me alone!"

Emma sighed. "I'm sure he didn't say it like that. In fact, I don't think he said that at all, it's just your brain messing up everything. I am taking a psychology class you know and-"

"Emma! He didn't have to say it! I could see it in his eyes!"

Emma lowered her eyes, peeking out from underneath her glasses. "It's not fair to us to hear you wailing for six hours, then not tell us what happened." I stared at her for a couple seconds longer and she rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Jordan! You're better than this!" her voice rose and everyone gave her a concerned look. "You can go around the school tearing down each and every single poster, whatever. But I thought you were better than this! I thought you were going to make a difference in this school, show everyone how we're treated. But this!?" She pointed towards my now teary eyes. "This isn't the Jordan I signed up to help."

I stood up from the bed, getting close to her face. "I didn't ask for your help!" I turned to look at everyone. "I didn't ask for anyone's help! You all decided to just shove your way into my business and pretend you did everything!"

Carly spoke up. "Jordan, that's not true, we just wanted to help you. But you're making it so difficult for us to even do anything!"

"Then don't do anything! I didn't ask for your help!"

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You idiot, do you think screaming at us and getting angry is going to make him love you? It's clear he doesn't like you that way, so just leave it be!"

I sat down on my bed, hiding my face, hiding away the tears and the pain. Nobody was on my side, I had pushed everyone away, I even pushed away the animal I loved the most. "Why can't he just love me?" I whispered. "Why can't he just see me for who I am?"

Missing him is dark grey alone. Forgetting him is like trying to know somebody you've never met. But loving him is red.

Emma sat down next to me and I leaned on her shoulder. "Why is it so hard just for him to understand the way I feel about him? Why can't he just love me the way I love him? Is it really that hard?"

Emma looked at everyone else. "Sometimes, the people we love don't love us back the way we want them to. It's not their fault, and it's not our fault. Sometimes, they show their love in other ways, whether it be a nice outing or an animal to talk to. Either way, love shows itself in multiple ways, it's not always a mutual thing.

I like to think he does love you, but like you said, not the way you want him to. But sitting in this room, crying, getting angry, destroying him and trying to forget, it's not going to help anything. He knows you love him, and what you're doing around the school proves that. But don't throw it all away because one animal didn't share the same feelings. Think about all the other animals you're going to be helping. So...don't do it for him, do it for everyone else. Do it for the animals who are also suffering, do it for the animals who believe they don't have a place in this world, do it for the animals who are hurting just as you are."

Emma was right, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.

Getting angry wouldn't solve the problem, but my feelings were justified, I just wanted him to love him. Nobody was going to tell it to my face, but I was selfish for thinking that way. At least I knew what I was doing was wrong, was stupid and irrelevant. I just wanted him to love me for who I was, for what I was capable of doing. He didn't reciprocate those feelings, but was that really so bad?

I wiped my face and gave Emma a hug, then everyone else joined in. "I'm sorry," I said. 'Thanks for dealing with my shit." I laughed through the thick emotion in my throat.

Carly shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "That's what we're here for."

Although I may have felt better in the moment, I was still mad at Alex. I knew the anger was pointless, but it was there and there was no way for it to escape. Maybe I just needed to tell him how I was feeling, or maybe he was feeling the same way. Either way, I didn't know what to do, but I needed to at least fix the one wrong thing I did.

I hated thinking that I did everything around the school for him, that there was no other animal I wanted to help other than him. So I changed my priorities, I was going to change the school, not just for Alex, but for everyone else who felt the same way I was feeling, who wanted to kill themselves, who hated themselves because of what they were.

We're the new romantics, and heartbreak is our national anthem.

The intercom in our room crackled to life, like some ancient monster was finally awakening. "Jordan Anderson to Mrs. Baker's office please." There was a collective " shit" in the room, and everyone turned to look at me. I took a deep breath and smiled.

"Duty calls," I said walking out of the door.

️ ️ ️

I opened the door to Mrs. Baker's cluttered office and she sat proudly in her chair, a small smile on her face and one of our mental health posters in the middle of the desk. She pointed to a chair and I sat down, my hands no longer trembling from the terrifying aura in the room.

She typed on her keyboard "I'm glad you're here, I wasn't exactly expecting you to show up."

"What do you want? Here to tell me how horrible I am for destroying the posters?"

She shook her head and pulled out more posters from her desk. "Quite the opposite, we needed to put these new ones up anyway." I took the posters from her hands, reading over the titles and the professional like quality they had.

"Where did you get these?"

Mrs. Baker shrugged. "I am the teacher for the art club, I just asked them to make them. That is, if you want to put them up. I understand that you wouldn't be willing to work with me anyway, after all, you did call me a bitch."

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Oh it's fine, I've been called worse."

She sighed and looked towards me. "What sucks though, is that Brittney found out you're running for Student Council president, even though you've had no past experience in it."

"Of course she found out, whatever, it doesn't matter anyway."

"You're right, it doesn't matter. You're the president for the audio visual club, which reminds me, you haven't really done anything with that. Do you think you could make something to advocate for yourself?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Wait, you want me to make something for audio visual, and show it to the school? They never listened to it before, so why would it matter now?"

"Because now, everybody knows Jordan Anderson is running against Brittney Coleson. An herbivore against a carnivore, this school has never seen that before. We can use this as a way for you to gain more popularity. Brittney doesn't really do anything around this school, she just bribes animals and threatens them." She stood up. "But you, you are doing something. You put posters up around the school for mental heal-sure it's not a lot, but it's something. It's a stepping stone that we desperately need."

"So...this is a good thing?" Mrs. Baker nodded her head and sat back down.

"If you can think of anything for audio visual, please do not hesitate to do it. You don't need to ask me, just go for it, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be amazing."

I looked off to the side. "I don't have any ideas, besides, the one animal I truly like hates me."

Mrs. Baker's eyes went soft and she put her hand on mine. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Why don't you ask him to help you out? I'm sure he'll be willing to."

I shook her hand off and stood up. "Why would he even care about me? I told him I loved him, and he didn't say it back. There's no point in seeing him ever again, I'm doing this for the animals of this school, not him."

Mrs. Baker stood up and sighed. "Well, whoever you're doing it for, just know that either way, you're helping him out." She smiled, but it didn't bring any reassurance inside of me. "Jordan, I know this is hard, but you have to push through it, I promise, it will get easier."

"Whatever, I'll think about it. Although I doubt anyone will care about me since Brittney has probably told a million rumors about me already." Mrs. Baker nodded and I chuckled. "Of course she has."

I opened the door to leave, but was immediately greeted by Brittney. "Oh, hello Jordan!" she said with her cheerleader voice. God, she was the worst animal in existence, I hoped someone would've just eaten her already. Maybe I would've done it, but everyone would've known it was me anyway.

"Hi," I said through gritted teeth.

"I hear you're running for Student Council president, it's gonna be an amazing year. I hope you already have your campaign set up, we're gonna be starting debates, times to sponsor and other things. Can't wait to see your name on the ballot box!"

I narrowed my eyes at her and lowered my voice, hoping to sound more intimidating. "What are you even doing here?"

"Oh, I heard you were called down to Mrs. Baker's office, so I just wanted to stop by and say hi."

"How thoughtful of you." I crossed my arms and stared down at the shittiest okapi in existence.

"Well, I should probably get going, you look like you want to eat me."

"The thought is tempting."

She playfully hit my arm and giggled. "You always know the perfect things to say. That's what I like about you, never afraid to speak your mind." She bit her thumb and narrowed her eyes. "You might just actually have a shot at this...on second thought, maybe not." She laughed and walked down the hallway saying, "but who am I to say anything? I'm just an innocent okapi."