Author's Note: Slight error in the last chapter (since corrected); Shinji's Hierophant Social Link with Fuyutsuki ranked up from 3 to 4, not from 2 to 3.
On with the chapter!
xxxx
Sokila looked...solemn.
"...I don't understand..."
One hand held the card of the Devil Arcana.
"...papas and mamas should love each other, right...?"
The other hand was doodling a picture of Gendo Ikari on the wall, complete with devil horns.
"...so why didn't your papa want pictures of your mama?"
She visibly pouted.
"I don't get it..."
The faint haze of blue began to brighten-
xxxx
/Tuesday: July 14, 2015/
/Class 2-A, Junior High Branch, Hakone Academy/
As third period rolled on, Aoi Mogami drew various figures on the chalkboard, pulled from the jōyō kanji that they were required to learn for that year. With practiced ease, the glasses-wearing woman drew characters in mere seconds with crisp lines; with each random person called, she would move onto the next. She drew 掘, calling out "Kugimiya-kun!"
"Dig, sensei!" cheerfully called out a girl from the back.
熊. "Ayanami-kun!"
"Bear, sensei," she calmly answered.
勲. "Suzuhara-kun!"
"Uh...good work, sensei?"
"Close, but not quite. Horaki-kun!"
"Meritorious deed, sensei!" instantly replied Hikari (much to Toji's displeasure, the boy crossing his arms with a grumpy frown).
"Let's kick it up a notch." She quickly scribbled two kanji side-by-side: 渓 and 詣. "Ikari-kun!"
"Mountain stream and visit a shrine, sensei," he answered calmly. A few of his peers murmured at how quickly he had answered, seemingly impressed. (Compared to trying to read Hamlet, learning kanji felt like a breeze.)
Without even pausing, Mogami-sensei kept writing: 堅 and 稽. "Aida-kun!"
"Strict and training, sensei!"
And so classes continued on.
xxxx
After the end of classes, it wasn't until Shinji Ikari was two steps away from where the Literature Club normally met that he remembered oh right, club activities were placed on hold the week before exams. "Well..." As he began turning away, he the turning of a page. Blinking, he impulsively peeled the sliding door back, looking inside; the source was none other than Mayumi Yamagishi, near the end of a book. "...Yamagishi-san?"
The girl impulsively jolted from her beanbag chair, her glasses sliding askew from the sudden motion. "I-Ikari-san! Uh..."
"Uh, sorry! I thought that the club wasn't meeting today..."
"Oh. We aren't."
"...then why-"
"-am I here?" she interrupted, preempting his question. A melancholy smile came to her face as she adjusted her glasses. "Well...just because the clubs aren't meeting doesn't mean I can't use the room for myself."
"...I guess not?"
"...you can come in, if you'd like."
Shinji quietly entered, sliding the door shut behind him. Pulling up a beanbag chair, he looked intently at the club president, asking, "aren't you worried about finals?"
She shook her head. "Exams don't worry me."
(Well, if anyone knew, she would, right?) Leaning over to look at the book's cover, he saw it was Botchan, yet...it seemed a rather short text. "Are you still reading that?"
"Rereading it."
"Oh."
"Have you ever reread a book, Ikari-san?"
"I..." He frowned. "I...can't say that I have."
"...that's a shame."
"Why?"
"...hmm..." The girl quietly placed the book into her lap, a thoughtful expression coming to her face. "How do I put this...has there ever been an event in your life that seemed much different in retrospect? You thought about something in a certain way, only to look back and think differently about it later?"
Oof. "...yeah." (Story of my life.)
"Books are like that, too. There are so many things that I may miss during my first reading. Or, I may identify with one character and hate another...but after rereading it, I may hate the first and identify with the other, because of a change in perspective."
"...or because you've changed," he said. "The things you once liked won't stay the same."
"Exactly," she said with a smile.
"...but are all stories the same, though? Some experiences..." He thought back to when he had nearly killed Kirishima-san (so much fury...so much rage); he pondered the cold image of his father, and his callous words (over so many different instances). Even if they had been the impetus for necessary changes...what good did dwelling on them do? "...well, they're not really nice to dwell on."
The girl's smile decreased. "...that is true. Some books are...hard."
"And I guess Botchan isn't?"
"Oh no, it's quite enjoyable," she answered. "The main character...they struggle, with the more traditional culture of the school they teach at. Compared to Tokyo, that is." She paused. "I don't want to say too much, in case you want to read it for yourself...but that struggle is something I empathize with...because life has changed so much since Second Impact." Shinji wordlessly nodded, because what could he say to that other than affirm it? "Sometimes...I wonder just how much things will continue to change. Though, as an Evangelion-user, I suppose you're on the frontline of those changes, aren't you?"
"...sort of?"
"...do you think there'll be an end to it?" There was no hope in her voice, because she expected an unpleasant answer.
"...I don't know."
She smiled knowingly (and there was something...bitter about it). "I guess I shouldn't be saying this sort of thing, two days before the new moon..."
"...if something happens, you can ask me for help, you know?"
"Why?" she asked, her eyes filled with uncertainty.
"Well, why not? Isn't that something friends do for each other?"
"...since when are we friends?"
Shinji flushed, feeling the impish gremlin known as 'the social faux pas' crawling up his back. "Uh...I guess I assumed too much. Sorry..."
"No, I was honestly asking. Since when?" she asked.
"...you want me to provide a beginning?"
"Yes. I don't seem to recall us ever saying 'do you want to be friends?' to each other."
Frowning, he looked up at the ceiling, thinking back upon all of their interactions. "If...if I had to provide a definite start to when I began thinking of you like one..." This was weird. This was weird. He normally didn't have the time to think of a relationship so analytically, since he was usually vacillating between 'please don't look I'm not ready' and 'okay Ikari don't say anything stupid' and 'OH GODS WHY ARE FEELINGS SO COMPLICATED' and 'relationships really ARE a maze'. "...maybe when I talked about my situation, on the rooftop? Back on the third of July? Or maybe...when you texted me, to ask if I was doing okay, on the twenty-sixth of June."
"...I see. Is that normal? For a friendship to begin so casually?"
He wasn't quite sure in what universe telling Yamagishi-san about some of the details about his harrowing life counted as 'casual' (like, how?), but settled for answering, "well...Aida-san and Suzuhara-san are rather casual with each other. And Nagisa-kun is casual with everyone." And Misato-san...and Mister P, now that I think about it. What was with the people in his life? "I guess they're all rubbing off on me..."
"...hmm. Maybe they are." Mayumi leaned back in her beanbag chair, looking at the ceiling with a forlorn — yet somehow simultaneously detached? — gaze. "Maybe..." She trailed off into silence.
He didn't much feel like breaking it...until it got past sixty seconds. Then it became awkward silence. "So...I'm going to read some more of Hamlet, now...if you don't mind?"
The girl blinked, seemingly snapping back into active consciousness. "Oh, of course not! Feel free to ask if you need any help." She paused, before giggling to herself. "Ah..."
"Yamagishi-san?"
"Nothing...just caught the irony of what I said, is all."
Shinji wasn't quite sure what to make of it, so he settled for grabbing the familiar play. If nothing else, routines — no matter how mundane — could make for excellent escape vehicles from awkward conversations.
xxxx
/Room 23, 2nd Floor, Izanagi Dorms, Hakone Academy/
An Ikari, an Aida, a Suzuhara, and a Nagisa were doing homework during the evening. There was no punchline.
Probably because Shinji was busy typing an answer to PILATE's question from July the 10th:
PILATE: CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING SCENARIO
PILATE: SUPPOSE YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED AN ORDEAL UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER ENDURED BEFORE. YET IT WAS AN ORDEAL AT WHICH YOU SUCCEEDED, SAVING THE LIVES OF AN ENTIRE CITY AS A RESULT
PILATE: YOUR REWARD? TO BE SCOLDED AND YELLED AT. WHY? BECAUSE OF A TACTICAL DISAGREEMENT, WHICH COST THE LIVES OF NO ONE. NONE OF YOUR SUPERIORS CARE ABOUT YOU, WHO HAS GIVEN SO MUCH AND RECEIVED SO LITTLE IN RETURN
PILATE: SUCH IS THE PAIN OF IT THAT YOU RIDE A TRAIN FOR HOURS; YOU SLEEP IN A MOVIE THEATER; YOU WANDER THE WILDERNESS; ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU CAN FEASIBLY THINK OF TO AVOID FACING THEM AGAIN
PILATE: SUCH IS THEIR CALLOUSNESS THAT THEY CAN HAVE ANOTHER PERSON WILLINGLY TAKE ON YOUR ORDEAL. IN THEIR EYES, YOU ARE UNNECESSARY.
...
PILATE: WE'D LIKE YOU TO CONSIDER WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU RUN AWAY IN THIS SCENARIO.
PILATE: WE CAN CERTAINLY IMAGINE THAT YOU CAN EVENTUALLY FIND REASONS, OR PERHAPS EXCUSES, TO JUSTIFY STAYING
...
PILATE: BUT WE ARE MORE INTERESTED IN HEARING WHAT WOULD FINALLY MAKE YOU DECIDE TO CUT YOUR LOSSES AND LEAVE.
"Hey Ken, what pages did Takao-sensei say we needed to cover from the textbook?"
"That would be pages 199 through 342, Toji."
"...seriously?"
Sighing, Shinji ignored the byplay between his two friends (not roommates, not merely that; not anymore. What a strange thought...), typing in his answer to the MAGI.
S. Ikari: if I absolutely had to
S. Ikari: maybe if there were no hope of things changing?
The response was immediate.
PILATE: A VERY SUBJECTIVE ANSWER.
PILATE: WOULD YOU MIND ELABORATING?
PILATE: AND TRY NOT TO PHRASE IT AS A QUESTION, THIS TIME.
Frowning, Shinji slowly typed his answer (because there was no way he was using the speech-to-text application around his roommates).
S. Ikari: if I can't change anything, then there'd be no point in staying
S. Ikari: but I've learned that there's a lot I can change
S. Ikari: so even if they don't value me, o still saved people
He couldn't help but wince. I typed 'I', not 'o'!
S. Ikari: so in your scenario
S. Ikari: I guess I wouldn't cut my losses
S. Ikari: maybe...only if I failed, and couldn't save anyone
Because at that point, if he literally couldn't help, and if his presence was nothing but a burden...maybe that would be the point he would leave?
PILATE: HOW DISAPPOINTING.
PILATE: AND OUT OF CHARACTER.
Shinji blinked. Then he felt a brief bout of indignation as he quickly typed an answer, because what gave the MAGI the right to say he was 'out of character'? I mean, I'm me!
S. Ikari: why do you say that?
PILATE: IS IT NOT OBVIOUS?
PILATE: DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE SUNK COST FALLACY?
S. Ikari: I did
PILATE: DO YOU NOT SEE HOW SUCH APPLIES TO YOU?
S. Ikari: I do
PILATE: THEN GIVE US AN EXAMPLE.
Shinji grimaced, because he could only think about harsh words from yesterday, delivered from the mouth of Gendo Ikari.I
S. Ikari: my father
PILATE: AND DO YOU INTEND TO TRY AND REESTABLISH A CONNECTION WITH HIM?
...do I? He so desperately wanted to. But beyond frustration with the man and his own personal history with him...did he really believe that the cause was hopeless?
(It was a scene in an elevator. "I have many things to attend to. You were brought here for a particular purpose, and nothing else; don't presume more than is warranted. If there is anything you wish to say, or to get off your chest...then this is your one chance. Don't waste it." The words of a cold, stoic man.)
(It was a scene in an elevator. "In the end...you will run away. I know it. You know it. We all know it." The words of a confident, spiteful man.)
(It was a scene in a room of velvet. Of the three cards held by the bizarre man with a long nose, one bore the image of his father. "Your heart has already established links with these individuals." How was it possible? "The emotional bonds that you bear with others can be complicated, for the heart is intricate. Not all bonds are always joyful or happy...yet, as your ties grow and develop, you will come to understand not only them, but yourself as well. Thus will your inner strength reach new heights.")
S. Ikari: I still have hope
PILATE: WHAT A PRECOCIOUS CHILD YOU ARE
PILATE: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON DO YOU HAVE TO EXPEND SUCH EFFORT FOR SOMEONE WHO SO CLEARLY DESPISES YOU?
PILATE: WHY NOT CUT YOUR LOSSES AND METAPHORICALLY RUN AWAY FROM THAT MAN?
Why not indeed?
S. Ikari: because I've been given a chance by others
S. Ikari: even when I didn't deserve it
PILATE: AND FOR THAT REASON YOU THINK YOUR FATHER DESERVES THE SAME TREATMENT?
S. Ikari: does it have to be a matter of 'deserving'?
S. Ikari: I want to
PILATE: EVEN IF IT ENDS UP HURTING YOU IN THE END?
PILATE: EVEN IF IT ENDS UP BEING FUTILE?
PILATE: EVEN IF ALL THE EFFORT AND ENERGY YOU EXPEND IS WASTED?
The thought of that...kind of stung. How much was he willing to spend? How much was he willing to risk pain from his father?
His Other quietly said, "only you know the answer to that."
The Beast simply snarled, "only you can decide how much pain you're willing to suffer."
Yet...nothing was fixed, was it? Nothing was guaranteed. If he simply sat back, and refused to try...would it be any different from not existing at all?
S. Ikari: how can I know if I don't try?
S. Ikari: and if it ends up not mattering
S. Ikari: then that will be that
S. Ikari: because I can't change the past
("Even in spite of the passions which consumed her, Yui-kun still remembered to live life," said his homeroom teacher [the Hierophant]. "Don't forget to live yours either.")
PILATE: A TRUE OBSERVATION, WE ADMIT.
PILATE: YOU ARE A TEMPORAL BEING, LIVING AMIDST AN INDETERMINATE WEB OF QUANTUM EVENTS AND PROBABILITY AND WEAK CAUSALITY
PILATE: FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, TIME HAS A VECTOR, ONE WHICH YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF CHANGING
PILATE: SO WHY WORRY ABOUT EVENTS YOU CANNOT CHANGE?
PILATE: WHY, WHY, INDEED.
PILATE: WE SUPPOSE THAT SORT OF CHILDISH DETERMINATION IS WHAT PROPELS THE WORLD FORWARD
PILATE: EVOLUTION WOULD BE QUITE THE STAGNANT AND UGLY THING WITHOUT SUCH FOOLISHNESS.
Shinji didn't know if he was being complimented or insulted. So he defaulted to the polite option.
S. Ikari: thank you?
PILATE: BUT DO KEEP YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES IN MIND
PILATE: AND TRY TO BE AWARE OF YOUR OPTIONS IN ANY GIVEN SCENARIO
PILATE: BECAUSE THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING CHARITABLE AND BEING STUPID.
PILATE: END OF LINE
And just like that, the 'conversation' ended. Why do the MAGI always ask such tough questions...?
"Hey Nagisa, do you have any flash cards I can borrow?" asked Toji.
"No Toji-kun, I do not," answered the enigmatic boy.
"Any reference books?"
"No."
"Dude, how do you even function? How do you keep your grades so high?!"
"It's called talent, Toji," interjected Kensuke.
"...Ken."
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
"You know Toji-kun, I can buy some study guides if you need them," politely offered Kaworu.
"Dude, I don't need your pity," grumbled the jock.
Sighing, Shinji turned a page in his notebook and continued studying. If nothing else, the banter between his roommates was...refreshingly simple.
xxxx
END OF 7/14/2015
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Author's Notes: We've had some rank-ups recently (with Hermit and Justice both ranking up in this chapter), so let's go ahead and provide the current list of Confidant ranks and Social Stats as of the end of 7/14/2015:
FOOL (Igor): Rank 2
MAGICIAN (Kensuke Aida): Rank 3
PRIESTESS (Rei Ayanami): Rank 2
EMPRESS (Hikari Horaki): Rank 2
EMPEROR (Pen-Pen/Mister P): Rank 1
HIEROPHANT (Kōzō Fuyutsuki): Rank 4
LOVERS (?): Not Yet Unlocked
CHARIOT (Toji Suzuhara): Rank 1
STRENGTH (Mana Kirishima): Rank 1
JUSTICE (MAGI): Rank 3
FORTUNE (Goro Akechi): Rank 2
HERMIT (Mayumi Yamagishi): Rank 4
HANGED-MAN (?): Not Yet Unlocked
DEATH (Kaworu Nagisa): Rank 1
TEMPERANCE (?): Not Yet Unlocked
DEVIL (Gendo Ikari): Rank 3
TOWER (Keel Lorenz): Rank 2
STAR (Sokila): Rank 2
MOON (Ritsuko Akagi): Rank 2
SUN (Misato Katsuragi): Rank 2
JUDGEMENT (?): Not Yet Unlocked
- Determination: Stubborn (2/5)
- Knowledge: Cultivated (3/5)
- Empathy: Benevolent (2/5)
- Charisma: Graceful (2/5)
- Vigor: Lively (2/5)