Chapter Forty-Two: A Wedding and Two Funerals
Leah (POV)
Two Years Ago
"Rachel, no it just isn't the right timing." I said with a distinctly indecisive tone. She had been goading me to go to a party where she knew Sam was going to be. I wasn't sure I wanted to face him, because for almost a week he hadn't called or spoken to me, almost like he was avoiding me. But I had to get out of the house, especially because Emily was visiting down from Neah Bay and I had to play host.
"Does it matter if you guys are on the outs. He loves you." Rachel was playing a familiar game, but one to which I knew I would ultimately relent. I honestly could never deny her games, she was my best friend after all.
"Fine, I'll go. As long as Emily can come with us." I said with a big exaggerated sigh.
"Yay." She threw up her fists and did a little arm dance. "Pick you guys up at eight." She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and then turned on her heel and back down the driveway towards her car. The Rabbit was already showing signs of needing a lot of work, but she was determined to drive it until she graduated. I went back inside, and Emily was staring at me with expectation.
"Yeah, we're going. We need to be ready by eight." Emily nodded happily.
"Can't wait to meet this guy of yours. He sounds pretty great." She said diplomatically, I knew it was lip service as a friend. Honestly, I hadn't said much about Sam because we were basically split up already, even though we had said we loved each other. It was like just declaring our love was enough to make him pull away. I was conflicted, angry and ready for a fight, but I had to admit I was also secretly hoping he would apologize and take me back.
"Sam's a good guy." Dad said coming into the room. "So, were you going to ask to go to this party?"
"Nope, just gonna go. That is okay, right dad? I mean I am eighteen." I teased, and he just rolled his eyes and nodded.
"No sex, no smoking. Drugs are okay, but no beer. Maybe a few shots of tequila, but definitely no whiskey. Got it?" His expression was deadpan as usual, his dry humor making Emily stare at him in confusion.
"Right, so all the sex and a keg of beer." I teased back, and then Emily just looked between us like we were nuts.
"Rachel driving?" He asked rhetorically, he knew she was the only one in our group of friends with a car.
"Jacob actually, he's my backup date if things go badly with Sam." I kept my expression stony, although I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep a straight face. I had yet to win in our usual game of absurdity.
"Good choice, although I'm pretty sure Jacob is saving himself for Charlie's girl." Harry nodded thoughtfully, and then his right eyebrow shot up as though he had a new thought. "Hmm, if Jacob is going maybe you should take Seth. He's been chomping at the bit to go to a party for weeks."
"Well, I'm pretty sure he would enjoy the orgy…" I started but couldn't finish the thought as Emily stood looking disgusted.
"You two are nuts." She started to storm out of the room, and I lost it and began to laugh hysterically. She put her hand on her hip and shook her head at me. Dad just shrugged and waited for me to calm down.
"You win Dad, I'll be careful like always." He nodded and glanced at Emily who now looked a little confused, and raised his eyebrows at her once, and then left the room without another word.
"Don't worry about it, just a game dad and I play when he's laying down ground rules." I said in explanation and she nodded slowly as if just realizing it was all just in fun, and then Mom poked her head out of the back room just as I was about to go into more detail.
"Dinner's in an hour, and remember your dad is headed out early tomorrow so don't be out past eleven." Mom said with the kind of authority that I usually didn't try to question, yet she wasn't giving me much time out at all.
"Eleven? That's like three hours." I said feeling a little petty asking for more time.
"Fine, one-thirty but be quiet when you come in." She frowned and ducked back into the kitchen.
I looked over at Emily and she shrugged and sat back down on the couch to watch television. I went into my room and plopped down onto my bed, picking up a very worn copy of my favorite book. I knew I would have to say goodbye to Rachel and Rebecca soon, Rachel was headed off to college and Rebecca was following her boyfriend to Hawaii. Neither had really been present since their mom died last year, but at least Rachel faked it pretty well. Rebecca had mostly withdrawn, and I usually only saw her at school.
Dinner was the usual, Mom made something vaguely traditional which smelled okay but wasn't all that tasty. Dad made the appropriate Mmmm sounds, he never wanted her to feel inadequate. After dinner we all sat together and watched television, a game show and an insipid romantic comedy featuring some overly coiffed idiot trying to get the attention of a woman who was so far out of his league that just the pairing was comical. Which I suppose was the entire point. Then eight came around and almost to the minute our doorbell rang.
Emily and I jumped up and were out the door, and in Rachel's car in less than a minute. When I got in I was deeply surprised to see Rebecca sitting in the back seat. She waved and gave me a forced smile.
"Rebecca Black heading out without Solomon, this is a first." I teased, and she rolled her eyes at me.
"Like you aren't going to this party exclusively to see Sam?" She shot back, with a little bit of venom. I must've hit a sore spot.
"Sorry, did he not want to come out?" I felt like an ass for some reason, even though it wasn't my intention to hurt her. I was just really happy to see her being social again.
"No, he had to head back to Hawaii until June. I won't see him again until the wedding." She pouted, and I felt my jaw drop.
"Wedding? When did he propose?" I asked, unable to hide my shock and surprise, I knew they were moving in together… but marriage.
"Oh, god I can't believe I didn't tell you. He proposed on Friday night over dinner." She reached out her hand and showed me a small but pretty diamond engagement ring. I glanced over at Rachel and she didn't look happy, but of course her twin sister was about to move very far away. They had originally planned to go to college together, but when Rebecca met Solomon everything changed.
"Congrats. Is the wedding gonna be here?" I asked feigning interest in something I knew was rushed and wrong. I wasn't sure Rebecca truly loved Solomon; I was almost positive she was just trying to escape from the misery of being reminded of her mother again and again. Seeing her dad in that wheelchair, looking at her brother mourning, and perhaps the worst of all seeing an echo of her mother in her twin sister's face.
"Yes, and I want you as a bridesmaid. Both of you." Rebecca said happily, her smile wide and toothy but didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Rach, you the Maid of Honor?" I looked over and she nodded once. "Are we getting a bachelorette party?"
"No." She said with a pout. "Becca here doesn't want one."
"I just don't see a point." Rebecca said with a shrug.
"Well congratulations. You'll make a beautiful bride." Emily said with a warm smile.
"Thank you." Rebecca returned the smile in kind. "I just had an idea, maybe we should think of this party as my bachelorette party."
"The one night I can't drink." Rachel mumbled, as we pulled up to a row of houses and a street packed with cars. A few people were headed towards the last house on the block, where I could feel the beat of the music playing from down the street.
"I'll drive." I offered, and Rachel just shook her head.
"Nah, you need the out in case things go bad with Sam. I'm good." We all got out and headed inside, the music hitting me in the chest as the front door opened, taking my breath away.
We wandered around the party for a little while as a group, until I heard Sam call my name. I turned and Emily tagged along and found him camped out near the keg. He was acting as almost an unofficial bartender keeping the younger kids from the beer. He spotted me and waved, then turned towards Emily to see who was with me and his face went slack. His gaze lingered for an uncomfortable length of time, until he shook his head and looked at me again.
"Hey." He said almost absently, his eyes darting towards Emily every few seconds.
"Hey. Um… this is my cousin Emily." The introduction felt suddenly very awkward, but Emily seemed oblivious as Sam held out his hand and she blushed slightly. Her own attraction was clearly written on her face.
"Nice to meet you." They shook hands for a bit longer than necessary, and I let loose a breath of air to draw some attention.
"Yeah, um Emily would you excuse us? Leah and I have a few things to talk about." Sam asked and she immediately smiled and bowed slightly before disappearing into the party.
"Here?" I asked, and he shook his head. He led me to a small unoccupied room upstairs and closed the door. He looked nervous, and my first impulse was to go over and try and reassure him, comfort him. So, I started to reach out towards him, and he immediately shook his head.
"Leah, god. I'm so sorry, but we can't be together anymore." He looked down, almost ashamed of his own words.
"I don't understand. A week ago, you said you loved me. Was that a lie!?" My voice was growing louder and louder, enough to overcome the thump of the base coming from the other side of the door.
"No, but things have changed. I can't give you what you need anymore." He shook his head emphatically, clearly, I struck a nerve.
"So, I don't get an explanation, you're just dumping me? Is it someone else? God that's cliche, please don't be that guy." I frowned, and didn't really want to hear anymore, I just needed to get away from him. Yet I had to hear his answer, I had to know how much to hate him.
"Not exactly." His tone was uncertain, his eyes searching the room for something and his expression was a mix of fear and confusion.
"Great. Have a good life, no fuck that. I hope whoever you are screwing gives you syphilis." I threw at him, which he seemed to hit him like I'd slapped him in the face, so I followed up my words with a good slap and pushed past him out into the party. As I bounded down the stairs, I realized I had no interest in having fun, so I started to make a dash towards the door. Rachel saw me and intercepted me, and with one look at my face she shook her head and frowned and pulled me into a hug.
"He doesn't deserve you." She said into my ear, and I found myself crying into her shoulder. "Let's get you that drink."
"No." I said pulling away and shaking my head. "I just need to get out of here. Could you make sure Emily gets home?"
"Of course, you sure you don't want me to go with you?" She offered, and a part of me desperately wanted her to come with me, but I shook my head.
"Have fun, don't let me bring down your night." I forced a smile in an attempt to reassure her that I was going to be okay.
"You sure?" She said tilting her head empathetically.
"I'll be fine." I didn't give her time to argue and turned and was through the door in the next instant. It was unspoken, but this was it, the last time we would hang out. Sam had ruined my last night with Rachel and Rebecca before graduation and we all went separate ways.
My house was only a couple of miles away, but I had no desire to mope in my room. So I took a long walk, vaguely headed towards home. It was a warm night, and the moon was high in the sky by the time I found myself alone on the streets of La Push. Then I made my way down to First beach and let the cold ocean water wash up over my feet. It was late by the time I made it home, and yet somehow, I had beaten Emily home. Not that I was worried, she was an adult and had a key. I crashed hard and didn't wake up until late the next morning. Thankfully it was a Sunday, so I puttered around the house, realizing that Emily never made it back.
I picked up the house phone and dialed Rachel. It rang a few times before a male voice answered.
"Hello?" It was Jacob.
"Hey, it's Leah. Is Rachel up yet?" I felt stupid asking, I didn't know why I was worried.
"Yeah, she looks like death though." He said with a chuckle in his voice. In the background I heard her say, 'thanks'. There was a rustle and the phone was handed over.
"Leah?" Rachel sounded groggy and her voice had the toneless quality of someone who didn't want to be awake.
"Yeah, do you know what happened to Emily? She isn't here." I asked, sounding more worried than I actually felt.
"Um… about that. Some stuff happened last night. You sitting down?" She sounded more awake, but just from the tone of her voice I knew what had happened. I almost hung up but gritted my teeth in preparation for the news.
"Yeah." I lied.
"So, after you left Sam started to drink. I tried to confront him, but he was so messed up. So, Emily tried, and they got to talking. An hour later I found them kissing, they left together." Rachel paused, and started to apologize. "I'm so sorry Leah, I didn't see it coming or I would've…"
"No, it's okay. You did nothing wrong. I have to go, we'll talk later." I managed to not slam down the phone receiver but that was the last moment of coherent thought I had the rest of the day. Emily eventually came back to talk to me, but I threw something at my door and told her to fuck off. Both mom and dad tried to coax me out to dinner, but I just screamed at them to go away.
The next couple of weeks I basically pretended to be normal to get through the end of school. I hung out with Rachel once, but I cut the night short and went home. Most of the time I listened to heavy music in my room. Then before I knew it three months had gone by, and I had to go to Rebecca's wedding. I had gotten the bridesmaid dress a week before but hadn't bothered to have it adjusted, so while it fit, it wasn't super flattering. I put my long hair into a simple bun and threw on the most basic make up I could get away with for such an event, and walked over to the Tribal Council building where the ceremony was to be held, refusing the ride offered by Dad as the rest of the family gathered together to attend the wedding.
I hoped they wouldn't be there, but I knew Rebecca invited practically the entire town. When I entered the building, I was greeted by the Blacks, all smiling, even Rachel who had been pretty depressed since the party. She was looking down the barrel of a goodbye gun, with her sister leaving possibly forever to a place that was distinctly remote. It put the whole day into stark contrast, with that shadow of the future hanging over the entire proceedings.
There were handshakes and hugs, and I was given a bundle of bluebell flowers to hold that matched my baby blue dress. I stood just outside the inner doors, not quite ready to go inside when Rachel came over and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
"They are in there, and they are together, but they know you're coming and promised they won't rub your face in their relationship." Rachel meant well, but it was the last thing I needed to hear. I gave her a forced smile and nodded, then took a deep breath and exhaled it loudly and made my way through the doors. The decorations were well done, and even the simple metal folding chairs had some flowers and lace tied to the backs. Solomon was already standing near the makeshift altar, and so was the Minister from Forks, a family friend of the Black's named Franklin Weber. Charlie Swan and minster Weber's family sticking out among the guests which was made up from basically the entire tribe, and some visitors from Neah Bay including Emily, sitting next to Sam. Even looking at their backs, their physical proximity confirmed they were not only together, but happy.
I desperately wanted to throw my flowers at them and run away, but instead I stood in the back waiting for my queue to head down the aisle ahead of Rachel and Rebecca. I thankfully didn't have to wait long, as the music started, and everyone turned. I locked eyes briefly with Sam and then Emily who tried to smile at me, but I shook my head slightly, causing her to frown.
The wedding itself was short, and rather sweet. Solomon actually cried during his vows, leaving me with a much better impression of him than I had before the wedding. Then we were outside, and everyone began to make their way over to the pavilion overlooking the ocean for the reception. I was halfway there when Emily caught up with me. I glanced over to see who it was and then tried to shy away from her.
"No, Emily I don't want to talk to you." I said harshly, stopping and facing her with a scowl on my face. "You and fuckface betrayed me, and I'm not letting it go. No wait, I want to know one thing, were you fucking him before he broke up with me?"
"Leah, no, god no. I only started talking with him to try and figure out what happened. Then… then. I don't really know how it happened. There's so much he can't say, I just wish you could understand. He feels so bad about leaving you like that, and he really did mean it when he told you he loved you." She was deeply emotional and crying, trying to tell me something rational, when I was anything but rational. I was in pain, and I lashed out needing her to feel it too.
"I don't fucking care. I never want to see either of you ever again." My voice was deep and cutting, with an anger that made my body shake from the emotion behind the sentiment. I wanted to say more, to tell them I wished them both violence and death, but I held my tongue, choosing instead to run.
I never looked back, not even to say goodbye to Rebecca who left that evening on her honeymoon. I refused the call from Rachel the last day of summer before she left for school. I went to work at a small shop in town and kept quiet through most of the family dinners and social gatherings. It was almost September when I heard about the accident. Emily was in the hospital, and no one knew if she was going to live or die.
I spent a full day trying to figure out if I could go and visit her. It was one thing to wish her ill, it was another to hear she was at the point of death. Dad was waiting for me in the living room, which was unexpected because I'd thought I heard everyone leave for the hospital earlier in the day.
"Sit." He wasn't in a playful mood, he looked upset. I obeyed and took the couch across from his beat-up recliner. "Let me finish before you say anything." I nodded once; I didn't want to argue with him.
"Have I ever told you about my high-school sweetheart?" Dad's face was relatively neutral, but it was a leading question.
"Not really, I know you dated Mom's cousin Emily." I answered, not sure if I was getting the family history right.
"That's right. Except we were not just dating, we were engaged. I was deeply in love with Emma, she was going to be my wife. Our marriage was set for July that year, a lot like Rebecca, right after we graduated. It was going to be beautiful. Sue was her best friend, the fact they were cousins was inconsequential. Sue was practically like a sister to me at the time, and I loved her but never looked at her romantically. Then there was the accident, Emma was caught in a riptide one day at the beach and drowned. We never did find her body." He closed his eyes briefly and sniffed once to hold back the tears I could see forming in the corners of his eyes. That was twenty-five years ago and he was still mourning her. "The loss destroyed me, and Sue was the only one that could get through to me. Eventually that turned into something more."
"I'm not sure how that relates…" I started but he shook his head.
"When I realized I was in love with your mother, I felt horrible. I felt like I was betraying Emma's memory. It nearly broke us up. That sense of betrayal, no matter how little it meant in the long run, was so powerful it was like a physical wound on my heart. I honestly don't know if Emma would've wanted us to be happy, but I could say with absolute certainty I would've felt better if I had her blessing." He was making a point, I just wasn't entirely sure I knew what he was getting at.
"You want me to give Emily my blessing. Do you want me to forgive their betrayal? I'm not sure I can do that." I said incredulously, feeling almost bullied into making a decision that I would have to live with for a long time.
"No, what I'm saying is Emily is hurting, and I don't mean just that she's in a hospital from… an animal attack. I mean she's hurting because she hurt you. She needs your forgiveness, and if you cannot give her that peace, you shouldn't visit her." He was being careful not to say the thing that he clearly wanted me to take from his story. That Emily made a mistake, that the mistake was made because she fell in love. I stared at him for several minutes, and he met my gaze. He must've been waiting for me to choose, and I wasn't sure which way I was going to go. Finally, he gave me a terse smile and stood up.
"I'm going to the hospital, want a ride?" His offer was implicit, and there was no judgement or expectation in his expression. It wasn't Emily's fault, and I couldn't keep punishing her. Especially when it was Sam that had hurt me the most.
"I'd like that." I said getting up and grabbing my coat. The rain was heavy when we arrived, and just outside we could see a man pacing frantically back and forth in front of the entrance just under the concrete awning. His shorts and sleeveless hoodie standing out against the chilly Autumn afternoon. It took me a moment to realize it was Sam, and when he saw me, he stopped motionless, his expression oddly hopeful. I managed a small nod towards him but couldn't meet his eyes. I noticed dad giving Sam a look full of anger, and I couldn't figure out the disagreement, but I had to guess there was more going on than I was aware of. Once inside we made our way to recovery, and dad remained silent. His face was hard and I could still see the anger in his eyes.
"What's going on?" I asked, but he just shook his head.
"None of our business." He said with an edge to his voice that made me deeply curious, but I just nodded without pushing for more.
We found most of her family in the waiting room, along with Sue and Seth. Everyone gave me a look of surprise, but we were greeted warmly. Emily's mother even beckoned me over.
"Emily would love to see you." She said and practically pushed me towards her room. I looked around feeling awkward but nodded and headed towards the doorway feeling heavy and not ready to have the conversation I was about to have. I also wasn't entirely sure what had happened to Emily and hoped I wouldn't have to keep myself from reacting.
When I came in, she was turned towards the right, towards the closed window, raindrops running down the glass like tears. I could see some bandaging but didn't know what to expect. Then she turned towards me and found the entire right side of her face was wrapped up. I gasped, and rushed towards her bedside without thinking, taking her hand as she reached out towards me.
"I'm so sorry." She muttered and the simple movement of her lips clearly caused her pain. Her expression was also deeply conflicted, with anger and sorrow and pain warring for a place in her eyes.
"Don't speak. It should be me who apologizes. I shouldn't have been so awful to you. I can't forgive him, but I can't blame you for his actions." I said as simply as I could manage, but I needed her to understand my forgiveness didn't extend beyond her.
"I…" She winced before continuing. "It doesn't matter. I'm just happy to see you." She sighed slightly, and I leaned down and gave her a hug. Then I sat down in the nearby chair and kept her company for the rest of the afternoon. The rest of the family came in and out of her room several times.
My entire family drove home together, and while my anger towards Sam hadn't changed, it felt good to let go of my anger involving Emily. Somehow she had become family again in one afternoon of healing. Yet at the same time, I felt conflicted; I wanted her in my life again, but wasn't sure I could handle seeing her with him. Emily left the hospital a few days later, and life returned to normal. Until not even a month later we were all shocked to hear about Isabella Swan, whose accident made Emily's incredibly bad facial wounds look like a little cut requiring a band aid. Dad was up at the hospital almost daily until she woke up. I went a couple of times, and it was disturbing to see someone younger than me laying puffy and broken in a hospital bed. That was also the first time I ran into the Cullens and was floored with how pretty they were. There were rumors among the reservation that they were monsters, but I couldn't quite understand why. They were nothing but polite and clearly cared deeply for Bella, as there always seemed to be a member of their family in the waiting room of the hospital.
When she got out of the hospital, there was an odd edge to the reservation. There were rumors of the Cullens corrupting Bella, or planning to kidnap her away were passed around by every gossip in town. But like always, nothing came of it and soon it was summer, and my dead-end job had turned into more responsibility when I was promoted to a shift leader. I hated it, but it was something real, especially because college wasn't an option, because I'd graduated with a C average and had horrible SAT scores and of course most depressingly, my family was dirt poor. I was finally making enough money to afford a car and my own place, so I moved out and found that life just trudged on. By summer's end I was growing accustomed to my life, even finding a small measure of peace in my daily routine.
It was a Monday afternoon when the news came that Isabella Swan had died. The wake was beautiful, but my mom and dad were tense as we watched all her family and friends say goodbye. She looked so beautiful laying in her casket, a macabre reminder how short life was. The next day we were all standing around her grave. The rain had been light, but we were all freezing as he started to speak. Charlie Swan was holding the urn and looked as though he would never let it go. The gravestone was simple but classy, with a lovely little inscription.
'Isabella Marie Swan; Beloved daughter, died too soon.
September 13, 1987- September 14, 2006 '
Dad and Billy Black were glaring openly at the only Cullen attending, a small black-haired girl who barely looked fifteen, standing next to Mr. Weber's daughter Angela. The fact she was the only member of her family in attendance was surprising given how often I had seen the Cullens at the hospital the year before. Rumors surrounding her were that she was involved with Edward Cullen, but they must've been wrong considering he wasn't at the wake or her funeral. Then Mr. Weber drew everyone's attention, and cleared his throat loud enough to hear over the rain.
"Charlie has asked to say a few things before I carry out Bella's final rights. Charlie." Mr. Weber motioned to Charlie who stood still for several long seconds, before kneeling and touching the grass near her grave. Then he set down her urn and didn't stand back up when he started, as though he were talking to Bella directly.
"I don't really have the words to explain how I feel right now. Pain I guess is the easiest, but it is so much more than that. I can't remember how many times I held back telling her how much I loved her. I can't remember how many times I didn't tell her that she was special. After the accident I wanted her to know I still cherished her, and I was so proud..." He sounded so broken, his voice cracking on the word proud. Then he cleared his throat twice before continuing.
"So proud that she had managed to find a way to be strong with that much weight on her shoulders." He stopped again, standing up without breaking eye contact with her urn. It was impossible to watch him try to hold back his pain so he could finish what he wanted to say.
"I'll miss you terribly Bells, god I hope you know that." He openly started to cry, and stepped back towards his wife, or ex-wife, I wasn't sure what the situation was. But my confusion was cleared up quickly when she tried to comfort him, and he shrugged her off.
"Thank you, Charlie." Mr. Weber said, drawing attention away from a grieving father. "My daughter Angela wanted to say a few words as well before we say our final goodbyes."
Angela stepped forward, looking back at the lone Cullen briefly before starting. "Isabella was my best friend. I don't know what life is going to be like now that she's gone to a different place. I know she'll be there watching over me, but it hurts to know I won't see her again in this life. So, goodbye Bella, I'll miss you for a long as I draw breath." She nodded her head and stepped back to join her friend. I wasn't sure what to make of her speech, it was nice but felt strange, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why.
"We now say goodbye to Isabella Swan. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…" I started to tune out the minister at that point and didn't follow anything else until the staff at the cemetery took her urn and set it on a small device that lowered it into the ground. Everyone had very different reactions to watching her be buried. Charlie's reaction was normal, not that burying a child is ever a normal thing to do. Her mother went into bizarre over the top theatrics. Her friends both looked conflicted and a little afraid, like they were holding onto a secret of Bella's that would ruin her reputation or something. Then there was Billy and my father, who I couldn't figure out at all. They looked intense, and angry. Their anger directed almost exclusively towards the Cullen woman. I shrugged it off as tension between the families, since there were rumors that the Cullen's were not good people, or if you listened to legend, they were descended from an ancient enemy.
I followed my family home because we were supposed to have a family dinner. Bella's death sparked something in my parents that compelled them to want to see me everyday again. While I appreciated the free meals, I was already feeling angry about the forced and overbearing obligation. I sat in my car for a little bit trying to calm myself down, because I had been having major issues controlling my emotions, especially my anger.
When I went inside my mom was waiting in the living room, tapping her foot with impatience. I didn't know why, maybe the takeout food they had gotten was getting cold or something. I rolled my eyes at her and started towards the kitchen. She got in my way and shook her head.
"Not yet, I need to say something first." She wasn't speaking loudly, so she must not have wanted to bother Dad and Seth.
"Okay, go ahead." I said with a small impatient sigh.
"Your attitude has been abysmal for far too long, and lately you seem to resent just being in the same room as your family. You cannot blame this on the breakup, that was almost two years ago. So, what's going on with you?" She was a little angry, but mostly worried. Yet for some reason it set me off, and I could feel this rage building in my chest. An indignant rant was forming, but then something happened before I could say a word.
"Mom…" I pleaded, as my body suddenly erupted a pain so intense that it dropped me to the ground. I started writhing, just to find some semblance of relief but nothing seemed to help. I could feel the scream coming but it died on my lips as everything shifted. My body was no longer my body. I was something else, I knew it. Mom was staring at me in shock, as the pain subsided, and I managed to stand. I could see Dad and Seth standing in the doorway, and for a split second I found all their expressions comical… until Dad clutched his chest and collapsed.
"No!" I said trying to move towards him, but the loud bark that came from me stopped me in my tracks. I locked eyes with Seth who was staring at me with a look that told me something was happening behind his eyes. Then he also stumbled back into the kitchen, and then there was a loud clatter. A few seconds later there small roar of pain, followed quickly by a very large wolf padding into the room. It stopped and stared at me, and then leaned it's head down towards dad, who was no longer moving. Mom was sitting next to him crying. That's when I realized what I was feeling, a combination of scent and sound told me that my father was dead. I couldn't handle what I was seeing and turned towards the door but my hands weren't there to open it, so I rammed into it as hard as I could, and it flew off its hinges.
I barreled out into the street and made for the ocean, my usual haven to calm my frayed nerves. I knew this was a bad dream, but it felt so real. As I bounded up the small boardwalk towards the beach two men that I didn't want to see entered the beach to the north. Half of Sam's gang, as we were all calling it around town, spotted me and started to run towards me shouting and waving. I had no desire to talk to them, so I ran in the opposite direction.
They followed me. For miles, as I realized how different I had become. I was on four legs, I had fur and I was fast. I could run faster than was natural, I could jump and bound off trees. I had been given superpowers, so it had to be a dream. No, nightmare. It had to be, because otherwise… my father. No. I had to be asleep, worried about Bella's funeral.
"Stop, whoever you are." The voice was in my head, it wasn't out loud. Which was impossible, so, I pushed myself faster. "Damn it. Please stop, so we can explain what's happening to you."
"No! This isn't real!" I shouted although the words were entirely in my mind. My voice was nothing but guttural barks and yelps.
"Leah?" That's when I recognized the voice. I was somehow hearing Sam in my head. The nightmare was complete. "Leah, stop. You're a werewolf."
I stopped.
"What did you say?" I grunted at him; my anger was seething. That's when they appeared, and I realized an awful truth. They were wolves, just like my brother. Just like… me.
"No, nonononono…" I felt flush and terrified and shook my head at them. Then took off towards the hospital and I could feel them following.
"Something happened." The other voice sounded like Paul Lahote, which made sense.
"Seth changed too, we managed to get him to shift back and we're headed for the hospital. The ambulance just arrived." I recognized the new voice as Collin Littlesea.
"Is he…" I said not wanting an answer.
"The ambulance driver got him resuscitated, but he's probably going to need surgery." Jared's voice joined the link, he sounded somber.
"Anyone but Carlisle Cullen." Paul said and I could almost hear the sneer in his voice.
"He's the best surgeon in the area, why not?" I demanded.
"He's a vampire. Just like the rest of his family, and now they've taken Isabella Swan." Sam said as casually as the fact I had become a werewolf. It was too much, then what he said sunk in leaving me very confused.
"Wait, what?" I asked hoping what they said next wouldn't drive me into the loony bin.
"The Swan girl was turned, that funeral you went to today was fake." Collin explained, which explained a few things. Mainly Angela's strange speech at the graveside service.
"But her father? Why would she do that to him." I had known Bella well enough to understand that she would never intentionally hurt her parents, she was far too selfless for that. She would suffer with her disability for the rest of her life before forcing her parents to suffer her death.
"For legs, she probably did it so she could walk again." Paul said with disgust. "Letting yourself be turned into one of those monsters just to change who you are."
"That's not fair Paul. I might do the same if I had suffered those kinds of injuries." I said feeling that they were projecting far too many negative qualities on people that so far had only been polite friendly people who only appeared to want to heal Bella of paralysis. How could that be bad?
"This is not the right time. We stand watch, make sure the Cullen isn't a part of this and then we do this all formal. Understood." Sam said and it felt like a slap in the face, his words came across as an order I was almost involuntarily supposed to obey.
"Yes Sam." The other three said almost in unison.
"Leah. Do you understand?" Sam said again, with that same voice with the bizarre power to it.
"No. I don't. If Doctor Cullen can work on my father, get him through this, I don't give a shit if he's a vampire. Hell, that might mean he's faster and more precise, well if they are superhuman like in the movies." I said, feeling some hope, maybe a vampire doctor could save my father's life. I felt stupid even fantasizing of a situation where a fairy-tale monster could swoop in to save my father.
"They are, and don't underestimate them. They can rip you in half without breaking a sweat." Jared added seriously.
"Leah, they are our natural enemies. We have tolerated them to a point because of an old treaty, but now that treaty is void because of what they did to Bella." Sam explained, and I felt that push again in his voice. He wanted me to hate them, and I felt myself bending slowly to his will.
"They're just people." I tried to defend them, my last spec of willpower pushing against his power.
"No, they're soulless monsters. I've even heard one of them even say as much to Bella." Paul sounded like a zealot, a true believer in the line about this family being the center of everything evil in the world.
"You're watching them?" I said feeling overwhelmed, gasping at the invasion and the fact I was being forced to feel the same way as them. It was too much, but I couldn't resist or even begin to stop the tidal wave of pressure to fall in line, with the entire pack pushing at me to align with their beliefs.
"Absolutely, and you will help. Is that understood!" Sam's voice pushed at my mind again, and this time I was forced to obey.
"Yes. I understand." It was at that moment I realized I would never be alone again, but I would never have my own free will. My only recourse was to accept what they were saying as the truth.
"Now stop and try to calm yourself. You can't go into the hospital like that. Can one of you grab some clothes for her?" Sam's voice still felt like a command, and I found myself coming to a quick stop. My emotions evened out to an extent, and while I didn't fully calm down, I did feel a measure of relief as my body relaxed and I found myself kneeling down on the ground, totally naked.
"What now?" I said, feeling absolutely lost. I was stuck in this nightmare, this very real nightmare, full of werewolves and vampires. A nightmare where my dad was in the hospital fighting for his life. When no one replied I felt a wave of hope that maybe my life wasn't turned upside down, until two wolves bounded up next to me. One transforming before my eyes into my ex-boyfriend.
Sam stood there as naked as the first night we slept together. I wasn't ashamed of my body, but I didn't like that he could see me so exposed again. Yet he was being an absolute gentleman, which made it almost worse. Paul stayed in his wolf form, but I could see him staring at my tits, which while disgusting, at least fit his personality. I glanced at them both and took off towards the hospital which I knew was only a quarter mile away. I had run miles in minutes, it was mind boggling.
"Leah, wait!" Sam's voice wasn't as powerful, but it was now too real and that pressure was now physical. I stopped and looked back at him. "Jared is bringing you clothes."
"Fine." I crossed my arms over my chest and waited. It took Jared only three minutes to appear, and when he did, he was carrying a small laundry bag in his teeth. He saw me and immediately shut his eyes and dropped the bag, then turned to give me privacy and the other two followed suit.
"Thanks Jared." I managed and found he had grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt along with what was left of my sneakers. I dressed quickly. "It's okay now."
The boys all turned around and Paul chuffed loudly looking at my shoes which had several large tears along the seams. Sam had on a pair of shorts which was good because I didn't want to see him naked again.
"Small tip, slip out of your shoes first, and invest in a lot of basic t-shirts." Sam said, but I just shook my head at him and ran off towards the hospital. I ran into the emergency room and couldn't find Seth or Mom, so I went to reception. She looked up at me with a placid expression of someone who had seen the same look on far too many people's faces.
"Name?" Her drawl was from somewhere south, but I had no idea where, maybe Texas?
"Harry Clearwater." I said as politely as I could manage. He typed and examined the screen for a few seconds, clicking things for what seemed like a small eternity.
"Relationship?" She asked again, and looked at me as if it didn't really matter what I said.
"Daughter." I said and a sharp pain in my own chest immediately moved to my eyes bringing the first tears I would shed for my father that night.
"Through those doors up to the third floor, he's in surgery. There's a waiting room down the hall, just follow the signs." She suddenly sounded sympathetic, which instilled me with a sense of urgency.
"Thanks." I sprinted through the doors and to the singular elevator, which opened quickly and got me to the third floor in seconds. Then I started at a run towards the waiting room, but found my feet growing sluggish as I noticed a man standing in the hallway talking to my family dressed in a white doctor's lab coat. Even from twenty feet away I could hear him say the words I couldn't hear.
"I'm so sorry for your loss." He turned and walked back towards the restricted area for hospital personnel, and in the same moment my mother lost her composure and fell into Seth's arms who managed to hold her up easily. He pulled her into a hug and I could see tears streaming down his face.
"Leah." Seth said as he finally noticed me, but I knew I couldn't handle their grief. Not when I was responsible. Not when I was surrounded by death and loss. I threw myself into a run, back downstairs and into the woods. I found I could shift into the wolf easily and ran as far as I could until the voices calling me back were faint and difficult to make out. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, stopping near a small lake in the middle of the wilderness totally untouched by humanity. I shifted back into my frail human form and curled into a ball on the shoreline and started to cry, for hours, until my chest hurt from the sobs. I stayed there until the first hints of sunlight hit my face. I sat up and washed my face with the cool water of the lake, the ripples distorting my reflection.
I could barely recognize the woman in the fractured image. She looked tired, and crazed and older than the last time I saw myself. I reached out as the water settled and tried to trace the lines of my face, trying to find myself again. Yet all I could see was my anger and my sorrow. The pain of the previous night seemed to be etched onto my face as a permanent scowl. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and shifted into my wolf, then took off towards home. I listened and waited carefully and made my way to my apartment without being seen. Then I showered and changed and forced down breakfast. Then I got in my car and drove to my parent's house. There were half a dozen cars parked outside, most of which I recognized, including Charlie Swan's police cruiser.
Entering the house there were people milling around who all turned and greeted me warmly. Their sympathy felt a shallow mirror to my own stifling grief. The only person that shook my hand that matched my own feelings was Chief Swan, who looked like he was teetering on the edge of insanity. His normally groomed hair and mustache were wild and uncombed, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, to lose a daughter followed shortly by his best friend. Except, I knew a truth about his daughter, one I desperately wanted to reveal to him. Just to give him a moment of peace from his obvious torment. I held on to his hand for a long moment before letting it go, and I could tell he appreciated the commiseration.
I moved into the kitchen and sat down next to my mother, taking her hand. She looked at me and I expected to see hatred, instead it was relief. She was happy to see me, and I felt my heart snap. She clearly didn't blame me, which made no sense. I had ruined her life. I wanted to run again, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave her side for two days as we prepared my father's body for a traditional burial.
It was early morning, and Billy Black started the ceremony. Charlie Swan was the only outsider present, yet his presence was somehow soothing to me. A fellow survivor of all this insanity. I barely heard the words, far too focused on my own pain and holding up my mother and being there for my brother to listen, yet I noticed the breeze coming off the water was bracing. Most of Sam's pack and Charlie Swan picked up my father and carried him to the canoe. Then it was our turn. Mom, Seth and I moved over to the canoe, the paint vibrant and clearly refreshed, and pushed him out onto the river. The ritual, an important tradition, despite knowing that several men upriver were waiting to catch the canoe and take my father's body to be buried in our local cemetery.
I watched it until it disappeared around a natural curve in the river. I wanted to run after him, but I couldn't. I was trapped in my life with my dead end job. With my mother and my brother who needed me. With my new pack who made me hate every single moment of what should have been a liberating and incredible experience. I was a being of power and beauty.
After the funeral I was summoned by Sam, and despite my reluctance to do anything beyond helping my mother, I obeyed. My brother joined me, leaving my mother alone with her grief. I was furious, my mind seething with anger and hatred, and I could tell from the connection we had to each other they could all feel me, and I loved it. I wanted them to feel my hate, my rage over everything that had happened. I wanted them to suffer. I wanted them to feel my pain.
Present Day
Sam fucking Uley.
I have no idea why so much of my life was wrapped up in that man. What made it worse was my self-hatred was only partially caused by his act of totally forgivable betrayal. As a wolf, feeling the emotions of those that have imprinted, I can't possibly blame him for falling for my cousin at first sight… literally. Except I did, for months, almost vindictively. I hated him, and all the pack by extension.
I also have no idea how a vampire could coax out the truth from me, yet somehow the Weber girl made me think. My hate wasn't just about my shitty lot in life, no I hated myself. Maybe deep down I knew that already, but I had no idea why… I still don't really. Something felt almost dead inside, hollow. I didn't realize how much I needed a friend who would actually listen to me, until I had one again.
"What happened after we left?" Jacob asked as the entire motley crew stood around in their obscenely nice kitchen. The burgers were blissfully good, made by Bella who made mom's cooking pale in comparison.
"What do you think? Sam called a meeting where he drew up battle plans to circumvent you two and her." I motioned towards Angela, who nodded slightly forward in acknowledgement, a small half smile on her face.
"Wouldn't matter, Charlie won't let Sam or any of the pack hurt us." Bella said with an exaggerated shrug.
"I don't know." Jacob said looking at Charlie. "I mean no offense, but what can one vamp do against a half dozen wolves? They would tear you apart."
"Punch me." Charlie said with a deadpan expression, reminding me far too much of my father.
"Um…" Jacob looked around slightly confused.
"I wouldn't." Esme warned sincerely, but a small smile turned up her mouth as she saw Jacob shrug. Jacob winced slightly and let loose a rather pathetic looking punch at Charlie, his fist bounced off something invisible about three inches from Charlie's face.
"What the…" Jacob said, rubbing his wrist.
"I can project a physical shield. Bella can defend against any form of mental attack. Alice can see the future and Edward can read minds. Angela over there… well I still don't really know what she can do, and if Mason comes back, I understand he can literally wield fire." Charlie said almost too casually, as if he were reporting on the weather. He glanced at me then, and I felt that same connection to him that I felt at my father's wake.
"Sam needs to surrender now." Seth said, sounding impressed.
"Not gonna happen, he is convinced that you have not only broken the treaty but present a clear and present danger to not only the tribe, but to the human world at large. I even caught a stray thought from him about taking the fight to covens around the world." I said elaborating on how extreme Sam's views had become.
"Ambitious to be sure, but foolhardy." Carlisle said with a deep frown. I nodded but was happy to distract myself with the last few bites of my burger. When I was done, I sighed, I hadn't realized how much I needed a good meal. It was bizarre, but this family of vampires had been more welcoming in an hour than my former pack had been in two months.
I looked at Bella and gave her a tentative smile. "Thanks for the food, it was really good."
"Yeah, Bells you still have the skills." Jacob said with a big grin, it was clear he was still crushing on her despite the fact she was no longer human and engaged… technically. Almost as if she could read my mind, Bella frowned.
"Has anyone heard from Edward or Emmett? I was hoping the good news would turn into a thing." Bella asked, looking a little desperate.
"Not yet." Esme said, shaking her head and pulling Bella into a half hug. The love and affection on display was real, not forced or pretend. I felt vindicated, right about my initial impression of the Cullens. Turned out, Sam was intent on trying to kill a peaceful family who actively avoided hurting or killing anyone.
Angela was standing a bit away from the group and turned and started to leave. I had an idea of where she was going, and I hopped up to join her. Most of the room was either too distracted or didn't need to ask where I was going, which felt weird. Was it possible that they could already trust me? Angela looked over and gave me a warm smile.
"I promised you could meet them." She said with a small nod and headed deeper into the house. I had only seen the main living room and the kitchen so far, but she led me upstairs to a larger suite of rooms. "Please excuse the mess, Alice gave me the room so I could be close to the twins and I haven't had a chance to decorate."
There were two expensive cribs that could be turned into child sized beds, a changing station and a small chair that was occupied by another member of the family, Rosalie. She was holding two perfect baby girls. They were completely identical except for their eye color was mirrored and their hair was opposing colors, black and white.
"Rose, Leah would like to meet them." Rosalie stood and slowly walked towards me, clearly hesitant to expose the girls to me.
"This is Jezebel." Angela picked up the girl with nearly snow-white hair from Rosalie's arms and handed her to me. I hadn't held a baby since mom brought Seth home when I was six, but it felt kinda neat to hold her.
"Wolf." The girl said reaching up towards my face. Her tiny fingers were nearly the same temperature as mine, and the single word made me reel in shock.
"How old is she?" I asked looking at Angela in awe.
"Four days." She said with a deep, contented sigh.
"That's freaking nuts." I said feeling both bewildered and utterly confused by hearing an actual newborn baby speak intelligible words. Seth didn't say his first word until he was nearly nine months old.
"Nuts." The other one repeated.
"I think they are basically parroting us, but they do connect names to faces pretty easily." Rosalie said, looking as proud as though she were their mother.
"Jezebel, I'm Leah." I said right to her, and immediately her eyes widened, and a big bright infectious smile spread over her face.
"Lee Ah." She said back and giggled loudly.
"Leah" The other one said, reaching out towards me.
"This is Rebekah." Rosalie said with a small sigh, transferring her to me while taking Jezebel from my arms in a transfer move so seamless I was a bit confused by what had happened. The little dark haired one was a spitting image of her mother, and her stare was a bit more intense than her sister. She was almost examining me, and then reached out towards my cheek. As she touched me, I felt a strange tingling, and then a wave of absolute peace washed over me. I felt my body relax, my guilt over my father's death, and my worries washed away, and I just knew everything was going to be fine. Nothing about my situation or problems were too difficult to overcome, all I had to do was just accept who I was.
I was a werewolf. I was not responsible for my father's death, and I never loved Sam Uley, because I was gay.
Her tiny hand pulled away from my face and with it the strange euphoria and clarity that it gave me went with it. Yet the knowledge she unlocked in me about my deepest issues lingered.
"What the holy fuck was that?" I said as my worldview came crashing down around me, yet somehow, I felt completely confident I could handle my new truth.
"Huh?" Both Angela and said almost in unison.
"When she touched me, something happened. All at once I felt myself relax and then everything became so clear. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not angry. I'm gay… did I just say that out loud?" I glanced between them; suddenly very aware I was in a room with two virtual strangers.
"You just realized it didn't you?" Angela said with a friendly smile. "I'm so happy you found yourself." I stared at her for several long seconds, she had just accepted me without hesitation or even a second thought. I wanted to hug her, as tears started to fall from my eyes unbidden.
"Your daughter made me realize it." I said and looked down at the child in my arms, feeling a connection to her that made me feel small and fragile. I suddenly understood the look Rosalie gave me, I knew in that moment I would protect her and her sister with my life. Then I looked up and found contented smiles on both Angela and Rosalie and realized I had found something I never expected. These people were special, this family was important.
"Fuck." I said softly, realizing I was committed just like Angela wanted me to be. Then a phone started to buzz on the desk situated under the window overlooking the back lawn.
"Bella must've left it up here." Angela said walking over and picking it up.
"Hello?" She said with a small sigh, her expression unreadable.
"Angela?" The voice on the other end was one I didn't recognize but Rosalie did, and her eyes shot towards Angela with surprise and excitement.
Author's Note: I was checking out Leah's canon history and they have her as the reason Harry had a freaking heart attack as basically a footnote. Mz Peaches mentioned in a review that Leah was the most underutilized and 'wronged' character in the original stories. Upon reading that factoid I am just floored by how a character with such a fascinating story and history was overlooked and treated as a hostile one-dimensional stereotype in the original novels.
It was a trip to figure out the series of events, and where they took place in the timeline. This forced me to revisit my own timeline a bit, and I figured out that we are in early November. Bella's original accident was roughly in October/November the year before. She spent months in recovery and then spent the end of that school year being pushed around by Edward. Her 'Surgery' and subsequent death was almost a year from her accident in September on her Eighteenth birthday. It has been around eight weeks since then in story time.
The original version of this chapter was three pages. Three. I didn't know what I was going to write when I started it but after checking out Leah's history in canon and extrapolating some stuff, I made a few decisions relating to the timeline and started. I honestly didn't realize I was going to include Harry's death in this chapter, but as it happened, it was inevitable. His death does require a bit of backwards continuity hand-waving because it hadn't been brought up before. But it can be another reason Charlie is so guarded.
So, two big reveals in this chapter, Leah's sexuality may be mildly against canon, but she is so poorly drawn in the story that she can be altered with almost no effect on canon unfortunately. I also have no LGBTQ presence in the story, and I feel she is a good fit for a lovely little romance. I have ideas who it will be, but I haven't 100% decided.
Rebekah's power was also revealed. Jez also has one too but I'll leave that comedy for another chapter (the power itself is not comical, but how it presents is kind of silly). I wanted something new and interesting, and I hope it comes across that way.
Longs notes on a very long chapter. As always, I'll keep my profile updated with release dates. I am officially adding Leah as a main character for Part Two (this means she will have more than one POV chapter).
Please take a moment to leave a review, I don't always respond but I read them all and they have even influenced story directions.
Update: To clarify, Leah did not imprint on Rebekah or Jezebel.
Thank you for reading!