A/N: Just in case you're getting bored, things do get more interesting and, because some asked so nicely, I am in the middle of writing some lovely, angsty, fluffy, good old fashioned Merlin whump so you can have that to look forward to :)

Chapter 44

They visited Hunith every single day. Whether it was on their way home from work, in the evening after dinner or to take her out somewhere for a few hours in the fresh air. Some days she was amazing, barely like she was sick at all. Other days, however were awful. She'd lash out, shout, cry or begin to tremble just at the sight of someone. Because of that Freya always made a point of calling the home ahead of time to check whether it was alright for them to bring the twins.

One day, Merlin was standing in the bedroom in front of the mirror, studying a bruise on his cheek.

"You know," Arthur came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Merlin's waste, "Normally if someone hurt you I'd be getting ready to beat the hell out of them."

Merlin's lip twitched into nearly a smile.

"You ok?" Arthur kissed his neck.

"Just shocked."

"It wasn't her."

Merlin nodded tearfully. They'd taken Hunith out for lunch on their day off. It had been a really nice morning with all seven of them. Then they'd taken her back and Merlin and Arthur had walked her up to her room and tried to settle her in her chair by the window when something had snapped inside her and she's punched Merlin in the jaw. The carers at the home had said it was probably because she was tired and promised to stay with her until she was settled.

"Oh, Merlin," Arthur twisted Merlin around and hugged him, rocking slightly from side to side to calm him.

"I'm sorry," Merlin muttered, "It just surprised me."

"It surprised me too," Arthur soothed.

"It could happen again," Merlin sighed, "She never hit us. Not even if we needed telling off, she'd just talk to us. I don't think I've ever heard her raise her voice, let alone…"

"It's not her," Merlin repeated.

"Except it is. She's still my mother."

"She's sick."

Merlin shook his head.

"Come on," Arthur sighed, "Freya's taking the girls for a walk along the river before dinner. Coming?"

"Sure."

"We'll leave the dogs here, yeah? They had a long walk this morning."

"Yeah. Yeah, they can sit in the kitchen with Matt."

"You ok?" Freya asked Merlin when they were downstairs and Arthur was helping the twins with their shoes.

"Yeah," Merlin smiled.

Freya hugged him, "I'm sorry. She's never done that before."

"Must just hate me."

"Understandably. Years of pent-up worry from every time you get hurt has to come out somehow."

Merlin smiled half-heartedly, "Is this your way of saying you want to give me a bruise on my other cheek?"

"I wouldn't mind it," she joked.

"Mummy, mummy!" Rose tottered over, "Can I bring Daisy?" She held up her toy rabbit- Daisy.

"You'll have to hold onto her really carefully so she doesn't get dropped in the mud," Freya warned.

"I will!"

"Ok, then," Freya ruffled her hair, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah!"

"What have you done with your sister?"

Rose shrugged. Arthur came down the hallway with Briar on his hip. "Sorry. We couldn't find her hat."

"We won't be long, babe!" Freya called to Matt who was starting to prepare dinner in the kitchen.

Briar and Rose had a lovely time pointing out all the frogs and rabbits and birds they saw along the walk.

"Have you taken them to badger creek before?" Merlin asked Freya.

"No," she smiled a bit, "Let's go now."

"Badger creek?" Arthur asked.

"It's where Will used to sneak off to at night to try and watch badgers," Merlin said, "He was obsessed."

"He was barely ever successful," Freya giggled, "Half the time mum would catch him on his way out. The other half she'd send Merlin out to get him after two seconds of him being gone."

"It was only really when we were camping by the waterfall over night that he got to go for long enough to see anything," Merlin said.

"Except if I was there," Freya laughed, "I was too young to understand that being noisy meant we wouldn't see any badgers and I'd run around for hours trying to shout for them to come over. It didn't work. Rose, come away from the river, it's slippery!"

Freya led them to 'Badger Creek' and they sat on a large boulder. The river opened out there so it was wider and across on the other side there was long, flat bank. They'd discovered a few badger sets nearby when they were exploring once as children.

"I don't even know if there are badgers around here anymore," Freya said as she fiddled with the toggles on Briar's coat which seemed adamant on coming undone every few seconds, "I haven't seen one for years."

"You haven't lived here that long," Merlin whispered, "And I doubt it was on the top of your mind."

"True."

"Mummy, what's that?"

Freya followed Briar's pointing finger and gasped, "No way."

Merlin choked out a laugh, "Oh my god."

"Look, baby," Freya said to the twins, "Do you know what that is?"

They both shook their head.

"It's a called a badger," Freya told them quietly.

"Why has it come out in the day?" Arthur wondered in awe.

"It's hardly the day," Merlin noted, "Dusk, more like."

"Still."

They watched the badger snuffle around on the shore for several minutes. Even the twins managed to stay quiet enough not scare it.

"We have to get going," Freya said reluctantly.

"No!" Rose yelled, effectively causing such a noise that the badger across the river startled and fled.

Briar immediately began crying and Freya groaned. "Hey, it's ok, we can come back another time. We needed to go anyway, daddy's cooking us a lovely dinner, remember?"

Within seconds of the walk back home the twins were side by side and chatting.

"Don't hold grudges, do they," Arthur noted with a chuckle.

"Not with each other," Freya said, "You know, we told them there are enough rooms in the house for them to have one each and then they didn't speak to us for weeks because of it. Apparently the idea of splitting them up even for a few hours each night was on a similar level to a crime in their books. Heaven forbid we offer them their own space." Freya rolled her eyes, "We've never treated them like they're only one thing. They choose to be together all the time, we recognise they're two different people. You know, they choose their own clothes each morning or when we go shopping. They wear what they want to wear and we certainly do not put them in matching outfits. Because as cute as it is, it also makes me feel a bit sick."

Merlin laughed, "We've recognised their differences since the day they were born," he said, "I could see it. Even when no one could touch them and they were in that incubator I could see. Rose got unsettled more and Briar always stepped up to comfort her. They're very different."

"But they're also joined at the hip," Freya laughed.

"Mummy!" Rose suddenly burst into tears, "I've lost Daisy!"

Freya groaned, "Bet you anything she left it on that rock at badger creek."

"We'll go find it and catch up," Merlin offered, "Matt will start to worry if someone isn't back soon."

"Thank you. Come on, girls, Uncle Merlin will find Daisy and bring her back for tea."

Merlin and Arthur found their way back easily, located the poor soft toy on the boulder they'd been sitting on to watch the badger and turned to go back.

"Which path is it?" Arthur asked, staring at the two dirty tracks in front of them.

"The one on the left," Merlin said without batting an eye.

After a few minutes of walking, Arthur frowned and looked at Merlin, "Are you sure we took the right path?"

"No, we took the left one."

"Don't be an idiot. Did we take the correct path?"

"Of course we did."

"Are you sure? Because I'm fairly sure the path we took last time didn't go through the river."

"What?"

"Look," Arthur stopped and Merlin raised his head. They were standing a few feet away from a set of stepping stones that crossed the river.

"Ah."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Come on, let's go back. And take the right path this time."

"The right right path," Merlin laughed.

Ten minutes later when they still hadn't found their way back to badger creek, Arthur was getting frustrated.

"We're lost," he declared.

"We can't be."

"We are. Come on, Merlin, you used to live here, you said you used to come here all time."

"I did!"

"Then which way do we go?"

"I don't know!"

"Merlin!"

"You try navigating the woods at night when it's getting dark and you haven't been there for twenty years!"

Arthur growled and got his phone out to check their location, "We're about a mile away from the house," he said, "But there's no path straight there."

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin said sheepishly as they set off again.

"It's raining," was all Arthur said in response.

Merlin sighed sadly and let go of Arthur's hand. They walked the rest of the way back to Freya's house in silence.

Freya, Matt and the girls were already sitting at the table when Merlin and Arthur arrived.

"What took so long?" Freya asked, "You're soaked!"

"Merlin got us lost," Arthur snapped shortly, "In the rain."

Freya's eyebrows flew up in surprise and Merlin shook his head a tiny bit miserably before turning to Rose, "But look who we found on the way."

He took Daisy out of the inside pocket of his coat where he'd stuffed the toy so it wouldn't get wet in the pouring rain. Rose squealed with joy and reached out for it excitedly.

"Daisy can sit over here until you've eaten your dinner, baby," Freya took the toy off Merlin before could hand it to Rose. "Do you two want to get dried off and comfortable before dinner?" she asked her brother.

"No, no. We've kept you waiting for us long enough," Merlin sat and his face fell when Arthur seemingly pointedly sat as far away as possible from him.

"Briar would you like peas, carrots or both?" Matt asked as he began dishing everything up.

"Carrots!"

"Ok," Matt scooped a few onto her plate, "And Rose?"

"Peas, please."

Freya leaned closer to Merlin and giggled, "There's another difference for you. Taste buds from opposite poles."

Merlin gave a half-hearted smile.

Freya took his hand under the table, "What happened?"

"I don't know."

They ate dinner with pleasant but awkward conversation. Merlin and Arthur had been in Ireland for about two weeks now and the previous night, Merlin had woken at a ridiculous hour in the morning drenched in sweat and hyperventilating. His nightmares had started about three weeks earlier than they usually did. Something which was terrifying and concerning but not entirely surprising given the state of everything.

"I'll help with the dishes," Arthur offered the second everyone had finished eating.

Merlin shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Well, these girlies need a bath and to be put to bed," Freya said.

"Can Uncle Merlin help?" Briar asked.

"I will read a bedtime story to whoever gets into the bathroom first ready to choose some bubbles!" Merlin said.

The twins were up like a shot.

"Erm, excuse me!" Matt called and the girls both slunk back to their seats and said in unison, "Please may we be excused?"

"Go on. Run, run, run, run, run!"

"Please tell me you have a variety of bubbles," Merlin said to Freya worriedly.

"Yeah, in the cabinet above the sink. You'd better go be a judge before they start fighting each other over who won."

Merlin stood up and left without even a glance to Arthur. He found the twins in the bathroom, clutching their towels. Rose was sitting on the edge of the bath looking disheartened while Briar stared at her curiously.

"So who won?" Merlin asked as he chased Rose away from the bath and turned the taps on.

"Briar," Rose said quietly.

"I want Rose to pick the bubbles," Briar said, "And can you read us both a story?"

Merlin smiled, "Of course."

"Briar has to check the bubbles are good," Rose said.

"Ok," Merlin picked Rose up and opened the cupboard, "Which one do you want?" he began to pick them out one by one, "Watermelon, organic raspberry, winter berries, or 'Goodnight Wonders'?" Merlin pulled a face, "Who named these?"

"Raspberry!" Rose selected.

"That's not your favourite," Briar accused.

"So?"

"It's my favourite! You chose what I would have chose instead of what you wanted to."

"I like it too!"

Merlin groaned, "Rose, what's your favourite bubble flavour?"

"Berries."

"Ok," Merlin picked out both the 'Winter Berries' and the 'Organic Raspberry' and took them over to the bath. He handed the girls a bottle each, "Put some in."

"Both?"

"Both," Merlin confirmed.

They had a wonderful time making hats and beards and funny eyebrows with bubble foam until the water started to get cold and their fingers started to go p runy. At that point, Merlin rinsed their hair out and grabbed their towels from the heated rack.

"Briar can you take the plug out, please? Rose, stand up carefully."

He wrapped the twins up in their towels and chased them through to their bedroom. "Where do you keep your pyjamas?"

Once the twins were ready for bed, Merlin vanished to call for Freya so she could come and dry their hair. All four of them crowded onto Rose's bed for a story and then Merlin and Freya tucked the twins into their beds and kissed them goodnight. Freya stopped Merlin in the landing, "What's going on with Arthur?"

"Genuinely couldn't tell you. He just snapped at me when he realised we were lost and hasn't said a word to me since."

"Do you want me to speak to him?"

Merlin shook his head, "I know it's our biological mum that we're about to lose but she's a mother to more than just us. It's hard for Arthur and Matt and everyone in the offices back home."

Freya nodded, "I'm just checking. Because you two having a fight should make international news it's so rare."

"There was no fight. Erm, can you keep him downstairs for an hour or so?"

"Sure, why?"

"Nightmares. About Will and the fire and everything. Started last night. I didn't tell him. Clearly something's bothering him so I want to wait until he's ok before I talk to him. I need to take the meds though and if he comes in before I'm asleep, he'll know immediately."

"Merls, they're like a month earlier than you usually get them. I thought you said normally they start a few weeks after the twins' birthday."

"They do. But given the stress I'm under right now, I'm not surprised."

"You're going to tell him, though, right? At some point?"

"Of course. Just not tonight."

"Ok, I'll find some dishes for him to do and tell him you're with the twins still."

"Thank you so much."

When Merlin woke up the next morning, Arthur wasn't there and the bed beside him was cold. Merlin sighed and dragged himself up massaging his temples to combat the headache he always woke up with when he was using his sleeping pills. Normally Arthur would either get him a glass of water once Merlin was up or it would already it be there when he opened his eyes. But obviously, since Merlin hadn't told Arthur he was using the pills, there was no water to be seen.

Until the bedroom door opened and Arthur walked in, holding a pint glass filled with ice cold water. "Thought you might need this."

"How did you know?"

"I sleep beside you every night, I know when you're on those pills. You went to bed early, the lights were still on when I came in but you were fast asleep- you never sleep with the lights on- and you didn't even flinch when I got in the bed beside you. Why didn't you tell me? It's too early for the usual ones."

"You were upset with me for getting lost."

"Merlin it wasn't that."

"No? You didn't say a word to me, to sat as far away from me as you possibly could and you wouldn't even touch me. All because I said I didn't know how to get home."

"It wasn't because we were lost," Arthur promised, "It's just- when you talk about your childhood here and everything you used to do with Will and Freya, exploring the woods, camping by the river, watching badgers, building swings. You always sound so happy. You never sound that happy talking about where we live now. Are you sad in England? Would you rather live in Ireland?"

Merlin shuffled a little bit and took Arthur's hands, "My childhood is over, Arthur. It's sad. I'll never run across the bridge with Will or camp under the stars at the top of the waterfall, all three of us squashed in a tiny tent. I'll never build swings or treehouses with my father and play in them for hours. I can't bake cupcakes with my mum decorate them with as many chocolate buttons as I can possibly get on. None of that can happen again, it's all over. Of course I'm happy when I talk about it."

"I understand that. All I'm saying is that I'd do anything to make you happy. If that includes moving here, near your childhood, I don't mind."

"That's not what I want," Merlin put his hand on Arthur's cheek, "My childhood is over, Arthur, that's what I'm telling you. I don't want it back, it's gone and it was amazing but so is the life I have with you now. I love you, Arthur, I love our home, our job, our life, our dogs. I don't want to live here. I want to live with you, in our home, on our land forever. Ireland is great and it'll always be here for visits but that's all. I can't live here."

"It's just when you said about not having been to the woods in twenty years and you sounded so angry. I thought that meant you wanted to be there more."

"I was frustrated, not angry. Because I'd got us lost in the rain. Arthur, we've been together for ten years. Have I ever, ever told you I want to go to badger creek and explore the fields?"

Arthur shook his head, "No."

"And do you think that maybe if I'd wanted to be there, I would have asked?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Merlin kissed him, "I get it. Everything's ten times more stressful than usual at the moment. No one's head is on straight."

"I love you."

"Love you, too. Please, though- please don't ever give me the silent treatment. I think I'd rather you were screaming at me and hitting me than not talking to me."

"I'm so sorry, gorgeous."

Merlin shook his head, "Come on, let's go and give our doggies a cuddle."

The dogs weren't allowed upstairs in Freya's house. There was a baby gate at the top of the stairs because they were so steep and the girls were still young. Said gate was kept firmly locked overnight meaning if the dogs had been upstairs, there wouldn't be a way for them to get down for food or water.

"Stay here and cuddle me for a little bit longer? I missed my before bed hug last night."