Disclaimer: Indy best Girl.
Alright. I'm gonna try something. Now, be warned. Montpelier is probably going to turn you off. But I have a purpose with this.
I think.
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Maybe.
Reviews:
Severak: RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
The One: You can never have enough siscon. And I mean never. NEVER.
Stuka: You are a man of culture. But, Indy should be your favorite. Now Portland, please lower the knife...
John: Ah yes, My favorite tag. Dark skinned. *Bonks myself to honri jail*
Montpelier's POV:
Bright. I opened my eyes and winced before shutting it close again. Day time. My room smelled different. What happened? Think.
I close my eyes. Aniki talked about Portland. Aniki talked about her fake church. I fought for Aniki's honor.
I lost. How did I lose to a handicapped opponent? I turned around on the bed. She couldn't hit me! How did I still lose? I got second in the bare-fighting tournament, how did I still lose? I kicked my feet against the blanket. I beat San Francisco in a mock duel, and she had been an officer on the front lines. I'm better than almost all cruisers. How could I lose?
"Eat." A metal spoon poked my cheek. A bit of soup spilled on my arm, stinging me for a second.
I half opened my eyes and let them adjust to the fluorescent lighting. In front of me was a blurry metal figure. The spoon.
"Where am I?" My voice was hoarse. I fully opened my eyes. In front of me was a silvered haired heavy cruiser, magazine in one hand and the spoon in the other. The scent of chicken waffled by.
"The holy sanctuary of Indy." The cruiser put down the magazine. No, it was a comic. The spoon once again prodded my head.
"I don't accept charity from shams." I turned the other way. In front of me was a body pillow of a skimpy covered cruiser surrounded by rather convenient towels.
"You have to eat." Portland muttered, now nudging the back of my head. A few drops spilled on my hair.
"Don't pity me." I stuffed my head into my pillow.
"Careful, that has been used." Portland tapped my head.
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I lifted my face off. The pillowcase was covered by a face of the tanned cruiser puckering her lips. I sensed a faint odor of cherry chapstick from the cushion. I immediately thrusted my mouth into the bowl of soup. I felt a slight burning on my lips.
"The spoon is over here." Portland dropped the spoon back into the bowl.
"You are disgusting." I removed my head from the bowl and sat up. The room was painted a light beige, though you could barely see any wall beneath the lines of posters of the tanned cruiser. In the corner was an incense stand centered around a sewn doll where an electronic candle glowed dimly.
"I am Portland." She handed me a paper napkin. I cautiously took the white paper. There was some white substance stuck to its side.
"This is laced, isn't it." I handed it back to her. She took it back and tried to shove it in my face. I kicked her hand away. Portland rushed at me again.
"Do you want me to tell Aniki about this?" I threatened, batting her hand away. Portland froze in mid air.
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Checkmate.
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Got it! Portland is afraid of me. Or rather, she's afraid of Aniki finding out. If I play my cards right, Perhaps I can get a sweet sum to bring back home! Then we can finally afford meat! Aniki would be so proud, right?
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"You will answer my questions." I set my terms. "And then you shall let me go."
Portland waited for a moment before reluctantly nodding her head.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"The holy sanctuary of Indy." Portland pointed to the altar.
"Why am I here?" I glared.
"Because you broke your arm." Portland pointed. I wiggled my elbow and my torso burned. I gripped my chest with my healthy hand. Portland pressed some ice into my shoulder blades.
"Why not the hospital?" I snatched the bag and numbed the pain away.
Portland squeamishly glaced around her.
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"Do you want me to tell Aniki?" I blackmailed her.
"I can't bring you to the authorities." Portland whispered to me. "They're going to think I did this to you and they will mothball me and then I might not ever see Indy again!"
Oh you poor fool. You don't honestly tell me what you're afraid of. That's the most basic rule of interrogation!
"So what's stopping me from going to Essex?" I began my extortion. She might have temporarily won against me in hand to hand combat, but I can beat her intelligently. I grinned smugly. "How much are you going to pay me?"
"I'm not paying you anything." Portland warned, taking the bowl of soup and drawing another spoonful.
"Again, I can always tell Aniki that you've broken my arm and she'll tell Essex." I informed her. "If you don't want me to send you directly to the scrap yard, you'll have to comply."
"And how are you going to do all of that?" Portland wiped my chin.
"You can't trap me forever." I stated the obvious. "I'm going to get out eventually."
"I'm counting on you to not report this." Portland sighed.
"But you ruined your chances after you tried to drug me." I shrugged.
"You'll come around eventually." Portland muttered, giving me a mug.
"Well, if you don't want for me to tell the authorities, you're going to have to give me something." I crossed my arms. I then immediately uncrossed them as soon as the pain reminded me that one of them was broken.
"Only if you join the Church of Indy." Portland offered.
"No no, you don't understand." I shook my head. This cruiser is such a pain. "I'm not asking you. I'm ordering you. You will pay me to keep quiet."
"The only person who can order me around is Indy and Indy alone." Portland vowed. "If you want something from me, ask."
"You're not getting it. I hold the power. Your fate depends on my hands, and that wasn't the answer I was looking for. If you don't do as I say, your life is over." I smirked, setting up the extorsion. "So, what will you do for me? Give me money? Become my servant? Maybe if you're lucky, I'll only force you to sell your Indy-"
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"I'll tell Cleveland that you picked a fight with me in the middle of the night." Portland's eyes turned a violent, infernal crimson red.
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I let Portland spoon me the bowl of soup.
"Yo, Portland." An aircraft carrier opened the door, strolling in. "I got the homework you wanted."
"Portland's out." I muttered, shifting in my bed. How did I become the one being threatened? I had the all the material prepped up. She somehow turned it against me! There's no way I can be weaker and dumber than that cruiser, right? (1) If only I was as good as Aniki. She was always the best at negotiation. She would have won against Portland. If only I could be as smart as Aniki.
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Aniki, please help me. These treaty cruisers are scary...
"Huh." The carrier dropped her bags at the side of the door. "Who might you be?"
"Montpelier." I whispered.
"Intrepid." The carrier gave me her hand.
I glanced at my broken arm. Intrepid nodded her head and leaned back.
"So you got beat up by Portland as well!" Intrepid snorted. "Congratulations!"
"Hey! I didn't get beat up by Portland!" I defended myself. (2)
"It sure seems like that." Intrepid inspected my arm. "That look pretty beat up to me."
"It was a draw." I negotiated.
"It's completely fine to lose." Intrepid patted my head. "Consider it a rite of passage. I also lost when I was young and inexperienced."
"I didn't lose!" I stiffened my chin. At last! An easy argument I can win! "I was winning that battle! Portland was constantly backing away. She couldn't find any gaps to exploit. You see, Portland had never hit me!"
"But did you hit Portland?" Intrepid tilted her head.
"Twice!" I smirked back.
"Was one just a sneak attack?" Intrepid began to fumble around in her bag.
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"Once." I bit my lip.
"And was the other one blocked?" Intrepid took out some books.
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"Bingo huh?" Intrepid snorted. "You know Portland lets you get two hits in to judge your strength, right?"
She does?! Was she really in control the entire time?
"That's - That's not true!" I stuttered.
"It's fine." Intrepid winked at me. "Portland is among the best fighters in the Eagle Union.
"I am an equal to Portland!" I stressed to her. "As another top fighter, I am also her rival!"
"To be a rival, don't you have to beat her first?" Intrepid asked, sitting down on a chair.
"Oh, and I guess you can beat her." I shook my head mockingly. This carrier!
"Once." Intrepid's face lit up with a smug grin.
"Doubt it." I turned my head away. I'm not wasting my breath on this jerk any more.
"Hey, since I beat Portland, and Portland beat you." Intrepid snorted repulsively. "Don't this mean I'm better than you?
"Okay, that's in no way true!" I shot right back up, pushing the blankets to the side. "First of all, I didn-"
"What the name of Indy is going on here!" Portland opened the door, carrying a paper sheet. "This is a sanctuary, not a stable!"
"She's the pig." I pointed at her.
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Portland facepalmed. "Intrepid, what did you do?"
"Why me?" Intrepid lazily threw her arms in the air.
"Because even if Montpelier is a conceited sleazeball, she's an introverted sleazeball." Portland explained. "So what did you do?"
Am I supposed to be offended?
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"I'm her senior, right?" Intrepid got up. "Isn't this was seniors do? I don't know, I've never been a senior before."
"I don't think that's how seniority works. Did you tease her a lot?" Portland raised her eyebrows. "Please don't tell me that you mentioned her height. It's going to be so much harder for me to convert her now..."
"I wouldn't resort to that." Intrepid shook her head. Then, a smile crept up her face.
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"I've grown up." Intrepid winked.
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"Wow. Low blow." I shook my head, laughing sarcastically. "As expected, you continue to be a garbage role model. You're perhaps the most degenerate carrier, corrupt with this fight mongering and smug aura." (3)
"Harsh." Intrepid winced.
"I would say there's a few carriers that might be slightly more lousy than Intrepid." Portland wobbled her head. "She's certainly not the worst, so I'd hold your breath."
"About time you took my side." Intrepid noted.
"You're still not the best by any means." Portland reminded her.
"Congratulations!" I mocked. "You are now classified as: Mediocre!"
"Still a bit better than you though" Intrepid patted my head. "Through transitive property, doesn't that mean you're a bit short of the average?"
"Let's fight." I rolled the blanking to the side and got out of the bed.
"Woah woah." Portland hurried and brought a paper. "If you two fight, you must sign this saying I'm not at fault, okay?"
"Fine." I quickly scribbled a rushed signature on the form before reaching for my shoes.
"Yes!" Portland pumped her hand in the air. "Now stop!"
"I ain't stopping. She gonna get it!" I reached for my coat.
"You have to stop." Intrepid informed me. "After all, Portland is your superior in the Church of Indy."
"I'm not in that darn tootin' Church." I cackled, warming up my engine. "Just cuz I spent a night here doesn't mean I'm forced in."
"But didn't you just sign the papers?" Portland grinned deviously.
I froze.
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I jumped for the document. Portland jumped back.
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"Intrepid, take this to the mail office. I've just told California, so she should be ready."
"Got it." Intrepid took the paper and ran out the door.
I chased after her. Portland stepped in front of me. "Sorry, but I'm not letting you out until your arm heals."
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Wait. Did I just join them?
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"Am I..."
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"Yup!" Portland gave out her hand. "You're stuck with us now!"
Footnotes:
(1): Yes, Montpelier. You are weaker and dumber than Portland. Congratulations!
(2): You did.
(3): Hypocrisy: the practice of engaging in the same behavior or activity for which one criticizes another
Portland doesn't even have to drug/kidnap/threaten me to join the Cult of Indy!
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Wait, was I supposed to say Church?
Portland, that was a mistake, please let me go now.
On a more serious note, would you buy a used Indy body pillow? Would you buy it if Portland had used it?
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Who am I kidding, that's the best part!
Anyways, see you next week!