CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE – The Importance of the Moment of Death
[MAY 2018]
"Nat! Steve! Sam!" I greeted my friends as they exited the Quinjet, Bruce Banner and James Rhodes lingering behind.
Though unexpected was their presence a tense strain mirrored in all their faces. Sometimes I forgot about the world around me. Wrapped in the safe cocoon Wakanda offered, I'd grown surprisingly accustom to fearing only for what occurred in my personal bubble, rather than the exploits of the world.
Natasha reached me first, drawing me into an unusually tight hug. I caught Steve's gaze over her shoulder, my old friend appearing weary but his strong jaw supporting a healthy beard, a tale of the life he'd been living.
"If we didn't have to involve you, we wouldn't, I swear." Her voice hummed in my ear.
We parted, and I could see something unfamiliar written across her face. If I'd had a moment longer to study her, I might've chosen fear. She stepped back allowing Steve to take her place.
"Gin, have you heard from Tony or Michael?"
"Not Tony, but Michael's here with Mariko and Sara."
I reached for his arm when he motioned to step aside.
"Tell me this is a friendly visit." I cringed at the pathetic begging in my tone, fingers digging into his dirty flesh.
"It's not. There's been an incident."
My stomach dropped as my hand did from his arm.
"Long story short, this guy called Thanos is collecting the Infinity Stones, he's already been in New York…Tony's missing."
My arms wound around my body, the intimate ache of lost spreading throughout my body. "Now I know it's serious, a battle isn't complete without the 'ol stars and stripes." I muttered under my breath.
Steve moved pass me, my body turning to find Bucky approaching. Dressed in an old combat uniform, the new cybernetic arm crafted from what I assumed was vibranium added dread to my already uneasy feeling.
"T'Challa came by the farm." Bucky extended his new arm to me, but I remained frozen in place, his new arm a painful reminder of our tangled past.
"I'll go suit up." I announced dully, walking away from the group.
A couple of T'Challa's guards accompanied me back to the apartment. Ignoring Michael and Mariko, I headed into the bedroom taking an old Avengers bodysuit from the closet. Apprehension choked words in my throat, my thoughts racing uncontrolled around my head as I changed in the stiff black bodysuit.
"You can sit this one out, y'know?"
Bucky's presence behind me didn't offer its usual soothing effect. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, trembling fingers drawing my hair into a ponytail.
"Gin," Bucky called softly to me. "Look at me, sweetheart."
"This is different," I whispered, facing him. "Steve and Nat, they're scared… the two strongest people I know are scared. This is like nothing we've faced before."
I went to him, pressing myself against him in a vain hope of burying myself in his protective hold. Yesterday life was simple, and now tomorrow was uncertain.
"We do what we always do, we fight."
"Fight until someone puts us in the ground," I muttered darkly.
"At least we'll be together."
"Not funny."
He grabbed my face with both hands, pressing his lips to mine. Words wouldn't bring comfort or explain away our unwavering loyalty to protect a world intent on condemning us. Reality might've interrupted our peaceful life, but if we stuck together, we'd fight until the last breath, just as we'd been doing all our lives.
"Fight to come back to me?" I whispered against his lips.
"Always."
Departing the bedroom, Michael moved away from Mariko.
"I'm coming with you."
Though defiance burned in his gaze, I shook my head.
"You're staying right here with your family."
"Mom–"
"There's no discussion, Michael. What's coming is nothing we've faced before. When I walk out that door, I know you'll all be safe as you can be right here."
He started shaking his head.
"She's right, Mike." Mariko flashed me a feeble smile, adjusting her hold of Sara. "We need you here."
He saw reason in the face of his daughter and grudgingly stepped aside.
I hugged them both and planted a lingering kiss on Sara's forehead. Her sweet face gave me the courage to leave my family. I needed to fight for their future, to protect them no matter the cost. They deserved that much.
We joined our friends and T'Challa's loyal soldiers, watching as he directed them to various points.
"This feels familiar," Steve remarked glancing at me as I did him.
"But different."
He frowned.
"I learnt long ago to trust my gut, and something doesn't feel right. It's as if I can't see the entire picture, something is hidden, and unknown variables don't bode well for us."
"I'll understand if you wanna go back to your family."
I managed a feeble smile. "How many times do I have to say it? You are family, Nat, and Sam too. You need me here. God forbid any of these… beings reach my granddaughter. They'll wish they'd never come here."
"She'll be fine." Bucky chimed in coming up behind us with Natasha. "Her dads got some skills."
"I can't take all the credit for that." Natasha added.
"I admire your modesty." I retorted drawing a smile to her lips. "Whatever happens, we're in this together."
We boarded one of the crafts taking soldiers to Wakanda's borders, hoping battle would distract the horrible feeling in my stomach.
-x-
Strange triangular spaceships took off into the clear vastness of blue sky, a distraction if it weren't for the creatures attempting to kill me at every turn. I'd lost Bucky and the others in the chaos of battle but fought on regardless. Sweat burned my eyes, a ringing sound echoed in my ears and the metallic tang of blood lingered on my parched lips.
A sharp knock to the back of the head sent me sprawling forward, scuffing over a mound of dirt I tripped, falling flat on my back. My eyes rolled back in my head and I passed out.
"Everyone on my position, we've got company."
A cool breeze dancing across my face woke me, Steve's voice coming loud and clear through the comms.
Rolling onto my stomach I dragged myself up onto my knees, sucking down gulps of air until my lungs began functioning properly again. Sounds of war raged on whilst I laid forgotten. I couldn't see anyone familiar in the battling crowds but hearing Steve was enough to force me into action.
I pressed a finger to my comms. "I'm on my way, Steve." I puffed getting to my feet and took off for the forest, forcing my limbs to ignore the ungodly pain tightening my muscles to reach my friends in need.
I entered a clearing, skidding to halt as Thor brought who I assumed was Thanos to his knees. A large hammer stuck in his chest didn't stop him from raising his huge fist. The golden gauntlet glove moved slowly, the infinity stones blazing powerfully until Thanos snapped his fingers. Whilst the glove began to disintegrate, an eerie stillness overcame the clearing.
"Steve?"
Bucky's voice made me turn just in time to see his face darken, weapon awkwardly lowering as nothing held it up in place.
"Bucky!"
My love gradually turned grey, bits of him fluttering off like ash in the wind.
"BUCKY!" Emotion, in its rawest form came spilling out of me in a terrified scream. "NO!" I ran to his side nothing but ashy snowflakes falling through my trembling fingers.
"Mom?"
I glanced back over my shoulder, despair and grief twisting inside me as Michael entered the clearing, dirty and bloody from combat, face discoloring as Bucky had seconds before.
"No, no, no!" I crawled clumsily across the ground to reach Michael collapsing onto his knees. "No… you were meant to stay out of this!" My lungs resisted to operate against the emotional turmoil as desperately I clung to Michael's fragile body, his ashen face gliding through my fingertips. "Michael! No, stay with me!"
My hands fell to the dirt, clawing through damp earth. Uncontrollable tears rolled down my cheeks as I dung to something I'd never find.
"Gin, stop!" Natasha's voice sounded far away, her grip of my arms pulling my dirty hands from the ground. She fell to her knees beside me, arms holding me tightly against her with each heartbreaking sob torturing my body.
After all these years, I'd finally lost everything.