DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis

Kakashi sighed heavily at the amount of paperwork that had gathered in the time that he had been hospitalized by crazy Tsunade. Damn that woman. She was eating up so much of Naru's time and he was once again feeling lonely. Speaking of… Naru walked into his office, a worried look on her pretty face. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it. "To what do I owe the pleasure, love?"

Naru crossed her arms under her chest. "Boss isn't doing so good…" the now known clone of Naru said with a grimace. "She was gonna report in a henge to look like her old self, but I told her that wouldn't be a good idea." Seeing Kakashi's mouth fall open a bit behind his mask, she continued. "Idiot can't get her uniform to fit." She scratched the back of her head in embarrassment.

Kakashi took a moment to breathe. "What uniform?" He asked darkly. He knew that Naru didn't have any clothes that were appropriate for shinobi and that Naruto's things had all been pilfered after her so-called death by friends and her - er, his, supposedly well-meaning fans. That was more than fine with him at this point. Even though she'd already proven herself a bit a couple of days ago, he didn't want his fiance in the field.

Some of Naru/Naruto's more crazed fans had attempted to kidnap her twice since her presence and new status had become known. The first time, ANBU had been following her and they'd scattered. The second time, she'd been under a slight henge to go see Sakura and the baby without his knowledge. She'd beaten the living crap out of the perpetrators before Kiba and Shino arrived to arrest them.

The clone didn't answer, but her face paled before swallowing thickly. "Look, she's gonna be pissed that I said anything, but we're one for all and all for Naruto." She closed her eyes. "She is NOT mission ready. She's still got huge holes in her memory…" A knock on the door interrupted her as the real Naru entered - her blonde hair and blue eyes still extremely evident behind an ANBU mask.

Kakashi was surprised but pleased. ANBU reported to him, and he knew every past living and current member of the elite unit. His pervert sensibilities heightened. So she wants to do a little role-playing, eh? Works for me! He watched as the clone dispelled, looking frightened, while the real Naru behind the mask then paused a moment before curling her hands into cute little fists. It was time for his acting abilities to shine for foreplay. "Report, Frog." He demanded angrily - doing his best not to let out a giggle.

Naru isn't doing a very good job, he thought. Her body posture indicated she was a little taken aback, and then she rubbed the back of her neck. Kuwaii! He shook her cuteness off and scowled at his paperwork, deciding that looking right at her would break his concentrated efforts at "being the Hokage" in whatever fantasy she had cooked up.

"It's TOAD, damnit," she muttered. Kakashi could imagine that she was pouting under that rather goofy-looking mask, not that he'd say so. "Reporting for duty, Hokage-sama." She stood silently before falling to her knees awkwardly. Her position was now perfect for what she was doing in so many ways, but it seemed that she had forgotten that ANBU customarily knelt in front of their Kage when reporting formally or awaiting orders.

He had no problem with Naru being on her knees: none at all. She hadn't done that to him before now, so he was actually pretty thrilled with the idea of adding blow jobs to their repertoire of activities. Smirking, he pulled down his mask since it was just the two of them together. He about came undone when she tilted her head to the side so adorably: her big blue eyes looking so innocently up at him, as he approached from around the desk. "Ne, Frog-chan," he began silkily. "There hasn't been an ANBU Toad in around 25 to 30 years. You'll have to do something very well in order to appease your Kage's anger at your lies." He began unbuttoning his pants.

Naru flew back against the opposite wall and squawked in outrage. "You! You - you fucker! What the hell, Kakashi?! This - this is what… This is what you do to your ANBU?! I'm gonna Rasengan your balls off!"

Kakashi barely dodged before she did just that. What is happening?! He continued dodging the furious, obscenity-screaming kunoichi who had to finally be held down by ANBU. Just as he took a shaky breath - because gods she was faster than he expected after all this time - her similarly outraged clones started popping into existence all around him. He sunshinned the hell out of there, hearing the defeated screams and popping of clones, as he appeared in front of Sakura and Lee's apartment.

As soon as Lee answered the door, Kakashi crammed himself inside, breathing hard and shutting it quickly behind them. He put up a seal and turned around. Oh gods no, they were there, too.

Tsunade, that damn hag, looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. Why did Sakura-chan have Katsuya swallow that big-breasted pain in the ass to bring her back to supervise her labor? That baby was coming out fast, either way! Gai was holding the baby, so Kakashi knelt down behind his wheelchair. He didn't know how long he had until a wayyyyy too overly-powered blonde would be busting through the door or wall, but he felt that she'd hesitate in killing him so that he could speak if a baby was between him and her fury.

"Sensei," Sakura began tiredly, "your fly is open, way open."

Kakashi blushed and fixed the problem.

"Tch! I haven't seen your face since you were four and Jiraiya pulled off your mask, Hatake," Tsunade said as Kakashi quickly pulled up one mask, and then secured it with another. She would've laughed at his discomfort, but she was still pissed off at him. First, the pervert hides the gaki, and then I find out they're… intimate? Oh, if only Jiraiya or Minato were alive…

A firm knock sounded at the door. Kakashi begged everyone not to answer it, before realizing the seal he put up was literally burning through and off the door. "Fuck. Oh, I really screwed up this time."

"Boss has ordered your death, heartbreaker," the masked clone said calmly.

"Stand down, Toad," Tsunade said. Naru's clone easily complied and once again went down to one knee, her/its head bowed and awaiting further orders. This time the clone's movements were graceful and purposeful. "What the hell's going on, Hatake?"

Kakashi finally stood but kept Gai and the baby in front of him just in case. "'What's going on?!' Naru and I were… Well, I thought we were…" He was embarrassed especially when Tsunade let out an angry grunt at him. He groaned out loud. "I thought she wanted to fool around, but - but..." His humiliation only worsened as Sakura and Lee barely held back their obvious laughter at his expense. "She tried to kill me!"

"Just your balls," the pretend ANBU muttered. Kakashi had a feeling that the clone was smiling evilly under that silly mask.

"Toad, when was the last time you checked the barrier? And where's your original?"

"Well, that's the thing, Granny! Boss wanted to check, cause she just remembered it this morning - and we also wanted to get some ramen cause we all really miss it and Boss is super hungry, except that she's been feeling sick so ramen's gotta help and…"

"Toad! What have I told you about reporting and answering questions?" The Godaime asked harshly.

The clone looked up and tilted its head. "Ummm… Not to?" Tsunade began cursing at the blonde before she remembered. "Oh! Keep it brief! Yeah, but there's so much to say and all this shit to do and…"

"Damnit, Naruto: shut the hell up. Hatake?! Control your idiotic subordinate - subordinate's clone. Tch! Whatever!" Tsunade waved her hand off like she was shooing bugs and moved to the kitchen where she pulled a sake bottle out of the refrigerator. The baby had already begun crying.

"Scary," clone Naru said as she looked at the wailing newborn. A slight tremble could be seen in the hand that hadn't curled protectively against her chest.

Sakura wasn't sure whether she wanted to see either of her two idiot teammates, let alone deal with this shit. The last time she'd seen Naru, everyone was rightfully gushing over her beautiful daughter. The babe's rather thick but fluffy black hair and big bluish-green eyes had entranced everyone who saw her beautiful little face. Everyone except Naru and Kakashi.

"I don't understand. She's so squishy and ugly!" Naru had said as KI began to fill the room.

"Maa, maa, Naru-chan, there's still hope. All newborns are hideous but her little face will smooth out, I'm sure." Kakashi said with an eye-smile, stroking the blonde's hair while staring at the little one. "The stink and limpness, though: urgh."

The two were quickly chased out of the room.

Sakura began to breastfeed her squalling newborn daughter as Naru's clone began gagging behind her mask. She looked up to see her sensei's inquisitive gaze upon her before he finally spoke. She was really getting pissed off.

"Maa, at least I've found something good about having babies," Kakashi said quite seriously.

Gai's fist immediately came up from his seated position and punched him soundly in the jaw as he quietly, for the sake of his goddaughter, complained about his rival's unyouthfulness. Tsunade sighed and wondered whether or not she really wanted to stay in this village full of morons, after all. Meh, my family is here. I bet I could get Hatake to legalize gambling in the city if I offered to help out in the office…

Kakashi didn't immediately understand why Naru would be doing anything related to barriers. He had always believed that neither she nor Naruto knew any more fuuinjutsu than the average shinobi, which wasn't much. He wasn't called a genius for no reason, though. Tsunade had referred to Naru as if she was actual ANBU - although an unconventional one, to put it mildly. That meant that there were probably many things that he had assumed he knew about Naruto that were not true. But he loved puzzles, so he wouldn't ask for now. At this point, the most important thing to do was calm down an Uzumaki, something he knew from two generations of them that wouldn't necessarily be easy.

Naru sat in the hole without her mask and sulked. She was almost afraid to look over at her fellow-inmate. He'd been locked up after punching her earlier, after all.

"Sorry," the brown-haired man said after many minutes of silence.

"No. I was the one who said I'm sorry," Naru replied guiltily.

"Bullshit, Naruto. You don't need to apologize to anyone. And before I saw you - before I could even believe that you were alive again… You'd been begging everyone for forgiveness for what? Days?! I don't know what your deal is, but it's troublesome and a real drag."

"Gomennasai, Shika."

"One condition, you troublesome blonde," Shikamaru saw Naruto's lips lift into a gentle smile. "Explain why you didn't tell me you were female. I thought - I thought we were close," he pouted.

Naru took a deep breath, realizing that the Nara had a cute pout - although there was normally a cigarette in it that lessened the effect he could've possibly had on most of the female population. "What can I say? I didn't remember anything when we were at Neji's that night… Ya fucking kidnapper," Naru scolded making Shikamaru grin a bit. "I thought you were a pervert who wanted to do me, ya know?!" She noticed that Shikamaru turned a little green and covered her mouth as she laughed at him. "Speaking of perverts, does Ka- Hokage-sama ever make you suck him off if you… Oh! Never mind," Naru squeaked.

Shikamaru began to have a mental breakdown.

"Wait, wait!" She held her hands up to her enranged cellmate. "He, uh… I just got my clone's memories, and well… You know how Kakashi's a pervert right?" She ignored Shika's slouching shoulders as he held his head and muttered out his favorite word. "Yeah, well he thought something uhhh - different was happening from what I understood, so yeah: it's all good." She could feel that she was blushing furiously and turned her head away from her best friend.

"Troublesome - so fucking troublesome. Does he know that we were partners? He thought I joined ANBU after you… you know: had your little death stunt." Shikamaru swallowed the lump in his throat at the thought but tried to grin at Naru.

"Nah," she said, hiding behind her long hair. "I haven't had time to tell him jack shit, but my clone met up with Tsunade when I was detained for trying to kick Kashi's ass. We talked - just barely - about some stuff, so he finally knows that I'm ANBU now, surely." She grimaced slightly, but couldn't tell Shika about her ongoing lifetime solo mission. Not that I remember where I'm supposed to do it… Crap. "So anyway, what's up with you?"

The ANBU partners continued to chat about everything from Naruto being a woman, to the horrifying news that Shika was about to be a father. Naruto shivered at the idea of being a parent.

In her mindscape, a certain small but reforming Bijuu's somewhat unintentionally vicious smile crept up in amusement. Shortsighted Uzumaki: she's even less perceptive than her mother was.