I really did think that this was going to be the final chapter. However, I have spent countless hours trying to refine and round off this story. In doing so, I clocked up over 10k. I still have a fair bit of editing to do until it is perfect, so what I have done is I have split it at a piece I thought could break away from the bulk of the writing. So, here we are. It's a sort of Chapter 45A and the next part Chapter 45B. Part B, when it's done (I am hoping by the weekend) will be pretty long and I do not apologise in the slightest haha. I'm sure if you, the lovely readers, had an issue with long stories you most certainly would not have followed me to where we are today. I am thankful to each and every one of you that has taken the time to read this story. I know that it has been shaped and developed very much by the people who have taken the time to reach out in messages and comments, so I hope that after everything, that you are happy with the way in which this ends. Until the final chapter, I hope you enjoy this little Part A!
Carson sat at his desk as he carried on writing down the bottles of wine that had been decanted and used that evening, making sure that the totals were removed from his ledger. Not only was he a stickler for accurate record-keeping, but he also enjoyed being around and monitoring such a fine collection of wine. The evening, after Lady Mary's outburst, had taken an unexpected turn for the better, and with that came an increase in alcohol consumption as they took advantage of the happy atmosphere. The moment ran through everyone, and they all got caught up in the laughter and frivolity as you would expect. It came in quick and successive bursts, jokes and tales that added to the atmosphere were expelled for all to marvel at. You would never have thought that just a few weeks before the house had been shadowed by such pain.
Once everyone had decided that it had been time for bed, or to get a car home, there was a common flush of the cheeks between those who had attended. The glassy-eyed stare and slight stupor of inebriation became a common theme, and a few had been touched far heavier than others. It had been lucky that there had been a substantial meal involved, as he was sure that it had kept them on a far more even keel than if there hadn't been. Carson had been rather amused by it all, but also relieved and contented in hearing the laugher once more ringing in his ears. The contrast was astounding, especially as he had witnessed the pit of despair with his own eyes. The warm flow had descended on the family and had pushed away the shadows that had held them captive for what seemed an eternity. That first initial laugh from Lady Mary had shifted the whole dynamic of the home. The noise from her laughter had melted and cracked that stone-cold ice of loss, warming everyone up from within. It felt like a permanent shift, something that would continue and not just a brief glimpse on the off-chance. The world of Downton was on the rebound.
Outside of his pantry, Carson could hear a set of footsteps that sounded unusual as they moved closer and closer to his room. Intrigued, he put down his pen and strained his ears to listen more attentively. The sound of the heel as it hit the floor was not the sound of something that would come from sensible footwear, the type that they all wore downstairs, and that intrigued him further. Years of working in this home had made it easy for him to note the differing sounds, and it did come in handy at times. Getting to his feet as he wondered more about who it was, he moved to the door and pulled it open. Staring back at him with a look of surprise was Lady Mary, her cheeks flushed from the shock of surprise or because the wine still ran warm through her veins.
"Lady Mary," Carson said with a surprised tone. "Oh, please, do come in." He stepped back to hold the door open, inviting her in with an outstretched hand. They both took their seats.
Mary nodded in acknowledgement and walked in. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Carson. I had planned to talk to you after dinner but I got a little carried away. We were all having such fun."
Intrigued by her attendance, Carson opened his hand and pointed it at the seat to signal for her to sit down if she wanted to. "Oh, not at all. I thought you had already gone up to bed? I know Anna has already made her way up to your room." As he spoke he hovered, waiting to see if she took the seat so he could do the same.
"Well, I did go upstairs, but then I realised that I hadn't seen you as I had planned. I also wanted to see if Papa made it in one piece after his little show. It was amusing to watch both he and Tom in hysterical laughter as they tried to climb the stairs." In her hand she could feel the pressure of the small velvet box pressed against her skin, reminding her of her task. "I hope I'm not disturbing you?"
Carson let out a gust of air that sounded like a cross between a strangled horse and a steam train as he shook his head. "No, not at all. My door is always open for you for whatever you need, Lady Mary. Whenever you need it. I was just doing some administrative work before I went up for the evening. Are you quite well?" As he lifted his eyes to look at her face, he was met with the same glassy-eyed expression as many of the other family members. The deep brown eyes of hers were sparkling bright as she met his gaze, smiling at him, giving him the reaffirmation that she was better. It made him feel content to see her holding herself with such strength, her inner core and resolve having reassembled after so many weeks of torture.
"Oh, yes," Mary confirmed with enthusiasm, her fingers squeezing the box in her hand tightly. "I do feel quite well."
Content with her answer, Carson leant himself further into his chair as he waited for her to continue. "What can I help you with?"
Mary lifted her arm and opened her palm to reveal the box, stretching out her arm towards the desk as she did. When she caught sight of it and bounced her eyes back to Carson her expression changed and became slightly more serious. "I spoke to Anna earlier," she began tentatively. "I had asked how you were doing now that you were back at work. I just wanted to reinforce what I had seen with my own eyes as I caught sight of you in and around the house."
The box made a gentle shuffling noise as she placed it onto his desk and pushed it forward. "Anna had mentioned that you had been a little stressed. Firstly, I don't want you to hold that against her, she was only telling me because I asked. Engagements, weddings and everything involved can be a lot more stressful than people may assume. The connection and the relationship part is amazing, but everything on the run-up to a wedding can be quite tedious, stressful and overwhelming at times." Then she paused and gave a little laugh. "I don't want to put you off. I mean, you are Mr Carson, and no doubt you will have no issues with any of the planning and execution of such an event. I just know that you of all people will want to do everything right, to the book and to the right level of decorum and zest that you do with everything. The difference now is that you are doing it for yourself and Mrs Hughes. You will want to do what is right for her above all else, and that can be terrifying. A ring, no matter what, is a symbol of unity and status. Giving the right one probably holds a great deal of importance to you. I don't know much of Mrs Hughes and her tastes, but I thought that I might offer you this."
Carson's eyes had already been looking at the box with intense curiosity as soon as he had spotted it in her hand. Then, as he had followed her words he had become more and more intrigued by the contents. "My Lady?"
"My debt to you is insurmountable if we were to try and measure it in relative terms, Carson. If I can make even the smallest of gestures that could help you then I shall. I thought that this could be a temporary or even permanent solution to your current situation. It's nothing elaborate, but it is beautiful and elegant." Mary lifted the lid on the box and turned it. "I thought as I came down here that if it is something that Mrs Hughes loves then I want you to keep it. If she does not then it can be a temporary fix so that she, and the rest of the world, know your intentions. I know she knows this deep down but showing this can be amazing and romantic. There is a sentiment behind it that transcends more than just visual acknowledgement for the sake of others. It's one of my favourites-"
"Then I simply can not take it from you, My Lady," Carson exclaimed strongly. "If it means that much to you then it simply must remain in your possession." It did not seem right to take something of such finery from her even without her declaration of favouritism.
"Carson," Mary said firmly. "That's not what I meant. It's one of my favourite rings, but in all honesty, you are one of my favourite people. If this ring can bring about even a modicum of usefulness to you then this is all I can ask. Propose to her with this, even if it is just a temporary solution. Please, it is a gift."
Moving his eyes from the box to Lady Mary, he noted that the glazed over expression that her eyes had held had gone. The look was hard, determined, soft and warm all at the same time. In the years he had known her he had seen her use it many times, and it was usually when she wanted to get her way. It wasn't without care though, and he could see that it was laced with love. "I would worry that something may happen to it."
A light chuckle escaped Mary's lips. "Carson. I have learnt, especially of the past week or so, that there is more to life than material things. Love is important. It is pure and rare in many ways. To feel love, a connection and feeling so pure is something many people in this life do not get a chance to experience. It is just a ring. It is replaceable! I would rather know that you can use it, rather know that it is being used for good than worry about whether it's going to get lost or not. It sits there for months at a time without being used." Mary pushed the case forward further. "Please, use it."
Seeing her determination for him to use it, Carson reached forward to take the box so that he could inspect the very generous offering. The band was simple, elegant and beautiful. Although it seemed replaceable to Lady Mary, it looked expensive to him. The idea that he could offer Mrs Hughes a proposal and have room to manoeuvre the mine-field of providing the right ring would help. It was generous, but there was still a small part of him that thought that it wouldn't be right to accept. Being torn between propriety and allowing himself to accept the gift was difficult, but he knew that she also wouldn't offer it if she wasn't sure. "Thank you, My Lady," he accepted hesitantly.
Mary knew that he was still dubious about accepting the offer, but at the same time, she could see behind his eyes that he wasn't going to push it further. Feeling the pang of fatigue from the evening's events, she got to her feet. "Please do let me know what she says when you finally ask the question?"
Carson got to his feet and then checked to make sure that the lid was tight on the box before putting it into his pocket. It was the pocket that he used for his important things because he knew that it was tight and so it was less likely to get lost. "I will. Thank you, My Lady," he said with real sincerity. "I am very grateful for this, and I know that Mrs Hughes will be too."
Mary moved to one side as Carson opened the door for her, the cool air from the hallway rushing in as the door swung open. "And I am grateful for you. For all that you have done. You showed me what I still had left to live for. A ring is nothing in comparison to that."
A chill touched him when he thought about how things could have been so much different if she hadn't been saved. The darkness that had shrouded the house would have been compounded and magnified by the extra loss. Thankfully, things had been different, and in doing so he had found Mrs Hughes for what she was. Serendipity at its finest. "Sleep well, M'Lady," Carson said through a smile as she moved into the threshold.
Mary gave his arm a gentle squeeze in passing as she moved out into the corridor. "I think with all of this wine I most certainly shall. I am quite looking forward to seeing whether his Lordship makes it out of bed before noon tomorrow." Then she took her leave and moved towards the stairs, giving him one final smile before she began her ascent. What she saw was a look of relief on his face. It might have been the relief of having a ring in his possession, or relief at her being so much better. She would never know, but she was happy to see him happy and she knew that it was most certainly the same in return.
As the rain fell heavy in the night, Carson could hear the faint pitter-patter as it hit the ground and Abbey in quick succession. Although they were at the bottom of the building, it never failed to amaze him at how the sound travelled, the noise soothing to his ears. As it was quiet downstairs, a lot of the staff having gone up for the evening, it was the dominant noise of the night. Now and then though he would hear a voice of one of the remaining few as it echoed down the hall in dribs and drabs. The noise of people, and the rain, appeased him as it all felt so familiar. It had been a good evening for all of them, and he could tell from the echoed voices that it had transcended downstairs like it often did.
The ticking of the clock made him raise his eyes so he could check the time, the constant and methodical noise reminding him that it likely wouldn't be long until Mrs Hughes popped in for the evening. The task that he was going to undertake made his stomach clench, and he could suddenly feel the box that contained the ring as it burned into his side. It was as if his body had honed in on it, highlighting the importance of it and making him conscious of its whereabouts. It was the final piece to allow him to ask the question. The question. That thought made him swallow hard, and he let out a large puff of air as he slid his hand to feel the box with his hand. Their relationship was going to solidify and everything was going to be official.
Envisioning how the proposal would pan out, he suddenly felt that he needed to prepare something to say to her. It wasn't necessary, but he knew it might calm him if he had some order to what he was going to say or to have something tangible that he could hold in his hand. It could be like a speech or just a declaration of love that signified how he felt. Thinking about what he could and should say, he felt his heart begin to drum quickly in his ears as he went through words and images of her in his mind. There were so many words that he could say, so many things that he felt about her, and at the same time, there were so many things that couldn't be put into words.
Panic.
Carson tried to formulate something in his mind, but as soon as it made progress he would think of something else. A torrent of words, phrases and feelings were merging in his brain and preventing him from thinking about what to say to her. There was just so much, and that in itself was why she was so perfect. If he had struggled to come up with anything that would have left him dry, but the issue of having so much had the opposite effect. Carson felt overwhelmed. Years of moments, times he had watched her, heard her, loved her.
There was a stack of paper on his desk that he eyed up, and he reached out to take a few pages. To his side was his trusty pen, and he took it between his fingers and stared at the beige sheets ahead of him. Would it be a mammoth task if he put his ideas on paper? Allowed himself to formulate and get the key things onto a page? It might calm him, let him see the wood from the trees so he could create something. As soon as he pressed the pen to the page, they came in thick and fast. Everything true, everything poignant and feeling evoking. One woman had created a multitude of emotions. Carson felt lucky and so in awe of her. A vision of beauty, of strength and kindness. The luckiest man in all of the world.
Does anyone ever write and find that they listen to certain songs that drive their muse? Have you ever assigned a song to a person or pairing because of how perfect the lyrics are? I am intrigued to know what songs you have in mind for Chelsie!