Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.

"Maybe I'll become a beautiful monster.

A heartless creature.

A Goddess of pain.

Maybe then the emptiness

of this bullet hole

they left in my chest

will finally make some sense."

-Veronika Jensen

Rey

I thought I knew what fear was. Tasted its sharp edges when I faced off against Ren that snowy night on Starkiller Base.

But that had only been a taste.

I thought I drank deeply from its cup when Snoke had me in his grips and tore through my mind in an effort to break my will.

To use my pain to torture Ren into compliance.

I had been helpless to resist him. My meager knowledge of the Force nothing more than a raindrop in the face of a hurricane.

Again and again I have faced fear. Fear of pain, fear of dying.

Fear of being abandoned and forgotten.

I thought I knew everything fear had to offer and mastered all of its faces.

But as I look up at this thirty-foot swell about to drop down on me I realize that I know nothing.

This is fear.

Mind-numbing, heart-stopping fear. My breath freezing in my lungs, my fingers clenched around the controls as I stare at my impending death.

This is the rage of nature and I can't talk or fight my way out of it.

The sea itself has become my enemy and she wants blood.

My blood.

Move Rey! You have better things to do than die today!

Spray in my face, salt crusting my hair and stinging the cuts on my hands as I shift into action.

I have learned that fear can either paralyze you until you have no choice but to die or motivate you to cling to life by whatever means necessary.

I choose to live.

I cannot outrun this wave. So I am left only one alternative.

Climb.

I grab the controls and lock them into place as I race for the riggers and turn the flaps to gain as much speed in an impossible amount of time.

It feels like each second is an hour when I begin to climb but I know it's fear whispering in the back of my mind that I cannot do this.

That I will die and my bones will haunt these ruins.

Not today. Not in this life.

I grit my teeth and run for the pilots seat. I'm climbing higher as the skiff rises against the wave, howling wind tearing at my skin and clothes.

Once more I clutch the controls and I have to time this just right. The pressure from the climb makes my lungs ache, my body fighting to stay upright and I can't look back, I can only look ahead.

Steady Rey...steady!

I'm nearly there when I feel the wave begin to buckle, about to descend in murderous fury as the heavens open up, rain falls in blinding sheets.

"Now!"

I slam the gear and emergency acceleration kicks in with a roar. If I had not grounded my footing in the Force I would have been thrown over the side.

Even with the Force it's all I can do to keep my grip.

"Go! Go!"

Twenty-five feet...twenty-seven feet...

You're not going to make it.

"No!"

I scream my rage into the storm and punch the acceleration until I hear the engines whine from overuse and then...

I'm flying.

I tilt my head up and for a few, breathless seconds I'm free of everything and everyone.

I slam back into the ocean and open my eyes and snarl my defiance as I go into free fall. I just crested the wave and now I had to survive the plummet.

I shut down emergency acceleration but I'm still picking up speed, I have to adjust my velocity and angle or I'm going to crash head fist into another wave coming up to greet me.

But this skiff is lighter than anything I've piloted and she turns with each adjustment and I'm down and skimming across the surface.

"I...I'm alive..."

I whisper the words but there is no time for celebration. I'm miles from my destination and I have to correct my course otherwise I'm not going to make it.

I have one chance to make the causeway and get the wayfinder.

"Alright you mean bitch," I angle the nose of the skiff and sight my path, another wave already building, "come at me. I'm ready."

I can do this. I am a Jedi.

Nothing is impossible.

Nothing can stop me.

The skiff is holding up as I push her beyond Jannah's original purpose. I can see the causeway. The whisper in my mind is growing louder and I follow the pull, using it the way I would a homing beacon.

"I'm coming. Just a little longer. I'm coming."

There is another presence in the back of my mind.

It's been there for a while and growing stronger.

Something familiar. A tremble in my soul but I refuse to acknowledge it.

My concentration is getting to the Death Star and the wayfinder.

Everything else is inconsequential and I push my thoughts away that secondary presence.

"Whoa!"

I bank hard as rocks explode to the surface from breaking waves and I have no more time to think about anything but survival.

Left. Right. Right again, a narrow section and then left. Bank a hard right to readjust my trajectory.

"Damn!"

My breath catches as I close upon the gap in the crumbling structure. No more than two meters high and five meters across.

This was going to be tight and I instinctively duck my head when I let the current sweep me through the crack.

I hear the sound of screaming metal, sparks lighting up the gloom as the wings graze the walls.

I punch the acceleration before I can get stuck and pray that I don't hit any more rocks.

I shoot through the causeway like a newly pried cork and come to a halt. I let out the breath I've been holding this entire time.

I'm inside the wreck of the Death Star.

The pounding rain and howling wind are muted inside these walls and I feel the eyes of the dead on me.

I shiver as silence wraps around me, heavy with trepidation. I set the clamps so the skiff doesn't get dragged back to sea. I'll need it for the return trip.

"Okay," my breath a white cloud and my teeth chatter when water from my hair seeps beneath my collar, "let's get this over with."

I look up at the massive structure as I tuck grappling hooks and rope to my waist along with my saber.

Water drips down in a steady stream from cracks and I have to remind myself this isn't Jakku.

Despite the chill from being soaked I forgo keeping the waterproof cloak. It will only slow me down and I need every minute I can spare.

My muscles feel stiff, my joints aching from that treacherous crossing I just managed to survive.

I was used to climbing on Jakku when I scavenged but nothing I scaled compared to this behemoth.

I was already tired and exhausted, the wound on my side just barely healed and I haven't even started my hunt.

I swear I can hear the dead laughing at me for the impossible task I've set myself against.

"Stop it, none of that matters. Focus on the wayfinder. You can do this."

My voice barely carries and despite the soaring heights I felt confined.

Suffocating.

The ghosts were alive in this place and all I wanted was to get back in the skiff and leave. It wasn't like this on Jakku when I hunted the Graveyard.

The broken ships there were just that, broken pieces of equipment.

Not this overwhelming presence of death and despair.

"I'm losing my mind. It's just a crumbling wreck. Get it together Rey, you can't fall apart now."

Despite my unease I unhook the grapple and swing it until I have enough momentum and then let it loose.

It grabs the pillar across from me and I tug it hard to make sure it can sustain me. It holds and I swing from skiff to pillar.

The metal is abrasive, catching my clothing but I find my footing and begin climbing. I remember what the wayfinder looks like from Skywalker's journal and my memories from when I was caught in that vision of Ren on Mustafar.

I remember the moon drenched in blood, charred bodies littering the ground beneath skeletal trees.

The only scents here are rot and decay. No blood.

"At least I don't have to kill anyone."

A small blessing but one I gladly accept.

I take a breath and leap across a hundred foot drop that would shatter my bones if I miss. Between my years of scavenging and my training in the Force I don't miss.

My foot slides down several inches before I get another hold, the soles of my boots worn down smooth.

I grit my teeth and breathe, hanging suspended as the beat of my heart seems to echo another pulse in this place.

I close my eyes and listen.

The whisper is louder now.

Here...come here...

Ahead of me and to the left. I'm going to have to make another jump to get across this crumbling wreck.

This wasn't going to be easy but then I knew that from the start.

"Alright. I'm coming."

Sweat stinging my eyes as I reach one of the abandoned corridors with half an inch of stagnant water coating the ground.

I have to rest. My muscles are burning from exertion.

Here...to me...here...

"I know, I know." I bang my head lightly against the wall but the calling doesn't cease. I wonder if this how Ren felt when chasing down Vader's wayfinder.

If he felt the way I do now I understand why he couldn't stop until he had it.

I feel like I'm going out of my mind, something inside of me taking over and only getting the wayfinder will stop this torment.

My limbs are shaking as I drink the last dregs out of my canteen. It's empty and I drop it, the slow moving water pulling it away with the rest of the refuse.

No point in carrying it any longer, not like I can refill it. All the water here is rancid.

I move on.

My climb becomes steeper. I must be close to the pinnacle. I'm stepping over littered remains of charred armor, empty blasters. A gust of wind blows through and I stumble back when a helmet snaps open revealing yellow, skeletal remains.

The empty sockets seem to glare at me as if I'm somehow responsible for what happened to them.

"I didn't kill you."

Palpatine...Palpatine...

I shut my eyes and shudder. Is it the ghosts of the forgotten dead or the wayfinder speaking that wretched name?

The Emperor is responsible for all of this. The Rebels from forty years ago are responsible.

I won't feel guilty for something that took place long before I was born.

I keep my eyes fixed ahead and refuse to look at the corpses scattered around me.

The air is less cloying the higher I climb. My foot slips on algae growing everywhere and I just barely catch myself, grabbing a protruding bar before I fall face first into the deck.

A flash of pain and blood dribbles down my wrist, mixing with the muddy water.

Stupid. You need to be more careful.

I let go of the bar once I regain my balance and pause long enough to look at the damage. A slightly ragged cut across the palm of my hand.

Anger sparking in my blood as I stare at the blood welling up. Great just what I need, another wound.

Something else to slow me down.

I hold my hand over my palm intending to heal the cut. I'm a Jedi and I know how to heal.

I reach for the Force and gasp when I feel nothing but darkness.

My hand is still dripping blood.

"I...I don't understand. Why can't I heal myself?"

I've done this before. On the mountain of Emphameira when I saved Ben from falling to his death.

With the creature beneath the sands of Pasaana.

Anger fanning the embers in my blood I reach again to heal only to be blocked.

The Force is not listening to my command.

Why isn't it listening? I am its master and it should obey me.

Blood continues to mingle with the water at my feet.

I snarl and tear off a piece of my tunic and wrap it around the wound, a makeshift bandage to clot the blood.

"Fine. That'll have to do, I don't have time for this!"

I go back to climbing. I don't wonder why I can't heal myself. It's nothing.

A flicker, a feathered touch across my senses and my vision doubles.

My concentration splits and I feel as though I'm in two places as once.

My foot slips again and I slam my palm into the wall to stop my fall. I gasp as a sharp, bite of pain travels up my wrist.

My distorted vision clears and I gulp, taking in a fortifying breath. I pull my hand away to see blood soaking the makeshift bandage.

I don't know what that was all about and even less time to figure it out.

Only the wayfinder matters.

I continue to climb.

I feel as though I've been climbing for hours and my lungs burn as I stumble out of another corridor and into the crumbling remains of what looks like a throne room.

The air is thin up here, my chest tight and the call a relentless tide that gives me no rest, no release.

I look at what must have been a viewing window like the one Snoke had on his ship but on a larger scale and see the charred remains of a single chair.

I swallow hard shivering at the sight.

I don't know why but my stomach is cramping, my skin crawling in this place. Something horrible happened here, I can feel the echo of memories trying to drown me.

Here..come...

It's here. The wayfinder. Somewhere in these ruins is the key to Exegol.

Of getting my revenge on the emperor.

I begin shoving debris out of my way.

No matter where I search, I can't find the wayfinder. All I hear is that damn murmuring inside my skull. A painful buzzing making me want to tear my skin off and dig it out.

"Where are you! Show yourself!"

The small, glowing pyramid is nowhere to be found.

A red haze over my vision, a sense of being thwarted tips my frustration into furious rage.

"Damn you! Answer me!"

The sound of rocks scraping over metal catches my attention and I twist, blaster in hand.

I watch uncomprehending as what I thought nothing more than a pile of rubble opens up into the shape of a door.

A cold chill sweeps over me, my breath fogging the air despite the damp humidity permeating the room.

The whisper becomes a scream and I'm already moving towards the opening.

The wayfinder is in there.

Something brushes my arm and I recoil, shooting blindly.

Rotting cables fall to the floor.

The door snaps shut behind me and I am plunged into darkness.

Not total darkness. There is faint emission of light, crimson and far away. I wait for my eyes to adjust.

For my heart to get out of my throat and back into my chest where it belongs.

The chill in this room, it seeps into my bones, making them ache. Ice fills my lungs and I wonder if this isn't some kind of tomb.

Here...come here...

I can't wait any longer and I stumble towards the incessant voice that hasn't left me alone since I arrived on this world.

Cables try to trip me up, I snag my shoulder on a disjointed conduit but I keep going. The ground feels uneven and I lose my footing twice in my haste.

I no longer see the crimson light. Now there is only a green, pulsating light that matches my heartbeat and the voice is no longer screaming but a quiet murmur and I know what I'm looking at.

Relief makes my limbs tremble and finally I have my prize.

I'm one step closer to my revenge.

The wayfinder hangs suspended, somehow surviving the decay the rest of this place has fallen into.

I stare at the small pyramid that is an exact mirror of the one Ren found on Mustafar.

I have found the emperors wayfinder.

I reach for it just as my instincts scream at me this is a trap. The wayfinder is in perfect condition, untouched by the ravages of time.

Something is wrong with this room. Terribly wrong and I need to leave now.

My lust for the object, to finally make the emperor pay for what he did to me, overrides my common sense and I grab it.

Silence in my head as the structure collapses, rotting and broken.

The light of the wayfinder goes dark and dormant.

A spark of crimson light flaring like a dying star in the gloom accompanied by sinister laughter.

My anger that had driven me to this point vanishes as fear wraps icy fingers around my throat, chocking me until I cannot breath.

I cannot think.

The crimson light is a duel lightsaber and the person gripping it...is me.

"Hello Rey. I knew you would come. I've been calling for you."