POV: Jordan

I laid in a marble bathtub filled with fake sparkling diamonds that hit the light just right. I twirled around a studded necklace through my fingers, feeling its intricate design and stature. My eyes turned towards the camera and I smirked, biting the necklace, covering it in red lipstick. "Look what you made me do." I sang.

I was sitting on a throne made of gold and lined with soft red linen. Snakes trailed up the dark staircase, holding plates with cups and tea pots. Light from above shone down on me, illuminating my crimson sleek dress. I took one of the tea cups and held it out with a deadest face. "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. Honey I rose up from the dead I do it all the time. I've got a list of names and yours is in red underlined. I check it once, then I check it twice."

I stood next to a tree with a ripped up wedding dress, tornados approaching behind as the wind blew past my fur. I was leaning against it, my eyes tilted towards the camera and a smirk across my face. I flexed my fingers in the air, admiring the diamond studded bracelet and golden rings. "I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams." I began walking towards the camera with violins screaming in the back. "I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams."

The video ended in big bold letters saying "Jordan Anderson For Student Council President."

I sighed and closed my laptop, wondering what I was even doing in the first place. The whole point of the video was to gain views and to expose myself as this crazy cat chick that doesn't care about what other animals thought of her. When in reality, I cared so much. It was humiliating to see myself like that, to see me in a slutty dress, twirling around fancy diamond rings and necklaces, pretending I was rich.

I laid back in my chair, breathing in the dusty air of the empty audio visual room, wondering what Alex would've thought if he saw the video I put together. I hated the thought of him seeing me in that ugly, slutty red dress that didn't even cover my figure. It was sure to be flagged for inappropriate behavior, but I needed to show the school that I was willing to do anything, even if it meant making a music video that blatantly tried to expose Brittney. If she was going to be ruthless and cruel, I had to do the same, just in a different way. I had to pretend to be this snow leopard who didn't give two shits about what other animals thought about her.

It wasn't completely false though, I was only scared a little bit about what everyone thought about it. But still, exposing myself like that just felt weird, and I thought about deleting the whole video which took me two days to film and edit. I decided against it and sent it off to Mrs. Baker to present...to the whole school .

The time on my phone told me it was time to leave and I got up, locking the audio visual door behind me. I thought about recruiting new members to join on my way back to the dorm. Everyone else had quit when Brittney shut it down cause they were scared of her. I didn't blame them, I was scared of her too.

I was walking back to my dorm when I had this crazy idea. What if I asked Nathan from Alex's dorm to join the audio visual club? He was kind of a nerdy hyena, so it seemed right up his alley, and I've never really talked to him. Maybe it was a good way for me to make some other friends, plus it didn't hurt to have a hyena on my side.

I knocked on their dorm room door, expecting Steven to answer...but I got Dalton instead. "Hey," I said as he opened the door.

"Hey," he said. He looked depressed, but not like Alex. There were visible scars on his cheek and arms, red lines and bruises.

"Are you ok?" I asked, not really wanting an answer.

He looked at his toned body, his muscles poking out of his thin white shirt. "Yeah, just some trouble with a couple of students. Anyway, how's Alex doing?"

"Why do you care?"

He shrugged. "The dorm room isn't the same without him...just tell him I said hi."

"Right, like he would be happy to see you." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, where's Nathan? I need to talk to him."

"Nathan? What do you want from him?"

"Why does it matter to you?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Right...doesn't matter." He turned behind him and yelled for Nathan who rolled off of his bed and walked to the door.

"Hey Jordan!" he said with a chipper tone. I never actually got to really look at him. Comparing him to Alex was like comparing a polar bear to a squirrel. He was lanky, not very muscular by most carnivore standards, and he had this little tear in his right ear. His fur was a light brown, much like Steven's, but spotted with black dots and although he tried, his face was very emotionless.

"Hey Nathan, listen, I need to ask you a question." His ears perked up and a smile came across his face. "I need new members for the audio visual club...and I was wondering if you would be interested?"

"Sure, why not? Sounds fun, although I am pretty busy with school most of the time."

"Oh, that's ok! It's really...just us in there, you can come around whenever you want."

"Ok, I'll be there tomorrow around...five? Does that work?"

"That's perfect," I said with a smile, doing a little fist pump in my head.

Nathan giggled. "I've never actually been in a club before, like an extracurricular club. I'm mostly in the math, science and history clubs. But you can only listen to teachers lecture for so long before your brain just shuts off." I laughed and nodded in agreement. "Ok," he sighed and looked back into the dorm. "I've got some homework to finish up, so I'll see you at five tomorrow, oh! Here's my phone number." I typed in the number in my phone and smiled.

"Ok, well I'll cya tomorrow Nathan, thanks for...joining?" I said with an amused smile. "I don't really know how all this stuff works, still trying to figure it out, you're the first new member."

"Thanks for thinking of me, I hope it wasn't because I'm the only techy person you know."

"It's totally not that," I said with a hint of sarcasm. I waved goodbye and walked out of the carnivore dorm room, then stopped in the middle of the dorm. My heart was beating a little bit faster, and a smile itched at my face, and I started to laugh. I covered my mouth while giggling, bubbling with excitement as I left the building.

I caught my breath when I walked outside "Wow that was weird," I whispered to myself. "Ok, we need to see a therapist." I put my hand over my heart to feel it beating, was it faster, or slower? Whatever, I needed to go back to my dorm, the sun was beginning to set and I didn't want to get in trouble for being out late.

I threw my laptop onto my bed and sighed loudly, wanting someone to ask what was wrong. Luckily, Carly obliged. "What's wrong Jordan?" she said, looking up from her notebook.

"I miss Alex, I shouldn't have been so angry towards him," I said.

Stephanie's ears perked up. "You miss him? Didn't you say you hated him?"

"Yeah, but that was past Jordan, present Jordan is missing him."

Emma came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. She pointed her toothbrush at me. "You, Jordan Anderson, are the weirdest snow leopard I have ever met. Please don't tell me you're going to visit him. We all remember what happened when you did that last time."

"I know!" I whined. "But he just-I just miss him! We were friends you know? I can't help but feel responsible for ruining everything. I tore down the posters, I threw my phone off the balcony. It's all my fault. I need to make it up to him somehow."

"Didn't you say he looked like death?" Carly said.

I fell onto my bed, spreading my arms out and looking at the ceiling. "You guys wouldn't get it, I mean, we're best friends. I have to be there for him, he needs me!"

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "He has other friends you know?"

"Name one who went to go see him," I said. Carly and Stephanie exchanged glances. "What?" I said acknowledging their distance behaviors.

Carly spoke up. "Well, a couple days ago, a German shepherd was missing from his dorm...for a while."

"But he's back now!" Stephanie said quickly.

"You mean Steven? Him and Alex are best friends," I said.

"Apparently, he stayed the night at the hospital," Carly said, putting on her pj's.

"HE WHAT?!" I screamed.

"See?" Emma said. "Told you she would react like that. Why can't you two just keep your mouths shut!"

I began packing a bag, running around the dorm room and stuffing whatever I could find in it. "What are you doing?" Stephanie said.

"I'm going to see Alex at the hospital, and I don't care if I have to spend the night!"

Everybody went silent and looked at each other. Emma was the one to speak up. "Um...Jordan? Usually if a girl...and a guy are in a room together...sometimes animals think...you know."

"I know what you mean! But it's not like that!" I said, my hand hesitating over the door knob. "We're...just friends."

Just friends.

I turned the door knob and rushed out of the dorm room and outside, shielding my eyes from the sunset. I needed to leave campus without being spotted or else I would be in huge trouble. My only option was to just run off campus, hopefully security wouldn't spot my face, although I didn't have the best camouflage for the colors of fall. I didn't really blend in with the multitudes of browns and oranges, but I had to do whatever I could to reach Alex. So I ran off campus with a backpack stuffed with overnight clothes.

️ ️ ️

I reached the hospital just as night began its death march onto the sky. I was safe from the security here, or at least I hoped. Nobody would call the school unless the school put out a missing animal report. But I didn't think they would do that, my roommates were good liars, I had nothing to worry about as I walked through the hospital doors and into the bright lights.

It was just as I remembered it being, white hallways, light blue streaks across the walls, coughing patients in rooms and bustling nurses. I always hated hospitals. Ever since I had to watch Dad die in one, I hated the smell, the sounds, the lights, everything was just a blast to the past.

Reaching Alex's door brought back memories of seeing him in the bathroom, us on the rooftop, and him saying he loved me. I knew he didn't love me, so it was stupid to even have a little bit of hope left in my chest. I pushed open the door, taking a deep breath from the familiar scent of him that flooded the room. It wasn't that late outside, so I hoped he wasn't asleep since the room was quiet, only the sound of the buzzing tv being heard.

I turned my head to the right from the bright bathroom lights. Alex was standing without his shirt on, just looking at himself in the mirror. I froze in place, I had never seen him without a shirt on and immediately felt embarrassed from staring at him. But what was he doing? I was intrigued and freaking out at the same time.

He had so much white fur on his chest that seemed to go lower, and he was feeling the ends of tufts of fur. He told me he didn't work out, but you'd think that was a complete lie from how profound the muscles in his chest and arms were.

I took a deep breath in and he turned his head, his eyes going wide and shutting the door as fast as he could. "Jordan!? What are you doing here!?" I dropped my bag from the sound of the door slamming and stifled a giggle. The emotions were back, but they were different this time. I didn't feel pain, I didn't feel horrible, I didn't the same feeling of love that I used to feel.

I began laughing out loud, hearing his groans from the door and sitting on his bed. "Who are you trying to impress!" I said through fits of laughter.

"No one! Why are you here!?"

"I just wanted to see you...and say sorry for the last time we met."

The door opened with Alex tugging at the ends of a loose red shirt. "Sorry? For what?"

I shifted on the bed. "You know…"

"Oh," he said with raised eyebrows. "Don't worry about it."

I stood up, seething with anger that I didn't even know existed anymore. "Don't worry about it!? I told you I loved you, and what did you do?! Say you loved me back! What is wrong with you?!"

"I-I don't see the problem here," he said, confusion flushing over his face.

"You don't see the problem?! The problem is that you don't love me, you just said that to make me feel better!"

"What? Of course I love you!"

"Stop saying that, I know you don't!"

He sighed and sat down. "Jordan, seriously? What kind of animal do you take me for?"

"One that's selfish and inconsiderate! One that doesn't think about other animals' feelings!" He stood up quickly and pulled me into a hug. "Let go of me!" I yelled, but I didn't really try to resist. Again, I was encompassed in his warmth which calmed my rapid heart, burning away the anger. I didn't want to cry like I usually did, I just wanted him to hold me for a little bit longer.

I knew in every inch of my body that he didn't love me the way I wanted him to, but at least for a little while, I got to feel what it was like to be loved by someone else.

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm just a mess."

He let go of me and smiled. "That's ok, we're all a little bit messed up." He pointed to himself and chuckled. "Some more than others."

"no...I-I shouldn't have said the things I did. It wasn't right, I didn't think about your feelings...I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore."

"What are you talking about? You told me how you felt, yeah I may not feel the same way, but you did it. You took initiative, you showed that you could do it. And for what it's worth, I think that's the best quality someone could have." He smiled and his tail wagged. I wondered what he was thinking at that exact moment, what were his true thoughts?

I sighed and looked at my overnight bag, wondering what even was the point of coming here.

Why couldn't we have just ended it with a kiss?

I smiled and looked into his grey eyes. "You do love me, and I love you. A relationship will never be in our future, but friendship? Well, I hope that lasts forever. I can't imagine this world without you in it. I can't imagine my life without you." I couldn't stop smiling and I could feel tears surface to my face. I tried my best to hold them back, but dammit, I was tired of doing that! He needed to see that I was serious. These emotions of love would never leave my body, but I at least needed to accept that he didn't love me romantically. But it was so hard to forget.

"Jordan, don't cry. Come on, we've done enough of that already," he said.

"Sorry," I said wiping my face and laughing. "I just can't help it, they won't stop."

He turned around and picked up my backpack. "I see you planned on spending the night...you know that's usually not something animals do. A guy...and a girl…in the same room."

I playfully punched his shoulder. "Well you don't like me romantically, so what's the big deal?"

"I don't find anything wrong with it, but some animals don't see it that way."

"Did you already tell your parents you don't like me like that?"

"...yeah."

"Then there should be no problem with it, besides I'm emotionally drained from everything," I said, flopping on the leather couch and laying my head back. "Wow they really don't want you to feel comfortable here, do they?"

"You should try sleeping on my bed, that thing is the worst."

He took out his phone and started typing on the screen. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Telling my parents not to freak out and that you're spending the night. They already know that nothing is going to happen between us, so I wouldn't worry about it. Now, I don't know anything about your parents, so I hope your mom doesn't kill me."

I waved him off, thinking of how Mom would kill him. "Don't worry about it."

"Well...goodnight," he said, getting into his bed and shutting off the lights, throwing me a blanket.

"Goodnight," I replied.

️ ️ ️

It was in the middle of the night and I had to pee, so I got up and walked over the bathroom, hoping the sleep would stay in my eyes. But when I got to the door, I froze.

Red ran on the floor, trickling through the grout on the tile and pooling in puddles. My heart started to beat faster and my mind raced through scenarios in my head, until I reached the only logical conclusion.

I looked up from the floor, panting heavily with hands trembling, tears and screams threatening their way out. Alex was on the floor, just like he had been when I found him at school. Blood seeping out of the wounds on his arm, a lifeless corpse on the floor.

"No," I whispered, inching closer and falling to my knees. "No," I said again, covering my mouth, but it was no use. I screamed so loud that it felt like my ear drums were going to burst. I cried so loud, so heavily, that each time I heaved I wanted to throw up. I never wanted to see him like this again. I could've stopped him! If only I knew he was going to do it again.

Someone grabbed my shaking hands, but I couldn't turn around to see who it was, I just only saw Alex dead.

"Jordan!" someone yelled, the voice was familiar, low in tone and scared. "Jordan!" It said again, becoming clearer and clearer.

I turned around slowly to see Alex staring right back at me with a terrified expression. "Oh my God," I whispered through tears. "Oh my God." I hid my face with my trembling hands that wouldn't stop.

He grabbed both of my hands and pulled them away from my face. "Jordan! Can you hear me!?"

I nodded my head, still sobbing from seeing whatever it was that I saw on the bathroom floor.

He pulled me into a hug and I cried louder, holding on tightly to his soft clothes. What was happening to me?! What did I see on the floor?!

"Y-you were on the fl-floor and I-" I said in between sobs, but he shushed me and held me tighter. The only thing I could do was cry on him, just like I had done so long ago.

"I'm right here," he said in a calm voice. "I'm not dead, I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you saw, it's not real."

Not real?

I could've sworn that whatever I saw was realistic, like I was replaying the whole encounter again. It haunted me, every time I looked into a bathroom, I saw him. But not like this, not this bad, it was never this bad.

There was so much pain in my heart, pain that I thought was gone forever. But at least knowing he was with me eased it a little bit, but it wasn't enough.

I grabbed him tighter. "I-I love you! I-I'm s-so sorry!" I cried more, unable to contain the emotions inside of myself. I couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop the pain. I just wanted it all to end, wishing I was the one dead on the floor. Wishing nobody had found me.

"I'm right here, you're safe."

I felt myself beginning to calm down. The shakiness in my hands never left though, even when Mom was called and picked me up from the hospital. Even when Alex gave me one last hug goodbye, they never stopped shaking. My head hurt from the pain, and my heart was beating so fast I felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. My eyes were sandy from the constant tears that flooded them, and it felt like the whole world was drifting away.

I sat in a hospital chair while Mom talked to a doctor about me. I heard them say something about PTSD, but I wasn't sure. I just wanted to go home, I didn't want to go back to school. I wanted to lay in my bed and forget everything that happened. Whatever happened, I never wanted to experience it again.

Mom grabbed my hand and we left the hospital. It took two hours for us to finally get home, but when we did, I immediately crashed onto my bed, hoping sleep would bring me some respite. But instead, all I was greeted with were nightmares of Alex in the bathroom.

Mom would come into my room and tell me everything was ok, that whatever I was seeing isn't real. But it was real, I could feel Alex in my hands, his slow heartbeat, his soft fur. I could hear his breathing and I could touch his chest. It was real, and it was never going to go away.

"What's wrong me with me?" I said to Mom as she came in late at night to calm me down from another nightmare.

She sighed and sat down on my bed, rubbing through the fur on my head. "The doctors think you have PTSD from seeing Alex in the bathroom. But they're not sure."

I buried my face in my pillow. "I should've told someone."

"What do you mean?" Mom said, her eyebrows creasing, but her eyes already knowing the answer.

"At school, I would see Alex in each bathroom, I never said anything because I thought everyone would think I was crazy. Looking back on it...it makes more sense now."

Mom pulled me into a hug. "It's ok, this is something that you can overcome, it's not going to consume your life."