Chapter 45: Bottom of the Ladder.
"What's up with all these events? It's like we have one every other week."
"Hey! Hold the ladder properly, Hikigaya. And don't try to look up my skirt." Ai Hayasaka says while she puts up a banner for the upcoming event. "I don't get why you couldn't climb up this ladder and do this simple task. Are you afraid of heights?"
"I'm not afraid of height. But I'm having some suicidal thoughts at the moment." Hachiman said from below. "If I climbed up this ladder and tried to fix that stupid banner, I might really consider pretending to lose my balance and fall to my death."
Ai Hayasaka snorted. "A fall from up here wouldn't kill you, Hikigaya."
"How do you know? Are you studying to be a doctor?" Hachiman asked. "From what I heard you were studying about computers, you know, how to take them apart and put them back together, and eventually make them so smart that they would take over the world and exterminate all human beings altogether."
"Someone's been watching the Terminator lately." Rio Futaba said as she dropped a box full of decorative items to the ground next to the ladder.
"Futaba? What are you doing here?" Hachiman was surprised. "Don't tell me, Hiratsuka-sensei managed to blackmail you into helping us decorate the auditorium for the next event. I would understand how she could get to Hayasaka, but you, I can't think of a reason. It makes one wonder, though. What does she have on you?"
Rio Futaba looked at him like he was an idiot. "It's your fault. You introduced us back when you were helping me with my problem. Or did you forget all about it?"
Hachiman thought about it for a second before snapping his fingers in realization. "Oh right? Your breast complex!"
"What!?" Ai Hayasaka almost lost her balance.
Rio Futaba smacked him on the shoulder. "Don't you know anything about doctor-patient confidentiality?"
"What do you mean? I'm not a doctor." Hachiman said like an idiot.
"Oh so you are into role play." Tomoko Kuroki made an assumption. "As expected from a kinky rotten bastard like you, Hikigaya."
"Kuroki, what are you doing here?" Hachiman looked at her, doubtfully. "I took this job on my own, not as a member of the service club."
"Why though?" Ai Hayasaka asked. "I mean, I understand how, Hiratsuka got to me."
"Through Shinomiya no doubt." Hachiman said.
Hayasaka gave a small nod. Then, "Don't tell Yumiko about it. She already thinks badly of Kaguya-sama, with the way how she treats me, sometimes. You know what happened in the offices of the associate student body the last time you two stormed the place."
"We didn't storm the place." Hachiman argued. "We just walked in rather passionately."
"More like you two power walked into the room, strutting in like you owned the place." Ai Hayasaka told the other two women who seemed to be interested in the story. "After you guys left, Kaguya-sama threw a bit of a hissy fit, saying she couldn't let me live with such a lunatic roommate. Little does she knew, Yumiko is the only normal one out of my other roommates."
"Yeah, I know the feeling." Hachiman said. "I'm the normal one in my group too."
"Me too." Tomoko Kuroki said.
Needless to say no one believed the two of them, even if they didn't know who were their roommates. There was something about Hachiman Hikigaya and Tomoko Kuroki which screamed weird and abnormal. Of course, there was no actual scream. It was more of a silent hiss of a gas leak.
"Hachiman Hikigaya. I didn't expect you to be here." Seishiro Tsugumi said. Then she blushed out of embarrassment and pulled out a live firearm. "Also what are you doing at the bottom of the ladder?"
"I belong here." Hachiman said.
Rio Futaba snorted, Tomoko Kuroki giggled, and Ai Hayasaka gave a dry chuckle. What a typical Hachiman response.
Tsugumi shoved the pistol into his cheekbone. "Don't brush me off with your cool retorts, Hachiman Hikigaya. I meant, what are you doing here down below looking up the skirt of this innocent woman."
Ai Hayasaka blushed and tried to kick him in the head. However, she missed and almost lost her balance.
"Hey! What are you doing, Hayasaka? You almost kicked my head in." Hachiman said alarmed. He grabbed hold of her leg and tried to straighten them, to once more balance them on the steps of the ladder. "And Tsugumi, stop creating problems where there aren't any. This is not the so called fake romance thing taking place between Raku Ichijou and Chitoge Kirisaki."
"Wait, Ichijou and Kirisaki are not in a relationship. Shit!" Saki Kawasaki cursed. "No wonder there loud, moronic love proclamations got on my nerves."
Hachiman Hikigaya looked at the blue haired woman. She was so pretty. Words failed to come to his aid and he was really embarrassed about what happened early on. However he needed to say something, anything. But all he could manage was.
"Kawasaki." Pause. "Hey."
Ai Hayasaka looked down at him and took note of his blushing face. Rio Futaba turned to his side and made an observation about the way his mouth remained creepily half-open. Meanwhile, Tomoko Kuroki focused her attention on the woman. She was beautiful, about average height with a slender build, having long pale blue hair which reached down to her waist and short choppy bangs at the front. Her eyes were pigeon blue and what's this, she even had a beauty spot underneath her right eye. She's at least an eight, Tomoko Kuroki rated her in her mind.
But there was one woman who failed to do any of those things.
"Who the hell are you?" Seishiro Tsugumi asked.
Saki Kawasaki looked at her and frowned. "I'm Saki Kawasaki. Who's asking? And is that a real pistol?"
"Yeah, it is" "No it's not."
Seishiro Tsugumi and Hachiman Hikigaya spoke up together, in unison, trying to discredit the words of the other, for what particular reason, none of them knew exactly. Tomoko Kuroki looked at the women assembled here, below the ladder and she made a decision to ask someone based solely on their outer resemblance. "What's happening?"
"I don't really know." Rio Futaba said. "This is really strange to watch."
Meanwhile, Ai Hayasaka came to a sudden realization. "You are doing this for her."
"What do you mean – Hey stop that!"
Hachiman had wrestled the pistol from Seishiro Tsugumi's grip, the second time he had accomplished such a spectacular feat and within seconds, almost too quick for a normal person to act on an impulse, he started to disassemble the piece with a rather skillful pair of hands.
Rio Futaba wouldn't lie, she was rather impressed. "Where did you learn to do that?"
"Back in first year," Hachiman simply said. "Sousuke Sagara is one hell of an instructor."
"My precious pistol! And this one was my favourite too." Seishiro Tsugumi cried out like she had lost a dear child. "Look what you did to it, Hachiman Hikigaya! I will never forgive you for this."
"Yeah, yeah, that's all well and good, but can't you see, I'm trying to talk to someone." He faked a cough and looked at Saki Kawasaki, trying his best not to think about his rotten dead fish eyes. "So, Kawasaki, what were you saying."
Saki Kawasaki instead pointed to the blonde woman at top the ladder. "I believe your friend here was saying something."
"That's right." Ai Hayasaka smiled and grabbed the opportunity for what it was, a precious and well earned moment to tease, Hachiman Hikigaya. For good measure, she decided to adopt one of her gyaru persona. "I was just saying that you volunteered to do this decorating stuff for the upcoming event because you wanted to impress her." She said while pointing at the blue haired woman.
"Is that true?" Saki Kawasaki looked at him.
"Of course not. You know that's not how it happened, Kawasaki." Hachiman said while sporting an almost apologetic and embarrassed look. Then he looked straight up at Ai Hayasaka and murmured in a barely audible voice, just for her ears only. "White with blue stripes. How cute."
Hayasaka almost fell down from the ladder.
Saki Kawasaki, however, heard the exchange and she gave him a rather judgmental look which he thought he didn't quite deserve. "You know, you should really stop peeking at women's panties. First you looked at mine and now hers. I really didn't want to think you are a creepy perverted bastard, based solely on your looks, but really you are not giving me much to work with. Here!" She thrust a heavy box full of colour outfits for the upcoming event to the outstretched arms of Tomoko Kuroki and left.
"Kawasaki." Pause. "I can explain."
Rio Futaba looked at him rather pathetically. "Don't tell me, you got blackmailed into joining this event by Hiratsuka-sensei because you peeked at a Kawasaki-san's panties."
Hachiman remained silent.
"You really did that." Tomoko Kuroki sounded proud for some reason.
"You are really a pervert, Hikigaya." Ai Hayasaka said, climbing down from the ladder.
Hachiman looked at her disgruntled. "Like I would take the word of a woman who wear kiddy panties. You can learn a thing or two from, Kawasaki. She wears black lace. "
Ai Hayasaka blinked, then blushed and finally she tapped the shoulder of her fellow woman. "Tsugumi-san do you have any large firearms?" She asked without a trace of humour in her voice.
"I have a Remington M870." Tsugumi said, nursing a new found blood lust.
"Wait guys! I was joking. I was doing a bit." Hachiman was doomed, he had no way out, still he gave it one last shot. "I was pretending to be Araragi. Wait, don't aim for my -"
Of course all his excuses were of no use and the woman he had a crush on for sometime now, left with a bad first impression of him. In the end, it can be said that it was a rather typical day for Hachiman Hikigaya on the campus of Neo Tokyo University.
A/N: I decided to include everyone in this chapter. It's just the way the chapter came out and I enjoyed writing it. Hope you guys enjoyed reading it as well. Now here are the options for the next chapter:
Option 1: Eru Chitanda#2
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Option 5: Mai Sakurajima#2
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