Chapter 2: Wanting
The early morning sun shone into the kitchen as Erin hoisted herself onto the counter. She smiled as she was finally able to reach the pot rack that hung overhead.
As she tied the herbs to the rack she was happy. Once they dried she would be able to use them. Homegrown herbs would probably taste much better than the ones from the store.
As she finished stringing up the last one she felt a gentle hand on her waist. "What are you doing up there?" Hatori asked, looking up at her.
She jumped slightly, but he held her steady.
She looked down at him. "I'm hanging up the herbs I grew, so they'll dry and then I can cook with them. Plus they look pretty." She said with a smile.
He looked up at the herbs strung across the pot rack and smiled as well. "They do." He said, as she turned to face him.
"It really brightens the place up. We should look into finishing up the decorations and renovations that need to be done." She said looking around.
Hatori placed his hands on the counter beside her and leaned towards her. "A wedding to plan, and renovations? Maybe we should take one thing at a time." He smirked.
Erin laughed and rolled her eyes. "We've lived here for more than a year now. We need to finish these things. I suppose you're not very handy though…"
Hatori raised a brow at this. "What makes you think that?"
She laughed as she jumped down from the counter. "Hatori, You've probably never had to fix house stuff in your life."
Hatori nodded. "Well you're not wrong. I've never done anything to a house before."
Erin played with the end of his tie. "See, I told you."
He tucked the piece of hair behind her ears. "However, if it's what you want I could figure something out. Maybe bring someone in here to do the work you want done."
She looked up happily. "Really? You'd do that?"
He kissed her forehead. "If it keeps that smile on your face, of course."
Erin's face turned red as she stared at her feet.
Satisfied with her reaction he chuckled slightly, and tousled her hair. "I'll look into it. In the meantime, we need to start planning for the wedding. We still need to figure it all out. You know, where we're having it, who's coming, food, and the rest."
She nodded. "I know, I know, don't worry we will figure it all out." She said, turning to walk off.
She stopped, playing with the hem of her dress as if thinking of something. She looked back at him. "I hope you won't just agree to whatever I say I want. I actually want your opinion."
Hatori's smile fell slightly. "Erin, like I said. Anything you like I'll like. You don't need my input, I'm sure your opinions are perfect."
She sighed. "Yeah, but it's our wedding. Not just mine. So I'm making you pick out some stuff."
"And here I thought women did all the planning for a wedding." Hatori said, running a hand through his hair.
"Well not me. I want you to be a part of it. So, you're out of luck. Although you can't help me with the dress. It's bad luck, plus you need to be surprised." She said.
"Well of course." He said walking up to her. "Speaking of the dress, Ayame keeps calling me asking me when you will come to his shop. He is very amniment on making your dress."
"Oh, that's perfect! I forgot he said he would. Well less work I have to do." She said, interlacing her fingers with his.
"You're sure you want him too? Ayame can be a little… hard to swallow sometimes." He said, running his thumb along her jawline.
Butterflies raced through her at his touch. "O-Of course! He's so excited, I couldn't say no." She said trying to keep her composure. Why did he have this affect on her? She looked into his blue violet eyes.
The way he looked at her… It was so gentle. He was so handsome, absolutely perfect. How could someone like him ever give her anytime of day?
"Okay, well I'll let him know." He said quietly, looking at her face, seemingly taking in every detail. He leaned in close to her. "You're beautiful, you know that?" He whispered softly.
Erin's face turned beet red and her breathing stopped. "I-I-I I think so. I mean y-you seem to think so for some reason."
He laughed slightly at her reactions. It was so easy for him to make her this way. He'd be lying if he said he didn't love it. "I don't think, I know." He said resting his hands on her waist gently, and pulling her close.
Their lips met. Drawn together like they couldn't be apart. Hatori felt Erin's grip tighten on his shirt as the kiss deepened.
He smiled as he kissed her. Being with her made him so unbelievably happy. How he ever got so lucky to have her was a mystery to him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. She was getting completely lost in him and she knew it. Everything about Hatori was so distracting. The way his lips felt against hers, the way his hands felt on her… there was nothing else like it.
She never knew being with someone could be like this. Hatori was so gentle. She wasn't scared to be with him, she knew he wouldn't hurt her.
She trusted him.
He pulled away slightly, and Erin could see his cheeks were a light pink. He sighed. "I'm afraid I do have work to do." He said glancing at the clock.
Erin didn't release her hold on him. "Well... M-maybe you could just do that work...later…" She said quietly. She was trying to sound assertive but failed.
He looked at her surprised. "What would you rather me do instead?" He asked, running a hand through her hair.
"Um… um… well…" She stuttered. "You could..." She stuttered in barely a whisper. She grabbed his shirt tightly. "I want… um… I want…" She tried to say. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't she just say it?
She wanted him… but why couldn't she just say that? How could she let him know?
Hatori watched her bite her lip as she chewed on her words. She seemed nervous, but why? What was she trying to tell him? He leaned down so he could look her in the eye. "What do you want?" He asked gently.
She swallowed hard, trying to ease her nerves but failed. She stared at the floor as her nerves consumed her. She couldn't say it. She didn't know how.
"It's nothing. I'm sorry." She said quietly, releasing her hold on him and walking to their room.
He watched her leave and frowned. What was wrong, and why couldn't he figure it out?
Erin laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. She pulled the blanket up to her face in an attempt to hide.
Her mind raced through hundreds of conflicting thoughts.
She was so stupid.
Like she could just tell Hatori she wanted him. Like it was allowed… Like she would be able to.
She heard Hatori walk in and her eyes widened. She had to snap out of it. Hatori would worry if he saw that she was upset.
"Everything alright?" He asked.
She looked out from the blankets. She smiled. "Yeah, sorry I'm just tired."
He sat down besides her, tying the tie that was draped over his shoulders.
"Are you sure? You can talk to me if you need to." He said looking over her.
She laughed slightly. "Has anyone ever told you you worry too much?" She said, looking up at him.
He smiled and shook his head. "I think you have a few times."
She nodded. "Yeah cause you do. Don't worry about me I'm fine."
He looked over her once more before kissing her forehead. "I'll always worry about you. I love you too much to not worry about you." He said softly.
Erin felt butterflies surge through her as the wanting came back.
She cleared her throat in an attempt to regain her composure, and push it down.
"I love you too." She said quietly, not trusting her voice, less she gave away her feelings.
"Any plans for the day? I'll probably be held up in my office today. I have a few phone calls I have to make, and there is paperwork I have to do." He said solemnly. He didn't like working on his day off.
He had just been so busy lately. It seemed him and Kazu had been swarmed with new patients. Which was a good thing, however if he was busy at work it took time away from Erin.
"I actually have plans with Suki today. She wanted to take me out on a girls day." She said, twirling her long dark hair around her fingers. "I think she wants to spend as much time with me before her big move to New York in a few months."
"Well that's nice." He said relieved. Now he wouldn't need to feel bad about working. "Where are you two going?"
"Shopping." Erin said plainly.
Hatori gave her a questionable look. "But you hate shopping."
She sighed. "I know, I know, but she was so excited. I didn't have the heart to tell her no."
"Well I'm sure you'll have fun regardless." He said, rubbing her back.
Erin looked out the window as the sun rose further into the sky. "Yeah, I hope."
Hatori reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet. He handed her his card. "In case you see something you like."
She raised a brow at him before taking the card. "Fine, but I'll probably just use it to buy food." She laughed.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Erin what do you think of this one?" Suki said happily, holding up the summer dress.
Erin held in the want to sigh. It looked exactly the same as the thousands of others she just showed her. "It's nice."
Suki frowned slightly. "You said that about the last ten dresses."
Erin released the sigh she had been holding in. "Okay, I have to be honest. I hate shopping." She said.
Suki looked at her surprised. "What?! But, I thought you liked shopping."
Erin tilted her head. "What made you think that?"
Suki gestured to what Erin was wearing. "Well you always dress so nice."
Erin looked down at the light pink sundress she was wearing, with her brown sandals. Was this that nice?
"Well it's not like I go shopping for these things. Hatori always takes me shopping." Erin said looking at her feet. "Well more like half drags me."
Suki chuckled. "You mean Hatori goes shopping with you?"
Erin looked over at her. Was that weird? "Yeah, he always takes me… Is that weird?"
Suki laughed and shook her head. "No, it's adorable. Out of all the guys I've dated none of them ever took me shopping, or liked coming with me. But, I admit I have pretty shitty taste in guys."
Erin thought about that. "I don't think that. You just haven't found the right person yet."
Suki smiled. "Erin, you're so sweet. Hatori really is lucky to have you." She said, pulling another dress from the rack. "How bout this one."
"Okay, I'm pretty sure you're just pulling the same dress out over and over." Erin laughed.
"I'm not, they're all completely different. You're like Jirou. He doesn't grasp fashion either."
Erin laughed. "You think I'm like Jirou? That's funny." Erin laughed. Jirou was calm and level headed. He was responsible. Erin was nothing like him.
"You and him both have a kindness about you. I wish I had it." She said putting the dress back. "Come on let's go." She said, grabbing her hand and leading her out the store.
"Are we leaving cause I don't like shopping?" Erin asked.
"Hell no. We came all this way, we are definitely getting some shopping done." She said, determined.
Erin sighed. "Alright, Alright."
They went through multiple stores. Once they were finally done Erin swore to never complain about shopping with Hatori ever again. At least he made it quick. Suki went into a store and wanted to analyze every piece of clothing they had on sale.
Bamboo shoots under her fingernails started to sound more appealing than going into another store.
"Hey Suki, I'm starving. Why don't we get some lunch? Erin asked, not having the heart to tell her she'd literally die if she was forced to go into another store.
Suki looked back at her and smiled. "Okay, okay, we'll take a break." She said walking towards the food court.
Erin frowned at the words 'take a break'. That insinuated like they were going back to shopping after lunch. Did she have a goal to visit every damn store?
Erin followed her before Suki stopped suddenly, causing Erin to bump into her. "What's up?" Erin asked.
"They're having a sale! We need to go in!" Suki said excitedly looking at the store.
Erin's eyes followed her gaze to see what store she was talking about. Upon seeing it, Erin's eyes widened and her face turned red. It was a lingerie store. "U-Uh Suki, I don't know… I'm really hungry…" She stammered, trying to draw Suki's attention away from the store.
"Erin, It'll be quick! Besides I really need some new nice underwear. Don't you?" Suki asked.
Erin's mouth went dry. Nice… Underwear?
In Erin's mind nice underwear was a completely foreign concept. Wearing something like that… was like an invitation for someone to ogle at her. She had spent a long part of her life trying to avoid certain attention.
"Um… Um… I don't know." Erin said quietly, staring at her feet. She became stupidly nervous… why? She should be able to go into a store like this without freaking out. However, she was freaking out, and to make matters worse Hatori and Jirou weren't here to help her.
"Come on, It'll be fun! Besides it's not like Hatori can take you underwear shopping. Let your Big Sis help you out!" She said happily.
Erin looked into Suki's blue eyes. They looked just like Jirou's eyes. They shined the way his did when he smiled. It seemed like he was there with her for a moment.
"Don't worry, it'll be alright you dope." She could almost hear him say, in that reassuring and steady voice he always used.
Erin blinked, as she focused her attention back on Suki. "Okay… I mean… I guess… If it's alright…" She said sheepishly.
"Of course it's alright silly, lets go it'll be fun!" Suki said excitedly, pulling her in.
Once inside Erin tried her best to keep her eyes from drifting to the skimpily dressed mannequins. Her eyes glanced up to one wearing what only could be described as a literal string. Her face warmed as she quickly walked away.
She looked down at a display of different underwear and frowned. What could possibly be the purpose for all of this? It couldn't be comfortable… She glanced back at the mannequin. Was this really what men found attractive? If that was the case Erin was definitely lacking. What if Hatori didn't find her attractive in the plain underwear she normally wore?
Her eyes widened as she came to the realization. Had she just been unattractive this whole time?
She swallowed hard, the nice memories she had of them together suddenly becoming warped and ugly.
She wanted to cry.
Crying in an underwear store… That would be a new low for her.
"Erin look, come here!" Suki's cheery voice pulled her from her thoughts.
Erin looked up at her and tentatively walked over to her.
"What kind do you usually wear? I'm guessing you don't wear thongs?" Suki asked.
Erin glanced at the stringy thing Suki was referring to. She shook her head.
"I figured. I wear thongs though. They are super comfortable. Anyway, I think boyshorts would look adorable on you, but I'm sure you'd also like briefs. However if you're feeling brave you would look so cute in these bikini cut ones." Suki said, pointing to each.
Erin looked down and sighed in relief. At least all these looked like underwear. They actually were cute. There were lots of different patterns and designs.
Erin picked a few she liked as Suki continued to look through them. "So which ones do you think Hatori would like best?" She asked.
Erin's face warmed for the millionth time. "I-I don't know…"
"I bet he'd like these." Suki said holding up a lacy violet pair.
Erin blinked at the all lace pair. "I mean I guess… but he probably won't even notice." Erin said, shrugging.
Suki laughed. "Trust me. He'll notice."
After the eventful trip to buy underwear, they finally made it to the food court.
However, looking at underwear and stressing so much did ruin Erin's appetite. She picked at the bento box she had bought as Suki ate hers.
"I'm telling you Erin, you'll look great. Hatori won't be able to take his eyes off you." Suki said between bites.
Erin tilted her head. "How can you be so sure?"
Suki smiled. "Cause he's a guy. And if there's one thing I know, it's how guys think."
"How'd you figure that out?" Erin asked.
"Years of observations." She said, resting her chin on her palm. "I mean I've been with enough guys to venture a guess." She laughed.
Erin nodded as her mind wandered back to that morning. It must be so effortless for Suki to be with someone. She was so pretty and outgoing. She also knew what she was doing. Erin didn't have a clue.
"So you… um… know a lot about that… sort of thing?" Erin asked quietly, her eyes glued to her food.
Suki raised a brow. "Are you talking about sex?" She asked.
Erin's heart stopped at the word. "Jesus Suki keep your voice down!" Erin quietly exclaimed.
Suki laughed. "I'll take that as a yes. Why do you ask?"
Erin shrugged, her eyes fixated on her hands. She wasn't shaking… right?
"Well what do you wanna know?" Suki asked leaning in closer.
Erin chewed on her words for a long time. "I just… um… don't know how to ask for it. I get nervous…" she mumbled.
"You don't ask, duh." Suki said, like it was obvious.
"But if I don't ask how will he know?" Erin asked, genuinely confused.
"Oh Erin, I have much to teach you." Suki said, patting her head. "Sweetie, you don't ask for it. You just have to hint at it. Like wearing cute underwear in front of him or purposely acting a way that'll make him get the idea." Suki explained. "You don't even have to ask. Do you get what I'm saying?" She asked.
Erin blinked and slowly nodded. "I think so…" Erin said, processing the information.
Don't ask… just act in a way that'll make him get the idea?
Erin inwardly sighed. Why was this all so complicated, and why was she the only one who couldn't figure it out?
Suki finished her lunch. "Come on, we got more stores to hit."
"Alright… but not too many more right?" Erin asked.
Suki just smiled. "Don't worry it'll be fun!"
Erin smiled half heartedly. She seriously doubted that.
ooooooooooooooooooooo
"Jirou!" Erin said excitedly, running towards him.
He looked up from his phone and smiled at the sight of her running towards him.
She clung to him tightly once she reached him. She had never been more thankful to see him in her life. At least some of the nervousness can go away now that he was here.
He hugged her back. "You're excited." He laughed.
He went to let go, but stopped when he realized she hadn't. He felt the way she clung tightly to his shirt. An action she only did when she was nervous.
"You okay?" He asked looking down at her.
She nodded and pulled away. Tentatively releasing her tight hold on his shirt.
He of course didn't believe her. What could've made her nervous at the mall?
"Hey wait for me guys!" Suki called running up to them.
Erin turned to face her as she reached them. Suki glanced at Jirou who pointed at Erin and mouthed 'what's wrong?'
Suki gave him a questionable look causing Erin to look back at him. He put his hand down quickly so she wouldn't notice.
He inwardly sighed. Of course Suki wouldn't notice. Suki was good at lots of things, but reading others emotions was not one of them.
"Jirou, did you bring mom's car?" Suki asked.
He nodded, glancing back to Erin.
"Good. I need the trunk space." Suki said walking past them with her bags.
"You know you should invest in your own car. Aunt Mitsu isn't gonna loan you hers forever." Erin said quietly looking up at him.
He laughed and rested his fist on her forehead. "I know, I know. Once I move out I'll work on it." He looked at her up and down once more. "Shopping fun?"
She shrugged. "Is shopping ever fun?"
"Depends what you're buying I guess." He said as they walked through the parking lot. "You sure you're alright? Suki didn't say anything did she?" Jirou asked.
He loved his twin sister. However, she had a tendency to be insensitive and say things out of line without realizing it.
"No… it was nice spending time with her. Even though I think I'm never going shopping again for the rest of my life." She laughed.
"Buy anything nice?" He asked.
At his question her face turned red. "N-No, nothing nice."
He laughed at the sight of her blush. "Alright, sorry I asked."
As they got into the car Jirou wondered what could've happened at the mall. He supposed he could ask Suki later.
On the drive back to Erin's house, Suki fell asleep in the backseat. Jirou looked at her through the rear view mirror and laughed slightly. "I guess she shopped until she dropped."
Erin glanced back at her and sighed. "Well gee I hope so, she went into every goddamn store. If I have to look at another piece of clothing I'm gonna commit." She said, shaking her head.
"Hey you agreed to go." Jirou pointed out.
"I know she wanted to spend time with me before her move in a few months." Erin said, leaning her head against the headrest.
Jirou turned the music down slightly. "Now that she's asleep and it's just the two of us, do you wanna tell me what made you so nervous?" He asked looking over at her.
Erin looked at him before dropping his gaze and stared at her feet.
"It's dumb." She said.
"I bet it's not, and even if it is you can still talk to me. It's what I'm here for." He said, attempting to get her to open up.
She sighed. "Are… are you and Kat… Do you guys… You know…" She said, trying to make the point without saying the words.
He looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?" He said, taking a sip of his water.
She sighed. "You know what I mean."
"I assure you, I don't."
"Yes you do."
"Erin, I have no idea what you're getting at."
"Jesus, fine. Do you guys have sex or not?" She asked exasperatedly. She was too tired to beat around the bush, and she needed answers.
At her question Jirou choked on his water and nearly swerved off the road. He looked over at her, feeling his face heat up. "I-I mean of course… but why do you ask?"
"Well what does she do? How do you know she wants it?" She asked, genuinely curious.
Jirou's face reddened. Why was she asking this? And what could this possibly do with what made her nervous at the mall?
"U-Um I don't know Erin… I…" He stuttered, trying to explain. "R-Really though, why are you asking?"
Erin sighed. "It's nothing. Forget it. I told you it was dumb." She said, staring at her feet
"I-It's not that it's dumb you just took me off guard. I mean it's a pretty personal question to ask." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
Erin frowned. She just wanted to know what was normal. She once again thought of this morning, when she wanted Hatori and could only sit there and awkwardly trip over her words. There had to be a better way. There had to be a 'normal' way. However, it's not like she had any girl friends she could ask, and she sure as hell wasn't asking Hatori.
Jirou looked over at her. She looked like she wanted to cry. What was this about? He thought he had gotten good at reading her. However, he couldn't for the life of him figure this out.
"Alright, alright, well if you must know… I don't know I can just tell if that makes sense… She just looks at me in a certain way I guess. I guess she drops hints too, like… well you know." He said with a slight smile, his face getting warm again.
Erin blinked. No. She didn't know. She didn't know at all. Intimacy was something that terrified her for years. It was getting better now of course, but sometimes it still terrified her.
How nice it must be to be a normal girl who can just wear pretty underwear, and be with someone easily.
It must be like breathing to them, completely effortless.
Meanwhile she had to fight through a million thoughts of fear and guilt about it.
Every single day.
Tears fell down her face and splashed onto her lap.
Jirou's eyes widened at the sight of her tears. Fuck, what did he say wrong? "Hey, why are you crying?" He asked gently.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry Jirou. I didn't mean to pry, it's just this is all so confusing to me. I've always… I've always thought one way, and it's hard changing. And it's hard knowing what to do cause… Well cause I have no idea!" She exclaimed, clearly frustrated.
Jirou blinked as he tried to interpret what she was saying.
He watched her close her eyes, as she took a breath and held it. When she finally released it, she wiped the tears from her face. "I'm sorry. Just forget about it okay?" She said as they pulled up to her house.
Jirou put the car in park. He wanted to help her, but for some reason he still didn't get it. He didn't want to say the wrong thing.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked.
She glanced at him, a sad smile on her face. "Jirou, you already do help me. I'm sorry again." She said grabbing her bags and opening the car door.
He didn't like how sad she looked. He grabbed her wrist gently before she left. "Erin. Whatever you're nervous or stressed about… it'll all be okay, I promise." He said earnestly.
She gave him a more earnest smile. "Thank you Jirou. Tell Suki I said bye, let her know I had fun even if I had to go to a million stores."
He smiled. "I will. Call me if you need me okay?" He said tentatively letting go of her wrist.
"Alright, love you." She said before shutting the car door.
"Love you too." He said but she was already inside. He sighed. What was that about? He felt like he used to feel, confused and useless. He thought he was better than this.
His eyes glanced to Hatori's black car parked adjacent to him in the driveway. At least he was there.
Maybe Hatori would be able to figure out what was wrong. He always does.
He looked at Suki asleep in the rearview mirror. He sighed once more.
He definitely had questions for her later.
oooooooooooooooooooooo
"I'm telling you Hatori, she was just off. Not herself. Something was bothering her but… I just can't figure out what." Jirou said, wiping off his wrench and placing it back in his tool box.
"This morning she had been a little off, but she seemed fine when she came home and at dinner. However, I'll talk to her." Hatori said from the other end of the line.
"Yeah, I would keep an eye out. It sucks. I wasn't able to figure it out. This hasn't happened to me in a while. I feel bad." He sighed.
"Don't. Erin can be hard to read sometimes. Especially lately. It seems she has gained a knack for hiding her emotions." Hatori sighed.
Jirou leaned against his workbench, running a hand down his face. "I think I've been too distracted lately."
Work had kept him so busy. Erin was getting good at hiding things from him because he wasn't with her as much. Now it showed in his inability to help her.
The old guilt he used to feel filled him.
"Don't worry. I'll talk to her." Hatori said, trying to placate him.
"Alright, let me know how it goes." Jirou said before saying his goodbyes and hanging up.
He sighed and massaged his temples as he walked back into the house. His head hurt. Maybe he should just go to bed early. It was dark out so it had to be at least 9, given how long summer days were.
Before he walked to the stairs his eyes glanced to the hallway leading to the kitchen. He frowned. It was there where his father attacked Erin a few months back.
He had to figure this out. He had to help her.
She could be upset right now… He pushed the thought from his head. He couldn't think like that. He would just get angry and upset.
"Jirou! Come here!" Suki called, hearing him climbing the stairs.
He walked to her room to see her laying out clothes. "Okay, so I need your opinion. I'm going out with this guy tonight. So out of the new underwear I bought today, which should I wear?" She asked, pointing to the pile.
Jirou rolled his eyes. What was with the two of them and their weird questions today? He needed a brother. Having two sisters was becoming a lot to handle.
"Gee I don't know Suki. Like I care about your…" He paused as he thought of what she had said. "You bought underwear today?" He asked, looking at the fancy pink bag.
She nodded "Yeah, me and Erin went. They were having a sale."
"You took Erin underwear shopping?" Jirou asked.
"Didn't I just say that?" She said looking back to her pile.
Jirou blinked as everything finally clicked.
He could see it perfectly. The lingerie all around probably made her uncomfortable and nervous. It was probably like a slap in the face to her. It also probably made her self conscious.
She probably got a dumb idea in her head that she wasn't good enough, or that she needed to change to make Hatori happy.
"I've always thought one way, and it's hard changing." Her words replayed in his head.
He sighed. That would explain all the weird questions.
He mentally kicked himself for not getting it at first.
"What's wrong?" Suki asked looking back at him.
He raised a brow at her. "You Suki, how could you take her to a lingerie store?" Jirou said looking down at her.
She looked at him confused. "Because they were having a sale?" Why did he look mad?
He furrowed his brows. "Suki I don't care if they were giving out thongs for free. Do you ever stop to think about anyone but yourself for once?"
She made a face and looked at him. "What's your problem Jirou? Why are you being an ass right now?"
Jirou took a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease his frazzled nerves. "Suki, don't you think the very concept of lingerie could bother Erin?"
She thought for a moment, deflating. "It's just underwear, you worry too much." She said, rolling her eyes.
"Well I'd rather worry too much than not enough. And maybe to her it's not just underwear. Suki you have to remember what she went through. It was years of abuse, you need to think of these things." He said, clearly exasperated.
She furrowed her brows and looked away. She couldn't argue with Jirou about Erin. He clearly had the upper hand. He was closer with her. She saw the way Erin looked at him. She trusted him.
She remembered the scared look on her face before going into the store. Erin didn't trust her like she trusted Jirou.
"Fine. Maybe I went too far. It won't happen again alright? Soon I'll be in New York and I won't be able to mess up anymore." She said quietly.
He sighed. "That's not what I mean. I'm sorry Suki. I just… I'm just stressed. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Erin was just pretty upset and I couldn't figure out why. I don't like feeling like that… Like I used to feel, useless."
Suki looked at her brother leaning against her door frame. She thought of what she told Erin at the mall about the kindness that they had. The kindness she didn't seem to possess.
"You care about her a lot don't you? I can see it on your face." Suki said, staring at the floor.
He looked over at her, surprised at her question. He thought for a moment. Jirou of course knew the answer. Erin was the most important person in the world to him. However, the look on Suki's face made him not want to admit it.
"Erin's just… she's really important to me. I'd do anything for her… I'd do anything for both of you. I just, I just feel like I have a lot of making up to do with her. I ignored her for so long." He said, running a hand through his hair.
Suki sighed and sat on her bed. "We both did…"
Jirou nodded. "I need to fix this. I need to fix what he did… what I ignored. It's what I do… I can't be like him." He said balling his fists.
At the sight of the pained look on his face, Suki walked up to hug him. "I know. I know. But you're nothing like him. Don't say that. You're doing a good job. I mean, Erin changed so much when I was on my internship. She's so much more relaxed now. She's lucky, having you as a brother. I know I am." She said smiling at him.
Jirou returned the smile and laughed slightly "I don't know about that."
"Jirou I've been with you my whole life. You are the kindest person I've ever met. You do your best to help people, especially the people you care about. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't know about." She said, trying to placate him.
How could he think he was like their father? Jirou was nothing like him. He would never willingly hurt someone, especially someone he cares about. He always put others before himself. Which was something she hadn't mastered.
She grabbed his hand and looked up at him. "Look, I apologize for the store. I'll talk to her later if you want. She really did so well though. She was nervous at first, but she did it." She said, giving his hand a squeeze. "And I know she's able to take these small steps because of you."
Jirou smiled, finally calming down. Suki always had a way of knowing exactly what he needed to hear.
"It was funny though, she really thought Hatori wouldn't notice if she was wearing fancy underwear." She laughed. "Bet she wears them tonight and his heart stops. I mean he's gonna be shocked seeing her cute self in those. Maybe he'll-"
"Alright, alright. I don't need these thoughts in my head. I'm just starting to like Hatori, don't change that." He said tousling her hair. Okay maybe she said more than what he needed to hear.
"Be safe with this dude. Don't get knocked up or I'll have to kill him and you." He said walking out.
"Gee thanks Dad." She said rolling her eyes.
Suki looked down at the pile of new underwear. She smiled. Sure it was a risk, but one she was almost positive Erin could handle.
She was probably wearing them now. Maybe it would give her strength as she got closer and closer to getting better.
oooooooooooooooooooo
"Shit!" Erin swore, combing through all the knots in her wet hair.
Why did the bath always make her hair so tangled? Brushing through it was such a chore.
She sprayed more detangler in it before finally it was smooth and straight.
She stared at herself in the mirror. She moved her towel to stare at herself. She frowned. She seemed bony and small. She had absolutely no curves, no chest, and nothing really worthwhile about her. Did Suki really think she would look good in lacey underwear? She could have the world's fanciest underwear on and she still wouldn't be attractive or desirable.
Although she could try…
Her eyes drifted to the corner where the bag sat. She could at least try them on. Just for herself. Besides, Hatori wouldn't notice anyway. He didn't pay attention to that kind of stuff.
She mustered up all her courage and pulled the light purple all lace pair from the bag, and put them on.
They actually weren't as uncomfortable as she thought. She looked at herself in the mirror. She swallowed hard. They covered much less than what she was used to.
She looked over her shoulder quickly, unable to shake the feeling someone was staring at her.
Upon seeing no one there, she inhaled deeply in an attempt to slow her racing heart.
"It's only underwear Erin, not a big deal. You don't have to get so worked up." She said to herself.
As she walked out of the bathroom a knock pulled her from her thoughts.
"Can I come in?" Hatori asked from the other side.
"Yeah." She said, putting on her white night shirt and began to start the buttons.
"I wanted to talk to you abo-" Hatori started, but stopped abruptly upon looking at her.
His heart stopped and his breath hitched as he looked at her.
His eyes trailed down her. Her long dark hair still damp against her barely buttoned shirt, leaving him able to see her chest and stomach. His eyes went down further to see the all lace pair of underwear she wore.
The way it perfectly fit her, it accentuated every curve she had.
He had never seen her like this before. She usually didn't wear things like this.
She gave him a questionable look as she paused on buttoning her shirt. "What's wrong?" She asked, tilting her head.
Hatori shook his head, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to keep his composure. However, he was failing miserably. "N-nothing." He stuttered, prying his eyes off of her and looking away. He knew his face was warming as the blood rushed to his ears.
Erin looked over him. Why was he so… flustered? Hatori never got like this. He always kept his composure.
"Trust me he'll notice."
Suki's words from earlier replayed in her head.
She looked down at what she was wearing. Was this all because of underwear?!
Her face turned beet red as she nervously tugged on her night shirt. He actually noticed? She really didn't think he would.
She watched him attempt to regain his composure. She could see his noticeably pink cheeks. She almost laughed. She really got him off his guard.
Did she really have the power to do that? Just from some underwear?
She smirked. Seeing Hatori be the flustered one? Well she couldn't pass this up.
She walked up to him, playing with the end of his tie. "Are you okay? Your face is red."
At her pointing it out his cheeks darkened. He nodded. "Yes, I'm alright… I just…" He tried to explain, but he got distracted with the way Erin was playing with his tie. She did it all the time, why was this time so different?
He mentally kicked himself. He had to calm down. He thought he had more self control than this.
He looked down at her. He became mesmerized by her hands, and the way she twirled his tie around her fingers. What he would give to have her hands on him.
He tried to shake the improper thought from his mind.
"Hatori." She called softly, lightly pulling on his tie.
The action caused butterflies to race through him. He met her gaze. He had to focus. "Yes?"
She laughed slightly. "You didn't finish what you were saying."
What was he saying? He couldn't even remember. He was so distracted by Erin, his mind couldn't focus.
He laughed lightly. He tucked the piece of hair behind her ear, not able to keep his hands still anymore. "I don't remember.." He whispered, getting lost in her eyes.
She dropped his gaze and shook her head. "I guess I'm not the only one who's forgetful." She said, walking away and sitting on their bed.
He watched her swing her legs off the edge of the bed.
The longing and desire he felt burned inside of him. He wanted to get lost in her.
He wanted to show her just how much he loved her. He wanted to love her until there was no doubt left in her mind. He wanted to love her so she would never think that she wasn't good enough.
He stood in front of where she sat on the bed. She looked up at him as he cupped her cheek.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, her nerves and her anxiety seemingly disappearing from his touch.
When she opened her eyes again she saw his cheeks were still flushed. She smirked. "Are you sure you're alright? You seem distracted." She said, clearly enjoying herself.
Hatori raised a brow at her before glancing at her up and down. "Well, there's a lot to distract me." He said, resting his forehead against hers. He felt his hand twitch.
God he wanted her so badly.
Shit, when did he become like this? He used to be able to push aside feelings like this. An action that was nearly impossible when it came to Erin.
He just didn't want to make her uncomfortable. It was getting better but, Hatori still wasn't 100% sure how far he could go till he reached her limits, and everyday was different.
Some days she was fine, but other days she still flinched at his touch. It of course never bothered him, and he was always patient and understanding with her. He just didn't want to upset her by trying to push anything.
He watched her bite her lip, and suddenly he couldn't help himself anymore.
He quickly tilted her chin up so his lips could crash against hers, as he kissed her deeply. He felt her tense up in surprise. He was about to pull away and apologize, when he felt her wrap her arms around him and pull him close.
Hatori felt his heart quicken as she ran her hands up his back and through his hair.
In one fluid motion he picked her up and sat down so she was on his lap.
He could feel her smile through the kiss and he smiled too.
As Erin kissed him happiness filled her. Maybe she didn't know how to ask for things yet. Maybe she was awkward at times. She was so far from perfect, and had an insurmountable amount of flaws.
However Hatori didn't see them… Or if he did see them he didn't care. He loved her regardless. In his eyes she was beautiful, worthy of love, and by the way he reacted to her in this underwear… Well he clearly found her desirable.
Maybe she didn't know things every other girl seemed to know, but Hatori still chose her.
She would continue to get better. One day she wouldn't have to think about it.
It would be effortless. She would be able to ask and it would be easy.
Just like breathing.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Happy Saturday! Hope everyone had a great week!
Yay for chapter 2!
This is a good one. We love Erin being dragged through the store. I hate shopping. I don't mind if I'm alone, but if I'm with my best friend, she will insist on going into every store. It's a huge drag haha. But I still go cause it makes her happy haha.
Anyway I always love writing Suki and Jirou, especially Jirou (Is anyone surprised? No.) Jirou is definitely the type of person that deals with things by trying to fix them. Hence the bike and always trying to help Erin. I honestly feel Hatori is the same way. But we'll get into that later.
Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next Saturday for Chapter 3: Good Days and Bad Days!
And I didn't forget about the character analysis!
Erin's Parents
They don't have names. I don't know why but I never gave them names. Oh well.
They passed on December 31, 1987 in a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver.
They were both born and raised in New York City.
Erin was their entire world. They were very hands on parents, and definitely brought Erin everywhere they went.
Her mom was a big reader nod would read to Erin all the time. Her favorite book to read to her was Black Beauty.
They were about 36 when they passed.
Erin's mom was a great cook and a great baker as well. Erin's dad on the other hand was an awful cook, and definitely was that parent who would some how mess up spagettios lolol.
Erin was a daddy's girl when she was younger and was really close with her dad, who spoiled her a lot.
They loved kids and were in the process of trying for a second before they passed. (However, I can't imagine Erin being an older sibling haha)
Because she was so young and they passed so quickly, Erin doesn't have much to remember her parents by. She has her. Black beauty book from her mom and her stuffed octopus that they got her that last Christmas.
I feel if they were still alive they would love Hatori. Maybe they would question their age difference, but I think they would get over that eventually. I mean I feel Hatori is like the perfect guy you'd want to bring home to meet your parents. He's successful, polite, handsome, punctual, responsible, educated. I mean I could just go on and on. LOL.
It's sad when I write about them because I know they had to die you know because plot, but still it's sad. I know they're happy now though knowing Hatori takes such good care of Erin.