Thanks to Modeus for the review!
They remembered.
They were holding a hand.
His hand.
"Survive."
He told them.
Then, he'd left.
He never returned.
And they...
They—
They blinked.
Their eyes were—
What eyes?
Their body was no longer a body.
It was a destroyed mass.
Yet, they lived.
No, they were dead.
They existed.
They didn't know how to exist, they never truly had; but they still did.
They floated endlessly across the darkness.
Even now, they continued to survive.
But survival hadn't made them strong.
Their many deaths, their pain, their mistakes, none of it had transformed them into a better being.
It had changed them, but it had not improved them.
Change, they realized, was only change.
One did not become wiser from pain, nor did they become stronger from failure.
The idea that change was always good was a fallacy.
Change was only change.
It was neutral, uncaring, and permanent.
And they had changed so much.
They would never be who they used to be.
They could never be the same creature they were when they held that hand.
His hand.
The abominations with infected lumps on their backs had tried to stop him. They were dangerous, but they were slow.
In the end, there had been nothing they could do to prevent his escape.
"Don't look back."
Finas' voice was but a whisper.
All that felt real for Lautrec were Solaire's furious screams.
"Run. Just run!"
Lautrec ran faster. He didn't stop nor did he look over his shoulder. Soon he found himself back at the pestilent swamp of Blighttown again. It welcomed him in all its hideous splendor. The swamp's thick water slowed his pace, trapping his feet into its muddy surface each time he took a step toward the wooden lifts.
It was as if the swamp itself was conspiring against him together with Solaire, as if it wanted his blood to spill on its waters.
Lautrec's legs began to burn from exhaustion. His heart raced to the point where every beat became painful.
There was something else too.
A dull agony that didn't steam from his body, but from his soul.
Threatened by the closeness of his sins, he ran even faster. He no longer knew what he was truly trying to escape from.
Lost and baffled, Lautrec kept going until he reached one of the moving wooden lifts.
"Don't look behind you."
Fina ordered.
Her voice was shaky and glowing with excitement. Unlike Lautrec, she was enjoying the sense of tension and danger. Her excitement was so intoxicating and pleasurable that he felt slightly mesmerized by it, but the feeling did nothing to fill the hole in his soul.
"You did it."
Fina trailed a long kiss along his neck, all the way up to his ear. Her hands caressed his chest, leaving no inch of his torso free from her silky touch.
"I knew you were different. I knew you were strong."
Fina whispered in his ear. She held him close to her. She clung to him.
Her touch and her presence eased Lautrec's despair. He basked in the safety of her embrace. Eventually, he reached the top floor of the structure.
Lautrec descended from the wooden lift; it was only then when he dared to look down at the swamp.
Solaire was nowhere to be seen, but his raging screams filled Blighttown like a storm. The rawness of his roars made Lautrec shiver.
Solaire's voice remained unchanged, but there was no trace in it of the man Lautrec had once known.
"He will go Hollow."
He will go Hollow.
His thought synchronized with Fina's voice perfectly. He smiled, wholly and pleasantly for the first time in what felt like ages. His smile became a smirk, and his former fear became pure satisfaction.
"I am still alive."
Lautrec said.
He continued looking down below at the sickened swamp.
Then, he saw him.
He saw Solaire.
The former Warrior of Sunlight entered Blighttown with a chaotic, unstoppable trotting. He looked and acted more like a beast than a man.
"I live."
Lautrec began to chuckle. He couldn't remember the last time he had been glad to be alive.
Perhaps not since the death of his—
"She is dead." Lautrec said in between his laughter.
Dead.
Dead like the knight of thorns that had Hollowed and had attacked him and Solaire.
Dead like that abomination Lautrec had murdered and whose soul he had taken.
The memory of her opened chest and her blood on his hands struck Lautrec with all its power.
He didn't run away from it.
Instead, he welcomed it with open arms and embraced it the same Fina was embracing him.
"They are dead." Lautrec whispered as tears streamed down his cheeks. He turned his back on Solaire and Blighttown forever and continued climbing the stairs of the structure. "And soon, so will you."
Fina spoke to him, but Lautrec paid no heed to her words.
The bliss he was feeling was too intense for anything to shatter it. It pulsated inside him like a second heart, as warm and tender as the maiden's soul that he now kept guarded within himself.
He always gave up hope too easily.
His soul was distrustful.
His heart was defeatist.
But even so, as much as his mind was prone to picturing the worst of scenarios, Oscar wasn't willing to believe Solaire had gone Hollow.
The stench of death and sickness had been a warning, and so had been the trail of blood and corpses he'd found along his way.
Yet, for once in his life, Oscar had refused to listen to his pessimistic mind. Despite the signs and omens, despite the raging screams that rang loudly across Blighttown, he had dared to believe everything would turn out fine.
Oscar had refused to think the merchant was right. He would never accept the idea that the man he would find in Blighttown no longer be his friend, and that all that would be waiting for him at the bottom of that pit would be a Hollow and not Solaire.
His illogical faith had not passed unnoticed by the gods, fate, fortune or whatever entity that continued to watch over him.
After descending the rotting wooden bridges and reaching the pestilent swamp, Oscar found him.
He saw Solaire.
"Lautrec!" his friend screamed as he ran aimlessly across the swamp. "Lautrec!"
Oscar, who had been running directly towards him, came to a stop when he realized it was indeed Solaire who had been screaming all along.
His heart shrunk in his chest, and even more so when his moment of pause allowed him to take a better look at his friend.
Solaire's tunic was reduced to tatters; he was covered in mud and blood; his hair was matted and loose; it covered his face, hiding most of his features except for his eyes.
They became fixed on him, with an expression Oscar had not seen in Solaire since his friend had beaten up that thief Patches almost to death.
This time, it was worse. Though not Hollow, Solaire held little resemblance to the man he truly was, to the friend Oscar had known.
"Solaire." Oscar took a step closer to him. He didn't fear his friend, but he knew he had to proceed with caution, not for his sake, but for Solaire's.
The shock of seeing him alive after believing he had died could distress Solaire to the point of madness.
It was highly possible, given the state he was in.
The state I put you in.
Oscar swallowed the lump in his throat. His mind gave him no quarter; it kept materializing all sort of accusations that made him wished he could be deaf to his own thoughts. Yet, as painful as they were to listen to, they were not inaccurate or unfair.
It was all his fault, after all.
Just like it had been his fault that the Undead—
Enough! I am here now... I am here with my friend. That's all that matters.
Solaire kept staring at him with his eyes wide open. He said nothing, and he didn't move. His lack of a reaction was like a stab in the heart for Oscar.
"Solaire, it's me." Oscar said once he was closer to him.
Solaire stepped back, gazing at Oscar as if he was a demon he couldn't defeat. Oscar stopped walking. He raised his arms with his hands open.
Before he could continue, he had to appease Solaire.
"Solaire." Oscar said soothingly. He could see how Solaire's shoulders trembled. "My friend, I'm here. I came back to you, just like I promised."
Oscar swiftly wiped his eyes with the back of his leather gauntlet. He held back his tears, aware that he would have no way to stop them if he allowed them to continue flowing.
"Forgive me for taking so long." He continued, choking with his own voice. "Don't be scared. It's alright, Solaire. Everything will be alright now, I promise."
"Shut up."
Oscar barely had time to process Solaire's fury. In a heartbeat, Solaire's incredulous expression evolved into one of anger, and from his clenched hand and crumbled talisman, a blinding glow of lighting energy manifested.
It engulfed his fist, and soon, dozens of erratic threads of light emerged from it. They danced around the amorph Lighting Spear until the miracle slowly shaped itself into its rightful form.
"You won't deceive me." Solaire stated with so much resentment that Oscar couldn't help to back away from him.
"Stop!" He exclaimed as his friend raised his arm and aimed the miracle right at him. "Solaire, please, listen to me—"
"I won't fall for any more of your dirty tricks!"
Oscar jumped out of the way. It was a natural reaction of his body; his mind was yet to come to terms that Solaire had truly hurled a Lighting Spear at him.
Oscar did not believe any of what had happened was real until he was deafened by the thunderous explosion of the spear as it crashed behind him. The miracle left a wide hole on the swamp's surface.
Though he had managed to escape the attack, Oscar was hit by the shockwave of contained energy released by the miracle. His skin stung as his every nerve reacted to the lighting energy that traveled through him.
The force of the shockwave also sent him flying. When Oscar finally found himself back on land again, it took him a moment to gather his thoughts and ground himself in reality. The first thing his crisped and tingling body felt was the slick, cold touch of the swamp's water on his back as it filtrated through his chainmail.
His breathing had been reduced to a hoarse, slow panting. All that his eyes could see was the distant, dim sunlight that reached Blighttown from above.
He also heard something.
The sizzling murmur of thunder.
Underneath it, he could hear the hurried steps of Solaire as his feet splashed on the swamp's muddied waters.
Oscar recovered his senses promptly and tried to stand up, but Solaire proved to be faster than him. Not even the swamp had succeeded in slowing him down, and before Oscar could know it, he found himself pinned to ground by Solaire.
His friend put a knee of his belly and pressed him down. Unknowingly, Solaire hefted all the pressure of his weight on Oscar's reopened scar. The injury had not healed properly from the Undead's assault, and though Oscar had tried to heal it with Estus, he knew it would take a long time of rest near a bonfire for it to wholly scar anew.
At first, the pain it caused him had been a pulsating but tolerable.
Now, Solaire had transformed it into a burning injury that made Oscar scream as if he was being branded with red-hot irons.
"Don't you dare." Solaire cut off Oscar's cry by grabbing him by the throat. He squeezed until Oscar was left with no breath to scream. "Don't you dare mimic his voice... you monster! Murderer!"
Solaire pulled Oscar up until they were face to face. Even then, Solaire refused to put his knee off Oscar's bleeding wound.
The dirty water of the swamp stung Oscar with more intensity than alcohol as it caressed his wound through his chainmail. By instinct, his hands jolted to Solaire's arm. He tried to free himself from his grasp, but it was in vain.
"How could you do it?" Solaire asked Oscar. They were so close that their foreheads touched. "Why did you kill her? Why have you disguised yourself as Oscar? Why?"
His grip on Oscar's neck became tighter and more suffocating with each question. Oscar gasped for air desperately. His sight started to become blurry and darker.
For a second, he had the strength necessary to grab his crystal sword, but he hesitated. His heart couldn't bring itself to harm Solaire. Distracted by this small moment of doubt, Oscar lost his chance to counterattack and free himself.
"I don't care what illusion or magic you have casted upon yourself... none of it will save you now." Solaire said as he slammed Oscar back on the swamp.
Oscar's head bounced at the impact before getting stuck in the thick water. His hands could no longer offer any real resistance, and all they could do was to limply cling to Solaire's metal bracelet.
Solaire raised his fist embedded with lighting as if it was a sword. The glowed it emitted illuminated his face. His teeth were bared, and his expression was twisted in a furious scowl.
"This time, I'll kill you." Solaire exclaimed. "I'll kill you until you go Hollow!"
Without thinking, Oscar used what little energy he had left and raised one of his hands. Softly, he rested it on Solaire's chest, right above his heart, on the same spot where the painted sun of his destroyed tunic had once been.
He knew he couldn't stop Solaire's attack, but Oscar's gesture hadn't really been an effort to impede his death at the hands of his friend.
I was there.
Oscar thought. He pressed his hand closer to Solaire.
I was among that group... I was there when you showed your newly painted tunic, shield and talisman to us. I was there when the others laughed at you and mocked you. I was there, and I did nothing.
Oscar closed his eyes.
I was always there. I could have done something, but I did nothing. I didn't want to. I didn't care... and now that I want to help you, I can't.
He clenched his hand. The metal of his gauntlet screeched inaudibly as he scratched Solaire's chainmail.
Oscar opened his eyes again and discovered that the blinding light of Solaire's miracle was starting to dwindle.
His gaze met with Solaire's. Slowly, the grip on his throat became gentler and more forgiving. Though he couldn't find his voice, Oscar still expressed his words with the silent gestures of his lips.
He thought of only one thing he wished to tell Solaire.
If that was really the last moment they were meant to share together before he departed to a death he wouldn't return from, then Oscar wanted Solaire to know.
He wanted Solaire to be certain of what he meant to him.
My friend.
"Oscar?" Solaire asked numbly.
His hand departed from Oscar's throat as if he had been burned.
The miracle faded away from his other hand, and his weight left Oscar's body abruptly.
Oscar had no time to enjoy his relief as it was quickly replaced by a violent coughing fit.
By impulse, Oscar got himself into a sitting position. It was not a smart move, for he sharpened the burning sting on his injury. He continued coughing and struggling for air while wrapping an arm around his pulsating stomach.
He was still gasping and panting desperately when he looked at Solaire.
He stood away from him, looking at him with a fearful expression. He looked like a child who had lost his parents in a busy street.
"But—no." Solaire took one more step away from Oscar. Then, he collapsed on his knees. "You are dead. You are dead."
He looked away from Oscar and stared at his shaking hands. He looked at them for a long moment before hiding his face behind his palms. Solaire slammed his head against the swamp, and though his frantic voice was muffled by his hands, Oscar could still hear him clearly.
"Oscar is dead." Solaire pressed and squeezed his head as if he wanted to squash it. "This is not real. Oscar is dead, just like Laurentius... just like that maiden. And I'm to blame. They all died because of me. They are dead, dead."
Laurentius.
Oscar felt a twinge of grief for the pyromancer. A part of him wanted to mourn him properly, but Oscar had little room in his mind for that at the moment.
"Solaire." Oscar whispered. His throat still hurt, but he had recovered his breath and voice. Getting back on his feat was a challenge. The injury on his belly felt as if it would rip open and allow his entrails to spill on the swamp.
Oscar took a small sip of Estus from his flask. It numbed the pain, if only slightly.
Then, clumsily but hurriedly, he went to Solaire.
"He is dead. He is dead." Solaire was so immersed in his musings that he continued to ignore Oscar even as he knelt next to him.
He only reacted when Oscar softly put a hand on his back.
"No, no." Solaire pulled away from Oscar. He tried to stand up and run, but Oscar stopped him by resting an arm around his shoulders. "No, no, no."
"Solaire, it's alright." Oscar told him. He tried to make Solaire look at him, but his kept his face concealed behind his hands. "It's me. It's all over now, you are safe."
"No more, Lautrec." Solaire pleaded, struggling to shake away Oscar's arm off him. "Enough of this trick. Kill me if you must, but just make this stop."
It was at that moment that Oscar's absolute hatred for Lautrec was cemented in his heart. He didn't know what he had done to Solaire, but he knew he would never forgive the Carim knight for hurting his friend in such manner.
"He is not here, Solaire." Oscar said softly, lowering his head closer to Solaire's. "He can't hurt you anymore."
"Enough." Solaire shook his head. "Please."
"I followed your messages." Oscar pressed his forehead against Solaire's temple. "They guided me. They gave me the strength I needed to find my way back to you."
Oscar felt how Solaire shuddered as he let out a sunken gasp. It was only then that his hands finally departed from his face. It was a slow procedure.
Solaire trembled out of control. He stared into a distant nothingness, his eyes wide open in horror and disbelief. It took him a long moment to turn his head and look at Oscar.
Oscar offered Solaire a small and warm smile in some attempt to calm him down. He felt stupid, and even more so when his eyesight became blurry with his tears. He blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay, but succeeded in shedding them instead.
"Oscar." Solaire muttered under his breath. Their eye contact lasted very little, for Solaire's eyes quickly darted down to Oscar's neck. His expression became mortified, as if he had been caught committing the most awful of sins.
Tears abandoned Solaire's unchanging and horrified eyes.
"No." Solaire stuttered. He tried to pull away from Oscar again.
"I'm a monster." Solaire said as he made one more attempt to break free. "A monster."
Oscar answered by pulling him into an embrace. Their chins rested on each other's shoulders.
The smell of blood, sweat and the swamp's filth emanated strongly from Solaire. It didn't bother Oscar at all. Rather than pulling away from him, Oscar's arms tightened their hold on Solaire.
"Don't say that." He told Solaire, who still refused to bring his arms close to him. He kept them away from Oscar as if he was infected with a contagious curse. "Don't talk about yourself like that, Solaire. You are many things, incredible things. You could never be a monster."
"But I am." Solaire was shivering. He choked on a sob and remained silent for so long that, for an awful moment, Oscar believed he was holding a Hollow and not Solaire.
Solaire shattered that dreadful idea when he abruptly surrounded Oscar with his arms. He hid his face on Oscar's shoulders and wept, violently and without restraint.
Oscar said nothing. He wished to, but he couldn't find the right thing to say. He thought and thought, forcing his mind to come up with words that could bring some solace to Solaire.
He couldn't, and all he did instead was to keep Solaire firmly close to him as he continued to cry. In the end, everything he could offer Solaire in his time of need was his presence.
Some comfort that was.
You deserve much better.
Yet, as little worth as his presence had, Oscar gave it all to Solaire.
Perhaps, he thought, that was the answer he was looking for.
"I'm here, my friend." Oscar said to Solaire in his ear. He closed his eyes and raised one of his hands up to Solaire's nape. Gently, Oscar pressed him closer to his shoulder. "I'm here with you. We'll get through this together, alright? I promise."
"I can't. I ruined it." Solaire could barely speak. His sobs and hiccups had left him breathless, and his voice was muffled by Oscar's chainmail. It was only because they were so close to each other that Oscar could understand what he said. "I ruined everything. I've done so many awful things. I hurt you. I almost killed you—"
Solaire feel silent. As if compensating for his lack of speech, he clung more fervently to Oscar.
Oscar could feel Solaire's raging heartbeat against his chest. His frustration, his anger, his grief and despair, they were as perceptible as the violent shuddering of his body.
"All that I've done... Oh, Oscar." Solaire said without lifting his face from Oscar's shoulder. "I'm a monster. That's what I've proved to be. That's all I am."
"Solaire, don't believe that... not for one second. If you do, this thought could make you go Hollow and—"
"I deserve it. Maybe going Hollow is the only fate I ever deserved. I should have gone Hollow back in Firelink Shrine. I should have died in Astora. I should have died the moment my parents abandoned me. I—"
"None of it happened." Oscar interrupted, firmly but not without kindness. With utter care, he lifted Solaire from his shoulder.
Solaire resisted at first, but he complied after letting out a deep sigh. Even when they were face to face, he refused to look at Oscar. Instead, he covered his eyes with one hand. He continued crying, sniffling his nose, and making a great effort to swallow his sobs and stop his weeping.
"None of it should have happened." Oscar continued. Unlike Solaire, he had long given up in his attempts to held back his tears. Free from this restraint, his voice and thoughts came to him more naturally. "None of it you deserve, regardless of what you've done. You are not Hollow. Did you hear me, Solaire? You are not Hollow, and neither you are a monster. You are a man. You are alive. You are my friend."
"How can you say that?" Solaire dropped his hand to the floor. His blue eyes were surrounded by red, either from his weeping, exhaustion, or both. "After what I did to you... when you don't even know what I've done!"
"Because I know you, Solaire." Oscar said, letting his forehead rest against Solaire's again. Solaire accepted the gesture with an incredulous look. "I know you have the strength to make amends for whatever faults you committed. Those faults do not make you a monster, Solaire. They do not change the person you truly are."
Oscar remembered how he had felt the same way.
He still did, in more ways than one.
What he had done to the Undead at the Asylum, the little snippets of his past that evidenced him as a selfish man, his unfairly bought position among the elite knights, his selfishness, his ambitions... when he thought about them, he too felt like a monster.
He felt like a hypocrite as well.
Who was he to lecture Solaire about a lesson he had yet to learn himself?
Perhaps I am not preaching wisdom I do not have.
Oscar thought as Solaire imitated him and softly rested a hand behind his head.
And I am merely sharing with my friend a moment of realization we both need.
"We are human, and we are still alive." Oscar said. "We cannot change what we've done. We must live with the mistakes we've made; but we'll overcome it. It won't be easy, but we'll keep moving forward, far away from the fates we do not wish for ourselves, and we'll do it together, just like we promised. Alright, Solaire?"
It was Solaire who embraced him first this time. His grasp was no longer forceful and oppressive, but gentle and soothing.
"My friend." Solaire said as he firmly surrounded Oscar with his arms. "My friend."
"I'm here." Oscar replied as he reciprocated the gesture in the same manner. "Always."
It found him.
Its objective.
He had run away before it had the chance to seize him.
It had chased after him, leaving behind the chamber and the corpse of its former host. He had perished, as had the moribund Hollow that clung to the stiff hand of the dead abomination stuck in the wall.
It did not care for any of them.
Its mind had only one concern.
To fulfill the dying wish it had inherited from its host.
It crawled across the swamp, silently and quickly. Its many legs glided overt the water's surface.
Its presence remained concealed.
Its objective did not become aware of its existence until it, with a precise and swift jump, ingrained its teeth on his skull. The man pushed the other human he was holding away from him. Then, he screamed.
It did not care, but it did feel something when the cries of its new host echoed across Blighttown.
It did not have the intelligence to process the feeling, but its basic instincts and the distant sentiment of its former host told it that said feeling was good.
Soon, it wanted more of it.
And it would obtain it. That was the reason it was alive, after all.
Eager for more, the parasite dug its teeth deeper into its host's skull and raised its tail until it stood straight above itself and the man.
The tip glowed fervently like a small sun.