Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Reviews:

LavenderLuvER18: Luv, I love your review. Not just the one you posted but the super duper long one you PM'd me. Thank you. I'm also taking care of me this weekend. I hadn't written in two weeks and decided to finish this one because of all the ideas I have in my head about the next chapter. But I wanted to post this short one now. By the way, I'm in downtown Chicago right now and damn it's something, I mean expensive but something. Beautiful. It's funny that I wanted to travel and here I am. I also like that the books I've included in this story I've actually read. Okay, too much LOL. Hope you enjoy this one.

R34clell45: I'ma try to hit that one million words, promise, but this one is only 13k. I hope you enjoy it anyways; I really do.

CHAPTER 46:

I exhale, feeling that cloud under me, and hear that voice say, "What was your favorite part?"

I feel my smile.

I swallow, walking, looking around, seeing it looks smaller, I think, but nicer, with more pictures of sunsets and things to do here, those fairs they have in the summer, the picnics where it looks like everyone that lives here sales their food, not remembering that, only remembering a little, all of it coming back to me, like memories, lost ones, that room with the big bed where I slept with her because those other rooms in her house were too big and scary, not remembering why they were scary, the living room where I took naps, hearing her, loving that smell, waking up to that smell, opening my eyes, looking up at the ceiling, getting up from the couch, walking, hearing the rain, that warm rain, feeling that warm kitchen floor with my feet, getting to that door, hearing her warm voice that felt like honey and made me think of lemon and spice, opening that screen door, stepping inside that room, seeing that yellow bouncy hair inside of a room with screens around it, that hair that reminded me of sunshine, what sunshine would be if it wasn't raining, seeing that dark-cream colored skin, and those eyes that still look like big pretty green diamonds that shine and shine no matter what she's been through, that face that looks like my mom, and that smile, running, running to her, crying, seeing that beautiful face my mommy had to get from her, and I hug her, crying, telling her I missed her, I missed her so much, I missed my grandma so much, feeling her hug me, crying, hearing her say she missed me and she loves me so much.

I exhale, shaking, hugging her, feeling those arms going around me, around us, those arms I've knowing my whole life, crying, hearing my mom crying, hearing her say she missed her mommy, crying, not wanting this to end, to have them all, my mom, my grandma, my sister.

My sister.

I inhale, letting go of my grandma, feeling my mom letting go of me, and I look behind me and see her standing there.

I exhale, feeling my small smile, seeing her standing there, looking at us with those watery big blue eyes, and I hear that voice say, "Baby why you standing there not hugging me, making my heart hurt?"

I see her inhale, see her close those big dark blue eyes, see those tears coming down her pretty face, hearing her drop her things, and see her run in, going under me, feeling my smile, seeing my sister hug grandma around her waist, putting her face in her stomach, hearing her crying, hearing her say she's the only one left because her other grandparents died and she only met one, her granny who died when she was little, and she's the only one she has.

I exhale, trying to not cry more, feeling my smile seeing grandma hug my sister's head, holding her, and hear say, "No baby that's not how things work because I was always 'round, god just hadn't brought you to me, but I was always your grandma, always gonna be, no matter where I am, always be your grandma and you always be my baby, no matter if you got more family, you got me, and your mama, and your sister, and we got you, like I told you and I'ma keep reminding you 'til you know I never lie."

I exhale, seeing my sister nod into grandma's waist, and feel my smile seeing my grandma look up at my mom, seeing that smile that I remember from when I was little, inhaling, trying to not cry more, and hear that voice say, "I missed you mama."

I see my grandma inhale, see those green eyes shining with all those tears and that smile, and she says, "I missed you too baby and I wanna catch up on all that talk that's gonna be so much better when I can see your beautiful face in front of me but first you gotta introduce all these handsome men to an old lady that might just start thinking she did more than one good thing to be blessed with not only you baby, these two grandbabies, but mighty good looking sons-in-law."

I feel my mouth open, hearing no one talking I think, and hear a voice, that warm voice say, "Well, I'll go first seeing as I'm the closest to it, therefore consider myself the luckiest out of us three."

And I see dad step up to her, seeing my sister letting go of grandma's waist, turning around to look up at him, hearing her giggle as she's stepping aside, seeing that warm hand sticking out to shake grandma's hand, and I hear that laugh, that laugh I missed so much I feel a tear coming down, seeing my tiny grandma move in to hug him.

I exhale, seeing dad's so much bigger than her, seeing dad hugging her back, and know, seeing them, dad hugging her like that, hugging her with both arms, this is my favorite moment.

I inhale, sniffling, feeling that cloud under me, and hear that voice say, "And what was your least favorite part?"

I feel my smirk.

I open my eyes, hearing them, their cute snores, wondering if I snore a little, and I hear it, that thing, and I exhale.

I look over at them, feeling my eyebrow rise, not hearing it from them, that thing, thinking maybe I'm imagining things because I'm in this room, one of the two rooms that I was scared of when I was little, knowing now why I was scared of this room, not wanting to look up at that corner because that's where those dolls on the bookshelf are, those cute but really scary dolls I remember were the reason I slept in my grandma's room, and I hear that thing, that sound again.

I exhale, thinking maybe I'm just thirsty after eating all that food grandma made. I inhale, remembering she said she made all that food alone because my auntie was busy today and couldn't come help her but my auntie is coming tomorrow for breakfast. I remember we all got a little mad, saw my grandma laugh, and she said she did just fine cooking all that food by herself and she'd let us help making dinner every night if we wanted to, I think hearing everyone exhale, happy, and then we ate, a lot. We ate a lot. Even Huey with those greens grandma made I think just for him. Huey.

I look up, hearing that thing.

I get up, walking to the door, getting to it, opening it, closing it behind me quietly, walking down the hallway, remembering everything being so much bigger before, this hallway I would run around in when she said it was raining too hard outside for me to go outside, getting to that room, the living room.

And I exhale seeing that tall boy there, sitting up, reading with that flashlight.

I see him look up at me, see that cute smirk, feeling my smirk, and I walk up to him, seeing those eyes shining, hearing him turn off that flashlight, and I sit down next to him.

I look down at the book he just closed and see that book.

I exhale, feeling my smile, and say, "Bestie, did you wake up just to read the Qur'an again or," and I feel that hand on my chin, look up, and feel him kiss me.

I put my hands on him, touching that neck, kissing him, making him come down, biting him, hearing him say my nickname, moving up to kiss him more, and hear that sound.

I inhale, moving away, seeing those wide dark burgundy eyes.

I look over at the hallway and I see her, feeling my eyes get big.

I start, "Grandma, I'm sorry, I woke up and I heard something and I wanted to check on Huey but I came out here and," and I see that smile and I stop, seeing her laughing, covering her mouth.

I exhale, seeing her shaking her head, I think laughing more, and hear that voice say, "I apologize, it was my fault for not telling Jazmine to go back to her room."

I feel my mouth open, look over at him, see him looking at grandma, and I say, "Excuse me but I came out here on my own and I sat on this couch on my own and I," and I see that face turn to me, see him exhale, seeing him getting annoyed, making me annoyed thinking he thinks I can't make my own decisions, and I hear that giggle.

I look over at her, confused, see her exhale with that smile, and she says, "Babies, I don't mind one bit if you two wanna spend time 'lone with one 'nother, gosh, Bobby and I went off to be 'lone many a times just to be, just throwing rocks out there, talking 'bout our dreams, so don't you go thinking I ain't allowing that, like I allow all 'long as it's respectful, just like talking 'bout making sure you two know what you'll doing when you're alone and not starting no family too soon."

And now I know my mouth is really open, seeing my grandma smiling at us, feeling him moving a little next to me, maybe uncomfortable, knowing if the lights were on my face would be so red thinking grandma just said that, and hear that voice say, "We are being proactive, careful using the Depo-Provera shot that Jazmine gets every three months, the last being when we went the first week of August while we were in Chicago, and if she still wants to take it I'll be taking her at the end of October, or we can try other kind of birth control, including condoms which makes little difference to me as long as it's what she wants."

What?

I see her smile and she says, "Didn't expect no less son, just like your brother told me, and like I told him if you'll wanna spend time alone best you'll do it in the backyard but inside the porch where the screen can protect you from those mosquitos."

I blink, feeling that hand, feeling him pull me up, seeing my grandma smiling, feeling my body turning, and I start following those broad shoulders into the kitchen. I feel that warm kitchen floor with my feet, hearing my grandma giggling, getting to that screen door, and I step inside that room with screens around it, that gazebo Huey called it but I just call it the awesome porch room.

And I inhale, looking up, standing inside of this room, not remembering this, this awesome porch room being this bright when I would play in it, maybe because it was winter when I came last time and it was raining so I was inside the house a lot more.

I see the brightness from the night sky, holding that warm rough hand, the one that feels so soft right now, so happy, and know even if we just got caught kissing on the couch like that, at night, when I was supposed to be in the room asleep with my mom and sister, grandma just told us to come out here to spend time with each other alone, and I hear that monotone voice say, "You're sitting on my lap and I'm punishing you for not letting me take the blame."

I exhale, feeling that cloud under me, and hear that monotone voice say, "How was that your least favorite part?"

I feel my smirk, rolling my eyes, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and I say, "Because grandma walked in on us Huey."

I feel that cloud move, look over at him, see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and he says, "But grandma not only didn't mind but the next day she told us on Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings that room is ours so my brother and your sister can have it on the other weekdays, even if we were only going to be there for one entire week and one additional Tuesday."

I exhale, looking forward again, putting my head back down on that cloud, closing my eyes, just feeling that cloud, and hear that voice say, "Did it have to do with informing her about that part of our life, the one we're still exploring, how we're being responsible hormonal teenagers?"

I feel my smile, opening my eyes, seeing that darkness, feeling my face being so warm, hot, exhale, and I say, "A little, I guess, that and just having grandma walk in on us kissing when the last time I had seen her in person was when I was six yours old, but now I want to know something."

I inhale, feeling that lightness over me, and hear that voice say, "What was your favorite part?"

I feel my damn smile.

I swallow that carrot, considering ordering Louisiana-grown carrots online or possibly buying the seeds to grow them at home. That would also remove me from the government surveillance at the grocery store we go through when replacing vegetables in both our homes on a weekly basis. And I exhale, feeling that hand on my back, hearing them talking.

I hear him say, "Ain't even like that grandma, she look like it but Cin still too short to make real trouble so I gotta watch her."

I hear that giggle next to me, hear them laughing, feeling that warm hand on my back, possibly breathing into it, feeling my smirk hearing that slap behind his head, and hear Cindy say, "Damn Riles, grandma just saying I look strong, just more than video show her, but she ain't saying I look strong 'nough to make trouble or that you ain't gotta watch me."

I hear that laughing next to me, look up, feeling my smirk, seeing my brother looking down at Cindy with that damn smirk, knowing he's going to say something idiotic, and he says, "Short ass."

And I hear that laughing, shaking my head, knowing since we arrived yesterday I've heard their grandmother say a few words that I didn't imagine would come from a woman of her generation, possibly because I'm used to Aunt Cookie, but this woman did grow up here in the South in a different culture for all people, one where blacks had to cut their teeth in different ways in order to survive if they chose to stay and not move west or north, whether that was through religion or what some would call their tenacity and I choose to call their stubbornness, stubbornness she received in some way.

I look over at her, hearing her talk, hearing her say she wants to go out to that room I told her is called a gazebo and she childishly calls 'the awesome porch room,' and go down to that face.

I feel that soft cheek, see her look at me, see that smile, hearing everyone at the table talking still, and see her come up and kiss my nose.

I exhale, feeling my smile, feeling that damn sun coming through the window over her grandmother's sink, that sun that's going to be out all day when it's ninety degrees today with the added factor of that damn humidity, seeing that smile, that water in those eyes because she's happy, and I say, "I love you, less talking, more eating."

I see her roll those greens, knowing I'm having her sit next to me, at the very least, if she's not on my lap like she was last night, when we're out in that gazebo, seeing her turn that face to look at her plate, and hear that sound.

I exhale, knowing I'll be fixing that problem, hearing her grandmother getting up with Leo going after her, hearing him say he'll go with her to check who's knocking at the door, hearing the laughing at the table, and hear my brother call me.

I exhale, not wanting to turn away from that face I was watching eating that vegetarian sausage her grandmother says she purchased last week when Sarah told her Jazmine and I both prefer it over regular pork sausage, and I look over at my brother.

I see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised, see him exhale, and he says, "You wanna fix that for their grandma?"

I exhale, feeling my smirk, nod, and hear that voice say, "My daughters said you were both no longer spending any money while we're here so any fixings, including installing a doorbell to that front door, I will pay for and you can then install."

I inhale, hear my brother agree, and I exhale, hearing that giggle, hearing all of them, Jazmine, Sarah, and Cindy laughing, trying to figure out when the hell I let her and her family win like they do, and I hear another voice.

I look up, hearing that voice, and see a woman, a black woman with Jazmine's hair in black, the shape of Jazmine's eyes, and inhale seeing that face.

I exhale, seeing her smiling a smile that doesn't belong to Jazmine, Jazmine's smile that's being hidden from me, having heard her getting up from the table two seconds ago, seeing that blonde afro running to that woman, and hugging her, seeing that woman smiling at that face that I can't see right now, and she says, "My baby Jazzy haven't seen you in too darn long."

I inhale, seeing that face, and hear that voice say, "Auntie Suzie I," and I hear that inhale and look down at that blonde afro, getting up, and hear that woman say, "Now baby don't go crying before you'll introduce me to my new little niece and all these scrumptious men you'll got in this room."

I exhale, hearing that laughing, sitting back down, hearing that laugh, knowing Jazmine's fine for now, and I see Sarah walk up to them, knowing this is going to take some time.

After the introductions, being reminded their grandmother had said a niece of hers would be here today, everyone sitting back down, knowing I knew nothing about Jazmine, possible still don't, I hear Cindy say, "So now I knows where my Jazzy boo got those damn pretty freckles."

I exhale, hearing the laughing, knowing after seeing that woman's face I knew nothing about Jazmine, thinking she had gotten those freckles from that piece of shit's family, not from Sarah's, and hear that woman say, "Well 'course baby she got 'em from our family, got nothing from that man we ain't talking 'bout and I told my cousin to leave years ago, first time I heard from my aunt that he wasn't letting her call us, but no one ever listens to Aunt Suzie cuz she just the wild one that ain't ever gonna settle down 'less I meet a cousin or brother of yours Mr. Leo."

It's been seven seconds and no one's said a damn thing.

I exhale, hearing no one respond, not caring for the topic she brought up, and hear that voice say, "Ms. Suzie did you just say Jazzy got nothing from that pussy, you tol' Ms. S to drop his punk ass years 'go, and you wanna meet up with one of Leo's cousins all in one sentence?"

I look up from my plate, feeling my eyebrow rise, seeing that idiot confused look on my brother's face, and hear everyone at the table start laughing, feeling that hand on my jeans, and I exhale.

I look down at my plate, eating the last of the vegetarian sausage, and hear that woman say, "Sure did Riley, first, and I don't know how this all worked out but god sees to it I guess that Jazzy got those beauty marks from our family, second, I did write to my cousin years ago, told her she best leave that man that I heard from my aunt say she thought was the reason my cousin couldn't call no more, wouldn't let my niece come visit after that last time when I drove my aunt to the airport to pick her up, and third, yes, I need myself I man, want him to be a black man that knows what he wants, ain't have time to fool around and I want him to be scrumptious cuz ain't settling for anything less and I ain't doing not one more of those online dates my kids keep telling me to do, all the way from California, thinking they can tell me who I should go on dates with."

I look over at her, that woman, her aunt who has her hair in black, the shape of her eyes, and those freckles, the reason I'm starting to think I know nothing about Jazmine because I thought those freckles did not come from this family, feeling myself breathing knowing I'll never get tired of not knowing enough about her, feeling that hand on my leg, over my jeans, hearing the talking, and hear a voice say, "Suzette, I'm."

I look over at Sarah, see her inhale, see Leo put his hand on her shoulder, see her exhale possibly about to cry, and she says, "I didn't know you wrote to me, never got your letters, I'm sure I know why, and I'm so sorry I left so much up to you, to check on my mom, to help her when I was too afraid of, I'm just, Suzette, I'm."

I see her close her eyes and I exhale seeing her putting her head down.

I hear that chair move, holding that hand on my leg down, seeing that woman, their aunt, get to Sarah and hug her, hearing her say, "Baby don't cry, you know I ain't mad at you for not a darn thing and you know my aunt only lets me help her ever with her TV, her antenna, nothing big ever, and don't you worry cuz I just knew that man probably didn't let you see my letters but you here now and all you gotta do now is let me have these two babies and all these men visit me once a year and you always gotta come Sarah cuz life wasn't the same here without you, my life just ain't the same without your calls, never was, cuz I missed you."

I feel that head on my shoulder, that soft blonde afro on my arm, the one she received from this family, this black, creole, mix family, same with her eyes, the variations of those eyes, that skin tone, that face and smile, all from her grandmother, some from Sarah, those freckles possibly from her aunt, knowing she's everything she wants to be and exactly the right amount of what normalcy is for me, willing to give me that precise amount of more that I want. And, I like that tint on her cheeks.

I hear that sniffle, look down at that face, knowing how to see that tint appear, and I go down, and kiss that cheek.

I inhale, feeling myself breathing, feeling that lightness over me, and hear that voice say, "And what was your not-so-favorite part?"

I inhale.

I take that drink of water, knowing everyone is carrying water, and I look over at her.

I see her and her mother going through that rack, going through those shirts with the name of the county we're in and see my brother interject with that shirt with the name of the parish we're also in, seeing that confused look on his face, and I hear her say, "My baseball player makes my grandbabies smile and that's all I need."

And I see them start laughing at him, seeing him smirk at them after telling them he's getting two of those shirts because the parish name is 'some creole gangster shit.'

I exhale, feeling that arm, making sure to keep my arm down and in my pocket so she can use it, and I hear her say, "Thank you honey for walking this old lady."

I exhale, feeling her moving to the right, walking towards the right, knowing both my brother and Leo are with Jazmine, Sarah, Cindy, and their aunt in that clothing stand, very much like Jazmine and her friends did at the one in Woodcrest, one similar to the one we are at today but with fewer of those rides seeing as this one is possibly set up more so for families with younger children, possibly parents who want to spend money at those stands on pointless shirts, and older people, like the older black woman I'm walking with, older women who want to use this place to be out, walking, and I respond, "You don't have to thank me grandma."

I inhale, knowing that was the first time during this visit where I've called her that, directly, not through some video call, and I hear her say, "I know honey, knew it when we talked in that big phone you made for me, how both you and my sweet Riley were raised, with good values, coming from good upbringing, and good hearts, something that can only come from god and those spirits he uses to make those good hearts stay good no matter what evils be in this world, and both you and your brother got that, those good hearts, and that's why, not just cuz of what you both remind me of, wonderful things, but because of your good hearts, how you'll were raised with good values and wanna protect my babies so much, I'm even happier, seeing how my grandbabies found you two and you make 'em so happy honey, and that's why I'm gonna say thank you to you and your brother and now my sweet Leo, and you can't stop this old lady from doing just that, not after all you have done, you understanding honey?"

I exhale, looking over at her, knowing now where that unrealistic optimism possibly started, here, with this woman, and hear myself say, "Yes grandma."

I see that smile on her, walking with her to possibly another stand of pointless items she wants to see, stones she thinks have spiritual properties, things I don't believe in, and exhale, seeing that smile on her, the one that was passed down from this woman to Sarah and now to Jazmine, knowing if biology, science, which I do believe in, is correct and environmental factors do not change significantly, Jazmine will be even more beautiful as we age, something I understand I won't ever deserve, seeing that smile going away, stopping with her, seeing her exhale, and she says, "Good afternoon Chief Brooks, how's this good day treating you?"

I look over and inhale, looking down at a white man, possibly in the generation of the woman that's holding onto my arm, knowing what she called him, that title, and see him look over at me, feeling my eyebrow rise.

I see him inhale, seeing I've already angered him, feeling my smirk for some damn reason, see him lift his chin, and he says, "Just fine Serafina, just fine, but you know I don't like you calling me that on my day off and I'd like to know why you have this boy walking you 'round."

I inhale, moving up, and hear her say, "Honey, let me," and I feel that hand on my arm, possibly the reason I just stopped.

I see him exhale, not having stepped back, possibly because he's used to dealing with 'boys' like myself, ones he puts in handcuffs for looking his damn way or for breathing around him for too fucken long before he has one of those he has under him put their knee on our fucken neck.

I see him inhale and hear her say, "Chief Brooks you best stop looking at my grandson like that."

I see his eyes open, see him look at her with that fucken surprised look, and he says, "Serafina now I know you didn't just say that when little Sarah didn't have no sons, just had your granddaughter, thank the good lord one that reminds anyone that looks at her of you and not of that damn fella you let little Sarah run off with when I told you nothing good come from that damn union, not a damn good thing, only thing might've been that sweet granddaughter, but not another good thing, thankfully not having no more, specially no damn."

I see him look at me, see him exhale with that look of superiority, white fucken superiority, feeling myself move, feeling that hand on my arm, and he says, "Boys."

I exhale, waiting for him to call me what he wants to call me, and hear her say, "Didn't say nothing 'bout my baby being his mama, just said he's my grandson and you best not look at any of my grandbabies like that, like you know a darn thing 'bout them, if they should be with me or any place, cuz they belong to me and only me, you hear me Chief Brooks."

I see him look at her, see him exhale, seeing that fucken look, knowing that fucken look, that disgusting fucken look, looking at something he doesn't deserve but wants it anyways, putting my hand on that hand, and see him look up at me.

I exhale, waiting, waiting for him to say it, not caring what fucken title he has, specifically one that comes from the judicial system that continues to systematically kill and imprison brothers, and hear her say, "You tell your wife I send her my best."

I feel her move, looking over at her, and hear him say, "Serafina wait, won't you, please?"

I see her turn to that fucken racist asshole because that's what he is at this precise moment, see her exhale, and she says, "Chief Brooks we got nothing to talk 'bout, have a good," and I hear him say, "Thank you for sending those treats up to my son."

I see her exhale, see her nod, possibly seeing that soft look Jazmine gets when she feels 'bad' for someone, and she says, "No need to thank me, was making some of my ginger cookies and remembered they don't give sweets to people that stay there so had my niece take some with her next day she was gonna work so was no trouble at all."

I see that smile and she says, "Well, good day Chief Brooks."

I see her turn and hear him say, "Serafina just a minute will you, just minute 'lone with you?"

I inhale, feeling that hand on my arm, looking over at him, and say, "Not a damn second."

I see him look at me, feeling that hand on my arm, that squeeze hard enough, knowing the sign of fear, seeing that fucken racist asshole looking at me, feeling myself stepping up, and hear her say, "Honey please trust your grandma."

I exhale, giving her one minute, hearing her thank me, seeing that asshole look at her again, and I hear her say, "Chief Brooks there ain't nothing to talk 'bout, never was, never will be, you got your life, have your wife who you been with in a good ordained union since before you moved here, and I ain't telling you how to live but that's who you talk to, got nothing to talk to me 'bout."

I hear that asshole say, "But Serafina you're right, that's exactly why you in the right 'bout this, because you always been right, kind, forgiving, a good mother not only to little Sarah but to my son who we had to put up there for his."

I hear him exhale, looking over at him, see him inhale, possibly embarrassed if I cared enough, and he says, "Problems, and."

I feel that hand on my arm, hearing her exhale, and he says, "You send him something, something kind and generous, don't go missing a month without sending him something, I know you do cuz I ask if he gets anything that ain't coming from me, because his mother."

I see him inhale and he says, "She don't visit him, don't send him a thing, too busy she says with what she does for the town, but you do, you," and I hear her say, "And I do it cuz all children need that, need to be cared for, no matter what bad things they did to be in that place, cuz all that ain't no one's fault but the stock they come from, that's why he's there."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "You right, it's cuz I pushed him to take my place and he started down that path, going down to the city to get those drugs from."

I see him look at me, see him inhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, and he says, "Those people that sold those to him, to my son, those people that got him hooked on those bad drugs."

I exhale, not caring, and I look over at her.

I see that look, that damn look that comes from her, where she feels 'bad' for a fucken idiot, and she says, "Now Chief Brooks you know you can't be blaming people he got those from when he was a grown man and went down there himself, darn it, he was 'bout same age you were when you moved here and."

I see her stop, feeling my eyebrows lower, feeling that hand on my arm, seeing that look of fear, and I say, "Let's go."

I see her nod, see her turn, and hear him say, "Serafina let me talk to you, let me talk to little Sarah, tell you I wasn't right when I was a young man, and she."

And I see her turn to him, see her step up, holding down that arm, and she says, "You ain't got nothing to talk to my baby 'bout, not a damn thing you hear me, and don't you think cuz you ever see me scared I won't kill a man for getting near my babies to hurt 'em."

I inhale and say, "Let's go."

I see her nod, see her turn, and hear him say, "I wanted to, wanted to make it right, I did, but," and I see her shoulders come down, and hear her say, "But you didn't, didn't say a thing, not when none of that happen, not when those people called me those names because I didn't have no husband, was just another colored woman to those folk at your wife's church, remembering you standing there when I was walking home from getting my mama's medicine, those women calling me those names and you not saying anything," and I hear him say, "I tried Serafina, tried to help you but you wouldn't take no help," and I hear her say, "Cuz no one asking you for money, not one damn person, not me or my baby, and you stay 'way from my baby, my daughter who I raised and you ain't deserve to know, my grandkids who owe you not a damn thing, even less any respect, cuz we never asked you for no money, so you stay 'way from my babies or by god…"

I feel myself look over at him, remembering all she said during that first phone call, that occurrence, when I met her, when she told us about a time in her life, seeing that racist asshole, a white officer, a Chief, not knowing the details, what his position might have been back when she told us she went through that occurrence, knowing regardless of his position back then he was white, looking at her grandmother like that, like he deserves her because he just does, knowing enough seeing that he is white, the blond hair in between the white hair, and those damn eyes, those eyes that remind me of Jazmine's mother, the ones that must've been looking at her when she came to, the ones that are looking at me with that fear, and I squeeze that neck.

I see him inhale, feeling the hit on my arm, and hear that voice telling me to let go, to please let go, hearing her calling me son, and I release my hold.

I see him move back, hearing voices, voices I could not give two flying fucks about, about his position, seeing him holding his neck, possibly trying to breathe, looking at me like that, and he says, "Boy you know who I am!"

I feel my smirk, moving up, and feel those arms going around my torso, those long arms, and I hear her tell me to calm down and that she's here.

I exhale, seeing him inhale, possibly looking at those arms around me, possibly getting angrier, hearing other voices, and I look over at her, hearing her call me son.

I see those eyes, see her looking at me, and I nod and tell her I'm fine.

I exhale, knowing this is not my place, knowing those eyes, the ones that look too similar to this fucken racist piece of shit, those fucken eyes that didn't show enough fear five seconds ago, and hear him say, "Everything's fine folks, go back to your families, ain't nothing happening here."

I feel those hands on my stomach, feeling myself breathing, seeing my brother next to Jazmine's mother, and I exhale, hearing that fucken asshole talking.

I look over at him, see him looking to my left, see him smile, and he says, "Little Sarah, been wanting to," and I hear that voice say, "Gene you hurt me 'nough and I done nothing but be good to your family, so give me that same respect, and let me live in peace."

I see him look at her, see him inhale, and he says, "Serafina that's damn 'nough, happen years ago and I got a right," and I hear another fucken voice say, "Pops what's going on over here?"

I look over, feeling my eyebrow rise, trying to calculate how fast I can take that gun from his holster, and hear that fucken piece of shit say, "Nothing son, you go back to your family."

I inhale, feeing that head going under my left arm, the one that belongs to her, feeling that hand on my right arm, the one that belongs to her grandmother, seeing him, his son possibly, if I cared enough to know, looking to my left, see him smile, knowing this is only getting worse, and he says, "Well ain't this a good day, haven't seen you in 'bout ten maybe fifteen years Sarah and you still just as pretty as a spotted horse in a daisy pasture."

I exhale knowing it has gotten worse and I hear Sarah say, "Why thank you John, it's nice to see you too, hope we can catch up soon but right now I need to take care of my mom. Mama are you okay?"

I look over at her, see her smile at Sarah, and she says, "Sure am baby, but I'm gonna need to go sit for a minute."

And I hear him, the one that just compared Sarah to a large four-legged mammal, say, "Ms. Serafina if you ain't feeling well I can walk you to the tables they got under them magnolias."

I inhale, looking over at that piece of shit I do not like for reasons I yet don't fucken know, and I say, "She doesn't need your damn help."

I see him look up at me, see his chin rise, seeing that look, understanding why I don't fucken like him, because the apple doesn't fall far from the racist fucken tree, feeling my chin rise, and hear that voice say, "Thank you John but I can have my grandson walk me over and you tell your mother I send her my best."

I see him look at her, see him exhale, and hear that voice say, "Serafina we ain't done," and I hear her say, "We done Chief Brooks, ain't got nothing to talk 'bout, let's go son."

I exhale, feeling that hand grab my hand, pulling me, seeing that blonde afro walk in front of me, feeling that hand let go, and see her walk over to her grandmother's other side, putting her arm out, and hear that voice say, "Grandma can I help?"

I see her look over at Jazmine, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "'Course baby but want all my babies to come with me, let's all go sit on those pretty tables church folk set up for us."

I start walking, taking her away from this shit, and hear that asshole say, "By way Ms. Serafina, thank you for being so good to my brother sending him those treats and what other good things you always be sending, he mighty appreciates it, being such a good mother to us all these years."

I look over at them, see them standing next to each other, seeing them looking at me with that possible disgust on them, the one I want to fucken punch, several times, until they're both bleeding on the grass of this fair, and I see that face walk in front of them, the one that has the color of their eyes, those damn eyes, see her walk over holding Cindy's hand, hearing her excuse herself, and I follow them, letting Jazmine's grandmother hold on to my arm, hearing my brother and Leo behind us with Jazmine's aunt in between them, continuing to walk away from those two racist fucken assholes, disgusting for many fucken reasons, one that should be in prison or preferably dead, because based on my assumptions he deserves it, trying to remember why we're here, to spend time with her family and possibly to have more of what Jazmine childishly calls my 'favorite parts' and I immaturely also call my 'favorite parts.'

I exhale, hearing that voice again, feeling myself breathing, feeling that lightness over me moving, and I look down.

I see that face, hearing her ask me again if I'm okay, and I go down, kissing that face, and say, "I'm fine."

I inhale, feeling her moving away, seeing that look, that damn worried look, and she says, "Were you thinking about what happened at the fair? Was that your not-so-favorite part?"

I exhale and see that small smile, feeling that lightness over me, over my right arm, possibly her weight, knowing that's not scientifically possible, seeing that worried look on that face, wanting to move on from this topic, and say the truth, "Yes but I don't want to talk about it."

I see her come up, feeling that body, knowing where we are, safe, more or less, feeling her kissing my face, knowing I can close my eyes because of where we are, and I hear that voice say, "Huey I know."

I open my eyes, see her, that face surrounded by that crown, seeing those eyes she received from her black grandmother, and say, "Jazmine."

I see those eyes look away from me, bringing my hand up from that hip, grabbing that chin, making her look at me, and see that water in those eyes.

I inhale and say, "Tell me."

I see that tear, moving my thumb over that soft face, taking that tear away, seeing that small smile, and she says, "Huey it was kind of easy, you know, remembering what grandma told us that day, about that night, when she was."

I see her inhale, feeling that shaking, feeling the skin on her back become cold, remembering she can say it, voice it now, but possibly not when it's about someone this close to her, knowing it needs to be voiced for this conversation to continue, and I say, "You can say assaulted."

I see her exhale, see her nod, knowing that was possibly as close as she can say someone close to her was raped, something that can happen to all people, but it's black and brown women, what this country calls 'ethnic' women as well, like Hiro's sister, that are not believed when they say it happens, that are told it was possibly their fault, that the things they did led to them being raped, because of the clothes they wore that night, because they chose to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or because they were walking home at night, reached their gate in front of their house, and a white man knocked them out, carried them into the woods somewhere and raped them, and all of it was the black woman's fault and the police wouldn't help her.

I inhale, feeling that hand on my face, seeing that small smile, and she says, "So I know, it was that Chief that did it, and after that happened at the fair I knew why when I had seen him he was looking at us, mostly at my mom, and I remembered his eyes, those baby blue eyes, not just how white he is and his yellow hair, really yellow, like my mom's, like his son's hair and eyes, like their family's I think, with those baby blue eyes, I just knew."

I see her exhale, putting my hand back down on that lower back, bringing her up, feeling that lightness over me, and she says, "But then I remember what grandma said, that she didn't want to think about those bad things, the things that happened back then, and I think really."

I see her inhale, possibly looking at my chin, and she says, "I think my mom knows, I do, but she doesn't want to talk about it or do anything about it even if she's an attorney and she knows what to do because she maybe wants to do what grandma wants, you know, wants grandma to have a peaceful life, not remember that stuff, and just wants to make grandma happy, at least I think that's what my mom is doing because we haven't talked about it, we just kept having fun after what happened that day, and I thought it was maybe because my mom didn't want to talk about it in front of grandma, but we still haven't talked about it, even when grandma was busy and wasn't around, and I think we're not gonna talk about it until my mom says something, but she's never really talked about that, who that man was, the one she didn't know because grandma raised her, and I don't want her to talk about it, not until she wants to because that's stuff that hurts grandma and if it hurts grandma then it hurts my mom."

I exhale and say, "Jazmine."

I see her look up at me, see that smile, that one where she's trying to hide those feelings, and I say, "If your mother places grandma on the pedestal you place your mother on, something I don't usually agree with seeing as every person, other than fucken disgusting assholes, should view all other persons as equals, but I agree with you on this one case because of the amount of character both your mother and grandma have, then your mother will probably wait until this no longer affects grandma, and then, if that piece of shit is still alive, she'll make sure he dies in prison."

And I feel my eyebrow rise feeling her move up, inhaling feeling that lightness over my chest now, and she says, "I still don't believe in the death penalty but I do think after what he made grandma feel, what he made her go through because that was his fault, not telling people what he did, letting those people call her those names, doing that to someone that's as good as grandma, even after she's been good to his sons, taking one of them cookies every month or socks she knit my grandma said because he's in a place that helps people that are crazy, after how good grandma is he should've said it, didn't have to say he assaulted her but at least say that it was his baby, but he still didn't just tell people, even now, at least so those people that called her names will know they were wrong, they were all wrong, and grandma was and is a really honest and good woman, like I wanna be, just like her and my mom, like I know my sister is gonna be, my friends, I also know I never want anyone to hurt them, to hurt my mom like Tom did, like he did to that lady that night, to hurt my grandma like Chief Brooks did, so I know one day they are gonna be put away in prison and right now I just need to make sure my mom and grandma and my sister and my friends are safe and happy, and I'm gonna make sure I keep doing that because."

I taste those lips, smelling her, feeling those arms around me, those curls over my face, and I move her over, moving that lightness so it's under me, covering it.

I inhale, feeling her, that lightness, under me, in this bed, in this house, where it should be, where the alarm is on high alert, it has been since we arrived yesterday, not knowing what everyone decided, not caring, stepping into my room, having put my things down, seeing my bed, knowing what I wanted, knowing she was in her house, possibly putting her things down in her room.

I had turned around, walked out of my room, walked to my front door, opened the door, and I saw her, standing there, wearing that tight pink T-shirt, those light blue jeans, those black converse, everything she had been wearing when we arrived and we helped them bring their things into their house, basic clothing making her look gorgeous, looking at me with that intensity, an intensity that made me get harder, and I felt her kiss me.

I had felt those arms around me, felt her move up, those legs around my hips, putting my hands on that ass, turning around, hearing the door close, not caring, tasting her, and I walked us back to my room, feeling that warmth over my dick between those thighs, closing my door, knowing the alarm would turn on in one hour, putting her down on my bed, feeling those hands on my jeans, tasting her, feeling those hands moving my jeans down, and I felt that hand grab my base.

I knew I wasn't going to fucken last, feeling my precum, and I felt that squeeze around my base, feeling that small hand, possibly hearing myself say what I wanted, and heard that voice in my ear say, "I want you to come on my hand baby and then I'm getting on top of you."

I felt myself finish on that hand.

Then I took those jeans off, saw those underwear, getting hard enough, not seeing anything but those red strings, those triangles, feeling the floor with my knees, and I tasted her, hearing her say my name, feeling those hands in my hair, closing my eyes to enjoy it, knowing I get to enjoy things today, tasting her, feeling her shaking, possibly a second time, feeling her moving back, opening my eyes, seeing those thick thighs on my bed, those strings under her no longer obstructing me from what I wanted, and I moved back in, tasting her, wanting to taste the smoothness of that surface, smelling her, and tasting that nub again, that soft nub that's different from anything I've had, swallowing that taste, feeling the shaking, hearing her voice getting louder, at the octave I want to hear her saying my name, pushing in to have more because I'm selfish with her, only her, pushing in.

I hear her say it, that clear, precise answer, going back in, into that tightness, that tightness I've only felt three 'rounds' since we started after waking up tonight, having taken a nap after however many times we made love yesterday, wanting to go in deeper, telling her, and I feel those legs move up.

I exhale, again, moving in, slower, knowing I might last this time at this pace, moving out, slower, hearing that voice in my ear say, "Harder."

Shit baby.

I slam into her, knowing I'm not going to fucken last, not caring, not giving a fuck, and say, "Fuck I'm not gonna fucken."

And I feel those legs around my hips, stopping me, shaking, tasting her, hearing her breathing, breathing, relaxing, moving in slower, again, needing to slow down, moving out, breathing, tasting her, feeling her under me, moving back in, breathing, opening my eyes, and exhale, seeing her under me, where she belongs, where I can protect what's mine, moving back in, feeling my toes curling around that tightness, seeing that perspiration on that forehead, seeing that Egyptian green staring up at me knowing my life was not going in this direction, it wasn't, I did not plan this, this was not part of the plan, moving back out, and say the truth, "I love you."

I see that smile, see that face come up, and I taste her, hearing her say it, not enough, that she loves me, knowing me, the callousness I am, the coldness I am when she's not near and even at times when she is near, waiting, waiting for her to touch me, to make me feel that cleanliness she creates, reminding me I am a good person, because she believes it and because she lets me have her like this, so it must be true, I am a good person, moving back out of that tightness, shaking, and hear her tell me lay down.

I push back in, tasting her, shaking, not caring how long this last because I'll be hard again soon enough with her sleeping next to me wearing nothing if she allows it, and I hear her say it again, "Please baby, lay down, you're tired, please."

I exhale and say, "Only some baby, I'm fine."

I inhale, breathing, moving back out, being in that place I want to stay in, wanting things, this, and I hear that voice say, "Let me take care of you my strong Huey, please baby lay down."

I exhale, shaking, tasting her, feeling that slim back with my hands, sitting up, and inhale, wanting her here.

Fuck.

I kiss her, knowing we have time, and I need to calm down and not think about how her being here, over me, with those strong legs around me, sitting up, feels.

I feel those arms around me, feeling her kissing my face, being here, exhale, and say the truth, "Fuck I want you here."

I feel those kisses on my forehead and hear her say, "Okay but first let me be on top of you before I flip you over and make you get under me."

I inhale, remembering I've never cared what side of the bed is the head or the foot of the bed, moving back down, bringing that back with me, tasting her, and I lay down.

I exhale, feeling her moving away, opening my eyes, seeing those greens, that crown, that damn moonlight that makes her look like some kind of deity, feeling those thick legs on my sides, the ones I'm holding, seeing that smirk on those full lips, feeling myself moving down on the bed, hearing her inhale, and I hear that voice say, "You didn't let me be on top of you until now so I'm punishing you."

I feel my eyebrow rise, mildly confused, feeling those hands over mine, feeling her grabbing my hands, and say, "Jazzy what are you," and I hear her say, "Punishing you, now be good and listen Huey."

I exhale, letting her guide my hands up, moving them back, over my head, inhaling feeling that tightness moving up my dick with her moving my arms back behind my head, seeing that face come down, feeling those nipples on my chest, smelling that hair on my face, seeing those Egyptian greens over me, feeling those long fingers going through mine, the bedsheets with my knuckles, and I hear that voice say, "I need you to have self-control my Huey, I need you to keep your hands there, right here," and I feel those warm hands turning my hands towards the bedsheets, feeling the edge of the mattress, feeling those long fingers pressing my fingers over the mattress.

I inhale, having that self-control, remembering I do have self-control, holding onto the edge of the mattress, feeling those hands moving down my arms, down to my chest, seeing her sit up, feeling that tightness at my base again, and I inhale as much air as there is in this damn room seeing those small hands moving up that soft stomach, following those hands, seeing them moving up, and I see her grab those breasts, the ones that taste like her, those soft breasts that are spilling out of those small hands, feeling the mattress in my hands, seeing those breasts she's squeezing, watching her doing that, squeezing those breasts, feeling that tightness moving up my dick, watching her use those thin fingers to squeeze those nipples, knowing I'm in that place, feeling that tightness moving back down to my base, feeling bedsheets in my hands, hearing her say my name, possibly shaking, knowing I'm there, watching her, feeling that tightness going up, that tightness coming back down my dick, seeing those thin fingers squeezing those nipples, hearing her voice, seeing that hand moving up, seeing it get to that long neck surrounded by that crown with that face looking up, seeing that neck she's squeezing, feeling clothing in my hands, hearing her say she's coming, knowing I've been there, here, in this place, holding onto something soft, clothing, feeling her, not thinking about anything, not a single fucken thing but her, watching her squeezing that breast and that long neck, watching her, a deity, knowing the world is a fucken mess somewhere but I couldn't fucken give two shits because that mess is pitiful compared to what we have here, wherever here is, whatever home this is, watching a deity, loving every moment, knowing after college, saving up for a home, careers, if I have children, if I do, it'll be after making love to her, watching her, feeling that release from knowing there is nothing wrong with this world.

I inhale, feeling it, that warmth and lightness in my hands, safe, content, happy, and hear it again.

I exhale, opening my eyes, seeing that moonlight, having the lingering feeling, feeling it, knowing what it is, being able to decipher the difference in those feelings better today, the one when I have found something that shouldn't be where it is, the one of that disgusting piece of shit, and the last one, the one of everyone else, the fucken idiots that want her, holding her, knowing she wants to be here, after her day today with her sister and friends, sleeping over for only those two nights, the Wednesday night the first day we arrived, the next day on Thursday, not sleeping over last night because she wanted to spend her Friday night with her mother and sister, and then finally sleeping here tonight, hugging her, hearing it, that lingering vibration, knowing what it is, knowing I could set up a process where only her grandmother and her family and friends can come through using that phone number but.

Shit. Chicago. The times she said she gave her phone number to several individuals possibly to contact her to ask her for advice on those children.

I exhale, closing my eyes, knowing I can deal with that when it's in front of me, hugging what's mine, being happy, and I hear it, feeling that body move.

Damn. It's affecting her.

I open my eyes, looking over at that drawer, seeing that light, hearing her breathing, and I move back, watching her, seeing that face, seeing I didn't disturb her sleep, seeing those lips, seeing her breathing in those right amounts, moving off the bed, knowing I'll be back in less than ten seconds to continue enjoying this night where we didn't make love, we watched CNN, talked about the platforms, some new arrests, posts that made her happy where people were talking about the information we gathered in Chicago, possibly some saying they would be using those tactics in their own neighborhoods, seeing that smile, knowing it was all worth it, and I hear it.

I exhale, walking over to that drawer, feeling that lingering feeling, remembering that African man in Chicago that said something about me having extra sensitive abilities, not necessarily caring about what he said but being open to the possibility today, knowing if I do have those abilities it comes from my awareness of this world, how it functions, that although correlation does not mean causation there is some event that caused a result even if we're wrong on what particular event, why I felt that feeling, possibly because of my awareness, not because of some extra sensitive ability, but just my awareness that she did go to the mall today, why I knew her going with her sister and friends, even if only some knew we were back, would lead to this, these fucken messages.

I inhale, reading the text messages.

Dewey Jenkins: Jazmine. It's me. You know who. Know you not up but was thinking bout you.

Dewey Jenkins: Saw you at the mall. Didn't bother you cuz knew you were chillin. Wanna say you look good and my mom wants your number.

I exhale, seeing that number, knowing, using that lame ass fucken excuse to message her from this phone number. His mother wanting to have her phone number. Messaging her for that in the middle of the fucken night from any number. When do I get to kill him?

And I feel those arms going around my torso, feel that heavy head on my back, and hear that voice ask me why I'm up.

I exhale and say the truth, "I felt something, woke up, and now I'm going through your phone, finding that piece of shit messaging you, not letting you relax for an entire week before he's intruding in our life, fucken piece of shit."

I hear her say in between her yawn, "But I blocked him bestie."

I exhale and say, "You did but these messages are coming from Dewey's phone number."

I hear that exhale and hear her say, "Wait, I don't get it. What's Dewey texting me this late about where you're so mad you called him that?"

I exhale, wanting to block that phone number, and say, "That piece of shit is using Dewey's phone to message you, probably knowing you unblocked Dewey's phone number some time ago."

I hear that inhale, putting the phone down, knowing I want to block it, find out where the phone is right now, go there, beat him, but I trust her and I'd rather, selfishly, be here, and I hear her say, "We did see Dewey today, you know that, and we told him we didn't want people knowing we were here but if they are best friends maybe he made Dewey tell him, maybe even made Dewey let him use his phone to send those texts, but I still like Dewey and I don't think he would do it unless he had to or who knows, maybe Dewey doesn't even know that Cairo's using his phone right now."

I exhale, hearing her, and say, "Don't say his name."

I hear that inhale and hear her say, "Are you seriously telling me to not say another guy's name, after everything Huey, a guy that doesn't matter to me?"

I turn around, looking down at those greens, seeing those lips, and I kiss her.

I taste her, moving my hands to that lower back to take off that small shirt, and I feel her move away.

I inhale, seeing her looking at me like that, and I say, "Jazmine."

I see her inhale and she says, "What's her name?"

I exhale, confused, possibly annoyed, and say, "Jazmine?"

I see her exhale, seeing that focused look, making me feel nervous, and she says, "The girl from Chicago, the one that was outside of Aunt Cookie's house the night before we left, the one that wants to marry you because of money that no one cares about and because you're hot, what is her name Huey, tell me."

I exhale and say, "It doesn't," and she says, "Or I'll go home Huey, not because I'm threatening you because I know you don't like that but because you're not talking about something dumb, a dumb girl that means nothing to you, what is her name?"

I inhale, feeling those hands on my back, going under my shirt, and hear that whiny voice say, "Please Huey, don't close up, please."

I exhale and say, "Dolores Andrews, heir to the Andrews fortune, one twentieth of the fortune of my mother's family, with connections to my mother's family, a girl who will probably stay in that family one way or another and I want nothing to do with."

I see her exhale, feeling those small nails digging into my back, putting my hands under that small shirt, on that soft back, and I hear her say, "And what are the names of the two girls I have to deal with at school, not the ones that look at you and don't do anything but leave dumb letters in our lockers, giving me dirty looks whenever they see me, but the ones that don't hide that they like you, looking at you, the ones that have money and are probably the most popular girls at our school that can have most guys but still want you or your brother and your friends only because you're all good looking, specially you, the girls I had to deal with last year for an entire year, what are their names?"

I exhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, feeling the sides of those breasts, licking my lips, and say, "I believe one is called Karen and the other one is called Karen number two."

I see that smile, seeing her giggle, feeling my smile, and she says, "Huey, it's Ashley McNeil and Michelle Darlington okay and I don't care if you say their names, I do care if you say Dolores's name a little only because she is connected to that family, but I just remind myself whenever I think about those girls, see them, have to deal with them, or hear you talk about them, even if it's just to make fun of them not remembering their names, I remind myself that they don't matter to you, that you don't see them, you don't see color, you just see good and sick people, you don't see how those girls look at you or maybe you do but you don't care, I don't know, but I do know that they don't matter to you so no matter how I feel about those girls, all girls, completely white and black girls that have money and are pretty and can have any guy they want but they want you, even if they have boyfriends, they still want you, that they don't matter to you and I shouldn't get jealous, like I told you to do here in this room, to not get jealous of me saying any guy's name, even Cairo's, because I'm never gonna say his name more than yours, ever, now I want to go down on you so I can hear you say my name so lay down."

I kiss her and say, "No."

I hear her inhale, feeling her moving away, seeing her open that mouth to protest I'm sure, and I go down, and I bite that shoulder, hearing her moan my name instead.

I exhale, licking that shoulder, and say the truth, "I want to hear you say my name in my ear, as loud as you want, letting me be inside of you, between those thick thighs where I belong, saying the only name that matters when I'm in that place."

I feel those fingers go over my dick, over my shorts, wondering why the hell we're still wearing clothes, and I hear her say, "Yes Huey."

I inhale, biting that neck, feeling her grab my base, and say, "Yes Jazzy."

I exhale into that neck, smelling it again after making love twice, not once, but two times, not knowing where he gets the energy, where I get it, and I feel that hand squeeze my leg.

I lay back down onto that chest and say, "I love you."

I feel that squeeze again and hear that monotone voice say, "I love you too. What time are we leaving?"

I laugh, moving my face over that chest, feeling that cloud I've been on since we got back, maybe because I missed making love for two months or maybe because it's always felt like this, like being on a cloud, when I'm with him after making love, and I say, "Ten baby and I know we slept for two hours before waking up and we should still sleep for another four hours before we have to get up, so we'll get six hours of sleep."

I hear that exhale, hearing that cute laugh, hugging him, hugging what's mine and only mine, and I hear him say, "That's not how sleep works Jazmine, we will only truly get two and a half hours of actual rest since it takes," and I roll my eyes and say, "I know, it takes an hour and a half to get to that REM sleep, what you say is real sleep, I know bestie."

I feel that slap, feeling my mouth open, knowing he just slapped my butt, and I hear him say, "Yes and you don't make up that time from sleeping hours before or any other night's sleep, you only create a full night of sleep from not waking up for an entire seven to eight hours, and in actuality we need more sleep because of our age, approximately eight to nine hours of sleep."

I exhale and say, "I know because teenagers are supposed to sleep that much because they're growing, I know bestie, I know."

And I feel that slap again, feeling my eyes open, and I hear him say, "Stop being cute or I'll get on top of you again."

I inhale, thinking about that, feeling my eyebrow rise, thinking about that, how I'm laying on top of him, facing him, laying on my stomach, thinking about him getting on top of me right now, and I say, "Like how I am right now?"

I hear him inhale and I look up at him.

I see that smile, feeling my exhale at how beautiful he is, and he says, "Although that sounds enticing I think I'll need some rest, maybe ten minutes, before we can try that."

I can't help it, seeing that smile, that big smile on him, how cute he looks, thinking he still wants to make love, again, with me laying like this and him on top of me, making love another time, in a different 'position' I think people call it, a position we've never done, wanting to make love a third time tonight, and I start laughing.

I exhale, putting my face on that chest, and say, "Bestie I think we need to rest because we have a big day tomorrow, so happy we're gonna have fun seeing them, knowing we all missed them so much, and I know no matter what I say and no matter what they tell you you're gonna do something there, check the schedules or do something and you're gonna be tired by the end of the day, so let's go to sleep and we can, you know, try that next time, promise."

I hear that exhale and hear him say, "You don't have to promise," and I exhale and say, "I want to Huey. I want to try everything with you, everything and anything, and we are, but I want to take care of you first, and I know how you are, how you only asked what time we're leaving because you're that tired, tired enough you didn't remember we're waking up at nine, our friends are meeting us here to have breakfast, and then we're all going to the shelter in dad's car to hang out with the kids and for you and Riley to see how things have been going there these last two months, I know, and I know you said Mr. Willis and Frank and Monica want to talk to you and Riley 'briefly' when we're there but I know that will probably turn into an hour or longer and then you'll still want to go through the schedules, the bills, the money for the shelter, Riley will probably go through the storage room, go through what's been donated, what they need to buy because it wasn't donated, even if Riley said he doesn't want the title of Donation Supervisor and Monica said he doesn't have to take it but he is taking the raise if he wants the responsibilities, forcing Riley to take the raise even if he said he just wants to help more and didn't care about the raise or the title, reminding me of how alike you two are, and all of that is going to be a lot for both of you, because you're still gonna want to play with the kids even after that, so I want to take care of you and make you sleep now so you can at least get those two and half hours of rest, have the energy for tomorrow, make you rest tomorrow night so you can have energy for the first day of school, and then later, hopefully, we can try that other stuff, you know, new things we haven't tried in our sex life, okay? Now for tomorrow I already have my alarm set, I'll wake you up when I'm done in the bathroom, and you should go to sleep now. I love you. Goodnight."

I exhale, closing my eyes, hugging him, naked, not caring that we don't have our clothes on, knowing he just needs to go to sleep and we can put on clothes in the morning, hearing him breathing, excited about tomorrow, wanting to be with everyone, knowing it's going to be so much fun, happy about it, and I hear that monotone voice say, "I lose track of things, times, events, after making love to you, because they don't matter, and."

I feel my eyes open, seeing that moonlight coming through those white pretty curtains, and I hear him say, "I also don't feel as callous, as cold, mechanical, right now, or in general when you're near, and."

I hug him, letting him talk, seeing those curtains, hearing him exhale, and hear him say, "I like that in some ways, that when I lose track of things, you don't, you remind me of times, events, responsibilities, setting me back on track, helping me focus on goals, whereas before I only knew we had to sleep, but I didn't know what for, what was that damn important that we needed to sleep, I just knew we had responsibilities the next day, not necessarily always things I wanted to take part in, like that institution we have to begin attending again on Monday, but still, you reminded me we had responsibilities that needed to be taken care of, but now."

I exhale, feeling my small smile, thinking I can see little particles Huey calls them, those little atoms or particles or sparkles in the night air, and I hear him say, "Now I don't want things to end, most things, most events, I don't want them to end, as in I don't get enough of them, enough of nights, days, events, and I want them to continue on, going from one good, fulfilling event to another with no need for sleep, for rest, knowing tomorrow will be a good day, because you'll be there, my brother will be there, your family, friends, people that mean something to us, alive, as healthy as they are, will be there, and then we'll all come home and have that dinner grandad wants to have with everyone because it's the first Sunday we're all back, because he's possibly happy and he wants to cook for everyone, knowing your mother will probably bring over something I can eat, but while we are there, at the shelter, tomorrow, no matter how busy I am, at two o'clock, before they serve dinner, regardless of the amount of kids there, I want us to take them all to that ice cream shop, then the park, and I need you to remind me of that, and going back to an earlier topic from days ago, the one of your mother and grandma, if they speak to you about that, either that worthless piece of scum in Louisiana or the one I know is in New York today, the one the police and your mother cannot do anything about because they couldn't determine if it was him in that video, but we all know it was, we all do, including that Lieutenant who sent him a warning telling that disgusting piece of shit that there was an incident at your home and it's being investigated, if your mother comes to you with information on any of that, even though I know she would come to me too, I want you to tell me all of it, I need you to, because I want to know, I want to take care of you, not only because you make me happy but because today, regardless of my own loss, my life is exceptional, and it's because of you. I love you. Goodnight Jazzy."

I exhale, closing my eyes, sniffling, hugging him, shaking from the happiness, feeling a kiss on my head, and say it, what's in my heart, "Always bestie, I love you, sweet dreams."

Hi everyone,

As things progress there will be more info on Louisiana, promise.

Also, I'm in Chicago right now. I took the 3-1/2 hour drive here to just get a hotel and relax. Just a weekend. It's freezing, but it's because it's the middle of February of course.

Thank you all for reading. Review if you can. If not, just enjoy.

-Bulma's Ego.