POV: Alex

"Dr. Sherman?" I said. Her eyes pondered mine, wondering what absurd question I would ask this time. It was a simple one really, in fact, it wasn't really a question. "I think I'm gay."

Her eyebrows raised. "Where's this coming from?"

"Or...I don't know. I've never felt like this before...towards anyone."

"Is there anyone specific? Or is it just guys in general?"

I sighed, pictures of Steven floating in my head. "It's my friend, Steven." Dr. Sherman nodded and her ears listened intently. "I just find it weird, because I've never felt like this before. I even thought about kissing him last night, but I felt like that would've been too sudden. We've known each other for a while, but not for that long, so it just didn't feel right." I put my hand on my head, fearing the upcoming headache that all these emotions brought. "I don't even know what I'm feeling."

"Ok, well, what do you like about him?" she said.

I sat up on the bed. "Well, there's his smile, his personality...basically everything, I like everything about him."

"Well, that really narrows it down doesn't it?"

"I don't know, I just feel...happy when I'm around him." My tail began to wag as I thought of him.

Dr. Sherman chuckled. "Remember what happened with Jordan? You should tell him how you feel, even if you think it's too soon."

"I don't know, I mean, he came out to me a couple of months ago. But I don't think he likes me like that, you know? He called me his best friend, which is nice...but-"

"But you want it to be more than that." Dr. Sherman interrupted.

"Yeah-and it's not like I can tell my parents, I don't know how they would react...and as much as I like to think I've forgiven Dad. I still have this tiny fear that he'll reject me again, I just don't trust them with this. That's why I told you."

She stood up, and I wondered if it was time for her to finally go. "I'm glad you told me. Look, if you really do like Steven, you should tell him. You don't have to tell him everything, but toss the idea out there. See where it goes from there." My ears flattened and she laughed again. "I hope you realize this is a good thing."

"Do you really have to go?" I said.

Dr. Sherman looked off to the side and sighed, her eyes low to the floor. "If I had all the time in the world, I would spend it with you." She turned to look at me and smiled. "It doesn't seem like you'll be in here much longer." My eyes widened with surprise. "I'm not saying you're completely recovered, we still want to keep you here in case. But you might be let out before winter break even starts. You'll go to school for a couple of days and we'll see how you do."

"Really?!"

She nodded her head. "I want to keep you longer, but I can't ignore the fact that you need your friends more than ever. Having them spend the night in your hospital room isn't going to fix anything."

Ouch.

I looked off to the side embarrassed. I couldn't believe I let Steven spend the night, and forgot to wake him up. It was so weird to wake up to him next to me and Dr. Sherman with her arms crossed. Well, at least it wasn't Dad or Mom, life would've been so much more difficult if either of them found out. I didn't know if they were homophobic or not, but I wasn't willing to test their acceptance levels.

Dr. Sherman chuckled as she opened the door to leave. "Don't worry, patient confidentiality." She gave a wink and left.

Excitement and joy rose throughout my body, and a laugh threatened at my throat. Although I didn't really want to come to terms with my sexuality so quickly, I didn't care anymore, I loved Steven.

I thought about it for a while, whether I should tell Dad or not. He was so kind, so considerate now ever since my attempted suicide. But I still couldn't shake the memories from my childhood, from when he basically forgot I existed, or when I tried to talk to him and he just blew me off. He would scold me for being a wolf, for showing my claws and my fangs. He made sure I knew the whole world was going to hate me for what I saw. And dumb Alex beleived him.

But now, he was a totally different animal. I didn't know if I could trust him, everything conflicted inside of my body. I wanted to tell him, but I also didn't want to tell him. I wanted to tell Steven how I felt, but I was scared what his reaction would be. Afterall, he did call me his friend, nothing more, nothing less.

I had come to a dilemma; do I tell Dad? Or do I keep it a secret?

Whatever thoughts in my head, whatever was telling me to keep it a secret, couldn't overpower the sensation, the relief of telling someone, anybody. I could've told Jordan, but after what happened in the bathroom, and how I knew she felt about me, it would only crush her more. Mom would've been a good choice, she always told me she loved me and would accept me. But that was contradicted by her passive personality. I had my sister...she couldn't keep a secret.

Trying to shake the thoughts from my head only brought more into it. I couldn't escape them, I couldn't escape the stupid hospital room I was trapped in.

Then the self-harm thoughts came in, tempting me to remove the pain with scars on my arms.

No, never again.

I dialed Dad's number and he picked up after two rings.

"Alex? What's wrong?"

Was I supposed to tell him over the phone? No, that was a dumb idea, I needed to do it face-to-face. Even if this was just a phase, even if these feelings would go away eventually, I needed to tell someone. Dad seemed like the only likely candidate, even if he was horrible in the past. He had changed, for the better, I just knew it.

"Oh, nothings wrong...I just need to talk to you about something."

"I'm kind of busy at work, can it wait?"

"Oh yeah, definitely! I just wanted to tell you face-to-face rather than on the phone."

"Are you sure you're ok? I can leave work right now if you need me to."

"No, no! Dad, really, it's ok. Just whenever you're done, head on over."

"Ok, I'll be there after work."

I hung up the phone, feeling nervous and excited at the same time.

I was going to tell Dad that I thought I was gay, that I was feeling emotions for another guy, another carnivore.

Dread made its way into my body and I immediately regretted calling Dad, out of fear from the past.

No, he's changed. He's going to accept you.

Was I even gay though? I only liked one guy, and I didn't even know what love was.

But I couldn't stop thinking of Steven, couldn't stop feeling the heat in my body every time I thought of us laying next to each other. I really, truly, loved him. I knew I loved him, I had to love him, it couldn't have been any other emotion. It had to be love.

I checked the calendar on my phone, there were only two more days left in November. Winter break for our school didn't start until the weekend before Christmas, and then extended into January. Either way, it felt amazing to hear I would be getting out soon. Well, hopefully soon. I needed to just stay as positive as I could, and tell Dr. Sherman if I had any other suicidal thoughts. But I was pretty sure those were whisked away everytime I looked at Steven. He didn't even need to be with me, I just needed to think about him and the thoughts were gone.

A couple hours had passed, Dad would be getting off work soon and anxiety crept up with each tick of the clock. I knew I needed to be confident, or at least pretend to be confident. But I was scared, scared for what he would say, scared for the thoughts that would run through his mind. I knew I needed to be upfront, holding back was only a bad idea, but I didn't know if I could tell him.

Jordan came in without knocking, a loose white t-shirt and grey jeans. Her tail flicked in the air and she set down her backpack with a loud thunk.

"You know, it's rude to enter without knocking," I said with a smirk. Jordan gave me an unamused look. I sighed and asked the dreaded question I knew she had been asked a million times, but I knew she would be truthful with me. "How are you feeling?"

She signed and gave me a hug, breathing into my neck. "Life sucks."

"I know the feeling," I said.

She held on a little tighter, a little longer, then let go, her arms falling lifelessly to her sides. "I...um...I have a campaign video and stuff to do." She waved her hands in the air with a little smile. "I was just wondering if you could help me out with it."

"Sure, what do you need me to help you with?"

"I-its an interview...about you-I know you may not want to talk about this stuff! Sorry."

"What are you saying sorry for?"

"I don't know, I just figured you would be weirded out by it." The atmosphere was definitely awkward. Last time we saw each other, she was crying on the floor.

I sat on the bed and folded my hands with a sigh. "Ask away, I guess."

"Are you sure? If you don't want to do it that's fine-"

"Jordan, it's ok."

She took out her laptop and microphone, setting it on the tiny table and sitting in the chair. She fiddled around with some cords and cursed under her breath. I could see a wire had snapped. "Well," she said. "Looks like I won't be charging this bad boy." She tapped her fingers against the screen and laughed.

"So, what's all this for? I mean, I know it's your campaign thing, but what's the real reason?"

Jordan sighed and smiled. "Well, at first I was fed up with Brittney and how she ran the school. Multiple incidents later, and your attempted suicide." She said it so easily, like it was just a normal thing. "One thing led to another, and I decided our school

needed to change. Nobody else was going to stand up to Brittney, so I decided it should be me.

I hung up posters around the school for mental health, just a little thing to show that at least someone cared. Then I made my campaign video...which is very embarrassing, I don't recommend watching it."

"I want to see it."

Jordan laughed, typing on her keyboard, then she noticed the silence and looked up. "Oh...you're serious." I nodded my head and she turned her laptop around, pressing play on a highly edited video.

I finished watching the video, it left me speechless, I had no idea what to say. So, Jordan spoke for me. "It's the most embarrassing thing I've done, but I had to do it. I had to show this side of me; the side that didn't care about what other animals thought of me."

"But you do care, quite a lot."

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. Anyways, I'll just be asking like...some simple questions? I don't know, I wrote a tiny script, but I didn't think this far ahead. I don't want to make it seem like I'm going through your personal stuff. I understand if you want to keep that stuff...to yourself."

I sighed, knowing what I had signed up for. Oh well, there was no point in keeping it a secret, especially if it helped her gain the votes she needed.

"Well, if it does get a little bit too personal, we can just cut it out," I said. Jordan nodded in agreement and started the recording on the camera she brought, making it look like a real interview.

Let the interview begin.

"Hello students of Clear Bayou High! I'm Jordan, the president for the audio visual club, and I'm here with one of my great friends, Alex, to talk about his experiences." I gave a slight wave, feeling the anxiety kick in. I wasn't one for cameras; public speaking, presentations, those were the worst.

Jordan crossed her legs and her tail flicked in the air. "So, Alex. When you first came to Clear Bayou, what did you think?"

"What did I think? Uh...I mean, it's good, I guess." Jordan looked unimpressed and tried a different tactic. A more, forceful one.

"Did you feel like you were accepted?" She noticed my hesitation, only giving me glances and an expressionless face.

Was this the same Jordan? How did she change so quickly?

I was intrigued, and decided to change my personality to compensate. Switching up the reclusive wolf into one of thoughtfulness and quick, witty remarks towards the interviewer.

"Accepted? Hell no, I'm a wolf, we're not allowed to be accepted," I said.

Jordan pondered the statement and fired back quickly with another question. "So you're saying that Clear Bayou isn't an inclusive school?"

"By inclusive, you mean herbivore dominated, right?"

"Well carnivores and herbivores co-exist quite peacefully, correct?"

"I'm sure some would say otherwise."

Jordan subtly narrowed her eyes. "You're avoiding the question."

I kept my composure, a smirk on my face. "It wasn't really a question to begin with, right?"

Jordan uncrossed her legs, leaning back in her chair. "Let's change the subject." She seemed to like that I was participating, especially in a way she wasn't expecting.

"Out of all the herbivores in the school, who do you think is the worst?"

Controversial.

"One specifically? Can't say, they've all been horrible to me," I said.

"Then I'll skip the frivolous questions I have prepared. Brittney Coleson, thoughts?" Jordan tapped her finger against her lips with a raised eyebrow.

"Is this an interview, or an interrogation?"

"Whichever."

"I'm pretty sure if I say anything bad about our Student Council president, school wouldn't greet me back with open arms."

Jordan shrugged. "Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?"

"Keeping their noses clean."

Jordan changed the subject again. "What's the best quality a leader should have?"

I tilted my head, acting like I was thinking hard on the subject, when in reality. "Why do I need to describe it, when I'm looking at her?" I swear I could've seen a smile creep across her face.

I'm not...flirting...am I?

"The whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games and you win stupid prizes," Jordan said with sigh. Then she spoke up, her voice rising an excited octave. "Ok, what would you do if you were running for Student Council president?"

I knew I had to be truthful with this question. "What would I do? Well, I'd start by telling animals what they want to hear, and instead of building trust on fake lies and actions, actually do the things I said."

"As it should be," Jordan said with a smile.

We spent the next couple of minutes on the discussion of how the school was being run. We both knew it was a dangerous game we were playing, but I was feeling confident. I wasn't acting anymore, whatever I was doing, was genuine. I wasn't battered and bruised anymore, I was ready for change, specifically, in myself.

Jordan flicked off the camera, the red light turning off. "Wow, I didn't expect it to go that well, I don't think I have to do any editing to it." She twirled a piece of fur around her finger. "Thanks for doing this with me. It's honestly scary how you just flipped your personality around. It's like you were meant for the camera!" She laughed and packed up her stuff, her tail flicking in the air, a certain aura of happiness radiating off of her. It was almost addicting, if only she would stay longer.

Jordan pointed to my tail which was loudly thumping against the chair. "What's got you so excited."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'm feeling happy."

Jordan gave a reluctant glance towards the bathroom, then took a deep breath. "Thanks, at least I got to feel happy today too." I knew she was talking about her random hallucinations about the bathroom, if they were random at all. She probably saw me everywhere she went.

She picked up her bag. "We should do this more often, it's...relaxing." She gave a tiny salute as she pushed open the door and left. My tail finally stopped and the joy seeped out of my body.

️ ️ ️

Dad got the all clear from Dr. Sherman who allowed me out of the hospital. He had planned for us to go out to a nice dinner, which immediately brought back thoughts of Jordan and our outing at a fancy restaurant. I didn't mean to take her there, but we really didn't have any other options, and I secretly hoped it might've been a good spot for Steven and I to visit if we ever dated.

We entered a restaurant, which was dimly lit; bright chandeliers and all. Everything you could ask for in a fancy restaurant that catered to the highest class of society, even though we were just a suburban family.

I poked Dad's shoulder as the hostess walked us to our seat. "I think we're out of our element here." Dad rolled his eyes and we sat down at a table in the back, luckily, there weren't any annoying female coyotes in their late forties gossiping about their recent divorce and the affairs they were having with their husbands.

My hands trembled as I looked down at the menu, I wasn't terrified of the insane price of the food-no, I was terrified of telling Dad my feelings.

He wouldn't react horribly...right? I mean, he was spending so much money on me, not to mention the hospital bills AND our fancy meal. I decided I would tell him after dinner, hoping to butter him up a little bit so the consequences were less severe.

Consequences? Would he really punish me for being gay?

I didn't even know if I liked guys or not! I only knew I liked one...but did that count? Did it even matter?!

"You good Alex?" Dad asked, eyeing the menu, only taking a quick glance towards me.

"Oh? Me? I-I'm doing just fine!" I said, trying to hold back my ears that so desperately wanted to flatten in embarrassment.

I tried to steer the conversation into one that wouldn't require me to talk about Steven...or another guy for that matter. "So," I said, digging my claws into my jeans. "Jordan came over today."

"Oh really?" Dad said, looking down at his phone.

"She...um-we recorded an interview-well it was more of a debate...or...was it?" I could feel myself calming down with each word I spoke, pushing the thought of Steven out of my mind.

"An interview? For what?"

"For her campaign, she's running for Student Council president."

"Hm, she never seemed like that kind of animal to me. Wait, isn't your Student Council run specifically by herbivores? How did she end up getting into that?"

"To be honest," I said, spinning the water in my glass with my straw. "I have no idea, I just know she did it. Kind of amazing, right?"

"Definitely, having her as the Student Council president will surely bring some sort of change, hopefully good." Dad ordered our food, I didn't really get a say in the matter, but I didn't care. "Oh wait, isn't one of the Coleson's daughters the Student Council president?"

"Both, Brittney is the president, and her sister Becky is the vice president."

"Wow, they really picked some great names for their children."

I laughed at his attempt at humor. He definitely was trying his best, even if it was a bit awkward to hear it coming from his mouth.

"Well, it's not like 'Alex' is the most progressive name either." I mused.

Dad pointed his fork at me just as our food was placed in front of us. "Hey, I named you that, so no criticizing your name! It's a good one, and I stand by that." He poked at his food. "Your mom wanted to name you Evan, but I shut that down real quick."

He never really talked about the past, but I never brought it up because I hated it. But I also wondered who my parents were before I was adopted by deer. Couldn't hurt to pop the question.

"Hey Dad? Do-do you know anything about my birth parents?"

He didn't seem flustered by the question at all, he seemed to answer it sincerely. "Not really, no. All I know is that your parents were grey wolves who couldn't afford a baby. The adoption center you were at didn't really give us that many details, I don't think your parents wanted to be found because we have no records on them."

"So...we're just left in the dark?" I said, sounding defeated.

Dad sighed. "Yeah...left in the dark."

I shoved food in my mouth. "Well, I'm glad they put me up for adoption, if I wasn't, I wouldn't be with you guys."

Dad chuckled and looked at me with soft eyes. "Never thought I'd hear you say those words."

I glanced off to the side. "Sometimes the ones we love, really surprise us."

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. We talked about school, and if I would be going back. To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. I just wanted to see my friends without having to invite them over to a hospital room that smelled of wolf musk and the blandest laundry detergent.

I talked to Dad more about my heritage as a grey wolf, I had seen my birth certificate before, but it was in a language I didn't understand, and only Dad knew it. Sometimes, I wondered if he was just making stuff up since it all sounded like something from a dark fairy tale. How they spent months appealing to courts and other legal authorities if a wolf was safe for an herbivore family. They always reached the same dilemma; was it safer to have a carnivore in an herbivore family, or an herbivore in a carnivore family? They went with the latter.

Dad and I finished dinner and walked outside, sitting on a bench far away from the rest of the posh crowd. He was only just a little bit shorter than me, so I didn't really have to crane my neck to talk to him, although his antlers sometimes smacked me in the head if he wasn't too careful. I never had the best spatial awareness either.

The air was crisp and cool, the night air being lit up by street lamps and hopes and dreams. My hopes and dreams. The moon was full and bright, shining down on both of us as we sat together. Leaves blew past us, dirt was swept up into the air, and grass waved through the breeze. Stars glittered in the sky, planes in the sky looked like shooting stars. And I made a wish for Dad just to love me, no matter the outcome.

There was always the concept of "nature vs. nurture", and I wondered if something about Dad had rubbed off on me. If it was just my genetics that made me who I was, or something deeper, something rooted in my childhood that would define me for the rest of my life.

I hoped I had gotten something from him. Whether it be his authorial, almost regal presence. Or his willingness to change his whole personality. Or maybe he didn't change his personality, maybe he too, was getting fed up with emotionally destroying his son. Either way, he was doing a great job at fixing the hole in my heart.

I laid my head on his shoulder, staring into the deep night sky. Wondering if each star would burn forever, or if it would burn out eventually, burn out like Dad's love did when I grew up.

Are you going to accept me? Or am I going to have to hide in shame again?

Dad wrapped an arm around me, he was so warm, so comfortable. I just wanted to fall asleep where I sat, right underneath the full moon. A tree behind us rustled its leaves, bending and creaking from the wind that blew through both of our fur. It was cold, but Dad was warm, so I didn't care.

I could hear his calm heartbeat, and I decided now was the time, now was the time to tell him everything.

"Dad?" I asked, staring into the distance. I could feel his body tense up a bit, not a whole lot, but it was noticeable with each short breath he took.

"What is it?" he said in a whisper.

"I…" I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to say it. I was so scared, so terrified of everything; of the past, of the present, of my future. I didn't know how it would pan out, I didn't know if I would ever be the same again. But damnit! I had to tell him! Holding it inside, waiting for it to fester into thoughts of self-harm and suicide wasn't going get me anywhere!

"I think I'm gay," I muttered into the air, keeping my gaze fixated on a street lamp whose light beamed down on one singular spot.

There was silence.

Then Dad chuckled, growing ever louder. Eventually he had to catch his breath, breathing heavily while still holding back little laughs that sprouted out. He took a deep breath and looked towards me, smiling with his eyes. "I already knew," he said with a shrug.

"You already knew?! What the hell does that even mean?!" I was expecting a different reaction. One full of anger, of hate, of pestering remarks and shifting eyes. But that didn't seem to be the case, and I was so confused, so flustered, so stressed. The anxiety that was built up in my body didn't know where to go, so it morphed into anger.

Dad glanced off to the side. "You never seemed interested in girls-neither boys, so we just assumed."

"You assumed?!"

Wait, he's not angry, he's not trying to argue back.

I just wasn't expecting his reaction, wasn't expecting the sincerity in his normally dark voice.

I sighed. "Sorry...I just didn't expect you to react like that."

"It's fine, it's not like I was the best to you anyway, I don't expect you to initially take anything I say in a nice way."

"No, I acted out of line. Besides, it's not like I even know if I like guys or not...it's only one."

"Steven, right?" Dad said. I nodded shyly. "It was easy to tell. I could see the way you looked at him, it was different than Jordan, who I originally thought you liked. I figured it would be good for you to get a girlfriend, maybe you would feel happy. But if you're into guys that's perfectly fine too."

"Are-are you sure?!" My tail was wagging against the bench.

Dad smiled again. "As long as you're happy, I don't care anymore. I know I wasn't the best in the past. But I'm trying to fix everything, trying to fix you. I don't think I'm doing a great job since you're still stuck in that horrible hospital and frankly I don't know what to do anymore. The only thing I know how to do is be there for you, which I should've done in the past." He looked up into the sky, tears reflecting in his eyes. Dad was never emotional, never. So to see him like that made my heart crush. He was trying-doing his best to fix all the messed up shit he did.

Was it working?

Who was to say?

I felt like it was working, because I forgave him for everything he did, even if I didn't trust him at the start. Seeing him finally show that he cared, even if it was just a little sentiment, felt like a whole lot.

"I don't care if you're gay, I don't care if you're straight. I just care if you're happy," he said as he got up. "Maybe I could meet Steven one day, it seems he's casted a spell on you." He looked towards me with a smirk.

I stood up and hugged him tight, holding back tears and emotion, never expecting him to ever change. He scratched the back of my ears and said, "you can tell your mom whenever you're ready. Your secret is safe with me."

I pulled away and wiped my face, laughing, wondering how my life changed for the better. How everything was actual shit, then it all changed.

Was I feeling happy?

Is this what happiness felt like?

It has to be.