A story of Huey and Jazzy Chapter 47: Headaches, choices, & feeling good, a boondocks fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Reviews:

LavenderLuvER18: I'm happy you liked the mini update. This one is way longer of course and I hope you like it. Also, fuck that chief, he be getting his come upping's. Love you luv! So fucken much!

R34clell45: Just to clarify and apologize, I did at some point write in one of the chapters that I had written 1 mil words but it I had added an extra zero when I was writing that and I meant to say 100k works instead. I'm sorry about the confusion. I promise to be more careful with my zero's, I guess I just like seeing lots of zeros cuz my bank account will never have that many. Hope you enjoy this chapter 😊.

GREENPEACE1990: Oh my god I'm so happy you're still reading this story. Yes, life gets super busy but I'm glad you found some time to come read up. I loved Chi-Town this time, it was so much fun watching them running around the place with all of them taking care of each other. And you know the Freeman brothers are just some sweet guys and will do that kind of stuff for them. LOL yes Huey will get there I'm sure, I mean that boy needs to get his shit together before Huey beats his ass. But thank you for coming around. Hope you like this chapter.

CHAPTER 46:

No warning cuz you'll know what you're getting yourself into reading this story. Have fun 😊.

I inhale.

Shit. Of course it depends on what I think.

From dreams of waking up with her over me to this.

I see her smirk and she says, "That's what I thought."

I exhale and I say, "What I think or rather, my opinion, doesn't matter, I want no say in it, and I'll do it if that's what needs to be done."

I hear him say, "Howie."

I look over at Frank, see him inhale, and he says, "We want to know what you think about this because it will not only affect your weekends, the only days you have off at this point, but you will be working with someone we know you do not completely get along with, and if you don't give us your opinion we will simply ask another person for your opinion."

I see him look over to my right and he says, "Riley?"

I inhale, hear that exhale from my brother, and I hear him call me.

I look over at him, see him looking at me with that damn look, see him exhale, knowing that damn look, and I say, "Riley, you know I don't care if," and he says, "Then tell 'em you don't care 'bout seeing that fool 'nother day you ain't gotta see him, that you are the damn manager and you gonna do what you gotta do, and you really don't care 'bout who you gotta manage any day of the week, and better than that, if that fool's here, that means he ain't anywhere else, right?"

I inhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, knowing she can have that day free, at least several hours of being wherever she is, even at that horrible crowded place with her friends, while I'm here, watching that fucken idiot, feeling my smirk, seeing my brother's idiot smirk, my brother that has more logic than I give him credit, and I turn back to them, see both Monica and Mr. Willis smiling, hearing Frank possibly laughing, and I say, "I like the plan, I'll do it."

I hug her, not liking it, this new plan, I don't like it, smelling her, and I say, "I don't wanna."

I hear them laughing, feeling those little arms hugging me, hearing her laughing, and I hear Ming say, "Jazzy only half hour of playing that game with the older kids and then we switch."

I exhale, hearing them laughing, shaking my head, and I hear that voice say, "Please Jazzy."

I inhale, looking up, and see her with that small smile, those hazel eyes, dry from crying earlier when she saw us and told us.

I nod, knowing she needs to focus on this, focus on having fun with us until we all have dinner at the Freeman house tonight, she needs to focus on us, and I say, "Okay, have fun with them."

I look down at her, kiss that little head I'm holding, and I say, "Go play that game and when you're done you can come back to maybe help my sister and me with the little kids okay baby?"

I inhale, thinking only Monica calls them that, and I hear that little voice, "'Kay Auntie, be back for a kiss okay?"

I exhale, nodding, letting go, and I hear that little voice say, "You want me to hold Ms. Laurie's hand?"

I inhale, kissing that head one more time, and I say, "Yes baby."

I let go, seeing that pretty face, not knowing what people see when they look at her, if she's a pretty black girl or a pretty Native American girl or just a pretty girl, but I know she's beautiful, seeing that pretty smile, seeing her turn, and I see her walk up to Lauren, grabbing her hand, making me happy she's doing that.

I inhale and sniffle, seeing them walking away, hearing those voices, Ming and Lauren talking to them about that game, hearing them already having fun with them, talking to them about the game they taught the teenagers we hung out with in Chicago.

And I exhale, thinking about Chicago, about them, missing them, all of them, Talia, Armani, Luther, Isaiah, Cassius, Donald, Roxana, Samuel, Jesse, so many kids, teenagers, remembering at least they all have my phone number.

I hear my sister and I look over at her, feeling my smile coming back, seeing her talking to those little kids, the ones that are under seven years old, with Tia and Nillan in the back because they're taller than the other little kids, seeing Tia looking at my sister with that big smile, those rosy cheeks, and those big eyes, almost like she's proud of my sister or maybe proud that's her Auntie Cinny.

And then I feel like laughing seeing Nillan right next to her, with that eyebrow raised, that smirk, seeing him looking at Tia every few seconds, seeing that smirk turn into a cute smile when he looks at Tia, thinking he's adorable with that cute black snapback, that black t-shirt that says 'PARDON MY SWAG,' those cute dark jeans and black converse, not knowing when kids started dressing that well, and I just figured out something. All of us, even Tamera and Tia and some of the kids here wear converse. When did that become a thing?

And I feel that hand grab my hand and I look over.

I feel my smile seeing that fade and that messy afro, seeing him looking up at me with those brown eyes, those hazel eyes.

I feel my eyes open seeing that his eyes are hazel, a dark hazel, with the biggest eyelashes ever, feeling my smile at how cute he is, knowing even though he's looking up at me right now, seeing how tall he is already, I'm probably going to be looking up at him soon, seeing that small smile, and he says, "Tam Tam missed you."

I exhale, thinking he's not only adorable but he just called Tamera her nickname, something he's been doing all day today I think, not knowing when that started, maybe in the last two weeks we didn't get to talk to them, making me feel so happy, feeling him letting go of my hand, and I bend down and I hug him.

I feel him stiffen a little, hugging him harder, and I say, "I missed you all, my sister and friends, we all missed you, for sure really missed Tam Tam and TT and you Zari and thank you for taking really good care of them, thank you."

I feel him exhale, feel him nod, and I hear him say, "Yeah, mean yes, just tried, and was easy, kinda, here, but."

I hear him stop, feel him inhale, and I let go of him.

And I see that cute worried look on him, see him looking over at where they are, Ming, Lauren, Tamera, and the other kids Tamera's age and older, all of them playing that game, with Caesar and Hiro further away teaching some of the other kids how to play a soccer game.

I exhale, seeing him looking over there, looking really worried, and I say, "Zari but what?"

I see him look down and shake his head.

I inhale and say, "Zari?"

I see him shake his head again and he says, "No Jazmine, it's cool."

I inhale, seeing him take that step away from me, like Huey used to when I would bother him, I think, annoying him probably, when we were little, shaking my head, wanting to help, like Huey would, and I say, "You trust Huey right?"

I see Zari turn back to look at me, see that eyebrow rise, and see him nod.

I exhale and I say, "Good, and Huey trust me right?"

I see his other eyebrow rise, see him nod slower this time, seeing him turn his body back to me, and I feel my smile and I say, "And Huey wouldn't trust people that he thinks don't have character or are helpful, so because you trust Huey and Huey trust me, that kind of means, I hope, that I have character and I'm helpful, so trust that I'll help if you tell me what you were gonna say, why you looked so worried, okay?"

I see him exhale, see him purse his lips, and I hear that voice.

I look over at them, see Lauren talking to him again, I think seeing her tell him 'Do you want us to take you home if you're not feeling good?'

I see him shake his head, hear him say 'India,' see him pass the ball to Tamera, and I hear that voice say, "Tried to take care of Tam Tam and TT here, did it, made sure when people we don't know were here I made them stay behind me, but at school."

I feel my eyebrow rise and I look back down at him.

I see Zari exhale, hearing those voices playing that game, seeing him looking over at where I can hear Tamera's cute voice, and he says, "At summer school wasn't there but Tam Tam and TT only there two times, Tuesday, Thursday, and I was at my school for summer school too and she didn't know no one in class so ain't no one there saying nothing to her, so I ain't, you know, thinking 'bout her, not lot anyways, but now."

I see him inhale, hearing that voice, and I look over at them.

I see Tamera catch the ball from him again, hearing Lauren tell him to make sure to throw the ball to the other kids, hearing Tamera say 'Australia' as she's throwing the ball to another little boy, hearing Zari exhale, and I hear Zari say, "Now she going back to real school, at her school, and."

I hear Zari inhale, not hearing him say anything else, seeing a little girl throw the ball back to him, and I look back down at Zari.

I see Zari inhale, hearing Ming say that he needs to sit out the game if he's not going to play with everyone, seeing Zari's eyebrow rise looking at them, and he says, "And Tam Tam tol' me all them gonna have the same class cuz they took that test and it says they all gotta be in the same class, and I know he's gonna be there, telling Tam Tam he's sorry, telling her lies, and she's gonna forget he's not her friend and she's gonna be nice and he's gonna say something to Tam Tam and it's gonna make her."

I see Zari inhale, see him blink, shaking his head, and he says, "And I ain't there cuz I'm not in that school, didn't take that stupid test, and I ain't gonna be there to take care of her and he's gonna be there and he's gonna talk to her and make Tam Tam."

I see him exhale, not saying anything else, and I exhale, knowing what he's talking about, the test Monica said they were having Tamera study for in her summer class, that test she was studying for even when she was here playing at the shelter, with her sister and Zari helping her study for it, remembering Tamera saying how much Zari was helping her, that test her mom and dad wanted her to take at the end of summer at her school to see if she was gifted and could be put in a harder class, a class that only some kids in her school got into, some kids like him.

I look over at them, see him, and I exhale seeing him sitting at that table, looking angry, I think because Ming told him to sit down because he was only passing the ball to Tamera, remembering Lauren said he also took that test and got into that class, how Lauren said she wasn't happy about that because she thinks Tamera shouldn't be in the same class with him when he's been the way he's been with her, saying bad words to her, making her cry, getting in that fight with Nillan, and then acting like none of that ever happened.

Pete.

I exhale and say, "You know Zari, I know I shouldn't say this, I know, but I kind of wish you were there at that school too, in that class with her, so you could take care of my baby there and because, really, you make her happy."

I hear him exhale, seeing that pretty smile on Tamera looking at a girl that passed the ball to her, making me smile, and I hear him say, "Yeah, I don't know, kinda now, wish, kinda, I took that paper to my mom, paper Tam Tam's mom said was for my mom so I can take the test to try get into Tam Tam's school, that class, I think cuz Tam Tam's mom said I helped Tam Tam so I should take that test too, and I don't know, she said if I passed the test, cuz of something, program think at Tam Tam's school, somebody pay for me to go to that school, but I was, I don't know, 'barrassed, so I didn't do it, but wish I did do it."

I feel my eyes open, looking over at Zari, seeing him looking out at them, seeing that sad look on his cute face, his cute face I want to scream at for being embarrassed of using any program to get into Tamera and Tia's school, wanting to scream at him with how smart he is and not doing it, and I hear myself say, "What!"

I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Jazmine?"

I see that focused look, not looking at me, seeing her reading through that form, that form I found in that drawer in the office that Zari had said he left there, and I repeat, "Jazmine?"

I see her nod, not looking at me, and she says, "Yes bestie, everyone had three kids to look after so we're good and I just need to read this last part so I can take back my charge away from the poor guys, and I'm almost done, promise."

I inhale and I say, "Jazmine you are not his mother."

I see her inhale, see her close those eyes, feeling myself focus on that look, and I inhale, seeing her look at me.

That damn look, knowing that look where she's about to take action.

I exhale and I say, "Jazmine that's up to his," and she says, "His mom, I know, but these are a lot of questions Huey, a lot, not just where he lives, his grades, all the classes he took in the last two years, but questions about her, where she works, how much money she makes, how much she pays for rent, there's so much, and I just want to make a list for her so she knows where to start, first to get his last report card and then his records from his school for the last two years and then all her stuff, and just…"

I inhale, tasting her, grabbing that soft face, making her stop, making her focus on me, as selfish as that is because she was just talking about helping him, Zari, a boy I'm somewhat close with, one that I possibly care about today not only because he reminds me of times when books and reading to a degree gave me solstice from the world, my past, but also because he has character and it shows with how he takes care of those that mean something to him, and she wants to help him, Zari who I'm somewhat close with.

I exhale, hearing the giggles from those children, hearing her friends laughing telling those children to not look, and I move back.

I inhale, tasting that lip balm she said she's using today, seeing that small smile, and she says, "Huey I just want to, you know, help him, a little."

I exhale and I say, "I know Jazmine but first be here, helping us with these children, these numerous kids, because leaving those three kids that were your responsibility to my brother, Caes, and Hiro was not very responsible of you and possibly something they cannot handle, and more so than that, when we get back we can go through that form together seeing as I've filled out those type of forms for my brother and I when we've moved schools and I know some of the information they're asking for holds more weight than other, but be here with your friends, these kids, and me first. Do you agree?"

I see that smile, feeling myself possibly breathing, and she says, "I love you too and okay, for now I'll help with my charge, where are my kids?"

I exhale, hearing Caesar say, "Alright! One more pull on my hair from one of you three that keeps hiding under damn table and I'm gonna drag you'll all out!"

I see that smile turning into that thing I like, seeing her putting that small hand over her mouth, hearing her laughing with her friends, and I know, bringing out these twenty-four kids, including ones I'm somewhat close with and others I've been keeping an eye on to make sure he doesn't say anything to one of the two girls that calls me uncle, all of this unnecessary chaos outside of this ice cream shop, seeing her turning to Tamera to fix those two buns over her head again, seeing her smiling, possibly happy for her own Jazmine reasons, is not only making me feel good, it was well worth it.

I exhale, remembering this damn feeling, one of the many reasons I should start planning on having us both become emancipated, so we can begin applying to universities now because all of these institutions where they're teaching us to be mindless factory workers, having to deal with these damn kids, all these damn schools are not worth it, and I feel that soft hand grab my own.

I exhale possibly longer, with that contact, feeling her putting those long fingers through my own, feeling those small shoulders under my arm, and I hear that voice tell me to relax.

I look over at her and see that face, the one that's possibly wearing makeup, missing, maybe, yesterday at the shelter when I could see that clear face with nothing hiding it, and I hear my brother say he's going to kill a few today.

I see that smile on that face, hearing her sister say he's not the only one killing a few no matter how short she is, seeing her put that small hand over her mouth, that hand with those two rings, that Irish ring and my mother's ring, hearing her laughing, hearing them all laughing, feeling myself laughing, bringing her into me, and I put her in front of me, holding her, because I want to.

I continue walking, hearing those kids around us talking about her, feeling that soft afro under my chin, that afro that's being held down by that intricate hairpin, one I know belonged to Aunt Cookie because I do remember seeing her use it, and now it's here, under me, and I look down, bending down to that face.

I see that face, hearing them talking, the idiot kids talking about her and her sister, knowing it's the first day of this shit, after not long enough of a vacation, having had all that time to kiss her, wanting to right now, and I kiss that soft cheek, possibly hearing idiots saying unimportant things, and I say, "Remember to close today."

I see her exhale, see that face turn to me, and she says, "You too bestie."

I taste those lips, not giving a damn where we are because damn it that vacation was too short, stopping us here, wherever we are, fifteen feet after having entered this building, feeling those hands on my neck, hearing noise that doesn't matter, hearing that voice, feeling that shiver, those small shoulders turning into me, making me happy, kissing her, hearing that damn voice, feeling that damn shiver, not giving a damn with those fingers on my neck, and I hear that voice telling us to stop.

I exhale, kissing her, not giving a shit, hearing that idiot racist shit tell us to stop or we'll get suspended, and I feel her move away.

I open my eyes to berate her and I see that worried look.

I exhale, knowing she's worried about me, again, somehow, for some reason or another, and I see that small smile on those full lips, hearing that idiot racist counselor telling the other kids to get to their class.

I grab that hand that's on my neck, seeing that smile, feeling my smirk, and I say, "Let's go and remember protocol."

I see her roll those jades, knowing it's still before eight in the morning and we'll get there early but it's necessary, at least today.

I see that face with that worried look turn away from me, looking behind her, and I hear her say, "Sis, like we talked about okay?"

I look up, see my brother, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing those girls in front of him and Cindy, see my brother exhale, seeing that annoyed look on his face, and I nod.

I see him nod at me and I see him turn back to Cindy, pulling her around those girls.

I look down, seeing that intricate hairpin, and I say, "Jazmine."

I see her turn to me, see that smirk, and she says, "I know, I know bestie, what we talked about, and everyone will be okay and safe."

I nod, feeling that warmth knowing things will be fine because of protocol, what we discussed last night, and I hear that voice.

Shit.

I turn to that girl, knowing she was standing there, seeing her smile, and she says, "Hi Huey, I told Leon he could leave so we could talk about our summer."

I hear that inhale next to me and I say, "It was great, I'm sure as was yours, spent it with my girlfriend, have a good day."

I see her open her mouth and I turn to back to that face.

I see her looking at that girl, knowing I don't care, hearing that girl talking, and I exhale and walk in between them, pulling that soft hand.

We start walking away from that girl, hearing her continue to talk, ignoring her regardless of how I was raised, walking away from that shiver, the possible crazy that she is, not caring about what she's saying, feeling those fingers going in between my own, and I exhale, possibly, maybe, feeling that ring, my mother's ring, touching it, feeling the smooth but jagged stone.

I pull her closer seeing those idiot kids watching us walking to our locker, the one we're using again this semester because Ms. Lola decided that, decided many things she informed us all about last night during Grandad's dinner, and I hope, for Grandad's sake, he appreciates her because she's making our stay at this institution somewhat livable, possibly why I haven't planned on having us both become emancipated.

At least not yet.

I exhale, pulling out my book, putting it on my desk, and I feel my smile that I'm almost done with it, seeing the author's name at the top of the picture, that picture of the three black women ironing clothes, and I see the name of the book under that picture.

To'Joy My Freedom

Southern Black Women's Lives and Labors After The Civil War

That picture of those three black women who are ironing clothes because they had to, to survive, to feed their kids, being warm, loving, women, like how Ms. Lola is, a really awesome and smart woman, hoping I can be like all of the women I know one day.

And I feel my smile, thinking about all of that, hearing my friends, wondering what book I'll read next.

I know Monique said there was another book she wanted to tell me about but I can't remember the name of that book.

And I hear her say behind me, "Sissy."

I feel my smirk and I look behind me.

I see that pretty face and say, "Yes sis?"

I see her exhale with that evil smirk and she says, "So for reals? Won't let us just beat the fuck outta them, please sis, pretty damn please?"

I exhale, rolling my eyes, hearing them laughing, making me laugh, and I say, "Sis I told you I don't want you getting in trouble, none of you, okay, and I think we're already gonna make them mad enough being here."

I hear Ming say, "'Kay but they touch my man or any of the guys we beating them."

I inhale and say, "Damn straight," and I stop, knowing we all said that at the same time, laughing with them.

I exhale, laughing, hoping Black Jesus let's this all turn out okay, being here with them, the strong, loving, good and warm sister and friends I'm so lucky I have, and I hear the first bell ring.

And I hear the door open.

I look up to the front at the door and feel my smirk seeing him walk in, seeing him look at us, and see his eyes open and he says, "Why are you all not in your homeroom!"

I exhale, looking down at my book, not caring, not really, opening it, and I hear him say, "One of you answer me now!"

I hear the door open again, getting to the page I was on in my book, seeing where I left off yesterday.

There it is.

The film portrayed the Civil War and Reconstruction as an ill-conceived Northern plot that stripped white Southern men of their rightful power and unleashed incompetent "Negro domination."

I exhale, hearing them all walking in, hearing them all not saying anything, but I do hear some curses.

Keep reading Jazmine.

With all the pageantry and fanfare of an exciting new medium, the feature-length epic treated theatergoers to the consoling archetypes of Old South legend: obsequious black.

Wait.

I exhale, hearing the cursing from the door, look up, and I see that dark grey shirt.

I feel my smile remembering I had to tell him to change this morning because he wanted to wear that old black Nike t-shirt for the first day of school, seeing him in that old t-shirt when I had seen him at the bottom of the stairs in my house, and I asked him if he was really wearing a shirt he uses when he's cleaning at the shelter on the first day of our junior year. I heard Riley laughing in our living room, hearing him making fun of Huey, and I saw him roll those maroons, saw that little smirk, making me smile knowing he really didn't care, will probably never care about what he's wearing. Just give that tall boy a goal, like helping his community, helping people, at the shelter, in Chicago, here, everywhere, and he won't care what he's wearing. But I still told him we had time for him to change because he was driving us to school, has been since that happened at the precinct last year, so we were going to go to his house and I was going to pick out a shirt for him. And we did. I picked out that one, a dark gray t-shirt with the HBCU logo in the front, a shirt I saw him wearing once, I think that first day of school in ninth grade but then I never saw it on him again. Back then I remember it was kind of big on him but now it fits him really nicely because it's a medium and I like how medium size t-shirts look on him with those broad shoulders, looking comfortable but still seeing how fit he is. And I know for sure, after this morning, making him change, I can probably always tell him to put anything I want and he'll do it as long as he doesn't have to think about it so he can keep focusing on things that matter. That warm brain with those broad shoulders.

What was I thinking?

Oh yeah.

I shake my head to make the daydreaming stop, put my fingers on that back, touching it just a little, and I see him turn around.

I smile, seeing him smirk, and I say, "Sorry, I know you're trying to ignore them, like we all are, but what's obsequious mean?"

I see him exhale with that smirk and he says, "What we're doing to a degree right now, not telling those idiots that they can go to hell, letting them scream even if we couldn't care less, why?"

I giggle, shaking my head, and I look down and point at the word, turning my book so he can read it, hearing more people cursing.

I hear him exhale and I look up.

I see him look up at me with that raised eyebrow, those soft maroon eyes that are my favorite color, I think hearing my friends talking with each other, their boyfriends, their boyfriends they really like, I think their boyfriends who they love, like I love him, seeing that cute smirk, knowing he's way too cute for me, and he says, "I didn't know you were this far along."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and I say, "Well I am, almost done too, and then I'm thinking about talking to Mo about that other book she wanted me to read, but I'm also, kind of, maybe thinking about a book I heard about online, it's about medicine, race, and gender, more about how medicine started with white men using black women, you know, slaves, to do experiments to start learning about medicine in America. Kind of how if it wasn't for slave black women medicine wouldn't be where it is today, like how this country owes our community, specially the women, for that, but I don't know, I'll talk to Mo to see if she thinks that's a good book or if she thinks I should first read the one she wanted me to read."

And I see that smile, that big smile, knowing he's for sure too hot for me, I think hearing the cursing stop, and he says, "Read whatever it is you want to read because no matter what it is it'll be beneficial to you and especially to whoever it is you want to help and more so than that it'll just lead to you being as Jazmine as you are on any given day of the week but when it gets to that point remember what we agreed."

I roll my eyes at him being hot and so Huey, looking back down at my book, telling me I can read anything and it'll only be a good thing and at the same time reminding me about what we talked about when we were talking about what he calls 'protocol' and I call 'keeping my sister and friends safe,' and I say, "Yes sir."

I turn my book back around so I can read it, looking for where I left off, and I hear that deep monotone voice say, "I'll punish you later."

I feel my eyes open, look up, and see he turned around and is looking down at his book, hearing I think Ming and Caesar laughing, knowing they're the closest ones to us, feeling my face being so warm, and I shake my head and look down at my book, trying to see where I left off.

There it is. Focus Jazmine and keep reading.

Old South legend: Obsequious black Mammies upbraiding bad Negroes; an uppity mulatto Jezebel seducing white men; insolent black Union troops wreaking havoc; and ignorant, barefooted, and drunken black politicians unraveling centuries of polity and civility in hallowed legislative halls. The film reached its climax when the heroic Ku Klux Klan (KKK) rode in to save white civilization from debauchery by black brutes. To the cheers of the audience, as art imitated life, the Klan castrated and lynched a would-be black assailant in the name of protecting innocent white womanhood.

And I hear that screech say, "Leon do something! You're the teacher! Make them leave!"

I inhale, hearing that door open, hearing more steps, and I hear him say, "I already called and they are on their way."

And I look at my book, seeing those words.

In the name of protecting innocent white womanhood.

And I remember the author is talking about that movie, The Birth of a Nation, a movie I've read enough about, enough to know what it did, what it meant for our community, for the men that would get murdered later because that movie kind of brought back the KKK, hearing that door open, and I hear that voice say, "What's the emergency?"

I look up, feeling my smile coming back, seeing him, remembering Mo, all the people I love, and I hear us all say, 'What up Mr. R,' 'What up homie,' 'Hi Mr. Ramirez,' and 'Hi Mr. R,' all at the same time.

I see Mr. Ramirez look at us, see him smile, and he says, "Good morning everyone, girls, nice to see you all again and thank you for that coffee, it definitely helped."

I feel my smile, remembering my sister thought about that, stopping at that gas station on the way here when Huey was driving Riley, my sister, and me to school, because my sister wanted to get Mr. Ramirez coffee since it was the first day of school, and I hear that voice say, "It's good you finally got here because these misbehaved, criminally inclined," and I see Mr. Ramirez inhale, looking at him, and he says, "Mr. Leon what is it that I can help you with so I can get back to helping monitor the entrance of the school?"

I hear that inhale from Mr. Leon and I look back down at my book, not wanting to look up at anyone standing by the door other than Mr. Ramirez, all those students, and I hear that voice, that screech say, "Take them out! They're not even in this class!"

I look through the page, remembering where I left off, and I keep reading.

In the name of protecting innocent white womanhood. As the local newspaper reported after the film's opening: "Never before, perhaps, has an Atlanta audience so freely given vent to its emotions and appreciation last night. Spasmodic at first, the plaudits of the great spectacle at length became altogether unrestrained."

And I hear the yelling, the cursing about people that shouldn't be here, hearing the groans from our friends, from him in front of me, and I put my fingers on that back again, touching it just a little again, and I whisper, "Calm down bestie."

I hear him exhale, feeling my smile, and I hear that booming voice say, "Quiet!"

I inhale, squinting my eyes at how loud Mr. Ramirez can be when he gets annoyed, hearing everyone stop, and I hear him say, "I cannot understand anything being said. Now, if anyone believes they should be in this class because of an email they received from the school, raise your hand."

I inhale, raising my hand, looking up at everyone, seeing everyone raising their hand, even our friends, looking over at Huey, seeing him raising his hand just a little I think because he's really annoyed right now, making me giggle.

And then I hear the yelling again, that screeching, putting my hand down, and I look back down at my book.

And I hear that booming voice say, "I said quiet!"

I inhale, reading, hearing everyone by the door stop yelling, finally, exhaling, and I hear Mr. Ramirez say, "Now again, why am I here Mr. Leon?"

I look up, seeing him behind that desk, seeing how mad he looks, feeling my smirk, trying not to, trying, failing miserably at not giggling, hearing my sister behind me and my friends next to us giggling, seeing him looking at us with that red face, and he says, "Because those four sitting there are not assigned to this homeroom and since my responsibilities for this hour are not as counselor but as instructor for this class I called you here to take them to the principal's office so they can hopefully be dealt with swiftly."

And I can't help it, seeing how mad he is, laughing, putting my head down on the desk, hearing my sister and friends laughing with me, not being able to stop it, I just cannot, oh my Black Jesus, and I hear him tell us to shut up.

I inhale, hearing that chair move, and I move up and grab the hem of that shirt.

I see those shoulders and I say, "Please, no Huey, remember, keeping my sister and friends safe."

I hear my friends telling their boyfriends to calm down and I exhale, hearing Mr. Ramirez talking to Mr. Leon about the way he's allowed to speak to us, seeing those stiff shoulders under that dark gray t-shirt, and I exhale and I say, "Please bestie, please sit and remember what we talked about, keeping them safe, you know, protocol."

I see him exhale, thinking I might have to give him a massage this week, maybe today, and I see him sit.

I exhale, leaving my hand on that back, moving it back and forth just a little, looking back down at my book, and I hear Mr. Ramirez say, "Again Mr. Leon, that will be the last time I hear you speak to any student in that way before I do my job, informing the principal, my direct supervisor before the school board, of the language you use with students in this school and I hope you do not test me."

I hear that inhale, look up, seeing Mr. Leon's mouth open, and I hear that sweet deep voice behind whispering, "Get the boot, get the boot, up your ass, get the boot."

And I see Mr. Leon look over here, hearing that muffling coming from my sister, I think from someone putting their hand over her mouth, hearing my friends giggling, almost laughing, and he says, looking at her, "Ms. McPhearson I will not tolerate your insolence and," and I hear Ming say, "But you tolerate that sata's huh?"

I hear the laughing from my sister, our friends, hearing the laughing I think from a lot of people in the class, seeing Mr. Leon looking at Ming with that angry face, and he says, "Ms. Long you will not," and I hear that voice say, "First, Mr. Leon, her last name is Long-Dou, at least try to say her whole last name and not just a part of it even if you won't try to say other students' name's the right way because you just don't care, and second, you do tolerate that sata, if not I don't think we'd be here."

I exhale, knowing she doesn't say it but it does bug her, it hurts her feelings when people don't even try to pronounce her last name the right way after she's told me a lot of times how to say it, and I know she's not feeling okay, not today, seeing Mr. Leon looking at Lauren with that smirk, and he says, "First, I will pronounce names as I see fit, how you choose to pronounce them outside of this country means little to me, and second, I will not have you or any other students bringing in such words into a class I am instructing, words that should only be used in those classes that teach other languages unnecessary since the official language of this country and of course of this school is English Ms. Colon."

And I inhale and say, "It's Colón you jerk," and I hear those names, those names all of us called him, seeing him inhale, seeing him turn to the Mr. Ramirez, and he says, "See! This is what I mean! These criminally inclined, misbehaved students who are not in their assigned homerooms, are speaking to me using that language, definite signs of mental illness, and they need to be escorted to the principal's office immediately!"

I feel my eyebrow rise, trying to remember he's a counselor and he should know talking back, defending ourselves, is not a sign of mental illness, seeing Mr. Ramirez exhale looking at Mr. Leon, and he says, "Mr. Leon I understand what they just said would be deemed as offensive by most adults but not enough to make anyone believe these students are criminally inclined or have any kind of mental illness, specifically when these other students, one in particular standing next to you, were all speaking to you when I walked in using language most adults would deem more than offensive, so really, if you want me to take those students to the principal's office because of the way they're speaking to you I'll simply take all the students I've heard speaking to you using that same language in the last two minutes alone, which is all of them."

I hear those inhales, knowing going to the principal's office during homeroom, on the first day of school, is not a good thing, probably something that can lead to getting kicked out of AP classes or even suspended, hearing that last bell ring I think, and I hear Mr. Leon say, "Fine, just take those four, the girls, to the principal's office because they should not be in this class but rather in their own homeroom, they will be late getting to their homerooms, and at least for the next hour I cannot escort them myself because I'm to stay in this class instructing the students that are actually enrolled in my class, so I ask you Mr. Ramirez to do your job and to deal with them appropriately."

I exhale, moving my hand over that back, knowing this is going to be hard for him, it really is, hearing my friends talking to their boyfriends, trying to calm them down, knowing all these students are here, because of her, at least most of them I think, and I hear that voice two seats behind me say, "A'ight befor' we make the homie deal with more shit he ain't gotta deal with, Mr. Ramirez how 'bout you check who gotta be in this class befor' you take 'em anywhere, since you know, I ain't even in this grade but ain't no one saying shit 'bout me being here."

I exhale, seeing that broad back breathing okay, seeing him looking down at his book, the one on Star Wars he bought a long time ago at that bookstore we went to with Adah and Johnny but he's finally getting to it now. It's a book on the making of the first Star Wars movie, because he said today he needed something that he could 'put down at any time to be ready for anything.'

And I feel my smile, drawing letters on that back, starting with 'A,' and I look down at my book, hearing Mr. Ramirez ask Mr. Leon for the roster of the class.

Everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be okay Jazmine, because we all talked about this, how we were all going to our lockers super early, getting to this class earlier than the other students to surprise them, to surprise him so he couldn't send us to the principal's office right away or one at a time, separating us, making him panic first when he walked in and saw all of us here, together, knowing he would call security, hoping it would be Mr. Ramirez that came, and then Riley, who is in tenth grade, would ask Mr. Ramirez to check the roster for who's supposed to be in this class.

Focus Jazmine and keep reading.

The Birth of a Nation was not just lauded in Atlanta and throughout the South; it also garnered the critical praise of politicians, clergy, businessmen, and philanthropists from California to New York. President Woodrow Wilson, a professional historian, extolled the historical accuracy of the film's portrayal of a "tragic era." African Americans were not impressed, however. They were horrified by the perpetuation of myths and stereotypes that had become so deeply ingrained in American culture that they were taken at face value, even by those who identified themselves as enlightened liberals. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).

I put a little star next to that because I like starring NAACP when I see it, and I hear the inhales as they're going through those names on the roster I think.

Focus Jazmine and keep reading.

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) launched a nationwide protest campaign against the film, urging boycotts and the formation of a black film company to counter racial slander.

And I hear those curse words and I feel my smirk, hearing that screech say, "What!"

I hear that sound, close my notebook, put it in my backpack with my pen and pencil, zip it up, and get up.

That message. Shit.

I start walking to the door and I see that girl, two girls, possibly three with the last one standing by the door.

I move around them, hearing them call me, and I excuse myself.

I walk out, hearing a sound, possibly the one that had been standing by the door saying something or another.

I hear her next to me, I exhale, and I say, "I don't have time."

I hear her say, "But I just wanted to talk to you about something important Huey, please."

I inhale, turning the corner, and I say, "I do not have time for this and whatever it is, if it's about the lecture, I'm sure you can ask someone else."

These damn kids with their questions on matter and energy so they can get by without doing any actual work, research, of their own, and I hear that sound.

Shit.

I stop, seeing her pass me, and I see her stop in front of me, turning around.

And I see her face, annoying me, confusing me, about why she looks like she's about to cry.

I inhale and say, "What is it? You have three seconds."

I see her look up, see her eyes dry up, the sign of panicking, and she says, "I heard, you know, that girl you hang out with, Jazmine is."

I inhale, see her exhale, looking away, possibly nervous if I cared, and she says, "Well, I heard right now during second she went to the bathroom, was in there with one of the new guys that started this year, think his name is Troy Fairbanks, and I just wanted to tell you cuz you deserve better, a nicer girl, and you're just a really nice…"

I start walking, moving around her, remembering that message, feel her grab my wrist, and I twist out of it.

I exhale, wondering when the hell their parents, them, all of them, started thinking we want them touching us, seeing those kids coming out of that class moving out of my way, hearing her behind me apologizing, and I say, "I don't care and I'm not interested in what you have to say."

I walk into that class and I hear her say, "But why not Huey? I mean I'm telling you the truth because I think you're really nice and…"

I see that idiot to my left, two seats down, see him turn to me, knowing I'm not handling that, Caesar is, whenever the hell he choose to, and we haven't talked about any of this shit, we will be in the next hour, all these damn changes, and I look over at her, see her get up, and see her walk up to me.

I inhale, remembering those messages from Jazmine and Caesar, and I say, "How are you?"

I see her inhale, see her look away, and she says, "'Kay guess, let's just get the fuck outta here, cuz I don't wanna see him."

I nod and say, "Stay on my left."

I see her nod, see her look behind me, and she says, "Who you skanky hoe?"

I exhale, close my eyes, and I hear that girl say, "Veronica Chesterfield and I was," and I hear Ming say, "You know, I'm having a real bad fucken day, been having one since like an hour ago and I ain't give a shit 'bout kicking no skanky girl's ass that's following my girl's man so move out the way or I'ma beat you and leave you here so Jazmine can come get what's left."

I open my eyes, see her inhale, and I say, "Ming."

I see her look away, nod, and she says, "Yeah, yeah, just get me the fuck outta here so I can hug him and see my girl."

I nod and turn around.

I see that girl, see her look up at me, possibly smile, and she says, "So you're busy, I'll see you in class tomorrow, and just remember what I told you, that's what my friend texted me that girl Jazmine was doing during second."

I see her turn around, walking away, and I hear Ming say, "What?"

I exhale and say, "Not important, let's go."

I start walking, moving out of the way to let her out first, knowing that idiot is still in this class, more than likely waiting, seeing him stand up out of the corner of my eye, and I follow her out.

We start walking down the hallway, I hear her exhale, and I hear her say, "Sorry 'bout that, starting shit here, and then that back there with that asshole, and now you gotta come faster cuz of the way they got us all set up with classes, and I just wanna hug him, but I'm almost getting in stupid fights first day of school, and I'm just, you know, sorry Hu."

I exhale and hear her say, "And sorry, know we're all close, but I probably shouldn't call you that."

We turn the corner, knowing he's behind us, as I'm staying a few inches behind her, and I say, "You're practically him with as much as we all hang out so you calling me whatever he chooses to call me is fine and don't worry about it, I think we're all stressed out today, and I know."

I exhale, knowing I want to see her too.

We keep walking, feeling that tiredness from the last three hours.

Damn.

Homeroom where I had to be on edge, prepared, at all times, having those soft fingers on my back when that racist counselor who believes he's qualified to be a homeroom teacher now was not looking, then first period, a class I get to have with her again solely because we're on the same mathematical trajectory, in Calculus one this year, a class I will have no problem passing, if not even keeping the GPA I have right now, knowing I could have moved up by now to the next math class, several teachers have told me, but every time they've given me the opportunity to move up certain classes, specifically math and history, I've told them I'd rather stay on the course I'm on.

And I hear Ming say, "So 'least you got first with Jazzy, no other huh?"

I exhale and say, "Not with my damn luck."

I hear her exhale and I hear her say, "Yeah, same, only got him for homeroom with everyone, then for fifth, well, will get him for fifth, study hall for now, 'til practice next week and then we all switch over to basketball and band and I guess soccer for Hiro, and we'll be close to each other, he'll be next door in band, Laurie's Hiro out in the field, and then 'course Cin Bear and her Riles will be there in practice with me and Laurie, but that's it, that's all we got this year, mean it feels like Ms. Lola tried but we all know this shit's happening cuz of that asshole that sata's using to try to keep us apart."

I nod, walking down this hallway, knowing I'll see her in less than ten seconds, knowing the reason I've told those teachers I wanted to stay on the course I'm on with the subjects of history and math is because those aren't her strong points and she struggles in those subjects, and I would constantly tell myself a lie, that I stayed in those classes to help her succeed in them, more so if we happen to be in the same class that semester, but if I'm being honest with myself today, seeing that blonde afro at this distance, I know I've stayed in those classes because and only because I wanted to have her near if possible, at least once a day at whichever institution we were in, be it middle school or this school, and I don't care how lunatic or obsessed that sounds, like a man that needs a woman near him for his own sanity, for his own sake, not caring, knowing I must've lost my logic before I accepted I was in love with her, seeing her there, feeling my eyebrows lower seeing him, someone I don't know, standing in front of her, and I inhale, seeing him move in to possibly touch her, and I hear Ming tell me to go, knowing I can't when that idiot is behind us, following her from their class, and I feel my exhale, seeing her move back, behind Caesar and I see her move that hand out, seeing those full lips say, 'It was nice meeting you too, see you later.'

I see that fucken idiot I don't know shake her hand and see him turn around and walk away.

And knowing I'm finally close enough I say, "Jazmine."

I see her turn to me, see that face, see that smile that's reserved for me, and I see her open those arms, going in, feeling her put those long arms around me, putting my damn face in that hair, the one that smells like what I've missed for the last fucken hour, knowing this is lunatic, after having her next to me every day all of that short vacation, knowing where she was at all times during the day and even at night, the only times not knowing exactly where she was being when she was in her house with the alarm on, when she was spending time with her mother and sister, or when she was at that horrible crowded place two days ago, making sure to have my cell phone on me on high volume and vibrate so I could leave the moment I heard or felt it to get to that horrible and crowded place, all that damn time we spent together, too short, putting my arms around what's mine, has been mine since we moved here, knowing I have lost my logic and I couldn't fucken care less, smelling that strawberry shampoo, whatever lotions that do not irritate me she uses, feeling those hips press against mine, and I hear myself say the truth, "Fuck, I missed you."

I hear that giggle, hugging her, bringing her into me, more of what I want, feeling her, and I hear that voice say, "I missed you too. How was physics, even though I know you were probably bored and all the students probably also kept asking you questions because they know you're super smart and because they just don't want to read the textbook or even look up stuff online, even on the first day of school?"

Fuck.

I inhale, closing my eyes to enjoy this before I have to deal with more of today, and say the truth, "It was pointless, all of it, they don't matter, and who was that?"

I feel that back I'm holding exhale, feeling those long fingers moving over the back of my neck, possibly relaxing, and I hear that voice say, "A guy in my physics class, a new student, and Ms. Furguson had him sit next to me because, and this is kind of embarrassing specially because I've never had Ms. Furguson for any class, but in front of the class she said that I don't get distracted with boys, something I remember Ms. Reed and Ms. Hoffman saying last year, so she wanted him to sit next to me, he did, and then he kept asking me questions, and after class he said he didn't know where the cafeteria was so I told him where it was, walked out of class, and then he walked up behind me and started walking with me. I asked him if he still needed help getting to the cafeteria and he said he didn't and he just wanted to walk me there and I told him that was nice of him but I was meeting my friends and my boyfriend, he said that was fine and he just wanted to walk me wherever I was meeting them. We got here, I introduced him to Caes, and then he left."

And I hear that voice say, "That brother weird tiny one, all I'm saying, and I don't like that fool walking you but you too damn welcoming."

I inhale, knowing he might be many things but when it comes to us, his friends, his judgement of those around his friends is never wrong and he tells them in order to protect them, even if that means losing those friends, feeling her move, possibly to look in Caesar's direction, and I hear that voice say, "Don't worry big brother, I'll be okay, and I'll be extra careful with Troy."

I inhale, feeling that back I'm holding, and I hear Ming say, "Oh shit, Jazzy I gotta tell you some shit they were saying in second, 'bout that Troy guy, some shit I told them to stop saying or I'd beat 'em there."

I exhale, closing my eyes, not giving a shit, trusting her, possibly the closest person to me, smelling that hair, that afro being held down by the hairpin she somehow received from Aunt Cookie, and I hear that voice say, "Okay Mimi's but I want to know how you're doing first and then you can tell me that okay?"

I inhale, knowing this day is only going to be too fucken long after this next hour, feeling her moving, and I hear that voice say into my ear, "Bestie, I love you, I missed you too, and I'll hug you right after, promise, but let me give Mimi a hug because I think she needs it after her last period."

I exhale, letting go some, knowing she's trying to take care of her friend, feeling her hug me possibly harder, and I hear that voice again say, "And I know something's up with you, I can feel it, and we're not leaving the table without you guys today, remember I brought your favorite, and I'm touching you for all of lunch, okay?"

I exhale, hugging what's mine, has been mine since we moved here, knowing I have lost my logic and I couldn't fucken care less, feeling good smelling that strawberry shampoo, lotions that she uses that I like, feeling those hips press against mine, and I hear myself say the truth again, "That Jazmine head, I know, and hurry back."

I see her sit on his lap, having this bad feeling, and I hear that sweet deep voice say, "You think they're fucking?"

I blink, hearing them laughing, making me laugh, putting my head on that shoulder, hearing that cute laugh of his, and I exhale, closing my eyes, trying to relax, hopefully, before the rest of the day, kind of knowing that this day is just feeling way too long, but right now it's felt so relaxing, so good, even after all we talked about, all of that, 'protocol,' class schedules, people we miss, dumb people, and things we can't do anything about, and I hear that voice say, "For real, hope they are."

I open my eyes and exhale, seeing those deep ocean black eyes looking at her red binder with that small smile on her, looking at her red binder, the one that now has all those Latin American countries she wants to visit around the map of China and the Caribbean Sea, all those countries she wants to visit one day, and I hear that cute kiss Caesar just gave her, seeing Ming's pretty smile get bigger, feeling my smile, knowing even if she's dealing with that guy in her second period now, Caesar's dealing with that girl in his second period, all of that, they both don't care, and Ming's a really strong girl, and they're going to be happy no matter what, and I hear that voice say, "Wish I was more like you or Cin Bear just sometimes Mimi's, sometimes, you know, telling people, teachers, that you don't wanna sit next to people, you don't wanna see them, and it's just like that, I just wish, you know."

I inhale, moving over a little, putting my hand on that leg, and I hear her exhale and hear Hiro say, "Be you babe and you figure it out."

I exhale, moving my hand over her leg, feeling her move a little closer to me, and I look over at her, see her move into Hiro's neck, and I feel my small smile knowing he's right.

And I hear that sweet deep voice say, "'Member Laurie, when that shit happens, you come over, 'kay, no calling, just bring your butt over, call and we come get you, and we have extra shit in our house, toothbrushes and all that, and you use my shit next day."

I hear that giggle, seeing those long layers nod with her face in Hiro's neck, and I exhale and I say, "And you can use my clothes to sleep in, okay?"

I hear the laughing, making me laugh, I think because I am bigger than Lauren and she can use my clothes to sleep in and use my sister's clothes for school, seeing her laughing into Hiro's neck, hugging him, knowing she's been laughing with us for lunch, talking, but she's been a little quiet most of the day, like yesterday at the shelter, after she told us about that dinner her parents wanted her to go to last night that she didn't go to, hugging her, telling her she was having dinner with us at the Freeman house and then our mom would driver her home, we would all have dinner at the Freeman house because Ms. Lola was going to be there to tell us some stuff, seeing her nod with her small smile and those watery hazel eyes, and then we had dinner, but she was still quiet, and she's still been quiet today, probably thinking about that dinner she didn't go to with her parents last night, trying to make her laugh during lunch right now, and I hear the bell.

Darn it.

But at least I'll have her with me next period to try to make her smile and hug her if she needs hugs. And then I'll keep texting her, checking on her, even if I know I have some other friends I want to make sure to hang out with during my fourth and fifth period. But, I won't have him anymore, not for any more classes today.

I exhale, looking over at him.

And I see him exhale looking at me, feeling my small smile, and I say, "I know bestie, it sucks, but maybe, can you still walk me to third if we leave now, please?"

I inhale, hoping he's okay with that, even if we don't have third period together anymore, and I see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and he says, "Why would I not?"

I exhale and say, "Because your class is in the next building and I don't want you to be late and Hiro's gonna walk us over to our class so," and I feel him kiss me, tasting that quinoa with his favorite jalapenos, that fresh apple he ate, and I exhale, putting my hands on that neck, knowing I'm really not going to have him for the rest of the day, wondering if this day can go a little faster, hearing Mr. Leon telling us to stop.

I exhale, moving away, not wanting to get him in trouble, opening my eyes, and I see him lick that bottom lip, thinking about maybe going to our janitor's room even if it is the first day of school, and I hear that voice say, "Jazzy next week 'kay."

I shake my head, knowing Lauren's right and we do have to go to all of our classes today, specially if we already showed up to our homeroom, or we'll get in trouble, bigger trouble than just being told to stop kissing, and I see him turn away with that annoyed look, sliding off the bench.

And I feel my smile seeing him stand up, looking at me with his hand out, so I grab it and let that strong tall boy with that annoyed look help me up.

And we start walking out of the cafeteria with our friends, staying close to each other.

I see those people around us and I grab that hand, feeling him putting those fingers through mine, passing so many people that don't like us, creeps, mean jerks, really creepy jerks, remembering my grandma for some weird reason, feeling my smile knowing no matter what, just as long as we all 'follow protocol' we'll be okay because of my grandma.

And I exhale, passing them, waving at Dewey, not really looking at Cairo because I'm still annoyed that he sent those texts on Saturday night, remembering looking over at them during lunch and seeing that they weren't talking, Dewey and Cairo, Dewey was looking at his phone, looking annoyed or mad, I don't know, but I just got this feeling that Dewey was mad and Cairo was just there looking away, I think talking to some girls, and then I saw Cairo look at me, and I looked away.

I hear Hiro telling Lauren that if it happens again that he'll go pick her up and take her wherever she wants to go, his house or her friends' houses, feeling my smile, putting my head on that shoulder I'm walking next to, and I say, "I love you."

I feel that kiss on my head, making me smile, and hear that sound, looking over at where I heard it come from.

And I exhale, passing that girl, the one that just walked into that opened locker, who's looking at him, that girl that I think left that note last semester, all those girls, wondering how he doesn't see how they drool over him, and I look over at him.

I exhale, seeing that how clean his chin looks, I think because he shaved this morning, put on that old t-shirt, and came over to my house so we could be at school early to get to our homeroom early, the one Ms. Lola said at dinner last night she would switch us girls into this morning right before school started and they printed out the rosters and all we had to do is show up, be on the roster, be marked as showing up, and unless we do something bad now Mr. Leon can't kick us out, and we had to do that because Ashley made it so all the guys had to be in that homeroom with her and Ms. Lola said the only thing she could do about it is move us into that class because luckily it wasn't full until we showed up on the roster this morning. And she even told us she didn't know what our classes would be this semester because only our homeroom teachers know that and they only find out when they're passing out the schedules to us but she did try to make it so that we all had the same subjects for the same periods, hoping that would help when the school set up our class schedule, so that we could maybe have some classes together, but it just didn't work out as well this semester she said. Ms. Lola. She's so warm and nice.

I exhale, getting to that class, thinking about Ms. Lola, and I say, "We need to make her a nice dinner."

I hear Lauren say, "Was thinking that too, maybe we can start with bringing some treats for her tomorrow."

I feel my smile, feeling those rough fingers I'm holding going into my pocket, not knowing what he's doing, and I say, "Okay, we'll talk about it with my sis and Mimi's, but for sure low sugar because she needs to know how much sugar she eats."

And I feel that kiss on my cheek, hearing those curse words from those girls, seeing them roll their eyes and walk into that class.

I exhale, stopping, hearing Lauren talking to Hiro, and I turn and I look up at him.

I inhale, feeling weird, seeing that face, those eyes, that red in those eyes, that nose, those cheekbones, those lips, that chin, all covered in that skin, wondering if he knows, if he really knows what he looks like, seeing those reds blink, seeing that cute smirk, and he says, "Whatever it is you're thinking, it's probably not true."

I feel my smile and I start laughing, putting my face in that chest, hugging him, feeling his backpack with my arms, and I say, "No, it's true, for sure, you're really cute, the cutest guy ever, and super hot, why so many girls think they should be with you and not me, even if you belong to me, but you don't see it, how they look at you I guess."

I feel that exhale in that hard chest, smelling him, not caring about those girls or dumb people, feeling that hand moving my hair behind my ear, and I hear that voice say into my ear, "Then why is it that I still dream about you, and now, wearing nothing, over me?"

I exhale, feeling my face getting so warm, knowing it's already red, being here, with him, feeling that hand going under my shirt I think, thinking about what he just said, swallowing, nervous I think, and I say, "I don't know, maybe because we've known each other for so long and we both dream about each other at night."

I inhale, knowing I've never said that out loud, that sometimes, sometimes, a lot, I dream about him, waking up with a smile on my face knowing after brushing my teeth I can be in his house, in his room, under the covers with him, in about half a minute, and that's when we're sleeping at our houses and not with each other, missing him so much even last night, and I hear that voice telling us to stop fraternizing and go to class, knowing he has to be following us, he has to, and I hear that voice in my ear say, "Remember, protocol."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yes, don't go to the restroom during periods if I can help it, if I have to try to go with a friend or text a friend to tell them what restroom I'm going to, keep my cell in my pocket, if anything happens call and you'll find me with my iPhone finder, walk to and from class with a friend if I can, and I want you to do the same okay, please?"

I feel the exhale in that hard chest, making me smile, hearing that voice telling us we have five seconds before we're in trouble, and I kiss that chest, and I say, "I love you, go baby."

I move back, not looking up, knowing I'll kiss him again, probably getting him in more trouble, and I turn around, see that small smile on her, and I smile, grab her hand, and walk into class.

We walk in and I instantly feel it, that feeling of people looking at us, seeing that long dark hair on her, those layers I trimmed yesterday at my house before going over to Grandad's dinner, my sister, Ming, and me in our bathroom trimming her hair, letting her talk about that dinner she didn't want to go to, how she was feeling, listening to her, how her parents told her she didn't have to be there but they wanted her to be there, how she didn't want to, seeing her do that thing she did in Chicago when she was talking about her parents telling her they were going to Florida, feeling her shaking, hugging her, and telling her we were going to have fun talking with Ms. Lola and everyone at the Freeman house and then, only after the dinner at her house was over, we would take her home, if she wanted to go home.

I exhale, sitting down, seeing her sit down in front of me, feeling my smile, knowing we'll keep taking care of her, we will, putting my backpack down on the floor, sitting back up, feeling my smile, grabbing that long hair, hearing her giggle, and I start braiding it.

And I hear some of the students, the guys, talking about the teacher for this class I think, hearing the first bell ring, remembering there's two more bells after the 'lunch ends' bell, knowing Huey and Hiro have another five minutes to make it to their classes before the last tardy bell rings and luckily their classes are both in the next building, and I hear her say, "Mierda."

I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "What's wrong Lau," and I hear a voice say, "Como gane la lotería."

I look over at him and I exhale, seeing that guy, in this class, not knowing why I thought at least this class would be fun, maybe because Lauren and me would be together after I got into Spanish two because I took the online-timed test at the end of summer after Lauren kept telling me to try to take it, see if I passed it, and I did, and I was so happy when I saw on my schedule that I would at least have the same third period with Lauren even if last semester I had history with Huey and Caesar, but at least I would have Lauren, and now there's this guy.

I see him starting to walk over to us, hearing those curse words from Lauren, knowing she doesn't need this, not after last night, knowing she's stressed out because of that and just school like all of us, seeing that guy getting close, and I hear myself say, "Stop!"

I see him stop, not hearing the talking from other students anymore, and I exhale and I say, "You, Gerado's cousin, will stay over there, I don't care if you're in this class, I don't, but you are not going to stress her out today, not today, or I will drag you out and then tell Mackenzie to call Gerardo, and then you'll deal with me, Gerardo, and Hiro, but today I don't want my friend to deal with all of that, so just leave her alone and go away."

I see him exhale, see him roll his eyes, and see him turn down that row, a few rows away, and I exhale, putting my hand on that shoulder, and I hear her say, "Love you Jazzy."

I move up and I kiss that head, hearing her giggle.

I move back down, playing with her hair, hearing the students, the guys I think, talking about Lauren, how pretty she is, and I think talking about the teacher again, I think a new teacher, about how hot she is, hearing the girls groan, making me giggle, and I hear that voice whisper, "So happy our boyfriends are not like that."

I feel my smile, braiding that long dark hair she lets me trim, hearing that second bell ring, hoping, trusting that Huey and Hiro got to their fourth period on time, and I hear that chair next to me move.

I exhale, ready to drag him out because I'm not going to let him stress her out today, not today, and I look over at him, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing him looking at me, I think blushing like that first time I passed that handkerchief so he could give it to Mackenzie, remembering last semester, and I say, "Marvin?"

I see him smile, for sure blushing, and he says, "You remembered me."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, feeling my smirk, nod, and say, "Of course, you were in Ms. Reed's class with me a whole year you know, even if we only talked those few times, we even worked together in group, and then we did go to middle school together even if we didn't really know each other back then, oh and talking about Ms. Reed's class I'm sorry about interrupting you when you were talking to her that last day, I needed to leave and I wanted to make sure she had gotten my email, but I'm still really sorry I interrupted you."

I see him exhale, smirking, and he says, "Well, if you want, even if you don't have to, you can make it up to me helping me in this class."

I feel my smile, feeling a little embarrassed, and I say, "I'm the one that's going to need the help because I haven't even taken Spanish one, I just took the test to get into this class, got in, and only because my lovable, smart friend helped me practicing so much with her during summer."

I look over at her, see she turned around and is looking at me, seeing her shake her head with her hair coming out of that braid, seeing her blushing, 'glowing' my sister calls it because of her perfect chocolate colored skin, and she says, "You did the work Jazzy, asking me questions in Spanish all the time, you know, being Jazzy, bringing me my té, and I just tried to help you if you said the word in the wrong way, but you always said the right word and that's a lot."

I roll my eyes, knowing she doesn't know how good her Spanish is, how perfect it sounds, how I could remember those words, like saying té instead of tea because she said it perfectly, making it sound so pretty, and I hear Marvin say, "Well, my Spanish is okay, I know how to talk in Spanish, why I got into this class, but I can't really spell or write it, so can I have both of you help me and I promise to sit here so that guy doesn't bother you?"

I look over at Marvin, see that raised eyebrow, and I nod, happy, and I see him exhale, seeing him smile and I think blush, thinking this might be okay, and I hear a voice say, "Good afternoon everyone, I apologize for being late, won't happen again, I was just finding my way back to the classroom, but beginning tomorrow I expect everyone to be in their seat before the second and last bell rings or you will be marked late, and also, very important, the moment that bell rings you are expected to speak Spanish and only Spanish, whether it's spoken correctly or not, until the period ends."

And I feel my mouth open, blinking, looking at her, a lady with long dark hair that reaches her lower back, golden skin, but also white, so white under a tan I think, dark thick but shaped eyebrows, dark big slanted eyes, high cheekbones, that long thin nose that makes her look kind of royal, and those lips, long, but heart-shaped in the middle, and tall, I think, maybe, a little shorter than Huey, and then that long pink blazer, like a blazer my mom has, one that matches that pink purse she put down on her desk, with a white silky shirt underneath that blazer.

And I see her walk from behind the desk, hearing something, hearing the guys, I think a lot of people inhale seeing that long skirt that shows her figure as she's walking up to the board, and I hear something else, I think.

I look over at where I heard that sound coming from, looking over at her, in front of me.

I see her not moving, at all, not saying anything, but seeing it, the shaking in her shoulder, not seeing her face because she's looking up at the front, seeing that shoulder shaking, and I put my hand on that shoulder, touching it, and I see her stand up.

I look up, seeing her looking at the front, not seeing her face, just seeing her hands open and shaking, and I say, "Laurie, what's wrong?"

I hear that lady, our teacher I think, say, "Please sit down so we can start the class."

And I see that loose braid I was working on, that cute purple shirt she's wearing with those white flowers on the hem move up, hearing her hit her leg on the desk, and I see her run around her desk towards the door.

I get up, seeing her getting to the door, and I say, "Laurie!"

I see her run out, seeing her going down the hallway to the left, and I look at that lady, see her look away and exhale I think, and I say, "I'm sorry can I," and she says, "Yes, and please take both your things, you can be excused today, and I'll tell the front office you're taking her to the nurse."

I feel my eyebrow rise, bend down, grabbing our backpacks, and I thank her, running out, going to the left, seeing that door closing, the girl's restroom.

I start running to that door, not knowing what's happening, but knowing I need to hug her right now.

I inhale, reading that message, again.

Hiro's walking them from the nurse's office to their next class, both of them, I know that.

I exhale and I hear him say, "Damn bro, that some shit."

I exhale and nod, knowing this day was only going to go so well, well enough, that first hour only because she would be there, they would all be there, I could focus on that, the words I happen to be reading in that book, and had a 'feeling' that based on how last year went things would only get worse, knowing how many look, how many of these damn kids I need to watch, including the staff here, that fucken racist counselor, and I hear him say, "Man, know it ain't all bad but I want this fucken day to end."

I nod, feeling my eyebrow rise, reading that message a final time, leaving the vibrate on, putting my phone back in my pocket, looking up to see how close we are, a class we'll be taking together again this year when I can ask him specific questions, remembering he's dealing with his own shit, and I say, "How are you doing?"

I hear him exhale and I hear him say, "Better man, not all the way there, but better, think just being here, no matter how fucked up it's been, it's helping me focus on shit that's happening right now, these fucken kids man, classes, I don't know, keeping her safe, 'way from fucken pussies that I'll beat every time they look at her, even if I'm happy she can handle, telling them she don't wanna sit next to his ass or look at him or she'll beat him with a fucken chair, shit, made my ass proud, instead of leaving class she just told them straight up they make her sit next to his ass she'll fucken beat him, and 'bout me, I don't even care who's in class with my ass, that crazy bitch I got for second, kinda like some crazy fucked up joke that I got her and my girl got that fucken pussy for the same period, different classes, mean something, some god or some clown, probably both, gotta be looking down, laughing at our fucked up situation."

I exhale, shaking my head, and I say, "You know as well as I do that nothing's out there man."

I inhale, thinking about my father's translation of the Qur'an, what I'm still learning about, whether or not I believe any of it, regardless of what I've said when I'm with her, when I'm in that place making love to her, and I hear him say, "Bro you know something out there, don't know what, don't really wanna know, too scared from the shit we seen in Chi-Town, the world man, to wanna look into it, mean maybe one day, but 'least for now I know my mom's believes some shit out there, even if I've told her that religion came from our oppressors and she just smacks me and tells me to not talk like that, and to tell you the truth, I just like that my girl believes in her folk's religion, Buddhism, but for them it's more 'bout the practice I guess, I just like that she believes something maybe so I don't gotta and I can just stay here, focus, and try to not think if I wanna see that fool when he's here, 'least not yet."

I nod, knowing he's still deciding, walking in, seeing him, nodding, and I walk up to that desk, walking back.

I get there, sit down, cracking my neck, and I feel that vibrate.

I take out my phone and I exhale, possibly feeling my smirk, that warmth, seeing she already found the friends she said would be walking with her to her next class, hearing Caesar sit down in front of me, and I hear him say, "No Jazmine?"

I look up, seeing him looking at me and I exhale and say, "No."

I see Mr. Delay nod, see him look back down at that paper, the roster possibly, see him exhale, and he says, "Will bring down the aggregate GPA for the class but what can you do."

And I feel my smirk, possibly laughing, shaking my head.

I see him look up at me, seeing his eyebrow rise, possibly smirking, and he says, "You find a way to have her show up once in a while."

I exhale and nod, knowing it'll make that Jazmine head happy knowing this teacher wants to have her visit, and I hear Caesar say, "Mr. Delay you think I can see that roster, just to see who we dealing with this semester?"

And I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Mr. Delay handing that paper to Caesar and I shake my head, taking my notebook out, knowing since last semester this teacher has yet to refuse any of Caesar's request whether that was taking a nap during class or taking over the class for the portion on Caribbean uprisings, knowing this semester this class will focus on U.S. History from the Civil War to the Vietnam War, and this teacher will probably start lecturing the moment the second bell rings, and I hear Caesar, "Interesting, see how that goes."

I look up, see Caesar handing that roster back to Mr. Delay, and I look down, not caring, writing the date in my notebook, and I hear a voice say, "This U.S. History?"

I look up, feeling my eyebrow rise, seeing him walk in, and I hear Mr. Delay say, "Yes it is, please sit wherever you want since I haven't made a seating chart yet but once I do, if I see that anyone's distracted where they're sitting I'll just move them, but for now you have your pick."

And I inhale, seeing the one behind him walk in, and I hear Caesar say, "Shit gonna get interesting, all I'm saying."

I exhale, seeing him, that idiot that tried talking to her at lunch, walking in behind him, towards the back, hearing those female students calling him, and I look down at my notebook, knowing at least for this period that idiot isn't in another one of her classes, and I hear Caesar say, "Hey man."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling my smirk, shaking my head at him saying Jazmine is the welcoming one, knowing they both have that quality, possibly why she calls him her older brother, hearing those steps, hearing him sit down in the row next to us, and I hear him say, "Hey man."

I hear Caesar say, "So you in this with us? Means you can take notes for us when we're too busy to be here."

I exhale, hearing him laughing, knowing I'm not trusting him to take notes for me, possibly, maybe, if Caesar isn't here and those hips that were pressed against me today when I was dropping her off at her third period want to be alone in that janitor's room she childishly calls 'our' janitor room, then maybe I'll let him take notes for me, maybe, and I hear him say, "Man, that's why we got phones, just record what he's saying and write shit down as I need to."

I shake my head and I hear him continue, "Man, ain't you never done it when you're too tired to write shit down?"

I exhale and I hear Caesar say, "If you asking my bro then the answer's no man, never takes the easy way, but that shit, recording, works for me but just make sure you take some notes cuz Mr. Delay will notice that shit no matter how cool he seems, he still notices shit."

I turn the page to the next one to write down what she asked for, the process of going through the platforms, knowing she has the important information memorized, the passwords, she just wants to help more because she'll have more time now she said, feeling my smirk, and I hear him say, "Huey."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, see him looking at me, and I nod.

I see him exhale and he says, "You know that shit that happened, this weekend, Saturday?"

I inhale and nod.

I see him exhale and he says, "I don't do that kinda shit man, I'm cool with her, helped me out getting my job, and I like her but not like that, like just a friend man, and that shit wasn't me, got my shit back the next day and didn't talk to that fool 'til today."

I exhale, nod, and I say, "I know man and don't worry about it, she knows it wasn't you."

I see him exhale, possibly seeing relief pass over him, and he says, "Cool and just so you know, there's still some shit I'm not cool with but."

I see him inhale and he says, "Known him for a long fucken time and he's dumb as fuck sometimes, like I know I can be, specially when it comes to those girls, the ones that look like they do, like you ain't gonna see another one like that, so I know why he does dumb shit sometimes, reason why I just get over it and not think about it, the stupid shit he does, and it's hard man, here, so I just let it go and talked to him today, only telling him he does that shit again, takes my phone like that, I'll break it over his head."

I exhale, knowing they have been friends for a long time, possibly why he is here, because he has followed him behind all his dumbass mistakes, knowing he is a fucken idiot, taking his phone, using it to send those messages, and then possibly acting like it didn't matter at all.

And I know she likes him, she didn't block his phone number the next day, and I saw that small hand wave at him when we passed him in the cafeteria.

I inhale, seeing him looking at me, possibly waiting for my answer, and I exhale and say the truth, "If that shit happens again don't be an idiot breaking your own phone, break his phone over his head, even if you two have been friends as long as you have because friends don't do that shit, but I know, know it's hard here, where you only got people you know, being here in whitecrest."

I see him exhale and I say, "It's fine, I get it, you said what you said back then, it's done, but it is hard to get to know people here, if you want to know people, but just know if that idiot continues to make dumbass mistakes, not just the ones that annoy the fuck out of me, but ones that can get him kicked out of that program, don't follow his ass anymore, and as long as you respect the girls you won't be alone in whitecrest."

I see him exhale, see him nod, possibly smirk, and I hear Caesar say, "And since we trying to be cool with you, I know that crazy Chantel fucking that pussy that still after my girl but if that shit don't work out cuz they get tired of each other you mind keeping her busy cuz I don't want her crazy ass bothering me in a class I got with her?"

I shake my head, looking back down at that page I was working on, hearing Dewey laughing, hearing that bell with Mr. Delay going over those class goals they need to go over with us, as I'm going back to that first page where I wrote down today's date, and I hear Dewey say, "Nah man, done with that, want me a good one, like you'll got, don't care who she been with as long as she's good to my ass, and that girl's a crazy bitch man."

I hear myself laughing, hearing them laughing, thinking this class could be interesting.

I say, "Okay, definitely you'll make it better, interesting for sure, and I'm so happy you're there."

I see her exhale and she says, "Jazzy I know you still thinking about it."

I inhale and I nod, knowing she's right but I can't help it, knowing she said she'd be okay but I still want to meet her right after, knowing 'protocol,' kind of not wanting to follow it, just going to the front of the school right away, not waiting.

I see her small smile and she says, "Must be bad if you still have that face, all worried like that, but try to not worry cuz whatever's going on she can handle, remember she comes from one of them Latino families that scared some jerk so much he moved to Puerto Rico."

I exhale, remembering that story about her dad going to scare that guy that was harassing her mom, seeing that pretty smile on her, feeling my smile, and she says, "That's way better, keep it up 'kay?"

I inhale, feeling my eyes getting watery, and I go in and I hug her.

I inhale, hugging her like I did Lauren in the restroom, hearing her telling me, letting her talk, cry, talk, cry more, feeling her hugging me so hard, and then after cleaning her face I sent that text to Huey and Hiro, telling them where we were going. Then we walked over to the nurse's office and we saw Hiro there in front of the office, waiting, saw him walk up to us, and I saw her run into him.

I felt my small smile, felt those tears hearing her telling him, crying, feeling those tears coming down my face with those braids in my face, telling her, how hard it was, how she cried, how she was so mean to her, and I inhale, feeling her hugging me, opening my eyes, seeing those braids.

Oh my god.

I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't, and I hear her whisper, "Jazzy don't worry, only I heard and that's some shit, some real messed up shit, why you were so quiet only saying Lauren wasn't okay and she had to go to the nurse's, but don't worry cuz I'm not saying anything, not to anyone, I promise, and just know, just know 'kay, that shit's gonna work out like you always say, 'kay?"

I exhale, closing my eyes, letting the tears come down, shaking, thinking about Lauren, how small she felt when I was hugging her, how small she looked with Hiro hugging her, and then wanting to not let go of her when Hiro was dropping me off at my fourth period, my history class I was happy I knew Lena would be in after she had texted me her schedule, so happy I was going to have her for this one class, hearing the bell ring, letting go of Lauren, seeing that small smile, that pretty smile, and telling her I'd see her after school, seeing her nod with that small smile, wanting to hug her again, and I hear that bell ring.

I inhale, letting go of her, seeing that small smile on Lena, and I exhale and I say, "I'm so sorry Lena you're gonna be," and she exhales and says, "Jazzy, class 'round the corner, I'll be there in half a minute, don't worry, are you gonna be okay?"

I exhale, feeling my small smile, nod, and I say, "Yes, promise, and you're right about everything, she comes from a strong mom and dad and she's just a strong girl and everything will work out and I have to stay positive, I have to."

I see her exhale with her smile and she says, "You got a napkin?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, looking down in my pockets, remembering I didn't grab any before lunch ended and I think I left my handkerchief at home, putting my hands in my pockets, and I feel that paper in my pocket, pulling it out, a folder paper, confused, and I see that hand grab the paper and I feel her put it on my face.

I feel her using it to wipe my tears, making me smile, and I grab that paper, knowing, and I say, "Lena, I'm okay, better because you're such a good friend, thank you for letting me tell you and thank you for the cookies you brought on Saturday, my sister loved them and I had to keep her away from them the next night, so bring more next time we all hang out, but first, don't be late on the first day, okay?"

I see her roll those charcoal eyes with that blush, remembering how much fun we all had eating those cookies she brought to the mall, seeing my sister's eyes get so big seeing all those different kinds of cookies Lena said she had made with Phil's mom the day before just for us, all of us having so much fun knowing I can trust her, seeing that smirk on her, and she says, "Okay, okay, I know that look, going, but remember to just be Jazzy and know things always work out."

I exhale, feeling my smile, seeing her walk away to her class, knowing she's right and things always work out, right black Jesus?

And I turn around and I feel my eyebrow rise seeing him getting to the door.

I exhale, walking up to the door, seeing him there looking at me, and I look at the doorframe, away from him, looking at the board inside of class, the same classroom, because I don't even know what to say to him, not really, getting to the door, and I hear him say, "Can we talk?"

I exhale, stopping at the door, hearing the students inside, hearing that voice inside, and I say, "Look, how about, if we're going to be in this class together, I think a good thing because I know it's going to be a really awesome class, that we just don't do this, just don't, too much has happened, with everything last year, then summer, and," and I hear him say, "Can my mom 'least have your number?"

I look up at him, seeing him looking at me like that, almost like he's sad and tired, maybe, I don't know, and I exhale, thinking about her, that pretty scarf, her hair with those grays in it, how nice she was, and I say, "Of course she can Cairo, tell Ms. Lydia to call me anytime, I don't even know why you would ask."

And I inhale, remembering those texts from Dewey, the ones I know Cairo sent, that late at night, feeling sad again, like I've been feeling since third period, seeing his eyebrow rise, and he says, "You a'ight? Look like you been crying."

I feel my small smile and I turn, walking into class.

I hear him call me, walking in, feeling my smile, seeing them, not believing this, remembering them sending me their schedules so we could see if we had any classes together, seeing all of them, feeling like things are going to be okay, they are, and I'm just going to stay positive, making sure to hug her so hard when I see her after school, and I feel that hug, exhaling, hugging her back, and I hear her say, "Jazzy we saved your seat and he missed you no matter what he says."

I giggle, nodding, hugging Adah back, and I feel her let go of me.

And I look over at him, standing there, and I roll my eyes, and go in and I hug him, feeling him hug me, and I hear him say, "I know you all hung out on Saturday but I'm glad you're here."

I smile and I say, "Me too Johnny because I can just keep bugging you all with my talking this period again."

I hear him exhale and I hear him say, "Adah said she was gonna miss it if she didn't have you here."

I exhale, nodding, letting go, and I feel those arms hug me from behind, feeling my smile get bigger, and I hear Mackenzie say, "You finally got here."

I exhale, knowing my face is so red maybe because I have so many friends now, so many great friends in my classes, even if I saw them on Saturday, when we all hung out at the mall, remembering all of us hugging for so long, Adah, Mackenzie, Lena, and Lily all hugging us, my sister, Ming, Lauren, and me, like they hadn't seen us in a whole year, knowing we're so lucky, for sure I am so lucky to have them all.

And I look over at the class again, waving at them, so many people in here, knowing I still want to hang out with them, so happy I get to have them again, and then I see her, by her desk, that voice I had heard from outside, seeing her going through some papers, seeing her look at me, and I see her smile, thinking I might start crying again, knowing this semester is going to be awesome, I know it, I just do, and I hear that voice say, "Ms. Reed, can we talk?"

I look over at where that voice came from, hearing most of the students stop talking, seeing Cairo walking in front of her, passing her, seeing Ms. Reed look at her and she says, "Of course but I don't believe you're on the roster, won't you be late to your class? Would you rather talk after school?"

And I see her exhale and she says, "But this should be my elective."

I exhale, feeling Mackenzie letting go of me, walking over to that seat where I like to sit, the last row, second seat down, the one where I see that paper with my name written on it, feeling my smile knowing that's Mackenzie's writing, seeing Cairo sitting in front of that seat, and I inhale, hearing her ask Ms. Reed if they can talk right now before class starts because she should be in this class, and I exhale, remembering to stay positive because things always work out, right Black Jesus?

I inhale, seeing them hugging, seeing that optimism, the one she has enough of for both of us, the one she's probably giving her friend right now, the one he probably needs, and I look over at him.

I see him exhale looking at them, seeing that damn look my brother has had at times, the times I knew I had to follow him to stop his dumbass from doing stupid shit, and I say, "Hiro you can't kill her."

I see his eyebrow rise looking at them, hearing that voice ask her how she's feeling, hearing them all talking, and I hear my brother say, "Tol' him righ' now McHater, I'ma check his ass later on my break, no homo, make sure he at the store and not nowhere else."

And I hear Caesar say, "Yeah and I'ma be checking on him every hour, on the damn hour, every night for a long while."

I see that smirk on Hiro, see him shake his head, see him possibly snicker, and he says, "Man you all tripping, can't kill her, maybe make her ass disappear for a minute 'til she can find her way outta some abandoned building, but for sure I can warn her ass 'least showing up to drop off Lauren and pick her up, don't care if I'm late for my class, just gotta be there, make sure she sees my ass standing there, knows Lauren ain't alone no more and if she does say shit I'll make her ass disappear for some weeks."

I exhale, hearing my brother telling him to calm the fuck down and we'll figure this out.

I see Hiro exhale, hearing that voice telling her she wants her to sleep over their house tonight, hearing that voice I know is in that same class with Lauren during that period, knowing she'll be there, and I say, "Hiro you know she will be there, which means you only have to drop her off at most if all you want to do is warn her, and Jazmine will take care of the rest."

I hear them talking about Lauren sleeping over Jazmine and Cindy's house tonight and I exhale knowing tonight I wanted to climb that tree, walk that branch, and be in her room but somethings, some, are more important, and I hear Lauren say she wants that but maybe tomorrow because tonight she's sleeping at Hiro's house.

And I see that smirk on Hiro, shaking my head, hearing the girls possibly laughing, and I know, at least until tomorrow, after dropping her off at her house in the next hour, making sure she has the alarm on, driving over to the shelter, working as long as I'm there, and finally coming home, I should be able to enjoy myself, having her sit next to me while I take care of that busy work they assigned us today in those pointless classes, walking her back to her house, and crawling through that window later tonight.

And I see that fucken idiot, walking behind my brother, seeing Dewey next to him and I see Dewey nod at us.

I nod back, seeing Dewey waive at the girls, hearing them acknowledge him, seeing that fucken idiot next to him look away from her, seeing that look, the one he still has when he looks at her, knowing she said he didn't bother her, not today, that girl somehow managed to find a way to get enrolled in that class, the one I know is going to irritate me when she bothers her because she will, that fucken idiot walking away will still continue to irritate me, and I feel those long arms going around me, hugging me, feeling my smirk.

I look down at those hands on my stomach, seeing those rings, those long fingers, wondering when the hell my life became what it is today, and I hear that voice say into my back, "Let's go bestie so Riley and you can drop us off at our house because we don't want you two to be late to work, and I want to go home so I can laminate something."

I feel my damn smile, shaking my head, knowing she means that insignificant note I put in her pocket to remind her about my feelings for her, not caring when my life became what it is today, and I say, "That Jazmine head, I know."

I inhale, wondering when this happened, when I got on top, blinking, seeing him looking at me, shaking, knowing we can't make too much noise, not after today with so much that happened today.

After that, after our day, homeroom, classes where our friends had to deal with jerks, telling their teacher if they sit them near them they'll beat them, only getting up during lunch to go to the restroom if we were all going together, my sister, Ming, Lauren, and me all going to the restroom together, because too many people were there, looking at my sister and them, even some new students that I think started this year, some creepy people that I saw by the doors of the cafeteria a few times, then third period, oh my god.

I inhale, feeling him moving, seeing those big pupils looking at me.

Then after that happened for third, only being able to think about Lauren for fourth, happy Lena said she would send me a picture of her notes because I couldn't focus that period, knowing I should've been paying attention because some new students that just started at our school were in that class and they even introduced themselves, not remembering what they said, then Lena letting me tell her about what happened with Lauren, knowing I can trust her, because Lena's such a good friend.

Oh my god.

I exhale, trying to relax, wanting to kiss him but I don't want to move.

Then in Ms. Reed's class, everything looking like it was going to be okay, seeing so many friends there, and hearing that voice, looking over at where it came from, seeing Ms. Reed exhale and walk out with Michelle, hearing Ms. Reed tell us to not come outside or we would be marked late, to just read a book or do something quietly, hearing talking outside, I think another voice, maybe the principal's voice, I don't know, and then seeing them walk back in, Ms. Reed with Michelle behind her, and seeing Michelle sit down, looking back down at my book, and then hearing Ms. Reed tell us she was going to go over the class goals.

Fuck.

I inhale, closing my eyes, and I say, "Just hold on, please."

Then Ms. Reed told us she wanted to us to know how we all got into that class, so many people from our American Cultures class last year, how she asked the school to only add students from last year's class, from all her American Cultures Race Relations classes, that either got a B plus or higher both semesters last year or if they had brought their grade up by two letter grades from the first semester to the second one, and she was being strict about that requirement because this class, American Cultures Gender Relations, was going to have more readings and assignments than last year's class because it's an AP class.

I exhale, moving down, trying to not make noise, really trying.

And then after class, hugging her so hard, making sure she was okay and she knew she could come sleep over our house tonight, we saw her mom's car pull up to the front, and we saw her come out of that car, seeing her running up to us, and seeing her hug Lauren, feeling my small smile hearing her tell her in Spanish that she was worried and she wanted to tell her last night so she would know but they could talk at home. I saw Lauren nod hugging her mom and she said into those afro waves that she wanted that but she also wanted to sleep over at Hiro's house tonight. I heard Ms. Lorena, knowing my Spanish is a lot better, say that was fine but tonight she wanted Lauren to have dinner with her and her dad, no one else, just to talk, and then they would drop her off at Hiro's house.

Oh my Black Jesus that feels so good.

I exhale, moving my legs back, and hear I him curse and say my nickname.

Then, after Ming's parent's got there to pick her up, Caesar and Hiro got on the bus to go to their jobs at dad's record store, and I felt those hands on my back pushing me towards the student parking lot, hearing my sister asking Riley why he was pushing her, hearing Riley say he didn't want 'no more shit to happen,' and then we all got into Dorothy, that warm brain driving of course. Huey and Riley dropped us off at our house, making sure the alarm was on, checked on Grandad who was in their house, knowing my mom would be home soon, and then they left to the shelter where they're both going to work the same hours this week. Next week Riley's hours will change when basketball season starts and everyone's, well, expect for mine and Huey's, everyone's fifth period changes to PE from study hall and electives they're in right now, knowing the coach already emailed my sister, Ming, and Lauren to tell them they don't have to try out, they're already in the basketball team this year, but he still wants them to show up to tryouts, and he'll be switching their fifth periods to PE the week the season starts. And I just have a feeling that both Caesar and Hiro will get into band and soccer because Ming and Lauren have told me about all of their awards from other schools and really, I know, they want to be there, in the band room that's next to the gym where the basketball team practices, and outside in the field where the soccer team practices next to that gym, so they can both be close to their girlfriends, their girlfriends who I think they really care about, like how he cares about me, making me wait in Ms. Reed's class that is luckily in the same building as his fifth period, just to keep 'that Jazmine head safe,' probably not knowing how happy I am that he's closer, that he won't have to walk so far to get to my class, all because he cares, he loves me, he loves my Jazmine head and wanted me to remember that, like he wrote in that note.

I open my eyes, feeling him, hearing him breathing under me, seeing that paper, the one I found in my pocket that Lena used to wipe my tears away, the one I laminated today after him and Riley left to the shelter, before I started going through the platforms with Ming on the phone with me, following those notes Huey wrote down for us, made some low sugar cookies with my sister with Lauren on the phone telling us how she was making hers, then we made dinner for our mom, and then we waited for them. Then when they got home we went over to the Freeman house to do our homework with them, bringing leftovers from our dinner for them, and we ate and did our homework with them. Then we came come home, took a shower, knowing I would see him in the morning, and I felt my smile seeing that text from him saying he wanted to come over tonight.

I exhale, seeing that note, the two notes he gave me that I laminated, one from last semester, one from this semester, over my headboard, my headboard that's 'secured' because of him, hoping I remember to always save those notes, laminate them, keep them safe, looking down at him, wanting to hear him saying my name.

I inhale, knowing we can't make noise but I listen to music, sometimes at night to sleep to, I listen to music, not knowing why I didn't think about it until right now but knowing, wanting to hear him saying my name, and I say, clearly, "Siri, play my music."

I move up, hearing something, music, not knowing that song, I think, closing my eyes, moving back down, feeling that filling inside of me, hearing that deep voice curse, moving up, feeling that chest with my nails, feeling those hands squeezing my thighs, hearing him saying my name, inhaling, wanting more, hearing that music, hearing him curse and call me baby, telling me he wants me just like that, hearing music, I think music my sister downloaded onto my phone, something about foxy lady, I don't know, hearing him, wanting to hear him say he belongs to me, not any of those girls that look at him or made it so he would be in their homeroom, feeling my hips moving, hearing him tell me to fuck him, calling me baby, feeling myself coming, not caring about anything, hearing music, foxy lady, I think Jimi Hendrix, moving my hips over those hard hips, feeling my breasts in my hands, harder, more, hearing him say he's coming, fuck he's coming and it's going to be a lot, not caring, moving my hips, feeling my breast with my hand, I think feeling my hand on my neck, squeezing my breast, my neck, coming, hearing him say he fucken loves me, hearing something, music, I don't know, but I do know something, I know I really like Jimi Hendrix.

I feel my head bang hard on the desk, remembering that song, the one I woke up thinking about this morning, knowing I was hard enough I felt some pain, and then I proceeded to take off whatever clothes she was wearing, thinking about just that, that half hour before I had to crawl out of her window, feeling that pain shooting through my head from hitting it against the desk and that memory from this morning, a combination I'm not adverse to, hoping it will drown out that voice, that screech, and I hear that racist counselor say, "Mr. Freeman, do you have anything to add to the class?"

I inhale, looking up, feeling my eyebrow rise, hearing that girl next to me continue talking, like she has for the last half hour after he had us adhere to his new seating chart, one that must have taken him hours to figure out, sitting us using our last names, four down every row from the front of the room, where she's in front of me and that girl happens to have ended up being in the next row, sitting next to me, looking at him standing there at the front of the board because he feels this is a class like any other where we're supposed to learn something when in reality homeroom is to be used by us to check into this institution and then prepare for the rest of the day, not as an additional fucken class, seeing him smirking, that racist piece of, and I hear that voice say, "Mr. Leon can you have Ashley shut up, she's giving my boyfriend a headache?"

I hear that girl stop and I exhale, feeling that relief, hearing her calling Jazmine whatever names she deems are important, none of which are true, and I hear that voice say, "Yes Ashley, I also have a fat ass and my hair looks like a bird's nest, I get it, I don't care, just shut up before I smack you."

I exhale, seeing those two buns she has today, putting my hands on those small shoulders, feeling those shoulders under that sweater, the one I kept looking at this morning when I walked back into her house after having changed into clean clothing and getting ready for the day, seeing those two buns she had put that thick blonde afro in, that pink sweater she was wearing that was too tight, those tight jeans, those small white converse, wanting to take her back upstairs to have her lay in bed with me, 'cuddle' all fucken day, miss this second day of nonsense, hearing her say she wanted to get to school early to drop off low sugar treats for Ms. Lola, and I exhaled knowing she wanted to come to school today, hearing that girl saying we're touching, hearing that piece of shit counselor tell us to stop or he'll send us to the front office, possibly hearing others, our friends, laughing, feeling those small shoulders moving down some, relaxing I assume, hearing one of them, Cindy I believe, saying if that girl stops talking I won't need to touch Jazmine and we won't be sent to the front office which will only lead to both Jazmine and myself not being here.

I exhale, knowing some of what is being said is true, not caring, feeling those shoulders, feeling her putting that small hand over my own, helping me, and I hear that racist counselor say, "Fine, Ashley stop talking or I will end up having to send both of them to the front office."

I hear that girl turn her attention to that counselor, telling him what she wants, closing my eyes, knowing if this continues I will more than likely have a fucken headache each morning every day of this fucken year, and I hear that voice say, "Ashley shut up, I don't care what you think, that you're prettier, all of it, because he's mine and all my friends have girlfriends that will beat you and you're here, alone, with your friends not saying anything to help you, that's how lonely you are. So yes, kiss my fat ass and just shut up."

I hear that girl say, "Leon do something! Send her to the front office! Something!"

I exhale, tired of this shit, not caring as long as we're not here, and I say, "Let's go."

I stand up and I see her look up at me, feeling myself breathing seeing those greens I can't see because she's sitting in front of me and not next to me for an entire fucken hour, and I hear that racist counselor say, "You're not going anymore Mr. Freeman! Sit down or I will have security take you in as well!"

I exhale, grabbing my backpack off the floor, not giving a shit what the outcome is as long as she's not going alone and I no longer have to hear that girl talking, hearing several others standing, hearing them say they're going too, feeling my smirk, shaking my head at their idiotism, and I stand up.

I see them all getting their things off the floor, all six of them throughout the class, hearing that voice tell them she doesn't want them getting in trouble and we'll be only ones going, hearing them all call her several nicknames, and I hear that counselor who thinks he's a teacher, racist and an idiot and dangerous to Jazmine, say, "None of you are going to the front office without my consent!"

I exhale and I say, "Jazmine let's go."

I see that smile, feeling my smirk, no longer feeling that headache seeing her grab that backpack off the floor, and I hear that counselor say, "Fine! I will not have you all make a mockery of me by going to the front office to tell the principal lies about my classroom! You all sit down and no one will be sent to the front office and Ashley shut up or I will be forced to move you!"

I hear that girl start, closing my eyes, feeling that small hand on my stomach, trying to focus on that hand and not on that damn voice, that screech that irritates me that damn much, and I hear that counselor say, "Ashley stop it or I will call your father and you can tell him whatever it is you want but I will not have you put me in a position where I lose the respect I have in this school or this position, and remember, now that I have acquired this position I can dictate how this classroom goes, do you understand that Ashley?"

I exhale, knowing exactly what is being said, not caring because I'm here and that's all that needs to happen to be assured that I know where she is at least for this hour, in the same room I happen to be in, along with our next class, knowing I have her schedule memorized for the rest of this fucken day, dropping her off at most of her classes, no longer hearing that irritating voice or feeling that shiver when she talks, and I hear that counselor say, "Good, now everyone sit down, there will be no fraternizing in this class or I will move you again and unless I deem it necessary there will be no more talking for the rest of the period, now continue copying what's on the board or you will be marked as uncooperative for the day."

I inhale, opening my eyes, seeing that smirk on those full lips, wanting this fucken day to end, and she says, "I know bestie, almost, let's keep copying it because at least it's important."

I exhale, knowing that being aware of what is in the Constitution is important but I would rather be copying it in any other class with her sitting on my lap, hearing our friends sitting down, agreeing with each other on the pointlessness of this class, and I respond, "Fine, that room, no later than Friday."

I see that blush cover that nose, those freckles, hearing that counselor tell us to sit down, and she says, "Okay bestie."

I inhale, smelling that soap I love, hearing Mr. Leon tell us to stop, wondering if he really follows us out of the cafeteria, and I say, "Okay bestie, don't get in trouble and go."

I exhale, looking up, seeing that cute smirk, knowing I'm so kissing that boy when I can later, when we're alone, and I see those reds look up, over my head, and he says, "Hiro."

I hear that cute kiss I think Hiro just gave Lauren, remembering when we met everyone at the front office in the morning after Lauren had dropped off those low sugar cookies for Ms. Lola hearing Hiro say it, that he would trust us and not do anything today, he would just walk us up the door, make sure everyone saw him, and then he would let us go inside together.

I let go, knowing I don't want him to be late, seeing him turn away from me, and I watch that tall boy walk away, seeing Hiro next to him, feeling that head on my shoulder, seeing students passing us going inside of our class, and I hear her say, "So happy you're here Jazzy."

I exhale, putting my arm around her, holding onto my backpack with my other arm, and I nod and turn, walking into class, holding her, knowing our teacher's behind her desk, hearing the other students getting quiet, holding her, and I look over at her, see that dark hair, healthy and thick like her mom's, and I kiss her head, feeling her exhale.

We get to our desks, looking at those two desks we were sitting in yesterday, exhale, and I ask because I need to know, "Are you sure Laurie? I can sit there."

I feel her nod and I hear her say, "Yep, I have everyone here, my mom and dad, my Hiro, my friends, and you who's been such a big sister to me, so I can do this."

I feel my small smile, letting go of her, seeing her sit down in that chair, and I walk to the desk behind her, and I sit down, putting my backpack on the floor.

And I hear that bell ring, knowing Huey said as long as he has one minute before the second bell rings he can make it to his third period, looking up at the board, and I see her walk up to the board wearing a light blue dress at the same length as the skirt from yesterday, showing her figure, hearing the whispering from the students about the teacher and about what happened yesterday, and I put my hand on that shoulder, hearing her exhale.

I look down, taking my notebook out, rolling my eyes at the gossiping we don't care about, hearing that seat next to me move, feeling my small smile hearing Marvin whisper hello to us, and I put my notebook on the desk and I hear the teacher say, "Thank you all for showing up before the second bell and I am only Speaking in English right now to reiterate what I stated yesterday that some were not here to hear and that is that if I hear in any language I know of, which are several, that anyone in this class is gossiping or speaking in any kind and I truly mean any kind of offensive manner to any student or myself I will send you to the front office, you will be marked uncooperative for the rest of the day, which will weigh heavily on your grade, and I will follow up with your parents or guardians to inform them personally of what was said, and believe me, any language barrier will not stop me."

I look up at her, seeing her looking over the class with those dark eyes, trying to figure out if they have things in common, maybe the way they look, but they look so different, seeing her exhale, and she says, "Gracias. Buenas tardes clase, empezaré con mi nombre una vez más…"

I exhale, looking down, writing down her name, knowing how to write it because I learned how to do it last year.

I inhale, hearing the bell ring, closing my notebook, feeling kind of insecure, a little, about whether I'm going to do well in the class, hearing everyone getting up, and I hear her say, "Por favor recuerden revisare sus cuadernos este viernes sin faltar."

And I hear Marvin say, "Bell rang, English again."

I shake my head, feeling my small smile knowing other students are probably feeling like I'm feeling, and I hear that voice say, "Jazzy I'm waiting outside okay."

I look up, see Lauren zipping up her backpack, knowing, and I say, "Go but," and she looks at me with that smile, that blush, making me happy she looks okay, and she says, "Wait for you, don't go anywhere, got it."

I nod, seeing her stand up, putting her backpack over her shoulder, and walking to the door.

I look back down, putting my things back in my backpack, my notebook, my color pens, everything in my 'Jazzy' backpack, and I hear Marvin say, "See you Jazmine."

I turn, nodding with my smile, seeing him smile and stand up, walking to the door.

I turn back to my backpack, zip it up, stand up, and inhale, seeing her standing there.

I exhale, not knowing what to say because she's our teacher but she's still, and I see her small smile and she says, "Before you go Jazmine I wanted to say thank you."

I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Um, si maestra, I mean, what for because I really didn't answer any questions, I'm kind of not really good at Spanish."

I see her exhale with her smile, thinking she's maybe not that tall like I thought, maybe just as tall as us but she just looked so much taller maybe because of her heels, she almost looked mean yesterday, but maybe that was just because I didn't know her, still don't really know her, and she says, "You're doing great by taking as many notes as you are and I'm sure you'll do fine if not great in this class but I meant for yesterday and."

I inhale, see her nod with her small smile, and she says, "And for the rest, for taking care of her for as long as you have Jazmine, thank you."

I exhale, really confused, seeing her look away, maybe sad, and she says, "I won't take up your time or have you be late to your next period, and I know she's waiting for you to walk together, which I'm also happy about, that she has so many friends, so many people that see how wonderful she is, but I just wanted to say thank you, that's all."

I exhale, feeling myself nod, confused, seeing her turn around, walking back to her desk, and I hear that voice.

I look up at the door, see those hazel eyes, feeling my smile seeing that cute confused look on her, and I walk up to her, hoping things really do work out because I know Black Jesus is watching, he's always watching.

I look over at him, hearing their cackles, seeing him looking at his fucken phone, and I hear Mr. Delay say, "Troy please put your phone away or I will send you to the front office and just answer the question with an intelligent answer."

I see that idiot look up, hearing these two still cackling, see him exhale and he says, "That's my answer, Germans and the U.S., what you said yesterday."

I exhale, looking down at my notebook, knowing he's a fucken idiot but I'm still going to watch him, knowing Jazmine left her second period, possibly going under several students taller than her to avoid having him follow her out, hearing one of those females giving him the answer, and I hear Mr. Delay say, "Caesar please help me out."

I feel my eyebrow rise remembering she asked me to take care of her 'big brother' since she wasn't going to be in this class with us, and I hear him say, "Sides in the first world war were Germany, Austria-Hungary and Turkey and on the other side was Britain, Russia, Japan, and the U.S. at the end."

I exhale, knowing he forgot two because those are countries he cares little for, and I hear Dewey say, "Forgot Italy man."

I feel my eyebrow rise, writing down some of what I'll be dealing with at work later, and I hear one of those female students say, "Wasn't China in it too?"

I exhale, wondering how the hell this school has a high rank among high schools in this country with the student population as it is, and I hear Caesar say, "No it wasn't."

I shake my head focused on more important things, those I need to focus on later today that matter to the people that stay at the shelter, children that now live in a stable place with their family but for some time needed the shelter for exactly that, a damn shelter, and I hear that voice say, "I think she meant France."

I look up, seeing those buns under that doorframe, feeling my damn smile, seeing her smiling towards the board, hearing Mr. Delay asking her questions, seeing that smile I haven't seen in one hour and thirty five minutes, and she says, "Yes Mr. Delay, was just passing by with," and I see arms hug her, knowing those are girl's arms, and I see Lena over that shoulder, hearing her ask if the topic is world war one, hearing that giggle from Jazmine, feeling myself standing up, and I hear Mr. Delay say, "How about you and your friend stay Jazmine, help me because Caesar and Dewey are the only ones paying attention and I've come to understand Huey will only participate when everyone in the class refuses to participate?"

I exhale, seeing her laughing, hearing Lena possibly say they can stay for a few minutes since they only took a minute in the restroom, moving around those kids, walking up to the front, getting to her, and I hear a fucken idiot say, "Jazmine come sit with me like how you do in second."

I inhale, looking over at him, seeing that fucken idiot, hearing noise, moving towards him, and I feel that soft hand grab my hand, hearing her tell me to calm down.

I hear that voice next to me say, "Thank you Mr. Delay but I think Lena and I are just gonna go back to our history class so we're not late but for sure we'll come back to visit and Troy."

I exhale, looking over at her, seeing that face I hadn't seen in that long, in one hour and thirty five minutes, seeing those greens focus on a fixed point, those full purses lips, knowing she's calculating looking at that fucken idiot, and she says, "Don't talk to me like we're friends, we barely met yesterday, and I never sit with you, I'm assigned to sit next to you for our class."

I see that face turn to me, feel that peck, licking my lips, wanting more, seeing that small smile, and she says, "I'll see you later boyfriend."

I exhale, seeing her walking away, waiving that small hand at Mr. Delay, hearing her tell her 'big brother' and Dewey she'll see them later, possibly hearing Lena telling us she'll see us later, and I turn back around, hearing Mr. Delay say something about making sure to remind her to come visit soon and she can sit with her friends, feeling my smirk, nodding, trying to not look at that fucken idiot, hearing those girls around him talking about Jazmine, not caring, and I get to that seat and sit down.

I inhale, looking back down at the paper with those reminders for myself, the ones I'll be dealing with at work later, the ones that matter to the people that stay at the shelter, children that stay there at times, mostly black and brown children, some poor and white, and I hear him say, "Thought it was gonna be interesting, not some show with a clown thinking he the main fucken attraction."

I exhale, knowing he has a point, the fucken idiot is a clown and hasn't done anything I can't kill him for yet, and I hear Dewey say, "Whatever's man, gotta hear that fool talk at lunch and that fool ain't a clown, he's a dumbass, more than others I been around, remember that."

I inhale, remembering lunch, how that fucken idiot sits near Dewey and that other idiot, getting that 'feeling' to be prepared, hearing that idiot telling those girls to shut up about Jazmine, and I exhale, hearing Mr. Delay telling him to pay attention.

And I feel my neck crack, being ready.

I exhale, putting my hands on his upper shoulders, by his neck, squeezing each side, going really slow, knowing he's really stressed, getting to the tops of the those shoulders, feeling him breathing, wanting to keep his mind focused on good stuff, trying to make him feel good, and I say, "And then, at the shelter you said Riley got someone to deliver more juice boxes for the kids?"

I feel that exhale in that back, moving my hands back down to his shoulders, those arms, the joints there, making sure I'm relaxed too so I don't hurt him, and I hear him say, "Mmmm."

I feel my smile, shaking my head, knowing he is thinking about good things, hopefully feeling good, wanting him to keep doing that, and I say, "That's great, maybe we can all go on Saturday to play with the kids and pass them out if there are still some left, hopefully so all the kids get at least one."

I extend my arms, remembering he's not in pain or hurting from his training, he's just really stressed, and I lay one hand over the other, putting my fingers on that upper back, and I start making those circles, small and slow, with my fingertips, moving down, and I hear that monotone voice say, "You should spend time with your friends or your family that day, anywhere but there, maybe at that horrible crowded place."

I feel my eyebrow rise, getting to that arm, moving back up to his neck, making those circles with my fingertips, moving over his spine to get to the other side, hearing him breathing, thinking about what he said, feeling my smirk, and I say, "Are you really telling me you want me to go to the mall bestie?"

I exhale, getting to that side, wanting to stay on his neck today, not liking when he cracks it like he does even if he says it helps him relieve stress I still don't like how it sounds, and I move my leg over to the other side to be on his right side, bringing my hands back to that neck, cupping my hands around that thick neck, pressing a little into the side of his neck with my fingertips, remembering looking up all those YouTube videos on how to do this, doing it to her, remembering, using my whole hands to press down on the sides of her neck, moving up with that squeeze around her neck, one hand at a time, hearing him breathing, and I hear him say, "Either there or anywhere else, enjoying yourself with your friends, your phone on you, just not there, only that day and not because I don't want you there Jazzy, but because I want to take care of you."

I exhale, knowing why, why he doesn't want me there on Saturday, maybe the next day, any day but that day or on the weekdays, these last two days coming home right after school, Riley and him dropping us off, and then us waiting for them to come home from work, cleaning, going through the platforms, baking, calling our friends to check on them, watching TV, doing homework, hanging out, here in our house with the alarm on, with Grandad across the street, with mom on her way home, kneading those muscles like I learned to with those videos for her, knowing he just wants to protect us like she does, like she always did, I know it now, why I learned how to do this, how to give massages, and I say, "Bestie, the best place for me to be is close to my family and you and you know on Saturday, if I'm not with my sister helping mom in her office, then I'm with you somewhere, reminding you to eat, so maybe, how about, until my mom needs us in her office, probably until she needs to send out those letters to her clients she sends out every month telling them what's going on with their case, let me be next to you, even at the shelter, on Saturday?"

I start moving down that neck, kneading those muscles next to his spine, moving down, hearing him exhale I think, and I hear that monotone voice say, "Damn baby why you never listen?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling my cheeks getting a little warm, thinking I heard a tiny accent there, I think, but from where?

I shake my head, moving over to his left side, cupping my hands around that thick neck again, pressing and moving with my fingertips, then using my whole hands, pressing down on the sides of that neck, squeezing around that neck, one hand at a time, hearing him breathing, feeling my smirk, and I say, "First, I think I just heard an accent there, I don't know from where, and second, I listen to you all the time except when I know you could get hurt doing something that I can protect you from and in that case, every time, I'm not gonna listen to you."

I hear that music, feeling my smile, listening to my Sagun Pandora channel that I know we both like, even if he never says it, I know he likes it, moving my leg over that back, moving down, over those hips, moving my hands over that back, happy I used that Aveeno lotion that doesn't have a smell on my hands because this is supposed to be a light massage, not too hard, moving my hands in strokes down that back, from his shoulders down to his midback, and then stopping, sitting back up, and I say, "Okay, done, it was light, not too hard, and I didn't want to put you to sleep because I know you still have stuff to do tonight, and I can do a harder one, a deeper one, on the weekend when I know you'll be sleeping in the next day, but how do you feel?"

I see that head move, see the side of that beautiful face on that pillow, see him blink those dark burgundies, see him exhale, and he says, "I don't have an accent, I've just been spending too much time with Caes so you can blame it on him if I sound different, and with how small you are how much damage can you make when trying to protect me?"

I exhale, squeezing my legs, seeing that eyebrow rise, seeing the cute smirk, and he says, "You're strong but I'm still stronger."

I feel my smile knowing he's being playful and I say, "I didn't say you weren't, I was just reminding you that no matter how small you or anyone thinks I am, I am still strong, my legs for sure, my arms too, I think, and if I'm in a bad position, you know, where someone has my arms locked I'll remember to relax and use my head or legs to hit or kick them, move out, and then run, get something I can pick up and use as a weapon, making sure to go back to protect you."

I inhale, feeling that lift, grabbing that back, and feeling myself falling, falling, relaxing, falling onto something soft, and I look up and I exhale seeing him over me. And how does he do that so well?

I put my hands on that neck, seeing that face come down, and I feel that kiss, kissing him back, feeling that hand on my side moving me into that hard body, bringing him down, feeling him moving away, and I feel him kissing my chin, closing my eyes, feeling those kisses going down, feeling the back of that warm neck with my hands, that skin over that neck, trying to massage it a little more, feeling those kisses on my chest now, and I hear that monotone voice, feeling that vibration on my chest, say, "You are strong, more than I give you credit, but I'm not going to stop training you, possibly starting again next week after we maybe cuddle this weekend and after you tell me where you learned that."

I exhale, feeling that hand under my shirt, those rough fingers, trying to figure out why his hands are like that. Is it the work he does at the shelter? No because he's had those rough hands since before he started working there. Is it all that writing he does with those letters for the organizations? No, I don't think so, because even before, when we were kids, I remember his hands looked rough but he was always typing, reading books, stuff that I don't think makes hands get rough. But when then?

I feel that hand moving up, feeling it by my bra, remembering for some weird reason when I started finally using bras, in seventh grade, when we were kids, that first time putting it on, a bra my mom had bought me and she said she wanted me to try on. I put it on, a cute pink bra, remembering the size was an A. I put on a shirt on top of it, a sweater, then walked downstairs, walking pass the kitchen, telling my parents I was going outside, hearing him tell me where I was going, telling him I going outside, feeling embarrassed, not knowing why, just knowing if he found out I was wearing a bra he would get mad, and hearing my mom say she asked me to put the garden hose in the front yard away.

I walked out, not hearing anything, happy my mom helped me out of the house, walked outside in front of my house, and I felt my smile seeing him coming out of his garage, wearing that coat, his long white coat.

I walked up to their driveway, hoping I could just say hi to my best friend, happy I had him in middle school now, saw him look up at me, seeing that eyebrow rise, and I looked away, embarrassed again, not knowing why this time, walking up to him, seeing his coat, his hands, not being able to look up, and I heard him say my name.

I nodded and I said, "Hi bestie, just wanted to say that, I'm going home now."

I turned around and I heard him say, "Is that all you came for?"

I felt my lips purse, thinking he sounded mad and feeling embarrassed, not knowing why I was feeling embarrassed if he was my best friend, I said, "Um, yes, I'm sorry, I know when you wear that coat you're probably doing experiments and you don't want me around, I'll just come back tomorrow, okay?"

I took a step and I heard him tell me I looked different.

I felt my eyes get big, knowing my face was so warm, and I said, "Um, thank you, I'll just come back later bestie."

Then I heard him tell me to turn around and I felt my eyebrow rise, knowing my face was probably red, it had to be, but it shouldn't be, I shouldn't be embarrassed for no reason, and he was my best friend.

So I exhaled, turned around, looking down and away, and I heard him say, "Jazmine what's different about you?"

I closed my mouth, looking down, and I said, "Just my clothes I guess, but I should go."

I heard him tell me to look at him and I felt my mouth open, looking at his hands, seeing that they looked really dry again, knowing he was probably wearing gloves doing his experiments and he needed to put lotion on them, hearing him tell me look up, thinking about those hands, the ones I wanted to touch, thinking about those times I would think about him, alone, in my room, looking up at the ceiling, feeling flushed, thinking about those hands, his hands, wondering how they would feel if they touched me in other places that weren't my hands, and I heard that voice.

I turned around, telling him I had to go, not wanting to get in trouble, trying to not think about those hands, running back home, hearing my best friend calling me but hearing that voice, my dad calling me, running back to my house.

Those rough hands he's had since we were kids, maybe because of those experiments where he always used gloves and then didn't use lotion, plus his training back then, then when he started writing so many letters for the organizations, all those books he's read, turning all those pages, and his training, then those things he would do for attorneys, the things he's told me a little about, those jobs, missions he calls them sometimes when he's not thinking, the reason he has some scars on his arms, his hands, his back, little ones but I see them, the ones that make me sad thinking he was doing those things when we were at fairs having fun, all alone, doing those jobs, and now he has those rough hands because of all of it, his training on Tuesdays and Thursdays, writing letters, turning pages in books, his experiments he works on when he has time, and then the shelter where I know he cleans and forgets to use gloves then doesn't use lotion.

Those rough hands going over my bra and I hear that voice say, "Jazzy."

I exhale and say, "Yes bestie?"

I hear that monotone voice say, "I asked you a question."

I feel my eyebrow rise, not sure what he asked but knowing it's okay because I'm happy feeling those soft lips on my chest, and I hear that voice say, "I asked you where you learned it."

I move down, relaxing, hearing music I think, and I ask, "Learn what bestie?"

I feel that hand going under my bra strap and I hear that voice say, "To massage."

I open my eyes, see the ceiling mount in that dark wood frame, see the top of that soft afro, feeling my exhale, remembering, watching those YouTube videos, feeling warm, like nothing will happen here, not in this room, not like back then when I had to run back to our house so he wouldn't get mad, not like back then, and I say, "When it got bad I looked up videos, found some where I learned how to give them to her where it wouldn't hurt her, maybe help her sleep, rest, making sure that I only used a little of my strength even if I was a kid, not as strong, but still, I made sure to not use all of my strength, and I think, even if I didn't really know what I was doing, just making sure I wasn't hurting her, it made her feel better, to have me give her massages, seeing those bruises sometimes, not asking, just knowing, trying to not cry because I loved her."

I feel that hand that was under my bra move away, feeling it going over my bra, and I inhale, seeing him over me, seeing those eyes, that sad look on that beautiful face, feeling my small smile, knowing, and I say, "Huey, it's okay, we're all okay now, because of you and Riley and dad and Grandad and really nice judges and specially because of my mom and how much she's always loved us, because of all of you it's okay now so don't be sad okay, just keep kissing me because I think we don't have a lot of time."

I smell that breath that smells like those vegetables and tofu, those flavors he showed me how to cook today after he got home, a vegetarian dinner, Chinese he said because of the vegetables and sauces we used, Riley eating a chicken sandwich they bought on the way home that Riley wanted, and Huey showing me how to make that dinner, wanting to make it for him one day, seeing that sad look, and I move up, and I kiss him.

I feel him kiss me, bringing him down, tasting that tongue, kissing him as much as he ever lets me, putting my leg on that hip, wanting him to remember I'm okay and I need him to kiss me, biting that upper lip, hearing that groan, tasting him, and I hear that sound on that little drawer.

I feel him move away, feeling him going into my neck, making me giggle with that cute annoyed groan, and I say, "Come on bestie, tonight my sister and me can spend time with Laurie, tomorrow she's staying at Mimi's house, and then I think at Hiro's and wherever she wants to stay on Friday, and then on Saturday night I'll be here with you or if you want in my house, okay, and I know tonight you're gonna train because it's," and I see those eyes and I feel him kiss me.

I feel that body over me, massaging that neck, feeling those kisses on my cheek, my eyes, my forehead, and I hear that voice say, "You said that vibration would mean she just left and based on their being no traffic she'll be here in ten minutes and I want to have you under me, safe, until then, and then I'm walking you over, I'm sure my brother will be doing the same with your sister, so you can meet Lauren in front of your house, make sure your alarm is on, and then I'll come back and train, and I expect that goodnight message, do you agree?"

I exhale, feeling those kisses on my face, and I say, "Only if you promise that we're still gonna talk about Saturday, please bestie?"

I feel him kiss me, kissing him back, feeling that bite on my lip, and I hear that monotone voice say, "Alright baby."

Oh Black Jesus.

I look up, hearing them, seeing those kids at those tables to the right, those clubs, the groups they feel they belong to, moving over, seeing those two, Dewey and that idiot that's looking at his phone, moving over, seeing those tables with those kids that either believe they belong in those groups or will be trying out for those teams, moving over those girls, seeing those kids who think they matter, those dead relationships Caesar and Ming had that I'm aware look at this table but then focus on each other with that public display of their teenage hormones, moving over, seeing that crazy girl, the one I have to deal with for the first hour of the day, the one that racist counselor politely asked to shut up several times as I kept hearing that screech, keeping my head down, focusing on that book, feeling that sweater under my book, one of the reasons I specifically brought that book again, because I could use it to continue that contact I possibly needed throughout that hour, touching that sweater, not wanting to think about that hour anymore, moving over, and I inhale, seeing too many, fuck, too many, between the fucken idiots that follow her out of classrooms to that psychotic lunatic, because that's all he is after knowing the consequences, a psychotic lunatic I can see from here, standing next to that racist counselor, talking about why that counselor was not able to place him in any of Jazmine's classes, and I feel that hand.

I exhale, letting her help me, feeling those long fingers going through my own, hearing that voice say she's happy no one bothered them today, knowing she's talking about Caesar and Ming's dead relationships who are possibly still having a form of sex in public at that table, hearing Cindy say it's bullshit that that racist counselor lets other students fuck in public but they can't kiss their own guys, hearing Ming say that's true but they wouldn't want to fuck their boyfriends in public, hearing them laughing, hearing that laugh, looking down at her, seeing that face moving over my arm, feeling my smirk, and I hear that voice say into my arm, "Bestie relax okay, my Grandma took care of him."

I inhale, bringing my hand over, bringing her into me, looking up at the door again, and I see that fucken psychotic lunatic looking at her.

And I inhale seeing him walk in with that counselor, watching them walking to those tables, the ones that fucken lunatic hasn't been to since that the day I found that box with those dolls, the ones that were sent to Jazmine's grandmother, knowing something happened in Louisiana, some sort of process her grandmother used for protection, not asking more, seeing that face look up at me that morning with that possible reverence she has for her grandmother, telling me everything was fine and she could tell me in six months, knowing what she meant, and after she told me that much, seeing that greenery, leaves, in that soft blonde afro, I kissed her.

I taste those lips, that taste she is, feeling that thick thigh over me, hearing voices that do not matter, knowing where it's coming from, that racist counselor that does nothing about others doing what teenagers call 'dry humping,' but cares about her kissing me.

I bring her up, grabbing that face, hearing some sort of cheering, hearing that counselor saying unimportant words, and I feel that face move away.

I open my eyes, readying myself to berate her, seeing those eyes, seeing her breathing those small slow breaths, seeing that smile, not caring about that fucken voice telling our friends to be quiet, and she says, "Bestie, Friday, promise, when we're reviewing stuff in my history class and you said Caes or Dewey can take notes for you, promise."

I exhale, possibly irritated some, and I say, "Jazmine what have I said about pro," and I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "That I can promise anything I want to anyone I want and right now I'm promising that to you okay bestie, and I want you to think about that, not about the dumb people in this cafeteria that don't matter and we're even protected from, just talk to us."

I exhale, knowing several times I've seen that psychotic lunatic look in this direction with his phone in his hand, possibly looking frustrated, angry, knowing I've seen him holding different phones on different days since that day he came back last semester, possibly because none of them have worked to take those pictures I'll be erasing next month, thinking about what that Jazmine head said about her grandmother taking care of him, feeling my eyebrow rise, and I say, "Fine, I'll believe whatever it is grandma did is working for now but I'm still accessing their computers, all their electronics, wiping them out clean, and then I'll be content and will let grandma continue doing what she's doing."

I see that face come in, onto my chest, hugging what's mine, feeling those long arms around me, and I hear that voice say, "Please bestie, just let us handle it for six months, half a year grandma said, with you not doing anything, just on this one thing, please, and then in six months I'll remind you about doing that to their computers, can't tell what grandma did, not yet, but please just trust us, please, please…"

I exhale, hearing her pleading now, hearing voices around us, not wanting this, not in any way, and I say, "Yes, now stop asking or I'll wipeout those electronics tonight."

I feel that body exhale, hearing that voice telling us it's been longer than five seconds of hugging, hearing our friends calling him an idiot, hearing him say he's calling security, and I see that face look up at me, see that smile, knowing she won, feeling my damn smirk, and she says, "Okay bestie, I'll stop asking and hugging you before Mr. Leon makes Mr. Ramirez come over here just to tell us to stop hugging even if we know Mr. Ramirez doesn't care, and I want to hear you talk."

I exhale, feeling those long arms letting go of me, leaving my arm on those shoulders since I know this institution's rules and know that is not deemed 'fraternizing,' seeing her smile at our friends, and I exhale say, "What was the topic?"

I hear those voices say, 'them hoodrats over there,' 'Gangstalicious still the shit,' 'Next Friday needs another movie,' 'Best foods here and anywhere,' 'Best systems for real music,' and 'Hanging out at my pool again.'

And I see her laughing, seeing that head moving down with that small hand over her mouth, not caring what's happening outside of our friends and this table, knowing she's safe, I'll continue to check where they all are, psychotic lunatics inside of this institution and disgusting pieces of shit outside of this county, but right now she wants me to talk, hearing them all laughing, feeling myself shaking my head, possibly smirking, and I say, "Alright, you can all keep talking about that but I'm only stepping in if it's about best systems and what's considered real food and not that processed crap most of you like."

I see that face move into my chest, hearing them saying they know the best systems and that real food needs meat, sitting back, possibly enjoying these unimportant topics, like the many I've possibly learned to enjoy recently, feeling that hand on my side, and I hear her thank me.

Yeah, we can talk about these unimportant things.

Everything's okay, everything's been okay, even the little things he says that aren't important have been okay. Like today at lunch when we had fun, talking, laughing with our friends, then Hiro and Huey walked Lauren and me to our third period. And it was okay, the teacher was nice again, not saying anything after class to me this time, just smiling at us walking out of class, feeling kind of sad because she's trying to be nice I think but I can feel Lauren shaking a little when we pass her and I just hug her, walking out. Then we walked to our fourth period, where I have Lena, Selene, some new students, really happy about that. Then there's fifth period in Ms. Reed's class.

I feel my smile thinking about that, how it feels so great to be in Ms. Reed's class again, this time talking about gender relations, what is gender, how is was constructed she said, by society and by the needs of people, and just how amazing that class is going to be this year. And then there's Cairo.

I exhale, feeling my small smile thinking about him turning around today, seeing him exhale, and he said his mom said she was going to call me this weekend and I nodded and said I'd like that.

And then going home, spending time with my sister and mom right now that basketball practice hasn't started. And then me, still trying to figure out what I'm going to do for extracurricular work this semester. Then waiting for Huey and Riley to come home, and hanging out with them. Then getting that text from Lauren tonight in our group text, telling us that her parent's dropped her off at Ming's house and they were going to watch that old Korean soap opera before they went to sleep, the Korean soap opera Lauren likes and I think Ming really likes too. I think they said it was called 'Swallow the Sun.' An old Korean soap opera Lauren likes, making me feel happy, good, that Lauren's doing things she likes even if she's still going through stuff.

I exhale.

And then this morning. Oh my Black Jesus. I forgot about all of that. I exhale, going to the next paragraph, thinking about this morning.

Just thinking about Ashley still bothering him bothers me, feeling those fingers on my back, wondering if he knows how good they feel there, on my midback, over my left side, hearing the groans, hearing Mr. Leon telling her to shut up, hearing her huff and puff. And my sister says she found out the reason Ashley isn't talking back to Mr. Leon is because her mom isn't with Mr. Leon anymore, she stopped seeing him, so now Ashley doesn't really have anything she can use against Mr. Leon, I think, I don't know, I'm just happy he at least tells her to shut up.

Then everything else has been okay these last three days, even other students like Troy who's just been nice, really nice, I think because he feels bad for saying what he said on Monday in Mr. Delay's class. And Ming said Luis hasn't bothered her but that's probably because he sits on the other side of class and he can't talk to her and I know Huey makes sure to pick her up every day. Caesar also said his ex-girlfriend hasn't bothered him and she sits close to him but he doesn't care he said. And we're all doing these things, waiting in our classes for our friends or our boyfriends, or waiting in our classes for ten seconds after the bell rings, like I'm doing, getting up after those ten seconds, walking out of class, and meeting Caesar halfway to Huey's locker, walking with him the rest of the way, everyone doing all of these things so we can all be safe.

Safe and happy, like how we're making sure Lauren is right now, how grandma that did for us. Thank you grandma. I can't wait for tomorrow.

I put my pen down, knowing there's still so much I want to write but I think that's okay for tonight, just writing about the last three days, and I can write more tomorrow. What time is it?

I look over at my cell phone, see the time, and know he already saw the first thirty minutes of Don Lemon's show.

I pick up my phone, going to my favorites, finding him, type the text, feeling my smile, and I press send.

I stand up to stretch, making sure to stretch but not 'lock' my legs my sister's told me after sitting down for that long to write in my diary, and I hear that vibration.

I look at my phone that's still in my hand and I exhale.

Bestie Love: Goodnight Jazmine.

I exhale, happy, putting my phone down on my desk, and I close my diary, remembering this is my new diary I just bought so I can use it just for every day writing, remembering I have to go through my old diaries and take out those pages that have all that stuff about Huey's parents, Grandad's stories, my grandma's life, her Bobby, the things my mom's done that no one knows about, other good things like the universities dad was accepted to, and sad things, like the people that passed away but we still remember like dad's little Louise, Grandad's wife that loved Huey and Riley, their uncle that Aunt Cookie talks about that she was so happy with, and Aunt Cookie's contributions to those protests they were a part of, keeping everyone alive, writing that book about them one day, all of them, so people can know who they were, who they are right now, all in those pages we're putting together one day, maybe for now putting those pages in a big folder or drawer to keep those pages safe, safe like how I feel right now with my sister and mom in this house, Huey and Riley and Grandad in their house, grandma in her house with that extra 'security' Huey and Riley did to her house, like they did to Aunt Cookie's house, everyone with their family, feeling safe, not letting those fears that I sometimes feel in my chest stop me from making them all happy, making them feel happy and good, and I hear that vibration.

I feel my eyebrow rise, looking back down at my desk, and I grab my phone and feel my heart stop.

Bestie Love: Lemon's restating facts Cuomo went over. Going to sleep. I love you too. See you at 7.

I exhale, knowing he's never texted that, that he loves me, knowing I'm going to wear my favorite necklace tonight, and maybe I'll keep it on tomorrow for school, knowing I'm so kissing that boy when I see him tomorrow morning downstairs at seven.

I look up at the clock. Seven more minutes. I can handle seven more minutes of him in our group.

I look down at my paper, feel that squeeze in my hand, knowing I can handle him but maybe she can't, not right now, not in this class, and I say, "Eso es todo. Gracias."

I hear him exhale as I'm writing down what he said about the last school he went to and I hear him say, "No acabe."

I inhale, hearing her exhale, knowing she can't handle this, she doesn't need this, not here, writing down what he said, trying to ignore him even if I'm being rude, and I hear Marvin say, "Se dice no he terminado."

I feel my small smile knowing Marvin kind of just made fun of him telling him how to say 'I'm not done' the right way in Spanish, knowing he's been getting annoyed with him too when he talks too much and he doesn't let anyone else talk, and I hear him say, "Bueno, por que no terminas con ese que estas bella, te promote que con migo todo sera mas fácil, yo te llevare a…"

I exhale, knowing he started that last time we asked him a question, talking about Lauren leaving her relationship with Hiro for him, knowing he's so, so dumb, and I hear that voice say, "Please, just."

I look over at her, see her looking down at our paper, see those eyes get watery, see her inhale, and she says, "Just stop please, leave me alone, I don't like you and even more important I have a boyfriend and I'm not leaving him, so just leave me alone because I'm really tired right now, please, just leave me alone, please."

I inhale, moving my hand from under her hand, seeing her inhale, scared I think, and I open my arms and I hug her, feeling her exhale, and I say, "Laurie let's go outside, I'll tell the teacher we're leaving early okay?"

I feel her nod and I hear him say, "Lauren, ándale dame una oportunidad, ya verás por qué digo que eres la más bella chica que he visto, tu familia me querrá conocer, yo sé que todo será más fácil conmigo, todo, yo te voy a satisfacer, una chica tan rica como tú te prometo, solo…"

I exhale, letting go of her, not wanting her to hear more, bending down to grab our backpacks from behind our chairs, and I say, "Marvin can you please," and I hear him say, "Yeah Jazmine, I'll take the paper up and write your name where you wrote everything."

I shake my head, standing up with our backpacks, putting them over my shoulder, seeing him smirking at me, feeling my smile, and I say, "Don't do that, just take it up okay, please?"

I see him exhale and nod and I smile and I look back at her.

I see her blinking at me, seeing her inhale with her small smile, see her stand up, and I hear a voice say, "Y donde van estudiantes?"

I inhale, looking over at her, seeing her looking at me, seeing her look over at Lauren and exhale, and I say, trying to remembering, "Um, vamos afuera, mi amiga no se siente bien maestra."

I see our teacher exhale looking at Lauren, see her nod, and she says, "No se siente bien señorita Lauren?"

I look over at Lauren, see her inhale looking down, and she says in that tiny voice, "No maestra."

I hear our teacher say, "Está bien, por favor vallan a la oficina de la enfermera y," and I hear him say, "Yo la llevare."

I inhale, looking over at him, seeing him getting up, and I say, "No you won't, I'm taking her to the nurse's office and you're not getting near her, got it?"

I see him roll his eyes, see him pick up his backpack, see him turn to our teacher, and he says, "Son amigas y se van juntas todo el tiempo a otros lugares pero yo la llevare a la enfermera."

I inhale, thinking he said that too fast but he wants to take her, and I hear that tiny voice say, "Stop, please, just leave me alone, just stop, please, just."

I inhale, looking over at her, and I put my arm around her, and I say, "We're leaving, let's go."

I see her nod, looking away, moving with me, and I hear that voice say, "Wait, please."

I look up at our teacher, see her exhale, seeing that long dark hair, that white skin under that golden tan, seeing those dark thick eyebrows come down over her eyes, noticing in the sun her eyes kind of look hazel, a little, seeing her looking at that guy, and she says, "You are no longer going to be in any group with either one of them and if I see you speaking to them in this class I will send you to the principal's office."

I feel my mouth open, feeling her shaking under my arm, and I hear that guy say, "You can't do that when I didn't do anything."

I feel her exhale, moving my hand over her shoulder, over her dark purple long sleeve shirt, knowing she's been using her favorite color every day this week for good luck, four days today, seeing our teacher's eyebrow rise looking at that guy that hasn't stopped bothering Lauren since last year, and she says, "Yes I can when I am not only responsible to make the subject matter in this class comprehendible to children of your age, I am also responsible for the safety of every child in this class and that was made clear, I believe, when I wrote down the class codes on the board the first day, in English and Spanish, so every person in this class could read and understand them, but aside from those codes, which cover the enrolled students' behavior, I have my own personal rules that I follow, ones that I discussed with the principal, who agreed to them, rules I have never had a parent tell me they themselves do not agree with, and one of them is when I see that one student is making another student feel uncomfortable in any way I feel is uncomfortable I do separate them until I can speak to their parents, making them aware of what I saw in class, and then they can speak to their children in private, what I will be doing if I ever, and believe me Rigoberto, if I ever, see you speaking to either one of these two students in my class, but first of course I will send you the principal's office making her aware you crossed one of my personal rules, specifically when it comes to Lauren, now step outside, wait until the bell rings, and only then head to your next class."

I inhale, hearing him say something, something in Spanish, feeling my eyes get big, and I look over at him, see him exhale, and I hear our teacher say, "And now you will be going to the principal's office, you will be suspended at minimum for one day, and I will be speaking to your parents about why you felt the need to curse at me, specifically in Spanish when I am your Spanish teacher, now go."

I see that mad look on him, see him exhale, turn around, seeing him walk out, and I hear the bell ring.

I exhale, hearing our teacher telling us to make sure to show up tomorrow on time because we'll be having a quiz, and I feel that shaking, looking over at her.

I hear Marvin say he'll see us tomorrow, nodding, telling him we'll see him tomorrow, seeing that face, seeing those eyes that are not watery, just dry, mad, and I say, "Laurie?"

I see her exhale and she says, "Stay, please Jazzy?"

I nod, see her look up, seeing that mad look on Lauren, knowing that look, the one she has when she's really mad, that look she gets sometimes when the guys tell her to imagine a girl talking to Hiro and then she really hits the guys, like she has to defend Hiro from that, from a girl talking to him, hearing our teacher ask her if she's okay, and I see Lauren inhale looking at her and she says, "Why did you do that, I was okay, and now they're gonna now?"

I hear our teacher exhale and she says, "And that's fine with me."

I see Lauren inhale, holding her, and she says, "Well it's not okay with me, it's not, so stop it, I don't want them to know, I don't, so stop it, don't try to defend me or protect me, I don't want it, you, you, you can't do that now, you can't, don't ask me if I'm okay, you can't, don't say anything about me like that, like I'm special, saying specifically me, that's not fair, it's not, so don't, just."

I see those watery eyes, hugging her, and I say, "Laurie let's go."

I see her exhale, blinking with those watery eyes, moving her, feeling her walking, around our teacher.

I look up, see us getting to the door, seeing the students all outside, happy everyone has fourth period next and needs to make it there on time so they all got up fast and left, and I hear her say, "I'm so sorry Lorí."

I hear her inhale, feeling her move out my arm, looking over at her, and I see Lauren facing our teacher, seeing that pretty face scrunched up, that mad look, seeing her inhale and she says, "Don't ever call me that."

I put my arm on her shoulder, feeling her exhale, knowing only her parents use that name when they don't call her 'preciosa,' and I hear our teacher say, "I just want to," and I see Lauren move forward, holding her down, and she says, "No, I don't want it, anything you want, I don't want it, I don't want them to find out who you are, I don't, I don't want you to protect me or defend me ever, not now, not when it's way too late, you, you," and I see that tear, dropping our backpacks, putting my arm around her, hugging her around her shoulders, and I hear our teacher say, "I should've done this a long time ago, at least tried to, I understand, and I would like to explain why, as much regret as I have now, why I didn't, why I will forever regret that I didn't, for you, my little," and I see Lauren move up and she says, "Don't say it!"

I exhale, holding her, seeing those tears on her face, and I say, "Let's go to the nurse's office okay?"

I see her exhale, shaking, seeing her crying looking at our teacher, and I hear our teacher say, "I'll give you a pass so you won't get in trouble."

I see Lauren inhale, see her eyes open, and she says, "No! Stop it Fernanda! Stop it! Just stop! Just."

I see her close her eyes, seeing those tears coming down her face, covering her face with her hands, feeling her shaking, hugging her, and I hear Lauren say, "Just stop, please, why are you here? Just go away, please, please, just go, I was happy, please."

I inhale, holding her, and I say, "We're leaving, now."

I see her nod covering her face with her hands and I bend down, grabbing our backpacks off the floor, and I hear our teacher say, "I came for you."

I look up, standing up holding our backpacks, feeling my eyes get big seeing her eyes filled with tears, see her sniffle looking at Lauren, and I hear that tiny voice say, "What?"

I see our teacher exhale, see her shaking I think, looking away, see her sniffle with that tear coming down her face, seeing her swallow wiping it away, and she says, "I came for you Lauren, to see you."

I hear that exhale, putting my arm around her, feeling her shaking, and I hear that tiny voice say, "I don't, um, what?"

I see our teacher exhale, seeing her wiping tears from her face, see her nod looking away, and she says, "I came for you Lauren, to be close to you, if you let me, and if you allow me, even if I don't deserve it, I know I don't, to talk to you, to explain some things, if you let me, please."

I feel the shaking under my arm, hearing students I think, and I hear that tiny voice say, "I don't know."

I see our teacher nod, see her swallow looking away, sniffling, and she says, "You don't have to decide right now, you can take all the time you want, and I'll be here when you choose if you'll let me explain."

I feel her exhale under my arm and hear that voice, that voice coming back, say, "I get to choose, decide everything, even if you can explain."

I see our teacher look at her, see her nod with her sniffle, feeling her exhale under my arm, hearing students I think, and I hear that voice coming back, that confident voice I know she started using since last year, say, "Okay, tonight, I don't care where, just not at my parent's, I don't want them there, they're already too sad about this, and I'm bringing my friends."

I see our teacher nod, see her lips purse, I think hearing students walking in, seeing her wiping her tears away, and she says, "That's fine, of course, I don't want them there either because they might try to intervene with their opinion, but it is private, what I have to tell you, what I'll be explaining, more so things I'm not comfortable talking about with too many people, so if you can, maybe one friend, please, and if it can be, since I know you might want that to be your boyfriend, have it be one of your girlfriends because there are some things we might talk about that I would only feel comfortable talking about with women, please."

I exhale, hearing the students around us, hearing them whispering I think, and I hear that sound, the sound of the bell ringing.

I see our teacher turn around to the class and she says, "Buenos tardes clase. Comenzaremos la clase enseguida, pero por ahora pasen sus tareas al frente."

I see our teacher turn to us, see her inhale with her small smile, I think seeing hope in her face, I think, looking at Lauren, and she says, "How about I give you two that pass for the nurse's office, you both can rest for the next period there, and I'll write down my phone number on that pass so you can let me know if, I hope, all of that works for you, and I'll take care of the rest tonight, please Lauren?"

I inhale, feeling her exhale, looking over at her, seeing that pretty face looking down, a little lost I think, hearing our teacher walking to her desk, maybe to get that note so we can go to the nurse's office, and I squeeze that shoulder, see her inhale, and see that face look up at me.

I feel my small smile, remembering that first time she let me cut her hair, seeing that dark straight hair move back naturally with those really long layers she has now, her hair reaching her midback now, making her face look long now, even if it's still round, oval shaped, seeing those hazel eyes and flawless chocolate colored skin, and she says, "Jazzy?"

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and I say, "Come on, between all of us, we'll figure it out, and Black Jesus is," and she smiles and says, "Always watching, I know Jazzy."

I feel my smile and I hear our teacher say, "Here you go Lauren, Jazmine, I hope to see you tonight."

I see those hazel eyes open and I feel my eyes open.

Black Jesus, you are watching, right?

I guess this is what you wanted Black Jesus, or maybe what everyone decided because 'Jazzy you know that crazy lady cuz you 'least in that class and we might kill her.'

I exhale, feeling my small smile, holding her hand, and I press send on that text, sending it to everyone.

I look over at her, see her looking down at her water, seeing her a little lost I think, hearing the waiter talking, remembering everything we talked about with everyone today, and I say, "Hey Laurie butt?"

I see her small smile, feeling my smile, remembering my sister telling her we gave her that nickname because she can kick butt, and she says in that tiny voice, "Did you text everyone?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yes, and first I texted Hiro to his phone number only, and then I texted the group text, to everyone, like you said, okay?"

I see her exhale, seeing her smile get bigger, making me happy, hearing the Spanish, I think hearing names of foods, feeling my eyebrow rise hearing something about 'mar' and 'tierra' or sea and land, I think, seeing Lauren looking at the table wearing that black loose dress that looks like a summer dress but has long sleeves, a round collar that comes down to above her chest, long and loose so she can move in it, going really well with those black boots she's wearing, and that necklace with the letter 'L' on her chest, a necklace she said on the drive here her parents gave her when they moved here to Woodcrest, and I hear that voice that was speaking Spanish say, "I'm happy you both came."

I look over at her, see her small smile, that hope in her face I think, that black cardigan with the pink silky shirt underneath, and I feel my smile seeing that necklace, with an 'F' hanging off of it, in that same lettering Lauren has, the same size too, and she says, "So while I was waiting for you two, only because I got here early, I decided to order an appetizer, knowing dinner might take some time, and I hope it's not too much but I also ordered dinner, for you Jazmine I ordered the Salmon a la Parilla or rather grilled salmon, remembering you said you don't eat meat but you do like salmon, and for you Lorí I ordered your Mar y Tierra, because you."

I see her stop, see her inhale looking at Lauren, feeling that hand squeezing my hand, seeing our teacher's small smile, and she says, "I'm sorry Lauren, I won't call you that again."

I hear Lauren exhale, remembering my sister and Ming talking to her before we left, after Hiro and her had talked in my room alone for a little, everything happening at our house because Lauren said she told her parents what was happening tonight and told them she didn't want them giving her advice, just letting her go so she could take care of it, getting to our house in that cute dress, my sister and Ming hugging her first and telling her to just be the confident Laurie butt we know, remembering her small smile and her telling them she would try, right before I saw Dorothy pull up into the Freeman driveway and we saw Hiro come out, hearing that confident voice say she would really try, hearing that not tiny and not confident voice, just somewhere in between, say, "Um, so you wanted to talk, to explain?"

I see our teacher exhale, see her nod, and she says, "Yes, I do want to explain some things, first, why I'm here, and then, if you want, an explanation, of why things were."

I see her stop, see her inhale, look to the side, and she says, "The way they were, back then."

I hear Lauren exhale, putting my other hand over her hand that's holding my hand right now on her knee, and I hear Lauren say, "I know why you're here Fernanda, my mom told me that first day of school, when I got home."

I see our teacher look back to Lauren, see her purse her lips, looking sad I think, and she says, "So you know I wanted to tell you but I wasn't able to?"

I hear Lauren exhale and I hear her say, "Yeah, she told me that day that the reason for that dinner was so you could tell me why you were here, I guess after you told them, she said because you wanted to tell them and tell me yourself, and then that night when I got home I remember they wanted to talk to me about why you were there for dinner, why I thought you were visiting, but I didn't wanna talk to them about it, I didn't wanna know, that's what I told them, and they've always just."

I hear Lauren exhale, rubbing her hand, seeing our teacher nod, and I hear Lauren say, "They've just never forced me to talk when I didn't want to, never, so they didn't make me talk to them that night, I guess, thinking that they could tell me the next day, maybe thinking I wouldn't see you at school the first day, probably not thinking that something would happen, like having you be one of my teachers."

I see our teacher nod with pursed lips, exhale, looking sad I think, and she says, "Yes, I wanted to tell you all that night, of course that night I reminded them of what they already knew, how I applied for this position last year, at the beginning of the school year, went through a vetting process where my experience teaching in a school district with mostly underprivileged children transitioning from one language to another was scrutinized, but that night I told them the outcome of that vetting process and that was that your school's ultimate decision was in giving me the opportunity to teach at your school, where most children do not come from underprivileged lives but some do, some that do not speak English well, attend your school possibly due to other programs offered by your school, and those children hide the fact that they do not speak English well by not speaking at school, at a school where not many of their peers speak Spanish, not asking questions, leading to failing out of their classes and eventually dropping out of school, and of course, you would be there."

I hear that sound, look over, see the waiter opening the door, walking to our table holding that tray and a pitcher, getting to us, seeing her smile at us, and she says, "Señoritas por favor disfruten estas enpanadas y su comida estará lista pronto."

I look down at the plate she's putting down on the table, feeling my smile thinking about that day at Lauren's pool, hearing the waiter filling our waters, hearing her footsteps walking away, back inside the restaurant, wondering how we got this really nice table on this balcony, knowing if I look up and across this balcony I can see other balconies surrounded by a little lake with only one table on each balcony at this Puerto Rican restaurant I've never been to and I didn't know existed here in downtown Woodcrest, and I hear our teacher say, "I was told you Jazmine like cheese empanadas and I know you Lo, I mean Lauren, like the beef and vegetable ones, so I had them bring them as an appetizer."

I feel my smile and then I feel my eyebrow rise thinking about how much she knows about Lauren, knowing Lauren told us one of the reasons her mom made those empanadas for us that day is because Lauren's favorite empanadas are those beef and vegetable ones, and I see that hand grab one of the napkins on the table, see her grab one of the lighter empanadas, put it in front of me, and I hear Lauren say, "Jazzy these are the cheese ones, okay?"

I feel my smile and I grab one of the napkins, using it to grab one of the darker empanadas, looking up at her, seeing that pretty face, feeling my smile, and I say, "Okay, but you eat too."

I see her shake her head with her small smile, feeling her grabbing the empanada from my hand, giving me the one she had, and I exhale, taking that bite, and I close my eyes.

Oh my Black Jesus, these are so good.

I hear her giggle, opening my eyes, seeing those dark hazel eyes, feeling myself blink, seeing her smiling at me, seeing those eyes, and I hear that voice next to me say, "Well, I'm glad, happy I guess, that you got that job at my school, but."

I hear Lauren stop and I look over at her.

I see her looking down at that empanada on her plate and she says, "You said I would be there, but why did you want that, to be at my school, my school where I was gonna be at, and you haven't said anything about the other stuff, you know, why, back then, why, explaining that stuff, even if."

I see her exhale, seeing her blink those hazel eyes, light hazel I just noticed, and she says, "If there was no reason for it, I just don't see it, why, if there was no reason, right?"

I exhale, putting what's in my hand down on the table, putting my hand on hers, seeing her exhale, and I hear our teacher say, "Do you want to know why I treaded you like I did, the reason I was how I was, what I know I don't deserve to explain to you, after so long, do you want to know why it all happened Lauren?"

I see Lauren exhale, feeling that squeeze on my hand, feeling the shaking coming back I think, remembering what my sister said when I got home, what she does when Lauren's nervous at games or about anything, and I start pulling on the skin on her knuckles a little, seeing her exhale again, I think longer, and I see her nod.

I hear our teacher exhale and I hear her say, "I guess it's complicated, all of it, but I can maybe explain it best with a realization I had this summer, is that okay?"

I see Lauren exhale and nod and I look over at our teacher, see her small smile, and she says, "Thank you. I'm not sure how much you know about me, I will assume very little, but after I graduated I accepted a job through a program and," and I hear Lauren say, "A program in your college that sends people that want to be teachers to places where they need them, schools where they don't have enough teachers, I think where little kids don't have a lot of money, live in bad neighborhoods, they're poor, and they need teachers that speak Spanish and other languages to help them."

I see her smile at Lauren, seeing her blush I think, nod, and she says, "Yes, so I accepted a job teaching ninth graders at a high school, was there for two years, made significant strides with students, children that had so much potential, and I knew would continue doing well even without me there, and then."

I see our teacher exhale, see her purse her lips, and she says, "A few months ago, in July I remember, after two years at that school, still waiting to hear back from your school on the position I had applied for, I received that call, was told he was in the hospital again, and I should go visit, just for half a day and then I could leave again, so I did."

I see her inhale, see her blink, and she says, "My flight was delayed and it was late when I arrived, so I called them, and I was told he was still in the hospital and it wasn't too late to visit him that day, so I left the airport, went to the hospital, and when I got there I went inside his room, and we talked, well."

I see her exhale, see her squint her eyes looking at the table, I think remembering, and she says, "I asked him how he was doing and he asked me why I was there. I told him I was there to see him and he said he was fine and didn't ask me to visit."

I hear Lauren inhale, pulling on the skin on those little knuckles, seeing our teacher nod looking at the table, and she says, "I left the hospital, went to see them, and I told them I was leaving and wouldn't see them for some time unless I had time off from work, possibly in a year or so, maybe longer, and."

I see her exhale looking at the table and she says, "They didn't care, they just continued about their business. Even she didn't care, just told me to sleep there because it was too late to check into a hotel, which she was right about unless I wanted to check into a cheap and possibly unsafe hotel, and she said that room, normally used by others, was available."

I see her inhale, see her blink, and she says, "So I stayed, in that house, that night, that entire night."

I see her look up, see her look at Lauren, see her exhale, looking sad I think, and she says, "And all I could think of were those thoughts, those memories, the ones I had been running from for years, years, years of running, away to friends' houses, then college, and now this job, far away enough I had to fly back to visit them, and then I saw that box, that damn toybox, still there after all these years."

I hear Lauren inhale, look over at her, feeling her shaking, and I say, "Laurie?"

I see her swallow, see her nod, and I hear our teacher say, "Yes, that one."

I see Lauren exhale, feeling her squeezing my hand, see her nod, and I hear our teacher say, "So I went into that box."

I see Lauren's eyes open and I hear our teacher say, "And I stayed there, in that box, that night, thinking, remembering, mostly crying."

I look over at our teacher, see her inhale, maybe shaking, see her looking at Lauren, and she says, "And I kept going back to that day, the one of the first time you ran into that room, the first time."

I hear Lauren inhale, hearing that sniffle, and I look over at her.

I see those watery hazel eyes and I say, "Laurie, do you want to leave? Remember, we can."

I see her exhale, see her blink, see her inhale, focusing on our teacher I think, and she says in that tiny voice, "Why did you think about that?"

I hear our teacher exhale and I look over at her.

I see her nod at Lauren, see her small smile, see her look to the side, and she says, "I'm not sure if it was me being there, having to see him again, just so many memories coming to me for one reason or another, possibly because this time I didn't cry when he told me he didn't want to see me, or maybe it was just being in that room, now, after so long, having to sleep there when I would normally stay at a hotel when I would visit, seeing them, her in particular, and then leaving the same day, like I did the moment I left to college, only visiting for half a day and then leaving to stay at a hotel or at a friend's house, but not there, never there, but I was older now I thought, and I should be able to stay there, in that room, but then."

I see her exhale and she says, "I saw that box, that damn toybox I wanted to burn years ago, crawled into it with a pillow and a blanket, and closed it, keeping it cracked open just enough so I could hear if anyone knocked on the door, and laying there all I could think of was that day, the first time you ran into that room with your red face, crying, seeing you run up to me, asking me to hide you, because they were coming, and I sat there, looking at you, knowing you were only a baby, had that little red face, frightened, and I told you to go into that box and I would tell them you weren't there."

I feel the shaking, look over at Lauren, see her inhale, see those hazel eyes squinting at her, and she says, "But you did, you told them, why?"

I hear our teacher exhale, look over at her, see her nod looking at the table, and she says, "They came looking for you, Miguel asked if you were there, I told them you weren't, they turned around, walking out of the room, and then you made a sound."

I hear Lauren inhale, rubbing her hand slowly, see our teacher nod looking at the table, and she says, "They stopped, turned around, and Miguel asked me again if you were there."

I see her exhale, looking sad, maybe lost, I think, looking at the table, and she says, "I was about to say again that you weren't, and then he said to remember that we barely knew you, you had only been there twice, the other time you were too young to remember, and more importantly, we were closer, they were closer to me, knew me, and they knew if I was lying about you they would just tell Rosendo and he would be mad at me."

I feel the shaking in her hand and I hear that tiny voice say, "So that's why, because he would get mad at you, that's why you told them, that's why you left me with them, so they would say those things to me, pull on my thick ugly hair, throw things at me because I was too black, and then you, you were, so, you said those things too after, you were so, why, why were you so?"

I hear Lauren inhale, look over at her, see those tears, feeling her squeezing my hand, and I scoot up, and say, "Laurie?"

I see her nod and she says, "Just don't leave Jazzy, but tell me Fernanda, tell me why you were like that, tell me."

I hear our teacher exhale, look over at her, see her dark hazel eyes look watery now, looking at the table, see her swallow, and she says, "That was the first time I told them where to find you, the first time I walked away, the first time for many things, but after that I became like them, not because of them, but because of me."

I hear Lauren inhale and hear that confident, maybe angry voice, say, "What?"

I see our teacher exhale, see her look to the side with pursed lips, those watery eyes, and she says, "I remember that day, when you were leaving, watching you, seeing you smiling, I think after you had found your mother, she had calmed you, and you were getting into their car, with both of them helping you, putting your seatbelt on you, seeing you laughing I think at something they said, happy, and me, standing by the door, watching you all, and then."

I see her look up, see her blink, looking over Lauren's head I think, maybe remembering, and she says, "I felt that hand on my shoulder and I heard him say Miguel told him I had lied about you, had protected you, and I knew better, knew you were the reason my life was like it was, and if I wanted to protect you so much he would make sure I remembered why I was protecting you, what I was getting from you being there, and he would remind me every time I needed to be reminded."

I inhale, hearing her inhale next to me, and I hear Lauren say, "But, why? What did he do?"

I see our teacher exhale, see her forehead scrunch, still looking over Lauren's head, maybe still remembering, and she says, "I didn't understand for a long time, not until I started listening in during their arguments, until I started listening in when I shouldn't have been listening, the jealousy, that horrible jealousy that was there, how he felt everyone would always compare them, how he was just a mechanic, nothing after he came here, had been someone there, in Mexico, had education, some money, but here he would be nothing, nothing compared to someone that had a business, a successful one, enough he could afford to take care of his family, someone who everyone would always respect, not only because of how successful he was but because he was a nice person, a person most people would gravitate to, enough even people that shouldn't have liked him did after getting to know him, whereas he did not have that, could barely hold down a job, and of course his drinking, what was never talked about, led to many of his failures, his failed businesses, his failed marriage, regardless of whether they are still together it's a failed marriage, his children who have turned out to be like him, and me, who started running away when I was thirteen, attempted to live away from them for several months at one point with a normal family, one I was still adjusting to, I felt safe with, and then I got that call, that call from her asking me to come back home because she needed help with my brothers, the house, the cleaning, and she couldn't do it all and take care of Rosendo who was doing drugs at that point, not coming home for days at a time, and when he was there he was more or less always drunk, and would hit us all, mostly me, reminding me over and over that the reason my life was what it was was because my father had left us, he left because of me, because I cried too much, I was too ugly, and I knew that, I knew it because he had a daughter that looked nothing like me and he loved her, he doted on her, her mother doted on her, and she was perfect and what my father wanted, not me, not what I was, because I was that awful, I was that horribly ugly that my father left us for a darker woman, a negra that had a negra daughter who he loved and it wasn't me, it wasn't my mother, and it was my fault, and I had protected you when I was younger because I was stupid, I was a stupid ugly girl, that's why he was beating me again, to remind me that I was stupid for trying to protect you from my cousins who were my real cousins, white, like me, if that's all I was, at least I was white, like my mother, my father's family, at least I was that, but even then I was too ugly and stupid for him to love me, so it must've been me, it must've been me that was the reason he left, because it was only after you were born that we all know he stopped drinking, even if he didn't drink much before that my mother says when she reminisces, but after you were born, after your mother asked him to stop drinking for you, he did, he stopped drinking, and it was for that negra, her daughter, that he stopped drinking, something Rosendo could never do, and everyone knew, my mother's family, my father's family who my mother would commiserate with when she would visit them in secret thinking Rosendo didn't know, and Rosendo's family all the way in Mexico, all those people that compared them, they all knew he was better than Rosendo, and he would show them, he would show them all, feeling him hitting me with his hand because the belt left marks, no longer crying, no longer feeling it, because I deserved it, feeling those hits, not feeling those hits stop until I would hear my mother screaming at him about the bruises, that they would see the bruises, he would see the bruises, try to take me away, and then they would stop getting the money, and he needed to stop hitting me before he left bruises."

I inhale, feeling her leg shaking I think, seeing her, I think, behind the blurriness, as tall as us, being hit like that, being told those things, hearing the sniffling, feeling the tears on my face, seeing her nod with her small smile at Lauren, and she says, "Don't feel bad, please, please don't, I found a way out, I left to friend's houses, stayed at school late studying, and," and I hear that confident voice say, "Why didn't you come to our house Fernanda?"

I exhale, seeing her small smile, and she says, "Because I was lost, very lost, and I knew with how angry, lost, confused I was, I would tell someone, and I felt, at the time, that I needed to protect her, I needed to, because I loved her, regardless of what she did or did not do, I still loved my mother."

I hear that exhale and I hear Lauren say, "But you lived with," and I see her nod with her small smile and she says, "Yes, at thirteen when I started running away, they were trying to figure out what to do with me, to make me stay home, solely because they didn't want the police involved if I was found on the street one of those nights, getting in and out of different cars, possibly a police car at some point, so I asked if I could go, just for a few months, and after some arguing about the money they wouldn't get, they gave in, and I went to live with that normal family, a family that had one daughter, a mother and father that didn't scream, didn't argue, didn't slam doors, had dinner every night at the same time, were boring, and had an extra room they said was just for me if I wanted to stay there permanently, and I felt."

I see her exhale, see her smile get bigger, hearing Lauren exhale, and she says, "Safe. I felt safe at last, even if I was adjusting, would have nightmares of being at home, being hit again, hearing him say over and over how they loved that daughter more than me, how I was the reason my mother wasn't in that house, because of me, because of all those things I was, the only good thing being my skin, the reason I had to keep using those creams my mother gave me, to be as white as I could be she said because at least then we could be better than that woman and her daughter, and then, after months of feeling that safety, the nightmares finally going away, not feeling that anger anymore, confused still, but not as angry, starting to enjoy being there, being with that family even if I was still cold with that girl I was jealous of, regardless of how well her mother treated me, starting to warm up to the idea of living there, being free, being safe, being happy, I got that call, the one where she said she needed me because she couldn't do it all with two boys, her drunk husband, and more so than that, she needed the money she was getting when I was living with them, and she reminded me that I was hers, that she was there when my father left, and that I was her only daughter and she needed me, so I went back."

I exhale, hearing her sniffling, and I hear Lauren say, "I'm so," and I see our teacher inhale and she says, "No, don't you dare say you're sorry for any of it. It was not your fault, any of it, and all you did those months I lived there was try to play with me, bringing me your homework so I could help you, trying, always coming to me to just play or ask me questions, telling you that I didn't want to, seeing you walk away looking like you were about to cry, telling myself to not feel bad for making you cry because the people that had raised me, the cousins I had always been around all hated you and your mother, not understanding it was jealousy, jealousy that your mother was wonderful and loving, always to me, always, your father loved you because he just did and he stopped drinking possibly for you or your mother or himself and they were all just jealous of his success, his life, his wonderful and beautiful wife, and they infected me, my cousins who are all still miserable in one way or another, my mother who was and is still too sick, too miserable herself, to see what she was doing to me, and Rosendo."

I see her inhale, see her exhale, see her blink maybe looking sad, and she says, "Who this time was in the hospital due to ruptured ulcers because of his drinking, and who I can say today is a horrible person I don't want in my life, who will probably die in the next few years, and who is not the sole person responsible for how alone and angry I felt, as my mother could've stopped it, could've stopped the other things that happened in that house, but she chose to look the other way, why she feels guilt, and," and I hear that sniffly voice say, "What other things Fernanda, what happened in that house?"

I see that small smile and she says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, that's not important and," and I feel Lauren move forward, looking over at her, putting my hands around her shoulders, holding her, and she says, "What do you mean it's not important! What other things happened!"

I hold her, rubbing her shoulder, trying to calm her, seeing those mad eyes, those tears on her face, hearing a chair move, and I see those hazel eyes look up, seeing those hazel eyes following something, and I see that black long skirt.

I look up, see her looking at us, and she says, "Jazmine, can I have her, please?"

I look down at Lauren, see her looking up at her, see exhale and nod, and I let go.

And I feel my eyebrow rise seeing her bend down, grab Lauren's hands, and she says, "It is not important and if anything happened, anything at all, it is for me to carry, not you, it is my burden to carry, and if you ever, I hope not, but if you ever are to see him again, I hope that you can respect him as my mother's husband, my brothers' father, even if I do not speak to my brothers anymore because we can't seem to agree on how I believe they shouldn't be doing drugs or stealing, but I hope, regardless of what I've said tonight that you can keep letting me carry all of my burdens, burdens that are not yours, which is why I do not want to talk about that, as it was not my intent to dive into that and I am not going to, not because I don't trust you but because it's not important, not anymore, not after I have finally left that behind by going to the first college that accepted me, not waiting for any other letters, just accepting that day, leaving for those years, visiting for hours at a time when I did, going to school during the summer to not go home, being placed in a program where I was assured a teaching position as long as I completed the classes necessary for my teaching credential in conjunction with my undergraduate classes, all of that work in order to teach children that I could only hope I would help in transitioning, breaking a language barrier for themselves and their families, making their lives easier even if my life was anything but easy, and applying at your school selfishly to be close to my father that has always loved me and doesn't have to know about everything that happened to me, a wonderful woman that was always loving and warm to me, even when I was a lonely and angry child, and you, the little sister I wanted to protect but was too scared and lost to voice that, to tell them all that I wasn't jealous of you like they were, I simply wanted to be with you, to live in a house with a father and a mother that were boring and normal and warm and loving and a little sister that I could love and protect from the world, because that's all I ever wanted, since I was a little girl, I wanted a little sister, and when I finally got her I had already been infected with hate and a jealousy that wasn't mine to carry, those things were for others to carry, not mine, and that's what I told them when I saw them this summer, exactly what I told my mother the next day after sleeping in that toybox, when I told her I was waiting to find out if I was given the position at your school, and if I did get it I would be moving here, to be close to you, something she never let me have, and her response was asking me why I had stopped using those creams to lightened my skin, because that's all she cared about, not about me, always too busy with her husband who was abusing me, her sons who are now using her house as a drug house, the reason I would only stay there that one night, sleeping in a toybox that reminded me of you, and the reason I left the next morning without saying goodbye even to her, checking into a hotel that day, calling my father and Lorena to ask them if they would be visiting like they always do, asking them if I could see them and I would wait a few weeks for them, visiting old friends while I waited for them, and then meeting them at the airport, both of them hugging me like they missed me, like I was that wayward child that was finally coming home, both of them not knowing I wanted to tell them and you, I hoped, about the possibility of me getting this position, both of them getting up from their seats at the restaurant there, hugging me, hearing Lorena crying, happy, my father holding it in but knowing he wanted to cry too, both of them telling me they were so happy and so proud one of their."

I see her exhale, seeing those tears going down her face, see her smile that smile I know, the one Lauren has, and she says, "So proud one of their daughters had become a teacher, was teaching children to speak proper Spanish, helping them transition to English, and now, if I chose to take this job at your school, because they just knew I would get it, they would have me close, what they always wanted and."

I see her inhale, seeing her sniffle, hearing the sniffling from Lauren, feeling those tears on my face, seeing her smiling that pretty smile Lauren has, and she says, "And when I told them on Sunday why I was here, how I had accepted the position a few weeks ago, had moved here last week, they were so happy and they wanted to throw a big party but I told them first I wanted to talk to you, to explain things to you, even if it took me weeks, months, it wouldn't matter as long as I finally got to talk to you about all of it, of course they thought it was just me wanting to talk to you about me getting this position at your school, but really it was more, so much more, everything I wanted to tell you, how sorry I have been for years, how much I've thought about you, that first time you came running to me so I could protect you and I failed you, some of the reasons, never equal to the pain I made you feel, but some of the reasons I told my cousins where they could find you and why I continued to cause you pain, none of those reasons being ones you have to think about or carry because they are mine to carry, whatever was done to me is my burden to carry, not yours, that anger, that confusion, is all mine to carry, will always be, being relieved of it for those few months I lived with a wonderful normal family where I had a little sister, a little sister that had all those questions for me about her homework, wanting to play with her, a little sister who knows to never say she's sorry for any of it because she knows she has no fault in any of it, doesn't need to know any more than what I've told her tonight because I want her to trust me that that's all she needs to know, the rest is for me to carry, and that's what I will do from now on to protect you, by never letting you carry any burden that is not yours to carry, as long as it's taken me to be here, too long, I will do that much, if you let me, if you allow me, and I hope, I really do with all my heart, that that's enough for now, so that maybe we can start to be close, what I came here for, why I accepted this position at your school, to be close to my father, his wonderful wife, and my little sister, the one I don't deserve but I want to have anyways, hoping, after allowing me to explain some things to you tonight that you will also allow me, one day, to be close to you, that's all I came here for, and you don't have to decide anything tonight because you can take all the time you want."

I inhale, hearing that sound, looking over at her, seeing her looking down, seeing those shoulders in her black dress shaking, hearing her crying, making me cry more, and I see those arms hug her, and I hear her say, "Lorí no lleros, todo esta bien, si quieres me voy, no tengo que quedarme si no," and I hear Lauren's muffled voice say, "No Nanda no te vallas, stay, be here, don't go back and be alone like me before I came here, before my friends, stay, be here, be my sister, I want, I want, I want my sisters and my friends and Hiro and you, don't go, please, please, please Nanda…."

I exhale, blinking, hearing her, feeling my small smile, hearing Lauren telling her sister to not leave, to stay, to stay with her, and I hear that sound.

I look over, feeling my eyes get big, standing up, hearing Lauren and her sister crying, seeing the doorhandle moving, running over to the door, and I grab the handle, pushing it down, and I walk inside to the restaurant.

I exhale, seeing the waiter's eyebrow rise, seeing her holding onto the cart with plates, and I smile and I say, "I'm sorry but is it okay if I take this to the table, they just need a little privacy, please?"

I see the waiter look over me, looking out onto the balcony, see her small smile, see her look down at me, and she says, "Claro, I'll leave the food on this cart, you can take it to the table, and if you need anything please use this."

And I feel my eyebrow rise seeing her pull out a black square from her apron, a phone with a green button I think, and I hear her say, "This is what we use to tell customers when their table is ready, so if and when you need something, anything, drinks, more appetizers, deserts, anything at all, please press the button, I will have the buzzer on me, and I will come right away, and please take your time, we don't close until one am for customers who have already been seated, and I wanted to say that's a pretty jade necklace."

I exhale, looking up at her, seeing her small smile, feeling my smile, knowing I'm really happy I kept my necklace on today after going to sleep wearing it last night, and I say, "Thank you so much."

I see her nod with her smile, see her put down that control with the green button on the cart, see her turn around, and I look down at that cart with our plates and that control, and I exhale, knowing you are watching Black Jesus.

Thank you.

I exhale, feeling that head, and I hear her say, "Thank you for today."

I inhale, bringing her in, feeling my smirk remembering all we did today, and I say, "You're thanking me for letting you come when I woke up with you under the covers of this bed, dressed, kissing me, asking me if I wanted breakfast, then when we got there you wouldn't stop helping, cleaning wherever I found you, while you helped with those numerous kids, and you're thanking me for letting you?"

I feel that inhale, knowing I'm relaxed, feeling that soft shirt covering those breasts on my side, exhaling, relaxing, hearing that giggle, feeling my damn smirk, and I hear that voice say, "Yes okay, I'm thanking you because even though we still hadn't talked about it you let me come with you and Riley, without arguing with me, you let both my sister and me come even though we knew you two wanted us to stay home or go to the mall to hang out with our friends, and you let us help, and then after calling our friends knowing the kids were gonna all be there for lunch, so we were gonna be taking care of the kids that came with the people that work there and more kids that were gonna be there to eat for lunch, we all had so much fun with the kids and then when Zari and his mom and Nillan showed up, and her just being so nice about how you helped her and," and I inhale, remembering, and I say, "And you helped, primarily, with me only advising on what to put down on that list so she could focus on that information and not the information I knew that school wouldn't care for, like his grandparent's information, unnecessary useless information, but you created the list, you even filled out some of the form even if I told you not to, just so his mother wouldn't have to, and still, when they got there you didn't correct her while she kept thanking Monica, my brother, and myself, thinking we did all of that for her when it was Monica and you who took the initiative with gathering the information and the forms for her, filling them out partially, and then making that list for her."

I exhale, holding what's mine, remembering standing in that office with them, having been caught before I could leave, seeing that woman walk in with Zari and his cousin, and I say, "Monica gave them the opportunity and you made it feasible, comprehendible for her, and still you stood there for ten seconds, I saw that smile on you while she was thanking us, and then you walked away with the kids to continue playing with them, meaning, like I've always known, you don't like taking credit for how much you do and you do too much for others."

I exhale, relaxing to that sound possibly, and I hear that voice say, "Huey, by bestie and my one and only, yes I helped a little, but you told me what to put down on that list and Monica was the reason all of that even happened, which I think is kind of funny, how Monica was almost jumping up and down, excited, when we got there, and told us that Zari did really well on that test and he started going to Tam Tam and TT's school this week and Zari even got into Tam Tam's class, telling us her babies were in the backyard and they were gonna tell us but she wanted to thank us for helping Zari and his mom with the forms, like she was just really happy that Zari was in Tam Tam's class, and then her babies, on my Black Jesus, Tam Tam and TT were so happy with TT saying that Nillan said he wants to start going to that school too, and then Monica explaining that there's a program for kids in his grade but it's a little different and he would have to start studying to take a placement test at the end of the year and then see if he can get into their school too, maybe even into TT's classes, because that test is only to get into their school and he can only take it because someone in his house is already in that school, so many rules to get into that school, but then seeing TT jumping up and down asking Monica to help Nillan too because she wants him there to play with her during her lunch, seeing Nillan get super red I think embarrassed, hearing us all laughing with TT being that cute, and just having fun with those games Mimi's and Laurie told us about today so we could play with the kids."

I nod, remembering them talking about that subject, the one of Zari's cousin taking that placement test, before I walked away to prepare for the day, knowing they would be playing those games, some that Ming and Lauren created, and I ask, "How is she doing today?"

I feel that kiss on my chest, feeling myself in that place, and I hear that voice say, "She told us that last night she talked to her parents again, and it was a really good talk again, talking about things they know about, not everything we know about her sister, you know, that stuff."

I nod, knowing what she told me although she says she asked Lauren if it was fine to tell me and Cindy and apparently Lauren said she was fine with everyone at school at some point finding out about that teacher being her half-sibling but the rest of what was discussed during that dinner she wanted only her friends and Hiro to know about, apparently her friends being all of us, possibly so she doesn't have to hide that from us, a smart move consideration how much time we all spend together, that her half-sibling that's now teaching at that institution was beaten by a shit that will possibly die soon, making this world a better place when he dies.

I feel her move, feeling that leg over me, bringing it up, getting comfortable, and I hear that voice say, "So she's still good, for sure happier with her sister here now and getting to know her, something I know is really important, having your brothers and sisters close to you, even if you didn't grow up with them or come from the same parents or even the same family, just having them close to you, because everyone needs that, so I think Laurie's gonna be even happier now, telling us today that now she gets to have four sisters instead of three, so yes, I think Laurie's good. Thank you for asking bestie."

I exhale, nodding, hearing that sound, that sound I'm relaxing too, feeling good, and I hear that voice say, "I want you to rest, I do, so we can talk about this tomorrow if you want, but, um, how was your day?"

I open my eyes and I see those plastic stars again, the ones that are brighter than the ones I replaced two days ago, on Thursday night while she was at that restaurant, eleven minutes away if I drove through red lights and parks on the way there, knowing I had to focus on something mundane that night. That day after school, we had dropped Jazmine and Cindy off at their house, went to work with my brother as usual, had started working, and then I got that message from Hiro asking me to pick him up at Leo's store after I left work. I made sure to do as much as I could for the day, locked the office, giving the keys to my brother, drove to Leo's store, picked up Hiro, and then drove to my house. And on the way there Hiro said he had asked me to pick him up not only so he could go with me when I dropped them off at that restaurant but because he wanted to be at my house, some feet away from Dorothy, just in case anything went array and we needed to get to that restaurant, telling me how much he still wasn't sure about that dinner, how he didn't trust her after all she put Lauren through, and I told him he needed to focus on something or he might show up to that restaurant and do something idiotic. We got to my house and he went to see Lauren at Jazmine's house, while I went home, not having to check the platforms because Jazmine and Ming had already done so, letting Caesar and I focus on work, and giving me time to go through other websites, to see where that fucken disgusting piece of shit had been hiding these last few days, seeing he had been making purchases at liquor stores again, near that hospital again where I found that woman had checked into the morning we saw that video in Chicago, not looking into it because it's not my business, but knowing that must mean that woman had checked into that hospital again, and then hearing the sound of my phone, that song she saved as my alert for messages from her, seeing that message, knowing it was time to leave. Then, after we dropped them off, we drove back home, hearing Hiro say not a damn word, and I told him to calm the fuck down or I'd find that cliff with those wolves and throw him off even if I knew he'd climb back up dragging one of those damn wolves with him, and I heard him possibly exhale and start that cackling of his, and he thanked me. I nodded and then he started talking about work, music he had made the costumers listen to at the store for his own enjoyment, music he knew they didn't care for but he did. We got to my house, parked Dorothy in the driveway, and I saw the lights on in the garage. I knew my brother would be home by then, possibly had already gone to see Cindy, hearing what he calls music coming from the garage, and I knew what he was doing. I heard the car door close, saw Hiro walk into the garage, knowing my brother had probably set up the equipment as soon as he got home, so Hiro could focus on that and not on leaving to go back to that restaurant. And I heard that first hit as I walked pass the door of the garage, knowing the difference between training and punching something over and over until you no longer felt anything but anger, knowing they could have the garage tonight and I would train the next day. I walked into the house to check on Grandad and to wait for those messages Jazmine said she would be sending every half an hour to that group text she created for all of us, while I replaced those insignificant plastic stars I purchased more of to replace the ones that were dimming.

I hear that voice ask me again about my day and I exhale, bringing her over me, seeing that hair, those eyes, those bright greens that are too big, just like her forehead, making her look too young and too much like a deity, one of those goddesses we used to worship, wanting to possibly, childishly, dream about that tonight, closing my eyes, and I say, "Fine, was what it needed to be, and none of it matters."

I feel her moving, feeling that lightness over me, possibly trying to cover me, feeling my smirk, relaxing into this place where I want to be, and I hear that voice say, "Okay bestie, we can talk about it later, just know I'm here to talk to about work or that guy or Cairo, I love you, goodnight."

I inhale, feeling that lightness over me, having some of those thoughts from today, hearing him asking those idiotic questions, questions that made no fucken sense, trying to relax after having to deal with that other idiot that started working at the shelter today, the new employee I'll have to keep an eye on, specifically when her or her friends are there, remembering going to the kitchen, not seeing him there, walking out to the backyard, and seeing that idiot watching them playing with those kids. I told him twice to go back inside and finish his work, saw him turn around, and I followed him back into the kitchen, passing that other idiot helping my brother in the storage room with the two employees scheduled to come in that morning to help with breakfast and the cleaning. I went back to the office, trying to figure out how I was going to figure out this problem, the one of that idiot cleaning in the kitchen that would be there during the day on weekdays after he was properly trained, apparently over the age of eighteen, had dropped out of high school, and had quit that job at that pizza place, where he was working in the back making those pizzas the last time we were there, the one Ronnie, who Jazmine said it dating one of her friends now, apparently Lena's cousin, had told Jazmine and her friends was 'creepy' or a fucken idiot or both. And there's the other imbecile there, the one I have yet to beat another time, hearing him walking into the office, grabbing the supplies in the closet, knowing Monica had left to help Frank at their office where Frank was taking care of Mr. Willis, Jazmine, her sister, and her friends were in the backyard with Tamera and Tia and the rest of those children, my brother was in the storage room with those two employees, I had to keep an eye on the idiot that was cleaning the kitchen, and I heard that imbecile that didn't let her enjoy herself in Chicago, the one that would be in two of her classes this year, one I happen to be in, ask me a dumbass question.

I exhale, feeling her moving, hearing that sound I'm relaxing too, her breathing, remembering today, all of it, and say the truth, "It was fine."

I inhale, hearing her breathing, and I hear myself continue, "I went through the schedules, made some changes, called those employees to confirm they could come in certain days they weren't scheduled for, one or two of them complained, not caring, telling them if they didn't want to go in I didn't care and I would just ask the next person on the list, hearing them say something about my age and being the manager, not caring, hanging up on them, hearing the phone ringing several times before I picked up, hearing that employee ask to be placed on the schedule and possibly apologize for being an idiot, still not caring, scheduling them in for those days, thanking them for their service, hanging up on them, and then I had to deal with those two, one of them that was being 'creepy' as you like to call it, possibly a psychotic piece of shit, watching you all several times before I told him to get back to work, hearing my brother tell him to clean the kitchen again at one point, the damn arguing about Riley being younger than him, hearing Riley tell him if he wanted to get fired when Monica got back that was his damn choice, the damn arguing, finally hearing that idiot cleaning the kitchen again, shit I don't have time for with the bills, the damn emails, everything I can't get to because of all the changes during the week from those companies, the employees, the transfers I have to make sure of, seeing as I refuse to have more than what is necessary in the one account used to pay bills and payroll, something Frank and Monica don't care for but I keep telling them it's necessary to make sure we keep track of the money used only for bills and payroll, bills that can be lowered by not using up so much electricity in the office or by letting go of some employees, just all of the finances that take up too much of my time now, then there's submitting the payroll sheets every week, making sure it's all correct so I can sign off on it and then Monica can sign off on it tomorrow, and just all that shit that I was able to take care of today, hours of just getting everything up to date because Monica and Frank had too much to do with the shelter during the summer, letting go of employees, hiring them, setting up the account where those thrift stores can donate credit we can now give people to spend at those stores, all of it, and I'm damn sure Monica and Frank knew when I came back I could take of whatever fell through the cracks, like I did when I went through those payroll sheets today, saw that some of the employees didn't get paid overtime at the beginning of the summer when we had just left and Monica and Frank were trying to distribute the responsibilities between themselves, showing Monica when she got back today, seeing her calling those employees to apologize and telling them they could come in to get their overtime pay tomorrow, just all of that, and then dealing with pointless shit when it wasn't important, pissing me off regardless, and just waiting for you to come get me for those breaks, and thank you for those breaks, I think I needed them."

I exhale, feeling those arms on my chest, wanting to see her, opening my eyes, seeing that hair, those eyes, that smile with that moonlight, knowing she put those arms on my chest at some point during my rant, seeing those soft hands holding up her chin, that smile, feeling my smile, maybe, and I see her start that giggling she does, seeing her shaking that afro.

I feel my eyebrow rise, not seeing what's so funny to that Jazmine head even if I'm smiling like an idiot, seeing her exhale with that smile, and she says, "I knew you needed me to pull you away every two hours, at least, making you go for those walks even if you didn't say anything, knowing how stressed you were because you weren't talking, and now that you did talk, do you feel better?"

I exhale, putting my arm around that waist, holding her over me, feeling that long leg between my legs, seeing that smirk on those full lips, those bright stars around that afro, thinking those stars are adding to the appearance of that halo, and I feel my smile and say the truth, "Yeah, I do."

I see that smile and she says, "Good, now, only because you didn't talk about it and because I'm curious, what questions was he asking that were annoying you?"

I inhale, moving up, kissing that forehead, coming back down, and I say, "Pointless questions about how much I trust you."

I see that fine eyebrow rise, feeling my smirk, possibly, seeing her exhale, and she says, "Seriously?"

I exhale, nod, and I say, "Like I said, made no sense, and I told him that question made no fucken sense and he needed to get back to work and then he told me he was serious and he wanted to know if I trusted you tell me important things, things that actually matter."

I see her open that mouth, see her exhale, possibly confused, feeling my exhale, possibly my smile, and I say, "I told him the simple answer is yes and he didn't need to know more, and then."

I exhale, remembering that question, another one that made no fucken sense, specifically why he would be asking me that question, and I hear that voice ask me to continue, and I nod and I say, "He asked me if it had to do with killing someone, even if they didn't matter, if you would tell me."

I see those greens open, feeling my smile, moving up, kissing that forehead, coming back down, licking my lips, tasting that skin again, wondering when my life became this exceptional, seeing her over me with that look I want to remember, the one where I can tell she's confused and she's trying to think this through, this question she has, seeing her exhale, and she says, "Um, okay, I guess the answer is still yes, if I were to, um, kill somewhere, I guess by accident, I would still tell you, and how would they not matter? I mean all people matter in that way, I mean yes, I know some people don't matter when it's about thinking about them or giving them 'free rent in your head' Hiroki says, but they matter where they shouldn't die, we just need to ignore some people sometimes, okay, I'm talking in circles, I think, but yes, all people matter and I would tell you if I accidently, very accidently, killed someone, but why would he ask you that question?"

I exhale and say the truth, "Because he's an idiot."

I see that smile, see her shake that afro, feeling myself breathing, possibly looking forward to these nights in this room or in her house, in her room, anywhere, alone, seeing her look at my chest, possibly thinking, seeing her exhale with those pursed lips, and she says, "He has been acting weird but I don't think it's anything too bad because Ms. Lydia sounded okay today when she called, asking me some questions about him and telling her I didn't really know, asking her how she was doing, and her saying that she's good and she really likes her new job but she wanted to know if they give them days off at nursing homes so she can go to more of those meetings she goes to, so whatever he's going through, why he's been acting weird, asking you those questions, I know it doesn't have to do with his mom, maybe, I don't know, but maybe he's just going through stuff at school, because now that I think about it and I don't know if you remember but when you dropped me off at Ms. Reed's yesterday and I passed them walking into class, I heard Michelle telling him they needed to talk, and then after I walked in I heard him walking in behind me, and then I saw Michelle walk in, I don't know, I do know I noticed, I guess because I haven't looked at her all week until yesterday that Michelle looked different, I don't know how, but she looks different, and that was a long tangent, sorry bestie."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling my smirk, having felt it ten seconds ago, moving down some, down that long leg, seeing her inhale and I see her look up at me and she says, "Really?"

I exhale and say the truth, "You've been on top of me for several minutes now and you just reminded me of why I did drop you off at that class yesterday, because of that janitor's room we were in, the one we will both be using to miss our history classes where we both have friends who will take notes for us, which means we can meet there after your Spanish class every two weeks or so, and all we did while we were in that janitor's room was kiss for that hour, you told me about how well your Spanish class went now that Lauren and her half-sibling are on speaking terms, and then I had to drop you off at that class where I know that idiot is and I can't follow you into, then last night you spent time with your family, this morning I hardly had you for ten minutes before we had to have breakfast and then drive over to the shelter to be there on time, and right now while we're finally alone, I want more."

I see that blush cover that nose, those freckles, those freckles she has, feeling relaxed even if I'm hard now, hearing her breathing, that sound I wanted to sleep to, seeing that face I wanted to go to sleep dreaming about, after everything she went through this week for her friends, all we did today, feeling my smirk, and I continue, "Although."

I see that fine eyebrow rise and I say, "We're both tired from this week, today alone, no matter how hard I am right now solely because you're on top of me, and tomorrow we're sleeping in, so why don't we go to sleep and tomorrow I'm waking you up after I take off your clothes."

I see that giggle, see her shaking that afro, that smirk on those full lips, hoping I'm not going to regret waiting until tomorrow morning, but I know we're both tired after everything from this week, today, and we both need sleep, after dealing with idiots this week, schedules, bank accounts today, people that do no matter in the least every single day, some that do matter, stopping on the way home today to get food at that restaurant my brother likes and has enough choices I'm willing to stop at, mildly surprised even if I shouldn't have been when I heard Jazmine and her sister say they had already ordered food, it was ready to be picked up, and then we came home, checked on Grandad, ate that food, Jazmine and Cindy called Sarah to confirm she was at Leo's, and my brother and Cindy went to sleep at Sarah's house, while Jazmine and I watched the news with Grandad until he fell asleep on the couch and we took him upstairs, feeling that relief knowing even those ten days he was here alone he was staying with Ms. Lola, feeling that soft hand pulling me towards my room, hearing her tell me it was late and we were going to sleep after we got ready for bed, seeing that smirk on those full lips, and she says, "Okay bestie but don't be surprised if you wake up with me taking off your clothes."

I inhale, pulling her up, tasting those lips, feeling those hands on my arms, smelling that hair that's a crown, the one she wore today that possibly looked straighter she said after using a headwrap last night, not caring as long as it's her hair, tasting what's mine, hearing her breathing, relaxing to that sound, knowing I'll be dreaming, childishly, about that crown, those big green jewels she has for eyes, those freckles, and everything else that makes her a black deity, before I wake up to take off her clothes in the morning, feeling good.

I exhale, feeling so good, walking in with her, hearing her say good afternoon to our teacher, seeing our teacher smile at us, smiling at her, getting to our seats, letting go of her, and I sit down, hearing the dumb gossiping, not caring, and I hear our teacher say, "Silencio y pasen sus tareas al frente."

I hear the groans, rolling my eyes, remembering the only homework assignment she gave us on Friday was to change the wrong answers on our quizzes to the right answers, luckily I only had two wrong answers out of the twenty questions so I got an A on my first quiz, I know Lauren got a perfect score because she's that good, and I'll just have to keep studying, working hard, taking out my notebook, hearing it, not caring, and I hear our teacher say, "Señorita Gretchen y señorita Genesis por que siguen hablando?"

I take out my color pens, so happy I'm using them in this class so I can use them when I'm adding those 'diacritics' our teacher said, I think one of them is the 'acute accent' and the other is the 'tilde' and there's another one but Lauren said the ones we're going to use a lot more of are those two so I need to make sure I practice using those two on the right words, like when I spell 'Señorita' the tilde is on top of the 'n,' as I'm writing it out in my notebook, and I hear that girl say that, and I feel my eyes open and I look up.

I see our teacher look over at her, see that smile, feeling my eyebrow rise, putting my hand on Lauren's shoulder, and our teacher says with that smile, "I will say this in English so as that everyone in this class understands me quite well and if you don't then I can say it in three other languages I speak fluently, and that is that I will treat all students equally in this classroom, including the student you just named, and if you haven't noticed Genesis, Lauren has her homework on her desk, although, along with only two other students in this class, she received a perfect score on last week's quiz and was not required to turn in a homework assignment, and still, she has her homework assignment on her desk, and so," and I hear that voice say, "This Spanish two and if it ain't," and I look over, blinking, not knowing what's going on, seeing him there, with his phone in his hand, looking up at our teacher, I think.

I exhale, confused, really confused, hearing girls I think saying something dumb about him when he's way older, seeing him standing there under the doorframe, holding his phone, remembering Hiroko I think, something she texted, not remembering what she texted with everything that's been happening, something about not letting people 'rent space in your head' she said, and then something about sending something, not remembering what she texted, seeing him looking at the front of the class, and I hear our teacher say, "This is Spanish two, who are you, and where is your visitor's pass?"

I exhale, hearing Lauren say his name, seeing him look over at Lauren, seeing him blink looking at both of us, walking in, and I hear our teacher say, "Stop right there and answer me."

I see him stop, see him look over at our teacher, seeing him swallow I think, maybe standing up straighter, and he says, "I'm just, see I'm here to um, bring this," and I hear our teacher say, "Hold on."

I blink, looking over at our teacher, see her inhale looking at that guy about to sit next to Lauren, and she says, "Señor Rigoberto hablemos de esto la ultima semana. No me obligue a enviarlo a la oficina de la directora y tener otra cita con sus padres. Ahora, encontrará un asiento a dos filas de la señorita Lauren y la señorita Jazmine o estará de pie todo el período y al final del período irá a la oficina de la directora y tendré esa cita por segunda vez con sus padres esta semana. ¿Me he hecho clara esta vez señor Rigoberto?"

I inhale, trying to keep up, remembering last week, because she said 'ultima semana,' I think that he needs to sit two files or rows away from us or he's going to the 'directora' or the principal and maybe having a 'cita' or a meeting with his parents, a 'segunda' or second meeting, not sure if she had a meeting with his parents last week after he cursed at her, remembering Lauren saying they are talking, texting, but they don't talk about school because that's 'work related' and she wants to respect that her sister is our teacher, hearing that guy saying something, and seeing him stand up and walk away to another seat, I think two rows away, feeling that exhale in that shoulder, feeling my small smile seeing our teacher nod at Lauren, and I see her turn back to the door.

I see her exhale, see her smile, hearing him curse I think, seeing her open her mouth, maybe confused, making me giggle because he can't just not curse even here when he's trying to bring something to me.

Oh my Black Jesus that's why he's here.

And I hear him say, "So yeah, just hear cuz, um," and I hear her say, "I apologize, one more thing."

I see our teacher look back at the class, see her exhale looking at that girl I think, and she says, "I need to finish what I was explaining to you Genesis, something that I will reiterate as many times as I need to, and of course will continue explaining it in English so everyone understands, as it affects everyone in this class, and that is that I will treat all students equally, have been grading all students just as, and will continue to, including those students that just happened to receive a perfect score on last week's quiz, have their homework assignment on their desk even if they will not be receiving additional credit for turning it in, and have been speaking Spanish since they stepped into this class, not waiting for the bell to ring to do so, and if anyone in this class feels that I am not following that rule I will have you first come and talk to me privately, but if you do not feel comfortable doing so, I ask that you speak to the front office, as anyone there, including the counselors, will assist you, they will inform the principal, and then an investigation will take place, one that will include a thorough review of my grading process, one I happen to be very proud of and have yet to have any student or parent in the past argue, but I welcome criticism from all angles, including from students that feel I should be asking others to take out their homework assignments, something that I would only do if that student was receiving special treatment, which they are not, and why I did not ask Lauren to take out her homework assignment, because I am treating her like every other student in this class, regardless of what rumors I am fully aware of have been circulating on this campus, whether they are true or not and I care little to know of because they will make little difference to how I choose to teach this class, or do you not agree Genesis?"

I hear that exhale from that girl, feeling my smirk, hearing I think some guys saying something about how hot she is, feeling my eyebrow rise, thinking maybe guys do like strong women even if they don't say it out loud, or maybe she's just that pretty, seeing those dark hazel eyes turn back to him, see her smile, hearing him curse again, shaking my head that he cannot stop cursing even here, at our school, and she says, "I apologize again for cutting you off in that way, almost felt like I shut you up several times even if that was not my intention, but please continue to explain who you are, why you're here, and of course I need to see your visitor's pass."

I stand up, looking over at him, see him looking at our teacher, see him smile and exhale, I think hearing girls saying dumb things about him, how cute he is, who he is, feeling my eyebrow rise, remembering he does have to come here once in a while to check on this 'investment,' and he says, "Well, see, I'm here to give this box to um, um, you know, um, well, Hiroko sent this box and she said it had to get to her real quick, and I needed to come to check on this here investment so I decided to shoot few birds with one bullet, bring this, whatever in it ain't none of my business, and make sure this investment hasn't come crashing down to some fiery shitty hell with what they be telling us goes down here, and see, well, here I am."

I feel my mouth open, trying to not laugh, seeing him looking at our teacher like that, with his mouth open, kind of smiling, totally confused, hearing him not making sense, I think, hearing girls saying he's super cute, making me giggle a little, and I hear our teacher say, "I see, well then, that gives me some information, can I see your visitor's pass?"

I blink and I hear Lauren say, "Um, Nan, I mean, um, maestra, esta aqui para Jazmine y para mi, y ese caja que tiene es para Jazmine."

I blink, keeping up, knowing Lauren just said he's here for us, seeing our teacher blushing looking him, I think, and I see her nod, see her turn to Lauren, and she says, "Perdón?"

I exhale, smiling, thinking she looks cute blushing, and I say, "Um, maestra, si, esta aqui para nosotras."

I exhale, hoping I said the last word the right way, the 'feminine' way she said with an 'a' at the end and not an 'o,' seeing her looking at me with her small smile, and she says, "Está bien Jazmine, pero no puede simplemente entrar ha esta clase sin un pase de visitante y tendrá que ver las después de que termine la escuela, preferiblemente con sus padres presentes."

I exhale, blinking, really trying to keep up, thinking she said something about entering, visitor, end of school, and parents, I think, and I hear Lauren say, "Um maestra, prometemos que es un buen amigo nuestro y solo está aquí para," and I hear him say, "Didn't know you two that damn good at Spanish, you want a job, hell, get you two jobs way I know you'll can handle and how you talk…"

I see our teacher look over at him with that raised eyebrow, hearing him talking, and she says, "First, neither one of them needs to be working with the amount of work they receive in their classes, and second, did you just cut off my si, I mean my student in mid-sentence while she was speaking the language we happen to be learning in this class?"

I hear those inhales, I think from most of the students, and I look over at him, see him nod with his mouth open, hearing him curse, and I hear our teacher say, "And that language, you do know we're in school and these children have impressionable minds, and has anyone ever told you cursing is usually done by those that have an inferiority complex or feel their language skills are lacking?"

I blink, trying to calm things down, I think, and I say, "Um Ms. Colón, I mean maestra, el es," and I see him inhale, seeing his eyebrows lower, I think getting mad, and he says, "Nah Jazzy, I'll take care of this, yeah, I know how to speak perfectly damn fine, I just like speaking like I do, makes those 'round me know I mean business, even if I can speak diplomatically when I got to, but that's not why I'm here, I'm here to give this box to Jazzy over there, and damn it I'ma give it to her cuz after this I got more meetings I got to be at where I know I'ma end up talking to motherfuckers that can't understand what I'm saying, having to resay shit three or fifteen times 'til they understand I mean business, and you standing there, looking like you do, talking like that, ain't gonna stop that from happening, just making it that damn harder for me to get to business, now, I'ma leave this box right here, Jazzy can pick it up when you'll done talking circles around these kids that I know ain't understanding half the shit you'll saying, specially ones that ain't old enough to have their balls drop but still think they can look at you like they got a shot at you, ain't blaming their asses, probably be the same way when I was that age if I had a teacher like you, but 'least I'd know to not dream 'bout even walking up to you cuz I'd know you need a man, not some god damn kid with no ball sack to his damn name, and now that I've explained myself, said my piece, I'ma leave this shit right here."

I see him put that box on our teacher's desk, see him turn back to her, seeing him I think checking her out again, I think, see him exhale and turn, and I blink, seeing him walking out, hearing I think Lauren standing up, thinking about that day, I think during our Spring Break, at the Freeman house, all of us hanging out, remembering him saying something about a girl that he wanted, a girl that could shut him up and maybe had color, telling him later, I think at the fair we all went to, that we'd work on it, getting him a girl, I think, I don't know, seeing him walking out, and I hear Lauren and myself say, "Rummy!"

I see him stop outside of the door, see him turn back to us with his raised eyebrow, maybe a little red, thinking for sure he's either mad or blushing, I don't know, and I exhale, not knowing what to say, turning to her, seeing those light hazel eyes looking at me, not knowing what to say, hearing those steps coming back into our class, and I hear him say, "What you need Jazzy, Lauren, gotta get going, 'less you need something, security or some shit?"

And I feel my smile, seeing Lauren's big smile, knowing he's trying to stay, he is, and I look over at him, and I say, "Well, um, that would be good," and I hear our teacher say, "Girls, I don't think that's necessa," and I hear Lauren say, "Um, maestra, puedo hablar Ingles para que todos entiendan?"

I look over at our teacher, see her nod with her small smile, I think almost looking proud that Lauren asked if she could speak English so everyone could understand what she wanted to say, and I hear Lauren say, "Well, maybe we don't need security, only because our security is the best security ever, but I think Rummy said he needed to check on investments here, right Rummy?"

I look over at Rummy, see him smirk a little, looking at Lauren, I think nodding, and he says, "I do gotta do that at some point, could take care of that shit, mean that, could take of that right now, walk 'round the school, make sure things being done, you know, the works and shit, teachers in class teaching something, kids in classes doing something with themselves, not out there painting what ain't art, tagging those kids be calling it, cuz we know only one that we let that shit fly with doesn't do that no more, and then I gotta talk to that principal you'll got to see if there any problems with people not paying their damn bill, but yeah, gotta do that at some point."

I blink and I say, "How about now?"

I see Rummy look at me, see his eyebrow rise, see his smirk get bigger, I hope thinking what Lauren and me are thinking, and I hear our teacher say, "Okay, how about, since this class is still in session and we have much to cover we get back to the lecture, Jazmine you can of course pick up that box after class, and Mr. Rummy, I believe."

I see him look at her, see him check her out again, and I exhale, hearing our teacher swallow, I think getting nervous, and I hear her say, "You should probably get going to your appointments so we can," and I blink, having I think what my friends would say is a really 'Jazmine idea,' and I say, "Um maestra, puede el señor Rummy usar nuestra clase para," I exhale, trying to think about my words, feeling Lauren put her hand on my shoulder, feeling my smile, seeing our teacher smile at me, thinking about all the times Lauren and me have joked around text messaging in Spanish, and I say, "Puede el señor Rummy usar nuestra clase para ver que enseñar, sorry, I mean, que enseña, nuestra escuela, por favor?"

I see her exhale, I think look to the side with her smile, maybe not trying to look up at Rummy, and she says, "Bueno, señorita Jazmine, no creo que eso es posible," and I hear him say, "Why not? Sounds like a damn good idea, can use this class to show how his investment's going, talk to the principal, and make my report real quick."

I see our teacher look over at Rummy, see her swallow, I know for sure blushing, I think hearing some guys groaning, and she says, "You understand the basics of Spanish?"

I hear him say, "Understand enough, been to Mexico, other places, enough times for business, had to learn some, and that sounds like a good idea, I'll be using this class, report what I see, and then, when I'm done, if I still got time, I'll be talking to that principal."

I see teacher nod with her mouth open, see her close her mouth, straighten up I think, and she says, "That's fine, but I'm still not sure of who you are even if you do happen to know two of my students, and you will have to get a visitor's pass from the front office, and then, if you'd like, you can stay to take care of your report."

I look over at Rummy, see him nod, possibly with a smile, thinking this is so cute, and he says, "I can tell you, show you if you want, what I'ma report after I'm done, and how Mr," and I hear our teacher say, "That's fine, I'd rather not see your report or know how anyone will respond to it, I just hope you find what you're looking for by viewing my lecture, and all I need to know is your name, just in case I need to call on you for any reason."

I see Rummy nod with that smile, his raised eyebrow, hearing girls say something dumb about who he is, something about money, dumb things, and he says, "So you really don't know who I am, who I work for, and what my report could mean for you, for this investment?"

I hear that exhale from our teacher and I hear her say, "No, I do not, but I'll have you know I am a new teacher here, even if I have been teaching for some years now, so it's not fair for you to only view my class for your report, and I ask that you consider viewing other classes when you have more time, viewing other lectures by teachers who have more experience teaching at this school and possibly being assessed through those reports."

I see that smirk on Rummy, seeing him walking back into our class, wearing his bandana, his grey coat, that white shirt, the dark blue tie, and the lighter blue suite, hearing the girls talking about him, seeing him looking down at our teacher, wondering for some weird reason how short we all are compared to the guys, and he says, "Nah, see, that's the best kind, you haven't been tainted, infected, by the bureaucracy, politics, of this damn school, and you don't even know who I work for, so you won't try to look good for no one, you'll just teach, and I can just sit back, chill, and watch you teach, and that's all my report's gotta show, and to get the formalities outta the way, my name is Gin Rummy."

I hear our teacher say, "I see, I'm sorry, did you just say I wasn't infected?"

I look over at her, see her looking at Rummy with that raised eyebrow, remembering something she said last week at that restaurant, I think that she was infected by those mean cousins, her sick mom, and that horrible evil man that would hit her, seeing her exhale, and I hear Rummy say, "Didn't studder, said you ain't infected like these teachers here, that's why you the best candidate, best I seen so far, and I seen a lot."

And I see her look down, see that small smile, seeing her do it again, like when I was eating those empanadas, seeing her giggle, looking up at Rummy, and she says, "Well then, señor Rummy, mi nombre es Fernanda Colón, y aquí, en español dos, hablamos español durante todo el período, y después de que regrese de la oficina principal con ese pase de visitante, si lo desea, puede sentarse donde quiera, pero yo tiendo a concentrarme en los estudiantes que se sientan en la parte de atrás de la clase."

I inhale, trying to keep up with everything she said, hearing that laugh, looking over at Rummy, hearing girls talking about how hot he sounds when he laughs, shaking my head at them still talking about him when he's that much older and it's Rummy, just Rummy with that yellow hair slicked back and that bandana holding it back, tall, blue eyes, that outfit, I mean I know he's fit, but it's just Rummy, hearing them talking, I think hearing the guys and girls in our class groaning, and I hear our teacher say, "Bueno señor Rummy, lo vere en algunos minutos."

I look over at him, see Rummy nod with his smirk looking at her, and he says, "Understood, don't sit in the back cuz you gonna make me answer questions I'm damn sure gonna get wrong, so I'll probably be sitting next to Jazzy and Lauren to take care of them from these kids that think they know shit 'bout women, and you just wait here Fernanda cuz I know you a good one and I ain't fucking it up."

And I feel my eyebrow rise seeing our teacher step up to Rummy, hearing something hit a desk, I think someone's head on a desk, hearing a guy I think groan, seeing our teacher look up at Rummy, and she says, "Señor Rummy, I myself do possibly, personally, have a liking to the way you speak but maybe, after you come back with that visitor's pass, at least, in my class, try to keep the cursing to a minimum."

I look up at Rummy, feeling those arms around me, smelling that vanilla lotion Lauren wears, feeling that chin on my shoulder, putting my head on that head, feeling my happiness getting a little bigger I think, seeing Rummy looking at our teacher with that big smirk, and he says, "Yes ma'am."

I hear her say, "So is it okay to call someone ma'am?"

I look up from my notes, see Ms. Reed nod with her smile looking at Lisa, and she says, "Of course, although it's a description that came from the sixteen hundreds, having to do with having a higher social status, a description that is still used today, but some, not all, could find that word offensive so it's best to try, if you can, to get to know a person before assigning them a pronoun, since it's possible someone would rather be called something else, as in she, he, or they, rather than ma'am, but many people, in particular two generations before yours, still find that word to be respectful."

I nod, looking down at my notes, remembering, again, that I didn't go to the restroom in my Spanish class because I was having too much fun with Lauren and Rummy, seeing him raising his hand to ask questions in Spanish, like real questions, not knowing he knew that much Spanish, wondering how many of those business meetings he had to do in Mexico or places where they speak Spanish, feeling like I need to go to the restroom, again, because after Spanish, when Rummy dropped me off at my fourth period, seeing him walking away with Lauren, talking to her as he was walking her to her class, hearing him say something that sounded like 'So 'bout Fernanda,' I felt my smile, walked into my class, and I saw that girl again. It's this girl that kind of looks at me funny, like she doesn't like me, a girl I know I've never met and is new at the school, seeing that smirk on Lena, walking up to her, sitting behind her, and then hearing Lena tell me the kids here are stupid, the whole school knows that one of Mr. Wuncler's business people that hangs out with Ed Wuncler was hanging out with Lauren and me during third, and she wanted to know all about it. So, I told her how cute it all was, Rummy being there to drop off my late birthday gift from Hiroko, even though I told Hiroko so many times to not worry about it, how Rummy stayed for the entire period, seeing those charcoal eyes looking over at that girl, and I heard Lena tell her to mind her own business and stop listening in on people's conversations. And then I kept telling Lena about third period, making sure to be quiet so other students wouldn't hear, seeing them trying to listen in, rolling my eyes, I think seeing them getting annoyed that I was whispering so only Lena could hear me while we were working with partners, going over our history homework together. And then I just forget all about going to the restroom because I was having fun with Lena and on the way to my fifth period I was too busy replying to our group text with my sister, Ming, and Lauren, all those happy emojis from them, feeling my smile, hugging Lena, seeing her walking away to her class, turning around, walking into class, passing them again, hearing them arguing again, squirming, knowing I haven't gone to the restroom and there's still a half hour left of class, I think, and they're still not back.

I exhale, not caring, and I raise my hand.

I hear her call me, feeling my smile, looking at her, and I say, "I'm sorry Ms. Reed but can I go, please, I know there's two people out right now but," and I see her nod with her small smile and she says, "Yes Jazmine, you can go and take your time, and if you see anyone out there please don't talk to them as I will be talking to them myself."

I feel my lips purse, hearing the exhales from the other students in the class, knowing that means those two are in trouble, nodding, and I get up. And I roll my eyes remembering what I have to do and I bend down to my backpack, grab my phone, and put it in my pocket.

I walk out using the back door, touching some shoulders on the way, feeling my small smile knowing this feels nice, good, all of it, having so many friends in all my classes, knowing all of my friends have friends or their boyfriends in some of their classes or they're making friends already, and starting tomorrow, for sure my sister and Lauren and Ming are going to have their boyfriends for fifth period, knowing they're all going to be in basketball or soccer or band after tryouts today. I just kind of wish sometimes I could have Huey for more classes.

Oh my Black Jesus. Huey. My friends.

I take out my phone, going to that group text for all of us that my sister and friends said they will also use if they want to go to the restroom during classes, just for the next few weeks, until the guys stop stressing out so much about creepy people at this school, so many creepy people in this school, outside of school, just jerks and creepy people, and I press send on that text message telling them what restroom I'm going to.

And I put my phone back in my pocket and I look up, getting to the restroom, feeling my eyebrow rise hearing those voices, maybe a few people, a few girls, I don't know, and I push that door, walk in, and I stop.

I look at both of them, those two, see those red eyes, I think, and I turn around, putting my hand on the door, and I hear her say, "You're probably gonna tell everyone to make me look like the bad one here but I'm not! It just happened!"

I inhale, hearing him tell her to shup up, and I push that door, walking out, and I hear him say my name.

I start walking down the hallway, knowing I'll just go to the other restroom, farther away, the one down two hallways, hearing footsteps behind me, hearing him tell me to stop, focusing on that corner, walking faster, seeing that darn corner that's too far away, hearing them, and I say, "I don't care, please go back to your arguing, I'm going to the other restroom."

I keep hearing him, getting to that corner, turning that corner, and I see that door at the end of the hallway with no classrooms down this hallway, just that girl's restroom, and I feel that hand grab my arm, stopping me twenty feet from that door.

I exhale and I say, "Seriously, we're barely friends, we're in class together, I'm trying to help people that care about you, I'm trying, so just don't bother me and let me go."

I hear her telling him to let me go and I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Jazzy just help me, please, just."

I feel my eyebrow rise, turning around, and I inhale, seeing those red eyes on him.

I see him look away, hearing her telling him they need to talk, I think, and he says, "Look, I don't even care, don't give a fuck right now, just don't go Jazzy, stay, just."

And I feel my eyes open seeing his eyes filling up with tears, feeling him let go of my arm, and I ask, "What's wrong Cairo?"

I see him exhale, I think seeing him shaking, looking away, hearing her say that this is none of my business, and I see him inhale, and he says, "Shut the fuck up Michelle! I don't wanna hear it no more! I don't wanna see you! Just leave the fuck alone!"

And I inhale seeing his eyes completely watery with tears, seeing him inhale, remembering he's been weird, quiet, just looking sometimes, but really quiet, I don't know, maybe since Friday, because even on Saturday at the shelter he was quiet, seeing him wiping that tear away, hearing her, and I inhale, looking over at her, seeing her looking at him, mad I think, not crying, thinking maybe when I saw them in the restroom right now it was him with those red eyes, not her, seeing her exhale looking at him, and she says, "Look, Cairo, this isn't her business okay, just let me talk to you and," and I hear him say, "Fuck you Michelle! Told your ass never wanna see you, and I meant that shit, so just leave me the fuck alone, please, just leave."

I hear him exhale, seeing her squint her eyes, maybe seeing them get a little watery, seeing her inhale, and she says, "Why Cairo? It was my choice and you didn't pick up and my parents told me I could get it done far away, where no one would know, so why are you mad when you got nothing to be mad," and I hear him say, "Cuz you didn't give my ass a fucken choice Michelle! That's why I'm this damn mad! That's."

I hear him exhale and he says, "That's why I never wanna see you 'gain, so stop following my ass, cuz I'm done with you and I swear Michelle, I fucken swear on my mom, I ain't taking you back."

I feel my eyebrow rise, thinking I've never heard him say that, swearing on his mom, seeing Michelle inhaling with her eyes filling up with tears, and she says, "Cairo, but it was my choice, mine, and my parents said they had friends that could let us use their plane to go to another place, another."

And I see her exhale and hear her say quieter, "Another country, and my parents have the money, and you were not gonna," and I hear him exhale and I hear him say, "Just shut the fuck up Michelle, man, just shut up 'bout your fucken money and your damn family cuz that's all you talk 'bout, why I had stopped talking to your ass, why I didn't call, didn't wanna hear from you, bothering my ass all the way there, 'bout having fucken planes, jets, to fucken fly outta the fucken country, but not 'nough money to come tell me to my face, not 'nough money to text it to my ass, cuz if you knew I didn't wanna see you, you coulda text me, something, but nah, that's not you, if it ain't your way, if I ain't picking up, then you ain't having it and you'll come up with weak ass excuses why you didn't tell me 'til now, fucken six motherfucking weeks after your ass did that shit, six fucken," and I see her eyes get big and she says, "Wait, how do you know it's been six weeks, how do you even know that?"

I exhale, hearing him exhale, shaking my head thinking she thinks he can't do simple math, and I hear Cairo say quieter, "I guess cuz I can count Michelle, did some math this weekend, started counting when you said you didn't get it, know your ass is like a fucken clock, end of the month for you, you said you checked the next week, called my ass once, texted saying you wanna talk once, once that whole fucken week, didn't call you back cuz I was tryin' to be with family and I was fucken busy, and then I didn't hear from your ass for two fucken weeks, then that week, that day at that park where I used to kick it, helping with some kids there that reminded me I can do math when I want to, you started texting and calling again, two weeks of you not saying shit to me, all after the fact too, all fucken cold like that, then another two weeks of you dodging shit, when I'd text you back and tell you if you gotta say something just text me, telling my ass you wanted to talk, fucken talk, and now, fucken six weeks after you did it, six weeks of you dodging left and right, calling my ass, texting my ass once, once that whole fucken week, not saying shit in that one text, like you didn't really wanna tell me, didn't really want me to know, let me have a fucken choice, before you did it, got on some fucken jet cuz your family got that kinda money, took care of that shit in some other country, far away from my ass, where I couldn't be there to say if I wanted you to do that, if maybe I wanted you to not do it, to keep it, cuz maybe, I don't know, I'd try, didn't wanna be with you no more, but I'd try, I'd get a job, do some shady shit or fuck, maybe go to college, I don't know, just to make some money, just to make sure they don't need anything, but you, you didn't give me a fucken choice, you didn't," and I hear it, looking over at him, seeing him inhaling, seeing his eyes get big, and I say, "Cairo?"

I see him exhale, see him blink, hearing her apologize I think, seeing him inhale, and he says, so quiet I almost didn't think I heard him say it when he says, "You didn't let me be a dad."

I inhale, feeling myself blink, exhaling, hearing stuff, I think Michelle saying something, and I see him close his eyes, see him inhale, I think standing up straight, seeing that that tear going down his face, and he says, "Fuck you cuz you killed it Michelle and I don't care how you put that shit, how long you were, some shit about weeks of them not being real so they don't matter, cuz I don't care what you say and I don't believe that shit, it was real to my ass even if I only found out after, and believe me when I say I know why you did it, and it ain't cuz you only sixteen, it's cuz it was mine and you didn't want that shit, didn't wanna have one that looked like me, probably talked like me, cuz no matter how much money you'll got, there just some things you can't change, like my kid looking like me or me wanting to be there, cuz I'd be there, even if I'm a fucked up dad I still be around, working at fucken McDonalds, don't care, I'd be there so they know their dad fucken loved," and I see him inhale, shaking for sure, seeing him breathing, seeing him in pain, putting my hand on his shoulder, and I see him look down, seeing those tears coming down his chin.

I inhale, moving in, putting my arms around him, and I hear him say into my shoulder, "Jazzy I know man, I know I'ma be a fucked dad, like mine, I know, but 'least, fuck man, just wanted a fucken chance, just," and I hug him harder, rubbing his back, hearing him crying, making me cry, not knowing what to do, just not wanting to hear anyone crying like that, seeing her looking away with her eyes red and full of tears, hearing her say she's sorry and her parents made her do it but she already confessed to the pastor so it's okay.

I exhale, hearing him saying something into my shoulder, I think hugging me, hearing him say he wants someone that won't lie, won't kill things, will give him a chance, and I exhale, not knowing what to say, looking down at the floor, hearing people I think, remembering when I was talking to her for some weird reason, how she asked about him, asked me to tell her if he was doing good, and I say quietly to not scare him, "It's okay Cairo, things will be okay, I promise, just remember, your mom, she um, she loves you, she even asked about you when I talked to her, asked me how you were doing and I told her I didn't know but you have been showing up every day to class and even participating, answering questions, and I think, I'm sure, even if I couldn't see her, when I told her that, she smiled, because she knows that means you're trying, again, I hope, and that's always a good thing, because as long as you keep trying things will always work out, everything will work out, I promise, okay?"

I inhale, feeling that squeeze around my waist, remembering where we are, hearing him say something about feeling good, I think, hearing more voices, and I look up, and I feel my eyes open seeing those teachers, two of them, at the corner of the hallway, looking at us, hearing Michelle telling them everything's fine and they should go back to their class, hearing them say they already called security, and I hear that voice asking us why we're not in class.

Oh my Black Jesus. No.

I inhale, feeling it, that warmth and lightness in my hands, safe, happy, good, and I hear it again.

I exhale, opening my eyes, seeing that moonlight, not being able to sleep for several reasons, hearing that damn sound, again, and I hear that voice say, "It's him, again."

I exhale, looking down at that forehead, that hair, feeling that leg over me, licking my lips, not caring about his fucken problems, and I say, "And?"

I feel the exhale in that body, feeling her moving, and I hold her and I say, "Jazmine, where are you going?"

I feel her exhale and I hear that voice say, "Just to get my phone, I promise," and I exhale, closing my eyes, hearing her talk about him, again, and I say, "Jazmine, stop it, just stop this, I don't want this and the fucken idiot's not worth it."

I feel that inhale, feel that hand on my back possibly start up again, feeling her moving that soft hand on my back, breathing, and I hear that voice say, "I didn't mean to make you jealous, I'm sorry Huey, I love you, goodnight."

I open my eyes, seeing that fucken moonlight that won't let me sleep with her, looking down at that face that's on my chest, and I move my hand up, grab that chin, and I make her look up at me.

I exhale, seeing those eyes focus on me, feeling myself focus, and I say, "Jazmine, just."

I inhale, trying to say it without saying exactly what I want to say, trying to avoid hurting her feelings, possibly, seeing that small smile, and she says, "I know Huey, and it's okay, I promise. I wouldn't be okay with some girl texting you this late at night, even if I trust you, it would make me super jealous, and this has been going on for a while, not just tonight, so I get why you're acting like this, I won't go anywhere, okay, now go to sleep."

I feel that peck and I grab that face, seeing those eyes blink, feeling that soft face in my hand, feeling myself breathing, feeling that soft face with my fingers, and I hear her say it again, that she loves me, and I exhale, and say the truth, "I am jealous."

I see that smile, feel that hand making those drawings on my back, and she says, "I know, and it makes sense, I mean you get to the front office and hear that Mr. Leon caught Michelle, Cairo, and me all arguing in front of a different restroom than the one I told everyone I was going to, and then he starts saying that we were."

I see her exhale, rolling those greens, smelling that breath, feeling that hair, those curls from that afro in my hand, and she says, "You know, fraternizing, when all I was doing was hugging him and."

I exhale, closing my eyes, trying to focus on that hand on my back, and I hear her say, "And Michelle was right there the whole time and I explained to you, my sister and friends, the people that matter, like the principal and Ms. Lola that I was just hugging him because he was feeling bad, and then."

I feel that body moving, feel that hand on my neck, opening my eyes, see that small smile looking down, sorrowful, and she says, "I just couldn't tell them, the people in the front office, not because of what it was, how serious it is, but because it's private, and that stays between them, Michelle and Cairo, so I don't care that Mr. Leon got mad, saying that I should be suspended because I didn't want to cooperate telling them why we were all there, and I don't care that he said that knowing what I know the school will think that something's happening between us, Michelle, Cairo, and me, like we're all keeping this big secret, the principal telling him that the gossiping at our school is not important and what's important is that we're all in class when we're supposed to be in class and that means that at least because I had just left to the restroom I wasn't in too much trouble but Cairo and Michelle were in trouble, and I just, I don't know, even if it's dumb, I just."

I see her exhale, moving that afro from that face, seeing those greens look up at me, and I exhale and I say, "You wanted to say something to save them from possibly being reprimanded for taking that damn long in that restroom, but that's not for you to do, and I understand what you really wanted to do was make things easier for them, at least by saying the reason they were there had to do with a serious discussion or maybe even something you were part of, that way you could somehow deflect some of the punishment from them to you, I know Jazmine, I know how you think."

I see that smile on those lips, making me possibly smirk some, feeling that hair in my hand, and she says, "And I know when you walked in to the front office the first thing you thought was Cairo and Michelle both did something dumb to me, I kicked their butts, probably at the same time, and now you were gonna have to drag Cairo outside to beat him up too."

I feel my smirk, feeling that hand on my side, possibly feeling better than I have most of this damn afternoon, after getting that message from Cindy that had come from Ms. Lola who had said Jazmine only wanted me to go because she didn't want anyone else to be late for those tryouts they all had, getting that message, walking out of some class or another, getting to that front office, and then hearing all I could hear from out there, feeling my hands curl with that student asking me pointless questions, telling her I needed her to be quiet, hearing her continue talking over those voices and those words I could hear coming from the conference room, finally hearing that damn sound ending the school day, hearing the principal say she would consider what they discussed today and would inform them all of her decision tomorrow, hearing that conference room open, looking up, and seeing her walk out with that smile. And then, I exhaled, standing up, and I felt her grab my hand, hearing that girl that kept talking over their voices walking away, and I heard that voice tell me that we needed to get to the gym to see our friends trying out for all of those school teams, and after, on the way home, before I dropped her off so I could go to work, she would tell me everything.

And then I heard that fucken idiot, looked up, saw him walking up to her, pulling that soft hand closer to me, keeping her safe from that fucken idiot now that I was there, and I heard him ask her if he could message her later.

I inhale, thinking about this problem, the part I couldn't give a rats ass about, their issue about that girl making a decision, that fucken idiot making that problem that was only his to deal with a problem that now that Jazmine head is contemplating, what she told me happened as I was driving her home to drop her off, readying myself to be irresponsible and not go to work, even if I knew my brother was not going to work today because he had those responsibilities to his team, assessing their new recruits, and I knew that fucken idiot was going to be there an hour after I was scheduled to go in, meaning I was going to be alone with him, and I was going to have to manage to not kill him for making that problem that was only his to fucken deal with hers, that Jazmine head that told me she wasn't going to reply to any messages other than the ones from her sister and friends until I got home from work, telling me to go to work and she would be there when I got back to give me a massage after having to deal with that fucken idiot I was going to work with today, asking me to promise to not talk to him while I was at work, to just work and focus on that and on that massage she would be giving me, that massage she would only be giving me.

I see that face looking up at me, that trust, that hope she has in me, after being together in this way for only a year, a short year, knowing me since she was girl, and still, I can see that hope and say the truth, "I told you everything went well at work, while we ate and did some of that busy work from our classes with your sister and my brother, then you gave me that massage I needed, felt better with that, much better when you said Sarah said it would be fine if you slept here tonight, even if I did watch you reply to his messages twice while we were doing that busy work, knowing you put your phone on silent while you gave me that massage, and then after, only after did you increase the volume on your phone again and replied to his messages, but."

I exhale, feeling that hand possibly massaging my side, and I say, "Right now he's still messaging you and you're saying you're willing to not check or reply to that message even if I know that Jazmine head wants to check that new message, wants to see if you can help, and that's why I love you, because you're nothing like me, and if it were me I would let him deal with that problem on his own, because it's his problem to deal with and I believe he's using it to pull you back into his shit of a life, and I think you're intelligent enough to see that, so reply, if you want."

I see that smile, the one I was possibly, maybe, waiting for, the one reserved for me, and she says, "Huey, I wasn't gonna reply to his message, not after I told him in the last message that I would talk to him tomorrow and I told him to talk to Dewey, who's his friend, if he really needs to talk to someone tonight, to not be alone in his head, and right now I was just gonna put my phone on silent again because I know my sister and my mom are safe with Riley sleeping over there tonight, that's all, I wasn't going to reply, because he has other friends he can talk to that I'm sure care about him, not just me, and I'm sleeping over at my boyfriend's house right now and taking care of him, my boyfriend who I love, by boyfriend who's jealous right now and I want to make sure he knows he has no reason to be jealous, okay, so are you okay with that, me putting my phone on silent, and then getting back in bed with you?"

I exhale, feeling my damn smile, feeling that lower back, feeling like an idiot for not seeing it, seeing her exhale with that smile, and I say, "Baby you know I don't give you enough credit right?"

I see those bright greens roll, that blush cover that entire face, seeing her look away, possibly embarrassed and cute, and she says, "I know baby, I know, but you're getting better every day, promise."

I inhale, bringing her in some, seeing those greens look up at me, knowing I am getting better at trusting her with my past, who I am, the callous idiot I can be, and her, trusting her with taking care of herself, knowing she is taking care of herself, not just with that fucken idiot, an idiot for many reasons, knowing I want to take care of her in every way she'll let me, swallowing, knowing we haven't had that conversation, the one that's lingered today in the back of my mind, wanting to not just be responsible hormonal teenagers but ones that acknowledge reality, feeling those soft hands on my stomach, and she says, "What's wrong baby?"

I exhale, going down, kissing that forehead, the one I like, possibly, closing my eyes, not being a coward, and I say, "We haven't talked about that, how nothing is perfectly effective, what we're using being only ninety-nine point eight percent effective, and the possibility of you getting pregnant."

I hear her swallow, moving down some, feeling that forehead with my own, knowing what I would choose, logically, being at the age we are, the financial responsibility we could not carry right now, the emotional stress that would lead to for her and for myself, possibly, and I hear her say she's been thinking about it too.

I exhale, knowing her well enough, feeling that lower back shaking some, not cold, warm still, like her, knowing that means she's not feeling fear, just nervousness, possibly anxiety, and I say, "I don't want you to," and hear her say, "do it."

I open my eyes, moving back to see that face, see her looking at me with that look, focused, that look of her having made a decision or possibly about to take action, and she says, "I'm sorry Huey, what were you gonna say?"

I shake my head and say, "No, what were you going to say? It's more important."

I see that small smile and she says, "Just that, I don't want to do it, you know, decide that, and if I had to, I just think I'd wouldn't be okay doing it, I just don't think I could do it, I don't know, it's just that if it's there, you know, a baby, then maybe it should be there, I mean I'm not saying that it's never okay, I mean when girls get assaulted or other things, like, you know, things I've read about little girls going through, being assaulted by, you know, sometimes, by their own."

I see her inhale, see her exhale, seeing those greens blink, and she says, "Dad, then."

I inhale, feeling the skin on that back, knowing that's not happening, not even over my dead body, seeing her exhale, and she says, "I know Huey, never happening, but it does happen, where people, horrible people in their family do that to them or other people that are not in their family do that to them, sick, evil people that follow them in their school, after school when no one's there to help them, and some of those girls even end up pregnant, remembering that I read that, how it even happens a lot in families where little girls don't have anyone protecting them or those families just think it's normal because it happened where they came from before they came to this country, or in our community, where their families won't tell the police because they don't trust the police, barely trust people like my mom that would help them, even if they don't pay her everything they owe her, she'll still try to help them, but we barely trust, and the system is just so."

I see her exhale, possibly feeling myself nod, and she says, "I'm sorry, I went off on a tangent again, but I was just trying to say that there are reasons why people do it, you know, have an, an abor."

I exhale, seeing her not saying it, that word, knowing we need to have this conversation, and I say, "Abortion."

I see her nod and she says, "So yes, if I had to, I would have an."

I see her inhale and I say, "An abor," and she says, "No Huey, let me say it, please, I need to, maybe I can't say other things, but this, I need to say, okay?"

I exhale, nod, see her inhale, and she says, "If I had to have an abortion because what happened to me was horrible, maybe where I didn't want to bring a little kid, a baby, into that, then yes, maybe, I don't know, but I would think about it, but if it's not a bad thing, like if it's, you know, a baby with someone I love, even if we were this age, then."

I see her exhale, licking my lips, wondering why we're having this conversation, trying to focus, and she says, "I wouldn't want to do it, any of it, like first, I wouldn't want to get pregnant and have to decide, and then, I think, I wouldn't be okay doing it, I wouldn't, because it would be a baby between us, you know, that we created like my mom says, and I wouldn't want to do it, wouldn't want to have an abortion, I would not be okay doing it, I couldn't do it, do that to a baby that maybe was made with a lot of love, because if it's made with love then it should be here, in this world, so yes, that's my answer, if I got pregnant because we're having sex, then I wouldn't want to have an abortion, not now, I don't think ever."

I exhale, seeing that look on her, and she says, "What were you gonna say, you know, if I got pregnant, would you want me to have an abortion?"

I inhale, possibly shaking my head, and I say, "My answer, as nonconsequential as it would be seeing as it would ultimately be your choice, is that I do not want you to go through that, not right now or ever, not because I don't think you couldn't handle it physically, but because knowing you like I do, it would lead to you having some sort of overwhelming guilt if you decided to terminate it or if you went through with the pregnancy then you would feel another sense of guilt towards those around you, the burden you would feel you are to them, whether it's financial or emotional, you would feel like you owe them for helping you through it when it was your choice to go through the pregnancy, regardless of how happy you would think you are having a child, because you."

I exhale, seeing that forehead, those eyes, those freckles, feeling myself breathing, and I say, "Based on what I've seen so far with those kids, those children you take care of, what I've always known about you, what I've seen is that you would probably unconditionally love any child, regardless of who the father is, the fool that got you pregnant too young, the idiot that didn't take you on time to those appointments for you to get that shot or any other birth control you want, was an idiot hormonal teenager one night, finished inside of you, even if he thought he pulled out on time, what idiot teenagers think is a form of birth control, got you pregnant, knowing what he was doing, and."

I exhale, knowing I am an idiot, that's why I have that day in October, the day I'm taking her to that appointment, written on every calendar I own, because I could do that, do that to her, stop her life right now even if she thinks she could still complete high school, go to college, it would all stop, because her focus would be on raising that child, like our mother did for us when she didn't finish her education, she would be like her, helping my father on the way so he could finish his education, knowing, hoping I'm like my father in some way, seeing that smile, feeling my smile, and I say, "And that idiot would do what's necessary to be a father, even if he is an idiot for starting too soon, with a grandfather that will try to beat him for getting you pregnant even if he can't anymore, because that idiot would deserve it, thinking he could do that, not considering what would happen to both your lives, having you struggle like that, like my parents did, even if they were a few years older, not having finished college, not having started their careers, both as teachers, struggling to pay the bills and tuition for private education because they felt strongly about our education, happy with the struggle, like I would be, but even if I am an idiot I still would not want to start now, not yet, even if it turns out to be a full life like that Jazmine head thinks my parents had and I think was a combination of struggle and some form of happiness that made the world outside of their home seem pitiful, but I don't think we're ready for that, any of it, not yet, even if the logical answer to getting pregnant right now would be for us to abort that pregnancy because it would be us, not you, even if it is ultimately your choice, you would not arrive at that choice alone, you would not be alone, it would be us going over the pros and cons, possibly deciding, together, that the logical answer is not the right answer for us, because you'd be deciding with that Jazmine head of yours that still sees good in too much and I would be deciding with the insignificant, if any, amount of logic I have today that continues to dissipate as I love you more."

And I see that smile, see her closing those eyes, and see her laughing like that, feeling myself possibly smiling and laughing with her for too many reasons, seeing her moving that afro, closing my eyes, feeling this, feeling that soft face on my chest, wanting to crawl though her window tomorrow night if she lets me so we can continue that cuddling she likes to do, and I hear that voice on my chest say, "So from headaches in homeroom to Rummy showing up just to drop off those shoes Horoki got me for my birthday to Laurie telling us Rummy asked her if he could ask her sister, our Spanish teacher who keeps protecting Laurie from jerks, out on a date, to."

I hear that exhale, feeling that hair under my chin, feeling it, and I hear that voice say, "To that whole thing that happened by the restroom with Michelle and Cairo to."

I exhale, feeling that back, covering it with my arm, holding what's mine, and I hear that voice say, "To now knowing that maybe your Huey-Spawn-bestie logic and my Jazmine head would not want us to go through that, have to decide to on that, you know, having or not having an abortion, but we don't want to have to decide that, even if we kind of, maybe, think we would both want to have a baby if it's made with lots of love, but still, we don't want to decide that so that's why you said you have that day, the day of my appointment in October, marked in your calendar, and I have it on all my calendar's too because it's not just your responsibility, it's my responsibility too, our sex life is my responsibility too, and, even though you didn't say it, I think one of the reasons you want us to be careful, to not have to decide, make a choice, not get pregnant, is because you want to be like your mom and dad, even if they had you before they finished college not before they finished high school, but you want to be like them, even if they struggled a little, because you remember how happy they were, and you want that happiness, I know you do, and you'll have it Huey, I promise, just keep being the good person, the good Huey I know you are, making people and little kids at the shelter feel good, letting me help people, trusting me that I'll stop myself before I fall for dumb easy tricks, and right now letting me put my phone on silent so I can keep taking care of my boyfriend tonight."

I exhale, possibly longer, hearing that sound, her breathing under me, feeling it, that afro in those curls under my chin, covering that slim back, holding what will selfishly always be mine, knowing I have no logic now, feeling good, and say the truth, "Hurry baby cuz I want you to come make me feel good some more."

I hear that giggle, feeling my smirk, and I hear that voice say, "Okay baby."

And I exhale, watching her sit up, seeing her move those legs over the edge of the bed, stand up in front of that small drawer, seeing that back, those hips, licking my lips, hearing her put that small phone back down, seeing that face turn back to me, and I see her crawling back to me, knowing I'll be making her feel good in seven seconds, after I remove that small night clothes made out of cotton off that body, not caring what day of the week it is or what we'll deal with tomorrow because I've lost all logic.

Hi everyone,

I know I should've added this at the top but any characters in this story I am only borrowing, okay, just borrowing, from shows (i.e. Dear White People) and those characters (Troy) I'm only using in name. Yes, they could be similar to those characters but that doesn't mean I'm using those particular characters, I just happened to like that show a lot.

Okay, I hope you're all liking this story, I know I sheepishly am.

Alright, you'll know, reviews make me feel good 😊.

-Bulma's Ego.