It took the entire ride home for me to get my emotions reigned back under control. I was embarrassed by how deeply Ryan's feelings of abandonment and loss affected me, and how they unleashed everything I'd been bottling up for months. Billy's fingers stroking gently on whatever part of my bare skin he could reach during the drive, knowing somehow that I'd rather be home instead of stopping, kept me from falling entirely to pieces.

By the time we drove up our driveway, the fireflies that Terror found irresistible were starting to flicker in the dim light and I smiled knowing he'd be waiting inside. Billy's aunt had willingly given custody back to Billy, having begun a cohabitation situation with a 'business associate' that Terror didn't particularly find loveable.

My mom had dropped off an elephant to join his gorilla, and I hoped she never knew what kind of zoo based orgy Terror subjected the stuffed animal to, but our little drooler was happy with his gangbang so that's all that really mattered.

"You feeling better, Ronnie?" He'd pulled up to the garage, but hadn't turned off the ignition or the lights. "Tell me you're alright."

I was staring out the windshield thinking about all the horrible shit that Homelander had done and the consequences of that shit that was still going strong, like a fucked up set of dominos tipping over and never ending. "When he raped her," my voice was quiet, and Billy was forced to turn off the engine to hear me. "When he spent hours in that office with her, violating her and forcing himself and his seed into her, she left feeling like she'd done something to deserve it." I'd never spoken to Becca Butcher, but I didn't HAVE to, this was something that victims of sexual violence felt. "If she hadn't worn that, if she hadn't gone into the office with him alone, if, if, if-" I was glad he'd turned off the headlights, since I didn't need to focus my eyes on the garage, I was too busy focusing on things that no one wanted to see. "Then she came home to you and your warmth and love. Your big strong hands and body, and she felt like she failed you. That she'd failed you because he took what was yours." Again, I hadn't spoken to Becca or read anything she'd written about what she'd gone through, but I didn't need to. "Finding out she had part of HIM inside of her growing, knowing that you didn't want to have kids of your own, and knowing that she hadn't told you what he did, what she felt like she asked for, maybe, I think she did what she thought she could live with, even if it sucked." Leaving Billy behind, with Terror, to trust the very company that put her in the path of her violator was beyond me, but for Becca it was a godsend. "Raising Ryan in that sterilized, safe, bland world with Vought's help, it meant that HE wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps, Billy. She wanted so desperately for him to be different that she took all those precautions. She didn't even let him play video games that had a hint of violence, or watch movies that went beyond the inspirational." I hoped he was getting what I meant, what I'd seen.

"I know this, Ronnie, we've been through it-" I sighed, and sat back, sniffling because my nose was still stuffed up from my crying fit.

"All it did, Billy, was put Ryan right in Vought's hands." I turned, facing his profile and watched as he stared at the darkness falling around us. "He's chipped, by them and us, he's monitored by both and he's miserable." Ryan's eyes flashed in front of me, the pinch of them, the tightness. "He's not being mistreated, not physically, but he's also not being raised in any way the way Becca wanted. He's not being protected, not really." Ryan's arms, wrapping around me in a clutch when I was preparing to go, the way he pleaded with me to come back. "He asked about you."

I left it hanging. I couldn't push Billy to make a choice that I was somehow certain he didn't want to make. He didn't take it up, instead he unfastened my seatbelt and tugged me to him. "I love you, Veronica Taylor." He breathed my scent in, his nose pressed into my hair, as though he wanted to be sure I was me. "Seeing you go into that house, not knowing what was going on inside was the hardest thing I've done lately, and then you came out and fell apart-"

"Ryan's breaking, Billy." I needed him to understand that my trigger was problematic in a deeper way. "He's breaking."

Ryan was seated beside me on the sofa, but I'd turned so we could be face to face. He had some trouble maintaining eye contact when he first sat down, but I pulled out my tablet and opened it up, telling him I'd watched his movies.

"You watched them?" I smiled and nodded, telling him that Billy and I had watched 'Terms of Endearment' together. "He watched it too?"

"Yes, Billy watched it." I tapped the screen and showed him that I downloaded the videos. "Are you still working on your stop-motion movies?"

"No," he started to close down again. "I don't really have the time."

"School taking up more time now that you're in a regular school?" I'd looked into his records, according to what Billy had been promised. He shook his head and I asked the question in a new way. "Are you making new friends?"

"I have tutors, they come here." I wasn't too surprised, again, this way we could control the access to Ryan. It wasn't precisely helpful for keeping Ryan's world even keeled, however. "I don't think there are other kids in this neighborhood."

I made a mental note to look into the area. I wanted to know what the hell our people were doing with this kid. A kid that had the genetic code of a supe who I knew from personal experience had a god complex and a will to use it. "What do you do with your time, Ryan?"

A shrug, no eye contact, and I grew more worried. "Will Billy come to visit next time?" This time he raised his face to meet my gaze. "I know he's sad about Mom, I am too."

"Oh, Ryan," I wanted to comfort him, but I was a stranger to him. "Billy's a complicated man." Understatement of the decade, Ronnie. "I know that he wants to make sure you're safe and cared for," my eyes snapped shut in irritation with my own idiocy. "He- He's been really busy."

"He works for the Office of Supe Affairs, I saw him on television." Ryan's eyes were locked on mine when I opened mine. "Wait, are you the-" I saw him running Billy's press conference back through his memory bank and the dawning understanding flashing through him. "You're the head of the Office, aren't you?" I smiled and nodded. "You were really sick, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was." I swallowed hard, thinking I was going to be having this conversation more often than not, so why not have it with a child first. "You watch the news a lot?" I was thinking of the videos Vought forced Homelander to watch on repeat, hoping that Ryan's guardians weren't utilizing a similar tactic.

"I watch whatever happens to be on when I'm in the room." I nodded, waiting for him to go on, thinking that perhaps he'd talk more if I just let him pick the topic. "Billy looked different when he was on, so I asked them to leave it on so I could listen." He was becoming more animated as he spoke about Billy and I realized that in him, he saw a hero-shit. "He was talking about you, and he looked so strong and-" He smiled at me, the first real smile Ryan had since I'd walked in the house. "He likes you, doesn't he?"

"A little bit," I agreed, and he nodded at me like we were sharing a secret.

"Did you find out who hurt you?" I shook my head, a lie, but we hadn't actually exposed the culprit so it was easier. "Billy will find them. And he'll make sure they pay."

The rest of the visit, I told Billy once he got me in the house and talked into a hot bath before dinner, had reverted to more or less the same low energy sadness. He wasn't happy and he wasn't being protected, not in the way I think Becca intended.

We were in the clawfoot tub, my back against his chest, the warm water and bubbles covering us while Terror went to Horny Town with his gorilla and elephant. I was exhausted, completely and totally, down to my marrow. All the tension was leaving me, the warmth from the bath coupled with Billy's naked skin was a potent medicine, and my eyes were having difficulty staying open.

"Don't you dare drift off, Ronnie," his voice rumbled through the water, the tub, and me. "You haven't eaten in hours, and you aren't going to bed without dinner."

"I'm tired, Billy," I argued, a yawn cutting through the middle. "Completely done in, honestly."

"Don't make me baby bird you," he threatened, his fingers sliding up my arms, and along my collar bone. "Come on, love, wake up for me."

I woke up to sunlight and birdsong. My leg was thrown over Billy's hips, my head cushioned on his chest, and I knew that he'd lost the battle against my exhaustion. The sheet had slipped during the night, bunched low down my back, leaving his entire upper body bare to the sun and my gaze.

Billy Butcher in the early morning sun was comparable to what I imagined Greek gods looked like basking in the sun for their worshipers to kneel before and feel graced by seeing in the proverbial flesh. His harsh angles were softened in sleep, the darkness of his hair was silky and shining in the glow of the light, and there was a hint of a halo around him. And he was mine.

"I can feel you staring." I smiled, kissing his chest where I was pressed. "You ever dry someone who passed out cold in the bath?" I chuckled and kissed my way up higher. "Dead weight, Ronnie, ain't easy to get out of that huge bath we got."

I was just under his chin, kissing gently as he kept bitching about me, my dead ass weight, and putting me to bed without my dinner. "Are you finished bemoaning your night?" He groaned and I smiled as my nose nudged his chin. "Well if you want to be like that, I guess I'll just get up and make us breakfast," I started to roll away, but his arms clutched me to him and then I was on my back giggling. "Hey you."

"Hey yourself," and then our lips met and all was right in our world, at least for a few hours.

I'd visited Ryan on Sunday, thinking that way he wouldn't miss his classes, or tutors as the reality seemed to be. Once Billy and I were up and ready for our day, we made it into the office a little later than usual, but since we were still in the afterglow of Herogasm, I wasn't worried that we'd have all that many fires to put out.

Terror was being taken care of by my Mom. She was taking the job of a pet grandparent seriously, showing us that she had a bed at the house for him, another elephant, and she'd gone out and gotten him a zebra too. Billy's eyes met mine and I had to bite my lip so hard that I prayed I wouldn't taste blood. Jesus, I really hoped that she wouldn't lose her fucking mind and cool when Terror started humping the stuffies like the randy little turd he was.

We got to the office and I was happy to see that we didn't have a line of freaked out escorts, journalists, or anyone else who might have gotten wind of what supes get into when they're off being freaks for real. One less thing to nearly worry about, Billy got to work on looking for other possible back up sites like Sage Grove, I got to work on researching the neighborhood Ryan had been placed in, along with the backgrounds of his tutors, and the identities of his guardians.

I started with the area he was living in. It was so damn bland that I wondered if it had been a military post. Usually family housing on bases were bland and nondescript, and if anything described that place, it would be those two words. I was up to my eyeballs in planning documents, when Billy's phone rang.

"Butcher," I half listened, since it was his cell it could be anything, and I knew he'd tell me if it was important.

From what I could tell, the community was a low income project that lost funding, was bought out by a private firm which lost interest, was picked up again by the US government and completed, but wasn't really marketed for sale. Another search told me that the rest of the houses weren't occupied, at least not by regular neighbors. Maybe more agents? Shit.

Billy was standing up from the desk, putting on his coat. "What did I miss?" I asked as he grinned down at me. "Where are we going?" I started to stand, but he shook his head.

"You're staying here," I raised an eyebrow, but his grin stayed firm. "I have an errand, and I'll grab us lunch while I'm out." I started to speak, but he cut me off with a kiss. "I won't be long."

Arguing with Billy when he was being secretive would get me nowhere, so I let it go. He'd be back and bring lunch, that was that. And while he was gone, I stood up and followed him out, but while he went toward the front door, I went toward Joseph's cubicle area. I had a few questions that my favorite paper pusher might have some ideas about finding the answers.