23. dive
The winggulls of Ever Grande were happy today. May noted their wide arcs as she leaned her head heavily on the rail of her balcony. Reaching out an arm, she felt the warm air between her fingers and let them dance slowly over the edges of the breeze. A sleek feather from one of the birds above floated downward just beyond her grasp. She watched it flutter and sway until it disappeared to the revelry below.
If May looked out over the bright waters, she could forget the wintery night one month prior. Steven's embrace on the snowy beach of Slateport had been a dream, far too distant from her island tower here. She stretched her hand out to see the glint of the sun along her fingers and imagined the glow of Steven's pale hair in the lantern light. So many pieces of her memories of him could be relegated to elusive fantasies. This was just the last.
The promised three weeks had passed since that night, and if May thought hard enough, she could picture the ship in Slateport's harbor. On the deck probably stood two handsome men - one with dark hair and a handsome grin, the other silver-haired and austere. She wondered if they were looking out at the city to look for her and knew they wouldn't find her. She closed her eyes and let out a breath.
Her phone was full of missed calls and ignored messages from both men. She hadn't had the heart to tell them her decision to stay in Hoenn, but they must have understood at this point. A few days ago, the phone calls had stopped coming, and though there were voicemails, May knew she wouldn't listen to them for a while, if ever. Her happy days in Slateport had come to an end, and the romantic dreams of life in Lumiose would remain dreams. Her life was here in Ever Grande, and no amount of brave hope would change the fact that her trust could not be placed in Steven Stone.
Behind her, there was the soft sound of a girlish voice and a knock at the door. May did not get up but waved a lazy arm as she heard Phoebe enter her room. There was a pause and then the quick slap of bare feet running to the balcony.
"What the hell are you still doing here?" blurted Phoebe. May barely looked back over her shoulder.
"What do you mean?"
"Shouldn't you be on a boat right now to Kalos?" Phoebe's voice continued to rise with alarm. May stiffened.
"I'm not going." She stared up at the winggulls above. "I can't."
"Why the hell not?"
May grimaced, cheek pressed against her arms and the railing. Her arm pulled back from the empty expanse. "My place is here. There's no place for me in Lumiose with the two of them."
"Obviously there is. What is going on with you? Are you afraid to go?"
"I'm not afraid," said May defensively. "I'm just not naive enough to think that there will be room for me in his life as Steven promised. Once I get there, he'll go back to being exactly the same way he's always been, and suddenly, I won't even have you or Wallace. I'll be all alone in some foreign country, and I'll have no one to blame but myself." Her lip trembled as she straightened upward and felt the wind on her face. She had no tears to shed. "Here, I have a sense of purpose. Even if it's not perfect, I have all of you in the League. I have my title. That's worth an awful lot." She hoped the smile she cast back was convincing.
But she knew Phoebe didn't buy it. The older woman glowered, and May wondered for a moment if her eyes flashed by some trick of the light.
"When did you become such a pushover? Screw Steven, screw the League, and screw the title. We can all see you're miserable here," said Phoebe. "Every time you leave, you stay away longer than the last time. Why are you forcing yourself to stay when it's obvious to everyone that you want to leave?"
"Every Trainer wants the title of Champion, and I have it. I can't just quit because I'm a little restless."
"But we all know you're the best. Even if you were to quit and someone new were to take over, it wouldn't change anything. And can you really see yourself staying here for the rest of your life just to claim the title of 'the strongest?' Would you be happy that way?"
In the darkest of nights, May had whispered those same questions to herself but had never faced them in the day. Though Phoebe fought in the shadows, she pierced through May more clearly than any ray of sun.
"Forget Steven and Sycamore and everyone else. Kalos is a big place. Even if you go and decide that neither of them are worth your time, the country alone would be enough for you. It's a new place with different people and places and pokemon. Isn't that what you really want?"
The hope May had refused to put to words spilled from Phoebe's lips as if they were her own. The fantasies she had only entertained at night of far-off mountains and waters sprung forth, and an ache rippled through her longingly. This tower that had been her home for all these years felt like it could crush her at any moment. The air felt stale. The heat at her neck could strangle her.
"I... But it's too late now. They'll be gone by the time I get there."
"So what? Then get on the next boat. Go to Johto or Kanto. Go to Littleroot for all I care. Just get out of here before you shrivel into nothing!"
"I don't have anything ready," was the last excuse May could muster.
Phoebe let out a furious roar and grabbed May's backpack before throwing it at her with strength that seemed impossible from such a tiny body. May yelped as the bag slammed into her with the weight of all of her gear.
"Forget your stupid things!" shouted Phoebe. "Just fucking go already!"
May sipped in a breath, and then as if lightning had struck her heart, she turned back to the railing of the balcony. In a swift movement, she threw the bag over her shoulder, released Tsuki the altaria, and hurled herself over with a shout.
"Tsuki, to Slateport!"
For a few brief seconds, May freefell through the sky that covered Ever Grande. As she cast her eyes around the island she had called home for the past five years, she felt the weight of obligation lift from her heart. The eternal summer of the Championship had to end, but May was grateful for the sun on her face and the love the the people of Hoenn had shown her during her time here. Even as she cast her eyes on the horizon, she knew it hadn't all been for nothing. She had the title of "the strongest," but now she could relinquish it to the next successor with confidence that her friends would see to the next generation of Trainers to the best of their abilities.
There was so much more out there - rivers and blue skies and endless fields. May choked out a great cry of relief and despair and gratitude that was swallowed up by the screaming sky, and as the world spun around her, May knew she could finally break free of the self-made chains that had bound her here.
The great bird let out a triumphant screech as May landed on her broad back, and with a great pump of her wings, they shot west like a bullet. Phoebe's cheering laughter echoed on the wind behind them.
…
…
The sky was clear and cool in Slateport. An icy breeze rippled through Steven's hair, sending a terrible chill down his spine as he looked out over the water to the east. Nothing but water and winggulls stretched out towards the horizon. He refused the sigh that threatened to overtake him.
He knew, of course, that no matter how long he stared off towards Ever Grande, the woman in red would not appear. In the weeks since the New Year, she'd made it abundantly clear that her mind had been made, and any plans for her future did not involve him. He wanted more than anything to hear her voice again, to pull some sort of explanation from her, but he knew it all already. He knew better than anyone else why she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He'd brought it all upon himself of course.
But he'd still hoped. He'd thought that maybe she'd just needed time, that maybe she would at least agree to come see him in Kalos when she was ready. He hadn't expected her to come joyfully or carelessly, but he'd hoped that she would want at least some part of him in her life. Steven smiled bitterly to himself knowing that she had probably thought exactly the same thing when he'd abandoned her four years ago without a single explanation. She had probably looked out into the sea and wondered why she had never been enough to make him happy.
Steam billowed over the top of the ship as the engines prepared for departure. His watch told him they could leave at any moment, and he knew the hope he'd held onto needed to be let go.
"She could still show up." Steven sighed as he heard Sycamore step up behind him. The professor gave a kind smile. "We still have a little time."
Steven's mouth creased grimly and could not muster a response. The two men stared out into the water silently, listening to the winggulls and the babbling crowds of Slateport below. The waters were active, sloshing around the edges of the ship. It might be a choppy journey, perhaps enough to distract him from his thoughts.
"I liked it quite a bit - Hoenn, I mean," said Sycamore. "I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was a good trip. I like how modest the people are here. Even your fellow League members were quite humble and industrious. It was a pleasant change from the posturing of Lumiose."
"Do you want to come back?" asked Steven.
"Perhaps someday. Perhaps I'll meet a woman who will convince me to plant my roots here," he said jovially. "That friend of yours Phoebe was quite a lovely spirit."
"Perhaps she'd be willing to come visit," said Steven, smiling a bit. He genuinely enjoyed the thought.
"A beautiful idea." Sycamore's eyes crinkled with understanding. "Perhaps she will bring May with her."
"I doubt it," said Steven, his smile fading. "Not as long as I'm there."
"She might come around."
"I wouldn't hold out hope."
"Looks like there's no need to."
Steven frowned and looked at Sycamore, whose eyes had lit up with delight, face turned upward to the sky. Steven spun and followed his gaze to see a large silhouette blot out the sun. Billowing wings swept the deck with icy air. Steven and Sycamore braced themselves as they were struck with the wind. Despite his desperate wish to see - to convince himself - Steven had to squeeze his eyes shut to block out the dust and air. As the air settled, there was the soothing wave of shadow from behind his eyes as the large bird landed before him and then the sound of panting breath. Finally, he could squint through the bright sun, and that feeling of hope took hold of his heart once more. The one person he'd wanted to see stood before him with reddened cheeks and windswept hair, looking as bewildered as anyone else.
Her legs were unsteady as they hit the deck, sore and tired from holding on the bird through the long flight. Steven rushed forward to catch her as she stumbled and rubbed at her face with delirium. Even she, it seemed, could not believe she was there.
"I'm sorry," May gasped. Deep goggle lines were pressed into face, her hair a tangled mass. The only thing she carried was a single traveling bag. "I didn't bring any clothes or equipment or anything with me. I can have them shipped later, but I didn't want to miss you or the ship or -"
Steven didn't need to hear anything else. Before he could stop himself, he'd pulled May into his arms where she gave out a yelp of surprise. Her body was icy cold without even a sweater to cover her. He thought of dark skies and stinging rain, but she felt like electricity in his arms.
"I'll buy you anything you want or need in Kalos. None of that matters. I'm just so happy you're here," he murmured against her hair.
When he pulled back, her breath was hot against his chest. Bright eyed and delirious, she was like a manifestation of his wildest dreams. Hands gripping her arms and shoulders tightly, Steven wondered if he was imagining it all. Her muscles were firm and cold against his palms, her face chapped from the cold winter air. All he wanted to do was kiss her until she was breathless again.
"Wait!" she gasped, just as he nearly gave into his impulse. His stomach lurched as her eyes set to steel. The fiery determination he'd always loved overtook her surprise. "Just because I'm coming with you doesn't mean that I've forgiven you yet. This- This doesn't mean we're together or I'm ready for a relationship or anything like that. I'm going to Kalos for me, not for you."
Whatever disappointment he might've felt was soothed. His face stretched happily without a second thought as he stripped off his wool coat and hung it over her shivering shoulders. The winter breeze had never felt so good against the back of his neck.
"That's more than enough for me. For now, let's get you some warmer clothes and a meal."
He swept her away for the lower quarters, leaving a bewildered professor and disgruntled altaria on deck. Sycamore sighed.
"Forgotten so easily," he mourned. He glanced at Tsuki with a crooked smile. "We should also treat you to something delicious, shouldn't we? You've had a long journey." The altaria cooed with approval.
The ship pulled out of Slateport as the sun began to arc high over the city, glinting over the waves like shattered pieces of glass. As May stepped out onto the deck in a thick sweater and baggy trousers that were much too large for her slender frame, her nose was filled with the salty ocean air and a scent she had been chasing for many years. Her chapped cheeks stung against the cold air, but her eyes were kept wide and cast towards the horizon. As they moved onward west, she thought of those long-gone days in the wild when she and her pokemon had chased after the setting sun, thirsting after every second of daylight.
Though she was eager to see the lights of Kalos on the distant horizon, she knew that these coming days were something to be savored. With Sycamore's map of his home country in her pocket and her pokemon at her side, many journeys were to be planned. She owed it to her dearest friends to let them decide where to go first. No matter what they chose, she knew it would be a great adventure.