Author's Note: So life has been pretty hectic lately and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. I will post updates as often as I can, so please be patient with me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

"I was born a fighter;

gatekeeper of an endless war

where justice and revenge are dishes

best served warm

where the lines between right and

wrong don't exist anymore-

I am judge, jury and executioner.

I am the weapon that hands out the

sentence

I am the last thing you'll ever see-

but I didn't want to be a fighter.

I just wanted to be free."

-M.M

Kylo Ren

Waiting was never my strength. Too impatient, too much in a hurry for the future to be mindful of the present.

Always looking to the horizon.

There is nothing here to take my mind off what awaits me beyond the sealed vault and memories like living ghosts haunt me as I wander.

I cannot shake them.

"Ben why are you still awake? I thought I told you to go to bed hours ago."

I glance up at mom before lowering my head again. I fiddle with the edge of my shirt.

"I can't sleep."

Should tell her my nightmares? About the voice that won't let me sleep, how it constantly whispers to me of...things.

Strange things. Scary things.

She looked tired too. She's been crying, her eyes are puffy. I wonder if they were fighting again.

"Ben? Is there something you want to tell me?"

I swallow and shake my head. I don't want to worry her.

"No...just can't sleep."

"I see. Come here."

She's sitting across from me on the balcony and I get up and she gather's me in her arms.

Soft laughter as she strokes my hair.

"You're getting almost too big for me to hold you."

My legs dangle over her lap and I shake my head as I wrap my arms around her. I promise myself I will never be too big to hug my mom.

She singing now. It's the Alderaan lullaby from when I was little.

I fall asleep to my mother's song. No monsters can find my when I am with mother.

I am safe.

Her song echoes in my head when I stumble over a piece of debris, lost in the memories of my fractured childhood.

It's been fifteen years since I last heard my mother sing.

"Damn it!"

I shove debris out of my way and look around. My wandering has taken me up on the dais where a single, burned out chair remains standing.

Palpatine's chair where he watched the battle of Endor take place.

Where he watched Skywalker and Vader duel for the fate of the galaxy.

Skywalker...

"Hey kid."

I lift my head and Uncle Luke is walking across the garden. I haven't seen him in six months and put down my data pad.

I lift my hand but say nothing when he approaches me.

"Mind if I sit?"

I shake my head and move over. I'm sitting on the edge of the fountain. I didn't want to be inside the house.

Mom and dad are arguing again.

This time it's because of me. Of what I did.

"Leia told me what happened."

"I didn't mean to shove him that hard!"

Shame and resentment bubble up inside and the words burst out.

"I know you didn't. You're a good kid Ben."

I pull my legs up and bury my head in them.

"No I'm not. Everyone thinks I'm a freak now."

"Who?"

"All the kids at school," I mumble, "just because I stood up for myself."

"Why did you shove the boy Ben?"

Humiliation burns inside of me.

"Because he was calling me names. He wouldn't stop."

"What names?"

I keep my face buried in my knee's.

"'Big-eared Ben.'"

I expect my Uncle to laugh. Dad did and that made it worse. It's what started the new argument.

"Words hurt Ben and I'm sorry you felt you had to resort to violence to stop it."

I look up at Uncle and he has a strange expression on his face.

"You are strong with the Force Ben but your strength lacks control."

I hear footsteps and see my parents standing in the yard.

Something is wrong. Dad isn't smiling and mom looks like she's close to tears. Mom rarely cries so I know it's something bad.

Uncle places a hand on my knee, smiling kindly but somehow sad.

"Leia it's time. You can't keep putting this off."

Mom comes to me and gets down on her knee's.

"Ben I know this is sudden but your father and I," she glances sharply at dad, "have decided that it's best you go with your Uncle for training."

"You're coming with me?"

Mom is shaking her head.

She's sending me away. Because of what I did. Because I'm a bad person.

I throw myself into her arms, clutching at her not caring that I'm acting like a baby.

"I'm sorry mom! I won't use the Force anymore, please don't send me away! I'll behave!"

"Oh Ben...no that's not it..."

Mom stroking my hair and I swear I will make any promise she wants me to so long as I don't have to leave.

"Leia."

Dad's voice and mom lets go. I stare up at my parents, dad has his hand around his neck and mom is clutching the side of her arm.

"Son," I look at my dad, "it's not that we...your mother and I...," he trails off and look at Uncle, "Damn it Luke you explain it to him! I can't do this."

My father looks down at me.

"Too much Vader in him..."

Muttered words that I don't understand when he storms off.

"Han!"

"Wait, Han get back here!"

Mother yelling for dad but he doesn't listen. He isn't heading for the house but for the Falcon.

"Leia," Uncle is standing with his hands on mom's shoulders, "go after him. I'll look after Ben."

Mom looks like she's hurting and I want her to stay with me but she nods and goes after dad.

Leaving me behind.

"Get out of my head!"

I stumble off the dais and turn away from the memories. I don't understand what's happening.

I threw everything away that had to do with Ben Solo, including all of his memories. So why are they coming back now?

The more I try to repress them the quicker they come. It's like trying to grasp water in my hand to stem the tide.

I am not Ben Solo. I am Kylo Ren and I don't need his pathetic memories!

But the gods, if there are any, are cruel and they refuse to give me peace.

I stand at the precipice, the ocean rolling in fury as memories fall like rain, distorting everything I see.

"Uncle?"

I get off the shuttle to see a building...no not a building, more like a temple. Four other children are there already waiting for us.

Uncle Luke stares at me and shakes his head.

"From this point on I take you as my Padawan learner to begin your training in the ways of the Force. You are now my apprentice and should address me as 'Master Skywalker' or 'Master'."

I am too shocked to move as he descends...

Cold wind snapping against my unprotected face and I blink but memories hook claws deep within and drag me back under...

"Ugh!"

Vox falls to the ground, her lightsaber in the dirt. She glares up at me, rubbing her wrist.

"You cheated!"

"Disarming you with the Force is not cheating."

She scrambles back to her feet and looks at Tai who is watching us spar.

"Tai! Do something! Tell him he's cheating!"

Tai gives her a mild look, his eyes serene. I have never seen Tai mad, not once in the two years since I've been at the temple.

"What would you have me do Vox? Ben is correct. Using the Force in battle is, strictly speaking, not cheating."

"Ugh!" Vox stamps her foot, snatching up her saber and pointing it at me, "if you weren't Master's nephew I would-"

"You would what?" I sneer at her, tired of this particular rant she goes on every time I defeat her, "Show us just how powerful you are? Oh wait, I forget, you're not that powerful."

"You arrogant brat! I-"

Tai is between us.

"That is enough Vox. This duel is over. Go work on your meditation."

"But Tai I-"

"Go."

She throws down her weapon and storms off.

I turn off mine and stare at Tai.

"I wasn't in any danger from her. Why did you do that?"

"I am aware of your power Ben. We all are. I wasn't protecting you, I was protecting Vox."

A tugging on my senses but it is vague and undefined and I drift in an ocean of memory...

"...can I see them?"

"You're not ready."

I get up, clenching my fists in an effort to remain calm. It's been five years since I've seen my parents.

"When will I be ready?"

Master Skywalker looks up from the lightsaber he is working on, his face a mask.

"When I tell you. Ben I know you're impatient but it takes years of dedication to become a Jedi."

"I'm not asking to take the trials! I just want to see my parents!"

A sound like thunder splitting the air and the rocks around me have cracked in half.

All sixteen of them.

Master Skywalker's eyes widen and I see it, in a fraction of a second, his fear.

Fear of my power.

Fear of me.

"You're not ready. Go meditate until you are calm."

I hear a snicker from behind and turn, Vox standing there with a smirk on her face.

Of all the apprentices she and I have never gotten along.

She is constantly trying to prove she is better than me. So far that day hasn't arrived.

"Vox it's not polite to eavesdrop on private conversations."

Master standing next to me and she pulls a look of contrition for his benefit.

"My apologies Master," she bows hand to fist, "but I thought you would like to be informed that we have visitors."

"Very well. I will see them shortly. You may go back to your practice."

"Yes Master."

She shoots me a knowing smirk and saunters off, her white dreadlocks swaying behind her.

I grit my teeth at her provocation.

"Ben," a hand on my shoulder, "go meditate. We'll talk more later."

Ah yes, my Uncle...no Master's answer for everything.

Meditation.

I sigh and try, once more, to let go of my resentment.

"Yes Master."

The scream of the gale, battering the ruins and the raging sea crashing upon metal...

A chill in my bones as I stare at the masked man who calls himself 'Ren'.

I can feel his power. It is dark like an endless abyss, a strange madness in him.

"So would-be Jedi man you can feel my shadow?" A harsh laugh, "Each of us has a shadow inside him and yours is a powerful one."

He steps towards me and Master moves in front, the green glow of his saber cutting through the darkness.

"Get away from my apprentice."

"Your apprentice Jedi Man? I see family resemblance."

He pulls off the chrome mask and I see a man with ice-blue eyes and white hair. His body is scarred by burns but his face remains untouched.

"Is this the path you want kid?"

A smirk as he stares at me and the chill goes into my soul where his eyes land.

"When you get tired of leading a lie, you come find me."

Panic and terror explode through the bond and I take a sharp breath, stepping back from the edge as memories vanish in an instant.

Rey is frantic, desperately reaching out to me.

I connect without conscious thought and feel the kiss of sunlight in my blood.

She's drowning in fear, suffocating, her mind a chaotic kaleidoscope of emotion.

I sense a secondary presence within her bringing the scent of night-flowers drenched in blood.

"My Emperor, I will be at your side soon."

I stagger beneath the sensual pull of that razor-tipped voice and hear Rey screaming in denial. The connection shatters and I drop to one knee, my head ringing with her duel resonance.

What I felt...what I heard...it triggers another memory.

"I can sense...Skywalker."

Snoke has taken me to the swamp world of Dagobah. I stand before a cave, cold sweat sliding down my spine.

The stench of evil, of dark energy, is resonating through the air.

"Yes, the most powerful Jedi in generations began his training in this spot we now stand."

I glance up at Snoke and hear the admiration in his voice. I am disgusted by it.

"So why am I here?"

Have I not already proven myself to be stronger than Skywalker?

"You lack patience my young apprentice but such is the folly of youth."

I grit my teeth at his baiting words. Once more I am being treated like a child and I begin to wonder if coming to Snoke wasn't a mistake.

He points at the entrance, his nails curved like talons.

"Your next test awaits you in there."

Unease makes my mouth dry, a sliver of fear creeping in.

"What will I find?"

"Your weakness. Face it," a cruel, taunting smile, "or keep running as you have been."

I head for the cave, I will prove to Snoke that I am not weak.

The cave is cold and dark, nothing but endless shadows and the scent of stagnant water, rancid in the humidity.

The hum of a lightsaber and I turn to see Luke Skywalker standing before me with his green saber.

Just like before when I was at the temple. Fear tightens my throat, the sense of suffocation when I look at this man.

I can hear Snoke whispering to me of my fear. Fear of Skywalker and what he nearly did to me. That I will never be as powerful as the legendary Luke Skywalker. He goads my anger, telling me the only way I can master this fear is by killing him. My rage, my sense of betrayal at the hands of Skywalker overpowers my fear and Snoke is screaming at me to strike him down.

I hear Skywalker's cries as my saber cuts through him. He vanishes into the darkness and my sense of suffocation disappears with it...

The sound of decompression, the grinding of rock on rock snaps me back to reality and I'm on my feet in time to see Rey slam into the ground.

A familiar, triangular shaped object slides across the floor towards the edge of the precipice and I sense her struggling effort to stop its momentum.

I'm closer and I don't need the Force to stop it. I slam my palm on the wayfinder, catching it in my grasp.

A ragged gasp and I look at the woman slowly getting back on her feet. Wide, fractal eyes tinged golden at the edges stare back at me.

I wonder which side of Rey has emerged victorious from Palpatine's 'test'. What I sensed earlier is similar to the 'test' I endured on Dagobah.

Did she 'destroy' her darker self or has she finally succumbed to it?

"What are you doing here Kylo Ren?" I shiver to hear a touch of midnight in her lilting voice, "I thought I told you to stay away from me."

Her arrogance astounds me and I snap out of the haze I've been in since arriving.

"I take orders from no one. Not even you Rey."

I might have shared my power with her had she stayed by my side.

But that path is closed to us now.

She narrows golden eyes and stares at the wayfinder in my grip. I see the need, the absolute want in them.

Her lust for the wayfinder is palatable.

"Give that to me," breathless anticipation as she lifts limpid eyes, "it's mine."

I hear the echo of my dark Empress in her words.

Perhaps it's not too late for us.

If she has given into her dark nature...

"Is that right?"

I meet her gaze and feel the magnetic pull between us growing stronger. Anticipation heightens my senses, blood roaring in my ears.

A slight tilt of her lips, a shift of her hips and her stance becomes aggressive.

"Don't test me Ren." She murmurs my name and fire licks down my spine, "I want that wayfinder. Now."

My Empress demanding my surrender, that I be the one to bow before her. If not for the fact I made a vow never to bend a knee again, she might have already put me on them.

I wonder just how far she is willing to fall.

"What will you do if I give this to you?"

I deliberately hold the wayfinder up in front of me and she devours it with greedy eyes. I see a tinge of red among the gold now.

"I will go to Exegol and take my revenge on the emperor for all the hurt he's caused me."

Vicious anger hissed through clenched teeth.

I hear the whisper of the wayfinder, feel the energy trapped within reaching for her.

Palpatine trying to ensnare his next victim.

I want her attention on me, not this device.

"Then why did you come here Rey?"

I snap the words out and it breaks through the compulsion. Golden eyes flicker back to me.

"Excuse me?"

Confusion and outrage twinning her words and I hold her gaze as I slowly step forward.

"If all you wanted was revenge," and I wonder where that particular thought came from, "then you should have stayed with me."

If she truly desired revenge from the start then she would never have run from me. She already knew I could find Exegol and Palpatine.

Her revenge against him would have been assured.

Instead she led me on a merry chase through the galaxy.

She bares her teeth and there is only madness in her gaze, not logic.

"The emperor is mine to kill. You would have tried to stop me!"

This woman is neither Rey nor my Empress, merely a puppet being controlled by Palpatine.

Before I can speak the hum of a lightsaber cuts through the air and I stare at the bright, blue blade.

"Enough, give that to me." She thrusts out her hand, "I won't ask you a third time."

The crimson sheen has nearly devoured the gold of her eyes.

I sense that I'm not speaking to Rey any more.

Another presence has hold of her.

The shade of the emperor, using the wayfinder as a medium for his power.

"Are you going to kill me Rey?"

I had hoped saying her name might pull her back from Palpatine's influence but she barely responds.

"If you force me to, yes. I want that wayfinder."

Time to change tactics.

"You sound like a Sith." I shake my head and allow my contempt to seep through, "What would my mother think to see you like this?"

A stifled breath and I watch as amber reemerges from the flickering gold and crimson.

I don't like speaking of my mother but if it brings Rey back to her senses...

The whisper of the wayfinder grows louder and I feel the vibrations through my glove.

Palpatine is not willing to let go of her so easily.

I watch as amber fades, gold and crimson taking over.

"This isn't about her," again she bares her teeth at me, "your tricks and deceptions won't work on me Kylo Ren."

I've had enough of these games. It's time to put an end to this once and for all.

If Rey is going to fall to the dark side let it be of her own choosing, not by the will of another.

I lift the wayfinder between us and slowly ease my power around the object.

"I think this has gone on long enough."

The vibrations are stronger now and before Rey can grasp my intentions I shatter the wayfinder with the Force and my own strength.

The scream of metal and glass as it falls between my fingers and the whispering is gone.

"No...NO!"

Rey screaming as if in torment, her saber shaking as she stares at the debris now littering the ground.

"How...how dare you!"

Hoarse words and eyes filled with desperation and unmitigated rage.

Amber and hammered gold swirling together, the touch of crimson gone.

At least I no longer have to contend with Palpatine's will.

"The emperor is manipulating you Rey." All of this talk of revenge and death is his idea, "He wants you to come to him."

"You had no right!"

She's not listening to me, refusing to heed my words.

Rage has twisted her features and I no longer recognize her. She lifts her saber and takes a wild swing at me.

I duck and pivot, coming up behind her.

"I have every right!" We are a Dyad whether she likes it or not, her soul connected to mine, "I won't let you be a tool for Palpatine!"

She turns faster than I anticipate, her saber aimed for my neck. I have no choice and bring mine up in defense.

We lock sabers and I smell burning ozone, the combined heat making me sweat.

I stare into burning amber, not a trace of gold or crimson to be seen.

This is Rey and she is furious with me.

"I hate you!"

The rage in her voice...the conviction...she actually means it.

I thought I was broken already, shattered beyond imagining but hearing this...the last piece of light I stubbornly held onto dies in the wake of her words.

She shoves at me trying to take me down.

Rage, the beast within, breaks free at last.

The only thing I see now is my enemy.

I drop and snap my leg out, sweeping her off her feet. Her stance is too wide, leaving her vulnerable.

She tumbles to the ground and I shut down my saber, going for the open hole that leads to the lowers levels.

She has as much control of the Force as I do and if I want to destroy her I need the upper hand.

Time to level the playing field.

I hear her enraged scream just as I drop to the sub-level.

Come after me Jedi. You think you have a little power because you've touched the darkness?

I am the darkness and I will show you the difference in strength.