"Bess. What do you mean?"
Bess shook her head, swallowed thickly, and pursed her lips as she rubbed her arm and stared at the ground. "Uh- I think the bell's going to go soon."
"We've got half the lesson left."
"Well, uh- Professor Flitwick-"
"Flitwick can fuck off for all I care. Please, Bess, what do you mean?"
Bess dropped her arms to her sides and pulled the fabric of her sleeves down over her fists. She wished someone would walk by. A teacher to send them back to class, a ghost to ask why they were in the hall. Hell, she'd even take Peeves right now. She thought of all of the times they'd been interrupted by James when he'd had the Marauders Map and had been looking for Sirius (something he'd asked forgiveness for, as he just hadn't realised how serious Sirius was about her at the time), and cursed the fact that he was in class so wouldn't be able to save her this time.
"Sirius. Talking to you and Remus and Lily and James showed me..." she broke off with a tearless sob. "It showed me how I die. I don't... I-" she sighed, "look. I'll tell you when I'm ready. But you can't push this. Not like you did last time."
Her words were met with silence. She could feel Sirius' eyes tracing over her face. His hands, which had fallen to his sides, were clenched into fists, and when her eyes flicked up to take in his chest, it was heaving as he took in slow calming breaths as he shook.
"Fine," he said finally through clenched teeth. "Then when? How long do we have?"
"Why? What would it do to give this an end date? And why do you even care? You didn't care about James or Remus or-"
"Why? Because I don't want to wake up one day and find out my life has ended and I didn't make the memories I was meant to! And what do you mean why do I even care? Bess this is completely different! This isn't a future you've changed already. You think it's going to come true and I can tell you don't think there's any way to change it! And if it happens... if you die... you'll take my heart with you."
"Our lives aren't connected like that! You're only seventeen!"
"Yes they are! Why can't you understand that?" he whined. "If you hadn't come along, I would be halfway to my own death right now. And I only just started properly living! You've given me so many more years and I want to spend those years with you."
Bess sighed and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't know exactly, but... but I think... I think it'll be summer."
"Which one?" he asked quietly. When she didn't answer, he whispered, "Bess, love. Which one? Please tell me you don't- tell me you don't mean this summer?" Again, Bess didn't answer, and Sirius yelled, "FUCK!" and stepped back as he put his hands to his head and gripped his hair.
She wrapped her arms around herself, raised a hand to cover her mouth, and expected Sirius to punch a wall, or storm off. Instead, after a moment's pause, he pulled her into his arms with a gentleness she didn't expect and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She could feel him taking deep sharp breaths, inhaling her scent. She moved her arms to around his middle and hugged him tightly.
"I'm so scared," she whispered, finally saying aloud the words she'd been thinking for a week and a half.
"So am I," he whispered back.
"But you're fearless."
"I don't think anyone has ever looked at a boggart and seen nothing. Everyone has fears. It's how we confront them that counts," he whispered, pulling back to rub his nose against hers. "Hi."
"Hi," Bess whispered back, staring into his grey eyes.
"My name's Sirius Black and I'm scared I'm going to lose you."
Bess let out a breathless laugh. "My name's Elizabeth Coulson and I'm scared I'm going to lose you too."
"What're we going to do about it?"
"The way I see it, we only have two options. One, live recklessly while we still can."
"That sounds like a plan. That sounds like a very good plan."
"Thanks. Inspired by my boyfriend. He likes to live dangerously," she replied with a smile. "Two, try and spent as much time together as we can."
"Done."
"Three-"
"Love, really?" Sirius groaned, and Bess grinned. She thought back to her first stint in the Hospital Wing:
"And three-" she'd continued.
"Love!" Sirius had groaned loudly, and thrown his head back.
"What?" She'd asked, snapping her head round to look at him.
"Just learn to count, please!"
"It's not my fault if I remember points as I go along!"
"Then don't say how many points you're going to make until you've already made them!" He'd said as he'd placed a hand over his face.
"Sorry, does it annoy you?" she'd asked as she cocked her head to the side.
"Yes," he'd replied, as he'd moved his hand to his hair as he ran his fingers through his dark locks.
"Good." she'd said as she'd raised an eyebrow at him teasingly. "Two things, third point..."
"And three, you have to teach me how to count," she whispered, pulling him even closer to her.
"Never," he said seriously, "I don't want anything about you to change."
"Not even my stubbornness?"
"Especially not your stubbornness," he said as he gently moved her hair away from her shoulder. "Bess..." he rested his forehead against hers. "If- if it's the summer, then..."
"I've looked up dates, and I think it'll either be... It'll either be the night of the first or thirtieth of July, or the twenty-eighth of August."
Sirius' eyes widened and the blood drained from his face as he paled. "Love... those are... R-Remus?"
"No. No," she replied. "It's not Moony. Don't worry. I just... I just know it'll be at a full moon. Or around one. It was night-time." Sirius nodded, and she took in a deep breath, "and anyway, if it was Moony I'd be safe, right? Because you'd be there," she said, moving her hands up to cup his face.
"Yeah, love, you'd be safe," he whispered in reply, and Bess was grateful that he'd not asked more, but she knew he was holding back and respecting her wishes. "Love?"
"Yeah?"
"Can- can we? Can we go back to my room?" he whispered. "If you don't want to, we can go for a walk or something instead. I just-"
Bess nodded immediately. "Yes. Yes I really want to. I need you," she replied. "But Charms?"
Sirius shook his head. "Love, cleaning charms can wait."
"Not for you they can't! What happens when I die? Your place'll be a right mess."
She thought he'd laugh. Or chuckle. Or smile. But he didn't. He just frowned and bit his lip as he took in a shaky breath through his nose. Finally, he spoke again, "I'll be a right mess."
"True, but with a wonderfully clean living area," she said, trying to smile but failing as her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked. "What about Charms though. Won't we get detention?"
"Bess. You really need to change your priorities."
"Come on, Sirius. We have four days left until you leave for Easter, I don't want to waste one evening stuck in a detention halfway across the school from you."
"What? No. I'm not going away for Easter. I'm not leaving you."
"You have to."
"No."
Bess sighed. "Padfoot. You need your motorcycle. You need to charm it this Easter. You'll need it this summer. You'll need it in a few years. Okay? So you need to go."
"I'll just bring it here and work on it in the castle."
"I'm going to win this one," Bess whispered.
Sirius stared at her with a sad expression on his face until she broke his gaze and began to walk towards the Gryffindor tower.
This time, he ran to catch up with her.
They walked through the halls hand in hand, barely saying a word.
When they reached his room, Sirius waved his wand to lock and silence the door, and then captured her lips in a slow and thorough kiss.
They spent the rest of the lesson time 'getting lost in each other' as Sirius had once put it, and lay tangled in each other's embrace for the entirety of the last lesson of the school day, where Bess had a free lesson but Sirius should have been in Arithmancy.
Finally, at around 4.30, there was a knock at the door. They didn't move until the second, more insistent knock. They got changed quickly, Bess donning one of Sirius' t-shirts and her underwear, and Sirius pulling on a pair of pyjama trousers over his boxers. As the door knocked for a third time, Sirius crossed the room and opened it.
"About time! I need a shit!" James cried as he ran to the bathroom, not registering Bess' presence as he went.
When the two doors shut, Bess and Sirius fell into uncontrollable giggles.
"He does know there are other toilets, right?" Bess asked through her tears of laughter.
"Doesn't want- doesn't want anyone to tell Lily!" Sirius laughed, as he crossed the room, drew back the covers and slipped back into bed.
xXx
Sighing, Bess thought about the fact that the castle had been Marauder-less for almost a week now.
She'd asked Sirius to still go home for the break. Neither of them had wanted to leave the other, but Bess had reasoned that she would be with her friends who were studying hard for their NEWTs, and he would be sorting out his inheritance, working on his motorcycle, and preparing their flat.
His uncle had left him an extremely sizeable amount of gold and a large four bedroom two-story flat in Knightsbridge. It was only one of the four properties he'd been left, but as it was in the middle of London, it was the only one either of them wanted to live in - London was their home.
Their main relief from the agonising-but-needed separation was the knowledge that they would be seeing each other for the Order meeting, and then it would just be another week before he returned. Then they would have the whole of the summer term together before they left Hogwarts and moved in to their home.
It had all been helped by the fact that Bess had only told Sirius about the fact that she and Dumbledore assumed that she had seen her death. She still hadn't elaborated, and still hadn't told any of their friends. She just wasn't ready to share yet. As much as he wanted to know, Sirius had respected her decision and thrown himself headfirst into practical tasks to take his mind off things. He'd also managed to create havoc in the last two days of term, and McGonagall was still trying to turn her office back into an organised space but was being thwarted at every turn by Sirius, Remus and James' spells. Peter had acted as look out.
Shaking her head to stop herself from thinking about how much she missed him, she reached over to drop a sugar cube into her mug. Just two more hours and it'll be the Order meeting and I'll see him again, she thought to herself as she had tea and a catch up with Jasper after their one-on-one Defence session. They were killing time before he travelled with her to the meeting.
And Bess was trying to deflect as much as possible. She didn't want to answer any questions right now, and was trying to distract herself from the meeting - she was nervous and tense.
"Another one? Do you just run on sugar? Should I take you back to St. Mungo's and see if they'll give you an infusion of chocolate?" Jasper asked with a laugh.
"Hush, you. Anyway, don't avoid the question. Any dates on the horizon?" she asked.
Jasper frowned and then scoffed and tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. Bess had noticed that as much as the girls and some of the boys of the school, and that receptionist at the Auror office, stared at him admiringly, and she knew that he knew he was very good looking, he'd never mentioned a girl or guy to her.
"Merlin, no. Too married to the job. I mean, I get two days off a week, and I've spent the past six months using half of one of them to teach self defence to sixth years!"
"Does it annoy you?"
"Nah. It's fulfilling and means I can check in on you and deliver information to Dumbledore. What annoys me is the fact that you still can't figure out how to dive right."
Bess glared playfully and screwed up her face. "Well if I dive right I fall on my wand arm. That's just stupid," she replied with a smile. "There's never been anyone who's piqued your interest?" she raised her mug to her lips and took a sip as she waited for his answer.
He lowered his gaze to hers and shook his head slightly, before he looked around as he said, "No. There's... Well, yes. But... by the time I realised how I felt, she'd moved countries. She's happy though and we're friends. I see her every so often during assignments and we exchange letters. But it wouldn't have worked anyway."
"Why not?"
He thought for a moment before he shook his head again. "Let's move on."
"Okay... Uh- how're you doing? You know... Delbert was a huge influence on you. It can't have been easy to... I don't know. Just. How are you?"
Jasper laughed. "Are you worried about me?" He laughed again when Bess tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at his obvious deflection, and he sighed and said, "like I said, I'm fine. I have to be. Uh- my new partner's cool... a guy a few years older than me. Name's Shacklebolt. He's nice enough, good humoured. We get along great, so I'm happy."
"I'll meet him today, right?"
Jasper grinned. "Yeah. Yeah you will."
They sat in silence for a moment before Bess decided to ask something trivial as she reached over to grab a chocolate frog. "Can I ask you something?"
Jasper nodded and picked up a tuna and cucumber sandwich. "Told you before. Ask away. I'll let you know if I can't answer."
She grinned and asked, "Were you in Gryffindor?"
Jasper shook his head and said proudly, "I'm a 'puff through and through."
"Really?!" Bess cried, sitting forwards slightly. "I almost was. But I asked to be put into Gryffindor."
"What? Why'd you do that?" He asked incredulously.
She looked out of the window as her smile dropped slightly. "Protection..."
"Oh kid. Sorry. Yeah. I- I understand that."
She shook her head quickly and looked back, smiling. "It's alright. Par for the course. I still can't believe you were Head Boy though, you're so..." she said, motioning towards him.
"What? Good looking, strong, brilliant with magic, accomplished, fair, loyal... don't know why you'd be shocked..."
Bess laughed. "No! I mean you're so humble..."
Jasper chuckled. "I'm just kidding. Neither can I honestly... My parents were so proud, and let me tell you, that badge is a power trip and a half. But I was good, didn't use it for evil. Your boyfriend and his mates gave me a run for my money though. Even in second year they were always sneaking out, getting detentions... Merlin. They were the absolute worst."
"Still are..." Bess said, smiling absentmindedly as she looked down at the frog in her hand which was trying to jump to freedom. "Can I-"
"Just ask!" Jasper groaned.
"Why d'you call me kid? It only started after Christmas. Just wondered..."
Jasper smiled and shrugged. "Dunno really, why? Do you want me to stop?"
"No, it's nice. Just reminds me of an old Muggle film called Casablanca. Wondered if you'd seen it?"
Jasper shook his head and frowned. "Nah, Mum's really into her films but don't think we've watched that one together. What's it's about?"
"Just an old war movie."
Jasper nodded.
"Your sisters..."
"Yeah..."
"The ones who are witches. What do they do?"
Jasper grinned. "Mattie's working in America and Dottie's in China on a dragon reserve. Pretty high fliers those two."
"And you're the youngest?"
"Yeah. Why? Preparing to meet the family someday?" he asked with a teasing smile.
Bess rolled her eyes. "You know, I hope I do. Then I'll get to tell them first hand how wonderful you are."
Jasper's jaw clenched and he pursed his lips embarrassedly as he ducked his head. "Dad doesn't take kindly to liars..." he muttered.
"Good think I was telling the truth then, eh?" she asked with a laugh.
He smiled in return and took a deep breath. "Bess, can I ask you something?"
"'Course."
"How old are you really?" he asked quietly, and Bess' eyes widened. "I know. I know about who you are. I've known for months. I'm the one who convinced Selket to give up his memories and I'm the one who gave them to Dumbledore. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready, but you never have..."
Bess' eyes mouth dropped open, her eyebrows came together, and she sat forwards in her chair. "Oh Jasper. I'm so sorry. I- I wanted to protect you. I thought you'd be safer not knowing. After Delbert, I just couldn't put you in more danger."
"Bess! I'm a bloody Auror!" he cried, bringing his hands up and rolling his eyes.
"So was Selket!" Bess reasoned. Jasper couldn't argue with that, so he just frowned. After a brief pause she sighed, licked her lips slowly, and said, "I'm twenty-one."
Jasper's eyes widened as he frowned. He, too, sat forwards in his seat, his forearms coming to rest on his thighs as he stared at her. "You're... wait... so you're less than a year younger than me?"
Bess bit the inside of her cheek and nodded. "I mean, I think so. When's your birthday?"
"May eighteenth," he replied without a pause.
"You're..." Bess frowned, counting on her fingers as she muttered under her breath until she'd worked out their age difference, when she raised her voice and said, "yeah. You're five months older than me then."
Jasper's eyebrows raised even further and he looked around for a moment before his gaze met hers again. "What? Really?"
"Yup."
"Merlin," Jasper whispered, running a hand through his hair. "That's a bit crazy... I've been thinking you're a schoolkid... This whole time you've been the same age as me and-"
"Hey, it's not too weird..." Bess said, taking slight offence to his tone of surprise.
"That's not- Merlin. I didn't mean it in a bad way. You always seemed older. I guess I just didn't realise you really were. How old's your boyfriend again?" he asked, frowning again.
Bess ducked her head and muttered, "Seventeen."
His eyebrows shot up even further and he stared at her for another moment before he coughed and shook his head. Regaining his composure, he sat back in his chair, drained his goblet of pumpkin juice, and muttered, "Cradle robber."
Bess gasped and reached over to slap Jasper on the arm as he began to laugh. "I hate you!" she waited until he'd stopped before she asked, "how old's the woman you like then? Is there an age difference there?"
He laughed again and shook his head. "Nah. But like I said, wouldn't happen anyway."
Bess pursed her lips to stop herself from asking why, again, and instead popped the rest of her chocolate in her mouth. They joked and chatted about their lives for another hour before, finally, it was time to go. Jasper transfigured her clothes into an older style Muggle dress and changed her hair from curly to a sleek updo. Her nose grew longer, her eyebrows became thin lines, make up slathered its way onto her face and wrinkles lined her mouth and eyes, which turned from brown to green, her hair from dark brown to grey. Looking in the mirror, she barely recognised herself.
"I'll take it all off once we get there, but it's easier than you being disillusioned all the time and honestly, I'd rather chat to you than be completely silent," Jasper said as he led her to Dumbledore's office.
"Is this because I'm old?" she asked, and glared as he laughed again.
They floo'd to The Hog's Head and Jasper loudly announced that he wanted to take his grandmother to Dervish and Bangs, before leading her to the alleyway two doors down from the pub where he span on the spot and disapparated them away.
She didn't realise how nervous she was until they left the safety of Hogsmeade. They'd planned to apparate into London and then walk through Leicester Square to shake off any followers before apparating to another location near Brighton, where they'd drive to the Order meeting. Jasper had said that even Moody had signed off on the plan, that three Order members would be tailing them, and that Delbert wouldn't follow. It didn't stop the sinking feeling in her stomach.
By the time they got to Brighton, Bess was shaking and breathing heavily as she looked over her shoulder every few seconds.
Jasper's calming hand on her arm was the only thing keeping her grounded until they reached a black car. Jasper opened the driver's side door and motioned for her to get in. When she did, he pressed a button and the bonnet disappeared from sight. He then waved his wand and changed her back into her own clothes. Another wave and her appearance returned to its normal state.
"Much better," he said with a smile as he began to drive.
It was the first time Bess had been in a car for over a year and a half, and she couldn't help the smile that came over her face and the little dance she did.
"What was that?" he asked, shooting her a quick look before returning his eyes to the road as he sped through the dark and quiet roads. 1977. Not many cars, Bess reminded herself.
She laughed and threw her hands in the air as she looked at him. "My happy dance! You've seen my happy dance!"
"Not from the side... Merlin. You look so... odd."
"Hey! Be nice to your grandma!" she cried and patted his shoulder.
Jasper shook his head and grimaced. "Nope. Nope. Nope. Not happening. Park the old lady stuff."
Bess chuckled and looked out of the window as she took in a deep breath and tried to ground herself as they made their way out of the city.
A/N:
So! HorseGirl16 asked how many chapters I'm planning so I thought I'd respond publicly - I have no idea! I have a plan, I know where the story's going, and I have the ending, but it's not broken down chapter by chapter because whenever I do, I run straight past the chapter number. E.g. chapter 50 was meant to be the start of the summer, and we're at Chapter 49 and it's the middle of the Easter break! I just can't stop writing the conversations and little moments. I love it all! Hope you do too!
Leaving it there because the next chapter will be the Order meeting. And don't worry, Bess and Sirius will talk more about this, she just needs more time. And she'll see soon how he's really taking the news! Hope the chapter was okay! The next chapter will be up asap! I'm really excited to share it with you guys!
Thank you to all of my reviewers! Your comments mean so much to me! Thank you to: idreamtosmilealways, Ghost Claw 001, LeeForShort, CharlotteGryffindor, Guest, HorseGirl16, AvalonRivers, BirkenstockBilly and potterrs!
And thank you to everyone reading, following and favouriting!