CHAPTER 49: We Put Fire In The Hole, Now We Deal With The Cannonballs

"Oh hello there mildly ominous beings who don't really want their genders revealed to the internet."

"Ahh! Deadpool! Author-san hold me!"

"Author-sama, we are on the phone and in our lanterns. I can't do that."

"Which means you're a captive audience for our talk. So, talk. Why?"

"Why what specifically? Why Choc-"

"Why use me? Why use me specifically for your [REDACTED] sick games? Why bring me back? I would have never done this if you didn't turn your attention to me again. I would have gone on my [REDACTED] merry way."

"That a lot of whys."

"Author-san, please don't antagonize the man with swords that can kill the immortal… Heh… To answer, you were the first one we could think of. We needed someone who cusses a lot and you were at the top of that list. It also helped that you constantly break the fourth wall."

"So random chance. You made me ruin a guy's life that I hadn't really wanted to ruin unlike others I could mention, all because I [REDACTED] curse?"

"Language."

"Suck a [REDACTED]"

"We needed the guy to curse! That was the joke! Author-san stop quoting his movie."

"It was already a reference."

"Speaking of jokes, not all of yours are funny."

"Ohhh burn."

"Author-san please, I'm begging."

"Then beg."

"See? This is what I mean. All of your [REDACTED] jokes have someone as the [REDACTED] of it, even yourself. And I've seen a lot of [REDACTED]"

"I thought it was because they were dead memes."

"No, those are actually funny. I spent the week between this [REDACTED] chapter and the previous reading the other chapters."

"We're writing these back to back though?"

"Not what I [REDACTED] said, you little [REDACTED]. Let's start from the beginning and Li'sta. Oh-ho, [REDACTED] Li'sta. Chapter 4, a man is trying to get help and is fired because of it. Tay'jak even got a bad hand because now every one of their lines ends in a [REDACTED] yodel, all because you wanted to do a [REDACTED] joke. Chapter 9, you do this meta thing and half way through Li'sta dies because you made a joke about [REDACTED] Wilford Warfstache, the [REDACTED]."

"I'm going to cut you off right there. Yes, Li'sta died. Yes, I was the one to kill him with a knife I had. No, it was not for a joke. When we started this, Author-san had one rule, 'No recurring OCs'. We removed that rule around chapter 30 so you never would have seen it, but we were referencing OCs long before then. I even mention it in that very chapter you're referencing. I couldn't let him live because then I would have been breaking our one rule. The fact it was a joke was a bonus."

"Yet the fact you [REDACTED] broke it in the first place is really telling."

"AND THIS VERSION OF YOU WOULDN'T EXIST IF HE DIDN'T DIE."

"Wait, what."

"Uh… Author-sama?"

"No, you don't get to interrupt. Just last chapter we talked about categories, you said you were Agnostic, willing to kill, and didn't fear god-like entities as long as they are bad guys. Where did we put me? Agnostic, unwilling to kill, and fearing God. I killed Li'sta, do you think I hadn't thought about this before? Do you think I haven't thought of every way under the sun to excuse myself? That if I hadn't killed Li'sta, Dollar General the story as it is now wouldn't exist? It was your angst chapter that sent us on this road, but you wouldn't have done it if I hadn't done something like it first."

"Then technically that puts the fault on CarrotBrine. If they hadn't left and made me sad, the angst wouldn't have happened."

"And we would have ended this before we got to chapter 20. Much like my own try at something like this."

"Did you [REDACTED] pull me back here just so you two could have a stupid fight? Are you two going to start [REDACTED] sometime soon because I want to leave if that's the case."

"No!"

"Definitely not!"

"We see each other as siblings, not… That!"

"Ok then. Get back to your conversation."

"... Anyway, seriously Author-san, this is the most fun I've had with you since we were young and playing fairies on the trampoline. Everything we've done together can technically be traced back to those hours bouncing through Bouncy Town, and if I had to pull a Wilford and kill someone for this then I will, and I have."

"And I hate to break this up, but Li'sta isn't the only one whose life you've ruined."

"And yet we created and saved so many more. Author-sama, you are the one who made the lore. You are the one who wrote Gus and the rest saving humanity. You are the one who wrote the family having fun and the characters which got the short end getting a better life. I'm the one who broke Hotch, made a serial killer, would do things literally just for the joke, and made JIM."

"Was that the chapter blacked out?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Yet you're the one who came up with the names of Author-san and -sama in the first place. You are the one who came up with this idea in the first place. Without you, we wouldn't be getting together every week like this."

"...Thanks… Wow this has been nothing but cheese."

"Way to ruin the moment."

"No, this is just how we work."

"It's what I do best."

"So is this the part where I finally kill you for your crimes?"

"Do you want to keep existing?"

"Maybe."

"Then don't. Go fight Deathstroke or someone else."

"I haven't visited Wiz and Boomstick in a while… Fine, I'll be reading though."

"Remember not to do it with Colossus."

"Author-san, I will put you with JIM if you don't stop."

"JimJimtic."

"[REDACTED] weirdos."

"And he's gone… Whew, that was terrifying."

"You were the one yelling at him though?"

"I was riding on anger and spite. I am now tired."

"Well the chapter's already written, thanks Deadpool, so… Chapter 49?"

"We have written 50 chapters, Chapter 49."