Empty lanterns

Due to the war, the cemetery outside of Fire City had grown significantly. Who would have ever thought that she would one day stand in front of the graves of her brothers and her father. At her request, her subordinates had made memorial plaques for them, engraved with just their names, nothing else. Now there was nothing left of them but the soul lanterns in which they had spent so much time, maintaining the protection spells of Fire City. She hadn't dared to tell Ying Kong Shi about this place. She was afraid that he might fail to understand that she was grieving for her despicable relatives. Would he not despise her for her mourning? Huo Yi had ruined their lives, he had even killed his own daughter. But Yan Da remembered a face that gently looked down on her, stroking her cheeks. Her father had once cared for her when she was little, and he one had been a king who was not yet completely seduced by his hunger for power. Yan Da closed her eyes, tears falling silently from her face. She had a vague memory of her time as a soul in the Limitless Space of the Fire Tribe. She had felt nearly nothing, and remembered less. Death had brought her peace, even though she had never completely forgotten that her adult life had been tragic. Only when Ying Kong Shi brought her back was she able to feel that grief again.

But the Fire Queen's mighty soul had not allowed her sadness and sentimentality. For all of her second life, she had not been free to mourn for her family, always suppressed by Yan Zhu, who had dominated her mind and body for two thousand years.

And the Yan Da of this world had distracted herself very well in the past few weeks. Her focus had been on surviving the attacks of the assassin, mastering her new magic, and exploring her relationship with Ying Kong Shi. And of course the aptitude test. She had deliberately avoided the parts of the palace that her brothers and father had inhabited. Now, after endless years, and another life in a strange world called earth, the wheel of fortune had brought her, the old Yan Da, back to her home. Except that it wasn't home anymore. The corridors were empty, compared to the time her father had reigned. The remodelling of the palace and the absence of smoke and heat made it clear to her that her past was irretrievably gone. Something new had arisen here without her having had time to mourn the old.

Earlier in the evening, a sudden irrational feeling of loneliness had given her another panic attack. She hadn't shown her rising fear to anyone, not even to Ying Kong Shi. She had walked quietly with him through the corridors, barely able to follow the words of her generals. With every further corner, every further corridor, memories had come to Yan Da that were infinitely painful. When they entered the throne room, she almost fled. The last time she had been in this room, her father had devoured the souls of all her brothers before her eyes. In the expectation that he would end her life, too, she had knelt at that very spot, in front of the stone pillars. But he had spared her, not out of love, no, but out of the desire that she should admire him and witness his rise to the top of all kingdoms.

I have it all now. I am the Queen, I have peace, and I have Ying Kong Shi. How can I feel so sad? I shouldn't feel so sad. Sobbing, she sank to the ground. She was barely able now to distinguish between her feelings, as the sadness mixed with anger and disappointment, and she screamed out loud her pain.

"Why? Why do I miss you? Why am I forced to love the most despicable men of this world? I curse you, father! All of you!"

Her hands touched the unfamiliar grass, instead of the stony ground of the past. She clung to it and rested her head on the cool green. She stared at the empty lantern beside her. She couldn't believe her eyes when suddenly a small glowing spark appeared in its centre. More small glowing points followed, rising from the meadow, until Yan Da was surrounded by a sea of lights that gently floated around her. Some of the lights grew larger, taking the form of small humanoid beings. Their transparent wings let them hover silently in front of her. "Who are you?" Yan Da whispered in wonder. "Queen Yan Da, we are the Flame Spirits that you have blessed with the power of the Ice Fire Rock. For a long time, we slept under the streams of lava and watched as everything burned under the curse of the Hidden Lotus. Your gift brought us new life, and now we are giving you back this gift by renewing the land."

Yan Da sat up in astonishment and wiped the tears from her face. "If you are the Flame Spirits, then… do you mean you are the reincarnation of the original Holy Flame?" Yan Da leaned down to the small figure, which seemed to glow from within. "Yes, my Queen." "Why do you appear to me? And why here?" "We feel your sadness, because we are connected to you by the magic of the Ice Fire Rock. We want to give you consolation, and offer you our knowledge, which includes many things, visible and invisible."

If you know how I feel, then you also know the question that moves my heart." The little Spirit nodded. "You want to know if you should get married and give another man the opportunity to rule your battered tribe. You fear that it is the nature of men that has ruined your kingdom. You trust Ying Kong Shi, but you've also seen his darkness." "That's right." Yan Da's lower lip trembled as she admitted her doubts. Ashamed, she looked down.

"Know this, Fire Queen. Your soul chose the Ice Prince as a companion even before you were born. You have been following the path to him for a long time. We know him, too, and the power of his tribe. If you turn away from him, even though you love him, you are responsible for his disappointed heart. You know what happened to Yan Zhu when Xian Xue broke her heart. She became receptive to the lies of others and the poison of the Hidden Lotus. Ying Kong Shi is kind and pure at heart. Take care of him, love him, and you have nothing to fear. Leave him alone, and he might end up being the curse of this world, as his father before. And the same goes for you, Queen Yan Da. With great power comes great responsibility. Do not turn away from him because you think you have to protect your people. It will make you bitter and in the end you will no longer be any different from your ancestors."

"But Long Wang told me that I have the freedom to decide." "Yes, that's true. But in your special case, Yan Da, there is no clear line between freedom and love. And you know that in the bottom of your heart. You stand here weeping for the death of your family and loathe yourself that you feel this way. Listen, sweet child of the Holy Flame. It is not your curse to love those who do not deserve love, but the freedom of your heart that you have enough strength and love that you can forgive the weaknesses of others. Love has its own magic, the only spell that gets stronger if you share it. You know that long ago, there were two immortals, one from Fire, and one from Ice, and they shared love for the very first time. Since then, the spell has spread, millions of lives have lived and shared love. Your love is not your weakness. It's your greatest strength, if you're willing to share it."

Yan Da looked thoughtfully at the small figure in front of her. Nothing in her wanted to contradict the words of the Flame Spirit, yet Yan Da hesitated. "If you don't believe us and don't believe yourself, then ask the person you gave your heart to." With these words, the winged creature pointed behind Yan Da's shoulder. Confused, Yan Da turned around. Ying Kong Shi was standing there, just a few meters away. She hadn't heard him coming. How long he had been there she couldn't tell, but his face told her that he had witnessed enough. He approached her carefully and sat next to her. Ying Kong Shi looked around and took a deep breath when he saw the memorial tablets of Yan Da's father and brothers. He turned back to her, and a tenderness and understanding reflected in his eyes that Yan Da had never thought possible of him. "You could have told me about your worries. And of this … place."

Yan Da swallowed and felt the shame rise again. "Don't you despise me for putting up these memorial tablets for the worst enemies of your tribe, and your brother?" Ying Kong Shi's lips curled up in a thin, sad smile. "Yan Da, when my heart began to love you, I knew who you were. I resisted my feelings for you for a long time, and I was ashamed of the fact that I felt this way for the daughter of my worst enemy. But in the end I realized that your love was pure and good, and that you gave up everything for me. That's when I made the decision that I would treasure this love, even though it was just a secret in my heart. Yan Da, should I stop loving you now, even despise you for these tablets? Does that make sense? Neither of us chose our origins. Should I be ashamed of my mother in front of you? Should I stop to go to her grave and miss her, even though her deeds caused the fall of the Ice Tribe and the death of my siblings and so many other good immortals? Shall I not talk to you about her and my brother, for the rest of our lives that we hopefully share with each other? What kind of marriage would that be, having to hide our sadness from each other? Yan Da, our parents left us a world in ruins. And yet they made us. We are the proof that not everything that came from them is bad. You should mourn for those who raised you. I will not despise you for it, nor will I judge you. I just hope that we can fill the void in each other's heart, teaching our children one day love instead of hatred. Yan Da, I'm not like my father, and not like yours either. I don't want to be a Fire King, and I don't want to be an Ice King either. I want you to know that I never sought power for power's sake. All I wanted was to be strong enough to protect my family, and when I learned to love you, I wanted to protect you, too. You once asked me what I am most afraid of. The answer is that I'm scared of losing you. Over and over again, your deaths that I couldn't prevent haunt me in my dreams. Through you, I finally understand my brother. Like him, all I want is to be free to love and life with you! Please, Yan Da, let's not waste this chance again." Ying Kong Shi sank down in front of her and took her in his arms, his eyes wide open and full of hope and tears. Yan Da closed her eyes, and then ... she gave in and accepted her infinitely difficult decision.

For you, I will choose to love without fear of the future, without fear of making mistakes, without fear that you will hurt me again.

Something inside was falling away from her, a hard shell that had prevented the most sacred centre of her heart from rising freely. She wrapped him in his arms, and inhaled deeply his scent. "Ying Kong Shi, I believe you." In this place, in the lights of the Flame Spirits, Ying Kong Shi and Yan Da finally met with open hearts. The spell they once shared had finally come home.