"What are those sirens for?" Kuchel yelled. The Ackermans ran through the night, Armin hugging Levi's neck as they went. The poor kid snuggled his stuffed tiger extra close.
"The city's under attack." That was the closest he could get to the truth without scaring them to death. "I want to get you all to safety."
"Then you'll go get Mama, right?" Kuchel sounded pained. Levi flicked a glance to Oruo, who ran straight ahead. Somehow, the seven-year-old didn't crack. This kid was tougher than Levi ever had been.
"Yeah," Levi croaked. "I'll get Mama."
He wanted Kuchel and Armin to have just a few more minutes before their entire worlds ended. Literally and figuratively.
Petra. He fought against a swell of emotion. Baby, wherever you are, I hope you can see us.
Petra looked away when Eren Jaeger approached. The boy was completely naked.
"I can't believe I'm asking this, but can you make some clothes out of this sand?" she snapped.
"Oh. Right. Sorry." Then Eren coughed.
"Ah. Ymir, please make Eren some clothes," Historia said. Then she shrugged at Petra, almost sheepish. "If you want her to make somebody, you just need to ask me. I'm the one with Reiss blood, so she'll obey."
"I'm… You're…" Petra felt numb. As Ymir handed Eren a pair of trousers, Petra also felt pissed. "Okay. Where the hell are we? What the hell is going on?"
"We're in PATHs," he said, buttoning his fly as Ymir started sculping a button up shirt. This place was a freak show.
"Fine. Now what exactly does that mean?"
"This is the coordinate. It's where the path of every single Eldian meets. That," Eren said, pointing at the great tree of light, "is the heart of our civilization."
A freaky tree-thing. Sure. If only Levi were here, he'd bluntly tell Eren to get to the point.
Levi…
Wait. Petra flung herself at Eren as Ymir handed him a shirt.
"How do I get my children here? Or Levi?" She began shaking him. "Historia said the bombs were about to go off, we have to move fast!"
"You can summon them." Eren sounded fucking calm. Screw him. He'd been dead for years and now he was acting like she was the crazy one?
"How the hell do I do that?"
"You don't have to worry. The bombs won't kill them so long as we're here." Eren looked around the endless desert. His eyes seemed older than eternity. "Historia told you that decades passed for her in the span of half a heartbeat. Two million years would have to pass in PATHs time before the bombs went off in reality." Eren took Petra's wrists in a gentle grip. "Call your husband and children. Everything else can wait."
"How do I call them?" She couldn't do this. She was a titan, she was the Founder, Eren was dead and then he was alive, it was all insanity. "How do I know you're even really you? How do I know this isn't some trick?"
Eren tightened his mouth.
"Erwin sent Kuchel a rocking horse for her fifth birthday. She cried when you told her you had to send it back, so you let her put a unicorn onesie on her brother to make her feel better."
Petra gaped. "What? How did you…?"
"You spent your thirtieth birthday on top of the Amalfia hotel in Valle. Your favorite romance author is Eugenie Ottavia. You only discovered her two years ago."
Petra stepped away. "You've been dead."
"I have."
"So how the hell did you know?"
"Because I saw it years ago. The Attack Titan can see the future memories of its inheritors." Eren's face took on a kind of sympathetic tenderness. "It's how I knew so much of what was going to happen to you. I knew you'd sleep with Erwin. I knew Armin's birth would turn him insane. I saw all that in the future memories you passed down to me. You hold the Founder and the Attack Titan now, Petra. I told you once that I could trust you more than anyone else. That's how." He sighed. "I saw your memories."
Her knees threatened to give out.
"Why didn't you tell me then? How much of this could've been avoided if you just said?"
"Because I knew that this world could only survive with the future you'd create, and all three of your children." Eren knelt and picked up a handful of sand. He let it sift through his fingers as he stared. "Kuchel came to Paradis, which brought you. Oruo's ability to take the Founder meant that Erwin prepared the serum shot. And Armin." Eren gazed at her. "Her love for him drove Brigitta insane, and made her inject you. If those things hadn't happened, you couldn't have eaten Connie, and you couldn't have come here to me. To finish this job and save the world."
She couldn't and wouldn't cry. Petra had gone past tears.
"We're not going another step until my husband and children are brought here." She glared. "Tell me what to do."
Jean stood in the hallway as people rushed around him. Sirens were going off. Some were trying to get to the lower levels, hoping they'd shield against a hyperfusion explosion. But he just stood there.
What was the point? The world was ending, and she was gone.
When Kanada gave the code and it was rejected, the poor Hizuran man had crumpled to the floor. Then he stood, grabbed a pistol from a nearby soldier's holster, and blew his own brains out. Jean had stood there all the while, blinking above the corpse.
What was the point? She was gone.
He gave orders to his officers. He told them to begin evacuating the city. The time for warring had passed. They needed to get as many people to safety as possible. But Jean knew that safety no longer existed. It was all a way to disguise the naked horror of what was about to happen.
"Jean!" Sasha raced down the stairs and over to him. She shouldered her rifle. "What is it?"
Jean swallowed; his throat was dry. "The hyperfusion bombs went off. We obliterated Valle, along with a couple other cities. The rest of the world is coming for us."
Sasha froze, her wide brown eyes like saucers. Jean waited for her to say something funny, or irritated. He wanted her to pray for a last meal, something like the old Sasha. But all she said was, "My…my kids. Niccolo."
Yeah. She had grown up, too.
"I'm sorry." He squared his jaw. "I should've sent you home. I'm truly sorry."
Shouts came from the control room. Shiganshina was gone. Trost was next. Mitras would follow.
They had maybe two minutes left to live.
"And Mikasa?" Sasha whispered.
His face almost broke. "She's gone."
Sasha put her arms around him. She buried her face in his shoulder. Jean hugged her back. They could have gone through the motions, pretended a last minute plan was still possible. Jean was good at getting people motivated. But he had no motivation left for himself.
She was gone.
And even though he'd join her soon, Jean was miserable. Because if there was an afterlife, she would be at Eren's side. Forever and always. Jean and Mikasa were never meant to be. Their lovemaking had been an aberration in destiny's plan.
One night was all he'd ever get.
He made his peace with that, and hugged Sasha tighter.
"Mikasa," he whispered, just to have her name on his lips one last time. Sasha gave a guttural sob.
"When Mommy gets home, she's going to put you both in time out." Niccolo wrangled little Mika as she toddled towards the stove. She always wanted to eat; she was her mother's daughter. "Luca! Not on the furniture!"
He swiped his son in the other arm. The two children babbled at each other as Niccolo gazed out the living room window. Where the hell was Sasha? She'd called to tell him she was stuck at the barracks another couple days. But Niccolo had called this afternoon, and no one had answered.
His gut felt wrong. He saw a light in the sky, and frowned. Pretty bright for a star.
"You two." He kissed Mika's cheek and slung Luca over his shoulder. "Let's get ready for—"
In half a second, the three of them were gone. As was their house, and their city.
"Fuck," Levi snarled. He ran as fast as he could go while letting his kids stay near him. At least Oruo's awakening had given him the Ackerman speed. They raced across the lawn towards the titan pits, but…
No.
The lightning flared all around him.
IN THE SKY.
He glanced upwards, and saw a bright light.
They had less than thirty seconds.
The bunker door was almost a minute away.
I will not let them die. I will not let them fucking die.
"Run!" he bellowed. "Kuchel, Oruo, run as fast as you can!"
The three of them put on a burst of speed. The wind stung his cheeks as he fled through the forest. His heart pounded. His breath was strained. Almost there. Almost. Almost.
But the yellow lightning nestled at the base of his neck.
TOO LATE.
It was calm. Almost cold.
"No!" Levi screamed as the—
He fell into a pile of sand. Gasping, Levi sat up and found himself in a world of night. Sand was everywhere. He looked around in shock.
"Kids?"
"Papa!" Kuchel bounded over to him, as did Oruo. Armin cuddled against Levi, whimpering. They were all here. Thank fuck.
Levi shut his eyes.
They were dead. In PATHs. At least it'd been quick. No pain. Though this seemed more hell than heaven. He tried to imagine an eternity in this sterile place.
And then…
"Levi!"
It was her voice.
Levi turned to see Petra racing towards him across the starlit dunes.
The purgatory became a paradise.
"Mommy!" Oruo shrieked. He ran to her, sobbing his heart out. Petra caught up her son and hushed him, devoured his face with kisses. Levi had never seen Oruo weep like this. He hugged his mother and squashed his tear-stained cheek against hers. He sobbed as much out of relief as fear.
"Mama!" Kuchel went to her, as did Armin. Levi could only stand there and stare.
This was heaven. An eternity with Petra and their children could only be a good thing. He adored her with his eyes. But he was also so damn ashamed; she'd entrusted him with their kids, and he'd been unable to save them. He almost turned away.
"Levi!"
Petra put down Oruo, though he clung to her dress, and rushed over to her husband. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deep and full on the lips. Levi's hands trembled as he touched her waist. She was real; she had substance. He tasted her strawberry lip gloss. He felt her breath.
"Pet. I…" he whispered when they pulled apart.
Petra looked horrified as his vision blurred. He did not believe in fucking crying, but between the guilt over the kids and the rapture of seeing her again when he believed they'd parted for a lifetime, he wept. Not big gasping sobs or anything. Just silent tears.
"Fuck, baby. Oh fuck," he said, capturing her mouth again. She responded eagerly, and he saw that she was on the verge of tears, too.
"I love you so much." She kissed his cheek. "I'm so proud of you."
He looked down. "You shouldn't be. It's my fault."
She frowned. "What is?"
"I failed you. I failed the kids. I tried to save them from the bomb, but it got us." He winced in pain at revealing his own ineptitude. "I'm sorry. Fuck."
"Levi, we're not dead."
Now he was confused. Seriously confused. "Hell do you mean? We're in PATHs."
"Because I summoned us all here with the Founder's power," she replied.
Levi blinked slowly. "Uh. What?"
"When I was a pure titan, Historia and Inga fed Connie to me. I'm the Founding Titan now." She gave a weak smile. "Along with the Attack and Armor. So. Don't mess with me." He felt dizzy. Maybe he needed to sit down. Lie down. "Then Historia transformed into a pure titan. We touched, and I brought us all here."
"That's about all of it," Eren Jaeger said what the fucking fuck was Eren Jaeger doing here?
"Fuck!" Levi instinctively pulled his family away from the calm young man. Eren hadn't changed in the years he'd been dead. What a fucking statement. He still looked smooth and world weary. Goddamn teenagers. Or twenty-somethings. The resurrected young man stood with hands in his coat pockets, his long hair lying against his shoulders. There was no night breeze in this dead world. The air was still. "Where did you…? How did you…?"
"I asked Ymir the Founder to rebuild him," Historia said. She was seated on the ground and looked about eighty years old.
"Okay. What?" Levi kept blinking. He looked between elderly Historia and newly not-dead Eren. "In the… What?"
"Baby." Petra kissed him. "We'll explain. I promise."
"Ymir the Founder?" He felt hollow. Levi stared as a ragged little girl wandered past like a zombie. She just circled around and around, paying attention to nothing and no one.
"How about Historia stays with the kids and you, Eren, and I have a quick talk," Petra whispered. Yeah. The children looked pretty weirded out by all this. Which was fair.
"Think it'll have to be more than quick," Levi muttered. They were going to have a lot of shit to talk about.
Petra had been afraid that being in PATHs meant Levi would be a ghostly projection, but he was warm flesh and blood in her embrace. She could smell the night air and the forest on his skin. She kissed his cheek and ran the bridge of her nose up and down his jaw, just to feel the reality of him.
"Tch. Brat." He kissed her forehead. She, Levi, and Eren stood a good distance away. Petra saw Armin seated beside Historia, showing her his tiger. Oruo trotted after Ymir, asking her questions that she did not answer. Kuchel tried wrangling her brother.
Her babies were safe. They were all together. That was enough.
"Okay." She hugged Levi around the waist. "Eren. What do we do now?"
"We stop the hyperfusion bombs," he said, "and finish the time loop."
"The what?" Levi's brow cleared. "Oh, shit. You mean that fruity time and space stuff Petra told me about was real?"
"I'm afraid so."
Petra nodded. If Eren didn't find his father and convince him to steal the Founder, reality itself would fall apart. "So how do we do this? Do I touch you?"
Eren just gazed flatly at them. He stared at his feet, which were bare against the sand. He sighed.
"What?" Levi was sharp and to the point. "Spit it out. I don't wanna hang around here longer than I have to."
"Right now, the time loop isn't the main issue. It's the world."
"The hyperfusion attack?" Petra asked. "How can we stop it?"
"That's it." Eren shrugged. "You can't. The world is ending."
She waited for him to continue, to say 'unless we…' But that was all Eren would give her.
"So. How do we save it?" She tried not to sound irritated.
"We can't. That is, we can't save this version of it." Eren gazed back at the tree of light. "By now, most of Paradis has been destroyed. The bomb will touch down in Mitras in under two seconds. Erwin's cruisers are unloading their cargo and torching as much of the world as they can. It's the apocalypse. The world is over."
Petra began to sink to the ground. Levi held her up.
"Then what the fuck do you want us to do?" Levi snapped.
"Something that only the two of you can do," Eren replied. "We need to reset the timeline."
"Reset the…?" Petra felt dizzy. "What do you mean?"
Eren took a deep breath. He shut his eyes. "I mean that this current timeline leads to total annihilation. We need to go back to the original timeline. When you died in the forest, Petra. When Levi chose Erwin in Shiganshina."
Kuchel jumped when Papa lunge punched Eren in the face. She rushed for the grown ups.
"Mama? Papa?" she called.
"Stay back!" Mama came over, shaking her head. "It's okay, sweetie. Papa's just a little scared right now. It'll be fine."
But Papa never got scared. Kuchel was worried as she saw Eren shove her Papa off. Papa sank to his knees. Kuchel didn't want to cry, but this was freaky.
"What're you guys talking about?" she asked.
Mama hugged and kissed her. "We're just working out what to do. That's all."
Mama wouldn't let her go. She just squeezed tighter. Kuchel wriggled, uncomfortable with all the soppy baby stuff.
"Mamaaaa, come on."
Petra kissed her cheek again. "I'm just so glad to be your Mama," she whispered. "You are everything to me."
Kuchel frowned. Mama sounded kind of upset.
Then Mama turned and went back to Eren and Papa. Kuchel wanted to follow, but she backed away to sit with Historia and her brothers.
She found that in some dark, frightened part of her, she didn't want to know what they were discussing.
"No," Levi growled. He breathed heavily; it felt like a titan was sitting on his chest. Petra put her arms around him, and he held her tight. He would not let her go. Never. "Find some other way."
"It's gone too far." Eren looked exhausted, despite having been dead for years. "There's no way to save yourselves, or anyone else."
"I am not going to erase my own children from fucking existence." Levi felt spittle fleck his lips. He was a mad dog. He would defend his wife and children from anything. Everything. He was an Ackerman; he could do whatever it took.
"Levi." Petra whispered his name, kissed him. He could feel it in her kiss, the hesitation.
The acceptance.
"Don't you dare," he growled. He pressed her tight to him. "You're mine. You and the kids are all I've got left." He felt himself begin to choke, but shoved the emotion down. "Eren, figure out some of that PATHs magic bullshit. Just take the Founder powers and fix everything!"
"I can't do that," he said. "Petra's the Founder now. I can help guide you, but I can't change anything."
"I remember when you were a snot-nosed brat who was ready to fight the whole fuckin' world," Levi snarled. He grabbed the young man by his collar. Eren was almost a foot taller than him at this point, but Levi pulled him down to eye level. "Now you tell me you give up?"
"The other timeline's going to be rough." Eren looked at him with a lot of compassion. Like he had sympathy. Fuck him. "But the world will still be there at the end. It's an improvement."
"You just want that fucking friend of yours back," Levi croaked.
Eren curled his lip in anger. "I'm not ending the fucking world to save Armin. But you're ready to end everything for your family."
Levi wanted to kick him in the face, break his jaw for old time's sake.
"Stop!" Petra cried. "I can't think with all this. Fuck." She covered her eyes with her hands. Levi held her tight. She was warm. Her hair smelled of lavender. He heard the shaky hush of her breathing. She was a real, living woman, and he'd keep her that way.
"I can show you," Eren said. "Prove it."
"How?" Levi growled.
"Give me a minute."
Eren walked away and spoke with Historia. A few minutes later, they both came over to the Ackermans.
"The kids—" Petra said.
"They can't get hurt or go anywhere." Historia looked weary. Then again, she also looked old. "Petra and I need to make contact. Eren and Levi, you touch both of us."
"What are we doing?" Petra asked.
"We're going into your memories, Petra." The four of them grouped close together. "Just clear your mind."
None of this made any fucking sense. But then, Historia had spent eons here, supposedly. She knew how this shit worked by now.
Together, Historia touched her forehead to Petra's. And—
"What the fuck?" Levi croaked. The four of them were cramped in a tinyass room.
And they weren't the only ones who were here.
Levi stared at himself, over a decade younger. He was wearing a kerchief over his hair for cleaning, and in his arms he held Kuchel. Newborn Kuchel.
Levi stood right next to his old self while he adored his tiny daughter. Levi gazed down at the bundle and saw Kuchel's little face with her adorable furrowed brow. Her little grunts.
He lost his heart all over again.
My little baby. Unthinking, he reached to touch her. His fingertips melted through her skin.
"You can't touch anyone here," Eren said. He and Historia were pressed against the bedroom wall, watching Ilsa wash Petra and put her nightgown back on. "These are memories. Petra's memories."
"I thought you said we could interact with them." Petra sounded dazed. She was also staring at her younger self. Just a girl, rosy-cheeked, a new mother. Levi took his wife in his arms, held her close as they watched young Levi sit on the bed with Petra as Kuchel nursed. His heart fractured. This had been one of the few perfect moments of his life. He couldn't give it up. Ever.
"I was able to interact with my father," Eren said to her. "But that took enormous amounts of effort. The best you can do otherwise is to seem like a stray thought in somebody's mind. Watch." Eren leaned close to young Levi's ear and spoke. "She was supposed to die," he hissed. "You fucked up the future."
Levi felt like he'd been punched in the mouth. He stared at his younger self, oblivious to Eren's comment. Levi remembered "thinking" those words in Eren's voice so long ago.
And now…
"It was you," he whispered, feeling dizzy.
Levi realized that right now, as his younger self lay on the bed with his wife and daughter twelve years in the past, his older self had been watching, invisible. A ghost.
Eren looked dead. His extraordinary green eyes were flat. Historia came forward, took Petra's wrist.
"Come on," the queen said. "Where would you like to go next?"
Levi couldn't stop staring at baby Kuchel asleep. He wanted to pick her up all over again. He wanted to stay in this room forever, adoring the infant. He could not bear to be parted from even the memory of this moment.
Give it up altogether? Fuck that.
"Wait a minute," Petra said. She looked almost frantic. "You said I could visit other Attack holders' memories, right?"
"Yes," Eren said.
"Then take me to that moment with Grisha in the Reiss cavern. The moment when you told him to steal the Founder." His wife looked dizzy. Levi held her tight. "That way, I can at least close this stupid time loop."
Eren and Historia exchanged glances. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?" she snapped.
"I just don't think it'll work," Historia said. "In the original timeline, Grisha saw Eren. His son. Eren was guiding him. Ordering him to do things. Grisha has no idea who you are. It'll be easy for him to ignore you."
"Can't we at least try?" Levi growled. "You two like walking around talking doom and gloom bullshit. Why can't we just try?"
Eren shrugged. "I suppose you're right."
"Damn right I'm right." But Levi didn't take his eyes off of Kuchel until the moment that the room around them disappeared. Historia and Eren led them both out of the bedroom door. But they didn't emerge into the farmhouse.
They entered a titanic, glowing chamber Levi had seen once before.
It was the Reiss family underground cathedral, several stories high, upheld by the most indescribably beautiful pillars of crystal and light. This had been where Kenny sustained his mortal injuries. Where Eren had used his hardening power for the first time.
Unlike the last time he'd seen it, the 'chapel' was intact. And they had company.
Directly ahead stood Rod Reiss, that fucker, along with a woman and a bunch of kids. A young black-hared girl with violet eyes stood protectively in front of her family.
Frieda Reiss. The Founding Titan.
She'd eaten King Uri. Levi's father. Levi wondered if he could see his old man in the woman's eyes, then realized he didn't give a shit one way or the other.
And standing before the family, wearing a panicked expression was Grisha Jaeger. The doctor looked more like Zeke than Eren, poor guy. He had longish dark hair and a wispy goatee. Levi realized also that Grisha's eyes were more mournful than either of his son's.
"King of the Walls!" Grisha cried, speaking to Frieda. "You must kill the attacking titans at once!"
Right. Shit. This was the day Wall Maria fell. Levi winced. Your wife's probably already dead, you poor bastard. He glanced at Petra, slipped his arm around her. She was in his arms, where she'd stay.
Frieda Reiss, meanwhile, looked a little sad. But then a cold deadness appeared in her eyes.
"We cannot escape our sins," the Founder said. "The time has come for the Subjects of Ymir to face judgment."
Eren made a noise. His face was twisted in an expression of cold fury.
Historia, meanwhile, gazed at the black-haired girl with tears rolling down her withered cheeks.
Frieda and Grisha kept yelling at each other for a few minutes, Grisha arguing that the royals had done a shit thing to other Paradisians by removing their memories, Frieda claiming that Eldians should die in order to atone for their sins. In his heart, Levi felt himself growing furious with the Founder. He knew Eldians had done terrible things in the past. They'd conquered other nations, forced them to adopt their culture and breed with them. They'd murdered millions in their quest for power. But the people who lived behind these walls had never done any of that shit. It was reasonable to ask Eldians to acknowledge their civilization's past and to accept the darkness in their history. It was completely unreasonable to insist that they debase themselves and live in perpetual guilt and shame for crimes they never committed.
This factioned bullshit, this slotting everyone into categories based on their birth instead of their choices, would only ever lead to misery and destruction. As it had already done.
Levi watched as Frieda continued to deny Grisha's request. Then he watched Grisha pull his 'Attack Titan' card. Explain its drive for freedom and its ability to see the future.
"I will eat the Founder here!" Grisha pulled out a scalpel. "And end the royal bloodline!"
Levi's heart seized as he watched the kids start to scream in fear and scatter. A couple of them were only a little older than Oruo.
Petra noticed as well. She winced. Grisha raised his scalpel to cut his hand and transform…
"Here we go," Eren whispered.
Petra tensed.
Grisha dropped the scalpel, which pinged on the crystal floor. He slumped to his knees.
"I can't," the doctor croaked. "I could never kill children. I…" The man's voice was choked with tears. "I am a doctor. I save lives…"
Levi looked at Eren, who regarded his father's memory with hooded eyes. Even now, even after he'd renounced all thought of the Rumbling, this Eren still sneered at his old man's weakness.
Levi loved Eren, but in that moment he hated him a little. Damn it, he wanted to put a hand on Grisha's shoulder and tell him it was all right. No one should murder a child.
But… But they needed Grisha to murder all these kids, didn't they?
Levi felt paralyzed.
"You're up," Eren said to Petra. He ushered her towards Grisha's slumped figure. Meanwhile, the family was shouting at Frieda to transform and kill Grisha, but she hesitated. The girl was delicate and beautiful, and in her heart she was gentle. She had to know, even if the Founder was controlling her, that Grisha had a point. "Tell him now," Eren said to Petra. He had her kneel beside Grisha. "Tell him to kill them."
"I…" Petra's voice faltered. "Dr. Jaeger? Please…"
"Harder," Eren snapped. Levi started to go for the boy, but Historia stopped him. She was crying hard now, face turned away from Frieda. Yes. Frieda had been Historia's only comfort in her childhood. God, why was everything so fucked up?
"You have to kill them." Petra struggled to make her voice tough. "You…you have to do this. For Eren. Please."
"Hmm?" Grisha blinked, glanced Petra's way. He seemed to forget her in the next moment.
"Listen to me!" Petra shouted. "You have to kill them and take the Founder! If you don't, the world will end! Hey!"
But even as her voice pitched higher and angrier, Grisha didn't seem to hear her. Levi winced as lightning flashed up ahead, and Frieda took on her titan's form. Growling, the monster moved to eat Grisha.
"Let's go," Eren said dully. "It didn't work."
"But…" Petra looked stupefied as Levi held her close, and the crystal cavern melted around them.
Next, they tried one of Eren's memories.
Levi was back in Shiganshina, standing atop the roof alongside Eren and Mikasa and the other kids. In the distance, Levi saw himself preparing the titan injection. Getting ready to give it to Erwin.
He froze as he saw the Commander, lying there in his death throes. Erwin, mumbling nonsense at the sky, at peace. Finally, at peace.
And then Levi took it from him.
Petra pointed at Levi. "If I can convince Levi to inject Armin instead, I can fix it all. Can't I?" She sounded desperate. "Eren, can't I? Then you'll eventually touch Zeke and I don't have to…"
Levi almost screamed with insane joy at the thought. He would not have to lose her. Levi clutched his wife to his chest. He would never let her go.
"Understand, Petra. Even if you could alter this moment in time, it'd be like a pebble thrown in a pond. The water will ripple, changing things." Eren sounded tired. "It's almost impossible that you and Levi will have Kuchel and Oruo again. Any change in timing, and you'll have different children altogether. Or not at all."
"No," Levi growled. He stomped past teenage Eren and nearly threw adult Eren off the roof. The young man regarded Levi with those old, old eyes. "How do we fix that?"
"We don't," Historia said softly.
Petra sobbed and fell to her knees. She shook her head over and over.
"I can't. I can't," she whispered. Levi sat with her, held her close. "I can't live without my babies."
I can't live without you. Levi felt like he was being eaten in small bites by some invisible demon.
"I don't want to be alive without them," she said. Levi kissed her, pressed her close. He had to find a way around this.
"So that's it?" he croaked. "I'm supposed to lose all three of you?"
"You won't remember us," she murmured. Now that really scared the shit out of him, because it sounded like she'd accepted this nonsense.
"You think that'll make me happy?" he barked.
"We weren't supposed to be happy," she whispered.
No. He wasn't supposed to be happy. Taking Petra for his wife, becoming a father, living with in laws and birthday parties and sex and family photos was meant for other men. Not Levi Ackerman.
"So that's it? I'm supposed to be some used-up, shitty husk of a man?"
Without Petra or Erwin, without his children, what would he become in a post-Shiganshina world? He could see it already. A man of violence, with nothing to go home to. A man filled with hate, and regret.
No. Levi bared his teeth. Better the world end and the universe rip apart.
He had given everything. He had given his blood and his sweat to humanity and to Paradis. He was tired of giving.
The world could not ask this sacrifice of him.
The bill's due. He recalled that dream he'd had with Kenny and Zeke in the kitchen. The warning they'd imparted. What had Kenny said? Be a man. Do what you have to.
No. Fuck that. It'd just been a shitty dream. After all, what could he himself do? He wasn't the Founder?
"What's even the point of this? Huh?" Levi stood and faced Eren. He gestured to the burning world around them. "We can't change anything here! You said it yourself, Petra doesn't have the force of will for this."
"She doesn't," Eren said. "But you do."
Petra should have thought of it herself. She sat on the roof amid the ghosts of crying children and looked back at her husband and at Eren. Levi stuttered, trying to piece together an argument.
"Bullshit," was all he came up with. "How would that even work? I'm not the Founder. I can't even become a titan. Maybe I have Reiss blood in me, but it's useless with the awakened Ackerman genes or whatever."
"Yes. You're an Ackerman." Eren put his hands in his pockets. He looked disarmingly young when he did that. "The Founder can't control you. You make your own way."
Yes. Petra understood. The Attack Titan and the Ackermans were the two types of Eldian life that the Founder had no power over. She looked again at Levi's younger self on that rooftop, readying the injection. Preparing to decide the fate of the universe.
"So he can order any of us around?" she asked dully.
"No. But Ackermans have full control of themselves." Eren came to stand beside her, pushing past a flustered Levi. "Not to mention the fact that the captain has the strongest will of any of us. Maybe even me." Petra noted Eren slipping back into addressing Levi by his role. Some instincts never left, no matter how much older or wiser we became.
"Could he change his own mind?" She pointed at the scene of Levi, Armin, Erwin, and Bertholdt.
"If I do, the kids could vanish. Who knows what the fuck the world'll look like," Levi snapped.
"If you don't," Eren said, "the kids will vanish. And the world won't look like anything. Because it won't exist. None of us will."
Petra was already trying to resolve it inside her head.
She could not have it all. There was no way to win back everything they'd lost.
She looked up and saw that Levi and Eren had somehow materialized on the other roof. Levi was crouched next to his old self, shouting in the younger man's ear. She stared at her husband as he had been. Petra hadn't gone to Shiganshina. She couldn't have imagined the devastation all around her, the houses blown to cinder and debris.
She hadn't imagined how tired Levi might look.
He sat there, deciding between an innocent boy and his best friend. This was where he had changed his decision to save Armin.
He'd altered history for Petra and their baby.
Petra sank down to the roof. Historia sat beside her.
"I didn't know what it'd be like," the queen said softly.
Petra gazed at the weeping kids around her, the shades of memory. "Me neither."
Then she heard a furious cry echo over the rooftops. Petra looked up to find her Levi suddenly standing next to her again, bent over, hands on his knees. He swore as, in the distance, a bolt of orange lightning crackled and Erwin's titan manifested. Petra winced as she watched Erwin pick up a screaming Bertholdt. She looked away when the titan bit the boy's head, cracking his skull like an egg.
"I can't," Levi rasped. "I'm too much of a stubborn son of a bitch. I can't do it."
"That's partly right," Eren said. He'd also materialized over here. Being phantoms of themselves, they could go anywhere and everywhere. "Right now, you're in love with Petra. You're expecting a baby with her. Nothing on earth can change your mind. You have to do it sooner."
"I gotta tell my old self to choose Armin, when? Right after we fucked for the first time?"
"No." Petra felt truly numb as she sidled close to him. The whole, ugly truth laid itself out before her. "We have to stop the relationship altogether. Don't we, Eren?"
"Like I said." The boy sounded weary. "I've seen it all."
"No."
Levi stood, but now they weren't on the roof in Shiganshina. Petra gasped.
They were outside of Lord Morgentsern's mansion. Snow fell, blanketing the ground. Carriages pulled up, and women in ball gowns descended onto the ground.
"It's the midwinter ball," Petra said. She felt so distant from her body.
Levi grunted as he watched his former self catch a younger Petra when she stepped out of the coach. Even now, she could recall the way the touch of his hand had burned her. She'd felt so light and airy from a mere moment in his arms.
"It's the night we got together." He sounded disbelieving.
"This," Eren said, "is the time to stop yourself from going forward."
Levi shook his head, paced back and forth across the snow. He left no footprints. It was eerie.
"The whole night's a blur," he snapped. Petra could tell instantly that wasn't true. Like her, he recalled every detail.
"The moment in the trees," she said. To Eren and Historia, "We were running from the Military Police—it's a long story. The cap—Levi had ODM, and he took us into a tree to wait until the soldiers passed." Even now, she could feel how her heart had raced when he began to tell her how special she was to him. His favorite subordinate. It had been like midwinter morning and the beginning of summer break all in one. It had been like awakening into a perfect dream. The only moments that could match it were the births of her children. "We talked. He told me how he felt. We kissed."
Historia stood beside Levi, a sympathetic hand on his arm. Petra recalled talk of a girl, Ymir. The girl Historia had loved and lost.
Yes. Historia would understand this better than anyone.
"That's it." Eren had never sounded quite so gentle. "You need to stop that moment from happening. If you do, the rest of the original timeline slips into place."
"And she dies." Levi sneered. "And we're never together."
"You have a few weeks. When you took me to that remote castle? That's where you came together for a little while."
"But the kids are never born." Levi moved sluggishly now. The weight and reality of all this was pressing down upon him. "Kuchel. And Oruo. My babies are never born."
"No." Eren did not try to touch Levi. He was smart enough not to. "And Petra as you know her here will vanish as well."
"I'm not going to do it."
"Levi," Petra whispered. She tried to touch his face, but he pulled away from her.
"Don't tell me you're buying into this bullshit." He looked betrayed.
"What else are we supposed to do?" Petra didn't wail or cry or scream. He was being too emotional now; she had to be the stronger person, even as it killed her. Literally and figuratively. "Tell me, sweetheart. How do we stop the bombs from going off and time from unraveling without this?"
"We figure it out," he snarled. "We've got all the time in the world in this place. We can figure it out!"
"But we can't. Can we?" She turned back to Eren.
"I spent almost a year searching the past and future with Historia," the boy said. "In all that time, only a few scenarios offered humanity a way forward. If there was another way, I'd have found it."
"Look again." Levi grabbed the tall young man by his collar and threw him to the ground. "Find a way!"
"Why do you think I spent a year looking?" Rage glittered in Eren's eyes. At last, his façade was starting to crack. "I didn't want this to be! God help me, Petra, but if you'd let me inject Kuchel that night none of this would have happened."
"I'll fucking kill you." Levi put his hands to Eren's throat and tried to choke the life out of him. Her husband was a beast, the monster he'd been underground. Eren didn't panic; he wasn't in pain. They couldn't physically hurt in this place.
"Levi." Petra touched his wrist; she swore she could feel him trembling. "Let's take a walk."
"Where?" He glowered at her. "I'm not doing this, Petra."
"Okay." She kissed his cheek. She had to soothe him first, or it would never work. "We can go anywhere, can't we?" She looked to Historia.
"Anywhere in your memories, Petra. Now that I've brought you here, you can do it yourself. Eren and I can wait right here for you."
"Okay?" Petra whispered.
Slowly, Levi eased his grip. He let Eren go.
"Where do we go, then?" he muttered.
Petra thought about it.
"Come with me." She took his hand in hers. Even though Historia didn't explain it, an instinct told Petra to simply move and the scenery would change. She and her husband walked off, and the snow disappeared.
The streets of Calaneth materialized around them. The crowds were packed close together, but she and Levi made their way through with ease. This was the place of Petra's youth. The outfits were different, long dresses and skirts, roughspun shirts and wool jackets. The crowd watched as a procession strolled through the main boulevard.
"What's this?" Levi asked. Petra pointed.
"There."
She smiled when her husband saw himself. It was him as a young man, still in his twenties. His face was smoother than ever, his frown intractable. Older Levi scoffed to see his younger counterpart.
"Damn. I really do have a shitty baby face." He sulked. Petra giggled and nuzzled his cheek. That brought a smile to his lips. They wrapped their arms about each other and watched Humanity's Strongest ride by on his horse. Here in Levi's arms, her happiness was complete. "Why're we here?"
"This is the first time I saw you. There." She looked to the left and found herself as a young girl. God, she really had been a child, only fifteen. A moon-faced adolescent with big, bright eyes and no bad memories. Petra smiled to watch her child self regard Captain Levi with adoring rapture.
"That you?" he croaked. Levi watched the girl she'd been with softness. "Fuck, Pet. You were always so beautiful."
"This was the moment my whole life changed." She'd been prepared to work at her father's stall, to eventually marry Oruo, to raise a family in Calaneth. And then… "I saw the most gorgeous man I'd ever laid eyes on."
"Tch. No accounting for taste." But he looked so gentle and even joyful as he watched teenage her. The girl clasped her hands to her chest, the picture of youthful infatuation. A light blush tinged his cheeks.
"You were all I could think about the rest of the day. Not just how handsome you were. I dreamed about riding alongside you, wearing the Wings of Freedom, too. It seemed like adventure would always find me if I was with you." She kissed his cheek. "I was right."
"I given you a good life, brat?" He spoke softly, so shy that her heart melted.
"You've given me the best of everything." They kissed as the crowds disappeared. Petra took his hand and led him forward into the living room of her childhood house. "I don't think any woman's ever been happier."
"Liar." But he adored her with his eyes. "You're the perfect woman. It's easy to be good to the perfect woman."
She was the one person he melted for. His icy façade could never hold for long when she was with him. Petra touched his cheek. She saw the weathered lines in his face, but they only made her love him more. Young or old, sick or well, strong or weak, she would love him forever because he was Levi. Everything about him was worth loving, both good and bad things.
"I knew that I could never go back to the girl I was before I saw you." She looked down at her younger self laid out upon the floor, gazing at the ceiling with a smile on her lips. Petra remembered how she'd spent all afternoon alone in the house, thinking of him over and over again. "I've had everything I ever wanted. Not many people get to say the same."
"You don't have to give it up." He looked down at her teenage self and avoided her eyes.
"Levi." She held his cheek, kissed him. "You know I do."
"I'm tired of this shit. I want to go back to the kids." He paced away from her, but he could not move around in this world. Only she could do that.
So Petra took him to another memory.
He looked around in slight shock as the scene changed to a beach in Valle. This was a recent memory, only last summer. The sky was bright blue, and seagulls cawed amid the crash of waves on the shore. Petra swore she could smell the salt and the nearby cotton candy. Tears pricked her eyes. This was one of her happiest memories.
The last normal beach day they'd had as a family.
She watched Kuchel chase Oruo across the surf, giggling when she caught her little brother and spun him around. Oruo kicked and snarled, irritated as always to be flung around like a doll.
"Last July," Levi said dreamily. She put an arm through his.
"A few days later, we took the boat to Paradis." And then the war began soon after. Their lives had been thrown into turmoil. "But all that was in the future."
She and Levi, a year younger, were seated beneath an umbrella. Petra was in a beach chair happily reading a book; Levi kept applying more sunscreen to his face and arms, scowling at a seagull as it tried to snag a sandwich from their basket. Older Petra sat on the ground with Levi beside her, and they watched their memories. Her husband's face lit up when the children came running over, laughing freely. A dripping Kuchel sat down and laid some seashells on the blanket. Oruo grabbed one of his toy soldiers and began shooting at a gull. The bird regarded him with blank eyes.
"This was perfect," Levi said softly.
Oruo laughed when Petra grabbed him and pulled him onto her lap. He cuddled against her. Levi and Kuchel sorted the shells.
Petra stared at herself and her children. Her happy, relaxed husband.
She had to give them all up.
The pain threatened to rupture her. She put her hands over her eyes and fought the tears.
Why? What did we do that was so wrong? We just loved each other. We just wanted a family. Was that evil?
But in this world, love itself was an act of defiance. A world that held titans had no mercy for soft, fragile things.
"You brought me here to make me change my mind?" Levi muttered. "Bad idea. I'll never change."
"Levi…"
"No. Almost from the second I was born, I was miserable. My mother died. Kenny beat the shit out of me and abandoned me. I starved, I fought, I killed. I lost my friends. I lost my comrades. I lost Erwin, and Hange. The only good thing I ever had was you and the kids." He scowled. "You're not even asking me to lose you. That'd be bad enough. But you want me to forget you ever existed. If we change the timeline, you and the kids and everyone else these last thirteen years, they all vanish like smoke. Erased from existence. I couldn't…" His voice sounded choked. "Even if there's something after death, you wouldn't be there. I could never find you again." She kissed his cheek again and again. She let him hold her close. His words cut her like knives. "I can't spend an eternity without you all. I'd rather be erased, too. And even if the me I am now—fuck, this is complicated—even if the me now got erased, too, I don't want to be anything else!" He sneered. "I'm a soft fuck. I'm not the bruiser I was. I got a family. I got you. The man who could do anything without regret died a long time ago."
"I…" She openly wept now, but didn't stop herself. "I need you to be that man again."
"I can't. I won't," he growled. He gripped her by the arms. "How can you even say this? Huh? How can you be like this?"
He was starting to shout. The memories continued around them, oblivious of their presence.
"Look around," she whispered. She took them all in, the children playing, the people at the hot dog stand, the birds and the lovers cuddling beneath umbrellas, the teenagers laughing as they played a game and danced to music. "If we don't do this, they all stop existing. The world as we know it goes away forever. I don't even understand how it would work, but there would just be…nothing."
"Then let it all end." That was not Levi's voice. Those miserable, rabid eyes were not his. "Why do I have to be the one who gives everything up? Who loses everything for them?"
"Levi." She felt dizzy.
"I'm tired of being the one in the shit. I'm tired of putting everyone else before my family! Before myself!" He got up and looked at the people around him with something she'd never seen from him before. Pure, acidic disdain. "Fuck all these people. Fuck this world!"
"Levi, stop!"
She got up and threw her arms around him. Seeing him like this, consumed by his anger and hatred, it broke her. She hugged him so tight. Gradually, he returned her embrace.
"Petra. Don't make me do this."
His voice was now so soft. So lost. She felt him tremble. She kissed him and kissed him.
"Think about the people just like us with families. The ones who love each other and their children so much." She kissed his forehead. "They'd all stop existing, too. They'd be gone forever, too. It's not fair."
"It doesn't have to be. This is my choice, and I won't do it," Levi snapped.
She pressed her forehead to his. They breathed together for a minute.
"You have made me the happiest woman in the world," she whispered. Her lips trembled, but she got the next sentence out. "If you do this, though, you'll break my heart."
"Don't pull that shit." He stepped away from her. "This is so much easier for you, isn't it?"
She exploded.
"How the hell can you say that?" she barked. The intensity took him by surprise. "Do you have any idea how scared I am? My whole heart is breaking! Every piece of me is in pain! I want to die, but I'm terrified to! And my babies…and you…" She suppressed a wail. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I hate everyone here so, so much! Because I don't want to think about them! Only you. You and the kids are the only people I can't live without. I'm breaking apart." She sank to her knees in the sand, bent over. Surrounded by all the happiness she could never have again, Petra felt herself going insane.
Levi knelt before her. He held her close.
"I'm sorry, baby." He kissed her. "I'm sorry."
"No. I'm sorry." She wept. "I'm sorry you have to do this. I'm sorry that everything keeps falling on you."
They stared into each other's eyes. Finally, his stony expression melted. Tears formed in his eyes. He fought them back, but lost.
"I love you so fucking much," he choked.
God, she adored him. Every inch of him. She kissed the tip of his nose, his forehead. She pressed him close to her heart.
"We had our time together." Petra stifled a sob; she had to get through this. "We weren't supposed to have that time, but we got it. I guess nothing perfect can last."
Levi gave a low, moaning wail. He roared his pain, her clinging to him. They rocked back and forth in the sand. Petra felt all the ugliness inside of her splinter apart, and she sobbed. There was no one around to see them. They were alone in a memory. Together, they wept. They cried and held each other. Levi was finally, utterly free. She had never seen him this undone. They kissed, and cried, and held each other.
Hours passed. Eventually they both calmed down. Eventually they lay in the sand holding each other. He didn't even care about getting dirty. Well, nothing here could touch them, after all.
It was a world of make believe.
"We don't have to do it right away," she whispered. "We have a lot of time. We can take it."
"The kids, though."
"I think…this'll sound strange, but I think that in the PATHs world, we haven't been gone that long."
"How do you know?"
"A feeling. The Founder tells me that, I guess." She sniffed. "All this time we've been here has only been a few seconds in PATHs."
"Sort of like how PATHS works in the real world? Shit, this is complicated," he grumbled. She stood, and took his hand.
"We have time." She hugged him tightly when he stood. "We can go anywhere."
"Okay." He sniffed. "Yeah."
Hand in hand, she took him to their wedding day. They laughed at his bumbling, how clearly adoration had been written on his face. Levi gazed at her in her pure white dress, and looked lost.
They returned to their Valle apartment and watched the family gather at Petra's bedside when Oruo was born. Levi smiled at the squashed, irritable face of his baby son. They revisited the Amalfia rooftop on the night of Petra's birthday. They looked in on family vacations to Liberio and the mountains. Levi was even fine with revisiting the farmhouse in the first week or so after Armin's birth.
"He was such a cute, sweet little kid." Her husband looked on her son with real tenderness. Petra had the world's most wonderful man.
And she would be forever parted from him. She would be gone. Her children would be gone. Erased from existence.
There's no hope of seeing him again.
How could she bear this? What kind of sick reality would deny her this good, loving man?
She cried again, and Levi held her. This time, he was gentle. Resigned.
"It's okay, baby." He kissed her.
They spent a few hours snuggled before the fire, watching the 104th kids playing with toddler Kuchel. Petra gazed at her happy memories, and knew that she was the luckiest woman who had ever lived.
And Levi would not even have these memories to keep him going.
She shivered.
But he didn't try to escape the inevitable now, and she didn't ask him to.
They spent half a day like this, wandering from golden memory to golden memory. Finally, they returned to the night of the midwinter ball.
Eren and Historia had patiently waited, like they said they would.
"Well?" Eren looked at them.
"I want to say goodbye to the kids first," Levi muttered.
Historia exhaled in relief. Eren nodded.
"Not just yet, though." Petra took her husband's hand. "One last stop."
"Take your time," Eren said.
She and her husand wandered into Morgenstern's bright halls. Petra gazed at the ballroom floor where couples waltzed. The glorious days of her youth.
"I never got to dance with you at one of these," she murmured.
He understood her. Levi led her onto the floor, where ghosts of the past waltzed.
"It's not the Marian," he said. "But it's something."
They danced, holding each other close as they did so. They danced to the cheery lilt of violins, and Petra gazed deep into Levi's eyes. They turned around the ballroom, barely noting the dead faces of friends, Hange and the squad Levi guys and Nifa and Erwin. Tonight, for the last time, she only had eyes for Levi Ackerman.
"Hey," she whispered. "I want you to know…"
"What?"
"I love you more than anything in the world." She would not have sacrificed their family or love for anything other than the entire world itself. "I don't think I can love you this much and have it all just go away forever." She would not cry. "So. I believe that somewhere out there, I'll be waiting for you. So will the kids. And I don't care how long it takes; somehow, someday, I'm going to see you again."
She couldn't stop the tears. They stopped dancing and he held her close, kissed her a thousand times. The others waltzed past, oblivious.
"I don't know a lot. I'm shit at big, sweet words," he said. "But I've loved you more than any man's ever loved a woman. Pretty sure that's accurate." He devoured her lips. "And I'm a stubborn son of a bitch." His blue-gray eyes burned into hers. "I will find you again. If it takes the rest of time, I'll find you. You can't get rid of me that easy."
She laughed. She brushed her nose against his once more. That old, affectionate gesture.
"Only you, Levi Ackerman, would consider any of this easy," she whispered.
"Tch. What can I say?" He kissed her. "I'm no ordinary guy."
On that, they were forever agreed.
Petra had been right. It seemed they'd only been gone from the PATHs world for a few seconds, tops. The kids were in the same place they'd been when he'd left. Kuchel skipped over. His baby was skipping.
He would forget her. He would never see her again.
Levi made himself stone and ice. He would not cry or sob or get uncontrollable in front of the kids. He would not give them fear and misery in their last moments.
He and Petra had agreed that they'd keep quiet. Let the kids blip out of existence without pain or fear.
Why does it have to come down to this? Why do I have to hurt like this?
At this point, Levi wasn't sure which would be worse: forgetting, or remembering.
"Everything okay?" Kuchel asked.
"Yes, sweetie." Petra hugged the girl. She hugged Kuchel so tight.
Why?
"Can we go home now?" Oruo asked. He clung to Petra's hand. Armin came over and hugged Levi, which startled him. The little boy looked up with Erwin's face and Petra's eyes. He beamed.
He trusts me. Loves me. It's so natural for him to love people.
Levi crouched down and hugged Armin tightly. To think he'd wanted the kid dead. To think he'd hated him.
I wish I could've gotten the chance to spend real time with you. I'd have taken care of you.
"Everything okay, Uncle Levi?"
"Yeah. Fine." He ruffled the boy's hair. Petra came over to Armin, who threw himself into his mother's arms with joy. At least he would not have to exist anymore, not have to miss her.
Fuck. Fuck.
"Papa? What's wrong?" Oruo frowned up at him. God, Oruo had his face and Kenny's irate expression. His tough little guy. Levi picked his son up and bounced him a bit.
"You're the toughest little man in the world."
"Yeah. I am." Oruo looked pleased. He wasn't much of a huggy kid—except with Petra, of course—but Levi's son hugged him. "Papa? When're we goin' home?"
Levi realized that Valle was gone. Oruo's home and toys were gone. Shit, his grandparents might be dead by now, too.
"Soon. Mama and I've gotta take care of one more thing with Historia, then we can go."
"And it's all gonna be fixed?"
Levi took a deep breath. "Yeah. It'll all be fixed."
You and your sister and Armin will be gone. The problem will fix itself.
He looked into his little son's face. The moment he'd held Oruo for the first time, he'd felt such fierce pride. Such a little baby had already looked so ready to take on the world. If only he could've had time to teach Oruo how to fight. And Levi would not have been like Kenny. He would not have abused or derided the boy.
You didn't need to mutilate someone to make him stronger.
Levi had learned that lesson well.
"Oi." Levi kissed the boy's cheek. "I'm so damn proud of you. Love you."
Oruo beamed. Levi set him down and he hurried over to his mother, probably ready to knock Armin aside and be cuddled. Tch. Levi smiled.
"Papa?"
Kuchel stood before him. Little girl was almost as tall as him now.
Levi pulled her close and hugged her because otherwise he'd lose it.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Are you sad about Uncle Erwin?"
I'm sad about you. I'm sad about me.
"Yeah. But it'll be okay."
At least this version of Erwin would be erased from memory and history. There was some comfort there.
Not much.
"I love you, Papa."
He wanted to say, You are my baby and will always be my baby. He wanted to say, I hated being alive. I didn't understand why I was. But the moment you were born, I realized that I wanted to live. I wanted to live so I could be your Papa.
But all he said was, "Love you, too."
"Ready?" Eren called. Levi hated him in that moment.
"You can take your time," he heard Historia murmur.
Any more time spent here and he might lose it. And then the children would be frightened.
"Yeah, coming." Levi kissed Kuchel's cheek. She smiled at him with his mother's face.
For the last time, he looked at his little girl.
Then he turned and walked away from her. Levi refused to look back.
Petra was next to him. She'd kept in control, too, but she was about to cry.
Historia touched them both.
Petra and Levi stood alone at the edge of the Morgenstern forest. They watched as the younger versions of themselves raced across the snow, headed for the trees and their destiny.
"Do you remember?" she whispered.
Levi took her hand.
"Every moment."
He knew the precise instant they had passed beyond the point of no return. They'd been in that tree, Levi talking about why he'd gone after Karl Morgenstern so hard. Because no one messed with his subordinates.
'You are all special to me,' he'd said. Then. 'But…' And then the fatal words, 'But of all my subordinates…you are my favorite.'
And then a long speech had come out of him, telling Petra how she was the sun in his world. And they had known then how they loved each other.
"This was one of the best moments of my life," she breathed. A tear streaked down her face.
"Me, too." He kissed her lips once more. "Let's go destroy it."
His heart was a lump of lead. He found himself hovering fifty feet above the ground, Petra at his side. They faced their young selves, holding each other tight above the endless fall.
Levi studied his old face. God, he'd been so in love. It was written in every gesture and emotion. How could he stop the confession from happening? How could he keep from telling Petra Ral she was his sun and earth and stars?
'You are all,' his old self said, 'special to me.'
Levi watched young Petra's face fall. She nodded, bangs falling into her eyes. She believed he meant to put her with the rest of them. Make her not special.
'Yes, sir.'
'But…'
Levi's chest seized as he watched himself on the precipice of ecstatic love. Young Petra looked quizzical. No; hopeful.
"You have to stop," his Petra whispered. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. She looked as if life were already draining out of her. But she did not break. She was steel, this one.
But of all my subordinates…you…are my favorite.
Levi had to stop those words from passing his lips. The best words of his life. The words that had given him joy and meaning and love and family.
Kill it. Stop it.
His young self opened his mouth to speak.
Levi had no idea how to do this, but he stuck his face next to his own ear and hissed.
"Don't you fucking dare. You piece of shit. Keep your fucking mouth shut."
His old self blinked; had he even heard? Maybe this was impossible. Levi felt a surge of hope at that. Then the world would end, and he would not have to be alone in his misery.
But…
'Captain?' Young Petra blinked, hope and concern clashing in her expression.
Levi's young self prepared to speak again.
Let him. Let him do it. Give him that happiness.
Levi clenched his jaw.
"You fucking scumbag!" he roared. All the bitterness in his heart, all the self-hatred, he unloaded all of it. "She's too young for you! She's too good for you! You ugly freak, who are you to think you can touch her? You'll ruin her life! You'll break up the squad! Is that what you want? Think about Erwin. Humanity needs your team to stay together. If you break this up, you can't protect her anymore!" The fucking irony, knowing that Petra would die precisely because she remained on Levi's squad. But the tears flowed, and the bile poured out. "Leave her alone! You hear me, you piece of shit? Leave! Her! Alone!"
His voice echoed in his ears. Levi watched his younger self shut down.
Yes. He had heard.
He had listened.
'Captain?' Young Petra tried once more.
Levi settled back into himself. 'Tch. Nothing, Ral. Lost my train of thought.'
She nodded, and they went back to waiting for the guys to signal for them in Morgenstern's house.
Petra, his Petra, sobbed as the memory vanished.
It was over. No turning back now.
He had done it. Restored order. Saved the universe.
Lost everything.
"How long?" he whispered. He took his wife into his arms, gazed into her eyes. Such beautiful amber eyes. The sun.
"I don't know." She held him close. "Kiss me, Levi. I love you."
"I love you," he growled, and kissed her. He kissed the sunlight on her lips and all the years they'd had together. He held her so close, tried to make it so that they melded into one person. He loved her. He loved her. He—
Levi opened his eyes. He was alone.
Where did she—?
Levi cried out when the world around him changed to blackness.
He fell. He tumbled into an endless void.
Tears streamed from his eyes as the memories flashed before him, burned away like moth wings lit by a candle flame.
And as he fell, the memories of love and children, of family and joy, were replaced by new ones.
He stood in his room at the castle. It was two in the morning, Eren and the others asleep. Petra stood before him with a tray of tea.
"Um." She held up the tray. "I brought you tea? Sir."
Levi fell through darkness. He recalled making love to his subordinate for the first time on that spring evening, when she'd brought him tea.
He recalled the few fleeting weeks of pleasure.
And then…
He flew through the titan forest, past Gunther's body and Eld's, past poor Oruo's. He found her smashed up against that tree.
He stopped and hung above her.
Petra's bloody corpse gazed up at him.
He blinked.
Levi fell through the memories, each of them wrapping themselves about him like a spiderweb, ensaring him.
He looked down at Erwin as he lay on that rooftop. His friend was two breaths away from dying. Levi had the shot; he could save him. He could…
"Teacher… How do we know… All gone?" Erwin muttered.
Levi remembered Kenny, and Armin's wide, excited eyes. He remembered the joy in Erwin's face as he was released rom his dream.
Levi looked to Armin's charred, breathing body.
He made his decision.
Levi hurtled at terminal velocity towards a hard, hard crash.
"We should let him have a good rest," he said, seated beside Erwin's body as Armin's titan reared up and ate Bertholdt. "Erwin. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to wait on fulfilling my promise."
Hange checked the commander's eyes. "He's dead," she whispered.
Levi felt the most overwhelming wave of grief. It threatened to crush him.
"Oh."
He gazed at the body of Erwin Smith, the greatest man who had ever lived. A true hero. A good man. A friend.
Levi's head tilted back. He could feel the memories filling him, a dark, viscous liquid that turned him into a dark, viscious man.
He could not recall ever feeling otherwise.
He trailed Zeke Jaeger through the forest. Levi was still covered in the evaporating titan blood of his comrades.
That fucking monkey. Zeke screamed as he transformed into his titanic body. But Levi hung above him in the forest canopy, thunder spears at the ready.
Zeke had killed Levi's subordinates. At long last, it was time to return the favor.
Pain blinded him, fractured his skull and boiled his heart. Levi fell, and fell.
Shit. He hadn't imagined that Zeke would be so fucking desperate.
"Mr. Xavier! I hope you're watching now!" the monkey screamed as he yanked his head back and detonated the thunder spear sticking out of his abdomen.
Levi's eyes widened.
He had half an instant, and curled into a ball, his sword placed beneath his feet.
Then the world turned into fire around him…
Levi grunted as he came to a sudden halt. He lay in darkness, and burning stripes of pain lay across his flesh like lashes.
He remained there, hovering in nothingness. Was it death? Was this how it all ended?
Voices summoned him. He rose towards the sounds of people talking. Arguing.
He felt the night air around him. The blanket that lay on top of him.
The bandages that itched on his face.
Fuck. His insides felt like a bruised pile of meat.
He could only open one eye.
Levi was lying on the back of a wagon. Ahead of him, a campfire crackled. He could smell stew. He heard some brats shrieking—yeah, that Gabi kid was on her knees and crying. Annie was on the ground tending to Reiner's face—looked like the guy had got the shit kicked out of him. In the distance, he saw Jean stomping away into the trees.
Yeah. He'd heard Jean yelling.
Right. It was the end of the world. The last alliance, all of them together, all of them planning to stop Eren's crazy fucking rumbling.
Hange looked over at him, concern on her face. Maybe he shouldn't be up right now, but dammit, those stupid brats…
"Will they shut up?" Levi croaked.