A/N: this is the penultimate chapter. Tomorrow is the last one :(

Chapter 52

When Merlin had woken up the previous days, the pressure it had put on his brain of coming back to consciousness after such a long of time of being asleep and relaxed, combined with the other damage he'd suffered, had caused a small bleed. That, in turn, put pressure on the section of his brain concerning his memory and caused the forgetfulness. They'd taken him to surgery immediately, fixed the bleed and drained the excess blood. They wanted Arthur there when he woke up to keep him calm to ensure it didn't happen again.

"They're sure? He's definitely going to know who I am? Because, Morgs, I can't watch what happened yesterday happen again."

"They're sure, Arthur."

"Ok." He bounced his knee excitedly for the rest of the journey.

"You have to know, the surgery won't have fixed everything. He's still be very confused, don't expect too much. He won't be lucid for a while."

"I don't care," Arthur insisted.

He hugged Freya tighter than he'd ever hugged her before in relief. Then he parked himself on the side of Merlin's bed and sat there stubbornly until Merlin woke up. Surprisingly, he didn't even feel anxious. Only excited. The doctors and the nurses had given him the exact same warning Freya had about the state of Merlin's mental wellbeing but to Arthur, all that mattered was that he at least had his memory.

"Arthur, do you want a drink?" Lancelot asked. He, Freya and Matt had been with Merlin since early that morning.

"Please. Here," Arthur got some money out his wallet, "I'll pay for yours too."

"Thanks. Be back in a sec."

"Anything?" Freya asked when Lance and Matt had left.

"Not yet," Arthur studied Merlin.

Freya sighed in disappointment.

"Freya, he had brain surgery last night," Arthur reminded her, "Give him time."

"How are you so patient?"'

"I don't care how long it takes him, so long as he's ok."

"I suppose."

When the boys returned with drinks and cookies, Merlin still wasn't showing any signs of waking.

"Alright Merls," Arthur stood up, "I'm going to the toilet."

"TMI, much," Lance muttered from the corner.

Arthur glared at him and then returned his attention to Merlin, "By no means, whatsoever are you allowed to wake up while I'm gone. But as soon as I get back, please. Any time after that, preferably sooner. Please. Ok, not while I'm gone, promise? Good."

His friends looked at him strangely and chuckled a little bit. Freya took Arthur's place on the side of the bed and held her brother's hand, "Merls I will owe you the biggest favour in the world if you wake up within the next five minutes."

Lancelot laughed, "Don't make Arthur more upset."

"But it would be so funny."

When Arthur returned, Merlin's eyelids were flickering.

"Oh my god," he rushed forwards, "When?"

"Just a few seconds ago."

Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and watched in anticipation. He didn't say anything. A weird mental block was scared he'd caused the bleed yesterday. When Merlin's eyes did open drearily, Arthur leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Merlin's lips parted in something that looked like he was going to say Arthur's name but Arthur hushed him, "You can't speak gorgeous. Freya," he turned, "Find a nurse."

Freya squeezed her brother's hand, kissed his cheek and went outside. Matt and Lancelot watched worriedly from the corner. Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand and looked at him questioningly.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked, "Pain?"

Merlin shook his head and drifted his other hand up to the tracheostomy tube.

"Oh, Merls, it's ok. Do you remember what happened?"

Merlin mouthed 'no'.

"That's ok. There's a doctor on their way. You're ok."

Merlin tapped Arthur's watch.

"What time is it?"

Merlin shook his head violently.

"Woah, don't move your head that much. Calm down. What were you trying to ask me?"

There was nothing Merlin could do but repeat his previous action.

"He's asking how long he's been here," Lancelot supplied.

"Oh. Two and half weeks. I know, that's barely anything compared to usual, right?"

The doctor came in, "Hello, Merlin. I'm Doctor Collins, are you alright to talk to me for a little bit?"

Merlin nodded.

"Great, thank you." She turned to Matt and Lancelot, "Do you two mind waiting outside?"

Merlin squeezed Arthur's hand to make sure he was staying.

"Do you think you can write, Merlin?"

Merlin raised the hand Arthur wasn't holding to show how much it was trembling.

"Alright," the doctor smiled, "Don't worry, that'll pass. Arthur, do you have your phone on you?"

"Of course."

"Can you open your camera roll and scroll through the photos really slowly? Merlin, I want you to stop him when you see one you remember."

Arthur did as he was told. There were a few pictures from the beach when they'd gone with Freya, Matt, the twins and the dogs but Merlin didn't stop him. Then there were the photos he'd saved of the new Albion property. Still Merlin only watched. Arthur glanced at the doctor, who urged, "Keep going."

It wasn't until they reached photographs of before they'd gone to Ireland that Merlin raised his hand and stopped Arthur.

"What's the date on that?"

"Pretty much exactly three months ago."

Merlin's eyes widened.

"Don't worry," the doctor comforted him, "Do I look worried?"

Merlin shook his head.

"So you don't have to be worried either. Do you remember me doing any tests with you yesterday? No, that's ok. I'm just going to write down some numbers and I need you to point at the biggest and the smallest."

Merlin nodded confidently.

"Great. Two secs."

Arthur winked and nodded at Merlin encouragingly. The doctor held out some paper, "Can you circle the smallest and underline the biggest? Don't worry about how neat it is."

Merlin took the pen and the paper and looked at all the numbers with great concentration. When he chose one to underline, it looked more like a squiggly worm than a straight line and he'd also chosen the smallest number on the page.

"That's the biggest?" the doctor asked without giving anything away.

Merlin nodded and looked at the rest of the numbers. The one he decided was smallest was probably one of the middling values. Arthur forced himself to keep a neutral face so he didn't scare Merlin. The doctor thanked him, asked him a few more questions and then stood up.

"I'm just going to steal Arthur from you for a minute, Merlin, but I'll send your friends back in and I won't keep him long."

"I'll be back really soon," Arthur promised. He followed the doctor outside and grabbed Freya's arm to keep her with them. Matthew and Lancelot hesitated but Arthur waved them away. "What was that?" he turned on the nurse.

"What happened?" Freya asked.

The doctor told her what had happened.

"So is it brain damage?" Freya asked shakily.

The doctor nodded.

"Treatable?"

"Hopefully. The tremors, the confusion and the amnesia are the only signs of it I can see right now which is good. Amnesia with concussion tends to be temporary and there's every chance the confusion will pass. Given how injured he was and how long he was asleep, it's really not surprising."

"And the tremor? He couldn't control his hand at all."

"We'll see."

"What if this isn't temporary? What can we do about it?" Arthur asked.

"We'll deal with that if it lingers too long."

"How long is too long?"

"A few weeks."

"So he's going to be like this over Christmas?" Freya asked.

"Who knows? Maybe a bit of festive spirit will be what he needs. I'll leave you with him, make sure he rests, don't stress him out, let me know if you need anything. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Thank you."

Once Matt and Lancelot were updated, Lance went out to call Gwen, Morgana and Gwaine. Freya and Matt offered to go to let someone else visit and so they could spent some time with the twins so were packing up their stuff while Arthur talked to Merlin quietly. He explained everything that had happened to cause Merlin to end up in hospital but very carefully avoided the topic of his mother. If Merlin couldn't remember the past three months, that included his mother's death and bringing that up wouldn't be a brilliant idea at that moment.

"You died, Merls," Arthur said sadly when he got to that part of the story, "The doctors called it and everything. 13:54. You were dead."

A tear slipped out of Merlin's eye and he looked at Arthur apologetically. "How?" he mouthed.

"I erm- didn't take the news well," Arthur said awkwardly.

"That's an understatement if ever I heard one," Freya giggled.

"Like you took it brilliantly," he shot back.

Merlin scowled at him.

"Yeah, so I went over to you and I started the compressions again because I couldn't let you go. I may have been a little bit violent and you may have a couple of fractured ribs because of it but I managed to dislodge a bit of debris stuck in your throat so your airway was clearer, not completely blocked. Then I kissed you, breathed air back into you-"

"He's making it sound like he knew what he was doing," Freya interrupted, "Basically he lost his mind, hit you, took advantage of you and happened to save your life. It was abuse."

"Oi, I thought you were leaving."

Freya smiled and approached the bed, "I'll come back tonight, Merls," she kissed his cheek, "Behave for Arthur even though he attacked you."

"At least I did something! What were you doing?"

"Mourning the loss of my only family."

Merlin looked at her immediately.

"I meant my only brother," she tried to correct but Merlin shook his head and turned to Arthur.

"I'll call you later, Freya," Arthur said, standing up to hug her and Matt, "It's ok," he whispered.

Merlin was horrified. Surely it should be impossible to forget your mother's death.

Arthur sat as close to him as possible and took his hands, "Merls, I'm so sorry."

Crying physically hurt Merlin. His throat was raw and damaged from everything and the motion of crying aggravated his ribs, his throat, his bruised abdomen and his burns. And it gave him a headache. He starting hitting his palm against the back of Arthur's arm repeatedly to try and distract him from the pain

"Please, gorgeous, calm down."

Merlin's face was contorted in pain and heart break. Arthur wished he could take his husband in his arms, hold him tightly and make it all better but he was strictly forbidden from hugging Merlin due to his extensive injuries. Instead he settled for stroking his cheek and kissing him on various places around his face.

Eventually Merlin calmed and croaked a series of noises.

"Gorgeous you can't talk," Arthur reminded him, "What are you trying to say?"

Merlin looked at him helplessly.

"Oh, gorgeous. I'm so sorry."

Merlin shook his head and pointed to Arthur.

"Me? Not me? Wasn't me?"

Merlin nodded.

"Not my fault," Arthur realised, "I left you on your own. Twice. You died because of it. I thought you were gone for good."

Merlin pointed at Arthur, mimed doing chest compressions and then pointed at himself.

Somehow Arthur managed to translate, "I shouldn't have had to save you,though, Merls. I shouldn't have left you in the house by yourself, I should have got you out before the fire started. We should have had the fire serviced months ago!"

Merlin struggled to sit up, despite Arthur's efforts to stop him and hugged him tightly.

"You need to lie back," Arthur said but made no further efforts to move Merlin.

He couldn't be sure because Merlin's voice was completely ruined and unintelligible. But Arthur had a suspicion that Merlin had tried to say, "I love you."

A few minutes later, Merlin was fast asleep in Arthur's arms. Arthur never wanted to let him go but he needed to be comfortable so very carefully, he lowered him back down onto the bed. The doctors had warned everyone that there could be some pretty serious effects from the damage to his brain including fits, vomiting, fatigue and issues with sleeping so Arthur was doing everything possible to keep him safe.

Lancelot came back into the room, "Everyone's at work but they're really happy to hear the news."

"Have they taken the kids in?"

"Freya and Matt have got the twins, Benny and Angel."

"That's rough."

"Apparently Briar and Rose are being brilliant with helping out. They're scared, obviously they know something happened."

"Well he's awake now, doing better. Maybe they'll be able to see him soon."

"Freya said she let slip about Hunith. Was he ok?"

"Not really. But he can't tell me exactly what the issues are so I didn't know what to say."

"How long has he got to have that tube in for?"

"At least three or four more weeks. Maybe more depending."

"We have to find a way for him to communicate."

"We can sign," Arthur said easily, "He can't write, he's got an awful tremor in his hand. But hopefully if it calms down enough, I'll be able to understand what he's signing."

"Good. How bad is it that I pretty much use sign language every day at work and I didn't even think to use it?"

Arthur laughed, "I'm not sure any of us are in the right state of mind right now to be making coherent thoughts or proper sentences, let alone translating them into sign language."

The next few days were very stressful. Unfortunately, Merlin did suffer a couple of seizures and seemed to be simultaneously wide away and exhausted.

Arthur was always with him through the rough parts and always managed to make things feel better. On Christmas morning, Arthur arrived at the hospital really early so he could be sure Merlin would be asleep. Then he put up a tiny fake tree in the corner, strung lights around it and then put them all around the rest of the room too. He wrapped them around Merlin's bed- he'd already checked with the nurses if what he was planning was safe- and then finished off the string around a little present on Merlin's table. He put a star on the top of the tree, a Santa hat on himself and turned on all the lights. It looked beautiful, for a hospital room. The golden glow of the lights Arthur had put up made the horrible bright white lights of the corridor outside seem neutralised. Then Arthur allowed himself to settle in the armchair besides Merlin's bed to wait, feeling very happy with himself and glad he'd taken the time to find the longest string of lights he possibly could.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep but he was jolted awake when a hand which wasn't his put itself in one that was and squeezed it. Arthur sat up instantly and looked at Merlin who was gazing around the room in delight.

"Do you like it?" Arthur stood up to kiss him. In a horrible way, he liked that the breathing tube was in Merlin's throat, not his mouth. Now Arthur had full access to kiss him properly whenever he liked and there was no mask or ventilator in the way.

Merlin nodded, his eyes conveying his gratitude.

"Happy Christmas, gorgeous," Arthur whispered.

Merlin kissed him with as much passion as he could muster given his condition. Arthur sat on the bed beside Merlin in a position which wasn't particularly comfortable for him but allowed them to be close together and Merlin enjoyed the contact. They sat together until the nurse came in for morning rounds.

"Aren't you lucky, Merlin? How beautiful is this?"

He smiled at her.

"Merry Christmas, both of you. I'm going to have to turn this main light on, I'm afraid."

"Merry Christmas," Arthur replied. He kissed Merlin's temple, "Do you need me to move?" he asked the nurse.

"No, you're ok for now. Can I have a look at your leg please, Merlin?" she moved forward, pulled the blankets away, Merlin watched closely to see the improvement.

"Hey, looks good," Arthur smiled as the nurse nodded in agreement. There were no longer dressings all around his lower body anymore, only where he'd been struck by the brick.

"Ok, Merlin you know how this bit goes," the nurse moved up to his middle to check his bruising, "It's going to hurt I'm afraid."

Arthur took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Merlin buried his head in Arthur's shoulder while the nurse continued to look him over. "It's getting there," he was promised, "I'm just checking your ribs."

Arthur still felt guilty for breaking them so this time it was him who received the reassuring hand squeeze.

"Just turn your head this way?" the nurse requested so she could check his head wound, "Nothing but a scar," she smiled, "Excellent. Do either of you need anything? Pain relief?"

"I could do with some," Arthur joked.

The nurse smiled, "Merlin?"

He shook his head.

"Alright. I'll be back later. Shall I leave this light on?"

"Please." Arthur reached forward carefully and picked up the present. "Here."

'I don't have anything for you,' Merlin signed. Arthur just about managed to understand. Merlin's left hand was still bothering him and made it difficult to distinguish between certain words or phrases sometimes.

"Don't be silly," Arthur chided, "Do you want me to help you?"

Merlin nodded and handed the box to Arthur who untied the ribbon, unwrapped the paper and held the box out to Merlin so he could take the lid off. Inside was a little key with the words 'Mo Ghrá' engraved on the side. Merlin looked at him inquisitively.

"You'll find out," Arthur said.

Merlin looked at him.

"I'm not telling anything," Arthur vowed, "It's a surprise and you'll find out what it is when you get home."

Merlin settled down in Arthur's arms.

"I'm sorry you can't eat Christmas dinner."

'I'm so skinny,' he signed, 'You have to tell Leon to cook me the biggest roast ever when I'm allowed.'

Arthur chuckled, "He'll be happy to oblige. He doesn't get to cook as much anymore. So, what do you think about visitors? Are you happy for any of the kids to come in? Don't worry, no one's mentioned it to them, we're not getting their hopes up, it's completely up to you."

'When?' Merlin signed.

"Later today sometime. This afternoon, maybe?"

Merlin nodded hesitantly.

"Ok. Just the twins?"

'Benny, Belle and Luke?'

"Sure. Get some more sleep, I'll text Morgana and Freya. But if you change your mind, tell me."

It was really nice to see all the children. Belle, of course, was full of questions which Merlin was unable to answer. Luke seemed a little apprehensive of all the machines and tubes and cables but settled fairly quickly. Benjamin hated the new surroundings but was happy to be in his uncle's arms.

"Thank you for bringing them," Arthur said to his sister when Leon had taken Belle and Luke to the toilet and Merlin was cradling Benny.

"Of course. Belle's been asking about him non-stop. It's done all of them good to see him. Is Freya bringing the twins in?"

"After dinner. We didn't want too many people in here at once."

"How's he doing?"

"He hasn't had a fit in two days," Arthur said, "When he first woke up it was like four or five a day."

"The tremor?"

"No better. Look how he's holding Benny."

Morgana glanced up. Merlin was holding the baby using one arm and his lap. His other arm was down by his side, hand still trembling as much as it had been for the past few days.

"Is that not hurting him?" Morgana asked.

"Probably. But he'd rather be uncomfortable himself than make Benjamin uncomfortable."

"But his ribs, his stomach. Look, he's shaking."

Arthur stood up and went over to the bed. He took Benny out of Merlin's arms and held him on one hip.

"Lie back properly, Merlin, you're going to hurt yourself."

Merlin looked deeply offended at having the baby confiscated but did what he'd been told. Arthur placed a few cushions onto Merlin's lap and put Benjamin on them. "Hold him with one arm," he instructed, "That's better. Comfortable?"

Once Morgana's family had left, Merlin rested for a while and Arthur went to get some dinner.

"Has he been ok?" Arthur asked the nurse on the way back in.

"He's slept the whole time. Those kids must have worn him out."

"They wear everyone out," Arthur smiled, "But he's been fine? No-"

"He's perfectly alright. Go on."