I meet Esme in Central Park. Three dogs drag her around. The smallest of the lot drags a stick by his nuzzle about twice his own length. I smile at the little things in life, smile even brighter when Esme laughs and reigns in the biggest dog from drinking out of the fountain. She's casually dressed in light wash denim and shiny, knee-high boots the same taupe color of a furry jacket.

"Isabella!" Esme's eyes crinkle as she looks at her pack, crouching down to take the stick from the white Maltese.

"Meet the loves of my life. We have my boy, Ralph; Susy the three-legged champion and little Daisy." I lean down as well, paws on my lavender jeans, wet noses touch my hand and I can't help but smile — for real.

"Pick a dog, let's walk." Susy's pale brown eyes gaze up at me. She looks curious and keeps swatting her tail against the scuffed-up toes of my sneakers.

"Don't let her handicap fool you. She's far from disabled and is very resourceful when it comes to bribing humans." Right on cue, Susy the dalmatian barks once and she holds my heart right away. I take the red leash from Esme as we start walking.

"How was work today?" She asks me. It's like we're friends, family.

I watch as Susy struts through a puddle playfully. This feels so different, so much less staged. More real.

"It was okay, actually." I stuffy free hand in the pocket of my coat, fingers curling around the lighter in there. I skipped Masen's room this morning. I need to distance myself and try to heal myself instead of relying on others. I can't afford to be codependent anymore.

"How's the guy?" She asks quietly. I roll my eyes because it's like this woman reads my mind.

"I wouldn't know."I shrug.

"I know that I said weird stuff the last time I saw you. But I didn't mean you should become a hermit, Isabella." She flings auburn tresses over her shoulder and double loops her knitted scarf.

"You shouldn't either."

"Well I guess we're out together which means neither one of us are hermits." She jokes.

"I could kill for a hot chocolate." Esme's eyes search for one of the carts around the park and points in the distance when she's found one.

Kill.

"I hired someone to kill me." I blurt it out and I don't know why or what the fuck is wrong with me.

Esme chuckles but her smile fades the second she sees my face. It feels like all the blood has been drained and I'm nailed in place while Susy pulls the leash I'm holding.

"Bella? What?" It's the first time Esme uses my preferred nickname and the first time since my brother died that someone hugged me like this. It's warm and amazing and everything all at once. Dogs pull and people stare at the tears streaming down my face.

"It's true." I break down and fall down on my knees. Susy's front legs hop up on my thigh as she means up and nuzzles my face.

I wish I could take it back.

I wish I never took those pills that night.

I wish I never mixed them.

I wish I never got high.

Instead of being ashamed of me and my panic-ridden anxiety attack, Esme levels her head with mine and tilts my chin up to look at her. Her eyes search for something I can't tell Her, but somehow she finds what she's looking for. I don't see the doctor before me, just a woman who's here for me. A friend. Someone my mother never was.

"Let's go home, Bella, dear." She whispers to me, getting the hair out of my tear-stained face.

"I don't want to." My voice trembles as much as my hands do. I grip the leash tightly while Susy looks at me, her eyes intense as she nudges my shin.

"My home, honey. Come."

You guys have very mixed opinions on Esme, lol.