Happy Sunday! I hope you enjoy this week's chapter. Let me know what you think about it in the reviews!

As Always Happy Reading!

-Meg

Chapter 55

Title: Suppression of Memories.

POV: Ren

I woke with sweat dripping down my side. Jake's body was making me overheat. I rolled into the warmth instead of away. All I wanted was to be held by him. After my stupidity, all I needed was for him to forgive me. I decided finding him shirtless in my childhood room, in bed with me was a positive. I stretched feeling a sharp pain in my ankle, how long is that going to be an issue?

Jake wrapped his arms around me. Pulling me on top of him. I relaxed feeling the familiar sense of safety that was always present when I was in his arms. If it was up to me this is how I would spend the rest of my life. His arms are the only things I want wrapping around my body. If he was the only man that touched me I would find no complaint.

I felt a cold shiver as I un-willingly had a flashback to last night. The snow blocked my escape. Brady stepped closer. Closing my eyes I shook aways the memory. NO! I yelled internally. I will not be made a victim. I am a strong woman, who found herself in a vulnerable situation. Promising to myself that I will never find myself in that situation again. If I had not panicked about my mother and Jake I would not have been in that situation, to begin with. MY FAULT.

I heard movement from farther in the house. Panicking. I did not need my parents to know I was awake and scared. They would ask questions. Demand answers. I rolled into Jake. Focusing only on him.

Jake's steady breathing had me breathing deeply again. Feeling the rise and fall of his chest, lifting and cradling me with every breath. My eyes became heavy again. I fell asleep in Jakes's embrace. Dreaming of him, of our future.

"Jake. Dinner is ready" I spoke quietly.

Jake turned, holding a tiny bundle in his arms. Rocking it slowly back and forth. Keeping a steady rhythm. Walking over to him I scooped the bundle from his arms. Holding the baby close to me. It looked like a baby Jake. My heart melted.

"Dinner looks lovely" Jake kissed my cheek. Going and dishing himself up a plate.

Sitting back on the rocking chair. I rocked back and forth. Losing my time staring at the baby's face. Our babies' faces.

A knock sounded at the door. Brady walked in. I held my baby closer to my body. I will not let Brady hurt them.

"Silly Renesmee, that baby is half me" Brady spoke as he walked over to me.

The second time I woke Jake was no longer in my bed. The windows had the curtains drawn shut. I could still see the slight brightness coming through at the edges. Sitting up I looked for Jake. I recognized this room from many childhood visits to Forks. This was the room of my best childhood memories. Also, the walls that muffled as I screamed my worst nightmares. Doing a quick scan of the room, I allowed myself to believe he was not here. Not being able to shake a feeling of being watched. Forcing myself to step out of bed I carried my blanket around my shoulders. Without Jake's arms, the cold from last night seemed to be lingering in my bones.

Walking out into the main space I saw my mom sitting in the living room. I walked up and she did not move. Stuck in a stone-like state. The battle caused mom to freeze. I did not like it. Needing her to not be stuck in a frozen state anymore.

"Mom?" I asked. My mind remembered the last time she had been stuck in a stone-like state. The Volturi had just come and left. The high stress of that almost battle had its effects on everyone. Mom would often find herself processing the information stuck still.

Unlike all the time she was processing the Volturi, she was able to pull herself back into reality. Shaking her head. Her eyes focused on me.

"Hey, honey. You finally woke up" Mom said. Her smile was false. It was the same smile she used when I needed to get needles when I was a child. I made sure she could not tell that I noticed, keeping my facial expression the same.

"Yeah. Felt a bit cold" I told her. Pulling my blanket tighter around me.

"Jake just left about an hour ago. Would you like some breakfast?" Mom asked me. She walked to the fridge opening it and the only thing inside was donated blood.

I smiled at her "No. I'm okay. I will go to my house to grab some food."

Walking up to my mom I wrapped my arms around her. Holding her close. The blanket fell to the floor. Mom held me in her arms. My resolve filled my soul. I was safe and complete. Fully forgiving my feelings and reactions to learning about Mom and Jake before I was born. Allowing myself to live in the moment not in the past.

"I will see you later" I whispered to Mom.

"I love you babygirl" Mom kissed my hair walking me out of the house. "Do you want a car?" Mom asked.

I looked at the forest feeling like it was crowding me in. My nervousness pumped adrenaline into my veins. Focusing, I kept my thoughts off that.

"Yes please," I told Mom. She handed me a set of keys. I rolled my ankle wincing slightly as I found the sore spot.

"Please be careful on your ankle." Mom warned "I never want anything bad to happen to you. Baby, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"I do Mom" I smiled at her. "I will be careful. Just checking its limits"

Walking to the carpark I clicked the keys. Carefully getting into the car that beeped. I did not pay attention to which car I was driving. Turning onto the main road I raced home. Arriving at my house just in time for my tears to shake my body. I felt relief and anger course through my body. It chased away the forgiveness and acceptance I had felt in my mom's presence.

Climbing out of the car I ran inside the house. Feeling my ankle smart during every step. Turning on the shower I scrubbed my body. Scrubbing away the memories along with the grime I felt. Promising to myself that this would not become a big deal. I have made mistakes. Lots of people make mistakes. It's not like we actually did anything. Brady was just flirting and not understanding that I did not want him to do anything with me.

After the fourth full body scrub, I began to believe my story. Brady was helping me understand that I needed Jake. He came to the cave bringing me food and warmth. I saved his life in return. Nothing else happened. A final teardrop was washed away by the shower stream. Resolve filled my body. This is now my story of what occurred last night. Nothing will change my mind. No one needs to know. I knew I needed to tell Jake and I will in 100 years.

I dressed casually in a loungewear set that was a mix of bright pink and blue. Walking into the kitchen I quickly made myself a grilled cheese. Dipping it in my blood sauce I began to feel more secure. Turning on the television I watched crime shows, one was on a woman who had just been sexually assaulted. The police officer was telling her that the truth is the best story. I laughed. So did the lady on the television. An uneasy feeling swept through my gut. Is the police officer right? Should I tell?

What would that get me through? That would only win me my victim card. I do not want to be a victim! Not to mention the fight I will have to endure when they asked why I saved his life. I paused. I had not saved his life because he was not being sexually suggestive to me. I saved his life because I was not a bad person. This argument would never stand up in court. The fact that I saved him would invalidate my feelings and fears. Might as well have them invalidated because I made them that way Instead of someone else deciding that for me.

I flipped the channel turning it to a talk show. The host was going on about women's perspectives in the industry. Mainly about the questions they are being asked on red carpets. I sunk into the cross-analysis being conducted. Letting the laughing women on the screen lul my emotions. Allowing me to stop focusing on the issue.

My phone rang an hour later.

I answered it. Claire's voice came through the phone. "Hey, honey. I heard you are finally home!" Claire cheered. Just hearing her voice made me feel secure.

"Hi Claire Bear," I said.

"How are you?" Claire said.

"I am fine," I told her.

"Sure you are" Claire sounded like she knew better.

"I am fine. Why would I not be?" I asked Claire.

"Well, I am not supposed to tell you about the tribunal that is being held but." Claire cut herself off. "You did not hear that from me."

"What tribunal?" I demanded. Standing up I began to pace around my space. I allowed my bad leg to drag across the floor. It was slowly wearing a pattern into the carpet.

"No. I already told you too much" Claire said. I heard paws lightly falling in the driveway.

"Claire, I gotta go," I said before hanging up.

I tossed my phone on the table. Forcing myself to stop pacing by using the island top to hold me in place. I clung to it. Using it to feel secure even though I did not.

Jake walked in. All thoughts of the tribunal left my mind. He was standing with water dripping from his hair. I haven't realized it started raining. Jake is topless, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. He was looking around the space searching for something. The searching stopped when he found me. I breathed a sigh of relief. Part of me feared that it was Brady again.

I could not hold myself back anymore. I ran into his open arms. He held me tightly. Crushing me to his chest. I kissed his neck. Trailing my kisses all over his exposed skin. He held the back of my head crushing his lips on mine. At this moment I needed him. Needed to feel him and be with him in every way. With every touch, I felt myself become fully his.

"Jake" I moaned as he kissed my neck. "I need you"

He walked us to our bed. I lost myself in his touch. Loving every moment as we both touched each other's skin. The ecstasy ran over my body. Feeling the waves of passion overwhelm me, pushing me over the edge. Jake joined me moments later growling as he fell with me over the edge.

I kissed him. Allowing myself to ignore the stress of the world. Becoming my favorite version of myself naked in Jake's arms. I pushed the thought that I was using our bond to distract myself. I needed this.

My body felt like it had been still too long. I stretched trying to gain an understanding of my surroundings. I felt too comfortable to be on a hospital bed. Allowing myself to sink into the bed. My hand found a warm spot. It is now cooling down. Stretching I rolled. Trying to regain my warmth. Where did it go?

A ring sounded. Hushed deep whispers from across the room. I could tell the speaker was not trying to make me upset. Yet, it was important that the anger in the voice carried to the listener. I shivered not hearing anger in this voice before. Only love, trust, and humor. What happened to the man that caused him this anger?

A clinking of metal and the tightening of fabric drew my attention to reality. I rolled onto my side, opening my eyes slowly. Seeing Jake pulling his belt on. I couldn't seem to draw my gaze away from his belt, and his appendage just below that. How had I stayed away from this man?

Reaching, I flicked on the lamp that is on my nightstand.

Jake looked at me with startled eyes, he seemed stunned. He must have something on his mind, I hardly ever surprised him.

Sitting up I let my legs dangle over the edge of the bed. The movement hurt my side. I could feel the bruise patterns against my side. Seeing his belt I knew he was not leaving to go on patrol. If he was going on patrol in the mornings normally, he would just strip out of his clothing in our room. It was one of my favourite things about morning patrols. I got to see him in his full glory before he left for the morning. I pushed down the blush, trying to understand what was happening.

I raised my eyebrow at him. He hesitated. His face looked masked. Looking at me he walked over slowly.

"I got a call this morning," Jake said.

"Is Billy alright?" I could hear the panic in my own voice. What other reason was there to call? Jake walked up to me and placed his hands on mine kneeling in front of me. He brushed tears that I had not felt off my cheeks.

"Shhh. No, nothing like that. We are just having a tribunal for Brady." Jake paused. I could tell that he was trying to read the emotion on my face. So I wiped all emotion from my expression. A stray tear still making a trail towards my chin. "Brady did not show up for patrol the last four days. He was found almost dead. The tribe needs to figure out what happened to him."

"Is that it?" I asked. My voice sounded dead to my own ears. I wanted that to be it. I desired my biggest secret to stay a secret.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked.

"I mean that is all it takes to get a tribunal?" I tried to keep the accusation tone out of my voice. I could still hear a ting of it. Taking a deep breath I reminded myself that I was not mad at Jake.

He touched my face. "Why don't you tell me what else happened?" Jake said.

He knew. He knew that I had to lecture Brady on consent. Brady had not raped me, there is nothing to report here. I reminded myself. He was unsuccessful, this time. I felt the fear try to enter my eyes. I pushed it down again. Bottling it just below the surface.

"Tell you that I missed you the second I left?" I let my face drop. Feeling the tears come to my eyes. This was the truth. I did miss him the second I left. Still needed space to understand.

"I missed you too," Jake said. He kissed my forehead. I pulled his lips down to mine. Savoring the touch and feel of his lips. Kissing him deeper. Trying to distract him from this line of questioning. "Tell me. Did he try to touch you?" Jake's voice cracked with emotion as he spoke. His forehead resting against mine. Jake did not open his eyes as he waited for the answer.

"Touch me how?" I asked, closing my eyes. It was easier to ask without seeing his face.

"Did he touch you in a sexual way?" Jake asked. My heart stopped. I could not breathe for a moment. Focusing really hard on my breath. "Did he try to do anything to you?"

"Jake, how is this conversation going to benefit us?" I opened my eyes. Looking at him with a questioning expression. Like I honestly had no idea why he would want to know.

"I need to know," Jake said. The emotion in his voice caused my heart to stop for a moment.

"What are you going to do with the information?"

He touched my face. He was so gentle with me. Way more gentle than Brady had ever been. How had I ever thought that I was in Jake's arms when Brady held me. I blinked the memory away.

"I am not giving you ammo to kill your pack brother," I told him.

"So he did touch you?" Jake accused. I could see his subtle vibrations.

"Jake." I looked at him. "Brady did not rape me if that is what you are truly asking," I told him.

"Did he try?" Jake asked.

I swallowed "Maybe. Maybe not. I did not let him get that far. I felt uncomfortable and knocked him out. I am the one you should be putting on the tribunal, not him. I almost killed him Jake" my voice cracked.

Jake scooped me up in his arms. Rocking me back and forth. I let the sobs come. Let them roll down my cheeks. They ran from my eyes, absorbed into his shirt. Almost instantly creating a wet spot where I rested my face against him.

"My girl, it was not your fault. You did not feel safe. I would not have you act any other way in a situation that you are alone and feel unsafe." Jake's voice was soft.

"Jake. I almost killed him. I did not think the rock was going to collapse the way it did. He almost died" I cried. Hoping that he gives up on the Brady issue. I can handle him. I will not venture into the woods without someone. The way Seth held my hand at every bonfire after the first time Brady tried.

I was scared to go to the bonfire. Seth could tell but Claire wanted me to go. She had called consistently and asked me to help pick out an outfit. After the fourth call I told her I would pack an extra hoodie so she can dress slutty and be warm after. I held the extra hoodie in my hands, ringing it around and around. Mom and Dad had left with the rest of my family for an extended hunt. Seth was to pick me up and bring me back home. He was going to stay the night. As my Dad's best friend and my Uncle, he was a great option for a temporary protector. I was not ready to look at Brady though. He scared me.

Seth arrived walking over to me in human form. Normally I would have just jumped onto his wolf's back as he ran past my house. Distracted, I did not see him pass. Missed my cue to jump on for the ride. A tear tried to escape my eye. I was never afraid. Shaking my head I looked into Seth's eyes.

"You good princess?" He lifted my chin to evaluate my face.

"Yeah just missing my family" I shook my head and smiled.

"Okay. I will not leave your side until they are back then" Seth vowed.

When we made it to the bonfire. I made a point of looking Brady directly in the eyes and not looking away. It was around that bonfire that night that I had learned how to look evil in the face without flinching. It hardened me to be able to suppress the pain this man caused me.

I pulled the emotion from this memory into my heart now. Sitting in Jake's arms until I felt whole again. Jacobs arms around me healed my heart. Allowed me to actually breathe again. As long as Jacob was holding me I would be able to stay strong. The tribunal ahead scared me shitless. I was not ready to go. To face him. I can keep my story to myself the same. It was immensely harder when I remembered how close he had gotten. How close I was to killing him. I pulled myself tighter into Jacobs' side. Ruining his shirt with my tears.

I felt him shift under me. One of his hands left my back. I could hear him talking.

"Seth. Yeah. Can you let Sam know I won't be able to help with setup?" Jake paused. "I know." He paused again. "Yes, Seth. She is doing okay"

Jake's hand returned to my back. I pulled his face down to me. I kissed him. Tears streaming down my face. I needed him. I needed him to kiss me. Needed to feel the love from him.

He kissed me back gently. Not returning in the passion that I needed to feel right now. I sighed against his lips. Flopping myself back on the bed. Jake looked at me quizzically.

"I thought we were having a nice kiss?" Jake questioned. I knew he knew what I wanted. What I needed.

I nodded. Climbing over him I got in the shower. Putting my face under the stream I cried harder. When the water stopped, so did my tears. I dried myself fast. Jake was still sitting on the bed when I came out of the shower. He looked to be deep in thought. I smiled at him. The shower helped me quell my emotions. He fake smiled back at me. I could tell that the situation was eating him up inside. I walked over to him and kissed him gently on the forehead.

"What should I wear to a tribunal?" I asked.

"Anything you want." Jake smiled falsly at me again.

Apparently, I did not need to ask. Seeing a pile on my dressing chair. No doubt Aunty Alice had placed this here for me. Grabbing Jake's hoodies to finish the look. I needed to have his scent with me during the tribunal. Looking in the mirror I almost laughed. I looked like a child in Jake's hoodie.

Walking over to him I smiled. Sitting in his lap I asked, "is it okay if I borrow your hoodie?"

"Anything that is mine is yours" Jake kissed me.

"Same goes for you. If you ever want to borrow a shirt or bra go right ahead" I joked.

We laughed together. Both of our laughs sounded fake, put on to please each other.

"Do we have to go soon?" I asked.

"We should leave now," Jake said. His face looked apologetic.

I nodded. Jumping up I grabbed a beaded bracelet. One that I had broken and put together multiple times throughout my childhood. It always reminded me that anything that is broken can be put back together. Walking over to Jake I slipped it on his wrist. The gems stood out against his russet skin. It had multiple colours that beautifully worked together.

I looked up at his eyes. They were the kindest I had ever seen. A genuine smile crossed his face.

"I want you to have something of mine as you enter the tribunal today," I told him.

"It's pretty," Jake smiled. Touching each different gem.

"Just pretty?" I asked.

"Yes compared to you. You are beautiful, this is pretty." Jake's eyes glittered the way they always do when he complimented me.

We walked out of the house hand in hand.

(Review Question: Should Ren Feel Guilty?)