Happy Monday!
I'm off work until Thursdaaaay *party*

I find myself in a luxurious elevator, riding up with three dogs and a friend.

"I can't be your friend and your therapist, Bella. Right now, I'd rather be your friend."

Her words reverberate through me, and I never once in my life heard someone value my wellbeing more. This differs from Rose, from Emmett.

Esme leads me into her Park Avenue, multi-million apartment. I do my best not to stare.

The dogs roam shiny, hardwood floors and jump on a toffee brown couch lined with blankets.

"Get comfy, I'll get us hot chocolates." Esme peels the scarf from her neck and throws it inside a hallway closet.

I stare down at the city, an endless sea of concrete. My reflection stares back at me. My hair is long and drapes along my torso as if it will shield me from the world. My pants are so dirty, lavender with Muddy stains and adorable paw prints. It makes me smile, even though my pants are ruined.

"Here you go." Esme hands me a pale yellow mug filled with delicious smelling hot chocolate. It's thick and dark, made from real chocolate, and not the powdery stuff they sell for cheap.

She sits down on the couch opposite the dogs and I follow suit, perched on the edge of buttery soft leather.

"So this is the part where you spill the beans, Bella. No more walking on eggshells around you. I'm not your therapist anymore so you better be honest with me." Esme looks stern and there's an edge to her voice that tells me it's not the time for games or fucking with her.

"I was drunk off my ass, and I didn't even remember what I'd done." I shrug and don't meet her eyes "Until it was too late and I found the confirmation email. I even checked that bank account and the money was gone."

"You don't use that account." She shakes her head. It feels an awful lot like therapy. "But why the suicide attempt? When you already spent so much money on a fucking killer?" Her frown made her look at least five years older.

"I thought I was being scammed. I still do because I'm still here." I take a deep breath. "I'm fucking done, Esme. I'm done with this pain and feeling worthless, eaten by guilt. It's not getting better, and I can't even numb the pain now. There are no drugs, no booze. I can't deal with this. I just can't." I break down. It's all just a little too much.

"I understand that you—"

"No, you don't! I mean, look at you! You've got everything going well for you, those dogs are amazing and your apartment is fucking nirvana. Who the hell has a balcony like this, overlooking Central Park? You're a kick-ass therapist, and your heart is pure gold." Esme's eyes are wide as she composes herself. I can see a hint of tears and I'm a fucking bitch.

"I'm sorry." I stand. "I should go."

"No." Her voice was harsh. "You're staying right here and I'm going to share with you how fucking wrong you are. You say you don't judge people, Bella, but you do. You just did."

"Sorry."

"Fuck sorry, sit down and listen to me. Because my life isn't at all what you're describing."

I swallow a lump in my throat and pick at my sleeves.

"I'm here now, but ten years ago I sat right where you sit. I'd just turned thirty, and I was miserable. I wasn't working, my heart was shattered into a million little pieces. I had nothing and no one, except for my vodka bottle and a serving of Oxy."

I feel myself gasp.

"Carlisle just broke things off with me, my mother died, and I just found out I was pregnant. Of course, I never told Carlisle, because I didn't want him to come back to me out of pity. I got my shit together and quit drinking cold-turkey. For my baby. I'm glad I never told him because about seven weeks into the pregnancy I miscarried. My heart was broken. There wasn't anything or anyone for me to live for anymore, and I just drank myself in a coma."

Oh, my God.

"I didn't realize…" I say dumbly.

"People go through things, Bella. It strengthened me and I bet you'll get through this just the same. It's a dark place where you are, but one day the sun will come out. But yes, it's hard work and you have to want to put in the hard work."

"I'm such an ass." I stare at the floor, the mug hot in my hand.

"You're only human."

So is she...

A/N: Soooo, let me fill you in some stuff.

- creaatingmadness is posting her new mini-fic tomorrow. It's HAWT AF, and rated F for filth *ifyaknowwhatimean* and featured a delightful Teacherward.

- maniacalmuse and me are posting our new BDSM-fic tomorrow as well! It's posted under 'ManiacalFox' here on

- Next week my Rose/Emmett fic drops on Monday

- I have another spicy fic coming soon as well.

Follow me on Facebook (or my group) for teasers, pictures, moodboards...

Yes, I've been a busy kitty.

Thanks for reading xo