While everyone was occupied by dessert, Old Jake motioned to his son. Jacob followed him to the nursery. He turned to Jacob as soon as he closed the door. "How much did Dougie dead cost you?"
Jacob shrugged, as if to say that the cost was irrelevant. "Seventy-five. Fifty to Ricky and his guys and then twenty-five to the AB for pointin' Dougie in the right direction." Jacob had a grim smile on his face.
He nodded, pleased that he had guessed close. "Left an envelope with thirty in it with Walt, he said he'd get it in the safe for you." He shook his head before Jacob could form a word. "Don't be tellin' me I didn't need to do that. I already know I didn't have to, I wanted to." He looked around the nursery, smiling a little when he saw the painting above the changing table. He wondered if Jax had been told the Jules had Lu pilfer that from her Daddy's den.
"Fine, Dad." Jacob replied, still sounding like he wanted to argue. "Anything else?"
He wondered if his son knew that he sounded like one of his own kids right now. "Yeah." He looked around the room some more. Gemma had done a nice job on it even if it was a little small. "How long we lettin' them stay in this house?" He grunted at the confused look on Jacob's face. "I'm talking about all of them, this house will be okay for the four of them for how long? Hell, Jules' apartment in Chicago is bigger than this house." He leaned on the wall. "You drove us past that property that Rip bought; the house is too small, but the lot is huge. They could build."
Jacob laughed. "Sounds to me like you're tryin' to come up with a reason for all of us to be spendin' time out here." His son arched an eyebrow. "How about we get the little man home before we start making any other plans." Jacob shook his head. "Plus Jules has other things she's gotta handle first; the estate, getting withdrawn from school, and all of the other things she's gotta handle herself, like her bank accounts shit, getting Soph and her medical records..." Jacob sighed. "Not to mention just getting things settled here."
He nodded. "I know all that Jacob, but that doesn't mean they can't start thinking about it or planning for it." As he went to continue, there was a knock on the door and Eric stuck his head in.
"Grace and Slim are leaving. They wanted to know if Gramps was hanging out for a while longer or if he wanted to go to Gemma's now. Gemma said you can ride with her when she leaves if you want to stay."
"We're comin'." He told his grandson. "I'll just grab a ride from Gemma. Makes more sense anyway."
Eric nodded. "I'll let Slim and Grace know." And closed the door.
Jacob turned back to him. "I hear what you're saying, Dad. How about tomorrow you and me go take a walk around the property, see if they could get away with a second house on the lot or if the first one has to come down first." His son opened the door. "That'll also give the girls a chance to get things done without us under their feet." Chuckling as they left the nursery.
"Yeah. We can do that." Smiling as Jacob stopped to accept a sticky kiss from Sophie. He raised an eyebrow at Dennis. "Get her settled in the tub, I'll help her." He wanted to spend a little one on one time with his great-granddaughter. Sophie seemed happy enough but he wanted to make sure.
"Sure, Gramps." Dennis replied as he walked by. "She had a real bath this morning, so this is just cleaning up the mess from dessert." The grin on his grandson's face was unrepentant.
Once Sophie was settled in the tub, Dennis headed off to find pajamas for Soph to get into once she was done, and he sat down on the closed toilet seat and watched his great-granddaughter play in the bubbles.
"Remember you gotta clean up too, honey." He soaped up a washcloth and handed it to her.
"Okay ol' Grampa." Sophie took the washcloth with one hand while blowing bubbles off of her other. Once she started washin' up, she looked over to him. "We takin' Granma to see da baby tomorrow, are you comin' to see him too?" Her dark eyes big. "He's my brofer now."
"That he is, honey." He noticed some ice cream in Sophie's hair. Not a real bath, his ass. "Hon, you're gonna have to dunk, 'cause we're gonna have to get that ice cream out of your hair." He shook his head with a grin. "How you managed that, I'll never know."
After coming up from her dunk, Sophie giggled. "Mommy says I am da best at gettin' messy!" Giggling some more as he rubbed the shampoo into her hair.
"You come by it naturally." He laughed a little. "Your mommy was no slouch herself at getting messy when she was your age." He leaned in a little with a grin. "She liked to play in the mud."
"Gwoss!" Sophie laughed as she wrinkled her nose. "I don't pway in mud."
"I know." He put a hand on her head as he turned the faucet back on and set the water to where he wanted it. "Time to rinse." Soph turned around and leaned her head back under the running water. After he got the shampoo out of her hair he turned the water off. "To answer your question though, yes, I'm gonna go see Abel with you tomorrow."
"Yay!" Soph cheered as she was finishing up in the bath. "You can hold him and I can watch him." He helped Soph out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her. As she dried herself he grabbed a smaller towel and rubbed her hair. "Mommy says I can't hold him 'til he comes here. And I can help wit lots of stuff."
He nodded to Den as his grandson came in with a nightgown for Soph. "That's very true, you can help your mommy with the baby." Sitting back on the toilet seat as Dennis helped Soph finish drying and get her nightgown on. Once they were done he beckoned his great-granddaughter to him. "Now, your Auntie Grace was just about your age when your grandpa was brought home." He ignored the grin on Dennis' face as Dennis left the room. "And I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Auntie Grace all those years ago."
"When Grampa was a baby?" How he loved it when kids were this age, and everything was new.
"Yep." He bounced his knee a little making Soph giggle again. "The biggest way you can help your mommy and daddy with the new baby is to behave." He put a little stern in his voice as he kissed her damp curls. "You can't be runnin' around like a little heathen, makin' all sorts of racket, 'cause babies sleep a lot." He smiled when she nodded solemnly. "And he's not a toy. He's not gonna be able to play with you for a while yet, so you know what you need to do until he can?"
"What?" Sophie's eyes were wide, full of trust that he'd have the right answer for her.
"Talk to him. Tell him what you're doin'. What's goin' on." He set Sophie off his knee and stood her on the floor. "You gotta help explain the world to him honey. You understand?"
Sophie nodded emphatically. "I gotta be good and I gotta tell Abel everything I know about. Tha's the best way to help Mommy and Daddy." She cocked her head at him. "Tha's what you said, right 'ol Grampa?"
"You nailed it, honey." As she grabbed his hand to 'help' him up they heard yelling from the living room.
"I AM NOT SLEEPING OUTSIDE ON A GODDAMN LOUNGE CHAIR!" Dennis was yelling, but neither of them worried too much about it when they heard both Jules and Eric screaming with laughter.
He laughed to himself as Sophie let go of his hand and sprinted towards the living room.
/
When Dennis came to her and Tara looking for an answer about whether or not Tara was staying the night, Jules caught Eric's eye and nodded towards Den with a smirk. Big brother nodded back; he knew to play along as necessary.
"You know." She said, leaning back into Jax on the corner of the couch they were sharing. "There are some pretty comfy lounge chairs on the patio."
Dennis turned to her eyes wide and incredulous. "I AM NOT SLEEPING OUTSIDE ON A GODDAMNED LOUNGE CHAIR!" He lowered his voice at Lu's squawk. "Let the freaking Marine sleep outside!"
She couldn't hold it in any longer, she started to howl with laughter, Eric right behind her. Like Dennis would ever sleep outside willingly. She looked over to Tara as she managed to get her laughter under control. "Didn't I tell you he'd freak the fuck out?" Laughing again as her daughter came tearing into the room, braking to a hard stop at her elbow.
"Unca Manny can't sleep outside!" Soph stomped her little foot down in defense of her favorite uncle. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to check herself from cooing at the cuteness of her kid. "You know he don' like campin'!"
Everyone in the room exploded into laughter as she lifted Soph up onto the couch with her and Jax. "I'm just messin' with Uncle Den." She shot her brother an unapologetic grin. "He's gonna sleep on the couch at Auntie Tara's house, 'cause Uncle Red is sleepin' on this one."
She could feel Jax smiling into her shoulder as Dennis gave her and Tara a rueful shake of the head. "Really? You two are already conspiring against me?!"
She rolled her eyes and whispered to Sophie. "What do we tell Uncle Den when he's being a drama queen?"
"Shut it, Meryl!" Sophie yelled out. She grinned as she felt Jax vibrating with laughter.
Dennis tried to say something but Gramps walked behind him and slapped him on the back of his head. "Don't dig the hole any deeper, son." Shaking his head as he walked on into the kitchen to talk to Pop and Gemma.
The rest of them laughed as Dennis pulled a face, but kept silent. She felt like it was time to throw him a bit of a bone. At least enough of one so that he wouldn't retaliate. She had no need for the embarrassment that Den could create for her if he chose to; her aunts and uncle were taking care of that them damn selves.
"If you can get your ass up in time, there will be waffles and bacon here in the morning." Elbowing Jax as he laughed into her shoulder again. "Goes for you too, Jase."
Jase chuckled. "Unlike this pansy ass..." Nodding at Den. "… I am sleeping on the lounge chair outside." Jase laughed. "I saw that fucking twin bed at the clubhouse. No thanks."
Opie shook his head at Jase. "It's gonna get cold tonight. Not sure if you wanna do that, man."
She and everyone else from Chicago started to laugh. She shook her head at Opie. "Dude!? Have you seen any one of us wear anything other than a hoodie or sweater? It's supposed to dip into the low forties tonight." She looked over to Lu who would probably know. "What's tonight's low back in Chicago supposed to be?"
Lu grinned at Opie. "Somewhere in the high twenties with a chance of snow." Then looked back to Jase. "I'm pretty sure the camping stuff was put in the garage. Just grab one of the sleeping bags. They're rated for subzero temps." Jase nodded and with Eric in tow made his way to the garage.
"You're really gonna let him sleep outside?" Jax murmured into her ear.
She turned to him. "If that's what he wants to do." She replied quietly with an eye roll. "Jase goes ice fishing in Minnesota in the winter on the regular. This is nothin' to him." Grinning at Jax.
Jax raised an eyebrow at her as Tara laughed off to the side. Jax gave Tara a questioning look. Tara shrugged. "I've seen people in under thirty degree weather wearing shorts with hoodies." Tara gave a bit of a wry smile. "They're kind of nuts."
She shook her head at both native Californians. "And I bet they were wearing a hat, gloves and good socks and boots. As long as your feet, head and hands are warm, so are you for the most part." Then grinned a little. "I can personally attest to that." She laughed as they both looked at her like she was nuts.
She smiled at them both while leaning into Jax. "This is gonna be so awesome. I can pretty much wear shorts year round."
Tara laughed as Jax gave her a squeeze. "I won't argue with that, babe."
"I'm sure you wouldn't." She shot back, lightly kissing his cheek. She nodded towards Sophie who was currently jabbering Donna's ear off. "We should get her started on good-nights while Pop and Lu are still here."
"This will take an hour." Jax replied with wry humor.
She laughed. "Maybe." She nodded towards their daughter. And how fucking awesome was that. Their daughter. Ray was her friend and she certainly loved him in a way, but he never felt like he was her partner in raising Sophie. Jax had already jumped into bathtimes and bedtimes, had shown that he could put his foot down when needed, and most importantly, Jax made Soph feel special in a way she doesn't think Ray ever had.
"She's pretty tired." She watched as Soph chattered away, leaning on Donna. Usually, if her daughter was that chatty, she was bouncing around.
"She's had a pretty busy day." Jax noted with a laugh. "And she was up early."
"Yep." She raised her voice. "Soph." Her daughter looked over to her. "Time to start telling everyone night-night." For once Soph didn't argue and gave Donna and Opie quick hugs before scooting off to tag everyone else that was still at the house.
Other than Jase, the other Chicago guys left when most of SAMCRO did, about the same time Soph went into the bath. Slim and Grace had said good-night to her as Dennis was taking her to the bath. So Soph's good-nights shouldn't take too terribly long.
She chatted with Tara, Donna, Opie and Jax as Sophie made her rounds. After about twenty minutes Soph crawled up on the couch and into Jax's lap. "I all weady fo' bed." Her chocolate brown eyes already starting to droop. "I fink Daddy needs to cawwy me. I'm tiwed."
She reached over and gently brushed her daughter's bangs out of her eyes and cupped her cheek. "I bet, you have certainly had a day, Miss Thing." She nodded her head at Jax. "Next stop, bedtime."
She got up and followed Jax and Soph to Sophie's bedroom. It was smaller than the one she'd had in Chicago, but it would do. Sighing a little at the sight of all the boxes, she made a mental note to start in here in the morning. Maybe if she gets Soph set up, that could buy the rest of them time to work on the rest of the house without a three-year old underfoot.
As Jax laid her in bed, she grabbed one of the books they had bought the day before as a little bedtime reading. When she went to sit on the bed with Soph, Soph looked up at her. "Wha's that?" Pointing to the small picture on the bookcase by the bed.
She shook her head at Soph. "I have no idea, baby. Can you hand that to me?" She looked up at Jax.
He handed it to her with a slight smile. "I'd say that looks like..."
"My mom." She breathed out quietly.
"Nana?" Soph yawned. "But who?" Another yawn erupted from her daughter.
She smiled as she looked up at Jax. "I think Daddy is gonna go get the man to answer that question, isn't he?" Both her and Sophie giving him their combined puppy dog eyes.
Jax chuckled while shaking his head slightly. "New rule. The two of you cannot use that look on me at the same time. Never." Laughing as he left the room.
She hugged Sophie and laughed. "Well, we won't be following that rule now will we?" Sophie laughed with her.
"No, mommy." Sophie's eyes gleaming with a conspiratorial spark. "Tha's a dumb rule."
She kissed her daughter's hair. "It is, baby. It is." Hearing two sets of footsteps nearing the room.
She had a pretty good idea of who else was in the picture. And she had heard part of the story behind it from Rip, long ago. She just wanted to hear the rest from the horse's mouth.
/
Tig was surprised when Jax came back out from the Baby Doll's room as fast as he had. He'd heard from reliable sources that Jax had actually read Sophie a bedtime story the night before. He was even more surprised when Jax made a beeline towards him.
"Jules and Soph want you." Jax's voice was stern but the man had a smile playing around the edge of his lips so it couldn't be anything too bad.
"Sure." He sat his beer down and waved off Clay and Gem's guffaws as he followed Jax back to Sophie's bedroom. He shook his head at the sheer number of boxes and totes stacked around the house. The girls were gonna be busting ass if they were planning on everything being done in the next day or so, so the little man could finally come home.
When they reached the door of the bedroom he couldn't contain the smile that broke out. Soph and Jules were cuddled up on the bed, heads full of riotous black curls bent over… oh. Yeah, now he gets why he's been summoned.
Jules smiled up at him. "I was just gonna read her this story." Waving a thin book in the air. "But me and Miss Thing here decided we'd rather hear this story." Tapping a fingernail on the glass of the picture frame.
"Tha's righ' Papa." Soph had dropped the 'other' about a day ago. "You need to tell us da stowy."
He glanced back at Jax who was planted in the doorway. Jax raised an eyebrow that said he wasn't goin' anywhere. He glanced back at Jules and Soph who were wielding twin puppy-dog looks at him.
Sighing, he looked back over his shoulder at Jax. "This doesn't leave this room. Got it?"
Jax chuckled ruefully as he nodded. "Not a word, brotha."
"Okay." He turned to his daughter and granddaughter and took a deep breath.
/
Jax watched from the doorway as Tig steeled himself. He wasn't sure why other than the fact that he was leaning on the wall just inside the doorway, listening in.
Tig lowered himself down to the floor by the bed. Once he was settled, Tig reached over and took the picture from Jules' hand. His old lady didn't looked thrilled to lose her hold of it. Tig laid it on the bed between the three of them.
"This was your Nana's tenth birthday party." Tapping his finger lightly on Jules' mom. "And obviously it was at the end of the party."
Sophie laughed. "'Cause you all covered in cake!" He bit back a smile as Sophie lunged towards Tig, hugging him. "Silly Papa!"
He'd noticed how Tig melted every single time either Jules or Sophie touched him in anyway. He'd read once about how people could become touch starved. Tig wasn't really touch starved considering the man's appetites, but maybe one can be starved of certain kinds of touches. Like familial touches. He can't even remember the last time one of Tig's other daughters had been around.
He watched Tig let Sophie go as the man pointed back to the picture. "No, silly Papa Rip." He grinned at the picture. "He started the cake fight. Your Nana and I were just defending ourselves."
He loved watching the enthralled look on both his girls faces. He could see that this was a story that Jules already knew some of, but was eager to hear it again. He understood, he still loved hearing stories about his dad.
"Was Nana's mommy mad tha you made a mess?" He chuckled a little at his daughter's question.
"Not really." Tig smiled. "See that mess right there?" He pointed at a spot on the picture. He couldn't really see it from where he was standing.
"You mean the giant blob of frosting on her forehead?" Jules laughed. "Kinda hard to miss it."
"It's purple!" His daughter pointing out the obvious as kids are wont to do.
"It is, Baby Doll." Tig ruffled her curls. "And your great-Nana Claudette put it there!" Exaggerating his voice some.
Sophie's eyes got wide. "She did?" Sophie turned to Jules. "Would you do that to me Mommy?"
Jules gave a full bodied laugh at that. "You bet I would, baby. In a heartbeat."
"Maybe we can have my birfday outside and we could have a cake fight." Sophie seemed way to enamored of that idea.
"Doubtful." Jules laughed and kissed their daughter's head. "But I'll get it on the list, only a couple of weeks away at this point."
"I'll be fwee." Soph was exhausted. She was starting to slur words like she was three sheets.
"I know." Jules started to untangle herself from their daughter, making Sophie lay down. "I was there."
"Papa, was Nana your fwiend?" Sophie yawned as she asked Tig, who was getting up from his spot on the floor.
He felt his chest tighten a little at the look on Tig's face. Other than when Tig and Jules had their conversation a few days ago, he's never seen Tig look so open. There was such a sadness mixed with he wasn't even sure what on the older man's face. Then it was gone and Tig just smiled at Sophie softly.
"She was sweetheart, she was my best friend other than Papa Rip." Tig's voice was quiet in an even quieter room.
He noticed the slight sheen of tears in Jules' eyes, but he kept himself still, afraid to break the moment.
"I bet you had a wot of fun." Soph barely got the words out as her eyes started to close.
Tig leaned down and gave Soph a kiss on the forehead. "We did, sweetheart. Sweet dreams."
Tig straightened up and gave Jules a brief, hard hug as he kissed the side of her head. "Night, doll. Think I'm gonna head back to the clubhouse."
Jules patted Tig's back as he was leaving. "Good night. You're welcome for waffles and bacon in the morning if you want."
"Sounds good, sweetheart." Tig hustled past him, giving him a quick wave.
He touched Jules arm as he leaned down to give a nearly asleep Soph a kiss. "Night, baby. I love you."
"Wuv you Daddy." Was whispered as she turned over and cuddled with her stuffies.
Standing up, he wrapped an arm around Jules as they left the room. "Time to get drunk?" He laughed. "Or in your case, shit-faced?" Accepting the pinch he knew was coming with a grin.
Jules laughed. "Nah, as tempting as that sounds." She nodded her head at the stacks of boxes lining the hallway. "Lu is gonna be here bright and early."
He shook his head. "And she does not seem like someone I want to deal with hung over." He started to backtrack at the risen eyebrow on his girl's face. "She's nice and very helpful..."
He nearly had to hold Jules up when she started to giggle. "Wow. I think I just got whiplash from that." She managed to get out. "Dude, not even Pop wants to be around her when he's hung over." She finally got the giggles under control as the man himself appeared at the end of the hall.
"Around who when I'm hungover?" Jake raised an amused eyebrow.
"Lu." Jules grinned at Jake. "Pop, you might be a morning person, but you're not a cheerful morning person." Jules giggled a little more. "You're more the 'I'm so used to being up at the break of dawn that I tolerate it.'." Jules leaned into him a little as she continued to grin at Jake. "Lu on the other hand is..." Jules popped a little dance move. "Good day, sunshine!" He reached out a hand to steady her a little as she wobbled at the end of her dance step. She gave him a smile over her shoulder. "Thanks, babe."
"My pleasure." He grinned back at her.
Jake grinned at the both of them. "Well, you won't have to worry about Lu being here at the crack of dawn. We're gonna have breakfast with Slim and Grace; I told Lu the earliest she could come over here was eight-thirty."
"Thanks, Pop." Jules laughed. "You guys heading out?"
"Yeah, I think Clay and Gemma are getting ready to head out too." Jake nodded as his mom and Clay came out of the kitchen with Jules' grandpa and other aunt behind them.
Jules moved to say good-night to her family as his mom came over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Night, baby." Then leaned on the wall by him as they waited for Jules and the others to finish their good-nights. "I've already told Clay I'll be in and out of the garage all day tomorrow." His mom nodded towards Jules and Lu, who looked to be coordinating something on their phones. "They want to bring Abel home day after tomorrow." His mother sounding cautiously optimistic.
"You don't think it's possible?" Keeping his voice low.
His mother snorted. "Anyone else and I'd say no." Nodding towards Jules and her family. "Those people? Hell, they'll probably have all of this done by happy hour tomorrow." Rolling her eyes with a fond smirk. "Sophie comes by her energy honestly."
He chuckled. His mother wasn't wrong. Jules had been very vocal in her displeasure at being forced to take it easy. "More than likely. On all of it." Giving his mom a hug as Clay jerked his head towards the door in the universal signal that he was ready to go the fuck home. "Night, mom. Love you." Letting her go.
Jules gave his mom a quick kiss on the cheek in passing. "Thanks for putting them up Gemma, I'm sure Gramps will get a better night sleep at your place than he would at a hotel."
His mom waved her off as she herded Jules aunt and grandfather out the door. Jules turned to him with a grin. "Or should I have thanked her for putting up with them?" She shrugged. "Oh well, too late now." Then a shifty look came over her beautiful face. "Maybe I can get Dennis to thank her for putting up with them." She shook her head with a slightly disappointed look on her face. "Nah, Dennis isn't dumb enough to do that. Damn."
He leaned back on the wall of the hallway and started to laugh. Jules looked at him like he'd lost the plot a little. He shook his head, still chuckling. "How much of your time is devoted to finding ways to make Dennis squirm?"
She started to laugh along with him. "Probably more than I should." She leaned in and gave him a kiss. "But it's so entertaining." She sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Should we see how long everyone who's left is hanging out? Other than Eric and Jase, that is." Giving a minute shoulder shrug. "Maybe watch a movie. They were pretty good about labeling between me and Soph's DVD's, shouldn't be too hard to find something we can all agree on." Then a slightly wicked look came into her eyes. "Or we just kick everyone but Jase and Eric out, tell them to find a movie with a ton of explosions, and go the fuck to bed."
He laughed as he kissed her. "As great as the second option sounds..." He looked around at all the boxes in the hallway, knowing that with the exception of kitchen and bathroom, all of the other rooms were just as cluttered. "How about option three?" Kissing her again. "We keep everyone here, throw in a movie, and unpack the living room." He laughed as she made a face at him. He'd already come to know it as the 'Ugh, I hate that you are possibly making sense' face. He'd seen it thrown at Dennis more than a few times. "Babe, if we really want to have Abel home day after tomorrow..." He didn't like using the Abel card, but it's been a long road and he was more than ready to have his son at home.
"We should really get some shit done tonight." Jules sighed, a more than slight smile on her face. "Yeah, it's time for him to be home." Laughing, she leaned into him as they started to make their way back to the living room. "But don't think I don't know your evil alternative reason; you just want to get a hold of the photo albums."
Wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in tight, his lips caught hers in a kiss hard enough to catch both of them a little off guard. When sense came back to both of them, the laughed as he lightly tapped his forehead against hers. "You caught me, babe."
Instead of the sarcastic retort he expected, a soft smile crossed her face. "Yeah, I did." Kissing him breathless again. "And I'm never letting go." As she began to drag him off to the living room.
'And aren't you grateful for that.' A faint voice from the back of his mind breaking through.
Yeah. Grateful, thankful and down in his bones happy. As he began to try and follow the already deep debate on the movie to be put in, he caught his best friend's eye. Opie ambled over. "You know you are a lucky bastard, right?" His best friend muttered in his ear with a smirk.
Looking over to where Jules was sitting with Tara and Donna arguing with Dennis and Jase over movies, he turned with a smirk of his own. "I'd say we both are, brother." Taking Ope's bottle of beer and snagging a quick drink.
Ope nodded. "Yeah, we are." Then gestured towards the group. "Should we get in there, make sure that we aren't stuck with a chick flick?"
"Absolutely." He laughed as he and Ope joined the verbal melee. This life, that had struck like lightning was already shaping up better than he could have ever thought.
A/N: Thanks for reading I hope that you've enjoyed! There will be one more moving day/night chapter than finally a small time skip to Abel coming home and the return of Wendy.
I hope all of you are doing well physically, emotionally and spiritually in these strange and daunting times. Be good to yourselves and to others, it's the only way we'll make it through.