Snippets

Mind Games

"At long last," Paulette declared with a dark chuckle. "I have...wait, this isn't the mind that I had wanted to control."

Paulette appeared to be inside a large, luxurious mansion.

"Oh, it seems we have a visitor." Mental Weiss called out. "Hey, servants! Bring us some coffee!"

Mental Yang, currently wearing a maid outfit, could only groan. "Oh, whine! Whine! Whine!"

"Do we have to?!" Mental Blake couldn't help but ask. "We're just so lazy, and stupid, and annoying!"

"And I'm pretty sure we all disrespect you behind your back!" Mental Ruby, who was also a maid, declared. "We just can't prove it, yet…"

"...and I thought I had issues."

"Oh, don't worry: we know she's not really like this." Mental Yang said with a grin. "This is just her way of relieving some stress."

Mental Blake gave a nod. "After everything she's been through, some of which I had a personal connection with no less, I feel it pertinent to let her get some of her frustrations out there."

"And besides, she's just too cute to ignore." Mental Ruby remarked, before giving Mental Weiss a peck on the cheek.

Mental Weiss merely blushed in reply. "You dolts all drive me nuts at times, but even still, I couldn't have asked for a better team."

"Ugh, I think I just threw up a little," Paulette said in the face of all this sappiness.

"But enough chit-chat!" Mental Weiss snapped. "Coffee! Now!"

"Yes, mistress!" Mental Ruby skipped off, but stopped to look back. "I don't respect you…" she whispered, only to give a smirk. "I love you." She then blew a kiss before continuing to skip off.

"I swear: that girl is going to give me diabetes." Mental Weiss said with a blush.

"You and me both." Paulette said with a grown. "I need to get out of here fast."

As if on cue, back in the real world, Summer knocked Weiss out, with Paulette using the opportunity to jump to the closest potential host...which turned out to be the so-called "Invincible Girl".

"Welcome to my humble abode," Mental Pyrrha called out as she snuggled up with a mental projection of Jaune.

Paulette let out a groan. "This isn't the mind that I had wanted either!"

"Hey, that's not a nice thing to say, Paulette!" Mental Ruby declared.

"Wait, what? What are you doing here?" Paulette couldn't help but ask.

"Why wouldn't I be here to look after my godchildren?" Mental Ruby said with a smile.

"I repeat, wait, what?"

"What can I say?" Mental Pyrrha declared. "With how wholesome she is, I couldn't ask for a better godmother to my children. The fact that she's such a good friend to Jaune and that she doesn't judge me based on my fame is just icing on the cake."

"There's cake?!"

Mental Pyrrha chuckled. "Jaune, dear, why don't you get us some refreshments?"

"Of course, my Red Huntress."

Mental Pyrrha swooned. "I'll be waiting, my Huntsman."

"Ugh, I need to get out of here…" Paulette groaned out. As if tempting fate itself, Summer began viciously beating Pyrrha into submission.

"Hey, Weiss? Are we still talking on our scrolls?"

"Ah! Excellent!" Paulette left Pyrrha's mind, following the sound of the new voice until she entered a new mind. "Because I love talking on our scrolls! What? What am I doing back in this idiot?!"

Paulette was then confronted by all of Ruby's personifications of herself and her friends. Mental-Ruby bravely warned the intruder to leave while Mental-Penny lovingly hugged her and kissed her cheek. Mental-Weiss was keeping as close to Mental-Ruby as possible, failing to hide her blush as she denied her feelings in a very tsundere fashion. Mental-Yang kept telling stupid puns and complimenting her girlfriend's butt while Mental-Blake cradled her girlfriend's boxum bosom while purring, lovingly. Team JNPR included a perpetually vomiting Mental-Jaune, a brave and affectionate Mental-Pyrrha, a crazed, violent Mental-Nora, and a mysterious and edgy Mental-Ren. Team CFVY was there, as well, although Paulette couldn't hear most of the team with Mental-Velvet's cockney accent.

The rage fragment could only stare at the bumbling mental images with a deadpan glare. "I am going… to murder… all of you." She growled.

"Aw, that's not very nice." Mental Ruby declared with a flat look. "I thought you were my sister."

"Just because we bonded does not mean that I like every aspect of you." Paulette readily replied. "...but I suppose it could be worse: at least I know what to expect here."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Mental-Ruby turned to her team. "Alright, everyone, we have a dangerous enemy in our midst. We all remember what she's capable of. So the way I see it, we have to select one of three options. Option one: we talk - we try to reason with Paulette and convince her to leave us alone."

"Madness, you dolt!" Mental-Wiess snapped. "We'd have better luck convincing Yang to stop telling bad puns!"

"Option two: we run - we get to the Manta and get as far away from here as possible."

"Insanity!" Mental-Blake shook her head. "She'll hunt us down no matter where we go!"

"And option three: we fight." Mental-Ruby glared at her mental sister as she burst into hysterical laughter. "No, why is - hey, seriously - why is fighting her so absurd?"

"Because fighting Paulette is just 'certain painful death' with more letters!" Mental-Yang exclaimed. "It's suicide with delusions of survival!"

Paulette actually chuckled at that last remark. "'Suicide with delusions of survival.'" She conjured a notepad and pen in her hands. "I'm writing that one down."

"I'm with Ruby-senpai." Mental-Penny hugged her lover from behind with a determined nod. "Option three. We fight."

"Yeah. Option whatever." Mental-Jaune and the rest of JNPR agreed.

"NANI?!" Mental-Yang stuttered. "Why?!"

"Because, my love, this mind belongs to Ruby. Not Paulette." Mental-Blake purred, defensively.

"I must concur with Penny," Mental Weiss declared as she readied her sword. "If we're going down, we're going down fighting...and besides, I owe her some payback for trying to kill me off during her last visit to this place."

Mental Penny smiled. "I appreciate the support, co-wife."

"Do...don't be ridiculous," Mental Weiss declared with an angry blush. "It's not like I'm okay with sharing Ruby with you, baka!"

Paulette blinked. "...I think Ruby's been watching a little too much anime lately."

"Blasphemy!" cried out multiple Mental counterparts at once.

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous," Paulette said with a groan.

"I couldn't agree more," a certain woman in a white cloak called out. "Let's make a deal."

"Excellent, Summer! I always knew you could see reason! Now, we can talk, and as long as nothing bad happens I can-" Paulette was cut off as someone snuck up behind her, forcing her out of Ruby's mind and into someone else's. The rage-fragment sighed, tiredly. "Ugh, I can't help but feel as if I set myself up for that."

"Go away," Mental Jaune called out.

Paulette merely laughed. "Ah, finally, a mind that recognizes my superiority and trembles before it."

"What? I'm not afraid of you." Mental Jaune said with a shake of his head. "I just want you to go away, as if you stay too long, they'll be able to find me."

"Wait, who will be able to find you?" Paulette couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, Jaune~" a voice teasingly called out, revealed to be one of 7 female figures, one of whom Paulette was able to recognize as the mental representation of Amarilla.

"Oh, right, you have seven sisters," Paulette said with a shrug - having picked up on that information from her time with Ruby - even as Mental Jaune froze in fear. "But come on: how are any of them scarier than me?"

Less Than A Minute Later…

"Hide me!"

"No, you hide me!"

"They always run," Mental Saphron teasingly called out.

"Okay: that was terrifying." Paulette was forced to admit after escaping from Jaune's mind sometime later.

"And it's about to get worse," an unfamiliar entity called out. "For you have foolishly decided to invade the mind of my chosen vessel. Prepare to face the wrath of the Spring Maiden."

"Wait, the Spring Maiden?" Paulette couldn't help but ask. "But that means that…"

"Look alive, whelp!" Mental-Raven shouted, aiming her katana at Paulette even as she chose to interrupt the angry entity. "There's a dangerous spirit on the loose, and we need to be on full alert! The Spring Maiden won't be enough, this time. I need the people I trust most; Tai, Vernal, Yang, and Ruby!"

"And who are they?" Paulette arched an eyebrow as she pointed to a group of drunken Mental-Qrows stumbling around and muttering unintelligible gibberish.

A rocket launcher materialized in Mental-Raven's hands, which she then aimed at the mental images of her twin. She pulled the trigger, firing the rocket that blew them all up before giving a simple reply. "Stress relief."

A few minutes later, after jumping minds again and managing to escape the horrifyingly graphic bedroom fantasies running through Yang's mental landscape, Paulette came upon a baby carriage. At first, Paulette thought she had been given a chance to alter Yang's perception of her half-doppelganger daughter, but she could not have been more wrong. Instead, the carriage contained an infantile Ruby Rose wrapped in a cute pink blanket. Next to the baby was a note, which she read to herself.

"This is my sweet, innocent baby sister, Ruby. She is the purest cinnamon roll and will continue to stay that way so long as I draw breath. That Ice Queen Bitch and glorified wind-up doll will NEVER touch her. Sincerely, Yang Xiao Long."

"... I can't tell if this is just wishful thinking, or full-on delusional perceptions." The rage-fragment tossed the note aside and went further into Yang's mind. She passed doors labeled "puns," "better puns," "innuendos," and finally, "mom and dad." Curiously, she opened the door, only to find two more doors. One was labeled, "what I heard," and the other was labeled "what actually happened." She opened the first door and saw an image of Taiyang and Raven.

Taiyang was holding a bottle of champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries. "Y'know, Raven, you should join me in meditation." The elder blonde brawler gave his former partner/lover a coy smile. "It might do you some good to get some… spiritual release."

In response, the image of Raven revealed a package of condoms and a bottle of lube as smooth jazz started to play in the background. "I was actually thinking you could use… your sword skills on me."

Paulette immediately slammed the door and moved on to the one labeled "what actually happened." Again, an image of Taiyang and Raven appeared, only this time, they weren't holding anything.

"Raven, I'm just saying, some meditation sessions may be healthy for you! Maybe even help you get rid of all that misplaced anger."

"I swear, Taiyang, if your face wasn't so pretty, I'd be smacking it with my scabbard."

"...I think it's safe to say that Yang Xiao-Long has some issues that she needs to work out." was the only thing Paulette could think to say at this moment before she decided to try her luck with someone else.

"Hey, Paulette," Mental Yang declared as she held a Mental Projection of Blake close once Paulette had gotten to the next mental landscape. "I see you're up your usual mind games...though who knows Xiao Long you'll be able to keep it up."

"Indeed," Mental Blake said with a smile. "I'm not feline very pleased with it myself."

Paulette groaned. "Of course Yang's wife loves puns in Taiyang's mind...but I can work with this so long as nothing else happens."

"Hi, kids!" Mental Taiyang called out as he suddenly appeared.

"Hey, Dad: what's up right now?" Mental Yang replied.

"What do you think? The clouds in the sky." Mental Taiyang remarked.

Paulette instantly paled. "Oh no: the only thing worse than puns…"

"By the way, I just want to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks...for keeping me off the streets."

"Dad jokes!" Paulette groaned out in despair.

Again, someone knocked her current host unconscious, and Paulette found herself inside a castle filled with skyscrapers of pancakes.

"Oh, gods! Where am I now?!"

Mental Nora, currently surrounded by multiple half-naked Rens feeding her pancakes, couldn't help but give a laugh. "Oh, yeah, baby! Keep it together, boys! There's plenty of Nora to go around! Oh, hey, Paulette! How are you enjoying my funhouse?" She gestured to where Mental Pyrrha and Jaune were currently making out with a wide grin. "All the cool kids come here!"

"Then my first order of business will be to kill all the cool kids." Paulette couldn't help but growl out.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Mental Yang declared, looking more gung ho than her real life counterpart.

Needless to say, Paulette was surprised to see her. "Wha…?"

Mental Nora shrugged. "Hey, she makes for a good sparring partner, and besides, I know that she's already busy with Blake, so she won't be stealing my man anytime soon."

"Not that she could," one of the Mental Rens declared before kissing her on the cheek. "You're the only woman for me."

"What is with these guys and trying to kill me with sappiness?" Paulette groaned out.

This time, the rage fragment willingly leapt out of the mind and headed for the cat faunus.

Paulette nearly gave a sigh of relief as she looked around the landscape. "Finally, a normal looking mind."

"Doesn't mean that you are safe, though."

Paulette merely chucked, having recognized that voice. "I'd like to see you try, Xia-Looooh crud." she declared with a gulp, for there, standing in front of her, was Yang, looking every bit like the strong Grizzly Bear that Blake saw her as, growling in her face. To make matters worse, standing not too far behind her was the defiant Fox that was Weiss Schnee as well as the pure little Panda that represented Ruby. "Maybe I'll just leave now."

"You aren't going anywhere just yet."

Paulette gulped as she turned around, noting that all of the students were represented by one animal or another, only to momentarily blink at what she saw. "...before you all try and attack me, I've got to ask: why…?"

"...aren't I a Fox?" Mental Fox - who was actually being represented by a giant bat - finished the malicious entity's question with a shrug. "Well, I am blind, so even if it's feeding into a stereotype, this fits me better than my namesake, not to mention that much like the winged mammal, I get my strength from my friends. Besides, Flying Foxes are totally a thing."

Paulette nodded, before looking towards someone else. "Right, which leads to my next question: why...?"

Mental Velvet - who was represented by a Rabbit - simply snorted. "Oh, like I was going to be anything else."

"...okay, fair point," Paulette slowly replied. "Lastly, if this is Blake's mind, where's…?"

"Right here." Mental Blake replied, shown as a small kitten.

"Oh, there you are, my sweet little kitty cat." Mental Yang declared, going over and gently licking Mental Blakes's fur.

"...man, Blake has some weird fantasies." Paulette couldn't help but remark.

"Meh, that's just part of why I love her," the grizzly Mental Yang said with a smile before gaining a glare. "Now, were there any other questions you had before you bear witness to our wrath?"

"...no, I'm good." Paulette said with a gulp even as he internally cringed at the pun. "I'm just going to start running now."

Some time later, Paulette took a moment to rest her hands on her knees, desperately trying to catch her metaphorical breath from all the jumping around. After the initial adrenaline wore off, she found herself puzzled by the mind she was currently inside. Ren's inner mind appeared to be nothing more than a near-exact replica of Team JNPR's dorm room, with his own mental image sitting on his bed, reading a book. Paulette couldn't help but arch an eyebrow as she addressed him.

"What's this? No personalized decorations? No comedic interpretations?"

Mental Ren just shrugged. "Meh. Who's got time for that?"

"Ren?" Mental Nora called out. "Can I read your book with you?"

"Absolutely, Pancake." Mental Ren declared as he snuggled up to the girl.

And yet again, Paulette was forced to find a new host as Ren was knocked out.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore! I…! I…" Paulette ceased her rant as she took in her surroundings. This time, she seemed to be on a tropical island with a cool sea breeze brushing across her face as the warm sunlight rays made her skin tingle. "Wait… this place feels… familiar."

Suddenly, a brilliant green light shone from inside a beach house. The door opened and out stepped a familiar hooded huntress carrying two robotic babies, followed by an older robotic child, and finally, the source of the green light. Penny Polendina was emitting a powerful green aura as she approached the Maiden fragment. "Salutations, friend! How may my wonderful family and I help you?"

"Wait… is this…? Am I…?" Paulette's face slowly twisted into a sinister grin. "Yes… yeeeees! With this discovery, I shall conquer all of Remnant! I shall have my revenge, and nothing will stand in my way! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I don't think so," Summer declared before knocking Penny out.

Paulette groaned as she woke up inside Summer's mind sometime later. "Wha...what am I doing here?! Meh, never mind that: at least I know that I won't have to deal with any sort of torture inside of here."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Mental Summer declared as she appeared before the malicious entity, flanked by her own Mental variations of Team RWBY and company, all armed to the teeth and ready to punish Paulette for everything that she'd done.

"...well that's not fair at all."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Mental Raven remarked. "We don't give a fuck."

Needless to say, Paulette was in for a world of pain after that.

Trippy

Late one night, Anna Hullum was whistling to herself as she left Rooster Teeth studio when she spotted Lindsay Jones on one of the animators' computers. "Hey, Lindsay. You're here late."

"Oh, hey, Anna." Lindsay replied. "Yeah, I like to stay late sometimes and mess with the animators' browser history."

Anna merely chuckled in response. "Oh, here. Type this; M-E-A-T-S-P-I-" ...and that was as far as she got before she heard something get knocked over down the hall. "Someone's coming! Hide!"

No sooner did the two of them hide, however, two figures, one carrying a katana and the other wearing a red cloak, came out from the hallway.

"Watch where you're going!" Raven growled out as her niece bumped into her.

"Sorry!" Ruby nervously declared. "I can't see anything!"

Raven simply sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry: we're both in unfamiliar territory here."

"It's fine, Auntie Raven: I forgive you." Ruby called out as she gave the woman a hug.

Raven couldn't help but give a light chuckle in reply. "You truly are your mother's daughter. Now come on: let's find your sister and get out of here."

"What was that?" Lindsay couldn't help but ask after the duo had left, unable to shake the feeling that they were familiar somehow.

"I'm not sure," Anna declared, "but I'll go and investigate. You hold this position." With that she left to check things out, even as Lindsay hid under one of the desks, hugging a Caboose plushie to her chest as she does.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Yang was going through the fridge just as Barbara Dunkleman rounded the corner.

"Okay, let's see…" Yang called out. "Too healthy, not sweet enough... vegetables?! Ugh! Where the hell do they keep the strawberries?!"

Eventually, Barbara couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. "Hey, what're you doing?"

"Uh, nothing!" Yang nervously declared. "Just cleaning up the mess here, ma'am!"

"Ah, kitchen duty, huh?" Barbara remarked with an understanding smile. "Sorry, girl. I hate cleaning. Tell ya what? If you're looking for strawberries, check behind the prune juice."

Sure enough, Yang found herself smiling as she spotted a small bowl of strawberries in the spot that Barbara had described. "Aw, sweet! Tell ya what, maybe we can split these!"

Barbara merely smiled in return. "Sounds great, and I got just the thing to wash 'em down with!"

Yang just gave a smile of her own as she stepped out from behind the refrigerator door. Needless to say, however, Barbara is shocked to see that she's been talking to the character she voiced for a popular web animation, so much so that she accidentally dropped the bottle of vodka she had acquired.

Yang, meanwhile, simply blinked in response. "Uh, I'm not cleaning that up."

Guide to Making Friends

"Alrighty, amigos! It's your old gal-pal Sally, again! So, before we end this chapter and start the real story's finale arc, I thought I'd take this opportunity to hit you all with the origin of-"

"Friendship?"

"... uh, whoa, dude. How'd you get in here?"

"I used the door."

"You used a door? To get into this fourth wall-breaking chapter epilogue? You found a door to do that?"

"Yep. It was next to the broken window outside of the lady's restroom."

"... I am not even mad. Color me impressed."

"Thank you."

"So, uh… did you have a story or something, dude?"

"Oh! Yeah! I would like to talk about my life hacks!"

"Well, okay then, Roja Amiga… the floor is yours."

Ruby Rose cleared her throat as she put a ukulele record on and began her lecture. "Hello! My name is Ruby!" The hooded huntress looked up to see "ME" being written above her. "Uh, excuse me! Yeah, uh, I said 'Ruby!'" She scolded, resting her hands on her hips. The words were erased and replaced with "Ruby."

"Much better…" Ruby sighed before turning back to the audience with a smile. "Anyway, I'm a huntress! And for a really long time, I lived at this school. And it was pretty great! I had friends!" Suddenly, a few crude doodles of Weiss, Blake, and Yang were scribbled into existence and lifted Ruby onto their shoulders. "They really liked me! Now, I know what you're thinking. But…"

"NOT BECAUSE I AM PSYCHIC…..."

"You were thinking, 'Ruby, how did you get so good at making friends? I'd like to make friends, too! We can have cookies together!' Well, I will tell you! But only if you share those cookies… and that they are chocolate chip."

The doodles disappeared, leaving Ruby in a blank background. "First, you need to know what makes good friend material. Cotton is most people's favorite friend material… mainly because it is soft. But in my personal experience it catches on fire pretty easily. Other materials you may want to avoid are; spiders, cactus, snow, water left over from melted snow, rock, aaaand imaginary. Personally, I really like metal!"

A crude sketch of steel I-beams scribbled next to Ruby, who then proceeded to craft it into Penny Polendina. "Metal is pretty much the best friend material, mainly because it is durable." Penny used one of her laser swords to deflect a few bullets from the White Fang. "It is strong!" Penny then blasted the White Fang with a laser beam. "And even if it may seem odd, it is great at giving kisses!" Penny smooched Ruby's cheek before disappearing.

In her place, Freckles was blasting Torchwick's mercenaries in his Paladin body while Ruby continued her narration. "Friends will always be there for you when you need them! To give you a piggyback ride! Or murder evil soldiers!" Freckles was suddenly blown to pieces, and Ruby hurriedly reassembled him into Rose Thorn. "But whenever your friends are having a hard time, you have to be there for them, too!"

Freckles disappeared, leaving Ruby alone once more. "Yeah, friends are pretty great. But! There is nothing better than having a BEST FRIEND!" Ruby cheered as Penelope popped up and the duo began frolicking around the blank landscape. "Best friends are the best because they're the ones you can share everything with! You can spend all your time with them! Tell them secrets! Talk about how Yang's puns are stupid! I mean, they - they are just - ugh, they're awful. But…" Penelope's form flickered, split into multi-colored fragments, then faded away. "Sometimes… you will lose a friend. Maybe… even your best friend."

Ruby sadly moped around, mourning the absence of her Maiden friend before collapsing face-first onto the ground. "Maybe you get into a fight. Maybe you grow apart. Maybe they're destroyed in a magic blast. These things happen. It's just a sad, sad, sad, saaaaaaaaaaad, sad, sad part of life…"

Just then, the doodle forms of Team RWBY, as well as JNPR, CFVY, and what remained of CPPR came along to lift Ruby up, hand her a wrench, and help her tinker with more steel. "But y'know… I think the best thing about having friends - or one of the best things at least - is that no matter how many friends you do lose… you can always make more. And… that's pretty neat."

The End...for now ;)