POV: Alex
Christmas had passed without anything notable. It was boring, dull, and emotionally draining. Most of my family avoided me, their movements were subtle however. They would shift in their seats, moving away without my notice. Eyes would look away from mine, nobody made direct eye contact, except my mom, dad, and sister. Everyone else just did their best at forgetting I was even there at the dinner table.
The only thing more frustrating than being avoided, were the constant questions about myself. "Any herbivore friends?" "A girlfriend?" "Is she a grey wolf?" "Another species?" Those were just some of the questions I was asked, the others were a little bit more...personal. Of course I was angry at them for even thinking I would have thoughts about herbivores, let alone have sex with them. There are some things you just don't say, some things you keep to yourself and filter out. But being snobby, pretentious red deer, none of them had the idea that their words could hurt somebody, let alone their own family member.
It didn't matter in the end though. Life would go on, and it was another Christmas better left in the past. The only useful things I got as presents was a comb for my outrageous winter coat and books on how to be a better carnivore.
Yes, it was a horrible Christmas, nothing out of the ordinary. I would just tell myself I was going to see Steven soon, that all of it was going to be worth it in the end. Just end the year with a kiss and forget about the past, that's all I wanted to do. Kissing him was worth every awkward question, every stare, every whispered insult. Nothing was going to ruin my feelings towards him and the thoughts that spilled into my mind.
Dad was the only member of the family who knew about me liking Steven, and it was kind of weird to think about it. He never had the "talk" with me, school ruined it for me anyway. So I always wondered what was going inside of his head, it honestly made me laugh a couple of times, then immediately feel embarrassed for thinking that way.
Today was the day that I was finally going to confess everything, to finally feel his lips on mine. Today was the day where all of the pain was worth it, where pushing through and getting to where you wanted to go was worth every sleepless night, every break of the heart. All of the stitches I put across it would break and my heart would beat faster than ever, not caring about the world, and accepting myself for the animal I was.
I was going to be alone at the party, Mom and Dad decided to do something at the house. I think the only animal I was going to know was Jordan, that is, if she even showed up. I decided to call her just in case, hoping to have someone else to cling to if my world came crumbling down.
"You're going to the party right?" I said frantically into the phone.
"Uhhh...I think ?" Jordan said.
"What do you mean 'you think'?!"
"Why are you getting so worked up about this?"
"Because!" I couldn't tell her about my plan to kiss Steven.
"Because what?" Her voice echoed back in retaliation.
I hung up, frustrated at the world and myself.
My heart was beating faster than I wanted and I took a couple of deep breaths, hoping it would calm down...it didn't. It only got faster and faster as I thought more about him, about the thing I was going to do. It felt like I was dying, it wasn't pain though, although I wished it was. No, it was more of an aching, a longing for something that was close to come. I knew it to be anxiety, just another panic attack, another freak out over something so small.
It wasn't small though, God it was the biggest thing in the world to me. I couldn't get him out of my head, I didn't want to get him out of my head. I wanted to keep them there, and hold onto the memories of him, hold on to the little intimate times we had together, just in case he rejected me.
He wasn't-couldn't-reject me, because I knew he liked me back. Still, the sensation of panic, of being rejected, of having the world crash down onto me again, was wearing down my heart.
I didn't have the whole thing planned out though, I just knew I was going to kiss him. Whether rain or shine, it was going to happen. Hopefully not in front of everybody, that would've killed me on the spot, probably would've killed both of us. But regardless, the plan was: find a secluded area, tell him how I felt (hopefully he reciprocated it) and then kiss him, and whatever happens after that, happens.
It was perfect in my head, I could see every intricate detail, but things hardly ever went my way. I prepared for the worst, expected the best, probably should've expected the worst, but I was hopeful that everything was going to go smoothly. Nothing could ruin it, maybe if we were constantly watched, that would have ruined it.
️ ️ ️
Day of the party, and I was having a panic attack in the car. I kept it under wraps though, only occasionally fidgeting with my claws, checking the time and looking out the window.
Dad dropped me off at Steven's house. There was a big tree in the yard, and tons of cars parked in the driveway and around the street. I was beginning to second guess myself, my hand hesitating over the door handle. I didn't know what was ahead of me, and it scared me.
"Are you going in?" Dad asked.
I sat in the chair, hand over my heart, trying to control my breathing. "Dad, I don't think I can do this."
"The party?" he said.
"No, what I want to do at the party."
There was silence in the car, the only noise being the light sound of music coming from the house.
"Well I didn't bring any condoms for you, so don't get into too much trouble."
My eyes went wide and I covered my ears. "No Dad! That's not what I meant!"
"Don't get pissy at me! You're the one who made the suggestion vague!"
"Jesus Dad, I'm going to kiss Steven!"
"Oh…well, just be safe."
"Just be safe?!" I spat back, heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't even at his door, I was sitting in the car having a panic attack.
Only me.
He threw his hands in the air. "I don't know Alex, what do you want me to say?"
My voice went quiet. "I don't know." My ears folded over, and I was really second guessing myself on even going. "Just take me home, I don't want to go-"
"You're going," Dad said, unlocking the car door. I looked at him reluctantly. "Go, you're going to have fun. Just call in case anything goes wrong." He glanced off to the side before giving me a reassuring smile. "Good luck."
I took another deep breath, leaving the safety and comfort of the car, walking towards the front door of Steven's home. I knocked on the door...no response, so I rang the doorbell, which seemed broken from the wires sticking out. My mind went blank as Dad's car drove off.
Couldn't you have at least waited until I got into the house?!
My thoughts were shaken away from the door opening in front of me, Steven standing with his perfect smile, a green polo shirt and slim jeans. "Hey Alex, glad you could make it." My beating hard pounded like a hammer against metal in my ears.
"M-Me too." I responded and he opened the door wider for me to enter.
His house wasn't much bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. Just a casual living room with some interesting décor, not much else to say about it except normal, at least he wasn't hiding anything at his house, or if he was some crazy serial killer.
"Jordan isn't coming?" I asked, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"Nah, she said she had something going on. Makes sense, it is New Year's Eve."
"Who else is coming?" I said, subtly moving my eyes around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with him
"Hm? Oh, I invited Nathan and Dalton, I hope that's ok with you." He sighed, his tail slowly moving behind him. "My dad invited some of his work friends, and my brothers are busy at another party."
Damn, so we aren't the only ones.
New plan: bide my time until everyone leaves, then go in for the kiss.
New goal: Survive
"Do you want anything to eat?" Steven asked. "You are kinda early."
"Oh, right...sorry. My dad wanted me to be here early, just in case." My ears drooped in embarrassment, knowing that a couple of minutes ago I just wanted to leave.
He walked into the kitchen and I followed him, glancing at the family photos around the house. There was always this female German shepherd that he never talked about. Maybe it was him mom, but it wasn't my place to ask. He took two glasses from the cupboard and filled them with water. "I know it's not alcohol, but my dads a cop, so this is the best we got."
I laughed. "It's ok, I don't really like the taste of it anyway."
He gave a sigh of relief. "Thank God I'm not the only one. Everyone in my family always picks on me, but it tastes horrible." He chuckled at my tail wagging against the counter.
My anxiety began to ease as I laughed and looked into his eyes.
Was now the right time? Was I supposed to do it now?
"So, how was your Christmas?" he said as we walked back towards the living room and sat on the couch.
"It was ok, it was like every Christmas at the Kingston household. Forget I exist, and talk about herbivore politics." Self deprecation, the best way to start a conversation.
"Every Christmas?"
"Every. Christmas." I reiterated.
His eyes dropped. "Damn, sorry."
I sighed, staring into his eyes. "It's always been like that, I'm used to it by now." I forced a weak smile to my face, wanting to show him that everything was ok, that he didn't need to worry.
"Are you really?" he said.
I nodded in response. "Trust me, it's better this way."
He took a sip from his glass. "Well, it shouldn't be. I mean hell, you're part of their family."
My voice was cold, all emotion draining out. "I wish it were that simple, but no, they don't see me that way. They only see me as this wolf who could devour them at any moment, they don't really want to get to know me in case I eat them."
He scooted closer to me. "Well, if they really knew you, then they would know that you wouldn't hurt anyone." My heart began to race and I could feel his body right next to mine. It wanted to beat out of my chest, my mind screaming at me to go in for the kiss, to finally tell him how I felt. He was so close, his head on my shoulder, my breathing rapid, everything in my body telling me to kiss him.
It was warm, comfortable, and after a while, my breathing slowed, my body going calm.
Can I go where you go?
Our tails wagged together, his head on my chest, everything telling me this was the right moment, that now is when I needed to kiss him, now is when I should've kissed him-
But the intimate encounter was cut short from the door opening, Steven bolting upright and pretending like nothing happened, leaving me completely confused. His ears flopped around, and his nose twitched. "Hey dad," he said as a hulking German shepherd in a large leather jacket pushed through the door, shaking off snow and smiling.
It was scary how similar he looked to Steven. Same fur coloration, same ears, same muzzle...same everything, even eyes. In all of the pictures I saw, his dad never looked that big, he was definitely much taller than me and much larger. It scared me, I was never really scared of other carnivores, I knew I could take them. But looking at him, chills were sent down my spine.
"Hey Steven, I see one of your friends got here early." He tipped his head in hello, his voice strong and assertive. I felt like I was in the wrong for being early, for wanting to spend some time with Steven.
He sat down in the seat opposite of us, glaring me down as Steven rolled his eyes. "Really dad? He's not a predator."
"I know, but I just need to make sure."
My breathing quickened and my pulse ran rampant. Every sense in my body became heightened and my vision focused. My leg bobbed up and down, my tail no longer wagging. It was terrifying to see what Steven would have become if something in his genes just changed a little bit. I mean, his dad was massive
He stared at me for a couple more seconds, then looked away. "Ah, he's fine." I didn't dare move, or breathe a sigh of relief. I just wanted my heart to calm down, I wanted my vision to normalize and not feel like I was in danger.
"Relax," his dad said. "If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already."
Steven's eyes narrowed. "Do you have to torment all of my friends?! This is why I don't bring them over!"
His dad shrugged and walked off to the kitchen, probably to grab a beer. Steven rolled his eyes and sat back down on the couch, rubbing his head. "Sorry about him, sometimes he acts like a child. I'm so glad I'm nothing like him."
Another obstacle to overcome: his dad, who could easily crush me with one tackle.
I chuckled to myself, it was worth it to be next to Steven, to feel his breath on my neck, to smell him.
I got to know his dad a bit more, turns out he was the lead detective on a devouring case. I was surprised that he wasn't the one who devoured an animal, let alone a couple of herbivores. Everything about him just screamed threatening, but his voice was calming and soothing, it didn't match his body type at all. Well, my personality didn't match my species, so I guess it wasn't something completely out of the ordinary.
There was another knock at the door and his dad got up to answer it. Dalton and Nathan walked in, both of them wearing much fancier clothes than I was. I knew it was a party, so I wore...party clothes, or what I thought was comfortable, but they were wearing like, actual clothes. Much better than my black hoodie and plain jeans. I looked and felt out of place, watching as everyone sat down and talked, my voice being drowned out.
Time ticked on, laughter and conversation filling the air. It would've been the perfect party, if only Steven didn't actively avoid me. He wouldn't sit next to me and he barely talked to me anymore. Ever since his dad showed up, he was someone different. I tried to strike up a conversation with him, but he ignored me, talking to Dalton and Nathan instead.
I began to feel like I had done something wrong, that I acted out of line at some point. I replayed every action in my head, seeing no problem with anything, so what was it?
"Who's hungry?" his dad asked, patting his legs and standing up. Everyone followed him outside into the cold winter air and I hesitated, Steven leaving me alone.
Tonight was supposed to be perfect, everything was supposed to go according to plan, but that plan was falling apart.
I excused myself to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and trying not to cry. I contemplated on calling Dad to come pick me up. Maybe I would lie and say there were doing drugs...no that never would've worked.
My reflection looked back at me, black hoodie and worn out jeans. Maybe it was my clothes that sent him off, but he was just laying on my chest a couple of hours ago. No, all of this happened when his dad showed up, it had to do something with him. I tried not to think about it too much, because when I did, I only thought of Dad, and how he acted towards me coming out. Maybe Steven's dad wasn't so accommodating, it was hard to tell since I didn't know him that well.
I left the bathroom with a clear mind, that was all I needed, just some quiet time to reflect. Steven was only acting distance because of his dad, I needed to just go with it, to show him that I still cared either way. It was going to be hard, especially with his dad breathing down my neck and playing the 20 questions game, but it was do-able.
Steven sat next to the campfire as his Dad did something with the grill, I wasn't a cook, so I had no idea what was going on. Nathan and Dalton were distracted in a conversation, and I kept my eyes on Steven, making my expression soft and understanding, but his was cold and distant.
Nathan looked my way. "Do you have any New Year's resolutions Alex?"
My eyebrows creased. "No, it's not something I do. Mostly because when I do make them, I never complete them."
He sighed. "Yeah, me neither, Dalton?"
"If I made them, I would be rich and famous...and I'm neither of those," Dalton said, poking the fire with a metal stick, causing it to shoot up and for him to fall back in his chair.
Steven laughed quietly, that was a good sign at least. Humor seemed to work, and I kept that in mind, even if I wasn't the best at being funny.
"What did you do for Christmas?" Steven asked, looking towards Dalton.
"Well I went to visit some family, if you thought felines had it bad, you've never been stuck in a room full of red foxes. We all look alike, like literally, there's no difference between us."
"Seriously?" I said. "Come on, that's hard to believe, do you think I look like every grey wolf out there?"
Nathan chimed in. "Actually, you kinda do. The only thing distinguishing you is your family."
"Oooh," Dalton said, intrigued. "How's that like? Do they like...make things awkward?"
I sighed, not really wanting to talk about it, but a new year was coming, maybe it was for the best. "They can make some things awkward, sure." I thought back to Dad's comment in the car. "My immediate family doesn't seem to really care anymore, but everyone else just avoids me."
"Damn," Dalton mumbled. "That's messed up."
My shoulders shrugged on instinct. "It was hard, but it's gotten a lot better now." My voice grew low, remembering the past. "Animals change; some for the better, some for the worst. I'm lucky to say it was for the better."
There was a collective silence, listening as the fire crackled and food seared against the grill. I didn't mean to get all sentimental, but I was finding it harder to keep in the emotions, to keep in the words that needed to be said. Each time I did it only ended badly for both parties. Maybe it was just my mind finally changing, finally understanding that it's ok to be broken.
"Well your Dad seems to have changed a lot," Steven said, crossing his legs. "Not mine," he mumbled, so quiet that even my advanced hearing could barely make it out, but it did. Nobody else seemed to notice, and he looked directly at me with a solemn smile.
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you.
Steven's dad passed out paper plates with food on each one, it looked so much like meat. Thankfully, Dalton spoke before I could ask the question. "Mr. Parker, this isn't real meat, right?" Everybody seemed to be thinking the same thing.
Stevens' dad, who I came to know as Mr. Parker, laughed and almost dropped a plate in the fire. "No, don't worry, this isn't real meat. It's just made to look like it, which I don't understand at all."
"It's made to look like meat to satisfy our carnivorous instincts, otherwise we'd be running around eating everybody," Nathan said with a blank expression. We all looked at each other, unsure of what to say. "What?" Nathan said again, looking around at us. "Do you guys not pay attention in school?"
"Clearly not," Mr. Parker said.
We all sat around the fire, enjoying the warmth, only lightly shivering from the cold. I was the only real predator there. Steven and his dad were dogs, no real danger there. Dalton being a fox could've been scary, but he was short...then there was Nathan. Hyenas were definitely not the most welcomed animal, but they didn't get it like I did. Still, I never saw him as a threat.
I couldn't help but smile at everyone, just enjoying the conversation, being a part of everything. My heart would skip a beat when I looked at Steven, just watching him. His tail wagging gently, his ears flopping around. Still though, I couldn't shake this gut wrenching feeling about our differing species. He was a dog, bred to be a more sophisticated wolf, one that wouldn't devour herbivores. And there I was, a wolf in full; claws and jaws powerful enough to easily tear through flesh, and the insatiable urge to eat.
Therapists and my parents always said that I wouldn't eat anyone, that being raised by herbivores made me desensitized to their meat. I also wondered what else I was numb to, what else was I missing for not being raised by wolves?
Mr. Parker turned in his chair to look at me, his eyes seemingly trying to uncover my secrets, the secrets I kept well hidden. "So, Alex. I hear your parents are herbivores, how did that happen?" He sounded genuinely intrigued, but it wasn't something I wasn't comfortable talking about.
Steven's voice rose over the cracking of embers. "Dad! You can't just ask that!"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, it's just not something you see everyday."
There were these compelling feelings to tell him, maybe just small details. "It's ok...I guess." I got questionable looks from everyone, making me fully understand that I never actually talked about it with anyone. I had told animals that my parents were herbivores, but I never really told them what it was like. They didn't need to know my life story though. "Well, life was easy at first. My parents didn't really care that I was different from them, it just showed that it didn't matter what species you were. But, I got older, which then my dad started to realize that I wasn't going to stay a cute and adorable wolf pup anymore…" my voice trailed off, remembering the time Dad locked me in my room for two days because of a devouring he saw on tv, only coming to bring me food and water.
Mr. Parker's eyes turned soft. "I bet it wasn't the best time of your life, you don't need to continue." Steven rolled his eyes towards him, and scoffed lightly.
Nathan looked into the sky, fireworks making their bangs heard in the empty night. "Looks like some animals are already going at it. What time is it?"
"10:30," Dalton replied.
A couple of dogs started to appear by the gate that connected Steven's house to the front yard, I just assumed it to be his dad's friends he was talking about, and tried to ignore their loud voices.
It was weird to be around so many canines, I was so unlike them. Everyone was sociable, their tails wagging like crazy and sniffing each other like crazy, but I was still sitting alone on my folding chair. I wasn't a canine on the inside, I was an herbivore. So being around them, hearing them talk about everything , I just knew I didn't fit in.
Steven and I looked at each other from opposite ends, mouthing words and making up fake conversations. Dalton and Nathan were busy inside doing something, they didn't really specify. "Is it ok if I come sit next to you?" I said. Steven nodded, and I shifted over, making sure to keep some distance. "Does you dad know that you're…" my voice trailed off as fireworks blasted into the sky.
"No," he replied. "I don't want him to know, he doesn't need to know."
"But why?" I pushed the subject further.
He sighed, and stood up, motioning for me to follow. He led me through the house and we ended up in his room, nobody even noticed we were gone. His room was normal for a teenager, just plain green walls and shelves with unread books. There were some clothes on the floor, but other than that, it was clean.
He sat on his bed and patted next to him. I sat down and he laid his head on my shoulder, my breathing and heart rate increased as the warmth of him melted every single part of my body.
"I don't really like talking about it," he said. "I'm sure you've seen the female German shepherd in some of our pictures." He let out a drawn out sigh, closing his eyes and breathing slowly. "That's my mom, she died a couple of years ago."
"I'm sorry," I said. It came out as a whisper, my eyes looking off to the side, feeling ashamed for some reason.
"After she died, dad focused more on us...well, on my brothers. I was forgotten about, left alone while everyone else grieved. I think it caused me to mature faster, I know I act like this happy German shepherd who pretends nothing is wrong in the world. I only do that because I know what it's like to be alone."
My voice was quiet and comforting. "So that's why you don't like being around your dad." He nodded his head and a smile tore at his lips. I laid my head on his. "I don't think he would forget about you again if you told him how you really felt."
"The fear is still there though."
Everyone was crowded around the tv, counting down as the time ticked towards a new year.
3
2
1
Happy New Year…
Cheers erupted around me, glasses clinking and the atmosphere feeling light. Steven stood next to me, letting my hand fall as his dad came around to talk to me. I did my best to engage in the conversation, but I could only think about how this animal treated my best friend, my lover. How he ruined his life and made him fear something that should've been so easy. It made me think about Dad and how he acted, how he treated me. But surely if he changed, Steven's dad could've as well.
The night quieted down, animals left the house, and it was just Steven and I. His dad had gone to bed and we were alone.
"I have an idea," he said. He grabbed the keys near the front door and motioned for me to follow.
"Are you sure? I don't really like sneaking out." He rolled his eyes and pulled me along, fireworks still booming in the sky.
The car ride was quiet, just enjoying the company of each other, smiling and giggling at the thought of sneaking out. I couldn't stop looking at him and smiling, it wouldn't go away. My face, my heart, my body was on fire. I knew the time to finally close the distance, to finally kiss him was drawing ever closer. I just needed to be patient, hoping he was ready for it as much as I was.
"Where are we going?" I asked, ignoring the texts and calls from Mom and Dad.
"Somewhere we can forget about everything."
We pulled up to the familiar tree line, snow blanketing the branches, making everything look white. Steven turned towards me and smiled, his perfect smile. My heart skipped a beat, and he took my shaky hand, leaving the car and walking through the white trees. It was perfect, everything was as it should've been.
I could never look away.
The tree house came into view, decorated with Christmas lights, snow falling off the edges. His hand was warm in mine, our fingers laced together and our breaths visible in the cold winter air. The sky was full of smoke from the fireworks that were shot into the sky. I couldn't see their vibrant colors from the base of the treehouse, but climbing to the top and looking out of the balcony revealed their perfect colors. Blue, red, green, white. All of it tore into the sky, crackling and sizzling with each siren being sent off.
"It's late," I said as we stared into the sky.
"Yeah," Steven said. "Do you want to go inside? I'm kind of cold." He chuckled, rubbing his arms.
"Sure," I replied, grabbing his warm hand and opening the door to the tree house. We sat down on the floor, staring into each other's eyes, never speaking a word, hearing the blasts of fireworks as it rattled the tree house. "It's not much warmer in here," I said.
Steven laughed, both of our tails wagging behind us. Everything was warm, my whole body was on fire, flames lapping at my skin. I needed him more than ever, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
"Honestly," Steven said. "I don't know how we survived that party, it was horrible."
"It wasn't that bad."
He rolled his eyes. "It would've been better if it was just us two, if we could've just been alone."
"We're alone now, aren't we?" I said, grabbing his hand.
He took a deep breath. "We are." His hand brushed against my face. "I don't think you hear this a lot, but your eyes are really pretty."
I grabbed his hand, holding it close to my face, just to feel its warmth. For some reason, sadness was the only emotion my body was allowing me to feel. All the warmth in my body was replaced with cold sadness. All I wanted was to see him happy, to feel him against me. And here he was, tormented by his past, just like I was, broken from things we couldn't control, things we had no power over.
I don't want to think of anything else now that I thought of you.
Tears fell down my face and he wiped them away, his smile never leaving his face. "Alex," he said. "I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye."
I love you.
Fireworks boomed outside, their colors illuminating the sky for only a moment, but those tiny moments of sunshine broke through the windows, lighting up his fur and smile. "You've gotta step into the daylight," he said, as tears appeared in his face. This time, I wiped them away, chuckling softly. "Look at us, now we're both crying. To think, a wolf could bring me to tears." His breathing was slow, and he put his hand against my chest, my heart rapidly beating in my chest.
I love you.
He grabbed my face, laying his head on mine. "I wanna be defined by the things that I love. Not the things I hate, not the things I'm afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that...you are what you love."
I love you.
My heart wanted to beat out of my chest, tears streaming down my face. I didn't even know why I was crying, none of it made sense. I kept screaming in my head that I loved him, but I couldn't say it, the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. It was like my body was attacking itself from the inside, cold and full of despair. No happiness, no hopefulness. Just empty.
But when I looked into his golden eyes, his daylight eyes, my rapid cold heart warmed a little bit.
Another firework went off in the distance, much louder than before.
Was now the time? Was I supposed to do it now? Was it the right thing to do?
My future flashed into view. Us cuddling on our couch, watching tv late at night. We would walk through the city, our hands tied together. Nobody would care, nobody would judge, nobody would look at us. Our parents would be perfectly fine with our relationship, all of the hate and misery in our lives would be gone, replaced with love, replaced with each other.
I hope I never lose you, I hope this never ends.
Steven grabbed my hand, putting it over his chest. His heart was beating just as fast as mine was. It was warm, soothing, comforting even. "See?" he said. "We're in this together."
A white light lit up the tree house, the tree house where secrets were told. Where we could forget about the world, never letting anything get us down, not caring about the world outside.
I love you.
"I don't want to look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't want to think of anything else now that I've thought of you," I said, my voice shaky and uneven.
I love you.
Steven held my trembling hands. "You've been through so much, I don't want to put you through anything else. All I want for you is to be happy, all I want is to see you smile. Please, smile for me." I did my best to force a smile on my mouth, through the tears and heaving of my chest.
His arms wrapped around me, and I cried into his shirt.
He pulled away, looking directly at me, my dull wet eyes never ceasing their downpour of tears.
Then his lips pressed against mine.
My face was on fire, my body was on fire. His lips were warm, burning away each memory of pain, each instance where I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything. Our tails wagged together, our hearts beating fast and our breathing stopped for the moment as both of our eyes were closed. He cupped his hands around my face, leaning more into the kiss, wanting to savor this tiny moment we may never get again.
He pulled away, the fire in my body losing strength.
Can we always be this close?
I wanted to feel more of it, I wanted the heat to return. Cold took its place, and I couldn't take it anymore.
Never in my life did I think I would be the one to kiss someone, that I would actually find love in the horrible life I was living in. But I did, and it was in front of me, each of us breathless.
I leaned in to kiss him, feeling his warm lips against mine, memorizing the shape of his body with my hands, kissing him with as much passion as I could, heart heating up and melting away the frozen fortress around it.
We pulled away, staring at each other, wondering if we should do it again, wondering if we were gonna screw up everything and if this whole thing was nothing more than just teenage hormones.
You're my
My...
My...
My...
Lover.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too, I've always loved you."
Glittering trails of fireworks cascaded down, lighting up the smoky sky, like daylight.
He put his hands on my chest and lightly pushed me towards the floor, kissing me more passionately than before. Each kiss sent electricity through my body-through the air. He was even better than I imagined him to be, all of the pain being taken away, sparks flying in the air. I couldn't get enough of him, I wanted more of him. My hands ran up and down his body, being careful with my claws so as to not hurt him.
Another kiss, more sparks in the air.
He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and began to lift it off my body. I didn't reject-I couldn't reject, our lips were stuck in a dance, eyes closed and the dizzying feeling of lightheadedness washed over me.
My shirt was thrown to the side, the cold air rushing through my fur. It felt amazing, just looking up at him. Gentle eyes stared back at me, and he tore off his shirt, throwing it lazily to the side, leaning in for another kiss, but I did him one better. I grabbed his shoulders and turned him over so I was looking over him, pinning his hands to the floor and kissing him back, using as much force as I could, hoping he got the hint that I didn't want this to be over.
"I wasn't expecting this," he said breathlessly as I pulled away from another kiss.
"Me neither." My voice was more of a growl, coming from the depths of my throat. It scared me for a moment, my body freezing, terrified of the small reminder of what I was.
His smile wavered, caressing my cheek. "Hey, if you're not ready, we don't need to push it." I buried my snout in his neck, our bodies touching. He was so warm, his heart beat was so loud. His fur was soft against mine, and I just wanted to fall asleep on him, just to forget about the world.
"It's not that," I said. "It's what I am."
I pulled him off the floor, kissing him again, his warm lips sending shocks through my body.
"It doesn't matter to me what you are-what you think you are. You may be this big scary wolf on the outside, but to me, you're much more." He rubbed his nose against mine. "This love is ours, nobody else's. The ghost from your pasts may come back to haunt you, but I'm here, and I'll always be here."
"I love you," I said again. "You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
Another kiss.
Sparks flew in the air.
A firework in the distance.