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Someone Wicked, This Way Comes

Despite the very large lunch she'd eaten Daisy was shocked and dismayed to learn that they would not be touching the contents of the gift basket until dinner time. There was food in front of her, therefore she should be allowed to eat it. And truthfully it was hard to argue with her simple toddler logic, since it did all look so very appetizing and ready for the tasting. A compromise was reached in that Eggsy promised Daisy she could have a little bit after she finished her poster for daycare. And helped him with the laundry, which was apparently something she could do. Who knew? But at least she was satisfied with that, and Harry was able to take his leave without any protests from her. The poster and food were once again at the forefront of Daisy's mind, and his presence wasn't required for her to get either.

So with a kiss on her forehead and one on Eggsy's mouth Harry left the house and headed back for work, very much looking forward to coming home and getting to sample the treats awaiting them.

Or so he thought.

Hours later, when he had once again returned home, Harry was greeted at the door by a very, very guilty looking Eggsy. No Daisy in sight.

Taken aback by the look on Eggsy's face, and very much concerned as to what he may have missed since last he was here, Harry hovered in front of the threshold, not sure what was going on. He'd only been gone a few hours...what could have possibly happened? Had Eggsy's friend decided to start painting other rooms? Had they found an abandoned animal outside and wanted to keep it? Was Daisy-no, Daisy couldn't be missing. Eggsy would be hysterical and overwrought if that was the case. Perhaps she'd colored herself with permanent marker. Oh shite, that was it. And it would be partially his fault because he'd left that-

"Hey, Harry. Welcome home."

"It's good to be home." Harry answered weakly. "Is everything all right? Daisy?"

"Ah...well...yeah? Sorta. I mean she's fine. Really. Shite. I'm fucking sorry, Harry."

"For...?"

"We ate a bunch of the gift basket."

Laughing in relief, thank God Daisy wasn't multiple colors, Harry's shoulder relaxed and the tension bled out of him. Admittedly he was a little disappointed to hear he wasn't having quite the treat for dinner he'd been expecting, but that wasn't that big a thing in the grand scheme of disasters that could befell a house that was home to a toddler. So Harry shook his head and smiled at Eggsy, trying to convey with his expression that he really wasn't mad. "It was your gift basket, Eggsy. You weren't obligated to wait for me. And...well I'm well aware of the fact that Daisy can be a bottomless pit, as can two men yours and Ryan's age."

"Yeah, but I was supposed ta share it. And, well, I did, but not with you and-we didn't mean ta eat so much of it, swear down! We was just gonna have a little and then...we couldn't stop." Eggsy admitted his 'crime' with a grimace and slumped shoulders. "It was like that one crisps slogan. We couldn't eat just one of anythin!"

Reassuring Eggsy again that it was fine, Harry stepped through the door and set his bags off to the side, stating that he'd throw together a sandwich and be just fine.

"It ain't quite that bad. I did manage ta save some of it. Wouldn't let Daisy touch it on punishment of another week without dessert."

"Thank you. But really, if she wants it that much she can have it."

"She's eaten enough for the day. Trust me."

The look on Eggsy's face said volumes about how much Daisy had apparently consumed in his absence, Harry now having horrifying visions of her throwing all that up later in the evening. Though at least her hair wouldn't be in the way. That was a silver lining.

"I got it all laid out on the table for ya. Daisy's watchin a movie so she ain't gonna disturb ya or ask ya ta share."

"And will you be joining me?"

"I ain't got room for nothin else, but I'll keep ya company."

"Sounds lovely."

Following Eggsy into the dining room Harry was soon seated and faced with a lovely looking dinner as far as he was concerned. Yes, there were a few items he knew had been in the basket that were no longer available, but in general he ate like a king thanks to Eggsy, and a lighter meal once in a while could only do him good, really.

And all that aside, sharing a glass of wine with his lover was always something to appreciate, especially with Daisy otherwise occupied for the moment.

It was nice, to sit there and discuss their days. Eggsy's friend had finished painting Daisy's room-she was quite pleased with the results-and Eggsy had transferred her stuffed animals and such into his room so that Daisy could sleep there until the paint fumes were no longer an issue. She was looking forward to having the big bed all to herself.

Eggsy winked as he stated that it wasn't like he needed his bed, after all.

Quite happy to continue to share his bed with Eggsy for the foreseeable future Harry toasted him with his wine glass in agreement.

Work wise Harry didn't have much to report that Eggsy would find at all interesting. Thankfully he had loads of stories from back in the day when he'd been an active field agent to fall back on. He only had to exaggerate a tiny little bit to have Eggsy looking at him like he was a cross between Captain America and Batman, which definitely gave him an ego boost.

"Freaking zombies." Eggsy breathed out, his attention rapt.

"The smell was indescribable. Thank all the powers that be that most magic users have the sense to realize that raising the dead is a waste of time and power. They'd be better off using the power to kill their enemies out right, rather than to try and make decomposing bodies do their bidding. Some never seem to grasp the importance of a working brain."

"Gives a whole new meaning to 'good help is hard to find'."

"I have faced 'minions' who were about as intelligent as a zombie, yes. I've always appreciated when that's the best help a would be world conqueror can find. I mean it takes the challenge out of it, but watching them try to be villains is often quite humorous."

"Even when they start evil monologuing?"

Harry groaned just thinking of some of the speeches he'd been forced to hear. Or almost forced to hear, as he tended to cut them off as quickly as possible. Often permanently.

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea. There's a water witch, Cordelia, who is without a doubt the biggest monologuer this world has ever seen. She's the on again, off again girlfriend of a known arms and drug dealer-though he's small time so we mostly use him as a snitch-and any time we have to deal with her she goes into these long speeches about how we're wrong about him or how she knows she should leave him, but she just loves him so much. Oh, and she likes to repeat herself, repeatedly, if you don't constantly comment on every little thing she says. Her parents apparently didn't give her enough attention as a child."

Harry was about to launch into one of his favorite Cordelia stories when it occurred to him that Eggsy's mother had stayed in a relationship with a small-time drug lord and he might have just really put his foot in it. Damn.

"Don't worry. I ain't mad."

Eggsy, it seemed, really could read him like a book these days. It was both lovely and terrifying, as it did not bode well for him getting away with things in the future.

Face lighting up with laughter, Eggsy shook his head at him. "Finish your dinner. I'm gonna go check on Daisy ta make sure she's behavin herself."

Opening his mouth to comment, Harry's mouth snapped shut as a magical jolt of power hit him out of nowhere. The feeling wasn't an unpleasant one, it rather felt like someone had just pulled on his seal pelt to get his attention, but he still immediately pushed back his chair and got to his feet because he knew what that feeling meant, and it was not a good thing.

Pushing back his own chair Eggsy looked around in confusion as he asked what the fuck had that been.

"You felt that?"

Eggsy rubbed his chest like he had a touch of heartburn. "Yeah. Wot was it? Was like downin a shot of your whiskey."

"It's an alarm I have on the house. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, that you felt it." He should have warned Eggsy about it, actually. "You are the house elf of the house. Though the alarm is supposed to be tied to me so..."

Something to think about later.

"An alarm? An alarm against wot?"

"My mother."

"Your-"

"Eggsy! Unca Harry!" Running into the room Daisy looked spooked, the toddler clutching Mr. Fox protectively against her chest. "I feels funny!"

"Oh. Fascinating." He was going to have to tell Merlin about this. Hopefully the other man could explain it to him. And perhaps alter it a little so that Daisy wouldn't be affected. Though really, she would probably appreciate the warning too, once she knew what she was getting into when it came to her 'grandmother'.

"Your mum?" Eggsy prompted, hands on his hips while Daisy hurried over to lean up against her brother's leg, hugging the limb while joining Eggsy in looking at Harry expectantly.

"I put wards up in the neighborhood so that I'd have a two block warning whenever she's in the vicinity of the house. It keeps her from catching me off guard. And gives me the chance to flee or hide my presence if I need to." Harry reluctantly tacked on. He didn't like admitting the cowardice of that...but again, once they met his mother they were sure to understand.

"She's your MUM."

Understanding Eggsy's scandalized expression-not to mention the fact that the boy had just recently lost his mother and likely still felt her absence acutely-Harry reached over to give Eggsy's shoulder a squeeze.

"I love her. I do. But she's...you'll see."

"I'll..." It was Eggsy's turn to trail off, his beautiful eyes going even wider as something apparently sank in. "I'm about ta meet your mum. Fuck! I gotta change."

And so saying Eggsy dislodged Daisy from his leg, handed her over to a surprised Harry, and then took off running, the sound of his feet pounding up the stairs soon reaching their ears.

)

Harry thought about calling out after Eggsy, telling him that he didn't need to change, but after a second to think about it he wisely opted to shut his mouth and keep mum on the subject. Yes, in his opinion Eggsy could make even the gaudiest of chav wear look somewhat appealing-if only because of the joy Harry had imagining removing the offending garments from Eggsy's body-but even if that weren't the case it was Eggsy's body, and therefore Eggsy's choice what he wore over it. Harry wouldn't treat his lover like a child and try to dress him or make him think that he needed to change in order to be more attractive or acceptable to Harry's mother. That being said...his mother was the sort who would insist on buying Eggsy a whole new wardrobe if she thought it necessary. Whether Eggsy liked the idea or not. Ergo...better to ease Eggsy into the insanity that was his mother as gently as possible.

"Your mummy is coming?"

Turning his attention to Daisy, who was looking adorable in her panda bear jammies and therefore had no need to change, Harry stated that yes, he was pretty sure she was.

As if on cue another jolt went through him, confirming that she'd just turned in on his street and was now approaching the house.

"Right. Here we go, then. Brace yourself." Harry told Daisy quite seriously.

Not surprisingly the little girl didn't know what to make of his warning as Harry adjusted his hold so that she was more comfortably resting on his hip, but there was no time to explain as they headed for the front door so that they were there when the doorbell rang.

Taking a deep breath, and sending up a quiet prayer to the powers that be that they all survived this, Harry unlocked the front door and then opened it, fixing a welcoming smile on his face.

His mother had cut her hair since he'd last seen her. She was sporting bangs again. Her expertly highlighted blonde hair was pulled back in an elegant twist, not a hair out of place, and she'd quite obviously freshened her makeup before leaving the car. In his opinion she looked nearly twenty years younger than she was, not that she would take that as a compliment if he were to say so. She preferred to believe she still looked middle aged, max, and heaven help the poor fool who suggested otherwise.

She was also, Harry noted, sporting those ridiculously long fake nails that were so in fashion these days. Daisy was liable to think they were claws if she caught sight of them. Heaven knows they looked lethal enough from Harry's point of view.

"Ahem."

Oops. "Good evening, Mother. I was just admiring the color of your nails."

Eyes narrowed and arms moving to cross in front of her, Harry's mother sent him a look that said she was very much not amused or distracted from his lack of manners in not greeting her right away.

"You put wards up around the neighborhood again, didn't you?"

Ah. Hell. He shouldn't have been so quick to answer the door. "I am the head of Kingsman, Mother."

"So none of those wards are specifically tailored to me? Like the previous ones."

Ah yes. The lovely reminder that he had to keep upgrading and testing the wards meant for her because she kept paying people to dismantle them.

"I've missed you. Meet your only grandchild, Daisy."

Silently Harry apologized to Daisy for essentially throwing her to the wolves, but in this case it wasn't like his mother would eat her. Just pinch her cheeks, talk to her like she was a baby, and possibly crush Daisy's face into her man made breasts for an uncomfortable minute or two. Harry would of course rescue her immediately should that occur. Obviously.

Shooting him a look that said they weren't done discussing the wards, because of course they weren't, Olivia Hart Declan Baker Statton Bradford shook her head at him and then turned her focus to plastering on a smile as she beamed at Daisy, who immediately reached up to flip her hood up and over her head, then for added measure turned to hid her face against Harry's chest with Mr. Fox as an extra shield.

"Oh there, there, Sweetie. No need to be shy! I'm so happy to finally get to meet you in person. Remember, we've talked a few times on the phone. I'm your honorary grandmother."

Was that how she was putting it? Because technically Daisy was not only technically her actual step granddaughter, but was also young enough to be his mother's great grandchild at this point. She should wish she was as young as the average grandparent.

Dear God, he was technically old enough to be someone's grandfather. How depressing.

"Poor child. And the hair... But don't you worry, my darling girl. I have just the thing for that in the car."

Looking over his mother's shoulder Harry could spot the hired driver currently attempting to carry the numerous boxes and bags his mother had brought with her for the visit. He was doing a good job, but Harry felt bad about not really being able to help the poor fellow out. But that would mean putting Daisy down, and that was not likely to go over well before Eggsy got back. He had to settle for moving off to the side to better give the man room to enter and set his load down on the floor

As if she could read his mind Harry's mother asked where Eggsy was. He was home, wasn't he?

"He'll be right down, no doubt. He was upstairs when the bell rang."

"I see."

Packages delivered, Harry thanked his mother's driver and apologized for not being able to help, the driver assuring him that he wasn't to give it another thought before nodding in Harry's mother's direction, stating that he'd be in the car, waiting, should she need him.

Seeing the driver out Harry closed the door behind him and then turned around to see that his mother's face had softened a little, becoming a touch bemused as she studied him and Daisy.

"I must say, you two look so very domestic. I never saw you as the father type, My Dear. But you're a picture together."

"I didn't think I could do it either, in truth. I wouldn't have survived this long without Eggsy."

"Now that I believe." Harry's mother smirked at him, then started to look suspicious once more. "You aren't hiding your boy, are you? Because you know I'll meet him eventually. And that I didn't raise you to be the sort of man to treat his one and only mother that way."

Going for honesty this time Harry stated that Eggsy had just gone up to change his shirt. He wanted to make a good impression.

"Awwww. He didn't need to do that. I'm sure he looked quite handsome in whatever he was wearing before. Unless he wasn't wearing a shirt before. Did I interrupt something?"

Her meaning crystal clear, Harry very pointedly looked down in Daisy's direction.

His mother just smirked at him again.

"The only thing you interrupted was my dinner. Now let's retire to the next room, shall we? We can wait for Eggsy there."