POV: Alex
Have you ever felt so nervous that your body involuntarily shakes? That your mind races with thoughts, scenarios of what used to be and what the present will, well...present? My hands were pinned behind my back, boxing with no gloves, chemistry till it blew up. Legs were shaking, hands were sat on to prevent them from spazzing out. My teeth wanted to chatter so badly, but I kept my jaw tense, gritting them together with probably enough force to crack each and every one. I kinda wished I did, considering I didn't even want to be a wolf anymore.
The door was right there, one click from the window, one step forward and I would've been freed. But I found myself unable to move, stuck to the bed with shaking legs and ears turning this way and that, tail dangerously still and lifeless. There was a pounding in my chest, fast breathing which I masked again and again, something which I hated doing, but it was a force of habit. After so long of mistreatment and being punished for showing any sort of emotions, you figure out how to hide them well; how to force a smile when you really just want to break down and cry, how to freak out on the inside, but be perfectly calm on the outside.
I was terrified, watching the red deer which I've hated, only just now coming to the realization that he was different, approaching me with slow and methodical steps.
Was all the pain for nothing? Were the restless nights, the conversations with him, the spilling of secrets, the awkward encounters. Was it all for nothing? Was he going to become the animal he used to be? The animal who hated his son and hid him from the rest of the world, never allowing him to leave the house, never allowing him to have friends?
He sat down next to me, sighing and looking into my eyes. I looked off into the distance, never meeting his gaze in case he were to blow up because of it, in case the past was coming back and I needed to be prepared. He put his hand on my shoulder, and I flinched back. An involuntary response, one I wasn't expecting to happen, one which made his eyes go dark and his voice quiet. "Mom told me what happened." I nodded, ears folding over, the pit in my stomach growing ever so slightly. He sighed again. "That in the hospital...well...not just that night, millions of nights when you were at school, when I was home. I was always thinking about how I acted, how I treated you...and how I hated it.
"I know your situation is... delicate . Both your mother and I know that you tend to get easily depressed. So I'm telling you this now, I'm being fully upfront, I'm not keeping any secrets anymore. I'm not trying to make your life worse, because I know how shitty it is right now." He took a deep breath in, his eyes closing, then flickering open. "I don't know how many times I can say 'I love you' for you to get the message. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of seeing you heartbroken, battered and bruised. I mean... fuck , you're my son, who just so happens to be a wolf."
My heart clenched up, my breathing still rapid and blood rushing to my head. It was hard to hear him with my heart pounding in my ears.
He grabbed my arms, my hands much bigger than his. His eyes softened as he moved the fur away, exposing the fresh wounds. "Your mom may have said she wanted to divorce me, for all of the problems I've caused for everyone. But it was a heat of the moment thing, that's what she says anyway. I know why she said it, and it really put my life into perspective. I was horrible to you, there's no changing what I did, there's no going back to the past to change the future." He looked into my eyes. "I love you." His grip tightened around my arms and he smiled, a small smile, one that showed no teeth. "We're not getting divorced, and yes, you do have a small part in it. Everything I do now, everything I've done up to this point was to make you happy, was to make sure you don't feel like shit every day of your life. I guess I failed at that," he said, rubbing his fingers over the scars.
He flung his arms around me, but I was still trying to process everything he said, my arms still held out in front of me. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest, to run away from being overworked in this stupid wolf body. To be honest, I wished it did. I wished it packed its bags and left, leaving me without a pulse and without emotions. That's where they came from, right? The heart?
My heart started to beat faster...and faster...and faster. It was so quick and it hurt. The pain from it thumping against my chest, from beating in its cage. It was terrifying, God it hurt so badly. Someone took a hammer and just slammed it against my heart, but for some reason, it still kept beating.
"Dad," I said, voice scarily calm.
He pulled away, there were tears in his eyes; I was tired of seeing tears.
"Dad...I need to be alone right now...I-I just...please," I said, holding back everything that was building up. It was only a matter of time before I exploded, before the emotions escaped my body, before my heart beat out of my chest.
"What?" he said, confusion washing over his face.
"Dad, please!" I pleaded. "Leave!" The tightness in my chest was immense, that any any moment it would constrict so hard everything would just fucking die. My jaw was loosening and the temptation to lick my lips was overpowering, my mouth dripping with saliva
He nodded, glancing off to the side one more time and leaving my room.
I quickly got up from my bed, locking the door and falling to the floor, crumpling like a piece of paper.
"They're back," I said with tears in my eyes, slightly laughing. "They never left." I covered my face with my hands, muffling my sobs from the outside world. Knees pressed against my chest, heart beating in my ears, blood rushing to every part of my body, my arms enticing for more.
My chest heaved a couple of times, catching my breath, feeling suffocated. I couldn't leave my room, everyone would just see the mess that I was. There was no one to call, no one to talk to. I feared that if Dad stayed any longer...I wouldn't be able to control myself.
Jordan.
My eyes shifted over to my phone on the floor, right next to my leg.
Call her! My mind screamed, but I couldn't.
In one feeble attempt to save whatever sanity I had left, I dialed Jordan's number.
Time ticked on, the clock never striking twelve, the feelings never fading. I was stuck in my head, constantly asking myself if Dad had changed because of what Mom had said, or if he truly was trying to be a better animal. I wanted to believe he was doing it for me, I wanted to believe that he really did change. But everything was so complicated, nothing made sense anymore. Up was down, right was left, and the pain was constant.
There was a light knock on my door, Jordan's voice filling the air. I got up from laying sprawled out on my bed and unlocked it, staring into her blue eyes which were wide with shock.
"Oh my God," she said, brushing her hand across my bare chest, feeling over the scratch marks near my heart and throat. "What did you do?" Her voice was a whisper, light and caring. She was the only animal who understood me better than anyone else ever could. I loved Steven, but he didn't need to see me like this.
I stayed silent, and started to cry, covering my face with my hands. She pulled them away. "Lets-let's get a shirt on you." She guided me back to my bed and she rummaged through clothes in my closet dresser, bringing out shirts of different colors. Blues, blacks, greys. Until she eventually hung up a dark green shirt in her hands, lifting it up to the light. "This should be dark enough to hide the scars." She handed it to me and my shaking hands took it from her, just staring at the soft fabric, at my claws which could shred anything into pieces.
She sat next to me, her longer than average tail swishing back and forth on the bed sheets. I laid my head on her shoulder, not caring if she saw the body underneath the clothes, not caring if the air that ran through my fur was cold and unpleasant, stinging the wounds on my chest, creating even more pain near my heart.
Her hand was laid on my head, soft and caring; claws were short, newly cut as they gently scratched the fur on my head, going behind my ears, causing my tails to wag and she hummed lightly to herself, staring off into the distance. My body felt safe near her, the emotions were slowly but surely fading away with each stroke of her hand, with each second ticking by. My racing heart was calming down, the shaking hands and legs were slowing down, being replaced with tiredness, like you were on a long road trip with your family, looking at the stars above as your eyes slowly closed.
Jordan cleared her throat. "What...what prompted you to...do it again?" Although she sounded caring and kind from her soft voice, unnatural from her normal lower pitch. I couldn't stop from thinking about how her body slightly shifted away when I laid my head on her shoulder, how she stopped petting my head and left her hands flat on her legs.
Better to come clean to her then hold it in. She knew me better than any other animal.
I sighed, clenching my fists, holding the green shirt in my hand. "My mom threatened to divorce my dad a while back if he didn't change."
"Back when you were in the hospital?"
"Yeah. They were arguing, I could only hear bits and pieces. But I never thought this is what they were talking about."
Her hand made its way back to my head, scratching behind my ears, my tail wagging behind me. I leaned into it a little bit, since it made me feel something other than pain. But wasn't pain all I wanted to feel? The gut wrenching, the aching, terrible pain that made everything else fade away. Wasn't that what I wanted?
I-I didn't know anymore, I didn't know what I wanted to feel.
"Something-something else happened though," I said, afraid of what I was about to tell her, afraid she would see me in a different light. A darker light.
"What's that?"
Swallowing hard, a terrible lump in my throat, I said, "I think I wanted to eat my dad."
Her body stopped moving, her claws dug into my head and I winced from the sharp pain. "You...wanted to eat him?"
The guilt in my stomach grew wider, my lips quivering with the unknown emotion I felt towards Dad. "I...I don't know. I don't know what else to call it-what to describe it as."
Her eyes focused on mine. "What happened?"
"He...he told me what Mom told him, and my body just...reacted…"
"On instinct," she said, finishing my sentence.
"It's never happened before," I said with fear in my voice. "I've never...salivated before-I've never felt my jaw loosen like it did." My breathing began to increase again. "Jordan," I whispered. "I'm scared."
She cupped my face, staring directly into my eyes which watered with tears. "It's ok, you're ok, your dad is ok. The important part is that you recognized he was in danger and you got him out of there."
"But-but-"
"I know," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "It fucking sucks to hear it, I know it's terrible and you feel like shit. It's one of the curses we carnivores have to deal with." She wiped a tear from my eye, and she began crying. Tears trickled down her face, the bed sheets absorbing them, making them fade away into nothing. "I'm so sorry," she said, hugging me tightly. "I never wanted you to feel like this, I never wanted you to ever feel like shit anymore."
"I love you," she whispered, her tears wetting my fur. "I thought all of the crap was over with. I thought all the shit you've gone through was in the past. But I promise you." She looked into my eyes, her blue eyes were filled with a burning determination, setting the ocean ablaze, the ships of pain sinking away forever, never to be seen again. "I'm going to fix you, I'm going to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you again."
I wanted to believe her promise. Every part of my being wanted to believe the words she spoke were true, that there was nothing else in the world that could've destroyed me even more than it already had. But it was an empty promise. No matter how hard she would try, I would always find myself with blood rushing out of my arms, with the sweet release of death looming around every corner, swinging its scythe ever closer.
Jordan took my hand in hers, feeling the sharp points of my claws. "Get some sleep...but call me in case anything else happens, in case you have...other thoughts." Her attempt was admirable, trying to prevent another case where I might've killed myself. I would've done the same thing if our roles were reversed, if I wasn't on the receiving end of a screwed up mind and no way to fix it. But I wasn't, and I knew that if I called her again, it would've been the last time she heard from me.
That wasn't something I wanted her to hear, to feel. So I kept quiet, nodding my head and faking a smile. A small smile, one that only showed I was paying attention, but a smile nonetheless. One which made her sigh with relief and stand up. "I'll see you at school in a couple of days. Please," she practically begged, "call me if anything happens, if you ever feel the urge again."
"I will," I said, just wanting her to leave, even though I was the one who called her here.
"Ok," she said, getting up and turning to leave, but not before giving me one last hug. "And please put the shirt on. I know I used to like seeing you without one...but now it…" she shook her head, the light hitting her white fur perfectly. "Nevermind." She closed the door behind her and soft footsteps echoed until they echoed no more.
I fell back in my bed, clutching the green shirt over my chest, mind racing with memories that were supposed to make me feel happy, ones that tore me away from the world. The happiness I was hoping for never came, only replaced with a longing for the past, to return to the days when I was happy. The nostalgic feeling of the past, until I cried myself to sleep, the pain in my arms increasing, like someone was driving a knife right through it. Until the room darkened, lights dimming, falling back into the paradise of darkness and peace.
️ ️ ️
My tail wagged in the cold air, street lamps casted shadows each time I walked past one of them. The moon was full in a cloudless night sky, stars scattered about, fading in and out of view as they twinkled throughout. Hands were in my pockets, eyes focused on the grey concrete that was bent and misshapen from the oak trees roots. The leafless branches shivering without their blankets of green.
Footsteps were light and gentle, only making a sound if I accidentally misjudged a step, stumbling over until I caught my balance. It was a peaceful night, one where you could find yourself walking for hours, with the occasional car driving past. One where the lights in houses were out, animals inside sleeping peacefully, unaware of the wolf who stalked outside.
The cold wind blew through, my wolf body fully capable of insulating itself from the cold. Even with just the green shirt on, I was feeling fine. Nothing bothered me, nothing caught my attention. Which gave me some time to reflect, time which I was finding more and more precious by the second. It was always drowned out by some other noise that irritated me. I could never find out what it was, but my sensitive ears never allowed me to think clearly unless there was utter silence.
I found myself wandering through the neighborhood, my sharp night vision lighting up the area, like the sun itself was out and greeting the world, melting the soft snow that fell and bringing on the change of spring. Maybe that was the season where everything would get better, where my mind wouldn't be poisoned and I would have everything figured out. Maybe, just maybe.
Ears turned to the sound of tires slowly creeping up. My head followed the noise, wolf senses un-phased and calm. A white cop car came driving up, blue stripes, a blue and red siren on the top, the whole nine yards.
It pulled up beside me, my breath hitching in my throat from the creaking window being rolled down. A husky stared back at me, blue cop uniform and ocean blue eyes. Black and white fur, and almost wolfish features. The only thing making him stronger than me was the gun holstered to his side. Other than that, I was superior.
"A wolf, out so late?" he said, his voice a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. Dark and gruff, almost liquidy with the words easy flowing out of his mouth, I probably wasn't the first carnivore he saw on his nightly patrol.
His ears swiveled around, and his eyes took in my appearance. "You're not really dressed for the weather, where are you headed?"
"I'm just walking around," I replied.
Just walking? You dumb idiot, now he's probably going to ask us a bunch of questions that we really don't want to answer!
"Just walking? Walking where?"
"Around."
You are such an idiot!
He bit his lip, his eyes narrowing to my claws which I hid behind my back. The clicking of the door brought a tiny amount of panic into my body as he stepped out of the car. He wasn't that much taller than me, his head was about to my chest, still didn't stop the tiny amount of fear I was experiencing. Like the closet door was slowly opening, a black hand turning the knob.
"Where do you live?" he asked.
"Just two streets over, a simple walk back." I never turned my eyes away from his, internally screaming from my stupidity a couple of seconds ago.
"Now why would a wolf like you be out here so late?" he asked, slowly walking around me, making known that his gun was ready, flashing it towards the light.
"I was just walking around…to clear my head." Wasn't a complete lie, although my eyes kept track of his gun and movements.
"To clear your head, from what?" He stood in front of me, his gaze completely fixed on mine.
I glanced off to the side, then back to him. "My parents."
"And do your parents know you're out so late?"
"No," I said curtly.
"No?" His eyes widened a bit, a tiny smirk on his black and white face.
"No sir," I said. He had a smug look on his face, very punchable.
He grabbed my hands, slamming me into the hood of the car. The pain in my jaw was immense. I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but it was no use. The metallic taste of iron flooded my mouth, bitter and sweet all the same.
To take down a wolf who was probably twice the size of him, he had to be very skilled.
His hand pinned down my neck as his other hand reached for his dispatch radio. "This is Officer McKeon, I have a grey wolf currently under custody. Body type seems to be lean, somewhat on the above average size for his species...No he doesn't seem to be resisting arrest...Backup will be required. I need officer Parker and Williams."
My heart lurched in my throat, terrified of the whole encounter.
You need to calm down! Freaking out will only make him suspect more.
Yes I know you haven't done anything! But he doesn't know that. Let this play out, be cooperative and nothing bad will happen. Dad will fix everything.
"What's your name!" The husky shouted.
"Alex," I said, my voice hoarse and scratchy, nails digging into the hard metal of the car hood.
He scoffed, using both of his hands to hold me down. "Well, Alex , nobody's here right now, and I doubt you have your phone on record. Where is it!" he shouted.
"In-my pocket," I said, gasping for air.
He pulled it out of my pocket, throwing it on the ground and smashing it with his shoe. There were a couple of clicking noises, and the red contraption which appeared before me made me scream. His hand muffled my mouth, I tried to bite it, but the contraption was forced onto my face, clicking into place.
"There," he said, grabbing my arms and throwing me to the ground, breath being torn away from the hard pavement
He was breathing hard as he stared into my eyes, the road scrapping my arms and legs. "That muzzle should limit your movements, don't even try fighting back. Fucking wolves."
A brute pain entered my side, it was continuous and horrible. He pressed his shoe onto my chest, grinding the heel into me. "You're just a fucking wolf, probably out here to eat an herbivore or fuck one. Either way, you're mine now, you won't be going anywhere."
Cooperate, take the pain, let it happen.
He pulled me up from the ground, catching my reflection in his eyes, then threw me back onto it. Breathing was becoming harder and I couldn't move at all. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I was defenseless.
He kicked my side again...and again...and again. Each time was worse than the next, each time I wanted to scream, to yell, to call for help. But who would help a wolf? Who would understand what was happening?
"Fucking piece of shit," he said, kicking me again, shaking his head. "Can't even fight back can you? Just goes to show that you're not everything the news portrays you out to be. You're weak, worthless and most importantly, a plague on this world. You don't deserve to live."
I just wanted to die. He had me laid out on the ground, there was nothing I could do.
I couldn't help it, I started to cry. Softly and quietly.
He laughed. "Crying isn't going to help you, fucker. Nobody is here to help you. Who cares about a wolf? Nobody, nobody cares about you and nobody ever will." He kicked my side again, his shoe hitting one of my ribs. Pain seared throughout my body, and I coughed a couple of times, body desperately trying to do anything it could to get air.
"Please," I pleaded. "I haven't done anything." It was hard to make out his figure from the tears in my eyes.
"You may have not done anything yet," he said, exposing his fangs. "But it's only a matter of time before you go and ruin someone else's life. I'm not going to let that happen."
You know why he's doing this.
It's because you're a wolf.
My vision was swirling with black splatters and dots, the lights from the street lamps fading in and out of view, the world spinning around me.
His fist connected with my face, and I screamed, I screamed loud.
"Be fucking quiet!" He yelled.
All I could taste was blood mixed with tears. I just wanted to die, I wanted him to just shoot me then and there.
My eyes opened for a second, and I saw myself standing over me, expressionless, emotionless. He was just staring at me, with his dark grey eyes. The two lines on his arms were visible, they were dripping red and he kept digging his claws into his skin, smiling from the pain. "This is what you wanted," he whispered in my voice. "All you have to do is ask, you know he'll grant your wish."
"Do it," I said, the husky officer coming back into view.
"What?" he growled, preparing for another strike to my face, his punch locked and loaded. There was a tiny amount of blood on his uniform.
"SHOOT ME!"
The only sound was my breathing, rapid and labored, fur stained wet from tears. Blood flowed out of my mouth, warm and metallic, the muzzle still strapped to my face.
"Please," I said, barely an audible whisper. "Just shoot me, just end it."
I don't want to live anymore.
I'm done.
My limbs were numb, my body was limp, prepared for the gunshot, prepared for the sound, for the pain to end.
"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction," the husky said, stepping off of my chest. He leaned in close to my face, his breath warm on my fur. "There are fates worse than death."
Sirens blared in the distance and the husky cursed.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He ran a hand through his fur and grabbed my arms, pinning me back to the car. "I swear to God if you say anything to them, if you so much as even speak, you're dead!" His voice was a low growl.
The sirens grew closer and closer, until eventually, another cop car parked right next to the huskies. Two officers stepped out, car doors closing behind them. One was immediately recognizable from the brown and black fur, the imposing figure. Steven's dad. The other was a bloodhound, ears flopped over and sunken tired eyes.
My eyes watched as Mr. Parker moved fluidly towards the husky. "Officer McKeon, you said you needed backup?"
"Yes," the husky replied. "Although it seems I was able to subdue him just fine, be careful though, he did try to resist." He smirked, pride filling his every being because he took down a wolf who didn't fight back.
You just contradicted yourself.
I smiled.
Why can't you recognize me?
Another voice filled my ears, this one much more tired than the others. "Another grey wolf? How many of these are we going to find out at night?" There was a long drawn out sigh.
"There seems to be more and more every night," Mr. Parker said. "Did he give you his name?"
"No, I tried to ask...but as you can see, I had to use force," the husky said.
Fuck you.
My voice cracked to life. 'Its-its Alex." It took all my energy to say it, spots floating in my vision. I was expecting another kick to the side, maybe a slam to the car hood, but nothing came.
The husky still had my arms pinned together and I knew squirming was useless, I still couldn't help but do it.
"Hold on," Mr. Parker said. "What's your last name, kid?"
"K...Kingston," I said breathlessly, panting from trying to regain my breath. My lungs burned as I spoke. "He-he just…" my voice trailed off, trying to regain whatever air was possible.
"How old is he?" Mr. Parker asked.
"I don't know," the husky said.
"You don't know?!" Mr. Parker roared. "Did you just find him on the side of the road and assume he was going to eat someone?!"
My arms were freed, and the sound of someone being shoved to the ground filled my ears. I slumped to the floor, hand over my heart, still wondering why I was even alive.
The husky whimpered from Mr. Parker towering over him. Then something reflected in his eyes, my phone on the ground cracked and destroyed, but it was still working. A text message from Steven made my phone buzz on the ground, it virabted a couple of centimeters before shutting off.
Mr. Parker picked it up, looked towards me, then back to the phone. "Holy shit," he said. "Alex?" he said, kneeling down towards me. I nodded my head slowly, blinking away the black dots peppering my vision.
The husky and bloodhound exchanged glances. There was no doubt in my mind that they still thought I was a threat.
Mr. Parker took off the red muzzle and threw it to the side, helping me to my feet. I was dizzy at first, head spinning with the couple of punches I took, vision wanting to give out. Only seconds later though, my normal vision returned, somewhat sharper than normal. Everything was crystal clear. The tiny amount of blood on the huskies uniform, the light from the street lamps reflecting in everyone's eyes.
Mr. Parker turned around, a low growl in his throat as he stared at the husky. "What is wrong with you! He's just a kid!"
The husky was quick to defend himself, standing right in front of Mr. Parker, their eyes never leaving. "There was a wolf walking along the street at night, I took matters into my own hands. I used my discretion and determined-"
"You assumed!" Mr. Parker spat back, pressing his finger into the huskies uniform. "You assumed he was going to devour someone all because he's a wolf!"
The bloodhound interfered, putting himself between the two canines. "You two are acting like children." His eyes darted towards mine and panic found its way back. "As far as I'm concerned, none of this happened."
"None of this happened?!" Mr. Parker shouted. "Just fucking look at him, he's a mess!"
Blood dripped down from my nose and I touched it, feeling the red liquid between my fingers.
Was I angry? Furious?
I wasn't feeling anything. I wanted it all to be over, everything.
The bloodhound put his hands in his pockets. "None of it happened. From what I remember Samuel, I outrank you. You can take this to the chief or whatever, but my word will always be better than yours." He shot me another glance, one that held malice and evil intent. "He's just a wolf, he can take a few punches."
The dogs continued their argument, but I ignored everything, slumping back down onto the road. It was cold to the touch, the skid marks on my legs and arms were only light scuffed, my fur would be able to hide them well. My nose still occasionally twinged with pain, but only when I was sniffing the air.
SHOOT ME! Kept replaying in my head, like a track on repeat or a song you can't get out of your head. It wouldn't leave, but I didn't know if I wanted it to leave, or if I wanted it to stay, day dreaming of what could've been.
"Just take me home," I whispered into the night air, being drowned out by their consistent argument.
"Please, take me home," I said again, being drowned out by another argument, their voices rising. "SOMEONE TAKE ME HOME." I said at the top of my lungs, they burned from the words, like fire erupting and burning down the house that was my body.
They went silent, turning their heads slowly towards me. Mr. Parker sighed. "C'mon, lets go."
He helped me up again to my feet and I got into his car, leaving the bloodhound and husky alone to their own accord.
It was my first time being in a cop car, I never thought I would ever be in one. The seats were scratchy, a big GPS system and a laptop seemingly injected into the front of the car.
Mr. Parker put the key into the ignition, blasting hot air into my face. "Sorry about that," he said, turning the ac knob down. "Do you like it hot?" I stayed silent, closing my eyes and resting my head against the cold window. "Yeah...I wouldn't want to talk either if I was in your situation." His grip tightened around the steering wheel. "But damnit, they can't just do that!" He went quiet, peeling out of the road and turning on his blinker.
"It's because I'm a wolf," I said with a sigh, eyes scratchy from the drying tears.
"That shouldn't matter," he mumbled. "Just because you're a wolf shouldn't make them treat you any differently...for the worse.
"They wouldn't have done that if you were a dog...if you were anything else," he said.
"I wouldn't be in this situation if I was anything else ," I said with a cold tone.
The car ride was silent, the windows were rolled down, the air stinging my nose. Knowing Mom and Dad, they might have asked a million questions to me and Mr. Parker, I didn't want that to happen. Still, my mind always flashed the same scream in my head.
Shoot me.
Each time it grew fainter then the next.
Shoot me.
It was a quick drive, only five minutes had passed when I looked at the clock.
Mr. Parker dropped me off at my house. "Do you want me to explain everything to your parents?" His intent was kind, but nobody needed to know, I just needed to sleep it off and forget.
"No...just...leave." I shut the door behind me and walked up to my house, my hand hesitating over the knob.
A delayed reaction.
My heart stopped, a million thoughts racing through my head, screaming and yelling, crowding, pushing over everything. I couldn't breathe, my lungs stung each time I gasped for air, and each time they received none. My body was attacking itself from the inside, my pulse faint, basically non-existent. Legs threatened to give out, wobbling and shaking from the fear of everything. Fear from the pain, fear from the situation, fear from-from being something I never wanted to be.
I clawed my heart, scratching and tearing away at the green shirt. A couple drops of blood escaped my body, dripping onto the patio of the house, splattering outwards in their perfect shape.
Mr. Parker's car drove off, his beaming headlights slowly fading away.
Wait...don't leave yet.
The front door opened, and I fell onto the cold hardwood floor.
"Oh my God!" Mom shouted. Her arms wrapped around my body, she grunted a couple of times, trying to lift me off the ground. "Kevin!" She shouted again. Hard footsteps pounded against the floor, screeching to halt where I lay.
"What the hell happened?!" Dad's voice broke through the tiny grunts from Mom.
"I don't know!"
Both of them lifted me off the ground. "Alex," Mom said, staring into my eyes. "What happened? Who did this to you?" She covered her mouth from my emotionless state. "No...please tell me you didn't do this."
If you tell anyone, you're dead!
"Amy we need to stop the bleeding." Dad's voice was calm as he pressed his hand against my chest. She nodded quickly and Dad sat me down on the couch, using both of his hands to cover the bleeding wound near my heart. "Your fur isn't supposed to be red, it's supposed to be white," he said, his breathing increasing. He was trying to keep it together, but I didn't know how much longer that would last, I didn't know how much longer I would last.
"Alex, tell me what happened," he said, pleading with fear in his eyes. Mom came back with antiseptic and a couple of napkins.
"He's not going to tell us," she said. She floated out of the living room, her eyes barely open.
"Alex, please, you can tell me anything." He pleaded again, his lips quivering from the words.
"I got beat up, ok!?" I said, fed up with the world/
"By who?" His voice was shaky.
I avoided the question.
Shoot me.
"By who!?" he yelled, my sensitive ears ringing.
"A cop! Ok?! Are you happy now?!" I stood up, towering over him. There was still the pain in my chest, the claw marks left deep red cuts all over.
His face flushed with anger as he pulled out his phone, yelling into it. "Who was the officer who attacked you!" he asked, eyes staring me down.
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"Bullshit. Don't try to protect them!"
"I'm not trying to protect them! I don't know!"
"Liar!"
He threw his phone across the room, his body rising and falling heavily with rage and anger. I was just over everything, just wanting the night to end.
"Why did you even go out in the first place?" he said, his voice dangerously low. "Don't you know how dangerous it is for a wolf like you? How stupid are you?! Going out in the middle of the night!" He shook his head in disbelief. To me, it sounded like he was more worried about me leaving the house than what events actually transpired.
"Do-do you even care?" I said, a lurch in my throat, a skipped beat in my heart.
"Of course I care!" he said. "I mean, look at you! There's scratch marks here," he pointed to my chest, "here," one near my throat, "and here," he finally said, rubbing his fingertips along the scars on my arms. "Alex, your fur isn't supposed to be red!"
"You sound more angry about me leaving then what actually happened." I think subconsciously, or maybe not, I knew what the real problem was. He was so used to me being this careful and cautious wolf, one who was scared to even go outside. But to see me like this, battered and bruised? It probably brought back the thoughts from the past, the events he was trying to prevent from the very beginning.
"I'm angry at everything Alex!" His voice rose again, clashing against the walls. "Do you even understand the situation? Do you even comprehend what's happening?!"
My eyes narrowed, body tired from everything. "It's because I'm a wolf that I was beat up by a cop, that because of my stereotype, I was beaten and bruised for it. So yes, I do understand what's going on!"
"Then you have to know that this won't happen again. Now, their names!" He grabbed my shoulders.
"I don't know their names!" My fangs were exposed, a low growl in my throat.
Shoot me.
He shook his head again and started laughing. "Protecting them doesn't make you stronger, it doesn't make you any better than they are." His voice lightened a little bit. "I get it, you're scared. But I can do something about this, I can prevent this from happening again."
"I don't know their names," I said quieter this time. "I...I don't know anything." My jaw tensed up, teeth gritted together and pain shot up my ribcage.
I did know their names, I knew that the bloodhound didn't care that I was a wolf, I knew the husky was the one who beat me, who kicked my side and muzzled my mouth. The only animal that was furious at the incident was Mr. Parker, and only because he saw Steven's name pop up on my phone.
Dad sighed. "File down your claws and take a shower. Wash the blood off and go to bed, we can discuss this in the morning when you're more agreeable."
"More agreeable," I scoffed. "I thought you had changed, I thought you let go of the bad and embraced the good...seems like I was wrong."
"And I thought you were smarter than this, I thought almost killing yourself put more perspective into your life." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Seems like neither of us have changed a whole lot."
No. I am different.
"McKeon," I said. His eyes glanced up. "That's the name of the officer who did this to me." I wrinkled my bloody nose, pointing to other bruises on my side which were turning a shade of purple. "But you are the one who did this to me," I said, grabbing his hand and running it over the scars on my arms, wincing from pain, digging his nails into it. "You're the one who created these scars." I shook off his hand. "Never forget it."
"Some days, I wish I could," he responded, his eyes shut, eyebrows creased.
I reached into my pocket, only then remembering my phone was completely destroyed, broken and shattered on the pavement that still held some of my blood.