The prolonged fight took a toll on us all. Bloody gashes, bruises, and shattered armor were sustained nearly universally.

In the retreat across the fields, Tyron had spent more time in the center of the chaos than anyone, battering away attacks so they would not reach our most vulnerable. And of course there was that thing with the giant. As a result, he sustained an especially large number of bloody wounds which stained brown his normally emerald-tinted fur. In spite of this, he seemed to have a good amount of vigor left in him.

I myself was in pretty bad shape. One of the cuts on my lower left leg was bleeding especially badly, and aside from that I had some other nasty cuts, and some burns from fighting the ender mages. My experience in past battles, for better or worse, had allowed me to anticipate some heavy blows, but my vitality and reflexes were not what they used to be, and there were some attacks I could not evade. If it weren't for Shadow's magic storage rings, I would have been forced to use my magic more conservatively, and I would have turned out worse.

But even my hypothetically desperate scenario could not compare to the mess Kay had landed himself in.

Oh, Kay, you poor fool. In the face of great power having been granted to you, you once again succumb to hubris.

Kay was in a sorry state when we found his limp body at the base of a tree. His obsidian chestplate had cracked into several pieces, with only the upper half around his shoulders still attached. A massive wound dominated his chest, the blood coming out of it deep crimson. Shadow stood over Kay, several runes on her body lit up, her hands hovering above his bleeding chest.

Shadow said, "This won't heal the wound completely but it will stop the bleeding. I need to save some energy to heal the others."

After Shadow finished her work magically suturing Kay, Steve and Tyron lifted Kay's body and we continued to escape deeper into the forest. During our journey, Shadow attended to wounds from the other combatants. I did the same, first to myself, letting just enough healing energy into my lower left leg to stop the bleeding and patch it up a bit, then proceeding to partially heal some of Warnado's more nasty wounds. We kept moving as quickly as our tired bodies could, until the foreboding twilight came, and Steve and Jennifer set about creating their usual underground hovel. This time, they replaced the interior's stone ground with a wooden floor, and installed redstone lamps into the walls. Steve even hung up a map of the part of the Nexus we were in. I could recognize the landmarks thanks to my time spent in involuntary flight with Shadow. Overall, the additions were thoughtful improvements over previous temporary living spaces, no doubt increasing morale for all.

By the time everyone was inside and the space sealed up, I was drained out and didn't exactly feel like taking the night shift. But my head was filled with vexing questions. For Kay most of all. What in Jeb's name was he thinking risking his life like that? What sort of power had Kay uncovered from Fristad's former possessor, and what sort of safeguards would he utilize to keep those powers in check? And even if Kay could control the book, could he still control himself?

But, sadly, as Kay was knocked out cold and would likely need to rest for the next few days, those questions would have to be postponed.

There was also the other issue... the little mind worm that Shadow had implanted in my head by accident, when she exposed me to that totally incomprehensible nothingness. It luckily hadn't manifested severely during the battle - a painful headache at most, although that could easily be explained away by the chaos in progress. But I was still getting the occasional headache-inducing visions and disturbing nightmares, and they did not seem to be decreasing in frequency. Then again, they did not seem to be increasing in frequency either. Although I didn't consider myself to be a glass-half-full kind of thinker, and besides, if a change of perspective was enough to change my degree of worry, then I should be concerned that my underlying observation was itself flawed.

Notwithstanding the epistemological details, my symptoms were not trivial, and as Shadow was the closest thing to an expert on the subject, I felt the best course of action was to ask for her opinion on my condition.

I walked up to Shadow. From a front-facing view, an incredibly serious-looking hole in Shadow's abdomen was apparent, although there was no bleeding as far as I could tell, and if there was then it was hard to see against her black clothes and flesh. In either case, due to Shadow's unusual biology and magic, I suspected she had it under control.

"Shadow, I want to talk to you about the headaches and visions I've been having recently. They seem to have not gotten better since that time you opened the world hole."

She replied: "That's good, that you're coming to talk I mean. I wanted to talk to you about it as well, but there never was a good opportunity. I might have mentioned it but the effects you are experiencing are your brain trying to process sensations and memories that it wasn't ever meant to experience. Normal humans just aren't built for perceiving more than three dimensions at a time."

"Yes, I figured something similar. Is there a treatment for this condition?"

"To be perfectly honest, none that I know of. All other people who have been exposed to this are either dead or Fire and he's… we're not exactly normal humans as you might be able to tell. There is the possibility of a second exposure changing something but I'm not sure if I want to risk that."

I frowned. "No, a second exposure certainly doesn't seem like it would be worth the risk. But... perhaps there's some way to at least characterize my mental aberrations. Figure out the severity in different aspects of my mind, and use that as a map to recapture the more invaded parts, if that makes any sense. Obviously this would be mainly done through my own personal introspection; I just need the right clues."

Shadow thought for a few seconds. "Actually, there is one way of eliminating the issue, which would be to remove the memory of you seeing between worlds. It's a rather drastic way since it would most likely take newly associated memories with it. So again, I'd avoid it. However something related to it could be useful, the more you 'understand' the aberrations you see, the lesser the symptoms become. So if it happens to draw from very familiar memories you could focus on that part and keep the known and understood parts in the forefront."

I considered for a moment and then responded, "So, familiarity of the phenomenon mitigates its severity? That sounds promising; I think I can work with that. If it's agreeable for you, perhaps we can meet on a regular basis and I can discuss what I've uncovered. Time-permitting, of course, given all the crazy events that we've been through recently."

"We can do that. It'll also give me some more insight into what exactly I'm doing to people. But… out of curiosity, could you describe what you experienced back then? If it doesn't cause you discomfort that is."

"Yes, of course…"

I think back upon the visions and dreams I experienced since the world hole. Unlike ordinary nightmares, these experiences did not have as strong emotions associated with them, so I didn't expect to feel anything. Yet to my surprise, upon recalling the memories, I felt my mind start to sink under their weight, and the precursor to a headache began to develop. I decided to not mention this to Shadow.

"My first nightmare occurred around the same time Amanda had her second nightmare. I had retired from adventuring and was wandering in some forest in the Nexus with a map. Something to do with a distant relative and self-replicating golems going extinct. I don't think those particular details were relevant. Anyways, I was wandering in a forest with a map when a stranger wearing a cloak started following me. They sent out this massive shockwave that drew my body toward them, then opened up this huge hole of nothingness that sucked my body and consciousness inside. Then I woke up to the sound of Amanda's scream and had a terrible headache.

"Shortly after I woke up from that, I started getting the headaches and visions. I'd see an image of the world hole flash in my mind, or occasionally something indescribable, and then I would get a headache. The stronger the image, the stronger the headache, generally, although some headaches were not accompanied with visions.

"Then, last night, I had a second nightmare. I was back home in my old world. A few of my friends were there - some old ones, some new. Kay and Warnado were there. We were planning on buying something. The dream wasn't very transparent about what that thing was. We couldn't come to agreement on some important criterion. When I tried to question why it mattered, Warnado told me I wasn't allowed to do that. Something about it being against the rules of reality. When I told him that didn't make sense, we got into a heated argument. Then a hole of nothingness appeared beneath us and swallowed us all.

"After that nightmare happened, the visions and headaches continued this morning, although they spared me during our escape. Which brings us to now…"

At this point, the headache induced by my recollection became too painful to hide. I winced and grasped my forehead. The vision of the impossible nothingness raged in my consciousness, refusing to coexist with my existing emotional safeguards and logical coping mechanisms. The pain of the loss of my friends opened up like a half-healed wound which had broken and started bleeding again. And I found myself fantasizing without restraint all the ways the endermen we were just fighting could have killed me, had I made one misplaced strike… one under-apportioned defense spell…

"Astro." Shadow's voice abruptly re-anchored me in the here and now. "Are you okay?"

The headache was still painful, but my mind was starting to come back around. I told Shadow, "Better than a few seconds ago. Recalling my nightmares again took a greater toll on me than I realized. But I think it's important to analyze them further, once I better understand my limits."

Shadow nodded thoughtfully. "In the end you're the one who decides the approach."

"Any insights from what I've told you so far?"

"As for your condition, not much, only that for now it isn't an immediate threat. What it did do was get me thinking. About what I am."

"Oh?"

Shadow said: "I wasn't always like this, you know? I used to be quite human, although I don't remember much about that time. From what Fire told me, from birth on I had some kind of… aversion or fear of anyone but him, I was just reclusive at the start but at some point got worse, cripplingly so. He said that I'd run, try to hide when faced with anyone else. Over the years he had searched for someone who would be able to help me, many failed until he finally found the ones who succeeded. They had created a technology unlike anything our world had known, more akin to magic. Using that they created the world we came to Nexus from, in there I was free. Fire also developed a… procedure, or ritual perhaps, that also freed me in the other world. In the process it made me into what I am now." Shadow paused. "I have a question for you Astro: In your opinion, what is 'humanity'?"

I paused for a moment. Shadow apparently had a dark past of her own, with some strands of her issues likely unresolved, so I chose my words carefully. "I've come around to thinking one's biology is not what gives someone humanity. Too many humans have committed terrible acts of suffering and violence. But at the same time… to not admit the existence of evil in others is to deny the full spectrum of human nature. In all of us is the capacity for acts both wonderful and terrible. As well as ingenuity and stupidity. I would hesitate to draw a line in the sand as there are always exceptions."

"Fire said something similar, he said that humanity is simply potential. However there is still something I'm worried about. My mind definitely works differently from yours, or that of anyone else I know. I have this fear that someday I might just lose my connection to conventional thought and do something terrible, a difference in perception like when I took you flying except that the result would be more far-reaching and permanent. What's worse is that this connection isn't just a metaphorical concept but a very tangible thing. To make it short, I think that my brother's survival is directly tied to my ability to think more humanlike. We always shared some kind of bond, it's probably why I wasn't afraid of him."

"Loss of the ones you love and care for is a very powerful fear," I reassured her, "and a very human one."

"I am aware, and I am glad. What concerns me is not what is but what could be. I don't know what losing Fire would do to me, not just emotionally but… I can't rule out the possibility that him being alive is what stops me from being simply a sentient cosmic force, like the Entity."

I paused. I had my share of conversations with Kay about his own worries, but Shadow's concerns about her humanity were starting to seem like a very different type of pathology and I wouldn't say I knew better if her concerns were real or just the product of anxiety, especially given we haven't known each other very long.

Shadow sighed. "It probably makes no sense to obsess about it but I can't shake it either. However, I'm glad I could talk about it with someone."

"You're probably right. Some issues are challenging to figure out but it helps to talk about them. Also, given I was just on the verge of a mental breakdown a moment ago, I want to make it clear that I'm not holding you to blame for it. Overall you've been an incredibly helpful part of our group. You really saved our skins back there with the orbs and the artillery and all." I casually laughed, trying to dispel the tension as I reflected upon the chaos. In hindsight, there was a dark humor to Shadow's dramatic entrance which concluded the fight; the balls of light which pierced the endermen were of the same type used during our dodgeball session, albeit with much more energy and at much higher speed.

Shadow began to smile. "I appreciate it. We're all in this together and no matter how you look at it, the more smoothly we can work together the better for everyone."

I smiled, too. Now that we were finally out of that village and no longer terrorized by those enderman shock troopers, things were starting to turn around for us, and we were all starting to recover. I just hoped Kay would pull through quickly too so I could talk to him about that damned book.

"I wonder how Fire is doing with his expedition."