Chapter 59: Fall

January 31, 1945

The snow was cold. The wind was cold. The air was cold. And Bucky had a bad feeling about this.

It was easy enough for her to write off Lu's bad feelings with paranoia and the recently passed full moon - the moon did things to the world, whether the boys wanted to believe it or not. But here they were, dressed to the nines in tactical gear, layered up with weapons and explosives, and standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking the railroad tracks. In the winter storm the tracks looked like a dark skeleton, hiding and waiting to jump them at the best opportunity, its ribs bare and waiting for fresh meat.

The plan was simple enough: zip line onto the train as it passed below them, find their way onto it, find Zola, and pull the train to a stop a couple miles down the line where SSR forces were waiting to arrest him. Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, trying to ward off the bad feelings as well as the cold. He wished he were more religious, so that he could pray or make an offering or something that would give him more comfort. He looked to Lu and Steve, and hoped that God chose to protect more than just the meek, but also the valiant, and the fighters, and the idiots trying to take down rogue organizations. A train shot and rattled its way down the track, right on schedule, making the whole mountain shake.

Steve turned on his heel and started walking back to the pile they called camp, giving him a nod as he passed. The muscles of his jaw worked as he clenched his teeth, his back ramrod straight as he attempted to shoulder all the stress and responsibility of this mission. This would be their biggest win - or their biggest failure. Lu moved to the edge of the cliff, sliding her arms around Bucky's waist and tucking herself against him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to his chest.

"I don't like this." he said, his deep voice rumbling through her. If she shifted just right, he could smell her skin and shampoo instead of just the cold. He leaned into it.

"Me neither." she agreed. "But what other choice do we have?"

He sighed heavily, laying his cheek against the top of her head and clutching her tighter. She could barely breathe, but that was fine. "I'm tired."

"Of what?" she asked, knowing that he did not mean from lack of sleep.

"All of this. Tired of fighting. Tired of killing." he said. He didn't mean to say the last part out loud, but there it was. And it was just the truth. He stiffened slightly, and when she hugged him closer, he relaxed again. "I just want it all to be over."

"Today, and one more." she reminded him. "That's all we have to make it through. Today and one more."

"Today and one more." he said. "Then we can get married and forget all this shit ever happened."

"How do we explain the past two years to our kids then?" she asked him, the thought of them having a family warming him from the inside.

"We can tell them whatever we want. We're the parents, they have to believe us." he said. His shrug shook her head awkwardly, but it was easy enough to settle back into her place.

"And you believe everything your parents ever told you? Cause I sure don't."

"Shh." he shushed her, moving her face so it was crushed against his chest. She laughed, wriggling until he let her out. It was so easy to flirt and talk about the future instead of focusing on what was in front of them.

"You've messed up my lipstick." she said, dabbing at her lips with her thick gloves.

"Bullshit. You're not wearing any lipstick." he said, calling her bluff. To prove it, he leaned down and pressed his cold, chapped lips against hers. It was not their most romantic or even their most pleasant kiss, but she still welcomed it. It occurred to him that, no matter how long they lived, there was a finite number of kisses that they would share, and he wanted that number to be as high as possible. So he kissed her again and again and again until Steve hollered at them, his joke half-ass at best and falling flat in the snow between them.

"Hush, Steve." Lu said, not willing to move away from Bucky. He rested his head against hers, looking out at the zip line and where it ran over the tracks. Steve came to stand next to them, his hands on his belt.

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?" Bucky asked. He said it fondly, but there was something else there, the undercurrent of nerves that she felt too.

"Yea, and I threw up?" Steve countered, also looking out over the tracks. Lu had no clue what the Cyclone was, and she had no interest in finding out.

"This isn't payback, is it?" Bucky said, and Lu knew she definitely didn't want to know what the Cyclone was.

"Now why would I do that?" Steve said, one corner of his mouth lifting in a grin. He had just enough mischief left in him, and Bucky let out a low growl that couldn't be heard over the wind.

"We were right, Dr. Zola's on the train." Gabe called from the radio. "Hydra dispatcher gave them permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad."

Bucky pulled back from Lu, his spine straightening as he adopted his mission posture. It was a subtle change, and she wasn't even sure he knew he was doing it, but she could tell the moment he turned from lover to soldier. She comforted herself by remembering that this would be the second to last time he had to do it.

Steve pulled on his helmet, going to the edge of the cliff and looking down. Falsworth kept looking through the binoculars, waiting to give the signal.

"Let's get going, because they're moving like the devil." he said, an edge to his voice. The boys loaded up their packs and grabbed their handles, getting everything hooked up to the waiting line.

"Cut over that ridge." Bucky said, pointing to the mountain behind them. "If you go fast enough, you'll catch us as we come all the way around the bend."

"I know, Barnes." she said gently. He acted like he didn't hear her.

"Watch for the ice, it'll make you slip. And test a spot before you go, you don't want it to be snow instead of rock."

"I know, Barnes." she said, taking his face in her hands. "I'm not the one you need to worry about here."

"I'll be fine, I just gotta make sure my girl's waiting for me." he said. "As long as I know you're there, I'm golden."

"I'll be there." she said with a smile. "I'll always be there. Now go on, you'll miss your train."

"That was a terrible joke."

"I love you too."

"Love you." he said.

"Barnes!" Dernier called, and Bucky hopped to. He threw a wink over his shoulder before throwing the hook over the line, jumping off the edge before he could think too hard about it. His stomach lurched and he nearly did vomit as the line bounced with his weight, the other men going down making the line shudder and shift. A sharp wind cut into him, nearly making him lose his grip. The snow in the air turned to bullets as it whipped into his face, forcing him to narrow his eyes as he neared the landing at frightening speed.

Steve made the first landing, and a beat later Bucky dropped, his stomach in his throat during that moment of weightlessness. He barely remembered to absorb the impact, the metal of the train taking his weight with barely a sound. Now that they were in a line, he could use Steve's bulk as a windshield, keeping the worst of it from his face. He wanted to chance a glance back up at Lu, but they were already past the first mountain, and she was no longer in sight.

He followed Steve up the train, keeping an eye out for anyone that might pop their head up while they were going, but they were able to reach the door with no interference. It was weird, he thought; the train should be better guarded. He wanted to blame hubris, but after all their attacks and with one base remaining, could Hydra really afford to be this arrogant?

Gabe stayed up on the roof with his rifle as Bucky and Steve swung into the train car, Bucky taking the time to close the door behind them. Normally he hated shutting off any possible exits, but it's not like the door would be a viable one. They were in a weapons car, but all of the cars were connected so that the next was visible, which was terrible for them. He shifted, putting the butt of his rifle against his shoulder and readying himself to look through the sight. Without the cold and the wind, it felt like his senses were turned to eleven, and every creak and crack from the train had his nerves jumping.

Steve went first, the car ahead of them appearing empty. But something was wrong here. It was too easy to get in, and no one was waiting for them. Something was horribly, horribly wrong.

The doors between the cars slammed shut, separating him and Steve. Bucky turned and raised his rifle, no longer able to worry about his friend. Sure enough, soldiers started lining up at the opposite end of his car, coming towards him with weapons. He zeroed in on the area between their helmets and their shoulders, controlling the bursts of his bullets so he took them out one at a time. He used the weapons trunks as cover, trying to ignore the loud bang coming from the car next door. He couldn't help Steve if he caught a bullet with his face.

His rifle clicked as it ran out of rounds, and he threw it over his shoulder and pulled out his pistol. He could hear one more set of boots, but they were on the opposite side of the car, behind the set up in the middle. He took a deep breath, waiting until the guy stepped just right, and moved quickly across the small space, letting out a few well aimed shots to take him out. Another trunk waited for him, providing him with cover. How long that cover would last, he couldn't say.

More bullets started spraying his direction, and he waited for the few seconds between rounds to lean over and shoot. Unfortunately, this soldier was smarter than the others, ducking back behind the weapons case to cover himself. He leaned over once more, determined to make the shot, and cursed as his gun clicked without firing. Dammit, he never learned to count his shots, like a fucking greenie.

He leaned against the trunks, knowing he didn't have anything to reload. The other guy would know he was out of rounds, and would likely advance. He pulled his knife from its sheath, adjusting it so the grip was just right. If he could move fast enough and get in close enough, he could cut the guy's throat before he got shot. He didn't want to get shot again; Lu would kill him if he did.

The door next to him slid open, and there was Steve in all his star spangled glory. He held up his pistol and, with a shrug, tossed it across to Bucky. Bucky reminded himself to host a special gun safety class with the idiot as soon as they got back to base, because throwing a live weapon was a huge no-no. Not that he wasn't grateful for it, of course. Steve pulled his shield up and started running headlong into the fray, not caring about anything except the shooter. Bucky cursed inwardly - the bastard never learned not to be so goddamned impulsive - and waited until the soldier stepped out, his focus entirely on Steve.

One shot, one kill.

"I had him on the ropes." Bucky said, feeling the need to justify himself. After all, he was still a better fighter, even if Steve was bigger. And stronger. And faster.

"I know." Steve said. A high pitched whine from behind them interrupted the serenity, and with reactions that Bucky had never seen Steve yelled, "Get down!" and threw him behind the shield. A huge blast came at them, ricocheting off the shield and tearing open the side of the train. Cold ripped into them again, the wind nearly knocking the breath from him. Well, so much for not having an exit.

Steve was face down, gasping from the weight of the hit. The whining started again. Bucky spotted the shield in front of him, saw Steve still down, and knew what he had to do. He pushed himself up, grabbing the shield and holding it in front of him, emptying his clip at some weird dude in a robot suit with two glowing blue cannons.

Fuck. Lu was gonna be really pissed about this one.

The cannon went off, and whatever force Bucky was expecting, it was exponentially more. He felt as the shield flew away from him, his body careening back like that stupid Cyclone ride. He spotted a railing and reached for it, glad that his body realized to grab it since his mind took a second to catch up. He held on for dear life, his hands cramping and ice slamming into him as the train sped on. He couldn't see into the train, the snow clouded his vision. But he could hear Steve, and hear the sounds of someone moving. He just had to hold on.

"Bucky!" He heard Steve call him, but he was so much further than he thought. His hands were slipping with the ice and the force of the train, but he couldn't let go, wouldn't dare let go. Steve crawled out after him, holding tight to the railing and keeping his body close to the metal of the train. Smart, Bucky thought. Here he was flapping like a flag in a hurricane, and Steve was sticking close. "Hold on!" Steve called, again the words nearly getting carried away by the wind. Great advice, Bucky thought. Of course he had to hold on. He had to hold on, and get back in the train, and get fucking Zola so that he could get back to Lu. There were no other options except for holding on.

He inched his way up the railing, moving towards Steve. He gritted his teeth against the pain in his arms, the way his muscles screamed for him to let go. He was surviving on pure spite and chutzpah at this point, knowing that he had to get home. "Grab my hand!" Steve said. He was closer now, much closer, and reaching out to him. He was reaching so far that Bucky could almost touch him.

He put a hand out.

He was right there.

Just a little further…

The metal of the railing squealed, shifting quickly downwards. His body jolted with the force, and he tried to make one last ditch swing towards Steve's hand-

And then the rail broke free. And he was falling.

How fucking typical, he thought.

He screamed as he fell, but didn't try to flap his arms or flip around. He'd seen the canyon below, and he knew what was waiting for him. He waited for his life to flash before his eyes, but all he could think of was Lu. He saw her smile, the way her green eyes sparkled in the twilight, the way her hair shone gold in the morning. He saw the annoyed face she gave him when he flirted with her, saw her laugh whenever she got a joke in on him, saw the way she closed her eyes when he pleasured her. She was his whole life, his everything.

And here he was, letting her down.

Just like he was always afraid he would.

At least he'd told her he loved her.

Across the range, on a mountain taller than it should be, Lu watched the train run. She watched the side tear open. She watched someone fall.

"Steve?!" she said through the walkie talkie, the metal buttons biting into her skin as she held on too tight. Her eyes followed the path of the falling person, clocking exactly where they were, like a dove falling from the sky after a shot. "Steve, who was that?"

The walkie crackled and buzzed, but no voice came through. "Steve!" she yelled, her panic raw and obvious in her voice. "Steve, who was that?!"

"Doc, I'm…" she thought the radio was cutting out, but Steve was just speechless. The person sank below the fog level, and her breath caught in her chest. Her heart froze, her body turned to stone, and over the buzzing in her ears she barely heard Steve say, "I'm sorry, Doc. I couldn't reach him."

Later, she did not recall what she did with the walkie talkie, or if Steve said anything after that. All that mattered was getting down the mountain, down to where Bucky landed. There was no way he could survive a fall from that height, logically she knew that. But that did not stop her from scrambling down the mountain side, sliding more than half the way, with nothing in her mind except to find him. If she found him, she could fix him. And then he would be okay, and they could leave all this behind and do everything they wanted. He could not be dead, she decided, because she would not allow him to be dead. He could not be dead, because if he was, she wasn't sure that she could survive either. She just had to find him, that was all.

The thick snow of the ravine slowed her down, but she didn't feel the weight of it. With strength she did not know she possessed she pushed through it, making her way to the river. Based on where the train was, Bucky would be far upstream from here, but the river would give her a roadmap, something to follow, a way for them to get back. She plowed through the snow on the shore, losing her footing more than once and toppling into the drifts, her eyes frantically scanning for any sign of Bucky. There were trees down here too, tall trees with thick branches. What if he was stuck in one of them?

She was so concerned about the trees that she almost missed him. With his dark coat, he blended in with the churning grey waters of the river, and it was only the pale white of his face that alerted her to his location. Her heart resumed beating, aching terribly as she saw him. He looked so pale, and there was no telling how long he'd been in the water. He was also coming towards her at an alarming rate, and if she didn't figure out a plan fast, he was going to go on by her. She still refused to believe he was dead; maybe, if he fell in the water, he was able to survive.

It was stupid to go into the river. She knew that. Winters in Virginia taught her that ages ago. But right now, unless she got in that water too, there was no way she could grab him. So she dropped her medic bag in the snow and waded into the freezing waters, her adrenaline strong enough that she didn't feel the pain of the frigid temperature.

"Barnes!" she called as he came nearer. His body bumped and swayed as he hit God knew what, but luckily he stayed face up. "Barnes, wake up!" She waded further into the water, going until it was waist deep. It was hard to breathe now, but it didn't matter to her. If it was cold enough to kill her, then it was cold enough to kill him, so in the end there wouldn't be anything to worry about. She tried to at least keep her hands above water, knowing that as soon as they got too cold, any chance of stitching him up would go right out the window. And he would need stitching up, that was for sure.

Something in the water shifted his body again, this time sending him closer to her. She timed the way the water moved and held her hands out, keeping him in sight as he drifted faster and faster. He was close enough now for her to see his face, to see how blue his lips were and how his eyes were devastatingly closed. She reached out for him, her fingers brushing his coat, but a change in the current pushed him away again. She screamed, loud and unholy, and jumped all the way into the water after him, scrambling and floundering until she finally caught his sleeve. Her teeth chattered involuntarily as she pulled him back to shore, the current taking them yards and yards down from where her kit was. Between the water and his mass it was an uphill battle to get him on the shore, his body lying there limply as if there were no life in it.

"Wake up, Barnes." Lu pleaded. She tried to pull herself together, but it wasn't working, the little bits and pieces of her heart that he'd wedged himself into were starting to break apart. "Barnes, please! Wake up! Wake up, dammit!" She started chest compressions, feeling like something was different in the way he laid but not present enough to figure out what it was. She tilted his head back, his lips deathly cold as she pushed air into his lungs. She went back to the chest compressions, feeling as his sternum sank with each thrust, how his ribs strained against the pressure of her hands. They told them, in CPR training, that if they broke a couple ribs then they did it right. Another tilt, another breath.

"Barnes, please," she said, her voice thick with tears. Not like this, she thought. After everything, not like this.

A final thrust and his eyes snapped open. He attempted to take a breath but it came out as a gurgle, soon changing to a mix between coughing and vomiting. She pushed him onto his right side so he could get it all out, now realizing why something about his posture felt off. The left arm of his jacket hung limp, but not like his arm was paralyzed, or dislocated.

It wasn't there.

"Barnes, you with me?" she asked. She could feel her tears as they froze to her face, but she ignored them. She turned him to his back, hoping he would stay conscious, but his eyes fluttered as he stood on the brink. "Barnes, Barnes I need you to stay awake. Barnes, come on." She patted his cheek, but he sank into unconsciousness again. At least this time, he was breathing.

Lu was torn; she needed her kit, but she didn't want to leave him. She went through the checklist in her head, finally making a decision: if she left to get the kit and came back, he might die. If she stayed here without her kit, he would definitely die. She pressed a kiss to his lips and promised to return, even if he wasn't awake to hear her, and ran back through the snow, trying to find her pack. She should be freezing and exhausted, she knew that. But apparently her body was deciding to ignore all that in favor of saving Bucky's life.

He was still breathing when she came back, and with trembling hands she cut open the sleeve of his jacket. His arm was gone above his elbow, the stump a jagged mess of tissue and bone, and bleeding freely. She pulled out a lighter. Normally, she would use this to make a fire and heat up something to cauterize the wound, but she didn't have the time or the resources for that. Instead, she was forced to hold her breath and burn the bleeding vessels, cauterizing them so that Bucky's blood stayed inside where it belonged. The sickening smell of burning flesh made her stomach roll but she forced herself to focus, pausing every few seconds to see if she got everything covered. Bucky's brow furrowed as she worked, but he didn't wake. Good, so he still felt pain. That was a good sign.

When everything was burnt and closed, she allowed herself to sit back and retch helplessly into the snow next to her. The sounds of the train were long gone, and now that Bucky was very nearly stable, her adrenaline was crashing. They weren't out of the woods - literally or figuratively - but at least they were out of the water, and Bucky was no longer bleeding out.

It was then she realized she lost the walkie talkie.

"Fuck!" she yelled, never feeling so alone. The mountains stood above her, formidable foes keeping her trapped here. The snow around her dampened any noise, any cry for help. They had no exit strategy, no extraction point. They were on their own. Lu tried to picture the map in her head, seeing the train stops along the way. It followed the river, downstream. So if they kept following the river, they would find the train stop. If they found the train stop, they would find people. And if they found people, then they could get home.

It was as good a plan as any.

"Come on, Barnes." she said, shouldering her pack and grabbing him by his remaining arm. It would be nice if she had some sort of stretcher so he would slide along the top of the snow. Instead she had to drag him, step by step, downstream. The gouge they left in the snow was a painful reminder of how slow their progress was. The fatigue was starting to set in then, but she refused to acknowledge it. Bucky had gotten them out of the bunker, now it was her turn to get them out of here.

"If you die, I'll kill you, you know that right?" she said, huffing and puffing. Her breath rose in clouds as she gasped, and she wondered if it would work as a smoke signal, if the others would see it and know where to find her. As if in answer, the wind picked up, dispersing everything before it could go anywhere. The snow started getting thicker, swirling towards them, and in the distance the clouds were dark and heavy. A storm was blowing in - a blizzard, by the looks of it.

She needed to hurry.

"You can wake up any time now." she said, grunting as she pulled him. "Please, Barnes. Please wake up." Her arms felt dead, her back was screaming, and her legs were either frozen or on fire, she couldn't decide which. Every breath felt like knives in her lungs. But still she kept pulling.

She thought she was losing her mind, hearing voices in the wind in a language she didn't understand. Maybe the Norns were right the whole time, and this was the valkyries, coming to collect her and Bucky as they died in battle. Would knives count as swords in this case? Through the snowfall, she saw the forms of two men, their hats matching the ones commonly worn by their friends the Soviets. Allies. They had allies! Lu collapsed to her knees, letting Bucky rest against her chest, and smiled as the men grew closer. Her breath was too short to call to them, but they had to see her, they were coming right towards her. Their guns were not at the ready, so maybe they already knew they were allies.

The snow slowed for a second, and she could see that while they were in Soviet uniforms, the patches had been ripped from it. Even from the distance, she could see the red and black image that plagued her nightmares. Suddenly, she hoped they had not seen them.

"Barnes. Barnes if you're gonna wake up, now would be a good time." she said. Adrenaline flooded her again, her heart hammering as she grabbed him under his arms and started pulling again. If she could make it to the tree line before the two men saw her, then she could hide them. They would be safe. But the snow was thick, and Bucky was heavy, and for every one step she took the men took two or three. The trees, which seemed so close, now seemed impossibly far away.

If she didn't continue to drag him, they would not make it. Hydra was going to find them, and take them again. If they were lucky, Hydra would kill them. And if they weren't…

Lu realized, with a shock, that she had a choice. This was it, the defining moment that they always romanticized in those recruiting videos. She looked down at Bucky, still unconscious and blue. But his chest rose and fell as he breathed. He was still alive.

He was still alive, and she promised she would always be there.

She sank to her knees once more, kneeling in defeat and holding Bucky to her chest. He was mumbling something, but she couldn't make it out. She just pulled him closer, putting her cold cheek against his. "I'm here." she said quietly, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here." Tears came again, this time in mourning. Mourning for both of them, and for the life they wanted to share. The two Soviets spotted her then, raising their rifles and shouting to her in Russian. She looked up at them, sniffling back her fears.

"Please." she said, hoping they could understand her. Her voice cracked as she spoke, giving in to her fear. Never had she been more terrified, or more sure of a decision. "Please, he's hurt." If they didn't get shot on sight, they had a chance, even if it was a small one. The men talked to each other then looked back to her, pulling something from their packs. In record time they had a sled made, and strapped him into it. Pretenses were gone as the one man pointed his rifle at her, poking her roughly in the chest. She held her hands up, and this time, there was no trembling.

"I know." she said, standing up and walking with them. "I'm coming. I'm coming with him."

She didn't know if they understood, but at least they didn't shoot her. She left her pack, and her supplies, and slowly, she walked with them back into hell.

Anyone else crying? I'm crying. I've known the whole time how this chapter was going to go, and yet it still hurt to write.

Thank y'all for your feedback! I love love love to hear y'all's responses, I can't wait to hear what y'all thought of this one!

-XM