"See your body into the moonlight
Even if I try to cancel all the pictures into the mind…
There's a flashing in my eyes
See the future into the present, see my past lives in the distance
Try to guess now what's going on
…And the band begins to play
Don't you see my condition? The fiction is gonna run it again
Can't you see now? Illusions, right into the mind
Deja vu! I've just been in this place before
Higher on the street, and I know it's my time to go
Calling you, and the search is a mystery
Standing on my feet, it's all hard when I try to be me, woah!
Deja vu! I've just been in this time before
Higher on the beat, and I know it's a place to go
Calling you, and the search is a mystery
Standing on my feet, it's all hard when I try to be me, yeah!"
Deja Vu, by Super Eurobeat.
6th Arc: Denial Red
Chapter 59: Chatter in the Masquerade
December 15th, 07:25 PM.
(PX.)
[Meiya]
"That was not my fault." Ayamine said, lowering her brows.
"Yes, it was. I asked you to not advance so much." Sakaki again countered. "If we work as an element, you have to stay near my position. You already know I can't move as fast as you do."
"I'm trying to actually beat our enemies. Hiding all the time won't do us good." She retorted before going back to her dinner.
"I will have to agree, Sakaki. While I welcome the idea to shuffle our positions, it is clear you're not yet ready to take the role of a vanguard."
"Mitsurugi, that's not the issue here." She tenses her lips, closing her eyes as she tapped her glasses. "Regardless of my position, Ayamine's tendency to advance carelessly could compromise a mission. She won't always have someone like you or Shirogane to accompany her."
"I just do not see the merits of such an approach. Why place us in places where we will not work at our full capacity?" I fold my arms, as I cannot fathom what she's trying to achieve.
"Did you ask yourself how good your covering fire was, Mitsurugi?" Sakaki says as she leans back and looks away.
"What? You know I am not a good a sniper as Tamase."
"What is it? You're adept at criticizing me, why can't you say that you failed in your task openly?"
"Mmgh… It is true that I did not fulfill my role today, but that is because you placed me in a position I am not comfortable with." What is wrong with her? I had thought Sakaki had changed… It seems I was mistaken.
"And how would you rate my performance as a vanguard?" She then asked, more slowly while yet again beginning to make circles in the air. So… I cannot read her intent as of now.
"Atrociously terribad." Ayamine answered while I was trying to find the right words.
I can practically feel my breath turning cold at the sight of Sakaki scowling at the one sitting to my left. Sakaki's lips seem to contort, swallowing a retort. Tamase, who was sitting to her right, sighed heavily when she saw our leader calm down. I merely shook my head.
"Ayamine… What does terribad even means?" Sakaki says, eyes still narrowed.
"Ask Special-kun, I just think it sounds funny. And you were awful, worst partner I've ever fought with."
"…Precisely. And that's why we'll continue to use this formation from now on." Sakaki declared and then returned to her plate.
If she admits her own shortcoming… Why continue down this path? It is unlike her, when Sakaki voices her own failings she usually back downs from her plans, even if that only happened rarely. I fold my arms, deliberating within myself for a moment at how to approach her.
"…Sakaki, forgive me for insisting, but I do not see what good this will do. If you also have seen none of us benefited from this training, I think it best that we return to our usual formation."
"No, that will only make everything worse. We need adaptability if we ever wish to catch up to the rest of the Valkyries." She answered, despite her voice being calm it was apparent in how her chin and eyes contracted that she is troubled, angered perhaps, at our results so far. "At this rate, we will take many months to get up to skill. So, we need to begin by polishing our individual abilities before anything."
"Hard disagree." Ayamine said in her usual emotion lacking tone. "We would benefit more from letting everyone do what they do best."
"I agree with Ayamine. I am to be a Strike Vanguard, so while I can only agree in further polishing our skills, I see no reason for you to place me as a Blast Guard." One of Sakaki's brows twitched and she then sighed. "I believe every one of us has a role we excel at. I am of the opinion that we should return to what was working best for us, with you in the middle as our leader."
"Sigh… I just told you, we can't keep going like this." Sakaki said, practically sighing the words out. What… has gotten to her? Could she be dejected with herself?
"Sakaki, no one is blaming you for this slump we are now in. You do not need to shoulder it all on your own."
"Sadly, the leader has to take responsibility for it's team. So, it's up to me to find a new way to take us out of this lock."
"You're only digging the hole."
"Ayamine, must you?" She shrugs, I sigh and see Sakaki's gaze lost in her soup, not even wishing to retort to Ayamine.
She also seems to notice it, growing a bit stiff. If Sakaki is again holding the words in, retreating within herself… this will end up in the same way our prior trainings before Takeru arrived. I… What can I do to help without undermining Sakaki's role as our leader? I do think she is mistaken, but if I keep pushing that fact… her confidence might crumble. She is taking this harder than the rest after all.
"Um…" Tamase's interjection was barely more than a whisper, she switched her gaze from us to her plate in indecision for a moment. "Maybe we could… leave the swapped positions for our simulations? If we keep falling back on the mock battles, the Cpt. will continue to increase the sim run's difficulty, right? We're already struggling in comparison to the results the others are scoring, so we should do our best in one area, in my opinion."
"So much that." Ayamine said. "We need one good result. We can't keep screwing up."
"…And that's why I'm telling you all, we should first get used to shuffling around the battlefield." Sakaki tightened a fist, dispelling anger's roots from the soil of her words. "The Valkyries won't give us the luxury of two identical battles or a detailed skirmish plan. Even the Gleipnir, who have yet to grow acquainted with each other's habits, defeated us without much trouble despite not having the Instructor or Shirogane-kun in the field." We all lowered our gazes at that, remembering the mock battle we had against them.
I had thought I could fight toe to toe with Mion and Shion, but as it turns out they had been holding back during my last test. Takamura was also a truly formidable opponent, and both Isumi's and Maejima's performances were also nothing to scoff at. We were evenly matched, five against five. It is true we were using Fubukis, but we should be more knowledgeable on the XM3's usage. And yet, we were throughly bested again. Which is why agreed to try Sakaki's suggestion, as a way to clear away these clogging chains on my hands, these doubts that threaten to take hold of me.
Before all the Valkyries return to their Takemikazuchis, before the Major and Takeru join the Gleipnir in the mock battles, we are required to reach a satisfactory level of competency. Cpt. Isumi said that otherwise we will not be allowed to pilot Shiranuis and will continue to use Fubukis until we gain their approval.
"Sakaki, I truly agree on your wish." She seems to relax her gaze and lips. "I do know we need much training to reach our peers' side. Yet, I believe Tamase speaks the truth. We, as a team and individuals, need to gain our first victory since our commission. We need to see positive results."
"Sigh.. I know that already. But we won't see different results if we stick to the same trainings forever." She narrowed her brows, again raising a finger.
"We won't prove ourselves if we keep failing, though." Ayamine retorted as she leaned back on her seat.
"Ayamine-san, please don't say that." Tamase began, her tone rising from that whisper. "We all are in this together. So… maybe we could keep trying for a few days?"
"Tamase, we do not have the luxury of time." I sigh as she looks down immediately, as if that was all it took to have her silenced. "Surely you also weren't comfortable as a Rush Guard?"
"Well… I guess."
"It's as if Miki-san was missing a wing as she flied. Speaking of, I think this tale of a bird is-" Yoroi commented, despite having being silent most of the time.
"Yoroi, this is not the time for your ramblings." I cut her off, before she worsens the mood.
"Eh? But I was just-"
"Please, read the mood. You shouldn't speak up now."
"…Why not? Why can't I take part in the conversation?"
My mouth was left agape as Yoroi returned my gaze intensely. I looked at her, Yoroi was to my right so it was clear to me. Her brows furrowed and lips pursed, she reminds me of those lynxes I saw in books. It is rare to see her… No, scratch that, I have never seen her hold her ground to speak up. Despite a slight shaking in her shoulders, she returns my gaze firmly.
"I think all of you are misunderstanding Chizuru-san here. Meiya-san, Ayamine-san, you tend to move forward without considering that we might not reach your side to cover you."
"That is… As the vanguard it is our duty to-"
"Do you think those excuses will convince the Captain or the Major?" She narrowed her brows, my words clogged my throat for a moment.
"…I am not making excuses. It is our role to take the frontlines."
"Yes, that's true. But you can't just rush away and put yourselves in danger. Didn't you learn anything from what Takeru told you? You know, cancel and back-dash?"
Ah… She does have a point. Takeru would also have reminded me of that. Yet, he would have covered us… No, I cannot think in this way. I cannot solely rely on him. Even more after what Mion and Shion told me. Despite how late it is, it seems he hasn't yet come to eat dinner to boot.
"So, you're saying this method will help us somehow?"
"Yeah. You saw how Chizuru-san was acting when trying to be a vanguard, right?" I nod. "So, now you know how frustrating it is as a Blast Guard to have the vanguard rush ahead without a care, right?"
"Wait, are you saying… I cannot believe I did not see it." It all makes sense now.
Sakaki is trying to have us see our own shortcomings by placing us in other positions. Me and Ayamine tend to move too far ahead, it is true. So, if we are placed in the read and are forced to keep up with that while having to cover them, we will learn how detrimental it is to the team as a whole, even if from our position it seems as if we were making the right call.
The same applies for Tamase. She tends to get down easily and is not odd for her to downplay her contributions, so by displacing her in the formation and having someone else be the sniper, we can show her how truly vital her marksmanship is for us, perhaps more by placing her in the frontlines.
So that is what this was about… Polishing our vision individually, both to sharpen our habits from the training course and to allow us to take different roles on the fly if the situation so demands, to then allow us to bring better results for the team as a whole.
"I see… I was so focused on my own role that I failed to see the bigger picture."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
I explain to Ayamine what I just realized, allowing Sakaki to sigh and recover a faint smile.
"That's exactly what I was trying to do. But telling you beforehand would have been counterproductive, so I chose to keep that to myself, to let you figure it out on your own through the trainings." She nods, again making circles in the air.
This time, however, she seems to catch herself and stops said finger, furrowing her brows at that for some reason. Why would she be bothered by that?
"…You could have told us, though." Ayamine narrowed her eyes at her.
"It wouldn't have done much. I think it's better to let us reach our own answers through experience." Sakaki shrugs, then goes back to eating.
"I agree with Sakaki in this. Now that this has been cleared up, I suppose we could continue this method for a few days."
"Kei-san, maybe you should be the Blast Guard tomorrow." Yoroi smiles teasingly at her, making Tamase giggle at Ayamine's reaction.
"…God no. Anything but that, my sniping sucks."
"Use the chance to improve. You never know what might happen in the field, after all." I nod in agreement with Sakaki's words, Ayamine groans as she leaves her mouth slightly open.
"But it's not all bad. We all have to get our wings together to fly, so let's try a bit harder tomorrow!" Yoroi said, a smile on her face.
"Yoroi, what is this matter regarding wings?"
"Hm? What are you talking about, Meiya-san?"
"Well, you said something about wings when speaking of Tamase, and you did so now as well. It was that example what got me to see the motive behind the training, so I was wondering if there was more about those words."
"Ahaha… Well, you got me." She giggles as she scratches her head. "You see, Takeru reminded me of a bird during our talk today."
"Hm? You talked with Shirogane-kun about birds?" Sakaki suddenly fixated her gaze on Yoroi, who didn't seem to notice the sudden chance.
I also lowered my brows as I gazed at her. I did not know Takeru was knowledgeable about birds… Did they have a private talk amidst the practice? Then… Why did he not approach me at all today?
"You see, there is this tale of old about a bird called the jian…"
Yoroi then told us of this bird of legend, of how it only has one wing and it has to cooperate to fly. And of how Takeru used it to describe our endeavors. We cannot fly on our own, we're merely another wing of the whole squadron. Such wisdom, I can only regret not being there to hear it from his lips.
But those words hold much truth to them. We cannot compromise the other wings with our own flight. I was letting my frustration cloud my sight once more.
"Thank you for sharing this with us, Yoroi. I believe we needed that reminder as of now."
"Yeah, I guess we did." She scratches her head again. "But anyways, I wanted to discuss with you another thing Takeru suggested me. What do you think of practicing as a normal flight from time to time?"
"You mean… having only four of us at a time?"
"Yes. That way, we might find new synergies, or… we'll realize how vital someone is in a certain spot. Chizuru-san, what do you think?"
"Well… We can do short practices in the sims on our own. While we use the JIVES we'll continue to do my approach, as I don't think the Cpt will allow us to leave someone aside. Do you all agree?"
"I have no objections. I think it would complement your idea well, to have one of us observe the training from the monitors." I smile towards Yoroi, nodding in approval as she giggles.
The other two also nod, to which Sakaki smiles.
"Well, we'll go with Yoroi's idea then. Any other suggestions?"
"I have one." Ayamine rose a hand halfheartedly. "We've been comparing ourselves with Suzumiya and the rest so far, right? How about we request a fight with Special-kun?"
"Against Takeru-san?!" Tamase's eyes widened as a full moon. "Awawa… I don't think we could win."
"It's not about winning or losing, it's about getting better and…" Ayamine stopped and looked to the ceiling as she grasped her chin. "…trying to see his limit."
"…I do agree." Sakaki said, arms crossed. "I do want to see how he has progressed in this time. He completely bested us in the sims again, to boot."
"Well, Takeru was assigned as a test pilot. So, I believe it is obvious he has been improving much." I know he won't stop improving, even if he might be pushing himself by helping Kagami.
"…Good for him, I guess." Ayamine said, resting an elbow on the table and her chin on her palm.
"So, do we ask for permission to fight him tomorrow morning?" Sakaki asked as she went for her glass.
"No objections here." I said as I nodded.
Ayamine made an okay with her hand, Yoroi nodded with a smile. Tamase brought a finger to her lips, doubting for a moment, before nodding.
"Alright, let's discuss this tomorrow then. Do any of you have any plans made?" Sakaki asked, we all shook our heads. "Well, let's see if we can arrange the run for the afternoon then."
"Awawa… I hope this goes well…"
"Fret not, Tamase. We have not been laying on our laurels. This is a prime chance to surprise Takeru with our gains."
"But who will he fight with?" Yoroi asked while she grabbed her glass to drink.
"Someone from the Gleipnir, I assume?" Shion and Mion seem like good candidates for that, and I can talk to them beforehand to arrange it.
In this way, we can spend some time with Takeru by using this training as an excuse.
And I can face off against him once more. He's still far ahead in our lessons, and I am sure he isn't indulging in sloth. That being said, those two did say he was pained… Perhaps, we should talk this out with him beforehand, to not overburden him. We will have time to train with him, so waiting for a day won't make a difference.
"I suggest we speak of this with him, in case he already has some plans for tomorrow. I wouldn't want to bother him if he simply wishes to rest for the day, either."
"Ah, that's right." Yoroi nods. "Well, if I see him early I'll ask him. I'm gonna hit the library now, do any of you wanna come?"
"Oh, I was going there too." Tamase then finished what little was in her plate.
"I'll pass." Sakaki said, waving a hand slowly. "I need a good night's rest today."
"Same here." Ayamine nodded.
"Meiya-san, would you like to come with us?"
My throat constricted for but a moment, a small shiver ran down my spine and I barely managed to restrain a frown from raising to my face.
…I know it is futile to complain, but it is truly uncomfortable to hear you being formal all of a sudden. Why won't you treat me normally? Sigh…
"No, I'm going for my usual run and then I'll sleep early as well."
"Oh, I see. Well, see you guys tomorrow then!" Yoroi smiled at us as she grabbed her tray and got up.
Tamase also said her good nights to us as she followed behind. Sakaki covered her mouth, hiding the yawn that she allowed to escape. After rubbing her eyes, she also stood up and, followed by Ayamine, also went to return her tray. I gave a nod to them as they left, choosing to take my time to finish my meal.
Savoring the food on my tongue, slowly breathing in, I ponder what Mion and Shion told me, what my trainings are producing, and what comes tomorrow. Finally, a chance to spar against him once more. With all that has been going on as of late, I haven't had a chance to let it all sink in.
I am now part of humanity's vanguard, a task force made to protect the plan that will both lead us to victory against the BETA and give my nation much recognition. I couldn't have possibly asked for more. Well, the only thing I am not pleased with is that Takeru isn't with us, but that's besides the point.
I did not receive any new orders from Sister, not even when she came to the base. I wonder what she thinks of this arrangement? Will I be able to leave to fulfill my duty as her bodyguard in two years now that I'm part of the Valkyries? What if she assigned me as a representative of the Empire for Alt. IV?
We weren't told much of the plan, we only know that we serve directly under the XO and that we are to both protect the plan and serve as it's sword out in the battlefield, even if most of our missions will remain classified. In a way, it is the perfect test to see whether I am up to the task of protecting Sister and my people as her shadow.
I am elated to be given this chance, to fight for both the Empire and my people, to show humanity our worth. I suppose it also explains the UN's defensive stance on the war so far. With such an important project in our nation, they couldn't risk their defense lines to be breached. Then, all the more reason for me to improve fast, so that I can aid them from my position to not have them fall back as they did on those years.
I drink some juice to clean my palate, then grab a tissue and wipe my lips. Letting a small amount of air out, it feels as if a shower had washed away what weighted down on my shoulders. It is good to see we can now discuss openly without reaching a dead point. I had feared Sakaki and Ayamine would begin arguing, but it is reliving to see that is a problem of the past, even if they still bicker from time to time.
I do have to give Sakaki her due credit, I never would have thought of such a training. In any case, I hope we can spend some time with Takeru tomorrow.
…Hm?
"Oh, right… Tomorrow is the 16th, isn't it?"
I look down, my lips becoming but a small, contracted circle. How many years has it been since the last time my birthday was something to celebrate for me? Ever since Grandpa fell ill…
No, do not fall into this hole yet again. I am blessed to be free now, to no longer be caged. Those days… will not return. I should be focusing on how to aid my fellows, I am no longer a little girl. I need no presents, I am content as it is.
"Oh, I didn't think you would be here."
"Hm? Oh, 1st Lt. Takamura. Good evening." I salute her and she returns the gesture as she sits down in front of me, leaving her tray onto the table. "Were the members of the Gleipnir in a meeting until now?"
"No, nothing of the sort. It's just that, since we're testing prototypes, we need to file longer reports."
"I see…" Our reports are rather short, and they are filed by 1st Lt. Suzumiya once we deliver them to her to boot. "If I may, how have you all been faring?"
"We've been getting along well. There is some… friction between us, but I am sure it will be quelled in due time." She nods to herself, bringing her spoon to her mouth.
"…Could it be that Mion and Shion aren't fitting in?"
"Well… That is only half the problem."
I wonder what's going on. I doubt the Inst… Major would simply let them be, but I cannot see why they would oppose anyone if…
…Takeru.
"1st. Lieutenant, if it isn't much bother, could you tell me how Takeru has been faring as of late?"
"Shirogane? Oh, he and Yashiro have been excelling in their first runs." She nods a few times, smiling clearly as a good summer day, warmth bringing forth blossoming flowers to life.
However, that does bring a doubt to me.
"…And Yashiro? Why do you mention her?"
"Didn't you know? They pilot together from time to time."
"Together?"
"Indeed. I heard they are partners of sorts."
"W-What?! Is this true?"
"Hm? Yes, it is. It seems Shirogane is like a mentor to her, since she wishes to imitate his piloting skills." Takamura took a pause to drink, I couldn't shut my mouth as the surprise ingrained itself into me. "I know it is surprising, to think of Yashiro piloting as he does, but they synchronize very well with each other."
"I see… So, they have already piloted together?"
"Yes, I believe the footage is restricted due to it being placed under the XFJ Project, but as a member of the Valkyries you should have access to it, I think. I highly recommend you to give it a watch."
"Thanks for the suggestion, 1st Lieutenant."
"No, it is no trouble." She smiled at me, then returned to her food.
…Yashiro and Takeru… piloting together… being partners…
I fold my arms, I feel my teeth pressuring my lips from within. I take a sharp breath as I cross one leg over the other.
Mmgh… I am not upset. I am… merely at a loss of words regarding this development. I did not know we had TSFs with two seats, however. I wonder how it is… to pilot with someone else.
A small jolt went down my back, that distorted image returned to my mind. I began to feel my heartbeat as the voices returned to my mind. Uuh… First the dream of the mansion, then the daydream in the sim pod… How could I have turned into this? Such shameful behavior on my part. In any case, there is no way he and I would be so reckless as to enter a single-seat cockpit together. And even if we did… he wouldn't…
"I mean, I entrusted my life to you. So you don't worry about me."
So his life is mine… He's mine…
Aaaah! What am I thinking?! Takeru wouldn't… say something of the sort, nor he would p-pet my head and… and I wouldn't ask him to… t-to…
"Mitsurugi?"
"Y-Yes?!"
"Huh? Did I startle you?" Takamura asked, slightly tilting her head.
"No, I was… deeply lost in thought. Did you need anything?"
"I was merely wishing to ask how are you all doing. Since I don't accompany you in your evening trainings anymore, I simply want to know how you're progressing." She smiled softly, caressing her hair.
"I see… Well, while we are at an impasse as of now, I believe we are making decent progress."
I spend a moment indulging Takamura's questions, accompanying her on her dinner as I finished mine, while receiving her advice for my squadmates.
"…I do think that you should focus on giving Tamase an idea on how important she has been for all of you."
"Yes, I agree. She does need to gain confidence after all."
"So, besides your squadmates, have your trainings been fruitful so far?" She asked, again looking my way.
…It feels just like back then. While she is trying to not be so obvious in her respect due to her rank, it feels like all those caretakers that were assigned to me back in Sendai. I know Amato meant well, and he was right in that I needed trustworthy people looking over me, yet I would have preferred to remain with Tsukuyomi.
I know it was due to my standing as a political piece, but what wouldn't I have given to be allowed to fight back then. I am sure Takamura also was made to fight despite being younger than me, and yet there I was. And now, she is also speaking with that same respect, just like Tsukuyomi was when we met again. Like everyone else, except Takeru. And Yashiro, even if she dislikes me for some reason.
"I have been faring well. Perhaps not to a degree I would be pleased with, but I cannot complain."
"I see. If you ever need advice, I am always ready to listen. Even Shirogane consults with me and the Major after his runs, so don't hesitate to speak with either of us." She again smiled, giving me a small nod.
I returned the smile and thanked her, she does seem to be far more relaxed than Tsukuyomi is, perhaps because she isn't completely aware of who I am. I suppose I… No, all of us could still ask the Major for advice. We are still part of the same force, even if we're on different squads and we might not meet in the PX as often as before.
Simply following the training courses blindly will do us no good, indeed. We should try to compare ourselves to the Gleipnir too, and ask the Major for advice while we do so.
…Even so, perhaps asking Takamura as well wouldn't hurt. Now that I think about it… she also comes from Yukon, doesn't she?
"…1st. Lt., you were stationed in Yukon before returning to the Empire, wouldn't you?"
"Eh? Ah… Yes, I was." Her expression sobered up, her shoulders slowly lowered. "Did you wish to ask anything about my time there?"
"…Could you tell me… how the Incident played out from your eyes?" Takeru already told me, but I wonder how she saw it as a pilot.
The sudden appearance of the BETA, having to fight against other humans, then seeing the broadcast where the Americans' foul plan was revealed and moments later executed… And yet, she's still here. Standing proud and working for the Empire from her humble position. Now that I am commissioned, I can finally ask her that question.
"Of course, if it is painful you do not need to indulge me." I added, as I do not wish my appearance to force her hand.
"…It's alright. I suppose it could be useful, somehow, to your growth. We should speak of it somewhere else, however. Would you like to hear it now; or perhaps, tomorrow?"
"If I am not imposing, I would like to hear it today."
"Well, let me finish my dinner and we'll be on our way."
"No, please do not rush. It is fine." She seemed to wish to object, but merely nodded to my words. Sigh… "If I may ask, you weren't injured during the fight, were you?"
"Oh, no. I was lucky, one could say." Her eyes curve, her tone dulls and slows down.
I see… Perhaps, she was sent to her TSF immediately while Takeru had to fight head on with the terrorists? No, I am sure he was also lucky to only suffer those scars. If he had been hit on the head or shot at, he could have been killed. Truly, I am blessed to have been given the chance to meet him.
Takamura finished her dinner rather quickly, despite me insisting that she could take her time while we could discuss other matters, and then we went to the track field. Nobody is here at this hour, so there is no risk of anyone eavesdropping in our conversation.
Takamura walks over the lines of the track, looking up. I can hear her taking a breath, I do so as well while looking at the stars and the moon. That being said…
"It truly is getting colder." I rub my arms over. I let the air go and, for now, I cannot see my breath. I know it is a matter of days however.
"Indeed. In Yukon it was somewhere around this temperature all the time. I did miss my Royal Guard uniform back then…" She said, placing her hands on her waist as her tone seemed wistful.
"Is it protective against the cold?"
"Oh, yes. Since it's made of a fine material, I barely felt cold during winter. It is slightly uncomfortable to wear during summer, but I vastly prefer it to the UN's dress."
"I see… So, 1st Lieutenant, I know it is a confidential matter, however-"
"Worry not, I won't divulge anything you shouldn't know." She looked back and smiled at me. "So, what in particular would you like to hear?"
"Where to begin? Oh, I suppose you could start with how the whole attack started. It must have been hard repelling the terrorists if they used both guns and blunt weapons."
"Blunt weapons?" Takamura arches one of her brows. "Who told you of that?"
"Hm? Takeru told me about his participation in the Incident once."
"Huh? But… The terrorists in Yukon only used machineguns."
"…Eh? That can't be. Takeru told me of that himself, of how he had to fight back during the Incident."
"However, that cannot be true." Takamura said, her voice firm and clear as tonight's sky, her eyes looking straight at me. "I was also in the ground when the attack began and they didn't resort to blunt weaponry. That wasn't even mentioned in the briefing, they all stole weapons from a nearby outpost and brought them to Yukon by abusing their jobs in a delivery company."
"Is that so? Was Takeru trying to cover the truth, in case I ever mentioned anything?"
"Sigh… It was foolish to divulge such a thing, to be honest." She caressed her hair, her face still stern and tense. "Might I ask why you inquired about the matter with him?"
"Well, I once saw his scars, so I grew curious as the rest of us did. Takeru told me he got hit by metal bats and other objects while he tried to protect the people. That's why his back is full of scars, and, well, there's another large one in his chest." My mouth feels filthy, divulging these matters without consulting him. However, I am sure he'll understand. Takamura was also in Yukon like him.
"…What?" Takamura opened her eyes widely, lost like a deer in the headlights. "That's… That's not possible."
"Huh? I am not lying, 1st Lieutenant. I saw said scars myself."
"No, however, as I said before, no blunt objects were used by the terrorists. If Shirogane was attacked, he would have been shot at."
"…Then, how do you explain his scars?" I fold my arms, raising a brow at her.
"I do not know about that, but blunt objects were not used by the terrorists. So, those scars are not from the Yukon Incident at the least."
…Then, how did he got them? Why was he forced to lie?
…Mion and Shion told me he was pained. There's so much that we don't know about him. And now this… whatever this is, they're forcing him to not reveal the source of those scars. However, he didn't seem to be lying back at the CCSE, that night after those soldiers chased us.
"1st Lt., is it truly impossible that Takeru could have sustained such scars in the Incident?"
"Yes, I am certain of this. I don't know if we should pry into his life, but I can confirm no blunt weapons were used that day." She also isn't lying. "The only thing I can think of is…" She grasps her chin, closes her eyes and hums softly.
The only way to gain injuries to leave such scars… The BETA would have killed him, I haven't been inside a tank but I doubt they sway like a TSF does, so he couldn't have…. A moment, a TSF?
I gulp, my brows tensing downwards. Was he… made to pilot? Perhaps, without a suit?
"Well, I believe we shouldn't pursue this matter." Takamura said, sending a hand to her hair. "Whatever reason he had for covering it up, we shouldn't pry into it."
"However, it is odd. Why would he lie regarding them? Even more, linking them to the attack…" Why is my chest hurting? Because he lied to me? Of course, but that's not all.
Why was he hurt in such a way? Why did he… Well, I was horrible with him back then. Perhaps, I wasn't worth his trust at the time. Yet, this is strange. What is the need to hide the origin of such scars?
"I agree it is odd, but I am sure he must have his reasons. Surely you have had a talk with him regarding his experiences. It is clear Shirogane is burdened by what lies in his past." She says as she looks down, holding one of her elbows.
"…Well, that is true."
"Let's not dredge up this matter. It would only make him hurt more. Well, in any case, would you like to hear of my experiences during that day?"
"Oh, yes. Please do, 1st Lieutenant."
"Ahem… Takamura will suffice, Mitsurugi."
"Truly?"
"Yes, please do not be so stiff. Well then, I'll try to avoid the confidential details as I go, would that be alright?"
"Of course. Thanks again for indulging me." I give her a small bow, she waves and says I shouldn't worry.
For now, I'll let this rest. However, I believe you owe me an explanation Takeru. From where do those scars come from? Why do you wish to hide them?
I suppose I should tell Shion and Mion about them. For all I know, they might be a clue to his past. That's right… Perhaps Takeru doesn't even know from where they come from, considering he woke up without any memories.
Then, with all the more reason, I should ask them… or perhaps Tsukuyomi to look into this. In that way, I could help him to finally lift one of the mysteries that are veiling his past. I am sure it will be a burden off his shoulders.
And in any case, I wish to tell him that he… can confide in me. Whatever it is that's hurting him, I wish to help Takeru overcome it. But, small steps. For now, I'll focus on learning all I can from Takamura's experiences.
Same Day. 09:47 PM.
(Yuuko's Office.)
[Yuuko]
"Shirogane… Shirogane, can you hear me?"
"Uugh… Yeah…"
"Are you fully conscious?"
"…Yeah, just feel… exhausted." He brings an arm to his face, covering his eyes as he sighs heavily.
His breathing is steady, his face doesn't seem pale… He still fainted, however. Laying on the sofa, he groaned a bit. I placed my hand on his shoulder when he tried to get up.
"Stay quiet, you're awfully weak now."
"…I don't wanna lie down." He slowly, as slowly as an old machine doing compile, rose and sat down.
I resist the instinct to bite my lips. He isn't as beaten up as before. But he got out of the machine in tears, clutching his heart as if he were having a cardiac arrest. There were no screams. So, I can only infer that whatever it is he saw, whatever it is this world's him went through, was too shocking for him.
I sent Yashiro to get some food for him, and I think I'll have him sleep here under her watch tonight. She also was saddened when she couldn't reach him again, so I doubt I could refuse her wish to stay by his side. Luckily, the 00 Unit is being purified right now. But, this is all I needed to know. I am sure that he's focused enough on this world, and I don't want to push him anymore if I can help it. I can anchor him here if he gives me the okay, now I have to attain it.
"…Did you see enough with this session?"
"…It's a lie."
"Huh?" He barely got the words out. Yet, his fists were shaking and his tone was… hateful, like the day I accused him of being a spy and he snapped.
"…It has to be a lie."
"Shirogane, what are you talking about?" He's looking down, hunched over. "Shirogane, talk to me. What did you see? What happened during-"
"I has to be a lie…"
I had crouched by his side, and so I could see his frown. Yet, his eyes were watering as well. I slowly place my hand on his shoulder again, shaking it softly.
"Shirogane? What it is?"
"…Sigh." He brings a hand to his forehead, rubbing it slowly. "Yuuko… Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"And you'll tell me the truth?"
"What now? I think I did say I was going to be as honest as I could."
"Then… Why did you abandon Yokohama?"
…
"…What did you see?"
"…Answer me. Why… Why did you…" His frown tightens, Shirogane starts grinding his teeth against each other.
"Calm down, and tell me what you saw." He looks into my eyes, I again wear my poker face upon the face of someone who, if not for how tired I know he is, seems to be about to assault me.
"…In the… vision, I heard that you used Shura's Dance as a shield. To run away from Hakuryo Base. Why didn't you send the STF to help?"
"…You already knew this base was built atop a hive, didn't you? Why are you getting all riled up about this now?" Is he getting negative emotions from the other him? I thought you were better than this.
"…Then that did happen, right?" He insists, still scowling. I lick over my lips, fold my arms and look away.
"Yes, it's true. I had to run away. So, what is it now? You already knew that… Shirogane?" He… started crying. Did he see Kagami in his vision or something? Maybe hearing of his destroyed town is affecting him more than I thought.
His breathing still erratic, I hand him over a small bag. It looks like he could start hyperventilating at any second. After a while, it looks like he calmed down.
That was my first true defeat. Just remembering it is making me wish to slice my stomach open and use a fan to splatter my insides. I bite my lips, suddenly feeling petrified on the spot as I recalled what had to be done.
I slowly exhale. I run a hand over my hair slowly. I go to my table and drink some more coffee.
I won't have to make any such sacrifices. Never again. I won't run away like that. Never again. I won't hesitate to do what I have to win. Never again. I won't allow anyone to boss me around or talk shit about my research. Never again.
And I won't let all those lives go to waste, I won't let all that which has no replacement for me to go down the drain.
I slam the cup with unnecessary force onto the table, I can't wipe the frown from my face. Even if I just drank coffee, the taste of sour defeat is still in my mouth. I want to vomit it all over again.
It was a risky bet, but I was right. And I… have to reach success, to prove I was right indeed. That's all there is to it.
I did the right thing. That's why I could make the 00 Unit. It took me a second more than I would have liked, but I could stop my trembling hand.
…What do I do now? If Shirogane grew resentful towards me, I shouldn't keep him near the 00 Unit. Yet, it's either letting him tune it or send him to another world. If I do the latter, he's going to truly despise me.
…While I certainly do not care about how he sees me, I cannot allow the 00 Unit to be affected by his anger. It's the only reason why I'm being patient and kind to Shirogane.
My lips are still pursed, and I cannot let the sigh I want to release from me do so. I… can't turn around. Shirogane is still softly crying. With every wail, it feels as if my lungs were being crushed from within. …It's because of the plan, because this didn't went as expected.
"Shirogane… Certainly you don't plan to stay crying all night long?"
…He didn't even retort, didn't even lift his head. Goddammit… What can I do now? If Yashiro can't undo this… How do I help him get back on his feet on his own?
"…I'm sorry."
"…What?" Did he… apologize?
"I'm sorry. I never… thought about how you must have felt during that time. Sorry for always giving you so much shit, Yuuko."
"…I don't remember asking for your pity."
"It's not pity. I just… Sigh…" He ruffles his hair, lifting himself and leaning his back onto the sofa as he closed his eyes. "I just never thought, never cared about what you went through. I always just push stuff onto you, last loop I treated you like shit all the time… I even considered harming you at one point, when you offered me a gun."
"…Excuse me, I did what?"
He tells me of how I taunted him to shoot me after he saw the 00 Unit, and of how he didn't do it to not victimize himself.
…And of how he refused after everything was already over.
"…I never even thought of all you had to go through, despite knowing this place was once a hive. Sorry."
"…I didn't ask for you to apologize… but your gratitude is welcome. So, lift that face and tell me of what you saw."
"…It was supposed to be nighttime."
"Huh?" He again barely left the words out. "What are you talking about now?"
"It was supposed to be in the night… but it was in the middle of the day." He grabs his head with one hand, squinting his eyes in clear distress.
"What is? Talk clearly, I can't understand what you're saying!" And I can't do anything until you tell me what's wrong with you! How do I know whether to give you more medicine or not if you keep hesitating?
I rather not force him, I don't want to lose his trust again. But if he can't overcome this on his own… I lick over my lips again, running a hand over my hair as I continue to stare at him. Shirogane hesitates for a moment, then sighs and returns my gaze.
"…Yuuko, there… there isn't another TSF in the Royal Guard besides the Zuikaku and the Takemikazuchi in this world, right?"
"Huh? What's this now?"
"I… I just… there's so much stuff I don't get and-"
"Okay, calm down." I again pat his shoulder. Seems like forcing him isn't the right thing to do. Sigh… "Take a deep breath and calm down Shirogane, and tell me all you saw as you can. I can't help you if you don't speak with me, got it?"
"Sigh… I know. So… He was deployed to fight while the sun was still up…"
He proceeds to tell me of what little he remembers, stuttering and letting some tears out as he did.
"…So, you're telling me the Royal Guards were fractured?" I didn't think his counterpart would be involved in said skirmishes, being just a sixteen years old kid.
"Yeah… There were those who wanted to… abandon those who couldn't fight and those who still tried to protect them. He was with someone called Masahide, and they tried to protect the cities. But… Everything gets blurry after a certain point."
"After what?"
"After they come back from the battle for the first time, to regroup with the rest of the Guard. After I… He was… He had to…" He begins to cry again. Considering the reports, I can somehow understand what just happened in his vision.
"I think I know what you saw then, no need to say it." He whispers a 'thank you' that did me more harm than good. I inhale through my nose, folding my arms. "So, is that what got you this pained?"
"No, it's not just that… Maya-san was against them."
"Maya-san? Are you talking about the retainer of the Shogun?" He nods as he frowns again.
"She and the pickles were on the side of those who wanted to solely protect the facilities of the Guard, using the IJA as meat shields. They… didn't look human anymore." He hits the sofa softly, and slowly his hits grow in strength. "I don't want to have anything to do with them."
"So, I suppose you don't want to remember anything else?" I grasped my chin as I observed his reaction.
And despite the shaking of his fists, despite the fact that he couldn't hold my gaze as always, he shook his head.
"…I do. I want to see his memories."
"Huh? But you just-"
"Look Yuuko, there's… something that doesn't add up. It should have been nighttime, but it was the middle of the day, and there's also that TSF."
"What are you even talking about now? I told you to be clear, otherwise I'll have to medicate you to get the answers out." And I would rather not have to do that, even if it would be easier.
"I know! It's just…" His mouth moves but he can't produce sound, then he sighs.
He tells me then, in between sobs, that this Masahide person spoke of using another TSF. Since it seems this world's Shirogane's Zuikaku was out of order, his Captain was willing to have him pilot another TSF, that wasn't neither a Zuikaku or a Takemikazuchi. The name he gave me doesn't ring a bell.
But the important part is that, according to him, some of the memories are distorted. He is, for some reason, convinced some things had to happen during the night even if it looked to be the afternoon in what he saw a moment ago.
I feel as exhausted as when my coffee boost disappears and I have to slug my way back to the machine for more, only to come back to the PC and find out an error just occurred and I have to start over. It's as if brick after brick were being placed on my back.
He then, again frowning, told me of how 'utterly violent' the pickles and older Tsukuyomi were towards the civilians they had rescued. Shirogane said the pieces were not clear then, but that he felt terribly hurt from what he saw and heard, and not because of any connection between his and the other Shirogane's emotions, but because they were acting as coldhearted strategists.
"…I know human lives are part of the equations of war, but to treat them so coldly… to dismiss them so easily 'for the greater good'… If that's how they were it's not surprising he grew to despise them."
"…Then, why do you want to see more memories? I am completely against it. It won't do you any good."
"…There's something that we need to know."
"And what is that?"
He looks down, biting his lips. He sighs and when he looks up, his usual eyes, still serious but no longer pained, returned my gaze.
"…The reason why Yuuhi abandoned him in Yokohama."
"…The Shogun abandoned him?"
"Yeah. I… The pain was too much and I couldn't focus very well, but I heard that Masahide-san wanted to help him calm down, saying that everything was going to be fine. This world's Takeru stayed in Hakuryo Base to defend Yokohama until the end, but the rest had left him behind." He sniffs, then yawns. "So… Considering how much Sumika hates the Guard, I think they maybe met at some point before the fall and… that's what she might be seeing when she goes berserk. It might explain why she hates the Guard and why she's convinced he was forced to fight, and knowing that would certainly help in treating her better from now on. If I prove to her that, well, I am fine and fighting for her, perhaps that will ease her pain."
"I see… I suppose we could have Yashiro take care of this, but no more getting inside the machine. Also, I'll have you medicated and with another headband until I see you well enough without them."
"Thanks, Yuuko. Really…" He smiles as he wipes the last tears from his eyes.
"…You don't have to thank me, I am only doing what's in my best interests." Even if having you healthy is in my best interest as well.
I won't let some far away memory bring him down. If he's holding himself in check now, I'll have to take this seriously. It bring a problem to the table, however.
Shirogane is now, going by his words, disgusted towards the Guard. While he doesn't seem to be the type to hold a grudge, I think that it's safe to assume he won't want to ever go back to Her Purpleness. Me giving him another headband might also rub those young Guards off as well.
There is something I can use, however. All I need to do is make the Shogunate indebted to the UN, and if by doing so I can also generate a better board for Alt. IV… I was doubting on it, but I can't leave the pieces moving on their own. I think it'll be better to begin the preparations, in case I ever need it.
"So, can I ask you one last thing for now?" He had reclined onto the sofa, eyes closed.
"What is it?"
"…When exactly did the old Hakuryo Base fell?"
"Huh? Why do you ask that all of a sudden?"
"Come on, Yuuko. Can you tell me?"
"Sigh… Fine. The Defense of Hakuryo Base happened in a single day, since our defenses were already exhausted, and I ordered the UN to fall back… since I thought the BETA were planning to make another hive."
"You don't have to tell me why, I know you must had to deal with a lot of tough stuff back then." I know, but it's good to see you don't resent me. You're still on my side.
"Oh, I was just indulging you, that's all. So, to answer your question, the Fall of Yokohama happened on July 7th."
"Eh?!"
"W-What is it?" He's visibly shaking, eyes wide open as a hand goes to his head. "Shirogane, what is it now?"
"There's… no mistake? Yokohama fell on July 7th?" He asks quickly, his tone regaining some force. Despite the fact that his eyes look shaken to the core.
"Yes. What it is with that date?"
"Well… July 7th is actually… Sumika's birthday."
A/N: Flashbacks and worldbuilding will now be done in the Muv-Luv D & R fic. As said before, it's left in the reader's hands whether to check it or not.
Updates won't have an schedule between both fics. I'll just post what I get done. That's all. Thanks for your time.
Zuoriel