18+
LX
Jasper doesn't want to go to first period, so I don't either, leaning back on my hands in the bleachers as he puts his head in my lap.
He's doing better after his quickie with Alice. I'd gotten out that car the second we arrived, knowing what was going to happen.
While they desecrated the backseat, I'd stood with Emmett and Rose and watched Edward stroll up through the front gates, his hands in the pockets of the grey hoodie Jasper gave him.
All eyes had gone to him.
Why is he walking?
Did they repossess his car?
Where has he been?
What happened to his face?
I was happy to see some of the football team wander up to him, and Jackson had scooped him up off his feet, waving his hands around and laughing at something.
Edward had smiled back, his cheeks flushing a little and I'd had to force the stupid smile off my face.
He'd needed that, that show of support, however little.
Especially because of the way she was looking at him, a crowd surrounding her, all laughing and looking at Edward like he got the date wrong for Halloween and was the only one dressed up, everyone cringing in second hand embarrassment.
I hate it. Hate the way they think it matters. That his dad's failures are somehow his, that his financial status has any fucking bearing on anything.
My fingers twitch on the ground. I feel restless and high and I'm fucking dreading going to class for the rest of the day. Jasper can't skip every period, even though I know he wants to, and he won't miss his classes with Alice.
I stare down at him. His eyes are closed but he's not sleeping, he's breathing too fast for that.
The shadows around his eyes are deep and dark. He probably didn't sleep last night.
I sigh, a pang resounding in my chest.
I'm irritated Alice didn't tell me he was going to spiral, we all know the signs.
First it's mania, more talking than usual, random bursts of happiness, then extreme tiredness, and finally depression and insomnia.
Last time it happened he came to school so drunk he almost got expelled.
Jasper has no off switch with alcohol. He drinks and drinks.
It's why he doesn't drink.
Sometimes he stays like this for a week, other times it's only days. It's been three months or so since the last one so I have no idea if this one will be worse or better.
There's no point asking what's wrong. His moods are never incidence related. He just gets this way.
We made him go to therapy for a while but it didn't help, and they said he didn't have anything wrong with him.
The air just weighs heavier for some people, and for Jasper and I, some days it's so heavy it crushes you.
I shift my weight forwards and run my hand through Jasper's soft blonde hair, the other resting on his chest.
I tighten my hand in his hair a little until his eyes open, and I'm staring into seas of stormy blue.
'Why didn't you come?' I ask softly.
Lightning flickers and his fingers stroke the inside of my wrist, tracing the word sorry.
'Never again, okay? No matter what's going on with me, you know you have to come.'
Jasper's eyes soften a little and he nods.
'Or I will fuck you up.' I tease, relaxing my hand in his hair and rubbing his scalp softly.
His lips curve up a little and I tap his chest, narrowing my eyes slightly at him.
I get a flicker of a smile this time.
Open. His fingers trace. Up.
I huff slightly and his eyes close again.
My fingers play with his hair as I muse.
I want to ask him what he said to Edward this morning, what Edward said to him, but I know better.
He'll tell me if he wants me to know.
I understand that.
Understand how Jasper works.
Edward is different.
I think he wants me to ask things.
But how do I know what to ask?
And what if I don't like the answers...