WARNING: Sad smut :'(

Aubrey held on to Levi for dear life as they stood in the silence and darkness of their room. They'd just gotten back from the pond, and the lock had clicked into place just a few seconds ago. But even just the short time it had taken for the door to close had seemed like too long. Just the one second that Levi had needed to turn away to lock it had felt like an eternity and as soon as he'd finished, Aubrey had been back in his arms.

He'd carried her back from the pond. Not because she needed help walking, but because he couldn't stand to have her anywhere but on his body. She hadn't protested, so he'd assumed she felt the same.

Now they were back in their room, but she was still crying, silent tears falling down her face. Levi wasn't sure if they were tears of happiness or sadness. Probably both.

He just held her as her fingers desperately tightened in his hair and her body pressed into him. He never wanted her to let go.

But she would.

At some point, she would let go… and then she would leave.

Levi felt a rush of agony go through him and the only thing he could do was hold her tighter.

"Aubrey..."

Aubrey could hear the pain in his voice and it caused even more tears to spill from her eyes. She didn't know how to help, how to make it better. It all just hurt too much.

She kept her fingers in Levi's hair but gently pulled away from his chest just enough to look up at him. She could see that he had his own tears threatening to fall and the sight only made her more desperate to help him somehow. But nothing seemed like it would be enough. This pain was too deep, too intense. Aubrey knew that there wasn't anything that would make it go away.

But if they couldn't make it go away… then she wanted him to know just how much she would miss him, just how much she loved him, just how much she needed him. And they'd already used up all the words they had for the day. She'd already told him with her voice how much she loved him, and he'd even managed to get out a proposal. They'd done enough talking. Now it was time for showing. They were better at that, anyway.

Aubrey didn't hesitate even for a second. Her lips found his and immediately she brought her hands to his face and then pulled his lips to hers.

Levi knew what she was asking for and he didn't even have to think for a second to know that he was going to give her whatever she wanted.

He was grateful for the opportunity she was giving him. He'd managed to get out the words he'd needed to in order to get the ring on her finger, but… he knew that he could still show her so much more.

Levi kept their kisses gentle, slow, but still intense as his hands wrapped around the back of her neck. Tonight was about… saying goodbye. And he didn't think that either of them wanted something too heated. They both just wanted to be close, as close as possible.

Levi kissed her for a moment longer, locking his tongue with hers as they continued to grip at each other. But he didn't want to keep her waiting too long. He was going to take things slow, but wasn't going to torture her.

Levi's hand found the buttons on her coat and he undid them one by one until he could slide the thing off her shoulders. By the time it had hit the ground, he had already found the hem of her shirt and sweater, pulling them up smoothly until Aubrey lifted her arms and the clothing slid over her head. He paused for a moment to look into her eyes, admiring the way they were shining in the glimmers of moonlight coming in through the window. The sight left him breathless.

His fingers raised to her face, tracing her features as he committed each of them to memory. He brushed over her cheekbones, her jawline, the bridge of her nose, her brow bone, and, finally, his thumb skimmed over her lips. They parted at his touch and Levi wrapped his hand around her chin as he kissed her again.

After a few seconds, Levi pulled away for air and took the opportunity to whisper to her.

"I love you."

Their lips met again and Aubrey kissed him harder. The both of them kicked off their boots as they held each other.

Levi could feel her hands pressing into his cheeks, but there was a new sensation besides the usual warmth. It was a cool, chilled touch against his skin and he realized that it was the metal of her ring. The thought sent a shiver down his spine and he suddenly had the urge to move her to the bed. So he did.

Levi broke away from their kiss and then gently lifted Aubrey into his arms, carrying her across the room and lying her down on the mattress before crawling over her. He stopped to stare at her again but this time she didn't look back at him. Instead, her eyes were on his chest as she ran her hands over his shoulders, pushing his coat away and then moving down his sides to tug on his shirt and sweater. Levi helped her get it off without saying a word and then returned to gazing at her.

This time, Aubrey met his gaze and she took in every aspect of his expression. His eyes held a longing so strong that it almost made her gasp. It was so intense, so sad… and yet it was so loving.

"Levi…"

Aubrey reached for him and he instantly leaned down to meet her lips. He stayed there for a moment and then moved to her neck, speaking between kisses.

"Please… come back… to me."

Aubrey's heart broke in two. For a second, the pain was so great that she couldn't even move and it gave Levi the opportunity to keep speaking.

"I… love you… so much… please… come back… to me."

Aubrey's ability to move suddenly returned and she reached for his face, bringing him back into her line of sight.

Her eyes were wide and she stared at him with such force that Levi took in a sharp breath.

"Always, Levi. Never doubt, not even for a second, that I'll come back to you. I will always come back to you."

Aubrey's voice was strong, so sure, that Levi's pain was replaced, just for an instant, with shock. He was convinced it was the first time she'd ever looked at him so… sternly, almost like she was offended by his words. A wave of guilt washed over him. He'd never meant to make her think he doubted her. He'd just wanted her to know how badly he needed her, how badly he needed her to come back.

Levi nodded and Aubrey's harsh expression melted into one of gentle sadness as she stroked his cheekbones.

"Always, Levi. Always."

Her voice was barely above a whisper and Levi felt another surge of anguish. But he pushed it aside so that he could answer her. He had something important to say.

He pressed his forehead to hers and spoke.

"I know, I know that." There was a pause and then Levi's demeanor shifted as he continued. "Thank you, Aubrey."

Aubrey continued to look at him, her brows furrowed, even as his face was so close.

"For what?"

From his tone, Aubrey could tell that he meant something deeper than her just promising to return to him.

Levi took a deep breath and Aubrey felt his exhale against her skin.

"For loving me."

Aubrey squeezed her eyes shut as another tear escaped. She only had one response.

"Always."

Levi's face twisted in torment and he kissed her again, the touch light and airy. But Aubrey pulled him closer, deepening their movements, and soon Levi felt her guiding his hand behind her back until his fingers hit the hooks of her bra.

He gave her exactly what she wanted and in a matter of seconds, he had the garment sliding off her arms and falling to the floor. His head dipped to her chest and Aubrey's gasps filled the air as he trailed over her skin, licking, sucking, grazing. He just kept going, revelling in the fact that he could give her such pleasure. It had always been a way for them to communicate, especially when he wasn't all that inclined towards words.

Levi stayed at her chest until he felt Aubrey's legs tighten around his knee. She was ready to move on.

He didn't hesitate to trail his lips down her stomach as his hands went to her waistband, nimbly undoing the buttons of her pants and sliding them away and off of her body. He kissed up her thighs as he reached for her underwear and then his fingers went beneath the fabric. The cloth was gone in a second.

Levi moved back, his hands finding her knees and spreading her legs apart his mouth lowered.

But then she stopped him.

Levi felt Aubrey's hand curl around his chin and suddenly, she was forcing him to look her in the eyes.

"Just you tonight, Levi. I want to see your face."

Levi's eyes widened but Aubrey just tugged on his chin and soon,he followed her request, moving forward again and hovering over her.

She continued to stare into his eyes as her hands ran over his chest, down his abdomen, and then landed on the buttons of his pants. It took her awhile to get them undone but neither of them cared. They weren't in a rush, they were too busy gazing at each other.

Eventually, though, the last button was loose and Aubrey yanked lightly on his waistband. The pants gave way a little and then Levi reached down to fully remove them.

Aubrey's fingers went to his underwear next and they were gone in an instant.

She returned her attention to Levi's eyes and held his face in her hands. She watched him carefully, still seeing the pain and torment mixed with the love. It was a hard combination to look at. She knew that the love was causing the pain… and yet she didn't want the love to disappear. Not ever.

"Please, Levi. Just you."

For a moment more, all Levi could do was stare at her and then, after a brief kiss, he moved back to give her what she wanted.

Aubrey gasped as he eased into her but the noise didn't last long. Levi was back on her lips in a second.

He rocked them back and forth at a torturously slow pace and Aubrey wrapped her legs around his back, bringing him closer. Levi groaned and moved just the slightest bit faster.

Aubrey kept kissing him as his hand went down her side, gliding over her skin until he pressed down between her legs.

Her moan broke their kiss and Levi instead went to her jaw. But he didn't get to stay there for long.

Aubrey's hands found his chin again and she guided him back to her eyes. They were filled with tears.

"No, Levi. Look at me."

Her voice was incredibly unsteady, shaking from both the tears in her eyes and the sensations intensifying all over her body.

Levi didn't even bother being surprised. He just gave her what she wanted.

He pressed his forehead to hers and their eyes met even at such a close range.

Aubrey slid her hands into his hair, holding him there and then kissing him as their pace picked up.

Levi's fingers shifted between her legs and she gasped again. He used the opportunity to deepen their kiss even further and Aubrey moaned into his mouth.

Eventually, the heat between her legs became too much and Aubrey wasn't able to continue with their kiss as her breathing got heavier.

But she kept him still, gripping at his hair and not allowing him to move away from her face as they both grew close to their peaks.

Finally, the sensations grew too overwhelming and with a last shift of Levi's fingers, Aubrey's eyes rolled back in her head and she cried out.

Levi only took a few more moments to reach his end and he groaned as Aubrey panted beneath him.

But instead of collapsing onto her, Levi held himself up, continuing to hover over her. Now he wanted to look at her.

Her eyes were closed, tears still slipping down the sides of her face even as she caught her breath. Her brows were furrowed and her lips were parted as she sucked in the air she needed. She didn't have the content look that usually did when they were done but Levi knew that he didn't, either. This hadn't been an act of lightheartedness and giggles. It had been a goodbye.

"Aubrey."

Levi whispered her name as he stared down at her. But she didn't open her eyes.

His face twisted in agony as he tried again.

"Aubrey."

Still, she didn't look at him and Levi felt himself starting to break as her chest began to shake. She was about to cry. Really cry.

Levi brought a hand to her cheek as he held back the tears forming in his own eyes.

"Aubrey, please. Look at me."

One more second passed and then her eyes opened… just as a sob escaped her.

Without warning, her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled him to her desperately.

Levi's face buried in her shoulder as she cried and he quickly rolled them onto their sides so he could hold her. He pulled her into him just as the first of his own tears rolled down his cheek. But, despite his own pain, he knew he needed to speak to her. She needed his support.

"Aubrey... it's alright. We're going to be alright."

Aubrey's sobs didn't cease nor did they lessen. In fact, Levi felt her squeeze him even tighter as she cried even louder.

"Please, Aubrey. I can't stand it. I can't take it."

Levi's own voice trembled as he begged with her to stop her wails of pain. Every single one broke him, cut through him like he'd just been stabbed in the heart.

Aubrey heard him but she almost couldn't stop. It was like she'd lost control of her body, like the anguish had all been bottled up and now it was all rushing out at once. But she knew that for Levi's sake, she had to calm herself. No matter how impossible it seemed.

So, instead of crying, she decided to try talking. If there were words coming out of her mouth, then at least there wouldn't be sobs.

"Levi, I love you. I love you so much. I-I don't know if I can do this. I need you. How am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to live?"

Levi froze as she spoke and, even as her sobs returned in the absence of her words, he could hardly even hear them. She'd said she didn't know if she could do this.

For just a moment, Levi's mind flashed through the possibilities of what that could mean. Was she going to change her mind? Would she go to Erwin and tell him she couldn't go? Would she stay?

Levi's heart fluttered at the idea… but the flutter soon faded away. He knew that those weren't her true thoughts, her true words. They were the words of her grief, her suffering. If she'd had any doubts about leaving, he was sure that she would have told Erwin no in the first place. She wasn't the kind to change her mind. When she knew, she knew. And she knew she had to go. It was just that… at the moment… her pain was too great to think straight.

So it would be left to him. He would have to be her support in a decision he desperately wished she would truly reconsider. But she wouldn't. Not really, anyway. Her mind had been made up and, in the morning, after the shadows and darkness of the night had left them, she would see why she'd decided as she had. So, right now, he would have to remind her of why she had to leave him. He would have to tell her to go even when he wanted her to stay.

Levi took a deep breath and spoke.

"I've already told you, Aubrey. You're strong. You can do this. We can do this."

Levi stroked her hair as he continued.

"I love you. You can do this. I know you can."

Aubrey sobbed again and Levi closed his eyes as he held her, trying to hold in the pain as best he could. She needed him to be strong.

Levi just held her, rocking her back and forth in his arms until her cries eventually began to quiet. He could hear her taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself, trying to quiet her sobs. And, after a while, it worked.

The room went silent again except for the occasional whimper or shaky breath and Levi knew that she'd gotten through the worst of her breakdown. But he knew that he'd really gotten through to her when she finally spoke with a calmer voice.

"Levi…"

Levi kissed her cheek, a silent encouragement to go on.

"I don't know how to say goodbye."

Levi choked as she said the word out loud. Goodbye. He pulled away, even as Aubrey grabbed at him, so that he could look her in the eyes.

His hand found her cheek as he stared at her. Her tears were still flowing, her lips were shaking, her cheeks were red… she looked… beaten.

Seeing her made Levi's heart shatter for the hundredth time that day but he knew he had to continue being strong for her. She still needed him.

He sucked in a breath, and answered her.

"Then don't. You'll come back to me, right? Then don't say goodbye. Just… tell me you love me."

Aubrey's eyes closed for just a moment as more tears fell down her face. But then she looked at him and, to his surprise, she nodded. She pushed closer to him again, pressing their foreheads together.

"I love you."

Levi's lungs shook as he exhaled. He knew that their 'goodbye' wouldn't be ending anytime soon. They'd hold each other all night long, all through the morning, and he wouldn't let her go until the second she climbed on her horse and rode away. But also knew that this was it… they were letting go.

Levi leaned in, kissing her until they were out of air and had to break away. And, when he'd calmed his breathing, he answered her.

"I love you, too. Always."

For the rest of the night, they held each other closely, never daring to let go and miss a second of the touch that they would soon be without. Neither of them slept much. They didn't really want to and they weren't really sure they could have, anyway. Every so often, one of them would start to shake and the other would have to comfort them. Sometimes that comfort was words, sometimes it was a light touch, and sometimes that touch would turn into more until they were back where their night had started. But no matter what they did, the thoughts, the pain, it always managed to creep back in. That was inevitable, though, and they both knew it. So they just focused on being close and savoring every moment they had. And they did. They stayed there all night, holding each other so tightly it hurt, but knowing that they didn't want it any other way. Because, when the sun rose in the morning, they would have to do the impossible.

A/N: Alright, well, there's your sad smut. Definitely not spicy in the slightest but it wasn't supposed to be lol. This chapter was a little shorter but last chapter was literally the longest chapter I've ever written so I guess it evens out :) Anyway, I kind of hope it made you cry but also I don't want you to cry. But I also do, lol.

And, I just want to say thank you to everyone who had stuck with this book through all of its cringey, over the top, and cliché moments :') I know this book isn't perfect but it has been an absolute joy to write it and I know it wouldn't have been NEARLY as fun if it hadn't been for y'all. Knowing that other people out there love this story just as much as I do makes me so happy I could die :') Anyway, I won't get too soppy and I'll just leave it at THANK YOU.

Next chapter will be the last one :') It'll be sad lol. I might need a little extra time to get it up because I promised y'all I would put up chapter 1 of Book 2 at the same time. I just want to make sure I get them both edited and written correctly :))) Leave a comment if you want :) Y'all know it makes me so happy and I'd love to hear from you in the final chapters of this fic 3 Thank you again. I love y'all 333