WARNING: Sad… sorry.
When the first rays of sunlight finally trickled in through the window, Aubrey closed her eyes. If she couldn't see them… maybe they would go away.
She wasn't ready. Not in the slightest.
And yet, she was rapidly running out of time. She'd have to leave right after breakfast so that she could cover some distance before having to stop for the night. But all of it seemed so unreal. The idea that she would be spending her next night somewhere other than in Levi's arms was… wrong.
But it was their reality.
Aubrey pushed her head into Levi's chest, trying to block out the light that was only growing brighter by the minute. It horrified her.
Levi just held her tighter when he felt her shift into him. He knew that they were thinking about the same thing. The morning had come and it wouldn't be long before they had to get up. And when they got up… it would be the last time.
Levi pressed his lips to her hair as he closed his eyes, trying to take in the last moments they had. He let his mind take in the feeling of her skin on his, her breath on his chest, her hair falling across his arm. Everything about her was so mesmerizing that it was hard to comprehend that in a few hours… it would all be gone.
Levi kissed her hair again but this time, instead of pulling away, he moved his lips to her cheek and then trailed down her neck. He heard Aubrey sigh and he ran his hand up and down her side as he continued to kiss her. He'd stay there until the very last minute. And he did.
Eventually, the sunlight became too strong for them to ignore any longer. No matter how impossible it seemed, it was time for them to move.
Aubrey must have known it, too, because he felt her lips making their way across the skin of his chest, up his neck, across his jaw, and then finally she landed on his mouth. Levi wrapped a hand around her neck but Aubrey pulled back after just a few seconds.
For a moment, all she did was stare at him. He could see her eyes going over every feature and he returned the gesture, making sure he knew every curve, every bend, every line. He was intent on never letting a single aspect of her appearance fade from his mind during their time apart.
But he only got to stare for a few more moments before Aubrey kissed him lightly again and then pressed their foreheads together.
"We have to get up now…"
Her voice was just a whisper but Levi still heard her loud and clear as the words sliced through him. He knew she was right… but he still didn't want to admit it. Everything in him screamed to beg her for just a few more minutes, just a few more seconds. But he also knew that doing that would only make things harder. It would hurt Aubrey to know just how much he was struggling. Even now, he still had to be strong for her.
So, instead of asking for those few extra moments, Levi just kissed her again and then nodded.
Aubrey sighed, ran her fingers through his hair, and then, with a pained look on her face, she started to move out of his arms.
Levi fought the urge to grab at her and bring her back. Seeing her move away brought a pang of panic to his chest. But he pushed it down, reminding himself to be strong.
She was just about to move off the bed when she looked back at him, a somber look in her eyes. Suddenly, she crawled back to him, taking his face in her hands as she spoke.
"Let's take a shower."
Levi gazed back at her, not hesitating for a second before he'd kissed her forehead and started pulling her into the bathroom.
He had the water running in an instant and he turned back to her as he waited for it to heat up. His lips found her skin instantly and Aubrey wrapped her arms around his back.
Neither of them had even bothered to redress themselves last night so, as soon as the water had reached the temperature they liked, they stepped into the shower.
Both of them knew this wasn't going to be a heated exchange. They just wanted to hold each other close, to stand in the steam and try to find just one second of peace.
Levi pulled her close, kissing her one last time before his hands went to her hips and he urged her to turn around. She followed his instruction without even having to think.
Just a moment later, his hands had found her hair and Aubrey leaned back against him as he worked the soap against her scalp. A sigh escaped her lips and Levi continued to wash her, rinsing her hair and then moving his hands over her body. As soon as he'd finished, Aubrey turned around to face him, took the soap from his hands and started the process all over again.
Her fingers ran through the strands of his hair and she felt his muscles relax as she worked. Not long after, she rinsed the suds away and then ran her hands over his back until the soap lathered. She continued, going until she'd finished washing him entirely. When her work was done, she set the soap aside and returned her head to his chest, holding onto him until the hot water started to disappear and they were forced to get out.
The bathroom was filled with steam and even the mirror was fogged up when their feet hit the tile floor. They'd been in the shower for a little longer than they probably should have been.
Just a second after they were out, Aubrey felt a towel cover her shoulders and then Levi was behind her, drying her body slowly.
She stood there, savoring the way he was so gentle with her and committing every second of it to memory. He was so… perfect.
Aubrey felt her resolve beginning to crack. She hadn't wanted to cry today. Not even when she finally left. She knew that Levi had supported her last night and she'd wanted to support him today. But she had a feeling she just wasn't going to be able to go through with her plan. She needed him. She needed him so badly.
Tears formed in her eyes and, as if he could read her mind, Levi met her gaze.
When he saw the pain on her face he groaned. It hurt him so much to see her in such agony. Every tear that escaped her was another blow to his heart. But this time, he wasn't sure he would be able to be quite as strong as he had been before. It was so close to the time that she would leave and with every passing second grief grew in his gut. He was terrified, horrified, of what would happen when she finally rode out of sight. He wasn't sure he'd be able to go on. He thought that maybe he would just fall to his knees, unable to move, speak, or function. Maybe Erwin and Hange would have to drag him back into the castle. They probably would.
Levi groaned again as more tears slid down Aubrey's cheeks and he wrapped his arms around her despite the fact that he was still soaking wet and she'd just been dried. His breathing became erratic and it took all he had just to speak.
"Aubrey, please… please…"
Levi didn't even know what he was asking for. He just wanted her pain to go away. He wanted her to do absolutely anything that would take the tears out of her eyes. But he knew there was no magical solution. She was hurting, he was hurting, and it would stay that way for the entire time she was away. He would just have to hope that, over time… they'd get better at handling it.
Aubrey pressed her hands into his chest as he held her. She knew they were both on the edge of breaking and that she had to calm herself. They still had a lot to get through: breakfast, last-minute packing, getting Lex from the stables. She had to pull herself together if they were going to make it.
She lifted a hand to her eyes, wiping away the tears and then lifting her gaze. Levi looked down at her and she pressed her fingers to his cheek as she spoke.
"I know. I'm sorry. We can do this. We can do this."
Levi could feel his own tears threatening as he nodded and leaned forward to kiss her. She kissed him back, her palms pressing against his undercut as she held him close. They stood there for a moment and then Aubrey broke away, knowing that, for the time being, she could carry on. She had to.
She pulled away just enough to meet Levi's stare, and when she saw the tears threatening to spill over, she wiped them away from the corners of his eyes. She kissed him one last time and then wrapped a towel around his shoulders as she started to dry him.
Levi let out a shaky sigh as she moved the towel over his body. The second he'd seen her resolve return, he'd felt the pain lessen ever so slightly. He was doing his best to comfort her but he knew that he was just as broken as she was.
When Aubrey had finally finished drying him, she laced their fingers and led Levi back out to the main room. She opened the closet and pulled out of a set of his clothes before dressing him gently.
Levi could only stare at her. Just a few moments ago she'd been on the verge of tears and now she was dressing him. He was a little stunned but mostly relieved. She'd stopped crying and that was all that really mattered to him. He couldn't stand to see her so obviously pained. When he did, he only felt that pain ten times over in his own body.
Aubrey's hands suddenly started smoothing over his chest and he saw that she had completely dressed him and was flattening out the creases in his shirt. He paused for just a moment before catching her wrist and leading her over to her own packed clothing. She'd left an outfit out yesterday for this morning, so he didn't have to go through her bags. He dressed her quickly, his fingers brushing over her skin as he worked.
Aubrey savored every touch, every brush, every bit of contact, but soon Levi was done and they both stood fully clothed.
Aubrey shuddered. That meant one more thing ticked off their list before she would have to leave.
She pushed the thought from her mind. She'd only just gotten through her last breakdown and she had seen that Levi wouldn't be able to take much more. She needed to hold it in. For him.
Aubrey pulled him back to the bathroom and they both combed their hair quickly.
When they'd finished, Aubrey brushed a few wet strands from his eyes and then let her hand rest on his cheek. She realized that they'd hardly said a word all morning and yet she felt as though they'd had entire conversations. She could tell so much just by looking at his eyes. Everything was in his eyes.
Aubrey leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. She was glad that they didn't always need words to communicate. Especially now. She didn't even know what she would say. She needed more time. She'd have to speak eventually but she would leave it until… until she left. She didn't know if she would be able to form the words until she was forced to.
They both lingered there for a little too long, just as they had when they'd gotten out of the shower. It was just so hard to move on. Every step they took, every move they made brought them closer to the moment they both dreaded.
But, eventually, Aubrey sucked in a harsh breath and Levi pulled away to look at her. They stared for just a second longer and then Levi took her hand and led her to the kitchen.
Aubrey wasn't planning on cooking this morning. She didn't have the focus or desire to put so much effort into something. But they had leftover soup from the night before. It wasn't exactly breakfast food but at least it was something.
Aubrey put the leftovers on the stove to heat and then looked over to see that Levi was working on her tea. She let out a long exhale at the sight. He always insisted on making it for her, mumbling something about it being the least he could do if she had to drink shit.
The gesture always touched her heart, especially since he also insisted on sitting with her while she drank it. Even if the tea did taste like shit, it was always a quiet and calm moment that they were able to share.
Aubrey sighed and moved toward him, wrapping her arms around him from behind as he worked. But he was done just a few seconds later and then he turned to face her. He pulled her close and her head automatically buried in his chest as they stood in silence.
Aubrey breathed in the clean scent of his shirt and pressed even further into him as his hands tightened on her waist and his lips hit her hair. Aubrey never wanted to move away but, eventually, she knew that the soup was ready and she had to let go to get it ready.
Just a few moments later, their bowls were filled and Levi was guiding her out to the table.
When they got close, Aubrey turned to go to her chair but Levi caught her wrist. She shot him a puzzled glance but he just sat down, wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her into his lap.
Aubrey didn't bother feeling surprised. She knew he wanted her as close as possible for as long as possible. She felt the same way.
She shifted around until they were both in a position that would allow them to eat comfortably and then took a bite of her soup. Levi had brought her tea, too, but he always asked her to leave it for last so that he could hold her while she drank it. She didn't mind. Especially not today.
They ate in silence, though Levi was continuously rubbing his palm up and down her side and Aubrey would pause every so often to brush the hair from his eyes or lightly trace his jaw.
Their soup was gone in just a few minutes and Aubrey instantly reached for her tea before turning around in Levi's lap so that she could face him. He pulled her closer and his lips found her neck automatically. Aubrey sighed and ran her fingers through his hair, trying to push down the wave of pain that was coming forward. She couldn't help but think about how this was the last time she would sit in Levi's lap, have him hold her close, have him kiss her neck. It was almost too much. Almost. She'd promised herself she'd be strong for him until the very end. He'd supported her, now she needed to support him.
Aubrey reached for the tea and then took her first gulp. It was just as horrible as ever but it no longer made her shudder in disgust. It was a familiar taste now. She was used to it.
Aubrey took another gulp and Levi tugged her even closer as his mouth moved up her skin. He nudged her head to the side so he could get a better angle and Aubrey let him. He could stay there as long as he wanted. She didn't care if her tea went cold.
But, eventually, his lips reached her jaw and he moved the other side of her body, allowing her to sit up straight again. She sighed and took the last few gulps before setting the empty cup to the side and then wrapping her arms loosely around Levi's neck as he continued to move along her skin. Her eyes closed as she felt him slowly move up her neck, then along her jaw again, and then finally his lips met hers.
Aubrey kissed him hard. She was just barely containing her desperate sobs but she couldn't even attempt to hold back her desperate kisses. He was just so close, so comforting… and soon she wouldn't have him anymore. He'd be here and she'd be gone and the comfort he brought her would be miles away.
So, she'd get as much as she could before she left.
Their kiss continued until Aubrey was completely breathless and she couldn't take another second. She broke away and her head fell into the curve of Levi's neck as she pressed into him.
Levi let her rest for a moment, but when he heard her breaths start to even out, his hands hooked around her thighs and he held her against him as he stood and headed for the bathroom again. He set her on the sink and then handed her toothbrush over before reaching for his own. Aubrey only paused for a second before she started brushing and Levi did the same.
As soon as they were done, Levi lifted her again and then set her feet on the floor. Neither of them moved. There was nothing left to do. They were ready to go, ready to leave the room. And when they did… Aubrey wouldn't be returning.
For several long minutes, they stayed there, Levi's hands on Aubrey's waist and her hands on his chest as they gazed at each other. It seemed like it would be impossible to ever look away because… the moment they did… they would have to move on.
It wasn't until Aubrey saw the sunlight growing unavoidably brighter in the main room that she knew… it was finally time to go.
She could feel the tears in her eyes again but she didn't want Levi to see. She knew it would only hurt him. So, instead, she pushed her head into his shoulder and mumbled softly into his shirt.
"It's time, Levi. We can't stay any longer."
Levi could hear the slight shake in her voice and he knew that saying the words had hurt her just as much as it had hurt him to hear them. But she was right. They couldn't ignore this any longer. They had to go.
Levi lifted her chin and kissed her gently. He didn't dare drag out the action, though. If he did, it would only make things harder.
So, when he broke away, he took one last look at her face and then pulled her out to the main room.
Levi glanced at her and Aubrey instantly knew what he was going to do. Before she knew it, he'd grabbed her boots and was pushing her into a chair as he kneeled at her feet.
Aubrey looked down at him, repeating to herself that she couldn't break yet. Not yet. Even with an act as sentimental as this, she couldn't break yet. She needed to be strong.
She watched as Levi slid the shoes carefully onto her feet and her fingers fell into his hair, running through the strands and occasionally pausing to massage his scalp. Levi always moved a bit slower when she did that… which may have been her goal.
Aubrey felt the boots gradually tightening as Levi worked with the laces. For a moment, she was almost angry that he'd gotten so efficient. She wanted him to slow down, to give her every second she could possibly get. But, soon, he was done and she was forced to let her irrational thought go when he looked into her eyes expectantly. She knew exactly what he was waiting for.
She leaned down and her lips hit his lightly. She had to hold back a sob and she pulled away quickly. If she kept kissing him, she'd start thinking too much.
Levi didn't question why she'd moved away so quickly. In fact, there was a look of understanding in his eyes as he glanced at her while reaching for his own boots.
Aubrey ran her fingers through his hair again as he worked on his own shoes but he had them done even faster than he'd finished with hers and pretty soon he'd taken her hand and pulled her out of her chair.
Levi didn't hesitate and they went to the corner and picked up the couple of bags that Aubrey would be taking with her today. There was more but she hadn't wanted to take a wagon to carry it all so the rest would be going along with the recruits that were sent to her in the next couple of weeks. For now, she would only take the necessities so that she could travel quickly.
Once they had the bags in their hands, they headed for the door but neither of them reached for the knob. It was too horrifying, too real.
They turned back to each other when they realized that neither of them was quite ready. They just needed a couple more minutes.
Aubrey was instantly in his arms and her lips found his collarbone as he rubbed his palm up and down her back. When Aubrey reached his shoulder, she tucked her chin into the curve of his neck and allowed her eyes to wander. Her mind flashed back to the night they'd first seen this room, to the night they'd found a moment of giddy peace in a world of pain. Everything had been so new. A new room, a new name, a new life. They'd started over in this room… and it had been the best choice she'd ever made. Every moment they'd spent here had been meaningful. From the day they'd moved in, to the nights they'd spent together, to the several failed attempts at making a certain soup, and even to the quiet times they'd spent just lying in each other's arms. All of it had been everything she could ever want and more. And now she had to leave it all behind.
She forced her eyes to close as agony rippled through her. She knew that Levi could sense it because his arms tightened around her and he hummed into her ear.
Aubrey turned into him and pressed her lips to his skin again, transmitting a silent "I love you". Levi squeezed her harder as he tried to tell her the same.
And then she let go.
Aubrey moved away from him and took his hand. All he could do was watch as her eyes scanned the room one last time… and then she reached for the knob.
In an instant they were out in the hall and the door clicked shut behind them. Levi heard Aubrey's breathing becoming completely erratic and he quickly grabbed at her, pulling her close again even though she'd only left his arms a few seconds ago.
It didn't take long for her to calm herself and then she nodded against his chest, letting him know that she was ready to go. She pulled away slowly and then Levi took her hand and, with a last glance at each other, they started their final walk through the castle.
The hallways were so familiar and yet so… surreal. Aubrey felt like she was walking through a dream. There was a haze over the world and the sound of their heels clicking on the stone floor seemed to echo ten times louder than it ever had before.
Somehow, Aubrey got so lost in her daze that she didn't even realize that they'd reached the back door of the castle until Levi pushed it open and they walked outside.
Aubrey sucked in a breath when the cold air hit her lungs and she felt Levi halt beside her.
She turned to look at him, only to see that his eyes were set forward. She followed his gaze and finally saw what had made him freeze.
There, in the distance, she could just barely make out Erwin. He had Lex next to him, her reins in his hands and Hange stood close by his side. They wouldn't be getting Lex from the stables themselves, which meant they had even less time than they'd thought.
Aubrey took in another harsh breath and it broke Levi from his reverie. He turned to her instantly and his hand found her chin as he twisted her to face him. He could see the panic in her eyes; it was so strong that he knew she was screaming on the inside. He moved closer until she was pressing against him and his hands found her cheeks. She stared up at him, the horror still obvious on her features and Levi touched his forehead to hers as he spoke for the first time since they'd left the room.
"Remember… you can do this. I know you can do this. We can do this."
Levi watched as she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head hopelessly. For a moment, he thought she was going to break down, but then her eyes opened again and he saw the panic had turned to an aching pain… and resolve. She was hurting, she was hurting so much, but Levi knew that she was going to get through this. When she had that determined look in her eyes, she could do anything.
Aubrey let out a shaky breath and took Levi's hand again, locking their fingers tightly. After a few more seconds, she stepped back and, with one last look at Levi's face, she moved forward.
The walk over lasted for an eternity and Aubrey was aware of every motion of her body. Everything seemed heavy and lethargic, like the world was moving in slow motion and every second equalled a minute. But, even in slow motion, their walk came to an eventual end.
They halted a few steps from Erwin but nobody spoke. This was Aubrey's ordeal and it would be done at her pace.
Aubrey set her bag down and turned to Levi and kissed his cheek as she let go of his hand. She didn't want to leave him even for a second but her next conversations had to be done alone. When she pulled away from his cheek, she could see the pain in his eyes and she reached up to run her thumb over his cheekbone before she finally turned away.
Aubrey met Erwin's eyes but she wasn't going to him quite yet. Her goodbye with Hange would probably be the most light-hearted of them all. So… she'd start there.
Hange met her eyes and already Aubrey could tell that this was going to be hard. Really hard. And after Hange… things would only get more difficult.
But Aubrey didn't allow her resolve to crack for even a second. She couldn't afford to lose it now.
Finally, after a few more seconds, Aubrey came to a stop and she stared at the frown on her friend's lips. It was hard to look at. It was so rare that Hange really, truly, frowned. Aubrey hated it.
She stepped forward again and wrapped Hange in a hug, squeezing tight enough that it might have hurt. But, Hange didn't say anything and Aubrey soon felt her friend's own arms sliding around her back to return the embrace.
Aubrey held on for a while but then the silence grew too great and she spoke softly.
"I'll miss you, Hange. So much."
Hange squeezed her even tighter.
"I'll miss you, too, Aubrey."
Aubrey nodded and then took a deep breath. She was already feeling her heart break. But she'd wanted to keep this goodbye more upbeat than the other two would be. She needed at least one conversation to not feel like the end of the world.
Aubrey shook her head to clear her mind and then pulled away, leaving her hands on Hange's shoulders. She did her best to give her friend a small smile, though she wasn't sure how genuine it looked.
"Don't get yourself killed in an experiment, kay?"
Hange gave her a sad smile and there was a slight pause before she answered.
"Sure. I'll do my best. No promises, though."
Aubrey nodded and forced her lips to stay upturned.
"Well, as long as you promise to not do anything too dangerous, you can use Levi in my place while I'm gone. Just threaten to get dirt on his boots and he'll do whatever you want."
Hange huffed, well aware of the fact that Aubrey was trying to make their goodbye as painless as possible. That was fine. It would make things easier for both of them.
"That works?"
Aubrey winked.
"Like a charm."
Hange's eyes fell to the ground as she nodded, the sad smile still on her lips.
"Alright. I'll give it a shot."
Aubrey stared at her, and then slapped her shoulder lightly.
"Well, on the bright side, I guess I won't have to drink that horrid tea for a while, huh?"
Hange's eyes widened and her gaze shot back up to meet Aubrey's eyes.
Aubrey just laughed at her reaction. Hange knew all about the tea and why she drank it. And it had been Aubrey's own fault that she'd found out. On her first trip into town with Levi, she'd bought her friend a book. Little had she known that it contained a section on herbal remedies that contained a whole page about the fact that anemone flowers had been used as a way to prevent children in some communities for centuries. When Aubrey had casually asked if she'd found anything particularly interesting, Hange had shyly shown her the page. Aubrey had quite literally dragged her friend into a storage room and told her that if she ever uttered a word about it to Erwin she would be dead in a second. Apparently, Hange had taken her seriously because she'd never brought up the topic again and she hadn't met Aubrey's eyes for a few days afterwards.
Aubrey patted her friend's shoulder again, satisfied that she'd at least managed to shift the mood from somber to shocked. It might not have been the most appropriate thing to say in a goodbye, but at least it had done the trick.
Aubrey decided to spare Hange the horror of answering and spoke again.
"My earlier threat still stands, though. If you so much as mention that flower in Erwin's presence I will come back here and kick you out of the walls."
Finally, Hange's shock softened a bit and she relaxed enough to let out a small laugh.
"Right. Got it."
Aubrey nodded, but she could already feel the atmosphere getting heavy again. Her joke had only lightened the mood for a few seconds. But what had she expected? No joke would make the horror of a goodbye disappear.
But, just as Aubrey was about to move on to their final goodbye, she saw Hange's eyes widen and suddenly she grabbed her hand and brought it to her face.
"Oh my god, Aubrey."
Aubrey laughed when she saw that Hange was gaping at her ring. She'd almost forgotten that she hadn't told anyone about her engagement. It almost seemed like a lesser though compared to everything else going on. But that obviously wasn't the case for Hange.
"Is this what I think it is?"
Aubrey laughed lightly again and nodded.
"Yes. And you're invited to the wedding, so prepare yourself."
Hange met her gaze and Aubrey put on another small smile.
Before she knew it, Hange had her wrapped in another hug and Aubrey that this time it was a hug of excitement, not sorrow.
Aubrey's smile grew larger as she realized that she'd managed to give her friend at least a single moment of something besides sadness during their goodbye.
"Congratulations, Aubrey."
Aubrey nodded and held her friend tighter.
"Thank you, Hange."
They stayed there for a moment and then Aubrey took another deep breath, realizing that it was finally time to be serious. It was time to go.
Aubrey pulled out of their hug just enough to look Hange in the eyes.
"Watch out for them, Hange. Both of them. We all need each other."
Hange's smile completely disappeared and her frown returned. Aubrey hated to see it again but… she was sure she looked the same way.
"I'll do my best."
Aubrey sighed and pulled her friend back into a hug for one last line.
"Thank you, Hange. For being my friend, for caring about me, for caring about them. It means everything to me. So… thank you."
Hange nodded and answered in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Thank you, Aubrey, for caring about me. I really will miss you. A lot."
Aubrey smiled sadly again and pulled away for the last time to look her friend in the eyes.
"I'll see you soon, Hange."
There was a slight silence… and then Hange gave the final words.
"Goodbye, Aubrey."
Aubrey gave her friend one last glance, trying to put as much love and concern as she could into the look and then… she turned away.
Her fingernails dug into her palms as she walked away and Aubrey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She tried to focus only on what was coming and not what she'd just done but that didn't help one bit. She had to talk to Erwin next. And this time… well, there would be no light-heartedness. She was going to cry and she knew it.
Aubrey opened her eyes to see that Erwin was now only a few steps away and she came to a sudden halt. The second she met his gaze all she could see was torment. He looked horrible. The bags under his eyes were almost darker than she'd ever seen them, his skin was pale, and the permanent frown on his lips didn't do anything to help.
Aubrey felt tears in her eyes after just a few seconds of looking at him and she knew she had to act fast before she started bawling so hard she wouldn't be able to speak.
She moved forward, closing the small gap between them, and flung herself at him. Erwin caught her easily and then felt her hand on his collar as she pulled him down to speak with him. He did as she asked.
Aubrey put a hand on his cheek, staring at him for a moment longer, and then… the tears started to fall. She couldn't hold them back anymore. It was all she could do to keep them silent. But they would stay that way. She would cry, but she wouldn't sob until she was out of sight.
Erwin stared back at her and his eyes went straight through her, just as they always did. It sent a shiver down her spine that was strong enough to shake her into speaking. And she already knew what she wanted to say.
"Erwin… I need to thank you."
Her voice was already trembling but she couldn't bring herself to care. As long as Erwin heard what she was saying, it didn't really matter.
"For what?"
Aubrey huffed at his tone. He sounded genuinely confused, like he couldn't think of a single thing she'd have to thank him for. She could understand how he would feel that way right now. Erwin may have been the one sending her away but he still cared about her… and he knew exactly what he was doing by separating her from Levi. He was breaking her.
But Aubrey had given up trying to be angry at him long ago. It wouldn't help. She was going for him but she was going for herself, and for Levi, too. And maybe even for all of the Scouts and every other person within the walls. She couldn't ignore the tiny piece of hope it gave her and she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't chase it. So, she wasn't angry with him, she would just… miss him.
Aubrey felt a pang of pure agony and more tears spilled from her eyes as she answered him.
"For something I should have thanked you for a long time ago. You were… there for me, Erwin, when nobody else was, when I'd lost everything and I'd thought I would just wither away and die. You saved my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to name them. You… you've filled a hole in my life, Erwin. I… I love you… so much… and I always will. No matter what."
Aubrey stared at him, seeing his eyes flash through so many emotions so quickly that she couldn't tell what he was actually feeling. But then she felt his hand on her cheek and Aubrey had to look away for a moment as she composed herself. She couldn't believe this was happening, couldn't believe she was really saying goodbye.
"You never have to thank me for that, Aubrey. You have helped me more than you could ever know. And… I love you, too. No matter what."
Aubrey nodded and leaned into his hand as more pain overtook her. But she couldn't give in. There was still more to say.
She raised her eyes to his again and started.
"And, Erwin… I never want you to blame yourself. I know… I know you don't want to send me away. But… I know that you have to. I understand. And, if I didn't feel the same way, if I didn't feel like I had to… I wouldn't have agreed. So… please, don't blame yourself, Erwin. I don't blame you and… even though he might be angry for a while… I don't think Levi does, either. He knows that this is my decision." Aubrey paused for a second as she remembered Erwin's promise to her. She knew he would stay true to his word, but… she needed to hear it again. "So, even if he's resentful, even if he's bitter… please… love him like you said you would. Don't let him be alone, Erwin." Aubrey shook her head in horror as the tiniest cry escaped her lips. "Please, don't let him be alone."
Erwin couldn't stand to see the look of anguish on her face any longer, so he gathered her into a hug. Aubrey's arms flew around his neck immediately and she pressed her face into his shoulder, trying to muffle her small cries. Erwin just held her tightly as he answered.
"I promise, Aubrey, I won't let him be alone. He'll be alright. Hange and I will take care of him. He won't be alone."
Aubrey nodded into his chest and squeezed him tighter, trying to hold back her sobs. But Erwin went on.
"And… thank you, Aubrey, for forgiving me. Thank you."
Aubrey let out another small cry, finding herself unable to contain it. She clutched at Erwin's shirt desperately. She didn't know how she was supposed to let go. He was so important, so essential to her survival. For so long, he'd been the one to support her through anything. But now, at the time when she needed the most support, she was being torn away from him.
Aubrey could feel a sob forming and she felt like she was going to break but, just as she knew she couldn't hold it in anymore, she felt Erwin move away from her. And then he grabbed her hand.
His eyes landed on the ring and she realized that she was going to have to explain her situation all over again. To Erwin. The thought was almost enough to make her blush, even at a time like this.
He stared at the ring for a moment longer and then his eyes raised to meet hers. Aubrey felt a shiver go down her spine as he looked into her soul.
"Levi...?" Erwin trailed off after just saying his name but Aubrey knew what he was asking.
She nodded.
"Yes. Last night."
There was a beat of silence as Aubrey worked up the courage to ask a question she hoped he would understand the meaning of. If he did, maybe he would finally know just how much he meant to her.
Aubrey took a deep breath and then raised her hand to his cheek again as she spoke.
"Will you walk me down the aisle?"
Erwin's eyes widened and Aubrey knew that she'd caught him off guard. He hadn't been prepared for a question like that.
Aubrey gave him a soft smile, trying to reassure him.
"Don't worry, we're going to wait a while. But… please, Erwin. You're the only person I'd want to do it."
Erwin stared at her for a moment longer and for a second Aubrey thought he might fight her on it, ask her why or maybe even say no. But then his features softened and a small smile came to his lips.
"Of course, Aubrey. I'd be honored."
Aubrey closed her eyes as more tears rolled down her cheeks and she pulled Erwin into another embrace. She held him close for a long time, silently crying into his shirt as wave after wave of pain ran through her. She never wanted to leave, never wanted to let go.
But there was nothing she could do. She had to let go… no matter how badly she wished she could hold on forever. And there was only one last thing to say.
"I love you, Erwin."
Aubrey felt him squeeze her a bit tighter and then he answered her.
"I love you, too, Aubrey."
With that, Aubrey knew it was time. Ever so slowly, she moved back until she could see his eyes. She let them look into her soul one last time and then, after a few moments, she leaned forward, kissed his cheek, and turned away.
Aubrey didn't dare to give him a last glance. She would break down. And she still had to get through the hardest goodbye of all.
When her eyes landed on Levi she almost screamed. He was already looking at her and he already looked… broken. They both knew that this was it, that they would have to say their strange version of a goodbye and then part.
Aubrey felt like her body was crumbling as she took slow steps toward him. She almost wanted to stop dead in her tracks. Maybe if she never reached him she'd never have to say goodbye, never have to leave. Maybe time would just stop along with her.
But it wouldn't. And she knew that.
So, she kept going, having to remind herself how to walk with every step. It took all of her focus, all of attention, just to stay upright.
Her feet squished into the dead grass one last time and then she looked up. He was right there. Just a foot away. So close, yet so far.
Aubrey wanted to run away and grab at him at the same time. She didn't know what to do. But, luckily, Levi did something for her.
She felt his hand in hers as he locked their fingers. Just an instant later his arm wrapped around her waist and Levi had her pressed against him with her head buried in his chest.
For a second, Aubrey couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think. Everything was so entirely overwhelming. The pain was too great to do anything but feel it.
"Aubrey..."
Levi's voice was just barely above a whisper but Aubrey could still hear the absolute torture in his tone. It pushed her to the edge and another cry escaped her. She knew that her tears were already soaking Levi's shirt as she grabbed at him. But she knew she needed to answer him. This was the moment that they'd been dreading, fearing, and now they needed each other. They needed to be strong for each other.
"Levi…"
Aubrey raised her head to look at him and when she saw that he was crying tears of his own she let out her first sob. Her hand raised to his face and she wiped away the tears hastily.
"We can do this. We can do this. You told me we can do this, right? We can do this."
Aubrey's voice was hushed but frantic and it shook tremendously. Levi knew that if he didn't have his arm around her waist, she would have fallen over by now. The muscles in his jaw clenched as he tried to respond to her. She was comforting him but she was waiting for his reassurance in return.
Levi nodded at her even through his tears and he raised a hand to her cheek.
"Yes, we can do this."
Aubrey shook in his arms and Levi pressed his forehead to hers.
His fingers found the star-shaped pendant around her neck and he gazed at it as he held it. She'd never gone a day without wearing it. He hoped she'd keep that habit while she was away. It would make him feel like at least she had the tiniest piece of him with her. But that star, it wasn't just a piece of him… it was a piece of them. And he wanted that piece to stay with her for every second of every day. Forever.
Finally, Levi let his hand drop away and then they were silent for a few seconds before Aubrey found the strength to speak again.
"We're going to get it, Levi."
Levi's brows furrowed at her words. Maybe it was his dazed state or the intensity of the moment, but he didn't understand. But Aubrey continued.
"I'm going to do this and we're going to get it. I don't care how impossible it is. I'm going to come back to you, we're going to get married, the titans are going to disappear, we're going to open that shop in town, and I'm going to convince you to have three kids instead of two. We're going to get it, Levi. I know we are. We have to."
Levi released a shuddering breath as he realized she was talking about their future. The future they both wanted so badly but both knew they'd never get. But even through her shaking, Aubrey sounded so sure, so positive that they'd get what they wanted. So, Levi would go along with her. They'd do exactly as they'd done that night at the pond when they'd first discussed what they would do if they were free. He would let himself escape, just for a moment, to the place he desperately wanted to be. He would forget about reality and live in their own world of peace. He would believe, really truly believe, that their future wouldn't be just a dream. It would be real.
He nodded and held her even tighter.
"You're going to have to do a lot of convincing for three kids instead of two. More than two and we're outnumbered."
Aubrey huffed and she saw her tears fall to the ground.
"I still think we could do it."
Levi recognized her words as almost the exact same phrase she'd told him that night at the pond. He exhaled harshly as the pain overtook him and a wave of tears rolled down his face. But he kept up with her and told her the same answer he'd given her that night.
"We'll see."
Both of them fell silent for a few moments as their minds wandered around in the perfect world they'd created together. But thoughts of their time together in the future turned to thoughts of their time together in the past and soon Aubrey found herself remembering all they'd been through, all they'd survived. The pain, the torment, the horror, the grief. But also the bliss, the peace, the smiles, the love. They'd lost so much… but they'd gained each other. And, as long as they had each other… they could withstand anything, no matter how much it hurt.
And this… this hurt more than anything.
But she would come back, just like she'd said she would. She would always have him and he would always have her. There wasn't anything that could stop that. Not even this.
Aubrey pulled Levi even closer until their lips were practically brushing as she spoke.
"Please be okay. Please be okay when I'm gone. I need you to be okay. I need you to be happy, to find new family, to smile. Please smile. I love when you smile, so please don't stop." Aubrey had to pause to take a breath but she wasn't done yet. "I know this will be hard… but we can do it. We have to. So… until I can come back to you… I need you to live, Levi. Please. Don't just exist, I need you to live. Knowing that you're living, that you're caring, it's the only way I'll be able to do this. So, please, Levi, live for me."
Levi was shaking, his tears flowing even faster than before. He almost didn't know what to say. He didn't know how he was supposed to live without her. But, if that was what she wanted, if that was what she needed… then he would find a way.
He clenched his jaw and he slowly nodded as he whispered to her.
"Promise me you'll do the same."
Aubrey let out a shaky sigh. It was a relief to know that Levi would at least try. She just couldn't bear the thought of him suffering or closing himself off while she was gone. And she knew she would have to fight hard not to shut down herself, but… she would try. Just like he would.
"I promise."
Silence washed over them again and both of them recognized that their time was coming to an end. There wasn't much left to say. But there was one last thing to do.
Levi moved his hand from Aubrey's cheek to her chin and he tilted her head up. He gazed into her eyes, seeing the pain again but knowing that he looked the exact same.
But Aubrey had done the talking. Now it was time for him to do the showing.
He leaned down slowly, their lips hitting lightly. At first, every touch was gentle, delicate, soft. But that didn't last long. Both of them gripped each other, their kisses deepening with every second. They were still gentle, loving, but they were intense. They were a final attempt to convey their feelings. Their sadness, their pain, their heartache. All of it went into the way they held each other. And all of it was felt in full.
Aubrey didn't know how long they stayed there, neither of them caring that Erwin and Hange were still behind them. It didn't matter, they were going to take every second they could get.
But, eventually, those seconds ticked away and Aubrey reluctantly realized her need for air. It took every ounce of her strength to break away.
For a moment, she kept her eyes closed, trying to process what was coming next. But she couldn't. There was no way she would ever be ready to do this, to walk away, to leave. But she had to do it anyway. There was no other choice. This was it.
Aubrey slid her arms around Levi's shoulders and she tucked her chin into the curve of his neck. Levi did the same, burying his face in her shoulder and pressing her against him as they caught their breath.
They continued to stand there, holding each other until it hurt and even then not letting go. But when their breaths finally evened out, Aubrey knew she had to speak.
She turned her head so that her mouth was by Levi's ear and then whispered the words that only he would understand the true meaning of.
"Remember… I will always come back, Levi." She had to pause as and a small sob escaped when she whispered her last piece. "I love you."
Levi trembled in her arms as he answered her and his voice was so low she could barely hear him.
"I love you, too. Always."
Aubrey squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips to his neck. And then, even though it felt like every part of her was dying, she pulled away. She had to force her arms to slide away from Levi's neck, had to force her legs to take a step back, had to force herself to stay put once she was finally away. It took everything she had.
The only part of them that remained touching was their hands. They would be locked together until the second she got on her horse.
Which wouldn't be much longer.
With a last surge of willpower, Aubrey tore her eyes from Levi's face and turned to Lex.
Erwin had her reins in his hand and Hange had since moved to stand next to him. Both of them had somber expressions as they stared back at her. Aubrey wasn't surprised. This wasn't easy for any of them.
After just one more moment, Aubrey took a deep breath… and walked forward.
She had to tug a little on Levi's hand to get him to move but she knew it wasn't because he didn't want to go, only because he was just as horrified as she was by what they were about to do.
Aubrey halted when they arrived and realized that Erwin had already loaded her things into Lex's saddlebags. She looked at him but there was nothing left to say. But, even though they didn't speak, Aubrey felt his eyes go through her one last time and she knew… he was saying goodbye.
Aubrey felt another tear drop from her chin but she didn't even bother to wipe her cheeks. Her tears wouldn't be stopping any time soon, not even when she was long gone.
Finally, Erwin let his gaze drop and Hange gave her a small smile before Aubrey turned back to Levi for one last touch.
She reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes, knowing it would be the last time she would be able to for a long time.
But then a last thought popped into her mind. She nearly laughed when she thought of it. It was a situation that seemed so impossible after all they'd been through, all they'd survived. But, considering how skilled he was, she had a feeling that Levi would have no trouble following through with her last request. After all, he'd once told her he'd "gone through too much shit just to get eaten". She figured that was even more true now than when he'd first said it.
Her hand fell to his cheek and she pressed their foreheads together as she took one last, long, deep breath. The cold air filled her lungs and it gave her the final push she needed in order to… leave.
Aubrey's brows furrowed and she choked back a sob as she forced her mouth to form the words she'd once said to him so long ago.
"Levi?"
Her voice was so quiet that he was sure only he could hear.
"Hm?"
Aubrey paused. As soon as she'd finished speaking, she would turn away from him and take the reins from Erwin's hands. She would swing up onto Lex's back and give them all a last glance. She would linger on Levi's face for just a moment and see the burning in his eyes that she was sure was already there. And then she would ride away and leave behind the only family and home she'd ever know. But, above all, she would leave behind Levi, with only the promise that she would return. Which, she would. Always.
Aubrey took just one more moment. And then said her parting words.
"Don't die."
A/N: Y'all… it's OVER. This book is DONE. That was the LAST chapter. I seriously CANNOT believe it. It's crazy.
I think that this chapter might have made you cry, but maybe not as hard as other chapters? Idk, I tried to make them be a little stronger for each other. I couldn't have Aubrey go through a full-on breakdown on the field. She'd never get on the horse lol.
Anyway, thank you again to every single one of you. I can't believe y'all have stuck with this story through so much :))) It means the world to me.
On that note, I COMMAND all of you (ALL OF YOU) to leave a comment. I don't care if this chapter was posting a decade ago at the time that you're reading it, you're still REQUIRED to leave a comment. It's the LAST chapter, y'all. Just do it for me, please. Let me know what you thought of the chapter, the story as a whole, what you hope happens in Book 2 (I might take your suggestionssssss), and if you really can't think of anything just leave a comment saying hello and I'll say hello back 3
I'm going to miss this story so much :' ) In the next book, baby Aubrey and Levi will be all grown up. They're gonna be close to thirty, y'all. Wild.
Okay, the first chapter of Book 2 should be up right now, so y'all don't even have to wait. You can find Book 2 on my profile, it's titled Stay Alive, or I'll put the link here: ~docoo
Again, THANK YOU for reading this story, for leaving such amazing comments, having such awesome conversations with me, and for becoming my own little online community of friends/readers. I love every single one of you. See you in the next book – Docoo 333