Chapter 64

Harry woke to a too-bright light shining through a gap in the hangings around his bed. He swore quietly to himself and rolled over, throwing an arm over his face to cover his eyes. He'd started to drift off back to sleep when it suddenly occurred to him that he was in his own bed, alone. He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up in his own bed.

Shaking himself awake, Harry took stock of himself. His mouth felt quite dry, but other than that it appeared that all of the effects of the previous night's drinking had worn off. Unfortunately Harry couldn't remember much of what had happened last night.

Harry pushed himself up out of his bed and shuffled over to check on Seamus.

He was shirtless and draped across his bed, his slightly too long hair spread out around his head like a halo and lit up like spun gold in the early morning light. He looked so peaceful, his face almost feminine in its softness, that Harry would have swapped anything he owned in that moment for Seamus to be able to sleep like that every night.

It appeared to be thanks to Simba, who had arranged herself over Seamus' chest, that Seamus had slept well the previous night. It was also thanks to Simba that Seamus had started to stir.

The cat had opened one eye when Harry appeared in the gap in Seamus' hangings and meowed loudly at him. She rolled over onto her stomach, jostling Seamus violently, and meowed demandingly at Harry.

Harry scooped Simba into his arms and hoping that Seamus wouldn't wake up carried the now purring cat into the bathroom where he deposited her on a windowsill whilst he relieved his bladder.

A few minutes later, as Harry was brushing his teeth, someone appeared in the bathroom, at the urinal behind them. Harry didn't turn until the other person was done and approached the sink to wash their hands. Harry was both happy and disappointed to see it was Seamus, he hadn't wanted the other boy to have to wake up yet.

Harry spat out his toothpaste and swilled out his mouth before looking over, slightly abashedly at Seamus.

"Morning." Harry said.

Seamus surveyed him, his face giving nothing away. Harry had no idea about why he had been in his own bed, had he possibly done something to upset Seamus? He'd had a lot to drink and the events of the previous night were fuzzy.

"You're lookin' a lot less worse for ware than I thought you'd be today."

Harry winced. "How bad was I?"

"You'll see when the Prophet comes." Seamus said, still not giving anything away as he washed his hands.

"Fuck off." Harry said with a roll of his eyes. When Seamus didn't react Harry felt horror slowly creep through him. "You're not kidding? What happened?" Harry sucked in a deep breath and put a hand to his forehead as all the possibilities of what the Daily Prophet could publish about him, ran through his head. "Oh god Shay, Aunt Petunia's going to kill me… Sev's going to kill me. What did I do?"

"There was a photographer coming out the Three Broomsticks on our way back to the castle last night. You were hammered and they got a picture of you puking up everything you'd drunk."

"Is that why you made me sleep in my own bed? Did I do something to upset you? I was a dick wasn't I?"

Seamus blushed. "It wasn't anything you said. It's just… well, I uh, find you attractive."

"Obviously," Harry paused for a second and backtracked slightly. He didn't want to be too flippant yet, he wasn't sure if he needed to make amends for something yet. "That's not me being cocky, I've been your boyfriend for almost six-months. I assumed attraction is part of that. I mean… I think you're attractive too."

Seamus seemed to forget his embarrassment for a second as he rolled his eyes at Harry. "I had to undress you, didn't I? It kind of felt inappropriate getting into bed with you whilst you were completely legless after I'd just stripped you down."

Harry tilted his head as he surveyed Seamus, unable to keep himself from smiling as he thought about what Seamus had said. "Were you worried about my virtue?" He asked teasingly.

Seamus was flustered again. "It wasn't like that. Nothing would have happened if you'd slept in my bed, but you kept telling me how pretty you think I am and how sexy you find my accent and the only time I've ever taken your clothes off before it's been your shirt when things have been getting… y'know- heated."

"You know, you're proper cute when you get flustered." Harry said, snaking an arm around the other's boy waist and pulling him in close to kiss his cheek.

Harry let go of Seamus and perched on the edge of the windowsill next the sink, feeling more at ease knowing that he hadn't done anything to hurt Seamus the previous night. "Go on then, might as well tell me what else I did last night."

To Harry's absolute horror Seamus gave Harry a comprehensive run down on everything he'd done the night before. When Seamus finished Harry swung his legs trying to work out which issue he should address first. He felt stupid, he hadn't wanted the rest of his team to think he was boring and so he'd gone and made a fool of himself and Seamus had seen it all. Surely there could be nothing less attractive to Seamus than Harry slurring his words and vomiting up the side of buildings.

"As if I didn't have enough memory problems to begin with. I think it's safe to say I'm never drinking again… I should probably thank Cedric- and apologise to the ministry wizards."

"Yeah- I wouldn't apologise to them, they really resented having to watch over you and they didn't even bother to stop that bloke taking a picture of you."

"Still, I wouldn't have fancied having to watch my stupid arse all night just because the Minister said I had to." Harry said as the guilt seeped in.

Seamus took a step closer to Harry on the windowsill and said in a low voice. "I wouldn't have minded watching your arse all night." He seemed to regret his words the second they left his mouth and ducked his head to avoid meeting Harry's eyes. "Pretend I never said that… That was like a bad line from a film."

Harry smirked. "Not a chance." He hopped off the window ledge, gritting his teeth together and trying to keep all of his emotions held tightly in as he lightly kissed Seamus on the tip of his nose and said "I will see you later my love, I have to get to practice."

"You're being awfully cavalier about it all."

Harry shrugged, trying to make himself feel as unconcerned as he was pretending to be. "It's over and done with."

Seamus looked concerned and put a hand on Harry's shoulder to stop him. "You don't have to pretend Harry."

"What do you want me to say Shay?" Harry asked raising his eyebrows slightly too high, his eyes looking almost wild as he tried to keep his voice calm. "I made an absolute fool of myself, I almost outed us, Sev's going to kill me, the Minister for bloody Magic probably already knows about what happened and soon enough so will every other witch and wizard in Britain when that photo gets sold to a paper. Do you know what I remember from last night after I started drinking?" Harry asked, his voice getting higher it began to sink in what an absolute idiot he'd been to even consider drinking the previous night.

"I remember being in the the Hogshead bathroom and turning to face you and my vision taking a second to catch up with my head moving. If we'd been attacked walking back to the school there would have been nothing I could have done, after all the training I've done these last two years, after my mum and Percy dying to protect me we'd have both been dead. It would have made no difference, they'd have killed both of us." He didn't say aloud that Hermione would most certainly have died too.

Harry could feel himself shaking, over the years he'd developed a talent for pushing his feelings down and pretending to be more confident than he was unfortunately when these feelings came out, they really came out.

He could feel tears building in the corners of his eyes and he tried to blink them back, not sure why he had the sudden urge to cry.

"C'mere."

Seamus stood opposite him in his threadbare pyjama bottoms, his hair still messy from the previous night's sleep, and held out his arms for Harry, his face displaying everything he felt for Harry but couldn't yet put into words.

Harry felt his composure snap a little at that and felt a hot, prickly tear run down his face. Seamus pulled him into a hug, squeezing him close far too tightly for it to be anything romantic, it felt almost like he was trying to physically hold Harry together.

He felt the tears begin to fall more freely but could barely understand why.

Several minutes passed in silence like that before Harry finally felt composed enough to ask. "What did you call me last night?"

Seamus loosened his hold on Harry slightly. "I didn't catch a word of that."

"What did you call me last night?" Harry repeated.

Seamus sighed and Harry felt the other boy's whole body move with the breath. "Of course that's what you remember."

"It came back to me when I was thinking about being in that bathroom."

Seamus was silent for a minute. "I s'pose it translates to my darlin', me Granda used to use it- momhuirnín." He said, as though he was testing the word. "Yeah, I'd say its darlin'."

"I like it."

"Hmm… thought you might, didn't think you'd remember though did I?" He pressed a tender kiss to Harrys forehead and squeezed him tight for a few more seconds before releasing him. "Better?"

Embarrassed Harry wiped his eyes with he back of his hand and said. "A bit, I don't know what came over me then. Sorry."

Seamus shook his head in a way Harry could have sworn was almost annoyance. "Please don't apologise. You're allowed to have a cry in the bathroom first thing on a Saturday morning… actually I'd say that was more of a Sunday cry but I'll let you have that one. You've made a big deal about me being able to talk to people about the Chamber and have those feelings, you do know that the same is true for you too, right?"

The look Seamus gave him was so earnest Harry started to feel a bit tearful again. "I'm probably just tired."

"Course you are and you had way too much to drink last night and you've just had a feckin' freak out about us getting attacked and killed in Hogsmeade. Harry, we're safe here who'd dare come for you in Hogsmeade? Don't you think the fact it's bothered you so much means that you're entitled to have some fun and not be 'Harry Potter' for a minute?"

"I'm not drinking again." Harry said with a tone of finality. If someone got hurt and he'd been drinking he'd always wonder if there was something he could have done to stop it. He couldn't bare that pressure on top of everything else.

Seamus shrugged. "That's fine- drink, don't drink, whatever you're happy with. What time do you have practice?"

Harry was taken aback by the sudden change in topic and it took him a minute to formulate an answer. "Uh, eight. Why?"

"You've got two hours. Let's go back to bed for an hour, I'll come with you for breakfast at seven."

Harry rubbed his eyes, in that moment he couldn't think of a single place on earth he'd rather be. "That would be perfect."

Wordlessly Seamus led Harry back into the dormitory. Seamus' bed was still warm from the night before and as they climbed in Seamus murmured, "C'mere you daft sod," and pulled Harry tight against his chest.

Harry rolled his down and softly kissed Seamus' upper arm, the only part of the other boy's body he could reach whilst being held from behind. "Thank you."

OOOOO

An hour later Seamus shook Harry awake and whispered. "How are you feeling?"

Harry rolled onto his back, he almost couldn't remember why he'd been so upset in the bathroom earlier. He felt a dull sense of dread in the back of his mind when he thought about the possible consequences of the previous night's activities, but he couldn't really recall why he'd been crying.

"Better." Harry murmured. "Sorry about before."

Seamus rested his chin on Harry's shoulder and said. "You really don't have to apologise."

Still on his back and staring up at the canopy above the bed, Harry reached up and threaded his fingers through Seamus' hair. "Merlin, I'm such a dick. My parents are going to kill me when the papers get delivered."

"I don't think getting drunk and being photographed by a national newspaper puking up against a wall would even make the top ten most stupid things you've done."

"I really love the way you emphasised national there, you're doing an excellent job of making my decisions sound really stupid." He pulled Seamus' face down to his and pressed their lips together, pleased that he'd brushed his teeth earlier when he'd gotten up.

Seamus leant back as the kiss broke but kept his hand on Harry's face. "It doesn't hurt for you to be humbled every now and again- I mean you're Harry Potter."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you were in my shoes." Harry grumbled, silently trying to convince himself that it was time to get up and dressed.

Instead of getting up Harry leant into Seamus' hand on his face and closed his eyes, enjoying the other boy's touch.

"Just think, it could have been so much worse."

"Y'know you're a bit rubbish at this comforting stuff… I know how much worse it could have been - you don't need to remind me." Harry said lightly. The thought of how much worse his drunken antics last night could have been prompted him to push himself up and out of bed, he needed to see how things were with the rest of the team and make sure he really hadn't let something slip to any of them. "I'm not sure the team would be too bothered if they knew." Harry mused aloud. He was fairly certain that Jones was a lesbian and he knew that Wood and Cedric were more or less homosexual, Ginny knew about him and seemed to think the Twins wouldn't care, so really only Davies and Montague were likely to have a problem with him.

"About me not comforting you properly?"

Harry rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the small, fond smile begin to form in the corners of his mouth. "You think you're so funny don't you?"

Seamus propped himself further up in bed and slowly as though to over exaggerate that he was trying to tease Harry, he raised a questioning eyebrow.

"You're just not even funny." Harry felt his cheeks heat up. Something about they way Seamus was laying in bed combined with his shit sense of humour, pointlessly pretending to misunderstand an Harry's musings was so adorable Harry could feel himself becoming slightly flustered.

Harry pulled Seamus' duvet up above the other boy's head, in an attempt to get Seamus to stop looking at him like that, and tucked it in under his shoulders.

Harry rolled on top of Seamus, pinning him under the blanket.

"Ooof." Came Seamus' muffled response from under Harry.

With all the time he spent training Harry suspected that he was likely stronger than Seamus, however Seamus was heavier.

Before Harry even realised what was happening Seamus had rolled them both over, using all his weight and giving Harry no chance to resist.

Harry found himself suddenly pressed into the mattress by Seamus and, despite being significantly taller than the other boy, he felt dwarfed by the breadth of his shoulders.

Harry swore and attempted to wriggle free from under the other boy.

Seamus leant in close and whispered, his voice deep, "You're being too loud. You'll wake the others." Harry's entire body seemed to react as Seamus' breath tickled his ear.

"Shit, Shay, let me go." Harry tried to be forceful with the instruction but his voice would only come out in a hoarse whisper.

Seamus seemed to think Harry was teasing until he moved his hips so that they pressed hard against Harrys. He froze, his eyes widening slightly as he glanced down. "Uh… Is that…"

Harry wasn't sure his face could get any more red. They'd been sharing a bed for several months, they were teenaged boys and obviously they'd both been turned on by each other. There had been moments where in the heat of a moment they'd pressed up against each other but usually a slight tilt of the hips was enough to avoid too much contact.

There was no chance of avoiding contact now though. Seamus was laid flat on top of Harry, pinning him down with his groin pressed against Harrys. Thank fuck for the duvet, Harry thought.

Neither boy moved for several seconds. Clearly, Seamus was as aroused as Harry but they'd never discussed anything like this. Harry wasn't sure how they should proceed, and apparently neither did Seamus.

Harry could feel Seamus' breath on his neck as the other boy closed his eyes tightly before swearing and pushing himself up and off Harry.

Harry let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding as a combination of relief and disappointment washed over him.

"Uh… I'm gonna get dressed… in the bathroom. We'll go down for breakfast after, yeah?" Seamus didn't meet Harry's eyes as he gathered his clothes together and hurried out of the bedroom.

OOOOO

"So, are we going to talk about it?" Harry asked as he and Seamus sat down next to each other in the almost empty Great Hall.

Seamus sighed and began spooning porridge into his and Harry's bowls as Harry poured them tea from the teapot which had appeared in front of them as they'd sat down for breakfast.

"Isn't this a conversation best had in private?"

Harry looked over his shoulder to survey the room. There were three students at the Ravenclaw table at the opposite side of the hall, two others at the Gryffindor table and one person sitting alone at the Slytherin table. The only teachers currently on duty in the hall were Professor Binns and Professor Sprout. The latter was sitting at the staff table with Wood and Jones whilst Binns floated in the doorway leading out to the Entrance Hall.

Harry shrugged, keen to get through with this talk and have a clearer idea of how Seamus was feeling. "I think we'll be fine, half the school were out in Hogsmeade last night. The only students who have any reason to be up this early are on the Hogwarts team and they were all still drinking when we left town, except for Ginny who will always go for extra sleep over breakfast."

Seamus handed Harry his bowl of porridge and glanced over his shoulder as though to double check that no one was around. "Well I suppose you now know that that basilisk fang only damaged by balls, not my dick." Seamus said in a light tone which, might have convinced Harry that the other boy wasn't feeling uncomfortable if he hadn't known him so well.

"I suppose so." Harry said, trying to keep his tone as calm and light as Seamus', he'd learnt a lot more than that about Seamus through the duvet this morning. "Look Shay… I don't want to. I-" Harry groaned aloud as he tried to grapple for the right words. This was going to be an awkward conversation, he desperately wanted to come across as casual and smooth and grown-up but every time he opened his mouth it felt like he was just a horny teenager pretending to be an adult, which admittedly he was.

"I don't know about this stuff. I've never done it before, maybe it gets less embarrassing when you get older and more mature, I don't know." Harry could feel his cheeks burning as he spoke. Everything he knew about gay sex he'd learnt from porn magazines and a couple of books Hermione had managed to get her hands on for him. He wondered if he'd die from embarrassment asking Wood or Cedric about it. "We've both said a couple of times that we're not comfortable… y'know going all the way. I've got these magazines Sirius sent me and I'm nowhere near ready for some of that stuff, but you seemed kind of ready for something this morning. I'm just not sure that y'know…" Harry lowered his voice and whispered, "sex is completely all or nothing here."

"So you want… something instead of nothing?" Seamus asked his expression completely unreadable as he surveyed Harry. "Usually you're a lot more candid when you talk about things your body does, maybe it's because you're famous you don't really have the same sense of privacy as normal people. It's not like you to be so indirect, the whole dormitory knows about your shitting habits."

Harry scoffed and felt the need to immediately correct Seamus. "I'm really not famous." He tested his porridge, which was too warm, and added a splash of milk.

"Something seemed different this morning." Seamus pointed out. "Usually I get the impression that you're trying to protect my… virtue?" He laughed at Harry's appalled expression and continued. "You know what I mean. You're considerate of my boundaries, maybe too considerate. You really don't think I'm so oblivious that I haven't realised that you always wait for me to make the first move?" Seamus raised an eyebrow.

Harry blushed, he had in fact thought that Seamus hadn't realised that Harry usually let Seamus instigate all of the physical contact they had. Seamus was fragile, he'd never really recovered from what had happened in the Chamber of Secrets and Harry was sure he wasn't really comfortable with the fact that he was attracted to men.

He ate a few spoonfuls of his porridge whilst he thought of a response, feeling as though he had been just a tiny bit caught out by Seamus. "I just don't want to put you in a position where you feel not in control."

Harry felt the side of Seamus' hand brush against his as the other boy stretched out his fingers to lightly touch Harry's. "And what about the stuff I said before? Usually when things happen between us, when we're kissing and stuff you're mostly in control but you seemed to freak out a bit earlier. What was that about?"

"I was caught by surprise. You were on top of me, there was absolutely no way to 'protect your virtue' as you so romantically put it and then you whispered in my ear. Merlin Shay, I don't wan't to be crass but that made me really hard. I honestly just didn't see it coming. It kinda felt like the feeling was mutual though."

Seamus pulled a face that looked to Harry, to be a mixture of embarrassment and satisfaction. "I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I had my wand in my pyjama pocket or anything but-"

Harry interrupted Seamus with the most undignified snort of laughter he'd ever let out in his life. He'd just taken a sip of tea to wash his porridge down and the whole lot came spewing out of his nose. It wasn't that Seamus' comment had been particularly funny but the fact that made a comment so potentially indecent in reference to their relationship caught Harry off guard.

He wiped his face clean on a napkin off the table, all the while trying to muffle his giggles and apologise profusely to Seamus at the same time.

"That was fucking mingin'." Seamus said, looking slightly affronted by Harry's explosive response to his comment.

"You're telling me, I can only apologise that you had to witness it." Harry blew his nose heavily in the napkin, hoping to clear out some of the oats which seemed to be caked to the inside of his nose.

"Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I see in you." Seamus said with a long, exaggerated eye roll as he shuffled half an inch away from Harry and his dirty napkin.

"I know, I know, I'm a complete liability." Harry said, with a long suffering sigh. "If I wasn't so handsome you wouldn't touch me with a ten foot broomstick."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong. It's not your looks, I'm in it for the money." He rubbed his thumb against his index and middle fingers and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Just to be clear though, you do think I'm handsome?"

"Your looks are a bonus, like when you find a galleon in your coat pocket that you forgot you'd left there." Seamus grinned and Harry felt his heart flutter a little bit. Thanks to his physical attraction to and constant worry about Seamus' mental well being, Harry sometimes forgot just how much he liked Seamus' company. They'd been best friends before they were boyfriends and sometimes Harry felt like he needed to be reminded of that, things could get awkward between them at times because of the developing sexual side of their relationship. It was nice to have a reminder that they had been and were still best friends.

"Ooh, that is a treat. I'm hardly going to complain about being compared to that now am I?"

"Well I wouldn't. It's like being told you're the human equivalent of getting to a lesson late and realising that the teacher isn't there yet."

"You're full of compliments today. Seamus, you're like when you go to a muggle vending machine and you get two chocolate bars instead of one."

"That is a decent compliment, but I'd say I'd rather find a forgotten galleon. They're not quite equivalent."

"Let's face it though mate, you're definitely punching."

Seamus stared at Harry with a completely unreadable, wide eyed stare.

Harry started back for what couldn't have been more than five seconds but felt like five minutes, before he finally broke. "I shouldn't have said that should I?" Seamus didn't respond and Harry hurriedly continued. "You know I don't think you're punching, don't you? You're pretty and kind and clever and charming and loyal."

"Any more adjectives you want to add?"

"I can come up with some if you want."

"Should I be worried that you always call me pretty first? Is that like my best trait and everything else is secondary?"

"I mean you are very pretty."

"Aren't you lucky to have me?" Seamus asked Harry with a small smirk and an upwards twitch of his eyebrow.

"Go on…" Harry said, glancing up at Seamus and raising an eyebrow. For a second he really thought he'd upset Seamus by joking that he was punching above his weight by going out with him. Seamus had really had him worried for a second and maybe, perhaps if Harry had made the comment on a fragile Seamus day, rather than on this particular fragile Harry morning, it might have caused some tension.

"Harry, mo mhuirnín," Seamus began in his most formal sounding voice. "I would never suggest that you were batting above you're average or any other such comment. You know why?" Harry raised both eyebrows at Seamus and let out a sigh, tilting to indicate that Seamus should continue. "I wouldn't say that Harry, because I am not a dick."

"I know. It was very unkind and I'm very sorry." Harry intoned his tone as flat and unapologetic as he could get it.

"I think to make it up to me I'd like you to tell me more reasons why you think I'm not punching above my weight."

Harry flashed Seamus an amused grin and licked his lips. "Well Seamus, my love." Harry imitated Seamus' tone. "If you recall your comment earlier, about not having your wand in your pocket. Had I not so rudely interrupted you by performing my famous porridge-through-the-nose trick, I might have said that I was well aware that it was not your wand. Perhaps, if you were a Beater on the Hogwarts team I might have mistaken it for-"

Harry wasn't sure he'd ever seen Seamus' cheeks so pink in his life. "Fuck, stop. You win. I shouldn't have called you a dick."

"Speaking of dicks…" Harry said slowly, giving Seamus a smirk.

The corner of Seamus' lips twitched upwards and Harry watched him press them together as though to stop himself from smiling. "Stop, please."

Harry spooned the last of his porridge into his mouth, feeling a warm glow in his chest which he imagined could have produced the brightest patronuses ever if he'd been so inclined to try. He'd woken up this morning feeling so sad and it felt now like Seamus had made everything better.

"Well this has been absolutely delightful." Harry said with complete sincerity. "Will you come down to the pitch for a bit?"

Seamus tilted his head and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Isn't that a bit… gay, going on my own? Only girlfriends sit in the stands and watch quidditch practices."

Harry shrugged and drank the last of his tea. "I mean… gay? The team's not going to suspect anything. You don't have to come if you don't want. If you do, you could bring homework or wait for Hermione to get up and bring her down."

Seamus tapped his fingers on the table as he seemed to weigh up the pros and cons of coming out to watch Harry fly. "Go on then, it looks like the weather's going to be grand and I really do enjoy seeing you in your quidditch uniform."

"Well, the whole team is pretty fit, feel free to come down to the pitch and ogle everyone, I promise I won't get jealous."

As they stood up and set off towards the Entrance Hall, Seamus nudged Harry with his elbow. "Since we're being so open this morning and you've just said yourself that everyone on your team is fit… If you could pick anyone off the team who would it be?"

Harry grinned at the unexpected question and pretended to think about it. "I'd probably choose Davies." Harry said slowly, pretending to still ponder, the last thing he wanted was for Seamus to know that he'd had that answer lined up and ready to go as soon as the question left the other boys mouth. "What about you?"

Seamus didn't hesitate. "Obviously you."

Harry rolled his eyes and elbowed him again playfully, still feeling a small thrill after almost six months together that Seamus had actually chosen him. "Obviously you'd pick me but that's not fair. Who else on the team would you choose?"

"I'm almost tempted to say Cedric, but I still can't properly forgive him for being your first kiss. So probably Weasley."

Harry's eyebrows went up at that, he had not been expecting that answer. "Which one?"

Seamus shrugged only averting his eyes slightly as he blushed. "Honestly, I don't know, all three of them are attractive."

"Well, now I don't know how to feel about you taking Ginny to the Yule Ball. Should I be jealous?"

"Maybe, if you weren't so stunningly attractive yourself."

"True. Although, you're not wrong about the Weasleys. It's not like they're stunning or anything-"

"Except Bill." Seamus interrupted.

"Well yeah, Bill's fit. But the others are all weirdly attractive too- not like Bill but still."

"I don't know if it's really insensitive for me to be even thinking it, never mind asking, but…" Seamus hesitated.

Harry knew what Seamus was suggesting but he wasn't entirely sure what the answer to his unasked question was. They'd left the castle and were walking down the hill towards the Quidditch pitches, from their position by the school Harry could just see the area by the forbidden forrest where he and Percy had spent so much time together the previous year.

"Honestly I don't know." Harry said after a long silence. "Sometimes when I think about Perce, I think I might have fancied him. I sometimes wonder what might have happened if he hadn't been killed, but I don't know if that's just feelings I've made up since he died. I mean I loved him… not like I love you, but he was really important to me. It was probably that standard 'crush on your best friend's brother' cliché."

Seamus' hand tentatively brushed the back of Harry's. "I'm sorry."

Harry hated the fact that they couldn't risk something so small has holding hands in public, not when so many eyes were already permanently focused on Harry, scrutinising his every move.

"I'm not sure what you're apologising for."

"I don't think we ever talked about how how you were after what happened at the World Cup, not after everything with You-Know-Who and the fact that Ron and Ginny lost their brother. You were pretty close to Percy and no one ever really talked about how you saw one of your best friends killed." Seamus stopped walking and grabbed Harry by the bicep, twisting him so that they were stood face to face. "I'm so sorry I let you down. You lost a close friend and I should have done more to support you."

Harry felt himself begin to tear up and pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes. Seamus' earnest voice and the look of absolute sincerity on his face was almost too much for him. "You're fucking trying to make me cry again, aren't you?" He put his hand over Seamus' hand which was still holding his arm and gave it a small squeeze. He then turned away to face the Qudditch pitch and ran a hand through his hair. He took a deep breath, "Fuck me, it's been an emotional day, hasn't it? It's not even eight o'clock yet."

"That's what you get for being such a pisshead, its all part of the package when you drink so much."

"Well that's me never drinking again, isn't it. I wish we weren't at school, like at my house or yours and we could go back up to a room that's just for us two."

Seamus smiled almost dreamily. "We could build a den out of pillows and blankets and spend the whole day cuddle up together watching videos."

As they walked the rest of the way down to the Quidditch pitch they continued making plans of all of the things they'd do if they could just shut themselves away from the rest of the world for a day.

OOOOO

Harry and Ginny were the first to arrive at practice. They were both fully dressed in their whole Quidditch kits by the time the rest of the team appeared in the dressing room, each looking progressively worse for wear until Davis staggered in at the back of the group, green faced and barely conscious.

What followed was the team's worst practice to date.

Practice had to be stopped on three separate occasions for members of the team to return to the ground in order to throw up.

As the practice progressed, long past the planned end time of the session, they began losing players to the infirmary. Fred and George were barely able to hold their bats, let alone swing them and hit a blunger, and the team suffered massively as a result. Ironically, Fred was the first member of the team sent to the Hospital Wing, after taking a bludger to the head and being knocked from his broom, which was thankfully only hovering twelve feet above the ground.

George, Montague and Ginny soon joined him in the hospital wing with various injuries, thanks to the frankly dangerous flying of the hungover team members, and with over half of the team missing Jones and Wood reluctantly called an end to the practice.

Back in the dressing room, Harry, Cedric and Davies received a dressing down from Wood for not having enough respect for the game to turn up to practice in the correct state.

"So it's probably a big no to a bit of the old 'hair of the dog' to sort us out then?" Cedric asked teasingly, turning to Davies as soon as Wood left the room.

"Not if we want to 'respect the game' tomorrow." Davies said rolling his eyes. "I didn't know anyone could take a sports game so seriously."

Harry and Cedric shared a look, it was easy to forget that Davies and Montague had no previous experience Oliver Wood's particular obsession with Quidditch.

"That was tame for Oliver. He can be a bit of nutter when it comes to Quidditch. He loves the game more than he loves anything else." Cedric said to Davies before turning away to face to Harry as he hurriedly changed the subject. "I've got to say, I'm impressed by how well you're looking after last night. You were certainly putting them away once we got to the Hog's Head."

"I'm not too surprised, you sent him back to the school early and he's still pretty young. Hangovers get worse as you age." Davies said, having to sit on a bench to take his knee pads off.

Harry felt slightly affronted at being called young, even looking as rough as he did right then Davies was fit, and Harry didn't like the thought of him thinking of him as young.

"At least you left before you could make too much of an idiot of yourself," Davies continued. "I think Montague tried it on with every Beauxbaton girl out last night, and was caught by Snape this morning trying to sneak one out of the dormitory. Fred tried to headbutt a tree he thought was starting on him and Diggory, over there, tried to break into the post office to send a love letter he'd written, I assume to Chang, on a used napkin."

Harry raised an eyebrow as Davies recounted Cedric's antics from the night before. He wondered whether Cedric had in fact been trying to send a love letter to Chang or whether the intended recipient was Wood. It made him wonder how awkward being told off by Wood had been for Cedric.

"I got photographed by the Daily Prophet, puking outside the Three Broomsticks." Harry confessed to distracting himself from from the second hand embarrassment he was beginning to feel on behalf of Cedric after their telling off from Wood.

There was silence in the changing room for several seconds before Cedric said. "Does… um, have you warned your uncle that this happened? This could potentially get you in a lot of trouble."

Harry shrugged, "It could have been worse, Seamus said you made me leave before I… made a fool of myself. Thanks."

"It's what friends do, just like how George and Roger stopped me from stealing an owl to post that ill thought-out letter. Still, I'm not entirely sure that it could have been worse for you- you were photographed by the Daily Prophet."

It wasn't the first time, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. He supposed he was just fortunate he was only famous in the wizarding world, he might not be able to walk down Diagon Alley without being recognised but at least he could go out into the muggle world unnoticed. No one walking down Oxford Street would care if they bumped into Harry Potter.

Harry shrugged. "There's nothing like a national newspaper grassing on to your parents for underaged drinking."

"I'm sure you could floo your parents to pre-warn them." Cedric offered.

Harry considered that. Uncle Vernon and Dudley would be arriving at Hogwarts on Tuesday to watch the final match against Beauxbaton. If Harry could avoid Severus until then he could potentially avoid punishment all together. Aunt Petunia would be feeling guilty that she couldn't come to school and Uncle Vernon would be too impressed by Hogwarts to immediately tell Harry off. If Harry wasn't punished by either of his parents, surely Severus would have to defer to their judgement and let Harry off too?

"I think I'm just going to try and get away with it." Harry said with a shrug, unfastening his boots and pulling them off. "It'll probably be fine."

Harry took off his leggings and got to his feet, standing barefoot on the cool tiled floor. The world span slightly as he stood and Harry put his hand on the bench to steady himself. Once the world had righted itself Harry let go of the bench and stood up straight.

"I'm never drinking again." Harry grumbled as he tried to wrestle himself out of his robes. He might not be in as bad a state as the others but the dizziness and weepiness were enough to put him off.

Cedric chuckled dryly. "How many times have you said that so far today Roger?"

"I couldn't even tell you, fuck me though. My stomach feels like I've swallowed the Whomping Willow." Davies pushed himself to his feet and staggered slightly, one hand on his abdomen. "I'm going to the Prefect's bathroom, I think I need a bath with those lemon bubbles right now."

Harry had no idea what that meant but from the look of mixed approval and jealousy on Cedric's face the lemon bubbles in the Prefect's bathroom must be something special.

"I wish I'd thought of that first, that would be amazing right now."

"Any other time I'd invite both of you to come share the bath, but I can't go in a bathroom with anyone else right now, my stomach would let me down. I don't think either of you would look at me the same way again."

Cedric glanced at Harry as Davies left the changing room. "That offer to share a bath isn't as weird as it sounds. The bath in the Prefect's bathroom is massive."

Harry gave Cedric a look which told the other boy exactly how he'd feel about sharing a bath with Davies. "Now I think about it, the Prefect's would be a good place for alone time. Seamus took Hermione swimming there earlier this year when I had my accident. I hadn't thought of taking him there."

Cedric blushed a dark red and averted his eyes from Harry's.

"No way. You're kidding?" Harry had started to pull his robes off over his head as Cedric had blush and had to lower his arms back below his shoulders to peer over the top of his robes. "The Prefect's bathroom? That's where- no. That makes so much sense!"

Harry pulled his robes off over his head and reached for his towel. He wasn't sure why he felt so gleeful at the thought of Cedric and Wood getting together in the Prefect's bathroom.

He'd felt the same kind of elation when he'd seen two men holding hands at Flamingo Land during the summer, although that elation had been followed quickly by panic as he'd tried to prevent his family from noticing them the whole time they'd been there. He hadn't understood why he felt that way at the time, both the elation and the panic. He supposed he'd likely feel the same way again if something similar happened this summer. Just the thought of a member of his family seeing a gay couple and making a negative comment about them made him feel ill.

He wondered whether there would ever be a point in his future where he would be able to hold Seamus' hand outside in public.

"Can I ask you a question about you and Wood?"

Cedric sat down on the bench and gave Harry an uncertain look. "Is this going to be a sex question? I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking to you about that… especially since you're only wearing your pants. It seems inappropriate."

"I'm about to have a shower." Harry said with a shrug, holding up his towel in illustration of his point. "Anyway it wasn't about sex… Although if you'd be willing to answer some questions at a later date, I haven't really been able to get my hands on a lot of literature on gay sex- other than porn. I just wanted to know if you ever imagined having a future with Wood."

"I never thought we'd stay together forever." Cedric said, reaching for a flask of water from his kit bag. "We weren't really in a relationship, he was never my boyfriend or anything. I did, once or twice, imagine us being together, but never properly. I'm with Cho now and I can imagine a future with her."

Harry bit his tongue, he didn't want to argue with Cedric about his relationship with Chang. If Chang and Cedric were wanted to be together, did Chang really need to know that Cedric and Wood had been together at the Yule ball?

It made Harry wonder whether secrets always needed to be told. After all, he had no intentions of ever telling Ron that his wand had been used to kill Percy.

Harry was uncertain about how he felt about Cedric and Chang. He'd disapproved when he'd first found out about them and now he wasn't sure if, after all of his outrage, he could change his opinion on them.

Conflicted and slightly confused, Harry chose to ignore that Chang had been mentioned at all. "I know you don't exactly agree with me 'choosing' to have a gay relationship, but do you think Seamus and I will ever be able to be open about our relationship? Will I be able to hold his hand outside?"

"I don't know Harry. I can't tell you that it's all going to be okay, because it won't. People will be disgusted, you'll lose friends and possibly family if you make your relationship public. But, if anyone in our world could make a relationship like yours work it's Harry Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes, of course Harry Potter could do it. At least, he supposed, when he let the Wizarding world down by coming out as gay it would be Harry Potter who let them down, not Harry. None of them know Harry, the real Harry. He'd have that to hide behind if it came down to it.

He supposed the real question, the question he'd never voiced aloud was whether he would be able to have a future at all. It was all academic to ask about a future with Seamus when, with Voldemort back, Harry likely didn't have any future to look forward to.