Punch. Kick. Punch. Punch. Kick.
"Come on kitten, liven up a little! You're going to get thrown to the side with ease if you keep this kind of sloppy work up!" Pixie-Bob taunted as Izuku barely paid attention to his half-hearted blows. He put a little more force into the next.
He just accepted the dirt when he fell. What was the point in catching himself?
"Come on, you can do better than that!" Pixie-Bob was too energetic. He pushed himself up and dodged a kick barely without meaning to, just wanting this to be over. After his anger had faded the day before, after Kota had cut into that raw wound, and Tooru's decision to run… something had been cracking.
Cracking.
Cracking.
And it had finally shattered.
Izuku thought he'd been tired before. Now, now he couldn't bring himself to even be surprised he could be more tired, it was too much energy. Why was he training? What was the point?
How could he help anyone when he only made things worse? He wasn't a hero. Heroes didn't kill things like he did.
Who was he?
"…Alright, kid, time for a break." Pixie-Bob frowned, straightening up. He just grunted quietly in acknowledgment. He was too tired to wonder if his face was still red and raw from the crying, and the lying face down on his bed being unable to sleep.
Pixie-Bob sighed, doing some hand signs to someone else before walking off. A moment later, a cautious Aizawa appeared.
"Long night?" He asked simply. Izuku just grunted again. He sighed. "Right."
He wasn't a hero. He couldn't help people.
"…Is All Might going to be coming." Why was he still trying? He shook his head. Just… help. Although giving up sounded so much easier- No, he couldn't break. He couldn't… "Or is it just you and Vlad King."
"It's just us." Aizawa grunted as he turned and nodded to the class. "Think about it. He's priority target number one for most villains we know want to attack the school. We have to be careful, so only select members of staff even know the camp is out here."
"So we're all safe at least." He mumbled quietly, pretending to be put at ease. Aizawa nodded and he sighed. What did it matter if he was safe? He'd probably be dead before next year anyways.
"Precisely, as much as you can be anyways. Now, I don't know what's the matter with you but if you keep being so sluggish then you'll be making the attempts to keep you all safe seem like something you just want to insult." Aizawa tried to motivate. He was bad at it. Izuku would feel worse if he wasn't so tired.
"Right. Why is there no Shadow Walk training, by the way?"
"We figured it would be best for your head if we didn't force you to train with a power that messes with it right now."
"Okay." He pretended to care. What else could he do?
Maybe next time he got knocked out by Pixie-Bob he wouldn't wake up. That would be peaceful.
He gritted his teeth slightly, a slight flicker of determination briefly shined through, trying to tell him he couldn't give up like that.
The tiredness overwhelmed it completely a second later.
Izuku wasn't sure when training ended.
When lunch began, when he told Kyoka he couldn't talk, not today.
When he finally reached this spot, leaning against a tree away from 1-A and 1-B while trying to ignore the Pussycats over enthusiastic cheering, with Pixie going on and on about what they'd done.
He overheard Ashido and Kaminari yelling about a test of courage or something that would have made him scoff if he had the energy.
He barely shifted when Aizawa's capture tape shot past him to tie up the remedial students for lessons, just sighing when he watched them get pulled off. He really just wanted to join them, sneak into bed and just wait until the next day or at least get more training out the way.
No one wanted him here. He was just going to ruin things again. He looked down, trying to ignore those thoughts creeping up. He shouldn't let the tiredness and self-loathing win.
But was it loathing if it was the truth?
He barely paid attention as they explained how 1-A would be going in pairs while 1-B was hiding ready to scare them. He took his tag when it was offered to him and may have even been a tad relieved when he realized he was on his own.
He wondered if Kyoka and Tooru being paired up together was something intentional on the Pussycats part. He shook his head, turning ahead. It wasn't the thing to be focusing on.
He ignored the commotion of his class, the way they all squabbled over pairings, how Tokoyami kept repeating that weird "Revelry in the dark" phrase and just silently hoped this would be over soon.
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
Izuku's eyes slowly opened up as his nose twitched. What was that smell?
…Burning? In a forest?
….Burning in a forest?!
His eyes snapped fully open as he stood up, straight, just in time to see he wasn't the only one who had noticed it. He must have dozed off, but what the hell had he missed?
Massive plumes of smoke obstructed the night sky and the blue lights of massive fires illuminated the area. Forest fires.
Blue forest fires. That wasn't natural. Someone had set them alight with a quirk?
What kind of scare was that meant to be?
….
….!
Not the kind students with any sense would pull. But if you were trying to sow chaos, if you wanted to scare people and cause destruction….
"EIIIIIIIIEEE!"
"PIXIE!"
Izuku whirled around to see the blonde pussycat had been enveloped by a pink aura and rushed back into- CRACK!
His face paled as he spotted them. Villains.
Another villain attack.
One had just cracked Pixie-Bob's head open with a pillar, blood gushing out of it. Fear. Panic. Anger. Worry.
He should have been feeling those things. His mind disappeared into white noise instead. When did his body start moving? Was he even controlled anymore?
Was he going to try and help (screw things up) again?
A single thought got through the haze. 'Kota.'
He understood why he was running now. He didn't think it made a difference.
He should have stayed and made sure everyone else was safe. His body was already moving. Was he using his powers? The trees were turning into blurs. When did he reach the mountain base?
He climbed up to the top. He didn't know what else to do. He heard voices. Far Reach had shot out and grabbed Kota, yanking him to the side as he landed. Who was this guy? How had his powers grabbed Kota before he even knew about the threat?
He mentioned something about a list but it didn't get past the rushing in his ears. He saw muscle fibers form on his arm. A fight. He was too tired for this, but he moved anyways.
He tried to stab his arm with Far Lance. It was grabbed and used to hit him into the ground before he was kicked into a wall. He groaned and stood up, using Full Cowling to launch forward and try to strike.
The punch landed. The villain didn't even flinch, angrily grabbing him and bringing his knee into Izuku's stomach, causing him to cough up blood before he was punched into the ground and kicked aside.
"….is the one… wanted? Pathetic…."
Izuku pushed himself up with a groan, only to be kicked into a wall again, grabbed by the shirt before repeatedly being slammed against it. He could taste blood as he was thrown head first into the ground, rolling over as the rushing in his ear faded into eerie silence, the only feeling for a moment being of the blood rushing down his face from the new wound in his head.
There was darkness in his vision.
Then the screaming agony of what had occurred hit him as his eyes began to water and he felt it. He felt it all. He couldn't block it out anymore. Everything began washing over him again as he flipped over, heaving.
The pain! The sadness! The fear, hatred, anger, betrayal! It hurt, it hurt, IT HURT, IT HURT!
Everything!
His breathing picked up and yet got more ragged at the same time, his body began to shake as choked sobs began to escape him, he could barely push himself to look up as he heard the villain pass, as he saw him pick Kota up.
The young boy's eyes filled with terror, inches from death. The villain laughed a cruel laugh as he held the boy inches from his face while looking at Izuku. "What's the matter, hero? Don't you want to save the brat? Just gonna let him die!?"
Izuku felt his whole world slow, his body freeze, everything felt so… wrong… so… pointless. His shaking got worse. The villain prepared for an attack but none came. All that came….
Was a broken, pained sob.
"I c-can't... I just..." Izuku sniffled, on his knees as blood ran down his head. He could probably take this guy with his Shadow Walk powers if he could just be bothered...
If he could just be bothered...
But how could he be? How could anything matter anymore? His friends thought he was insane, the girls he liked had gotten together on their own and he couldn't look either in the eye anymore. One of them probably hated him now! Entire cities thought he was some psychotic freak and they had 'evidence' to back up their points!
The demons would never stop coming... The abbey seemed immune to being brought down for all their sins and this stupid damn League of Villains seemed to be like a cockroach! They just wouldn't die!
Tears spilled more and more frantically from his eyes as his sobs got more shuddering and pained, unable to handle it as it all crashed into him painfully again, choked sounds escaping him. It was all coming to the surface, but he had no anger left anymore to scream...
He was just...
He was just so tired...
"Really? You're crying?! That's pathetic! I thought you were gonna save this runt?!"
What was the point anymore? No one thought he was a hero... Even All Might had looked at him before he left like he was a stranger. He gripped the ground tight as his sobs continued, his throat dry. Everything he worked towards was pointless...
Why did the Outsider even choose him? He didn't want any of this, he was never told ANY of this! He never AGREED TO ALL THIS PAIN!
Magical energy swirled within him as his eyes and mark began to glow they brightest they ever had, his chest heaving heavily as his fingers dragged through the dirt as he gripped tight, a single thought all he could think as he let out every last bit of pain into it.
"I just... I don't want this... I just want... I JUST WANT AWAY FROM IT ALL!"
And suddenly, there was a massive explosion of blue light, before Izuku exploded into thousands upon thousands of purple and black orbs that disappeared into nothing, leaving Kota and Muscular alone on the mountain.
Izuku crashed to his knees. Hard floor. Stone. Cold wind. He looked up as he shook painfully. The void. He saw a figure. Nana was giving him such a sad look as she stumbled over.
He tried to push forward. She ran and fell to her knees. He hadn't realized how much he missed hugs. He held on so tight as he clutched him like he was her last lifeline.
"It's okay, it's okay sweetie. I'm here, Nana's here. I've got you." She whispered softly, rubbing his back gently. He shuddered and she grazed her lips over his head as he felt more presences appear around him. The users. The ones more deserving than him.
"I'm s-sorry." He sounded as broken as he felt. Nana gripped tighter. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"If anyone is sorry, it is me." Izuku looked up to see the Outsider, for once in an entirely undignified position, on his knees to be eye level with Izuku rather than above him. Nana clutched him protectively, preventing the deity from coming any closer. "I pushed you to this point for your own gain, but I am the monster who hurt my own friend."
Izuku shook at that declaration. Friend? …Friend?
"I do not presume to think I deserve to speak to you anymore, but I can at least tell you that you have finally done it. You have finally discovered a power all of your own, that none have possessed before you. A power not limited by those who came before, entirely from your own strength." He let out a long sigh that seemed to echo around the void. "Orbing. A form of telekinesis and teleportation in one. I would explain more, but I do not need to. This is your power. You know what it is, and what to do."
"I don't… I don't-" His breathing picked up more panicked as he grabbed Aneko's sleeve who quickly wrapped another arm around him as tears fell down his face. "I don't know what to do! I don't know anything! I don't know who I am-"
"Izuku-"
"I'm not a hero! I'm not good! I don't help people! How can I be a hero if I kill people! I'm a monster! But I'm not cut out for this! I'm not g-good at this d-demon thing, this magic thing isn't me! I can't be both, but If I don't do the magic thing, then who will?!" He worried, unable to register what the other users were trying to say. "But if I do magic how can I be a hero?! I'm not… I don't know- I'm not a hero, I'm not a hero!"
"Yes you are!" Nana cut in, grabbing him tight. "You're still you!"
"I'm not! I'm not! I don't know! I don't-" His eyes shrunk as he fell forward, sobbing. "I don't know who I am! Who am I?!"
"Izuku-"
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I-"
"Izuku... You know who you are." Nana's soft voice spoke as her gentle lips brushed against his head, barely registering in his head as everything melted away into the confusing maelstrom of emotions, questions and crises inside.
Who am I... who am I... Who...
...
...
...
"HELP!"
Izuku's eyes cracked open, the tears gone. A determined look settled on his features. His Mark glowed blue, his eyes lit up as green sparks of electricity began to crackle off him. Things began to clear up in his mind.
An answer, right ahead of him.
"HELP! PLEASE!"
Back on the mountainside, a flurry of black and purple orbs appeared in the shape of a person, and a new person emerged. A changed person. A resolved person.
A person who knew….
'Who I am.'