POV: Alex
I held my breath, waiting for my heart to race, for the blood to pump. Holding it in for as long as I could, wanting to feel something. Then I would exhale, finally feeling relief surge throughout my body. I would take another breath, hold it in, counting the seconds in my head, wondering which one would be my last. Then I'd let it go, take another one, repeat. It went on for hours, the same routine which I was beginning to become accustomed to. But the feeling of relief, the feeling of being ok, was just too much to give up. I needed to feel something, something other than pain and suffering. If it meant my lungs stopped for a couple of seconds, it didn't matter.
A breath escaped my mouth, and right as I prepared another one, there was a frantic knocking at the dorm room door. Night had come a while ago, the sun on the other side of the world, lighting up someone else's life. Other than the knock which sounded more like tapping, the room was silent and quiet. Tired snores from my roommates, turning in beds, shifting of sheets. It was quiet and peaceful. Something I've wanted for so long, something I knew I wasn't going to get.
The knocking became louder, my ears perked up to the abrupt change in pace and force. Light whispers of wind blew through the slightly ajar window, causing a sudden shiver in my body. A constant thought of who or what was at the door pricked at my brain. The door was so close, just a couple steps away, but it was like my body was glued to the bed. Was it out of fear? Or just an unwillingness to answer? Still, I wondered why someone was up so late.
I pulled off the covers from my body, exposing it to the cold night air. Sleeping with clothes on was more comfortable than without, and I didn't want anyone to see my body if they were to wake me up. My legs pulled me towards the door, hand opening it with no hesitation. A tiny brown rabbit stood in front of me, one of her tiny hands balled into a fist to knock again, probably shocked to see a large wolf.
"I think you're in the wrong dorm building," I said, my voice low and gravely from being awoken from whatever slumber I thought I was in. The rabbit shook her head and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the room. I was surprised at the force she had and stumbled forward.
"You're the only one who's answered!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.
"Shh! You're gonna wake everyone else up!" I scolded in a whisper. She continued to pull me forward, farther down the hallway this time. "What's your problem?" I said, jerking my hand out of her grasp.
"Please!" she pleaded, desperately trying to reach for my hand again. "I didn't know who to go to, I need your help!" Her dark eyes held pain, like mine did. Pain I was so used to, almost like it manifested itself into reality, looming over her like a dark cloud.
"What do you mean you need my help? And why are you here in this dorm building specifically? I don't want you to get eaten," I said, kneeling down to meet her gaze.
"It's my friend," she said, tears pooling in her eyes. "Please...just follow me!" She raced off into the hallway and I followed suit, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into.
My fur bristled from the cold night air, wanting to keep the heat in. Another reminder that I was a wolf, and I was in my element. The rabbit had gone ahead, I knew I could keep up with her, but I decided that trailing behind her was better. I had no idea what she meant by "her friend" and if a rabbit was in the carnivore dorms at night, it couldn't have been a good sign.
"Please!" I heard her tiny voice again, this time much closer than I thought. "She's by the tennis courts!" She ran off into the distance and I followed, heart tightening from the lack of oxygen. I was never good at running, never liked it, never did it.
The brown rabbit in front of me fell to the ground, pounding her fists against the concrete as tears dripped onto the pavement. I caught up with her, breath catching in my lungs as I knelt down beside her. "Hey, are you ok?" I reached out my hand but she slapped it away.
"JUST GO FIND HER!" she screamed, wailing with sobs and terror as she collapsed onto the pavement, heaving into it. My heart picked up pace as I slowly backed away from her. Only then did I notice the tiny amount of red on her white night shirt. Only then did I take a second to sniff the air, to really sniff it, to really find something out of the ordinary. The familiar metallic scent hit my nose like a bullet.
I swallowed hard. "What happened?" I said towards the rabbit who was crying on the ground. I didn't want a response, or maybe I did. I didn't know. I was scared to know the truth, scared to hear anything from her.
"Please," she whispered, so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Please go find her."
My body stiffened up and I raced towards the tennis courts. Trees past me, benches, street lamps. The only comforting thing about the whole scene was the moon in the full. My lungs moved at rapid speed, keeping me alive with life giving oxygen and whatever else was in the air. My fists were clenched so hard, eyes were opening and closing, not wanting to see the truth of anything.
I followed the metallic scent to the tennis courts. It was horrible, the smell was everywhere, washing over me in all its unfathomable glory. My throat tensed up as I pushed open the metal doors of the tennis courts, my feet walking over the green paint on the ground. The white lines were stained a crimson red, and the smell only got worse as I pushed forward.
This isn't happening…this can't be happening.
My night vision was in full bloom, but I wished it wasn't. I never wanted to see anything like it, never wanted to be a part of someone's sick and twisted game. I knew if I pushed forward, I knew if I were to continue, I would be the one held responsible. My body wouldn't let me walk forward, but I needed to. Just a couple of steps would've done the trick, but all I could do was stare at the mess of an animal before me.
My hands trembled, anxiety surrounded me like a dense forest. I could walk one direction and I wouldn't be out, I could run for as long as I wanted, but I would never escape. I was back against a wall, tripping over breakdowns and mental gymnastics to get myself out of this situation. But there was nothing I could do, there wasn't anything I could say. The news headliners would tell the world everything they needed to know, whether it was true or fake didn't matter to them.
A bunny rabbit, white and pure, was laid on the ground. Her fur was colored red, a hand over her side. Her breathing was shallow, quiet and almost nonexistent. I walked closer, my nocturnal eyes scanning over her entire body. She had a large piece missing out of her side, blood rushed out onto the ground beneath her. Her grey shirt was red, everything about her was red. My teeth gritted as my mind put the pieces together.
"Hey," I said as I knelt beside her, using the most comforting voice I could. I knew she didn't have enough time, but what could I do? Her tiny eyes locked onto mine, and a sad smile which crushed my heart, came across her face. I moved my hand over to her side and she winced in pain, her eyes shooting up into the sky. Her body was barely keeping itself alive.
Who did this to you?
I needed to be calm, panicking wasn't going to work. I needed to be the animal I always was. A wolf who faked his happiness, a wolf who was calm. I pushed the feelings down as far as they could go, wanting to feel numb. I pushed them so far, so down deep, that eventually, after all the pain, they were gone. I could only take so much, until I had enough. But they were gone now, and my brain was thinking clearly.
The date with Steven was gone, the happiness with Jordan was gone. I felt nothing, and nothing felt good.
I tore off my shirt, wind rushing through my fur, and wrapped it around the rabbit. I needed to slow the bleeding as much as I could. My large hands came around her and picked her up, she didn't seem to care at all. Her eyes were glossy. There wasn't much time.
She was cradled in my arms, breathing slowly. I swallowed again, took a deep breath, then ran. It was a scene which would've made any bystander suspicious. A wolf with a bloody rabbit, cradled in his arms.
My legs burned as I ran through the school, making sure to keep my steps light and gentle as to not rock the rabbit. I avoided every single possible thing I could, taking back routes to not run into school officials, using hallways nobody used to hopefully not be seen on cameras. Did it even matter though? Everyone was going to see once I burst through the infirmary doors.
Lights flickered in the hallways, the warmness of the rabbits blood running cold as it ran down my chest. My own white fur wasn't even white anymore. The shirt had only soaked up so much blood, it couldn't hold much longer, and neither could the rabbit. I could feel her life draining from my arms, going cold and limb.
"Come on!" I shouted. "Don't die now!" I picked up my pace, skidding past corners and running at full wolf speed. I was scared that my own breathing was going to hurt her, so I did whatever I could to calm it down. My vision was becoming blurry from constant running, it seemed like the infirmary was miles away. My own arms lightened, tingling with pins and needles, threatening to drop the rabbit if I continued. But I didn't care anymore, nothing mattered anymore.
I didn't have time to stop and catch my breath, I didn't have the liberty of putting the rabbit down and pretending was ok. Nothing was ok. I pushed down the feelings so far, they were so long gone, and I knew what was going to happen next when they came back. I didn't have to process everything I didn't even have time to think about my actions, I just did them.
My body crashed through the glass doors of the infirmary, shielding the rabbit from the glass shards that stabbed into my skin. I stood there panting heavily with the bloody rabbit in my arms. Nurse's eyes widened and they stood there, motionless. "The rabbit!" I shouted. A couple of them snapped out of their shocked expressions and rushed over to me, carefully taking the rabbit from my arms.
They placed her onto a bed, the sheets turning red, everything was red.
"Here, let me help you," a nurse said, but I shook her off. All I wanted to know was if the rabbit was ok. I didn't even know the extent of her damages, I didn't want to look that closely.
The nurses unwrapped the shirt around her and gasped, quickly covering her back up. I avoided their scrutinizing gazes, the looks which made me feel like I had done something wrong, that everything was my fault. How could it not be? A wolf runs in with a bloody rabbit in his arms and everyone is just supposed to assume he didn't do anything to her?
There was a loud crack in the air and a sharp pain in my right leg. My eyes moved down, breathing stopping, heart stopping, throat clenching up. There was a tiny hole, blood slowly trickling down my leg. All of the nurses stopped their rhythmic pounding on the rabbits chest, everyone looked at the all too familiar husky with a gun in his hand.
"I didn't do anything," I whispered as my eyesight blurred and I was met with cold tile.
️ ️ ️
Just keep breathing…
I took a large inhale of air, my eyes shooting up to survey the scene around me. The walls were like stainless steel, sleek and polished. There was a large window in front of me, but the one thing I noticed the most, was that my hands were shackled to the back of whatever chair I was sitting in. A red muzzle covered my mouth, making it hard to breath and even harder to move. The color of red still stained my fur, all over my arms and chest. My legs were tied as well, thick ropes almost cutting off the circulation, a dizzying feeling being sent up my spine.
A dinky light above me flickered off of the animal who sat in front of me. A bloodhound, the one from the day that husky cop arrested me for no reason. He had his hands folded, a couple of papers across the metal table which barely stood on its four legs. His eyes were staring at my chest. Was it because of the blood which covered my fur, or the shakiness in my breath?
"Did she taste good?" were the first words he spoke to me, catching me off guard. My eyes darted around the room and he stood up, slamming his fists onto the table, causing a loud roar in the room. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, damnit!" I tried to control my breathing, my anything, but it was so hard when I was being tied to a chair.
"Where am I?" I croaked out, my throat hoarse. My mind wandered with thoughts of how long I had been out. Only then did the fiery pain in my right legs pull me away from the gaze of the bloodhound. My hands instinctively reached for the now bandaged wound, but being tied up meant they had no chance.
"Where the fuck do you think you are?" he said, leaning in close, his breath warm on my face. I didn't know if I was supposed to answer or stay quiet. There was no winning in the situation I was in, and my heart and mind knew it.
My throat closed up, staying quiet was the right option, it had to be.
The bloodhound's hand slapped against my face, his claws tearing into my right cheek. Flesh ripped away, fur fell to the floor, and blood dripped down the side.
He almost got my eye.
"What the hell was that for!" The muzzle was making it harder to breathe, the panic in my body wanting to be released. Everything was pain, my leg, my cheek. I just wanted it to be over.
The bloodhound scoffed and glanced off to the side. "Some actor you are." He went around the table, standing tall over me in his blue police uniform. He took his foot and jammed into my side, the chair falling to the floor with a clang. My breath escaped my lungs from the force and I tried to regain my breathing, but another boot was sent into my side. I shut my eyes in pain, gritting my teeth together. But the bloodhound just kept stomping on my side, the red fur turning a deep shade of purple very quickly.
"Stop!" I yelled as he prepared for another strike, panting heavily through the muzzle. "Please." I pleaded. "I don't even know where I am!"
"Look around!" he shouted, grabbing the chair by the back and hosting it up to its normal sitting position. Everything looked the same, except a couple of animals were now at the window, jotting things down on notepads. They were all herbivores.
"You fucking idiot, you're in an interrogation room." The bloodhound sat back down, taking in a large breath, and releasing it through his nose, like everything that just happened was just a vent of frustration. "Look at you, you're a fucking mess. I bet that rabbit tasted really good."
"I didn't eat her!" I shouted, meeting resistance from the muzzle.
"Right. You didn't eat her. Do you know how stupid you sound?" All of my panic and pain was interrupted by anger, burning anger that tightened the muscles in my body. The bloodhound laughed. "You really think you're getting out of those bindings? They were made specifically for a wolf like you. You can certainly try to break free...actually, I'll let you try to escape." His smile was a sly one, I wasn't stupid.
My claws were still filed down, I wasn't going to be able to use them against the ropes. I knew trying to wiggle free from them would only rub the skin off my hands, but that had to be better than what I was currently feeling.
Before I could wiggle my fingers, before I could even open my mouth to protest, the bloodhound grabbed my snout, hoisted it into the air, then slammed it down onto the table. Shock was sent into my brain, vision going fuzzy, swarming with black dots and waves of dizziness. My tongue was caught near one of my teeth, as it was stabbed into my sharp canines. There was a metallic taste in my mouth, a metallic scent in the air.
My eyes grew heavy, a familiar sensation. The pain was being drowned out by something, I couldn't tell what. The bloodhound scoffed again, tiling my chin to meet his gaze. "Now that you're in more of a mood to talk, let's get down to business." He released his death grip on my chin, my head wanting to fall to the side, dazed from the sensations and pain. He snapped his fingers in front of my face, but the constant ringing in my ears made it hard to hear, and my eyes kept switching from black to the colors of the room.
"Now this could go either of two ways," the bloodhound said, turning the papers towards me. "You either ate that rabbit, or it was a simple case of being in the wrong spot at the right time. Personally I think it's the former. Why else would a wolf be carrying a bunny?"
"She was hurt, she needed help."
"Bullshit. You tried to eat her, but I'm legally required to get a confession from you, whatever means necessary. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
Get it together!
My hands trembled in their confined state, and the way my voice sounded was more of a growl. "The hard way."
The bloodhound smirked and readied his fist, body tensing from the impact, then he sent it slamming into my face. There was a soft crack, audible in the air, and my body went staggering backwards, hands and legs desperately trying to catch my balance. The chair fell to the floor again and tears pooled in my vision, wanting it to be over, wanting everything to be over.
"Don't tell me you're chickening out now," the bloodhound said, rolling up his sleeves. "I thought wolves were tougher than this. Guess the one I got is a dud. I mean come on, herbivore parents? You have got to be kidding me."
I just wanted to die, for the world to stop spinning. Was the pain ever going to end? Were the thoughts ever going to leave? My dulled claws grinded against the rope, wanting to reach my wrists, to reach my neck, to reach anything that could end it. My breathing stopped for a couple of seconds. Wave after wave, punch after punch. Each time, the thoughts of suicide, of ending it all, were the only things I could think about. And each time, it felt like heaven.
"Please," I pleaded after more pain was sent into my side. "Just kill me."
"Kill you?" The bloodhound stopped his barrage of kicks and punches. "Fine." He grabbed the legs of the chair again, propping it up so I could see the table. A black briefcase was brought into view and he sat down, opening the locks which clicked like a clock and pulled out a shiny revolver. "So this may hurt, but only for a second. I think I've done enough damage to you already." He pointed the gun between my eyes, staring me down as his finger tightened around the trigger. Then he pulled it.
Click.
My eyes were shut, my body stiff, muscles tense. I was a prisoner of the past, a bitter taste in my mouth when I looked back. Then all the shit hit the fan.
The bloodhound sighed. "If I really wanted you dead, you wouldn't be sitting here." I still didn't dare open my eyes, until his claws ripped across my face again, like a candle's hot wax spilling all over. "You're the strangest wolf I've ever met." He continued. "A wolf who actually wants to die? Usually your species is too arrogant...too cowardly to want to die."
My head hung low, eyes studying the little cracks in the floor and walls. The constant buzzing from the light and the consistent ringing in my ears did little to drown out the thoughts in my head. The only thing I could do was hold my breath, hoping and praying that everything would turn out ok. But it wasn't going to turn out ok , nothing was ever going to be ok . I was stuck in an interrogation room, being tossed around like a piece of rotten meat.
I could try to stand up to him, I could try to fight back with my words, with the will my body never had. But I was only an animal, I was only a seventeen year old who didn't want to live anymore. I could fake, pretend, have the world's greatest poker face. But none of it mattered when the thoughts returned, when the self hatred wormed its way back into my body. I was only an animal, I bled when I fell down, I crashed and I broke down.
There was only so much I could take-only so much more pain I knew I could endure, if I endured any at all.
I was just a stupid, little, wolf who had no grasp on society. Useless and troublesome for the other animals of the world. I could only take so much, until I had enough. What was I supposed to live for anymore? What was I supposed to do once this was all over?
"Are you all done sulking?" the bloodhound said. I paid more attention to his ID he wore around his neck. Officer Williams, is what it read. That name was familiar, I knew it to be the same bloodhound from before. Was he here to get his revenge? Was he here to finish what the husky started?
I nodded to his question, keeping my head low. I couldn't look him in the eyes, I didn't want to look him in the eyes. "Good," he said, returning to the papers on his desk. "So let's finally start the real interrogations, it seems like physical violence isn't going to get us anywhere." He cleared his throat, looking off to the window, then back to the papers. "Alex Kingston is a male grey wolf, considered by many animals of the school to be a social outcast." He glanced up at me. "Does that seem right to you?"
I stayed silent.
"I can make you talk, it's simple."
"I-it's true…" I said, feeling tears run down my cheeks. I couldn't stop thinking about Jordan or Steven.
Save me Dad.
He sighed. "The police report really doesn't say a whole lot since the evidence at the scene is basically nonexistent . You must be really good at covering up your tracks."
"Why do you keep thinking it's me!" There was the anger again, back in full force.
"Because you were the only animal there. You had that bunny in your arms. Just fucking look at yourself! You're covered in her blood!"
"She was like that when I got there!" The pain in my jaw was immense, but I couldn't stop from barring my fangs. "What was I supposed to do? Just watch her die?!"
"Find an herbivore to help!"
"There weren't any herbivores! It was just her and I!"
The bloodhound shook his head, his ears flopping around. "Therein lies the problem. It was just you and that rabbit."
"There was her friend!" A wave of happiness hit me like a truck, but it was shut down by his response.
"Yeah and she's in shock! She won't talk, she wont do anything! All because of you!"
"I'm telling you, I didn't do anything!"
The bloodhound stood up from his chair and I inhaled sharply. I was scared-terrified of him. I didn't want to be hurt anymore, physically or emotionally. "All you wolves are good for is eating herbivores and fucking random vulnerable animals. You're fucking useless in this world. You don't do anything to contribute to society. You're just as bad as the rest of the wolves in this world. The only reason you're alive right now is because I'm not legally allowed to kill you. But nobody would care if a wolf suddenly went missing."
"You're right," I said, my gut tightening. "Nobody would care if I suddenly died, nobody would even notice I was gone."
The bloodhound slumped back in his chair, rubbing his head. "God there's no fucking way I'm getting through to you. You're stubborn, ignorant, childish, and worst of all, a killer. There's no way you're leaving this room. I can't let you out on the streets without some sort of-"
The metal door to the interrogation room burst open. Dad held the handle in his hand, face flushed with anger and nostrils flared. He was intimidating, with those antlers of his which I knew could easily hurt the bloodhound. He couldn't have been as fast as me, he couldn't have been as strong either. I would know, he punched me.
Dad turned his head to me, closing his eyes and holding back tears. He opened them back up, striding over towards the bloodhound who stood up to greet him. "What the hell did you do to my son?!"
The bloodhound sighed, rolling his eyes. "And who let you in? This is a private matter."
"He's my fucking child! And he's a minor!" Dad scolded, his fists clenched.
"And he was caught committing an act of predation," the bloodhound said matter-of-factly.
Dad glanced over to me, his eyebrows creased. He turned back towards the bloodhound, and punched him in the face.
The bloodhound staggered back from the blow, blood dripping from his nose. "I guess you're allowed one punch," he said.
Dad ran over to me, frantically taking off the muzzle. I could tell he was trying to keep it together, he had to keep it together. He pulled it off quickly and it felt amazing. It was like I could breathe again, like I could move and talk again. Dad sighed, tilting his head back. He then looked back towards the bloodhound. "You have no evidence against him, you have nothing. You have no right to tie him up and toss him around like he's your own little play thing!"
Another animal ran through the open door of the interrogation room. It was Steven's dad, Mr. Parker. He looked so much like Steven that I wanted to cry from seeing him. "Officer William's!" he said, out of breath. "Alex didn't do anything! The brown rabbit named Christina told us everything!"
The bloodhound crossed his arms as Dad put his body in front of mine, shielding me if another attack were to come my way. "Really? What did she say?" He stalked over to Mr. Parker, narrowing his eyes. But Mr. Parker didn't seem to care, he was much bigger than anyone in the interrogation room.
"She said she asked Alex to help find her friend, and that if anyone were to be in trouble, it would be her because she entered the male carnivore dorms," Mr. Parker said. He pointed a finger at me. "This wolf has done nothing wrong, a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time."
The bloodhound scoffed. "Seriously? We're just going to believe what that damn rabbit said? You can't ignore that he was found with the rabbit, with her dying his arms. This can't be a coincidence."
"It's not," Dad finally said, his fists still clenched with anger. I just wanted him to get me out of here. I wanted everything to be over, to finally be free. But I knew I was never going to be free. Once I got home...I knew it was only a matter of time before I tried to do it again.
Dad stepped forward. "Someone ate that rabbit, but it wasn't Alex." His voice was much calmer, but it held a solidness to it. "And here you are, punishing the wrong animal!" He sprung towards the bloodhound again, but Mr. Parker stood in his way.
"We don't need any more violence." He glanced in my direction, but I was focused on the wall, trying to-hoping that it was all going to end. If I just forgot about everything in the room, everything that happened, maybe I would feel better. I was just holding onto the tiny sliver of hope I had, it wasn't enough, but it was something.
Dad rushed over to me, muttering to himself as he untied the bindings that kept me tied to the chair. He threw them to the ground, but I couldn't lift myself off of the chair, scared for what could happen. Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair. I stumbled to my feet, using his shoulder for support as my vision immediately went black.
Dad tore me away from everything, ushering me towards the bathroom as the bloodhound and Mr. Parker argued. I looked horrible in the mirror. My blood - soaked fur was a deep shade of red. My nose was busted as hell, multiple bruises. But the only thing I could focus on was the blood which was mixed into my white fur. It only brought the feelings bubbling up to the surface, and I cried into my hands.
Dad grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my face. He ran a hand through the fur on my chest. "Hey, this isn't your fault." He scowled as he looked away from me. "I swear to God they're going to pay for what they did to you, I promise that."
"No," I said, hands shaking. "No just...just let it go."
"But look at you! God Alex, your fur isn't supposed to be red!" He held onto my face, tears in his eyes. "Do you know how I felt, knowing that they took you away from me without me knowing? I wanted to run into this stupid establishment, guns blazing." His comment made me laugh a bit, and he hugged me tight, warm and comforting. "I made a promise to you that I was never going to leave you again." He pulled away, wiping his face with his sleeve.
️ ️ ️
The car ride home was silent. Dad kept his foot on the gas, speeding us home as I stared out the window, wondering how it all went wrong. Dad had a spare shirt in the back of his car, but it was from when I was younger, and it didn't really fit me. Didn't matter, something was better than the cold feeling that constantly blew through my fur, chilling the skin underneath.
I said, "I'm fine," a couple of times, but it wasn't true.
Dad parked the car in our driveway and took the keys out of the ignition. We sat there for a while, neither looking or speaking to each other. In some ways, it felt like I had done something wrong, that I was the cause for everyone's pain. I always thought like that though, so it wasn't anything new.
"I just want you to be happy," Dad said as he got out of the car, leaving me alone. My eyes grew heavy again, the pain in my head pounding like a hammer against hard metal. I pushed open the car door, knowing what awaited me in the house.
Mom came rushing out the door, stopping once she spotted me under the dim light of our garage lights. "Holy shit," she said, walking closer to me, each step faster than the next. She cupped my face in her hands, I could only stare at her. "What did they do to you?" Her voice was thick with emotion, tears pooled in her eyes as she buried her face in my fur. She pounded her fists against my chest, crying softly. "Why the hell does everyone think you did something wrong?! Why can't the world see you for who you really are!"
Dad came up behind her and held her shoulder, motioning her away from me. She got the hint and backed away, standing still with her hands shaking. "You're not going back to that damn school!" She ran into the house, wiping her eyes.
"Why do I feel like I did something wrong?" I said.
Dad swallowed. "I don't know."
I walked into the house, ignoring the familiar smells, ignoring the desperate pleas from Dad, and shut the bathroom door, locking it. I pushed my back against the door and fell to the floor, crying into my hands. The pain in my leg was immeasurable, it only got worse as I cried. The pain in my heart made me want to claw it out, like I had tried to do so long ago. The bright bathroom lights were reminding me of something which I did a long time ago, something I promised myself I would never do again.
Scrambling to my feet and opening my bathroom drawer revealed a pair of scissors. I didn't have claws, but these were just as good. Their sharp blades were enticing, temping me to slice them across my arms. I gave into it.
Blood seeped out of the vertical cuts across my arms. The pain didn't seem to fade away, it didn't drain away with the blood. I fell to the ground, gripping the tightness in my chest, wanting it all to go away. It was going to go away soon. The bathroom door was locked, and there was no way anyone was getting in it. I was finally going to die, I was finally to be free from everything. There was no point in living anymore. The school made up their minds about me, and my name flashed over all of the news channels.
The blood on my fur mixed with the blood from my arms, fresh with new. My vision was darkening, my eyes drooping and I smiled.
It's over, it's finally over.
My phone rang in my pocket, but I ignored it. It was persistent though, never ceasing its war cry. I pulled it out of my pocket as my heart dropped from the name that showed up, from the picture which made me sob harder.
Steven.
"DAD!" I yelled, using whatever strength I had to open the door and slumping to the floor, desperately gasping for air as my vision clouded.
Footsteps ran around the corner, and I was pulled to my feet. "Damnit Alex!" Dad said as he pressed his hands onto the wounds, blood dripping everywhere. He moved me to the couch, unwrapping the bandages he held onto everywhere he went. "Keep your hands on the wound." He was so calm, something I was beginning to admire about him. "Ok, here." He gently wrapped the bandages around the wound on my arm, pressing it on tightly and taping it down.
He let out a sigh of relief, falling back into the couch. "I-I know why you did it again...I just wish you didn't." My phone rang again and Dad picked it up, answering it. "Hey Steven." He looked over to me. "Yeah Alex is doing ok...you want to come over?" he checked his watch, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's late, is your dad-" he stopped himself, knowing his dad was in the interrogation room. "Is it ok with your parents?" There was silence as Dad continued the phone call with Steven.
He set down the phone. "I...you don't have to shower, I know how you two are." He smirked, then sat down next to me, grabbing my hand and holding it gently. "Please never do that again, please never put me in a situation where I have to bandage your arms, where I have to stop my heart for a second to make sure you're ok. You know I'll do it in a heartbeat, but I can't stand to see you like this."
"I'm sorry-"
"No! Don't be sorry!" He took a deep breath. "Just...just tell me before you do it." He patted my shoulder. "I love you so much, you know that? When I heard they took you in for questioning," he laughed to himself, "I went ballistic." He went quiet for a moment, looking off into the distance, then said, "shit happens."
Dad took his leave, scratching the fur behind my ears, my tail finally wagging. Then I waited in my room for Steven, going over the bandages with my fingers. I didn't need to shower, I didn't care if I smelled bad or whatever. I wanted him to see me like this…I wanted to know if he would still love me.