Review time!
Joel Connell: It was satisfying to write Jake's comeuppance! And I hope that you like what happens after Alejandro's elimination just as much!
Guest: Thanks! That'll be the only time Scarlett allows a challenge to be thrown.
Saturday, February 10, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – we faced our foes from the past! [Duncan punching Harold in the face] In another fun fighting challenge [Tom and Jen fighting] we squared off against people who helped shape our lives. Whether for better [Ennui and Crimson fighting] or for worse. [Heather fighting Gwen and losing] We had some interesting fights [Noah defeating his siblings], some closure [Emma fighting Jake], and some fights that absolutely sucked trash. [Taylor freaking out on discovering that her mother was her opponent] The Eliminators [Jo fighting her father and winning] won the game, but Sam didn't feel up to the challenge [Sam getting "hurt" by Dakota] and ended up getting the boot from the Destroyers. [Sam's elimination]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Twenty-four contestants remain. Who'll advertise their victory to the world and who'll have to put a pin in it? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, but this time Harold jumped clear of it, only to hit his head on a low-hanging branch.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris looking out at the world from the comfort of his room, Brick trying to learn how to channel another song, Sam playing one of his videogames, Lindsay making a snowman, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Shawn running away from a once-again awake Scuba Bear.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. DJ looked at a drawing of Dawn he'd made for an art class and sighed wistfully.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the banks of the frozen lake in a snowball fight. Taylor ended up throwing her snowball at a tree, which dumped snow all over Heather, much to Taylor and Josee's delight.
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, then slipped and faceplanted into the snowbanks. Geoff and Bridgette immediately rushed over to help him up.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Jo and Zoey climbed to the top of Bluegrass Hill, where Jo let out a roar that triggered an avalanche beneath them. Jo smiled sheepishly at a confused Zoey.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was making dinner, and Tyler, Sanders, MacArthur, Beardo, and Ella were eying his no-longer-deliberately-bad cooking hungrily.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sammy and Cody were making out, and with one of his hands facing backwards Cody accepted a high-five from Sierra.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Eva, Leshawna, Sky, and Jasmine worked out in the Drama Gym, although Sky was struggling with her weights.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Alejandro had lit the campfire and was standing behind it ominously. Devin and Carrie, unbeknownst to him, were watching, and Carrie raised an eyebrow at Devin as if to say "See? I told you he was evil."
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett was pushing around a snowblowing machine she'd recently invented.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and Jen appeared between them to show off some new designs. Though slightly miffed, Noah and Emma shrugged and struck up a conversation with her.
Mess Hall
Alejandro looked disinterested as Heather finished her rant. "...and honestly, why does Gwen HAVE to be so infuriating yet so correct about a lot of things?"
"I think I see why you have a rivalry with the teal-haired girl," Alejandro said at last. "She is also a strong woman, like you, and therefore she feels independent from you."
"Independent? HA! I'm just glad she's off the show and I'm still on it. Take THAT, Gwen!"
Confessional – Alejandro.
"Oh, the irony. Heather has always depended on others in order to get what she wants. Me, I get things that I want done myself. I believe that I should eliminate her now before she becomes too dependent on me, which would upset mi propia victoria."
"Campers! Report to Climate Hall for today's challenge!" Chris said from the front of the mess hall into a microphone. "That includes you two, Heather and Alejandro! I see you lovebirds there!"
"Chris, please stop," Alejandro sighed.
"Not if there's drama!"
Forty minutes later
"Wow, it's been a while since we've been to Climate Hall, hasn't it?" Cody asked.
"Yeah, it has," Emma replied. "It's weird. You'd think Chris would use it to make more warm weather-themed challenges, especially now when it's cold."
"Well, Emma, I'm glad you asked!" Chris stood in front of the tall, red-brick building. "The reason we haven't been using it very much as of late was because I was busy getting today's challenge set up, and that was the space I decided to use for it. Since it's finally finished, I decided that it was time to have the challenge!"
He opened the doors, sending out a warm gust of air. When the wind settled and the kids were inside, they stared in awe at the large, pinkish-red contraption in front of them. "Behold!"
"Wow...is that a pinball machine?" Zoey asked. "I've never seen one so...big!"
"Uh-oh," Jo said. "Chris, I think I know what you're doing with that thing. Or planning to do with it, at least."
"If you're thinking 'human pinball', you'd be correct!" Dudley and Miranda rolled out the giant hamster balls from the previous season. "And there's the balls!"
"This is gonna suck," Geoff groaned.
"In the first part of our challenge for today, we're gonna play human pinball! Here's how it'll work: I'll break you into two teams of twelve apiece, then each team in turn will be broken into two subteams of six chumps each. One of those subteams in each team will be broken further into two sesquiteams of three apiece!"
"I don't thing 'sesquiteam' is a word, Chris," Scarlett said.
"It is now. Anyway, one of these three-people sesquiteams will operate the giant pinball machine, one person for each flipper and the third for the plunger. The other three kids will be the balls, and will have to fight gravity if they're to stay alive. Whichever team racks up the higher number of points wins part one!"
"My back hurts just looking at it," Noah grimaced.
"Anywho, it's time for teams. Brick, Jo, Zoey, Josee, Taylor, DJ, Jacques, Cody, Jasmine, Miles, Jen, and Harold, you are the Mutant Maggots! Everyone else, you're the Toxic Rats!"
"Nice theme," Heather snarked. "I'd almost forgotten we shouldn't be within five kilometers of this island."
"Now that you've got teams, pull a marble out of the bag to see who gets what!" He tossed a red bag of marbles to the Maggots and a green one to the Rats. "Once you've decided who's going where, the Maggots will go first!"
Mutant Maggots: Brick, Jo, Zoey, Josee, Taylor, DJ, Jacques, Cody, Jasmine, Miles, Jen, and Harold.
Toxic Rats: Scarlett, Ennui, Leshawna, Justin, Emma, Noah, Alejandro, Sky, Crimson, Geoff, Sugar, and Heather.
Mutant Maggots
"Uh, Chris?" DJ asked. "You forgot to tell us how we decide."
"Oh yeah!" Chris remembered. "I knew I was forgetting something."
Confessional – Jasmine.
"Doubtful. I think he was hopin' we'd make fools of ourselves trying to figure it out."
"Well, anywho, a white marble means you're not going in this part. Red means you're operating the controls, and gray means you're the ball! It's the same for the Rats but they have green marbles instead of red."
"Okay, thanks." DJ picked up the bag and reached into it, pulling out a red marble. He handed the bag to Jo, who got a gray one. She passed it to Josee, and the handoff continued.
Results:
Controls: DJ, Harold, and Cody.
Balls: Jo, Josee, and Taylor.
Part 2: Brick, Zoey, Jacques, Jasmine, Miles, and Jen.
Toxic Rats
After Chris had repeated what he'd said to the Maggots, the team got to picking their marbles. Off to the side, Noah asked Emma "So, how likely do you think we are to get rid of Heather?"
"I don't know," Emma whispered back. "But considering her behavior I think it's a pretty good bet that enough people here will want her out. It might depend on what part two is, though."
They briefly eyed Heather admiring the white marble that meant she wasn't in the pinball part before Noah continued. "Yeah, it might. If she does really well on whatever it is that Chris has in store, it might be hard to garner more votes for her."
"Well, I don't think it'll be hard to get Leshawna's vote," Emma remarked, watching how the Sister with 'Tude silently glared at Heather, angrily clutching her own white marble.
Confessional – Leshawna.
"I failed to do my duty as a good friend and vote Heather out when she decked Cody," Leshawna said, angry determination in her voice. "If we don't win today's challenge, I'm taking her out NOW." She slammed her fist on the confessional table for emphasis, causing the outhouse to rattle.
Results:
Controls: Scarlett, Justin, and Geoff.
Balls: Ennui, Emma, and Alejandro.
Part 2: Leshawna, Noah, Sky, Crimson, Sugar, and Heather.
"Has everyone gotten their roles?" Chris asked. When everyone nodded, he jerked his thumb backwards. "Alright, let's do this! Maggot Balls, get in your balls! Maggot Controls, get ready!"
Mutant Maggots
Harold and Cody each grabbed a remote control that corresponded to one of the flippers, Harold taking the right and Cody taking the left. DJ, being much stronger than them, went to the plunger that launched the balls and rested his hands on the control lever.
"Jo, since you're first in the alphabet, you're going first!" Chris announced as Joseph loaded her into the firing chamber.
"Let's just get this over with." DJ pulled the lever and Jo was launched out. "DAAAAAH!" she screamed as she collided with her first bumper.
Jo continued getting tossed around the massive contraption, occasionally getting launched upwards by a well-timed hit from Harold and Cody, who clearly had a lot of experience with arcade games. Eventually, though, she came down too fast for either of the boys to catch, and she rolled unceremoniously out of the machine.
"Ow..." the Jockette winced, rubbing the emerging bruise on the right side of her forehead.
"28,075 points! Not bad, Jo," Chris said. "Okay Josee, it's your time to shine!"
"With pleasure," Josee grinned. Her grinned faded away the moment she got shot out onto the playfield. She was kept in play for much longer than Jo, but most of her points were earned from hitting targets. Repeatedly.
Confessional – Cody.
"I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but after all I've been through on this show, slamming Josee into everything at high speeds was really cathartic."
"34,050 points!" Chris exclaimed once Josee finally fell down the gobble hole. "That brings your score to 62125! Taylor, it's your turn now! Can you bring your team's score to the sextuple-digit mark?"
"No, but I can bring us over a hundred thousand points!" Taylor boasted. Chris facepalmed. "What?"
"Taylor...the number one hundred thousand has six digits. That's what 'sextuple-digit mark' meant."
"HA!" Heather cackled. Taylor flipped her off (pixelated, of course) before getting into her ball.
DJ launched Taylor out onto the playfield, but Harold and Cody were getting cramps in their hands. As a result, Taylor only managed to get about two-thirds of what Jo had earned before she was ejected.
"And it looks like you couldn't," Chris decided. "Oh well, 20,040 points isn't that bad. Your score is 82165! Toxic Rats, you only need to get a score of 82166 in order to win!"
"And how, pray tell, are we going to get such an odd number of points?" Scarlett asked.
"Um...just play the game, Scarlett!"
Toxic Rats
Scarlett and Geoff manned the flippers, while Justin took control of the plunger. "Alejandro, you're up first! How many points can you muster?" Chris asked.
Justin launched the Latin Mastermind out onto the playfield, and his movements seemed almost graceful. Well, as graceful as a seventeen-year-old in a giant hamster ball could be. Eventually, he fell down the gobble hole. "That many," Alejandro replied smoothly. "However high that score is."
"'High' is right! You've earned 47,880 points!" Chris exclaimed. "Wowee, that is awesome!"
"But...weren't we the ones who kept him in play?" Geoff asked, confused.
"Did you hit any of the bumpers?"
"Well, no, but–"
"Then you don't get the credit," Chris said, grinning evilly.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"Even I believe that Sr. McLean was going a bit far there," Alejandro said bluntly. "I at least have some respect for the dignity of the people I step on. Even if it's not very much."
It was Emma's turn next, but because she was so much smaller and lighter than Alejandro she wound up moving a lot faster. So fast, in fact, that Geoff wasn't able to catch her in time when she shot down from the top of the playfield faster than he could react. "Only 9,070 points," Chris tsked. "That takes you up to a score of 56950. You might lose this for your team, Emma."
"Gee, and here I was hoping you didn't play favorites," Emma snarked.
"I thought you knew that," Geoff said innocently.
"I was being sarcastic, Geoff."
"...Oh, right, I forgot that that's like, your thing."
Chris ignored them. "Ennui, my man, you're going to be the last person to be the ball? How does that make you feel?"
"Exquisite," Ennui replied monotonously.
"Good!" Ennui was loaded up and fired out. Because of how much bigger he was than most of his classmates, though, he stayed in play for the shortest amount of time. "And I stand corrected. Ennui, what the heck?" Chris asked, incredulous.
"It's not his fault that these bumpers can't deal with his weight," Justin said. "They look kinda flimsy."
"Knowing Chris, he probably got them for cheap off some old gameshow that no longer exists," Scarlett said. As if to prove her point, the right bumper promptly fell off, having been progressively dislodged from its socket by the repeated stress of having multiple teenagers slammed into it multiple times.
"Sheesh, harsh. Anyway, Ennui, you earned 3,010 points for your team. Your score is 59960 and therefore the Mutant Maggots win." The Maggots cheered. "Thus, the Maggots get the advantage!"
"Which is?" Jacques asked, raising a blonde eyebrow.
"Come and find out for yourself!" Chris retrieved a briefcase from the other side of the room and brought it to the bottom of the pinball machine before opening it. Inside of it were two laptops, one black and bulky, the other slim and silver.
Confessional – Heather.
"A computer that isn't trashy?!" Heather exclaimed. "Say it ain't so!"
"It ain't so, that computer's presumably for the other team," Noah said from outside the confessional.
"Oh, what do you know?"
"The Mutant Maggots get the skinny one as their advantage for part two!" Chris announced.
"Told you," Noah said to Heather.
"Shut up."
"Does the type of computer we get determine our advantage?" Brick asked.
"Yep! Find out how after these messages!" Chris replied.
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "We've moved on to part two of today's challenge, which is all about fun!"
"For YOU," Jo said, still sore. "I think I sprained a kidney!"
"How would you do that? Kidneys aren't muscles," Scarlett pointed out.
"Well, I sprained SOMETHING in my back."
"Part two is simple: you're going to make a commercial for these!" Chris pulled out a small pink bag adorned with a cartoon fish tail, the exposed center of the tail a solid white. "Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails! Here, try one!" He opened the bag and tossed one to Alejandro.
Alejandro put it into his mouth and spat it out almost as quickly. "It tastes of rotting meat and gym uniforms," he gagged. "I am not sure whom Chef intended them for, but I seriously hope the target audience was not human."
Confessional – Chef.
"Cats," Chef said, shrugging. "My son has a cat and his birthday's comin' up; the kid's, not the cat's. So I thought I might make something dumb for the cat, like a weird cat treat or somethin', but Pretty Boy decided I should make more of 'em fo' th' maggots the moment he saw me makin' 'em."
"Anyway, you're gonna make a commercial and Chef will judge it on how good it is," Chris explained. "Since the Mutant Maggots won part one, they get a 2016 laptop with an up-to-date video editing suite! Toxic Rats, you're getting this old clunker from 2006 with older software. Both teams will use the same model of camera." Chris pulled out two identical red cameras and handed one each to Jen and Crimson.
"I'd better mark this," Jen said, retrieving a bottle of dull green nail polish and writing 'MM' on the white part of its strap.
"So you remembered that trick from the last time we did the hamsterballs," Leshawna nodded. "Smart."
"Anyone who participated in part one is not allowed to help make the films!" Chris added. "If I see you for even one frame, your team is automatically disqualified. The winner will be chosen by Chef and we'll present them at six, so get to it!"
Toxic Rats
"Alright everybody!" Heather barked. "We don't have enough time to write a good script and film it AND edit it all, so we've gotta get a move on! I want ideas, ideas, IDEAS!"
"Wow, you really are competitive," Noah quipped.
"I've got an idea," Leshawna said. "What if we do like a samurai film? An old, lonely samurai is about to die. Before he dies, he says that he only has one regret: that he didn't get to eat one of the fish candies. 'Don't live a life with regrets. Fish tail candy.'"
"I'm...not sure any of us are Japanese enough to pull that off without getting some angry letters from back home," Sky said nervously.
"And it's too somber for a food commercial," Noah added. "It doesn't have quite the right tone for what we want to accomplish."
"Ah know ah wouldn't wanna eat something if I had to see somebodeh dah," Sugar admitted.
"I like it," Crimson said monotonously. "But Noah is correct. We would want a more uplifting, as much as it pains me to say it, advertisement for this kind of product."
"Yeah, that's fair," Leshawna admitted. "Chef might not want a sad commercial."
"Besides, it sounds like something Harold might come up with," Heather chuckled. "I know you're his sorta girlfriend but c'mon, he should NOT have that much influence over you!"
"Well Heather, what would you have us make?" Sky asked.
"Oh, I've got an idea. One that we can film in no time."
Confessional – Crimson.
"In other words, one that requires no precision or skill to accomplish," Crimson sighed. "At this point I'm not sure who I want gone more, Sugar or Heather."
Mutant Maggots
"Does anyone have an idea for a film?" Brick asked. "Because if we don't, I've got one."
"Well, I have one too, and I think it's pretty cool," Jen said. "Why don't we both share our ideas and then vote on them?"
"Good call," Jasmine nodded. "So what did ya have in mind, mate?"
"I was thinking we might do something with a lady who looks really classy, right? And then we have her say 'Wanna know how I got this cool? It's all thanks to the power of Chef's Candy Fish Tails'."
"I do not think that Chef is the kind of man who likes that kind of advertisement," Jacques said. "He is someone who would like violence and bloodshed, not a fashion show."
"Yeah, that's a good point," Jen admitted. "What about you, Brick?"
"Mine was actually more in line with what Jacques said we should do," Brick said. "There's this monster, see, and he's all angry and stuff. But then the army realizes that he's just hungry! So they feed him the fish candy, and he goes back to normal!"
"Well, what do you know? The coward does have a brain in those damp pants," Jacques grinned. "It would be an exemplary idea, Brick. Chef is bound to love it!"
"Okay then, let's vote," Miles said. "All in favor of Brick's idea?" Brick, Jen, Jasmine, and Jacques raised their hands. "Jen's?" Zoey and Miles herself raised their hands. "Okay, Brick's it is."
"Why did you vote for mine?" Jen asked Zoey.
"I didn't want to be the one who eats the fish tails," the Indie Chick explained, looking squeamish. "I don't know how accurate Alejandro's idea was, and I don't want to find out."
"Me either," Miles agreed.
"Not to worry!" Brick said proudly. "It was my idea, so I'll take one for the team and play the monster!"
"Sounds good to me," Jen said. "And I've got the best idea for a monster costume."
Mutant Maggots
"I have some serious reservations about your script, Heather," Noah remarked as he read over the script Heather had written for him to use. Considering that it was only a page long, it wasn't very much of a script. "A clip show of random crap? With only the most tangential of connections to the product that we're supposed to shill?"
"Uh...wha?" Sugar asked.
"That meant 'it barely relates to the product at all, and that means Chef won't like it'."
"Then why didn't ya say that?!"
"Well, you're not the captain of this team, now are you?" Heather asked, grinning evilly at Noah.
"We agreed on a captain?" Leshawna snarked.
"Listen, Noah, you're a smart guy. Don't you get it? This was easy to write and it will be easy to film, easy to edit, and most IMPORTANTLY it won't take very long!"
"So that way you'll have enough time to make sure that it's perfect before we ship it out?" Sky asked. "I gotta say, that's a pretty good idea."
"Uh...duh! Since when did I go back on my promises for perfection?" She smiled at them and fluttered her eyelashes.
"O...kay."
Confessional – Noah.
"I'm not that much of a nerd, but someone's gotta have a list of the number of promises she didn't keep in ninth grade alone. Word to the wise, people at home: never. Enter a group project. With Heather Green. Intentionally. If you end up assigned with her by random chance, be careful."
"Now, Noah, you're our camera boy because you took a photography class for your art elective last year, so I'm guessing that you must know something about how that thing works. Sugar, you're in charge of making sure he actually films all the stuff on our list. If we can't find it, make it."
"Okeh!" Sugar beamed. "C'mon twerp, let's get huntin'!" She grabbed the boy by his arm and began pulling him along.
"Ow ow OW! Watch it! This camera's delicate!"
"What about us?" Crimson asked monotonously.
"Hm...oh, I know! You three, I'd like you to monitor the other half of our team. Y'know, so they don't get in our shots. Chris was pret-ty serious about disqualifying us if that happens."
"S'not like I wanna hang around you anyway," Leshawna grumbled. "C'mon, girls, let's make sure Geoff don't try something dumb. Guy's got his tongue stuck to metal things five times this month already."
As soon as they left and were out of earshot, Heather cackled maniacally.
Confessional – Heather.
"Please! I'm not gonna need to edit our stuff any more than stitching it all together and removing anything stupid. It's MY idea! How badly can they mess it up?"
Heather paused, and then added "On second thought, maybe sending Sugar to supervise Mr. Nosypants wasn't exactly a good decision on my part...eh, can't go back now."
Mutant Maggots
"Hey guys!" Zoey chirped as she approached Harold and Cody, who looked up from their studying to look at her. "Don't mind me, I'm just getting one of the monster costumes from the Halloween challenge out from that closet."
"Oh," Cody said. "I guess you decided what you're doing? That's good. But don't spoil it, I wanna be surprised!"
"I think you will be," Zoey chuckled as she entered the closet and came back out with the monster costume Jasmine had worn during the Halloween challenge. Brick, it turned out, didn't have a costume that fit him as he wasn't on that team, so he and Jasmine had switched roles. "Oof! This thing's certainly a lot to carry."
After she left, Harold looked at Cody. "Monster that becomes tame when you feed it the product we're endorsing," he said. "It cannot be anything else."
"Wow, you are skilled," Cody said in awe.
"Eh, it's an overused storyline, if you have to work this fast that's what you're gonna end up with. Still, it's like, not a terrible idea considering who we have to show it to."
"Good point. Anyway, voting. If Chef somehow doesn't like our film as much as he likes the Rats', I think we should try to bump off either Taylor, Jacques, or Josee."
"I'm not sure anybody would like, want to bump off Jacques before Josee, and I think some of us might be too afraid of her to vote. So if we lose today we should probably go for Taylor, since she's the easiest for other people to wanna hate."
"Yeah, that's fair." Cody sighed. "Man, what a month. First Alejandro kicks out so many of our friends, including my girlfriend, now Heather's prancing about as if she owns the place just because of her connection to him."
"They'll get theirs eventually," Harold said reassuringly. "They gotta."
Mess Hall, 6:00 PM EST
"It's time!" Chris announced. "Come one, come all, come ESPECIALLY the 14-and-up demographic! Presenting...our commercials for Chef's candy fish tails!"
"These better be good," Chef grumbled. "How long these gonna take, Chris? I got cookin' to do and dinner to make."
"It shouldn't take too long to get through these, old pal. Mutant Maggots, since you got the advantage, you also get to go first!"
"Without further ado," Jen said as she plugged her team's laptop into the projector, revealing the video application, "'The Monster of Muskoka'!"
Jen, Miles, Zoey, and Jacques were enjoying a peaceful day at the campfire when something large roared behind them. They screamed as Jasmine, wearing her old outfit from the eighteenth episode of the series, thundered into the campfire, attempting to attack them.
"The monster wants to kill us all!" Zoey wailed.
"Not so fast, ma'am," came a voice. Brick, wearing a stereotypical M1 helmet and his camouflage-patterned coat, thundered onto the scene. "I know this monster. This monster isn't evil. It's hungry!"
"I have a NAME!" Jasmine snapped.
"And I'm sure it's lovely. Now, there's one food I know that monsters like best." He pulled out a packet of candy. "Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails will make ALL your problems solved. Even a rampaging monster!" He tossed a candy at Jasmine, who ate it and instantly became docile.
"Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails! They'll solve all your problems."
Chef smirked. "Heh. Not half bad."
Confessional – Jasmine.
"I've eaten worse things during my camping trips in Oz," Jasmine said. She made a face. "That little sweet was right near the bottom, though. Still, it was better than Marmite."
"And now for the Toxic Rats! Let's see what you guys cooked up," Chris said cheerily.
Sky plugged in the computer, and then frowned. "Uh...it's not connecting...wait, now it is." She pressed play:
Noah in a hockey mask running around like a serial kiler. Four donuts being mushed together into a larger one. A dead seagull with a plastic sixpack ring around its neck. A dirty fishtank. Sugar hollering into a megaphone. The entire video was blurry and laggy, and it dragged on longer than it should have.
At the end of the video, Noah held the candy up to the camera, only his hand visible, and Sugar addressed the audience. "This could beh your world too, so eat Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails!"
Chef blinked. "Wow. That was not half bad. It was at least two-thirds."
"So...would you say that the Mutant Maggots won?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, I would. Can I go now?"
"You may." Chef got up and left for the kitchen. "What gives, guys?"
"Well, you try making a video with a computer older than you are," Heather shot back.
"Heather, did you do ANYTHING other than put the clips together?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Hey, I couldn't exactly DO much with that stupid computer! It kept freezing up!" Heather fibbed.
"No, I distinctly remember seeing you spend what, twenty minutes putting it together? And then you didn't even do homework afterwards like the rest of us." Heather's eyes widened and she giggled nervously as her teammates glared at her.
"Well, this IS interesting," Chris said. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Toxic Rats, it's time to vote someone out!"
Confessional – Noah.
"It's finally time," Noah said. "Heather's been a pain in the butt for long enough that she's made more enemies than friends." He wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper. "So long, Heather, and thanks for absolutely nothing."
Confessional – Ennui.
"While I do fault Heather for the atrocious script and editing, I still believe that Sugar is the greater annoyance." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Scarlett.
"Geoff, I'm sorry, but I think your error during the first part of today's challenge may have influenced our loss," Scarlett explained as she wrote GEOFF on a piece of paper. "If you had been a bit more careful, we would have gotten the better computer, and perhaps Heather might have had some incentive to make better footage. I do think that part of her laziness came as the result of her anger at not getting what she wanted and, though I am reluctant to say so, we need to keep her around in the event that she does decide to step up her game."
Confessional – Heather.
"Talk back to ME, do you? Well, how about I vote out your tiny little GIRLFRIEND!" Heather laughed as she wrote EMMA on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Four marshmallows of the twelve were colored, and there were at long last a blue and a green one. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama is super happy crazy fun!"
"Doubtful," Emma snarked, earning some laughs.
Chris ignored her. "White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Scarlett, Ennui, Leshawna, Justin, Noah, Alejandro, Sky, and Crimson."
Then Chris pointed at the blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. And they make their triumphant return with one vote against Geoff." Geoff was confused by this, but shrugged it off and got his marshmallow.
Next, Chris pointed at the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. They too are back, and Emma has received it."
Emma raised an eyebrow at a smug-looking Heather. "Don't give me that look, Heather. One of those is YOURS." Heather's smug expression evaporated in an instant, leaving only one of fear to remain.
The red and orange marshmallows stood ominously on their plate. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, and red means you're out. Heather. Sugar."
Sugar looked at Alejandro, who shook his head, confirming that he hadn't voted for her.
"Heather, your domineering ways left your team's commercial a far cry from Chef's preferences. Sugar, your butterfingers put your team behind in the point count. Let's see now, and, um...
...
...
...
...
"With one vote less, against ALL odds, Sugar has survived to play another day! Heather, it's been a good run, but you have been eliminated."
"WHAT?!" Heather shrieked. "That can't be right!"
"Sorry Heather, but the votes have spoken. You have received five votes against you. Sugar only got four."
"HA!" Sugar cackled.
Heather turned around and saw Alejandro's smug smile. "YOU!"
"Yes, Heather, one of those votes was my own," Alejandro shrugged. "What can I say? You're a smart girl when you want to be, and I couldn't possibly hope to face you in the post-merge challenges without losing. So...goodbye."
Heather roared and lunged at him, only for Joseph to pick her up and haul her away to the boat. "I HATE YOU, ALEJANDRO! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"
Confessional – Sugar.
Sugar gulped. "He really did vote for his own girl...the shrimp was right."
"Holy moly! So much glorious DRAMA!" Chris stood in the good cabin. "Sixty-one down. Twenty-three remain. Who'll have the time of their life and who'll have a life without time? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"'Life without time'?" Harold asked as he passed by. "Gosh, that is...sad."
"No one asked you!"
Votes:
Scarlett – Geoff
Ennui – Sugar
Leshawna – Heather
Justin – Heather
Emma – Heather
Noah – Heather
Alejandro – Heather
Sky – Sugar
Crimson – Sugar
Geoff – Sugar
Sugar – Emma
Heather – Emma
Results: 5-4-2-1 Heather-Sugar-Emma-Geoff
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo, Katie, Trent, Kitty (t), Gwen, Dave (ii), Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B, Mike (q), Duncan, Amy, Topher, Sadie, Laurie, [Owen, Carrie, Sammy, Tyler, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, and Beardo] (ii), Bridgette, Sanders, Sierra, Shawn (r), Sam, Heather
Future eliminations immunized against: Alejandro (3)
Bonus clip:
"I can't believe it," Emma said that night. "Heather's...gone. That's gonna take some getting used to."
"But Alejandro isn't," Noah reminded her. "As long as he's still around, we're not safe. But, if my memory's right, he's only got three more eliminations that he can't be voted for in."
"We've gotta work fast, then. But I think we might get an unlikely ally after what's happened today. Remember how shocked Sugar looked when Alejandro revealed he'd voted for Heather?"
"She's had doubts about his ability to keep his promises, doubts I happened to grow," Noah replied. "Well, it's not like they're not valid. You know what he did to Devin."
"And Devin was once a crony of the Ice Dancers...hmmm..."