(A/N: Thank you to everyone for the truly incredible reaction to the last chapter. All of your reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated. Sometimes relationships are cyclical, until the cycle gets broken if it gets broken at all. Thank you for your enthusiasm and your consistent reading. Enjoy the chapter.)
(Ezra Bridger POV)
"Why are you here?"
Cayle laughs off my demand and starts rifling through his pocket. "I have something of yours."
Oh yeah…
"Oh. That." I realize as Cayle pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. "Thanks, I do need to go get gas tomorrow."
Light came on as I went to class today.
"You're welcome." Cayle sets my credit card on the counter before eying the ruined scene. "Mind if I wash my hands then give you some help?"
"I—"
I'm really not hungry anymore.
Cayle ignores my sputtering and walks right to the sink and begin washing his hands. "I'm sorry about the timing. I was, uhm, sitting outside the door for a minute."
"You were?"
"Yup." Cayle nods once. "I wanted to come around earlier to give you that—" He points to my credit card. "—back but Ahsoka had a full day planned for me. So I hustled down here as soon as I was done."
"Have you eaten?" I divert us briefly.
Cayle smirks. "No, I haven't. I know this wasn't meant for me though—"
"She ran off."
…
Cayle silently dries off his hands before refolding the towel on the rack that hangs on the oven. "You guys were overdue for a fight. You'll be fine, just give her time."
"Time?"
Cayle nods while eying the scene on the counters once again. "And you don't need to obsess over it so much. Ahsoka commented on it today as I ran my errands, suggested I come down anyway."
"She did?"
"They noticed the massive charge on your card from 6 AM this morning and asked me what was going on. Imagine their shock when I pulled your card out of my wallet and said that it actually was me."
I laugh, which gets one out of Cayle as well. "Yeah." He nods. "She wasn't happy."
Probably demanded to know what happened.
"Believe it or not, they support your move 100%. And by the way, your whole speech about how this isn't a fairy tale and if you love her enough you have to let her go? Perfect. That's what he needed to hear, I think it got through."
"You think so?"
Cayle nods while eying my shallow bowl. "Salt for the potatoes?"
"There's a recipe I was going to try."
"Hand it over." He waves at me, and I comply. "Pour yourself some more wine. Take a breath. I got all this."
"Cayle—"
Cayle peers up at me with his non nonsense expression. "Just do it. I can explain later if you want me to. But just…play along."
"Fine…" I grumble, then walk back over to the fridge.
Already have a glass out.
Grabbing the bottle, I turn back in time to see Cayle sip—
My…glass…
"Oh." He says as soon as he spots me. "Take hers, my bad. That was yours wasn't it."
"I'll get a new one." I wave away Cayle concern.
"You don't have to get a new one, you've kissed her—"
NOT. TONIGHT!
"Aaaand I'll leave it there." He finishes lamely.
"Can you get back to Ahsoka and the others?"
"Right." He smiles while reading the recipe, then goes for my avocado oil. "Well, let's start at the beginning. I took your boy to the airport this morning. And you definitely got to him good. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about anymore."
Good.
"He had some speech ready wanting me to say thank you to you, blah blah, blah." Cayle waves jokily at air. "Bought his ticket, made sure he got on it. He's gone."
"Good." I smile despite myself.
"Fast forward to me getting back to the Temple. I get asked about the charge, yadi-yadah…we all go about our day."
"No, what'd they say?" I turn us back to the matter at hand.
"Kanan and Hera liked the move. Hera literally laughed at the guy's desperation. My Master didn't say that much but wasn't against it otherwise you know her—"
She would have voiced it.
"—and that was it. Hera is the attaché for the FBI and the whole intelligence community at large and the Jedi on this so she had to get to work setting up this whole operation for you. The Council approved the measure on Tuesday night."
"Of course they had to approve it…" I mutter to myself.
They're not going to just let it pass. Palpatine overstepped his bounds, but to our, specifically my benefit.
"Yup. I, uhm…"
He stopped.
Turning back to Cayle, I see him looking visibly nervous. "What?"
"I'd like in on this." He pulls his eyes back up to reach mine. "To help find him, you know? If that's cool with you."
"Yeah, of course." I make a face at him. "I thought you were going to be involved anyway."
That's how things always go with me. Cayle's always in somehow.
It was such a foregone conclusion I hadn't considered the idea that he wasn't in it.
"You seriously thought I'd say no?"
Cayle smiles at me before shrugging. "I don't know. Apparently this is the biggest piece of inter-governmental cooperation since 9/11. So I really wasn't taking anything for granted."
"You're in. Go on?" I wave him to proceed.
"Anyway…really most of my day was getting paperwork from…your mom together so that when the day comes, you don't have to." Cayle grabs a fork and starts stabbing the first potato.
"My mom?" I repeat after him. "Why?"
Cayle stabs the potato without replying for a minute. "They moved from radiation to a new kind of chemo for your Dad on Tuesday. It didn't go great."
"Well yeah, it's chemo. So that was it for the week?"
With Mom the first couple of rounds were all they did that week. Then things began progressing and…
That no longer was an option.
"You know how all this goes." Cayle nods. "By the way, is that why you haven't let Sabine look at your safe?"
"No, there's a lot of reasons for that…"
The AR that I have in there now, Elias' stuff that'd be very hard to explain. Pistol, my passport and paperwork from the Council justifying my being here. The spare lightsaber crystals I've got, Elias' old Nintendo DS…
Without another word to Cayle, I lock my front door, open the side door to the closest holding the safe, spin in the combination and open the door.
Everything's still here.
My eyes scan across the random assortment of things, both from my old life and my new one before falling upon the matte black plastic box.
Taking a single step into the safe, I reach in and grab the box before I allow myself to read the label.
CERTIFICATE
This certificate certifies that:
Mira Paige Miller Bridger
Is hereof located in this container as of: 4/30/—
And was cremated on April 30th at Central Park Crematory, Inc.
Lothal, Texas 78837
Cremation Number: 122272005 Manager: —
THIS CERTIFICATE MUST ACCOMPANY CREMAINS UNTIL FAMILY CHOOSES MORE PERMANENT STORAGE
…
…
…
Whenever we find Elias, I'll ask him.
That's been my plan all along, and I'm going to do it.
"Love you Mom." I say under my breath before reaching up and wiping the layer of dust that's accumulated on top of the box before setting it back down where it was before and shut the door.
Not allowing myself to give in to nostalgia and give anything else a look.
"So how bad is it really?" I ask when I make my way back to Cayle, who has finished prepping the potatoes.
Cayle waves for me to follow him before saying "Twos, is the live feed on?"
"Twos?"
"Yes, Master Cayle." Twos confirms for me.
Why would Twos have access—
"Throw it up."
A virtual screen appears between the two of us, displaying a plain white room with various items scattered all around it.
Books, papers, a small setup for a game of chess, a toilet, sink and mirror…
"And this is a live feed?" I say, my voice somehow coming out evenly.
Cayle passes me on the way out to my patio. "Yup."
The sound of the glass door opening and closing barely reaches me as I eye the huddled mass underneath the blanket on the bed in the far corner of the room.
His head's barely visible on the pillow.
What do you know…the legendary hair of Lord Sidious is finally gone.
He used to keep his hair long. Said it was because he was a hippie at heart, which made since because he grew up during that whole era…
I release my tensions out into the Force, only for her to accept them readily before I feel Cayle as walks back into the apartment.
"He looks like crap."
Cayle laughs before slipping past me. "Yeah…I thought he looked like shit too. He's lost a lot of weight to, which I'm sure is no surprise."
Not a surprise at all…
He must be skin and bone underneath those blankets.
"You know, I have to admit I'm surprised the Council is allowing this." I turn to Cayle and gesture at the screen.
A live feed of my Dad's cell. Straight into my apartment through my AI.
Cayle for whatever reason, smiles. "I don't know this 100% for sure. But?" he turns back to the pork chops. "They're not going to get in the way on family matters such as this. He's your Dad, and you deserve to have everything we have on him at your beck and call too."
Isn't that dangerous?
Seems very unlike the Council.
"By the way, I know you don't like him. But…I'm sorry man."
I shrug and turn back to the live feed, where it appears that my Dad is still fast asleep.
Those lights seem too bright for them to be real. I bet the lights are on a low setting and the image is being altered to appear like the lights are on full blast.
It's white light. Very hard to fall asleep with bright white light shining all around when you're trying to sleep.
"Don't be sorry." I finally answer Cayle. "No need to be."
He deserves this.
When I look back to him, Cayle turns away from me. "Think of it this way, it gives more credence to your theory about—"
"It's not a theory!" I snap off at him.
It's not! It's a damned fact!
I saw the lab results. I ran them myself.
There was trace residue of Polonium-210 in that mustard bottle.
It's a damn miracle I had enough of a brain when I was twelve to find some lead baggies from the Science lab and keep it hidden.
Otherwise I'd probably be dead too, or maybe a cancer survivor myself for handling the damn stuff. Mom ate it. Dad handled it…
But I had a hunch. And it turned out to be right.
The stupid ass Council has never bought it, as if I'd just flip my whole entire life around on a cockamamie theory I cooked up. Only Hera's really bought it. Enough to go and actually look at the real thing, which I think is still being stored in the Temple in the Florida Keys, under extreme protection.
For the Temple surrounding it instead of the actual item.
"I don't want to fight about this." Cayle breaks through my thoughts. "Especially not today. Okay?"
His expression gives off a slight, pleading appearance before I waver and nod.
"Thank you…you've had a shitty enough twenty four hours, we don't need to fight about this."
(Sabine Wren POV)
The movie on the TV continues as I blow my nose into another tissue then sniffle.
Today's such a disaster…
It was going so good! Class was easy, got to dress up and pose and all that with the girls in soccer.
And then I screwed it up. Di'kut… (A/N: Idiot…)
My eyes fall back onto my phone on the coffee table here in the theater room, next to the extra-large glass of wine Jaicey poured for me as soon as she let me into the house.
Don't text him. He's not worth it.
I mean, what is there to say? It's been ten months! What would he want anyway, for it not to be awkward?!
All we've got are the shattered remnants of what used to be a fairy tale.
I can't believe I actually thought that we were actually the fairy tale story.
Meet when we're kids, get together, do everything together, be everything for each other. Grow up, have kids, get married and grow old together.
Jaicey's latest footsteps pull me out of my nostalgia before she appears beyond the curtain. "Dinner's here."
Dinner…
I can't stop an involuntary whimper as another pang of guilt flushes me.
"What?" Jaicey asks, setting a whole pizza down next to me.
"Ezra was making dinner…"
And now that's wrecked. Add it to the list of things I've ruined.
Everything I touch dies.
"That's just bad timing. You guys were way overdue for a fight. I'm sorry you had it, but it's probably not a bad thing." Jaicey says gently, then cracks open her pizza box.
That does smell good…
Gathering up my courage, I pop open my own box and see that Jaicey's supreme order was right on target, complete with little packets of ranch tucked away in the corner.
"I wanna help you, but you kind of have to talk to me." Jaicey cuts through the silence, halfway into her first bite.
"I didn't mean to fight with him. I—"
"Again, you guys were way, way overdue." Jaicey says before taking another bite. "This tightrope you've been walking? Both of you are on edge."
I tried taking a different tact. Tried actually talking about it. And I failed miserably.
"The last time I had a fight like that, I lost him forever."
I can't lose Ezra forever.
"You won't." Jaicey smiles at me. "I bet he feels as guilty as you do. Guaranteed. That boy walks around in a shining suit of armor."
"Or a doormat. He—"
I occupy myself with a bite of pizza, leaving the two of us in relative silence, only broken up by Jaicey's movie that she turned the volume down on.
"I don't think he's a doormat. You said it yourself, he's complicated and not very experienced at being in a relationship like this."
And I don't help by how weird I make things.
"Although his speech was ridiculous."
Speech?
"Yeah, what'd he actually say?" I ask, then take another bite as Jaicey discards the crust into the trash can between us, stacked high with tissues I cried into. "
"Well, the more important question is what did he tell you?" Jaicey turns it around on me.
Really?
"Basically that it's not a fairy tale and that I need to let him go if I truly care about him."
And move on.
"No, that's what he said." Jaicey confirms for me. "His focus was that both of you needed to move on. Him especially, but it sounds to me like you need to too."
"I am moving on!" I reply quickly. "Trying to! You know how hard that is!"
Everybody does!
"And it doesn't just magically happen. I know you want to wait before you get into anything too. And that's good!" Jaicey smiles at me.
"I smell a huge but coming." I quip, then take another bite.
This pizza is good.
Jaicey wiggles her hips sarcastically before continuing. "But this is both of you guys' fault. Like you said, he's a doormat and you've been walking all over him and taking advantage of—"
"I haven't meant to!"
"—I don't care if you mean to or not!" Jaicey retorts. "Here you are! Aren't you?!"
…
…
"Yeah."
"A lot of this would be cleared up if you guys just admitted what things are right now. Best friends with the best benefits—"
Jaice—
"—and don't you dare tell me you're not sleeping with him. You wear his shirts almost as much as your own. You're always at his apartment, you never leave the other's side—"
"Jaice—."
"And that's okay!" Jaicey cuts me off again. "I'm not judging, you know how last week went for me. Can't throw stones if you're in a glass house."
"They feel like stones."
Jaicey smirks and I sip my wine before she continues. "They're skipping stones, more romantic." She smiles. "You guys have to learn to trust each other. And I think you're trying."
"I—"
No, he is…
"Spit it out…" Jaicey calls after me before taking a pointed bite of pizza crust.
"I don't think he trusts himself?" I say, unsure even as I say it. "I'm still working on it."
Jaicey's eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean?"
"Like, obviously, he's got stuff he can't tell me. For my own protection."
Jaicey nods while using a napkin. "Yeah, makes sense. He's a super stealth Jedi spy."
"But not just that." I counter. "The other day I was looking for a ruler in his desk for a painting."
"Where was he? Was I there?"
"Later that day." I nod. "And he usually has one in his backpack, which was by the couch and his coffee table. You with me?"
"Yeah." She nods in confirmation.
"Well I find it, then drop it on the ground in between the coffee table and the couch. So I reach down to get it. Only to see…"
…
Jaicey just peers at me before I exhale. "He's got a gun hidden underneath his coffee table. Tucked away in its own little compartment."
"Hidden?" Jaicey lowers her napkin. "Like…it's meant to be there?"
"Exactly." I confirm.
And the safe. I'm sure there's a gun in his safe.
"We don't know what it is that he does. And like you said, he doesn't tell us to protect us. The Jedi might use him as like an assassin or something. You know he can do it, just look at UCLA—"
You don't even know the half of it.
"—he can do it, has done it. And I'm sure there's more he can't say. But the Jedi, for whatever reason, are letting him be normal and go to school with us. We probably weren't supposed to know any of this."
"We weren't." I nod and confirm.
"See? He's walking a tightrope and has missed it a couple of times. He's not perfect, and neither are you. By the way, I didn't ask last time at lunch but I'll ask now—"
Oh no.
"This doesn't have anything to do with you being Mandalorian and him being with the Jedi, does it? Because I know you and his Jedi friend are always butting heads."
"Because he's a moron."
"He doesn't seem that bad to me." Jaicey smiles at me. "And Ezra clearly trusts him. He probably doesn't like how you just became so important to him. He's a stupid guy, he's being selfish."
"Or he's arrogant and a prick!" I counter. "I don't understand why Ezra likes him so much…"
Jaicey tilts her head, then smiles widely. "Opposites attract. Ezra's calm, cool, collected and he's fiery and not nearly as well trained as he is."
I snort out a laugh at 'well trained', then sip my wine again.
"How'd you know about the Mandalorian and the Jedi?"
"JJ." Jaicey shrugs. "He mentioned it a long time ago, he's been on this kick ever since I've known him. Still won't stop, even though he is trying for me…"
"Ding dong ding dong…" I start singing and waving my hands around, imitating wedding bells.
"Oh stop it." Jaicey orders me.
I keep dancing for a few seconds before giving her a knowing smile. "You guys seem to have fixed things right back up."
"Yeah." She nods, smiling while her eyes drop down to her half eaten pizza. "He…he's done a lot to show me that he's sorry. Too much, probably."
"Like the flowers in the kitchen?"
That look fresh and are beautiful.
Jaicey beams and nods. "Not even that. Did I ever tell you he talked to that Daisy girl again?"
"Why are you smiling about that?!"
That sounds awful!
"No no, sorry." Jaicey backtracks. "He made me promise that I wouldn't blow Ezra's cover. Then he just called her. You know how I was afraid he was cheating on me with her?"
"Yeah."
"He's not. She has a boyfriend in Austin, Texas. But even then, she's always traveling around the world. They're just friends."
Secret conspiracy friends.
"And she was super nice. Apparently he'd mentioned me in passing a few times. Said she's been rooting for us the longer we keep dating." Jaicey laughs. "She said she wanted to come to the wedding."
Aww…
"Anyway, that's…not the point!" Jaicey declares. "Good job distracting me. We gotta talk this through before you go back to Ezra's—"
"No I don't!" I yelp. "I can't!"
"Yeah, you have to!" Jaicey overrules me. "You shouldn't run from a fight and sleep in your dorm tonight. You're both cooling off, then we'll send you back so you can fix things right back up."
"No!" I protest. "Jaicey, I yelled at him and—"
Jaicey talks right over my objections. "All the more reason to tackle it head on! Don't let it fester. It's just your first real fight as a couple. Now…"
A couple?
"Are you really over this Brett guy? Or are you just saying you are but you're not. Because all this is pointless if you still love him, deep down."
…
…
"I still care about him, want him to be happy. But we're never going to be together. Or even good friends again." I answer honestly.
It's too late. It's ruined.
"Good. Because Ezra's right one this one. If you care about him that much, you need to love him enough to let him go. Go back to wherever he's going to school, meet another girl and fall in love with her. And you've got to be okay with that. Alright?!"
Nodding in response, I open another ranch packet and grab some more pizza.
I do want that. I want him to be happy.
It doesn't sound like he's been very happy.
"Ezra's the keeper out of the two. He's a better person, more reliable, and he's got all the physical advantages. He tossed that boy around like a toy. It was almost hilarious. Another point in the whole 'super spy' category." Jaicey smiles.
Great…
"Now what about Ryan?"
"Ryan?" I parrot Jaicey.
There's nothing with Ryan.
"You guys went to that pyramid tour thing together. And he seemed pretty enamored with you. I know you guys were at that concert together and ate with each other a few times. I think he likes you."
"I don't like him." I tell Jaicey. "We just like the same types of music and get along alright. He's…no. No." I shake my head.
I don't like Ryan like that. He's my friend. That's it.
"Does Ezra know that? Because if I noticed, then Matt noticed, and you know they talk about you."
"They do?"
Jaicey nods while taking a bite. "JJ's told me all sorts of stuff, how Ezra drags his feet, giving you space. Which is cute, but I wish he wouldn't."
"No, he should. Ezra's being smart. JJ told you?"
What about that stupid guy code thing?
"Pillow talk. He'll be all loopy and blissful and tell me what's going on from that end of things." Jaicey smiles at me before dunking half of her crust in her ranch. "You should tell Ezra. That probably helped bring this on. Like I said—"
"I—"
"You guys were way overdue for this fight." Jaicey says definitively. "There's a difference between the little spats you've had, and an actual fight. Back and forth, yelling at each other. And if you do it right, it can be healthy. Which is why you have to go back…and work things out."
I don't know…
"You do love him right? Ezra, that is."
…
…
"I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."
Jaicey smiles. "I know. You said you want to wait. Does he know that?"
Yeah.
I nod and busy myself with my wine glass, feeling Jaicey's smile shining towards me. "95 percent of guys don't have the emotional intelligence he does. You're lucky you found him before some other girl did."
"I know."
He's great. I am really lucky.
"Then if it's meant to be, he'll understand that. Just…when you go back, tell him all of this." Jaicey says before I glance up to see her still smiling. "If you don't have trust…"
You don't have anything.
We both sit in silence for a moment before I reach for my—
"Aaahh!" I yelp as suddenly, Jaicey's phone goes off.
Jaicey scrambles to pick it up. "It's JJ. He must be at his hotel." She explains before tapping on her phone's screen. "Hey, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Can we talk later?"
"Yeah…" I hear JJ's reply. "Just got to the hotel. Curfew's at midnight, so call before then. What's going on?"
"Sabine and Ezra finally had a fight."
"Finally!" JJ cheers. "Maybe finally they can—"
"Bye!" Jaicey ends the calls abruptly, saving her boyfriend from himself before turning back to me.
Maybe.
If he even lets me back into the apartment.
I did yell at him.
(Sabine Wren POV)
10:45 PM
The door of the Uber closes heavily behind me before I begin walking toward the stairs and back up towards Ezra's apartment.
I've got the key he gave me if he locked the door. But Cayle's still probably here, for whatever reason that he was here in the first place.
Probably more Jedi business.
…
I wish they'd let him live a little. If you're going to let him go to college, then let him go. Leave him alone and let him be normal. This 'half normal, half Jedi' life is not fair to him.
Letting out a sigh, I climb the last set of stairs before I hear some sort of commotion coming from behind Ezra's door.
Uhh…
Pausing for just a moment, I hear something slam shut before there's nothing but silence again.
…
…
Well here goes nothing.
Taking a steadying breath, I reach out and knock three times on Ezra's door, then take a step back.
He doesn't have to let you back in. it's his apa—
The door swings open, revealing Ezra in the exact same outfit that I left him in.
Grey-ish, black V-neck t-shirt that's sort of tight on him. Jeans with a belt lazily around his waist and his normal grey Adidas shoes.
Hair's the same too. Messily spiked, sticking up in the back a little bit.
He's always said it just grows like that. He can't stop it.
"Hey." Ezra says, sounding nervous. "You're back."
Before I can say anything, he smiles at me. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course…" He steps aside and lets me come in.
Dishes in the kitchen sink catch my eye before I spot Ezra's credit card just sitting on the counter.
"We, uhm, Cayle and I made dinner without you. I'm sorry." Ezra apologizes behind me.
He must see me looking in the kitchen.
"It's okay, I ate at Jaicey's. How was it?"
"Good." Ezra answers as I turn around to see him looking anxious before rubbing the back of his neck. "The potato recipe needs some work. Came out dry."
"Dry?"
How'd the potato come out dry?
"You're supposed to use two layers of foil, and I only used one. Thought the recipe was wrong. Nope." He makes a face, looking embarrassed. "What'd you eat at Jaicey's?"
"Pizza."
Don't tell him you had two glasses of wine, that'll make him think you're just here because you're drunk.
I'm not drunk. I'm slightly buzzed, hence the Uber. But I'm not here for that.
I'm here to say sorry.
"Oh." Ezra replies. "That sounds good."
…
Oh no. This is getting awkward. Fix it Sabine.
"Ezra, I—"
"Sabine, I—"
The two of us stop talking at the same time, leaving us just staring at each other for a moment before Ezra takes a step forward.
"I'm sorry I yelled earlier. I—" He starts before I stop him from digging himself a hole.
"You didn't yell at me, I was the one yelling. You were right. I…I'm sorry."
"No I'm not. I shouldn't have taken that cheap shot about Ryan. And I messed up about how I wanted to tell you about the whole Brett thing. It's…it's been eating at me all day. And I'm sorry."
All day?!
Without thinking, I step forward and grab his forearm. "That's why you were out of the house all day…"
"Maybe…" Ezra avoids my eye. "Possibly."
"Potentially." I add, before I giggle. My giggle gets a nervous laugh out of him, and I can't help but step closer to him.
He's wearing some sort of cologne again.
Smells great.
"I didn't mean half of what I said earlier." I confess, then lean up against him. Ezra immediately engulfs me in his arms before I continue. "I'm…I'm trying to get over Brett. I just didn't know he was here was all…you guys were never meant to meet each other."
Ever. They're like two different parts of my life.
"It's okay to have an overreaction." He says, sounding like he understands. "It's overwhelming. I probably would have freaked too."
"But I shouldn't have run away. It was just that Cayle showed up I got mad and…"
I ran away from the problem.
"I'm sorry."
Ezra exhales slightly before I feel his arms shake as they're holding me. "It's okay. He said he was just going to duck in and out, but heard us fighting. And you know him and his help—"
"It's not help at all." I laugh it off. "Why was he here?"
…
…
He's not answering.
"Ezra?"
"You're not going to like it."
Poking my head up, I frown at him. "And?"
Your point?
…
"I, uhm…with the whole Brett thing. I, uhm…I got him a ticket home."
"You what?!" I blurt out.
Ezra gives me a wary look before continuing. "He didn't need to be hanging around LA, moping Sabine. So I did the only thing that popped into my head. Gave Cayle my card and said buy him a ticket home."
"And?"
"That's what he did this morning." Ezra shrugs. "He wanted to give it back earlier today, but he sort of had a day himself."
"That makes three of us." I joke, getting Ezra to laugh which allows me to begrudgingly smile.
…
"You shouldn't have done that Ezra." I sigh. "How much did it cost you, I'll split it—"
"I got it—"
"Ezra!" I snap at him. "You can't just do that!"
"I can, and I did." He says, suddenly looking defiant. "You both need time and apace from each other, as long as you want to get over him."
But you can't just go—
"You…are trying to still get over him right? Because it kind of sounded like—"
"I am." I quickly nod and rush back to him. "I…I'm really bad at it. But you probably already knew that."
Ezra smirks before dropping his head. "Nobody's good at it. It's a discipline thing."
"I didn't totally mean what I said. I…I didn't mean to hurt him."
I…
"We all do things we don't mean to." He replies, his voice rumbling through his chest. "You meant well, but now…you've got to let him heal. On his own."
"I…" I start before my voice gets caught up in my throat. "I'm not sure I'm a good person. I—"
Ezra pulls me even closer to his chest and kisses my hair. "Yeah, you are. Nobody's perfect, and nobody breaks up perfect. It comes in fits and starts. Progress isn't linear Sabine."
Yeah…
"And you've got to forgive yourself too when you make mistakes. I'm not very good at it either."
"But you don't make many mistakes." I counter before feeling Ezra barely tense up.
Huh?
"You don't see many of my mistakes. They're there though." He says, almost in a whisper.
"Like what?" I ask out of curiosity.
Ezra does tense right up this time, and I slightly separate from him. "Ez—"
"The whole…UCLA thing. I…I'm not a good guy."
YES YOU ARE!
"That's your job though. You said that. And you are a good person…you saved all those other people. You're a hero." I say before really thinking about it.
Yeah.
My Ezra's a hero.
"I'm no hero." Ezra shakes his head. "I…just do the best I can. And sometimes it hasn't been enough."
…
…
That's dark.
"Sounds to me like you're not forgiving yourself either."
Thankfully, Ezra laughs again before I pull myself back to him. "Like I said, I'm bad at it."
"Finally." I joke, getting another rumble from deep inside Ezra. "Something you're not good at."
I feel Ezra shake his head before he pecks my hair again. "Are we okay?"
"I should be asking you that." I counter, then peer up at him.
God he's…handsome.
Ezra looks down at me with his piercing blue eyes before he smiles. "I'm okay if you're okay."
—
—
—
—
…
Breaking apart from Ezra, his eyes remain shut for a split second longer, in time for me to see him open his eyes again. "Better." I smile at him.
Much better.
Ezra barely shakes his head while giving me a funny look. "You…I know where this is going."
Well yeah. It would have gone there before all this started if you hadn't started dinner early.
We could have worked all this out in bed…and had no problems.
But no…
"C'mon then…" I grab his hand and start leading him back to the bedroom.