Brave
Summary: Wendy has never considered herself brave. But when she finds out about Cana's deepest secret, and finds out why the girl she looks up to is so depressed, she decides that its time to give this bravery thing a shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own
Warning: References to depression and alcoholism (its Cana)
AN: Bad summary, I know. But I promise the fic is better than it! And since he pointed out that I forgot to credit him: thank you shitfiredragon for the idea on why Cana kept losing!
Wendy was very proud to say that she was adjusting to her new life in Fairy Tail quite well.
Sure, she missed Cait Shelter, even though they hadn't been real they'd still been real to her. It… some days were easier than others, but everyone in Fairy Tail had gone out of their way to make sure she felt welcome and it was wonderful.
Everyone was going out of their way in order to include her in things like the flower-viewing festival and the twenty-four hour race. Erza and Lucy were constantly checking in on her- to make sure she knew her way around Magnolia, that she had someone to go with her on jobs, and even to just offer her and Carla some company.
Natsu might be loud but it was amazing to have another dragon slayer around. Gajeel was nice too, even if he did treat her like a pip.
Fairy Hills had gone from a place to live to feeling like a home, and all the other girls were so nice to her. Wendy knew that it wasn't right to play favorites, but if she had to pick then it would definitely be Cana.
She'd been intimidating at first- loud, abrasive, and kind of pushy- but as Wendy got to know her she realized that you really can't judge a book by its cover.
While everyone else treated her like a kid, Cana didn't.
Cana treated her like any other person; she never tried to push Wendy to eat her vegetables or censored her language around her or treated her like she wasn't a capable wizard. She listened to what she had to say and respected her decisions. But she still made sure that Wendy knew that her door was always open if she needed something- whether it was someone to go on a job with her or just wanting to sit with another person, Cana was always available.
It was odd but being with Cana gave Wendy a warm feeling in her chest that previously only Grandeeny had sparked. She just had this motherly kind of air where she made you feel safe without being overbearing.
Even tonight, when Wendy slipped into the card mage's room during one of the worst storms in years, the brunette hadn't even commented, just moved over to give the bluenette space to sit on her bed with her.
Wendy flinched at the crash of lightning echoed by booming thunder overhead, and a hand gently reached out to pull her against Cana.
The shy dragon slayer looked up at the older girl who smiled gently at her and rubbed soothing circles into her back.
Cana wasn't a replacement for Grandeeny, but she made an awesome big sister.
oOOOOo
Late one night when Wendy and Cana were the last two in the common area of Fairy Hills, the blunette finally got up the nerve to ask a question that had been in the back of her mind for weeks.
"Hey Cana?" She asked, getting the older girl's attention," Why do you drink so much?"
Cana blinked at the question and then let out a small mirthless laugh that made something pull deep inside her stomach.
The card mage looked at the bottle in her hand, before addressing the question," Its just a bad habit that I'm not quite ready to shake."
"What do you mean?" Wendy asked, cocking her head to the side.
Cana shook her head and pulled Wendy into a one-armed hug," Everybody drinks for a reason kiddo. Some people drink to socialize, some people drink just to get drunk, some drink to escape and then there are people like me, who drink because we just don't know what to do with ourselves."
The bluenette didn't even have to verbalize her next question as Cana clarified.
"I was in a bad place when I started drinking- the alcohol dulled the pain, but after some time I started drinking because I'd forgotten how to be happy without it. I'd tell myself that it was just because the booze at the guild tasted great, but that wasn't true." The brunette set the bottle down on the small coffee table in front of them with a heavy clunk," The reason I was drinking was because I was trying to drown my demons."
"…what sort of demons?" Wendy whispered; not sure she'd like the answer.
Cana gave the younger girl a wry smirk," All sorts." She answered, not elaborating and moving on with her story," Eventually I got myself to a point where I realized that I couldn't lean on alcohol like a crutch- because all that would get me is an empty bank account and a trashed liver. So, I started working on it, and now, barring the occasional slip, the only times I drink to excess are when I'm surrounded by people I care about and who care about me. When I'm alone its fine to drink for taste- but its no use trying to drown your demons when they know how to swim."
"I don't understand." The dragon slayer admitted, and the card mage just pulled her a little closer.
"And that's totally fine." She assured her," You're young, but sooner or later you will understand, and when you do, you'll know that you have all of us here to rely on. But let me tell you something." Here the seriousness of the conversation vanished as Cana gave her one of her trademark teasing grins," If I ever catch you touching one drop before you're of age, I'll make you wish for Master's punishment game. Got that?"
"Got it!" Wendy said with a bright smile.
Cana checked the time and sighed," I think its about time for me to hit the hay kiddo- you coming?" She asked, gesturing towards the stairs with her chin.
The bluenette nodded," Yeah I'm pretty tired." She admitted.
And she followed what had become a comfortable part of their routine, with Cana gently herding her to her door. But before she went in, Wendy wrapped her arms around the older girl's waist in a hug.
"You can rely on me too Cana." She said quietly.
The brunette gave her a gentle grin," I know kiddo. If I ever need help, you'll be the one I call for. Now goodnight."
"Goodnight."
oOOOOo
Cana wasn't acting like herself.
Wendy couldn't put her finger on just what was wrong, but it was clear something was bothering her.
Everybody else was going crazy welcoming Gildarts home, but Cana just looked sad.
The brunette was in a corner nursing a barrel with an exhausted expression. Her shoulders curled in on herself like she was carrying too much weight and her eyes seemed dull.
"Cana, are you okay?" The bluenette asked in concern.
The card mage started and looked at her with wide eyes, before her expression twisted into a forced smile," I'm fine kiddo."
"You don't look fine." Wendy pointed out as she took a seat at the table Cana was sitting on top of. "You look sad."
The brunette shook her head and tilted the barrel back to gulp the last of her beer," Woo that hit the spot!" She said loudly with false enthusiasm. "Think I'm going to head home early tonight- see ya tomorrow Wendy." She said as she grabbed her bag and quickly left the guild hall, leaving Wendy standing there.
"Is something wrong Wendy?" Mira asked sweetly as she came to collect the empty barrel.
"Mira do you know what's bothering Cana?"
The white-haired girl blinked," What do you mean?"
The dragon slayer shifted her weight nervously," Its just… she's not acting like herself. I tried asking but she just said everything was fine and walked away. But I know it's not."
The She-Devil sighed," Well, she always gets upset around this time of year. I wouldn't worry too much; she usually gets over it quickly."
"What do you mean? Why does she get upset?" The bluenette asked in concern.
Mira motioned for the younger girl to follow her as she carried the barrel back to the bar," You see the S-Class Trials are coming up soon- for all the years Cana's been nominated she's never been able to win. This time of year, she usually drinks more than she usually does and says she's going to leave the guild if she doesn't win this year."
"What?" Wendy asked in shock, her eyes wide and hands covering her mouth.
"Oh, don't worry she won't actually leave." Mira assured her," She's been saying it for years and she hasn't left yet- don't worry this will pass. It always does."
"Why hasn't she been promoted yet?"
The bartender sighed again as she prepared another round of mugs," She just has a lot of bad luck I guess- her first time Laxus was in a bad mood and he broke her arm in four places. The second, well…" Her cheeks heated up," Well- you see Erza and I got a bit… overzealous and we kinda… put her in the hospital for a month…"
At Wendy's horrified look, the She-Devil rushed to clarify.
"It was an accident!" She said defensively," We were fighting, and Cana tried to sneak past us and well, things got out of control. It all worked out for the best though, because when we got her to the hospital it turned out that Cana had some kind of disease and they were able to treat her before it really got started!"
"…was she in the hospital for treatment for a month or for what you guys did to her?"
"A-anyway the third time she competed she got food poisoning right before everything got started," Mira continued, ignoring the healer's question as she rambled on," She actually still managed to put up a good fight but got disqualified in the final round because she was throwing up so bad, she couldn't fight. The trials were canceled the year after that because of Lisanna, and her fourth try she made it all the way to the end but Erza tossed her off a cliff."
"Was she hurt?!" Wendy gasped.
"No, she was just really mad- Master had to fish her out of the ocean." The white-haired girl let out a small giggle at the memory," She looked like a drowned kitten and she was swearing like a sailor and insulting everything Erza stood for. She actually got strawberry cake banned from Magnolia for almost six months. Erza was devastated."
"Wow." Wendy commented for lack of anything else to say," But why does she get so upset? Even though she hasn't won yet doesn't mean that she won't."
"Sometimes things just aren't that simple Wendy." Mira said solemnly," Even though she's pretty much S-Class in everything but name, it still does a lot to her self-esteem."
"Oi Mira!" Somebody yelled from across the hall," Another round!"
"Coming right up!" She called back sweetly, hefting the tray with practiced ease," Don't worry Wendy- she always gets over it, this time isn't going to be any different. You'll see."
"Okay…" Wendy said uncertainly as she watched the older girl walk away.
What Mira was saying sounded reasonable. After all, she'd known Cana longer than she had- if she said that she would go back to normal, then she was probably right, but… why was there this feeling that was telling her there was more to it than that?
oOOOOo
Cana pulled the cork out of another bottle and took a long swig, the alcohol having long since lost its burn as it slid down her throat.
She surveyed her room with tired eyes- she almost couldn't even see the original floor under the carpet of empty bottles that littered the room.
She'd made it through her entire stock- so why was she still feeling like crap?
Oh yeah- tolerance and high-functioning alcoholism. Those pay-offs of her years of heavy drinking were coming back to bite her in the ass. She'd had enough to drain an entire bar and she was barely buzzed.
There were better ways to handle your issues than drinking, but it was way too late to change her coping methods now.
A knock at her door made the brunette blearily turn her head. At first, she was just going to ignore it, but then a familiar voice came from the other side.
"Cana? Its me, Wendy." The little dragon slayer said clearly," I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."
If it was anyone else, she would've ignored them and lost absolutely no sleep over it (well maybe Levy was an exception to that- she was too cute to be mad at for long), but it was Wendy.
Wendy who was sweet and wonderful.
Wendy who was like her little sister.
Wendy who relied on her.
Wendy who looked at her like she was someone worth looking up to.
It would be a cold day in hell when she ignored Wendy.
Cana pulled herself to her feet, sending empty bottles rolling as she kicked them on her way to the door- the clinking of glass on glass reminded her of the ghost tree that Old Lady Rangiku had in her back yard.
She cracked the door open, immediately met with concerned brown eyes.
"Sorry I ran off on you like that Wendy." Cana said, remembering the way she'd abandoned the girl in the guildhall when the weight pressed down too hard," I'm okay though, you don't have to worry."
Wendy looked up at her with those eyes that seemed to see past all of her walls like they were made of glass. "No, you're not." The girl protested," Cana- you're always there when I need help. You listen to whatever I have to say, and you always give me good advice. But you're hurting." The dragon slayer looked pleadingly at her," You're always there to help me, please let me help you!"
"…well how can I say no to that?" Cana said with a sigh, even if she'd had any fight in her it would've died when faced with Wendy. She pulled the door open all the way. "Come on in kiddo." She said with a weak grin when Wendy brightened.
The girl seemed to ignore the bottles on the floor, focusing only on her big sister as she shut the door and took a seat next to her.
"Make yourself comfortable- this is a long story, and I'd like to take my time with it."
oOOOOo
Wendy couldn't believe it.
She stared at her sister with her eyes almost popping out of her skull and her jaw hanging open.
For her part Cana just smiled sadly at her," So, there it is. You are now officially the very first person I have ever told my secret to."
"Cana you have to tell him!" She blurted out before she could stop herself," Gildarts deserves to know and you deserve to be happy!"
The brunette shook her head," Its not that easy kiddo." She said, and oh how Wendy hated that look on her face- her sister was too strong to look so defeated," Maybe if I was as brave as you, I'd be able to do it, but I'm not."
"But Cana-!" Any other protest Wendy could have made were silenced by a loud rap on the door.
"Wendy? Are you in there child? Please come out it is after midnight!" Carla's prim and proper voice rang out sharply.
The brunette shrugged and pulled herself to her feet," Carla's got a point Wendy- go get some sleep, we can talk about this in the morning."
"But-!"
"No buts." She said firmly and softened. Cana wrapped her arms around the smaller girl in a tight hug," Thank you for listening kiddo, it felt nice to get this all off my chest."
Before Wendy could respond, Cana opened the door and pushed her out and into the hallway," Sorry I kept her so long Carla!" She said cheerfully, as though nothing had happened.
The white cat made a disapproving sound when she heard the clinking of the empty bottles," I trust you did not give Wendy anything?"
"Of course not." The brunette said in offense," One she's underage and two, nobody drinks my booze but me."
Carla rolled her eyes, but didn't comment further," Now to bed with you." She ordered her protesting charge as she herded her down the hall," Anything else can wait until tomorrow."
oOOOOo
Late that night Wendy laid awake.
Her mind too cluttered in thoughts to sleep.
Cana was the daughter of the guild's strongest wizard- but he didn't know.
Gildarts had no idea that he was standing in the same room as his daughter. Had no idea that he had watched his daughter grow up all these years. Or that she'd been tearing herself apart all these years because she just couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth.
'Maybe if I was as brave as you, I'd be able to do it, but I'm not.'
Wendy had never thought of herself as brave- if anything she was among the weaker members of the guild.
She always had to be protected from whatever monster they went up against- she was herded from safe place to safe place. She supported the brave people with her imbuement magic, she healed their wounds so they could keep on fighting. But she had never considered herself brave.
Cana was though.
Even before all this- Cana had never not been brave in her eyes.
She fought in the guildhall and never hesitated when the odds seemed to be stacked against her. She took jobs that had her fighting off whole dark guilds all by herself and she was the only person in Fairy Hills who could go down into the basement without batting an eye.
Not even Erza could do that.
And now with all of this… it was difficult for her to get out of bed in the morning, but without fail she put on a smile and walked with her head held high. She didn't hesitate, she didn't show her pain- she faced the world that made her feel so sad every. Single. Day.
And Cana thought that she- the little healer who always needed to be protected by everyone- was the brave one.
Her big sister had been walking around with an open, festering, wound for twelve years- as a healer, Wendy could not allow this to stand.
It was time to follow her big sister's example and be brave.
oOOOOo
He seemed so much bigger up close. Like a mountain of muscles and magic power that was incredibly clumsy to boot.
But Wendy squared her shoulders and approached the intimidating man: she had to be brave like Cana.
"Excuse me, Mister Gildarts?" The giant of a man looked down at her in bemusement and she swallowed her nerves," I need to have a word with you. Alone."
Gildarts raised an eyebrow but nodded," Alright." He said as he stood up to follow her," Can I ask what this is about?"
Wendy shook her head," Not until we're alone." She said firmly," I promise to explain, but this isn't the kind of conversation that needs an audience."
The crash mage looked even more curious as the bluenette lead him to South Gate Park.
Once they were there Wendy faltered as she stared up at the strongest wizard in the guild. Was she doing the right thing?
"So, what's up?" Gildarts asked directly as he leaned back against a tree," You said you had something to tell me?"
"That's right." The dragon slayer latched onto this opportunity like a lifeline. It was now or never. "Cana is my friend Mister Gildarts and all I want is for her to be happy. Lately she hasn't been acting like herself, and last night she finally told me why. The reason she joined the guild was because she was trying to find you."
"What?" The man blurted out, honestly surprised. "Why would she do something like that?" And why was the kid telling him about it? He and Cana had spoken maybe ten words to each other in all the time that she'd been with the guild- why would she have joined the guild because of him?
The blue haired girl looked him in the eye," Because she's your daughter."
…what?
"She's your daughter."
Oh, he must have said that last out loud.
Wendy kept going, not waiting for Gildarts to catch up as she rushed to get the whole story out," Her mother told her about you Mister Gildarts, and when she died, Cana came here because she wanted to find you. She has been trying to tell you who she really was for years- and it's eating her alive! Mister Gildarts-" The bluenette felt tears build as her sister's hopeless face flashed through her mind," All she's ever wanted was your attention- she wants you to be proud of her and love her as your daughter. But she feels like you would be ashamed of her- that you would have preferred it if Natsu was your child instead of her- and- "
Wendy took a huge gulp of air as she tried to calm down enough to finish," And Mister Gildarts, Cana is so sad she can't get up in the morning. She feels like the whole guild would be better off if she wasn't here anymore and I had to do something! She needs you Mister Gildarts!"
She finally chanced a look up at the mountain of a man- he was frozen in place. His eyes were wide, and his jaw was loose. This powerful man seemed so fragile right now a single push could have knocked him over.
"Mister Gildarts…?"
That seemed to trigger something as he reeled back, the tree he'd been leaning on exploding in a shower of cubes.
Wendy let out a shriek as she curled in on herself, arms above her head to protect her from the rubble. Once she was sure that it was over, she looked back at the man to see his face twisting into something utterly helpless.
"Mister Gildarts are you okay?" She asked in concern.
"I- I don't- "He stuttered.
The dragon slayer walked over and grabbed his hand," I'm sorry to spring this all on you." She said sincerely," Cana should have been the one, but… I-I just didn't know what else to do."
The man was silent for a moment, before he finally spoke up," Hey kid, do you...?" He trailed off, unable to finish his question, but Wendy understood loud and clear.
"She's probably still at Fairy Hills- she sleeps in on Saturdays." Wendy informed him and began tugging him along with her," Come on, I'll show you where it is."
oOOOOo
Cana let out a frustrated growl as she gathered up the bottles on her floor.
That stupid cat just had to tell Erza- why couldn't that stupid thing just mind her own business. Actually- why couldn't Erza just mind her own damn business? Its not like her room being messy was hurting anyone. Bisca's room made the entire first floor smell like a zoo but did she get punished?
A few loud knocks on her door had the card mage barely resisting the urge to chuck an explosive card under the door.
She wrenched the door open with more force then necessary, ready to tear into whoever it was on the other side, but she was left blinking in bemusement when she realized exactly who it was.
Wendy leaned onto the door frame panting heavily as though she'd just run a marathon.
"Wendy?" She asked in confusion and concern," Are you okay- "
"No time!" The bluenette blurted out, grabbing the older girl's hand and dragging her down the stairs," You can be mad at me later, but I had good intentions!"
"What- "The card mage shielded her eyes with her hand reflexively as Wendy dragged her out of the building and she got a face full of sunlight.
After a second of adjusting to the change in light, Cana pulled her hand down, intending to turn around and ask what was going on, but that intention died the second she saw who was standing outside Fairy Hills.
Gildarts stared at her like she was the only person in the world.
She didn't even need to ask any questions to understand exactly what had happened.
He knew the truth and Wendy had been the one to tell him. She had brought him here so that the two of them could talk.
Funny. She would've thought that she'd be mad to find out that someone else told him who she was, but out of the entire mess of emotion flooding through her, anger wasn't anywhere in it.
Her feet seemed to move on their own, taking her down the stairs and towards the man who shared half of her DNA.
Gildarts just stared at her with tears in his eyes and the second she was within reach he pulled her into one of the most incredible hugs she had ever received.
He held her tight to his chest, with her head over his heart. It was everything she'd ever dreamed it would be- safety and warmth coming together in a way that just made her feel loved.
It felt like they stayed that way for hours before Gildarts finally spoke, his voice gruff and tears sliding down his face. "I'm so sorry Cana."
"Don't be." She said, her voice muffled as she buried her face into his chest," I'm the one who kept it hidden."
"I'll never make you feel sad again." He swore as he tightened his hold on her," I'll stay by your side- whether its on a job or out at a bar. We'll always be together."
"That sounds like it might get a little annoying." She said with a hysterical giggle.
"I guess it does." He agreed with a grin," But it'll be true- I've got a lot of time to make up for and a lot of love I need to give. I'd like to start now if that's okay Sweetie."
"S-sounds good to me Dad."
Wendy smiled, tears of her own sliding down her face as she watched the father and daughter embrace.
She'd definitely done the right thing.
oOOOOo
Later that night Wendy was woken by a firm knock on her door.
Groggily she sat up, unsure if she'd actually heard it when it happened again.
"Who could that possibly be at this hour?" Carla asked in irritation as she was also woken up.
"I don't know Carla." Wendy answered as she walked over to the door, still half asleep. She opened it and saw Cana standing on the other side.
The brunette dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around the surprised bluenette.
"Thanks kiddo." She whispered, and Wendy smiled and wrapped her own arms around her big sister.
"I was just trying to be brave like you." The girl said softly," You were always brave enough to do it, but fighting for years can make anybody tired. What are sisters for?
Cana smiled and pulled her closer.
Nothing else needed to be said.
AN: I wrote this in one sitting which never happens, after watching the OVA where they settle the bet from the GMG (I think its OVA 6) and I squealed the whole time over the sister relationship between those two! And Cana always has that big sister energy with everyone, without being condescending. She can give her advice and tease without going overboard- I feel like that's something Wendy would appreciate, because yes, she's young, but that doesn't mean she isn't a capable mage. And I don't doubt for a second that Wendy would do exactly what I had her do in this chapter- this is the Wendy pre-Tenrou. She was pretty timid at first, and for her to hear her big sister say that she wishes that she was as brave as her? That means a lot to a kid her age.
I hope you liked this one! Please tell me what you thought!