EPISODE MARIUS
(2)
V
In 752, in Cador, I met Rella. The Laure region was one of the areas where we remained camped longer, barricaded in a newly built base that we had taken from the Empire, and there was no lack of interactions with the civilians of the neighboring cities. We stayed there because, although we had cleared the area, it was in too an unfavorable position for us to leave it to its fate, and in those months, we were busy training the civilians and local authorities of Cador, Lionel, Erec and Caradoc, helping with the fortifications, replenishing their arsenals and producing magical flasks for their supplies. Of all of them, Cador was my favorite, a cozy town on the shores of the North Sea. I liked the sea, perhaps because I was born in the mountains and had never seen it before going to war, even if the water was freezing.
Civilians liked us, even if not everyone believed that we would be able to make a difference; the Glaives had achieved too little in six years for them to still have the hope that the Kingdom would win, and they were right, because we could not have stayed there forever and a few months after our departure, the region fell back into Imperial hands. It was like playing an exhausting game of go, with the black and white pawns eating each other, only that the white pieces – us – were fewer than the black ones and had to move around the board at an unsustainable pace. But we had cleared the area of the Niffs for the moment, we were elated about it, and the civilians were grateful for that.
Whether they trusted us or not, civilians generally always treated us with a lot of respect, but it was obvious that our young age disoriented them. When we joined the war, the oldest Glaive, excluding the Captain, was twenty-one. When we retook the Laure region, our ranks recently replenished with what would later prove to be the penultimate injection of new recruits from Insomnia, the youngest was sixteen. Of the old guard, the first group of one hundred and twenty Glaives who had sworn in 746, there were forty-eight left; but our group was the only one who could count on a full five-year training and the newbies they sent us from Insomnia, with some exceptions, were increasingly unprepared, to the point that even finding one who could warp decently was a challenge. Many of us talked cautiously about this to the Captain, who told us, bluntly, that we no longer enjoyed the favor of the Council and the public opinion, that the funds had been cut, and that he was too busy with the war to personally follow the new recruits in training as he had followed us. This was the best we could expect.
Civilians from Cador and other cities would often come to our base, whether it was to train or to bring us supplies and goods. Some came out of pure curiosity. Some openly came to fuck, men and women. Once, at the time of training, one of the recruits had told me with the look of someone who knows a lot that there were always women who followed the army. Whores, above all, but not only. I can't remember who he was, but it turned out he was right, because none of us, not even the youngest, ever had a problem having a woman – or another man – under the blankets. Uniforms, we found out, have their own awkward appeal.
Rella didn't jump on me. In fact, she didn't like us so much, from the start, and when she'd show up at the base, she tried to keep away from my comrades who, although she was not an actual beauty, bullied her with jokes and obscenities. I hardly noticed such things since I felt like one was as good as the other for me, yet Rella caught my attention. Perhaps because she looked a bit like Aeliana, the first girl I kissed in the refugee district, before enlisting. Or perhaps because of her decorous and reserved countenance. She was coldly polite and never responded to jokes, and only talked about business.
I never approached her. Rella would come, unload her goods from the van by herself even though any of us could have done it with a tenth of the effort, take her money and leave. She was the owner of one of the largest shops in Cador, and I didn't understand why she came herself, especially since she had no sympathy for the Glaives, until I learned that her younger brother was one of the guys who often hung out at our base to train with us. With the excuse of delivering the goods, she probably wanted to keep an eye on him. He was a slender and handsome fifteen-year-old kid – a kid, by then they all were kids to us – who would not have survived an hour on a battlefield. He'd tell everyone around that at seventeen he would try and join Meldacio. Even a Chocobo could have trampled him under its paws.
I would never have taken an interest in Rella if I hadn't caught the kid next to my tent one night as I went out to piss. Officially the base was closed to civilians after nine. Unofficially, it went without saying who and why stopped. The kid was agitated, in a hurry, nervous as a trapped animal, and it was obvious that he was looking for a way to leave without too much fuss.
"What are you still doing here?" I asked him sharply. "Entry to the base is forbidden to civilians after nine."
"Yessir," he straightened up, his face red from being discovered. Not just for that, I understood. "I didn't want to, Sir. It won't happen again, Sir."
"You didn't answer me."
"Sir, I..."
His agitation pissed me off. "Civilian, immediately state your personal details and the reason for your presence here."
"I... I was training, Sir."
"At eleven in the night," I said. He was kidding me.
"Yes, Sir, no, Sir, I mean..."
Impatient, I reached out to grab his arm, and he dodged as if I had bitten him. I clicked my tongue.
"Who did it?"
"Sir, I don't understand..."
"Who was training you at eleven in the night, kid?"
He didn't answer.
"What's your name?"
"Lucius, Sir. Lucius Aedes."
"Lucius Aedes. I ask you again: who were you with?"
"Emil Nardus, Sir," he said, so softly that I only understood him because I had already guessed it.
"And was it a consented training, Lucius?"
Lucius became, if possible, even more purple. Not all Glaives were saints, least of all me, but Nardus of Squad 1 was a well-known pederast. I've never had anything against sodomy, and that time in second year training with Tredd wasn't the only time I allowed someone to put it in my ass, but Nardus was a sicko, preferring kids.
It wasn't my business, anyway, that Lucius Aedes was a simpleton, and if he couldn't look after his own ass, I didn't see why I should care. But I thought of the quiet dignity of Rella, who did not prevent her brother from mixing with the soldiers but kept an eye on him with discretion.
"Come with me," I told him.
"Sir, please." He bent his back into a kind of bow. "I didn't mean anything, I swear. Please let me go. I'll be right home. I stopped after the curfew because... because..."
"Because you're a shitty brat who doesn't understand when he's playing with fire." This time indeed, I grabbed him by the arm without letting him dodge. The weakness of others kept driving me out of my mind. "Did you want to play with the soldiers, little Lucius? I hope you're satisfied. Did you like it?"
He didn't answer, but followed me. I heard him sniffle. At the Training Facility, we would tear a guy like him to pieces at his first week.
"Emil Nardus likes young asses," I continued to rage. It wasn't my business, I kept telling myself, but I would drive him back to Cador and give him back to his sister. "What did you think? That there were flawless knights here? Noble paladins who would take you under their wing and teach you how to fight? Wake up," I said, yanking him. "There are some who feel like that, in fact, but they too have blood on their hands." I was thinking of Silia and her squad. I thought of Nyx Ulric, Libertus Ostium, Lazarus Luche, Altius Crowe, all those who posed as defenders of the weak and upright causes. When there had been to get their hands dirty, as in the case of Dawson, where there had been a dead girl among the civilians, they didn't hold back either.
Lucius didn't say a word.
"So?" I spurred him on. "Did you like it, at least? Maybe you were here just for that?"
No, the kid spelled, shaking his head.
"I assumed so. Don't let me see you at the base again, Lucius Aedes. This is no place for you. Don't play with fire if you're not ready to get burned. There're people here who at your age suffered and did things that you can't even imagine."
I led him to the parking lots. If Nardus had had the boldness to show me his face to ask for explanations or make a joke, I would have unhinged his jaw. I drove in silence, because that fucking brat did nothing but cry in silence, I made him get off at the gates of the city and I went back to the base mad as hell.
~~~XV~~~
The next morning, Rella Aedes came to deliver her wares like every day. This time she didn't ignore us; I saw she was examining us all, scrutinizing our faces, frowning. That fucking brat told her, I thought, not only does he not have a shred of pride, but he's not even able to protect his sister.
When her silent examination fell on my face, she gave me a slight nod. I waited. Rella unloaded her goods, but instead of getting back in the car she came to me.
"The Glaive with a nasty scar on his eye that brought my brother home," she said, before I could say anything.
I did not answer her. "He didn't come today," I said instead. "I see he understood. Too bad he didn't understand before."
"I, too, wished he had understood sooner," she said hastily.
Her laconicism did not convince me. "Are you here for Nardus?"
In response, Rella opened her coat and showed me a revolver. I looked at her and burst out laughing.
"I don't know what you could do with that. Glaives cast protect, and we're used to much larger calibers than your toy," I said, still giggling. "Why did you show it to me, anyway? Nardus is a comrade of mine, although that doesn't make me jump for joy."
"Because when my brother told me what happened, I decided that I would come here today with this," she said, closing her coat. "If I had met that Nardus first, I would have tried to kill him. If I'd met you first…" She didn't say what she would do.
I liked that woman, I realized. I crossed my arms. "So, it was lucky that you met me first. Nardus is not among the best ones, it's true, but it would be enough for him to shield himself to make your own bullet bounce back to you."
"Tell me what I should do to him, then." She was serious.
"You don't have to do anything to him," I replied simply. "Perhaps Nardus deserves someone to teach him a lesson, for this and other reasons, but it certainly won't be you. Go home," I told her.
"If your first thought is to rape kids, it doesn't surprise me at all we're losing the war," she retorted, her voice steady, as if she wasn't addressing a Kingsglaive. She wasn't afraid of me at all. "You brought my brother home before something worse could happen to him. I was almost convinced that there was someone decent among you. Instead, I think you chased the Niffs just because they were competing with you."
I could have twisted her neck with two fingers. Nardus would, perhaps. Instead, I escorted her to the car, without touching or threatening her, but with clear hostility. I wouldn't let her jump on Nardus with that little toy of hers just to get herself killed.
Rella threw me one final accusing glare through the windshield of the van before starting the engine. I thought she was right; some of us weren't any better than the Niffs. Not even me.
~~~XV~~~
The Captain was not at the base. In those moments of stalemate, he usually left us to ourselves and took the opportunity to return to Insomnia to confer with the King and the Council. Even if he was present, anyway, I wouldn't have denounced Nardus because all of us, from the first to the last, even the most virtuous ones, had our skeletons in the closet known to someone, whether they were children, drugs, acts of violence or whatever, and a war of denunciations would have forced the Captain to dispose of the entire army with dishonor, so that was not a viable path.
Lucius never showed up at the base again. Rella, on the other hand, kept coming back, not every day anymore but often enough. I kept a close eye on her, ready to prevent and nip a rash impulse. Now it was I who unloaded her goods to see her leave as soon as possible, even though she coldly protested that she could do it all by herself.
"Have you given up?" I asked her one morning, casually, while I was closing the cargo bed of her van.
"No," she replied composedly. "I wait for the moment and watch."
"You can keep waiting," I mocked her, clapping my hands to clear the dust.
"You never told me your name," she said, without looking at me.
"Marius Gaunt."
"Gaunt," she repeated, as if she didn't mind the sound. "Do you like kids too?"
"No," I replied quietly. "I have other tastes."
"The sea."
That wasn't a question. She must have seen me at the dock. When I went to Cador, after doing what I had to do, I would go down to the dock and look at the sea. Every now and then I undressed and bathed in the freezing water.
"The sea," I confirmed, unloading the last crate.
"But you can't swim."
She had noticed that too. "I was born in the mountains," I replied.
Rella got into the car and drove away.
~~~XV~~~
Rella waited for the moment and watched, and the moment came, but not for her. Nardus reached out to a young guy from my squad, one of the newbies, who was just over sixteen. I wondered how his teammates could ignore it, then I thought about all the times I'd covered Tredd', Sonitus', and Axis' backs.
The rookie was called Charis, and he wasn't like Lucius Aedes. He was a Kingsglaive with two years of training on his back and six months of war, and even though he had had to endure, he had a killing light in his eye. He, too, was waiting for the moment.
"Hey, Charis," I said, approaching him the night after.
"What do you want, Gaunt?"
"Don't talk to me like that, kid," I retorted, showing him my teeth. "I heard 'bout Nardus."
Charis turned blue. He was about to jump on my neck. "And what do you know? Nothing's true. Don't you dare spread rumors, Gaunt, or I..."
I grabbed him by the jaw. Whatever they did to him, I wouldn't let him talk to me like that. "Shut the fuck up or I'll break it," I hissed.
"Gaunt, get your hands off me or I'll kill you."
"I really want to see that. You can rest assured, anyway. I don't like kids."
Charis calmed down. A little. He lowered his head, humiliated. "Nardus will pay for it dearly. I didn't kill him just because I don't want to get in trouble. I want to stay in the Glaives."
"You will stay in the Glaives, if you play it right."
~~~XV~~~
The others gave me a hand. Not because what Nardus was doing made them indignant – he might have eaten children, for all they cared about it – but because he had reached out to Charis, and Charis was a member of Squad 4. We had Charis swallow his teeth, the first two months, until he had learned to calm down a peg, but we had also covered his back and had filled in the holes left by his incomplete training, and only thanks to that was his ass was still hanging around on his legs.
Charis should have learned to stand up for himself, yes, as we all had learned. What had happened to him was his sole responsibility and fault. So, we made it clear to the kid that we would not lift a finger toward Nardus, but we would help him to be alone with him in an isolated place and to make the corpse disappear. Nardus would not have been the first Glaive to desert, and it happened more often in moments of quiet than in those of crisis, when the level of alert was low and we remained in contact with civil life for a long time.
Tredd, Sonitus, Axis and Chad got involved as a matter of squad honor, but I made it personal. It was disgustingly easy, so much so that I later wondered if each of us was ultimately so vulnerable, had a group of others banded together with the express intention of killing him. A few years later I would find out it was so.
We sabotaged Nardus' car in Cador so that it would leave him stranded along the road, because, for obvious reasons, Charis could not have attacked him either in Cador or at the base. I had said I wouldn't lift a finger, but when Charis, not so unsurprisingly, was about to get the worst of a veteran like Nardus, I intervened to help him and, to my surprise, my comrade Miles Bridger intervened too.
"You shouldn't have gone in," the ungrateful Charis told us, while Miles was treating a gash in his side that would have killed him if it hadn't been for us. "I could have done it by myself."
"Shut up or we'll make you disappear too," I cut him short, kicking his knee. "Next time, Charis, try to be strong enough to defend your ass on your own." I turned to Miles. He was a silent guy, the same age as Charis. He didn't like our ways at all, it was clear, and he didn't merge with us, so it was even more incomprehensible to me that he had taken part in our settling of scores. "And you, Bridger, why did you get involved? We had agreed that we would just watch."
"I could ask you the same question," he replied, without looking at me and without interrupting the heal.
"As much as Charis' a jerk, he's a member of Squad 4," I replied.
"And Nardus is a member of the Kingsglaives. We're all a squad," he reminded me. Charis' wound was closed for the moment. One heal wouldn't be enough, and the scar would remain, but no one would have noticed if Charis had managed to hide it while it was still fresh.
Charis made a sound that could have been a groan of pain or a laugh. "Yeah. We are all a big family, I've seen it."
"Nardus is a son of a bitch," Miles said, and looked at me, not at Charis. "None of us have clean hands, but what he did was gross. It made me sick."
"So what?" I challenged him. "D'you think he's the only one who sucks?"
"No," he replied quietly. "But he sucks more than others. He did. One is settled, at least. I'll settle the next one too, when and if the occasion arises."
For the first time I realized that Bridger, after all, was unscrupulous. I wondered if he too had suffered harassment or rape at the Training Facility. Maybe just from Nardus. No, Miles had started training when we were already on the front. But there is always some Nardus.
We had to make Nardus' corpse and car disappear and get out of the way. I gave Charis another kick to tell him to get his ass up and started moving towards the car.
"Gaunt, you didn't tell me why you got in the way," Miles told me again.
I thought of Rella. I didn't give a damn about her brother, after all. I did not answer him.
~~~XV~~~
It worked. When the rumor spread that Nardus had deserted there was a bit of a mess, the Captain was called back and he would arrive in Cador in a matter of days, but with a bit of luck, we would all get away with it.
Rella returned to the base. Before she even unloaded the goods, she came to me. "I learned there was a desertion."
"It happens sometimes," I replied, shrugging. For a moment I wondered what it would be like to hold her shoulders. She was strong, Rella, solid. Her shoulders were broad and straight, the shapely arms of someone who does hard work. And a beautiful face. "I'll help you unload," I told her, and this time she didn't object.
I went up to the back of the van, and she followed me. There was a mess at the base, more than usual, and the din covered our voices.
"Nardus learned his lesson," I told her.
She frowned. "Really?"
"Really. He got it from someone who was able to teach it to him," I stressed.
"It was you?"
For a moment I was tempted to take credit for it, then I shook my head. "I only gave a hand to those who taught it to him."
Rella lowered her eyes, uselessly opening one of the jute sacks. "Thanks, Gaunt. And thanks to whoever did it."
"Don't thank us. Whoever did it doesn't even know who your brother is. He did it for his own reasons."
"And you?" she said, looking back at me.
"I didn't do it for your brother either," I just replied. I didn't tell her I did it so she didn't have to. Because the idea of Nardus' hands around her neck, of her lifeless body, repelled me.
Rella said no more. We unloaded the van, she took the money, got into the van and drove away. I would have gone and look for her in Cador. Maybe I would have asked her to come with me to the dock. I imagined that I would never see her at the base again.
~~~XV~~~
And I was wrong. Two days later, Rella returned with her goods. This time she again didn't protest when I helped her unload.
"Tell me," I apostrophized her. "You really don't have anyone who can do this for you? The shop is yours, isn't it? I saw it in Cador. You have salespeople."
"Of course, I could send someone. But first I wanted to keep an eye on Lucius. Then, on your friend Nardus."
"Nardus wasn't my friend. And now he's gone. Why did you come back?"
"To keep an eye on you," she replied simply.
"Rella," I said, saying her name for the first time. I smiled. "Don't play with fire if you're not ready to get burned."
Rella smiled too, for the first time, a smile that briefly uncovered her beautiful white teeth and made my stomach turn. "I'm not my brother."
VI
When Rella told me she was pregnant, I felt the ground fall out from under my feet. I thought I had been a fucking idiot. One of the first rules of the Kingsglaive the Captain had told us, when we were still a bunch of kids, was the obligation of celibacy or hen. The aris – the family – mentioned in our motto were our comrades, the focis – the hearth – was the Kingdom of Lucis. We were not supposed to have bonds.
With all the goodwill and the authority in the world, neither Captain Drautos nor anyone else could prevent the Glaives from fucking, among themselves and in the cities they stopped in from time to time, but, as was the case with cigarettes and alcohol, the rule of tolerance was in force as long as it was done in secret and for lack of obvious consequences. There were very few female Glaives, many had their hormones busted from constant physical stress, and in fifteen years, that I know of, it had only happened twice.
Rella would never have denounced me – nor could she – but even so, when I listened to her words on the phone, I was in a cold sweat. I was terrified of being jailed or expelled and tempted to get myself expelled to find a way to be with her and my child. The thought of Rella had become my reason to stay alive, my dream of something to return to after the war. For the first time in my life, I thought even about deserting. I would have caught up with her in Cador and fuck the Empire, fuck the Kingdom, fuck that shitty war.
But Cador had returned to the Empire; Lucius Aedes, that jerk who had wanted to play soldier among the soldiers, had played soldier again and had put up with the resistance and had been killed, and Rella was even more mad at the Glaives. Her brother was dead, the living conditions of the civilians had become harsh due to the support they had given to the Glaives who had freed them, and King Regis, or whoever for him, had not consider it strategic to return and try to retake the region of Laure, as it happened more and more often, and we had to abandon it to its fate. She wouldn't even hear about me reaching her nor her to follow me elsewhere and not even to accept my financial aid. She called me just to tell me to fuck off and go on with my life without thinking about her anymore. She would get by on her own, as always.
I could have deserted anyway, but I didn't, because in Cador, alone, I could have done shit but let the Niffs kill me, Rella, and our child. I didn't desert, because even if I hadn't turned against the Niffs, they would never have accepted a former Glaive in Cador, and even if Rella would have ended up welcoming me, she would have been ostracized by her fellow citizens. I didn't desert because, somewhere inside me, I still had the hope that we could win that fucking war and then she and my son or daughter would be safe.
I didn't desert, and Rella stopped answering my calls and mails, so I couldn't even find out whether she had kept my child or not. She had said she would, but I had no way of knowing. For years I had no news of her, although the thought of her never left me. It took me almost four years, and a deadlock in the fighting just as we were two hundred miles from Cador, to decide to do something that, if it was discovered, would have made the Captain kick my ass out of the army; I waited for one of his more and more frequent absences, and asked Tredd and Sonitus to cover me for a few days.
When I reached Cador, my heart was in my throat which hadn't happened to me for years even when I looked death in the face, it took me little to find out what had become of her. Rella was dead, leaving a son to whom she had given her surname and her brother's name. Her only aunt was taking care of him. I looked at that child. If I ever had any doubts about Rella's honesty – and I didn't, she had not reason to lie to me since she didn't want me to reach her or to take care of him – a glance was enough to understand that he was my son. The woman didn't even ask who I was. She asked me if at last I was going to take my responsibilities and the child.
I didn't think about it for half a second. I took the child and brought him to Insomnia. That was the first time in nine years that I had set foot in town, the first time in nine years that I met my father again. The city was armored, but not for a Kingsglaive.
VII
May 8, 756 was a date that I will never forget. We had returned to Insomnia for two days; our nerves were as raw as meat because of the debacle at the Lambert stronghold and the losses we had suffered, we had just over forty left.
And yet, despite everything - the anger, the uncertainty about the future, the sense of defeat - I had a few days of peace. I hadn't seen my father in a lifetime, and I finally got to know my son. We had been given permission by the Captain to stay where we preferred, with the recommendation to always remain available, so I had gone home, or, at least, Gregor's home. Lucius didn't recognize me as his father, of course, but he got on very well with mine, and Gregor doted on him. As for me, I was stunned by what I felt for him; I didn't even dare to touch him, but I often find myself staring at him in wonder. He looked frighteningly like me, but he had something of Rella that I couldn't define. Lucius barely spoke to me, frightened, I guess, by my brutal looks, but I didn't care. I had lost Rella, but there was something - someone - that testified to the fact that she had existed and that we had spent time together. I felt a sense of belonging looking at that child, which I could not outline. For once in my life, I had done something beautiful, pure. I felt but bare, unconditioned love.
"Say, how's Silia?" I heard my father ask. I was sitting on the couch watching a newscast while Luc played on the floor with three toy cars and Greg wrote an article on his laptop. I was always amazed at how an immigrant had managed to become a reporter in the capital, a city that was not his own, but a son among the Glaives opens many doors for you, I had discovered over the years.
"No idea. Just caught a glimpse of her at the provisional HQ when we returned," I replied. "Haven't you meet her?"
"And how?"
"She's been in Insomnia since last November."
Gregor frowned in amazement, looking up from the screen. "What? I didn't know anything about it. Has she retired?"
I turned off the TV. The news kept talking about our defeat, but I felt like it didn't concern me anymore. "Temporary leave for medical reasons. She lost a leg. But she got a prosthesis implanted. Thought maybe she had dropped by to say hello."
"Well, she didn't."
"She must have had better things to do. Fucking, for example."
My father noisily pushed the chair back from the table. "Look," he said, blushing. "I have no idea what has happened between you over the years, but don't talk 'bout her like that in front of me. She's Silia, damn it. I saw her grow up."
"No, Greg. I saw her grow up," I corrected him. "You saw a little girl become an older girl. I saw a little girl become a woman. That's what happened between us: we both grew up. In war," I pointed out. "War unites or divides. We split up."
Gregor looked at me as if I were a stranger. That's right, I thought, I'm a stranger to my own father. It can't be otherwise. He opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment the transmitter activated and began to vibrate. I beckoned to my father to be quiet.
"Gaunt," I said, responding.
"Marius, it's Tredd. Can you talk?"
His voice was odd. I left the room. "Now I can. Did something happen?"
A long pause. "I've got to talk to you."
"Do it, then. I'm listening."
"No, not now. You never know who can intercept private broadcasts. Come to my apt."
~~~XV~~~
How much are you willing to sell for your son, Marius?
Tredd's question was all I could think of. That was all I forced myself to think about as a taxi took me to the provisional HQ of the Kingsglaives we had been assigned upon our return to town. The provisional HQ that perhaps would become definitive, as soon as someone at the top floors of the Citadel deigned to decide what to do with us. The defeat at Lambert, it seemed, was the last that the King and the Council had decided to tolerate. Not that it was our fault if Lucis had allowed itself to be technologically outclassed by Niflheim to such an extent that they had thrown a weapon worthy of the Ancients at us. Diamond Weapon, they called it. Nineteen of us were dead, and already there weren't many of us left before. The Diamond Weapon had been the straw that broke the camel's back. The Kingsglaives had failed.
I'm not going around it, man. Lucis is done for. You saw the Diamond Weapon, right? They certainly have others. And even worse in store. The Wall won't hold much longer. The Captain is aware of this and other things that no one has bothered to tell us. For example, Lucis is negotiating with the Empire for an armistice. Don't panic, man. There will be no armistice. Sit down and chill. And listen to me carefully. I'm risking my head for telling you this. If you're not one of us, I'm out too. Not from the Glaives, Marius. Out-out. And you too. But we've known each other for fifteen years, and I know I can trust you.
The taxi driver stopped the car in front of the building. Some of the others were around – I saw Altius, Ostium, Chad, Nerva, Legato Harsh. They all seemed uncomfortable in the civilized world, suddenly with nothing to do, after ten years of war. When I paid the taxi driver – it would have seemed an unreasonable amount if, on returning to Insomnia, I hadn't discovered that I had an astronomical bank account that I hadn't even realized I had accumulated – he looked at me with disdain. I returned the look coldly. I almost got killed I don't know how many times, I had seen hell for ten years, so that this piece of shit could drive his taxi back and forth to Insomnia carrying civilians, and he looked at me with disdain. Maybe, after all, they deserved everything they would find on them in the days to come.
I nodded to the others and entered.
The Captain is... selecting some of us. People he can trust. I've already talked to him. Lucis is done for, I told you. There will be no armistice, because Niflheim will take Insomnia. We will make it happen with almost no loss. No, this is not a joke, Marius. And I'm not crazy. I think I've been crazy up until now. We fought for nothing. Now that's enough. You have a son, friend. Think about him.
I reached the top floor. As soon as I approached the automated door, it swung open to let me through. Captain Drautos knew I was coming. Tredd must have warned him. And no one else would bother us.
How much are you willing to sell for your son, Marius?
"Good morning, Captain," I said, bringing my right hand clenched into a fist on the left side of my chest in the Kingsglaives salute. Were we still Kingsglaives?
"Gaunt, sit down," he said without preamble, without a greeting. "I hope Furia, with his trust, has done you a service and not sentenced you to death. Now that you are here, I warn you that there are only two ways it can end: you leave this room on your own two legs, or no one will ever hear about you again, and Marius Gaunt will be declared a deserter."
I sat down. I didn't fear the Captain, because I already knew what I would do. Tredd knew too, or he wouldn't have involved me. Without a word, I waited for him to repeat what Tredd had already told me, that and the other things that no one has bothered to tell us.
"Insomnia will fall, Gaunt. The King's strength is running out, as happened to King Mors before him. There was a long discussion with the Council about withdrawing the Wall within the perimeter of the Old Walls, but the King is so weakened that Insomnia would only gain a few months. One way or another, Niflheim will take over the kingdom of Lucis, but Emperor Aldercapt, on the advice of Chancellor Ardyn Izunia, has decided to end this war that is wearing down both countries by proposing a treaty that King Regis can but sign."
I nodded. Tredd had explained it to me. But nothing would have prepared me for what the Captain said shortly after.
"The Kingsglaives have been chosen and trained to prevent Insomnia from falling, but since your foundation it was known that it would be useless. The King knew it, but he wanted to try anyway, because he had no choice. I did know it, because I fought against you for ten years."
I opened my mouth in disbelief, but no sound came out.
"I knew it, Gaunt, because in Lucis I have always been Titus Drautos, but in Niflheim I became General Glauca."
I gasped for a moment, but quickly recovered. The Captain was watching and judging me. If I faltered, he would have eliminated me, and no one but Tredd would ever know.
"I have coordinated your operations over the years, and I have coordinated them so that no one in Insomnia would ever have anything to suspect," he continued. "I didn't send you to the slaughterhouse. There have been some… planned defeats over the years, I admit, but I have guided you as I would if I had wanted Lucis to win."
"But why?" I managed to ask.
"Because this long war has worn the King down, as Emperor Aldercapt set out to do." The Captain kept staring me in the eye looking for signs of abating. "The Wall and the magic of the Kingsglaives dried up the King, approaching the time when he would have agreed to sign the armistice."
Fool puppets, that's what we've been, I thought. I was going to panic. And I couldn't afford it. I had to control myself. Luc, I told myself, think of Luc. Think of Rella. I clung to them. "A very well thought out long-term strategy," I ventured to say, trying to infuse a touch of irony into my voice to hide my upset and anger.
"Indeed, but not by the Emperor, even if he is convinced of it," continued the Captain. His voice betrayed a note of disgust. "Emperor Aldercapt is no longer in charge. For many years there has been a government in the shadows behind him. Minister Verstael Besithia and Chancellor Ardyn Izunia."
I was fascinated despite myself. I had been a traitor to the Kingdom for five minutes, and I had already learned more substantial news than I had been given in ten years as a member of the military elite of Insomnia.
"Now listen carefully to what I am about to tell you, Gaunt, because this is the focal node of everything and, I understand, the hardest element to process. Ardyn Izunia is not human. Not totally, at least. What exactly he is, I can't tell you either, I can just guess. Suffice it to say that Besithia freed him from a captivity that lasted since the time of the Founder King. He calls him Adagium. Izunia is not some sort of mad creature. On the contrary, he owns a clear, clever and sharp mind, and conceives his malice with some nitwit attitude. Together, Izunia and Besithia surpassed all reasonable limits with their experiments on the miasma, and Besithia fell into a delusion of omnipotence such that he did not realize that from being a manipulator he himself became a manipulated. Niflheim has now a government in the shadows in the government in the shadows, we could say. When everything goes out of control, as it will happen beyond all doubt, it will not be Lucis alone which will fall. If those experiments are not stopped, then it will be the turn of Gralea. After the fall of Gralea, the miasma will invade the whole of Eos. Aldercapt is too blinded by the lust for the Crystal to notice."
At another time I would have freaked out, but I had already crossed the line of disbelief when the Captain had told me he was General Glauca. I was ready to accept everything now, even the descent of the Astrals on Eos on the back of winged horses. But there was something that still escaped me. "Why should we help Niflheim bring Insomnia down, then, if it risks triggering the end of the world?"
"Because while Aldercapt gets hold of the Crystal, I will take the Ring of the Lucii and use it to put an end to all this," the Captain replied. "King Regis does not have the strength to fight Izunia. He can't even fight what he and Besithia have created."
It was obvious that he believed he had it. "Are you talking about the Diamond Weapons, Sir?"
Drautos made a sound similar to an abortive laugh that could have been amusement or annoyance. "Diamond Weapons? Izunia and Besithia have daemonified Ifrit, Gaunt. They have infected him with the miasma and will use him against anyone who stands in their way."
This time I couldn't hide my bewilderment. We were talking about a fucking Astral. I wasn't even sure I wanted to believe in their existence, and now I not only discovered that the Six were real and walked the earth, but that one of them had been transformed into a sick weapon in the service of the Empire. No, not of the Empire. Of Chancellor Izunia.
"Gaunt?" the Captain said sharply.
"Yes sir," I replied, pulling myself together. Don't lay yourself open, you idiot. Your life hangs by a thread. "I was just… thinking. King Regis has an heir. A young heir, not worn out by magic."
"A kid who nearly lived like a civilian for twenty years. Well trained in combat, I recognize that, but he has never worn the Ring. He has no idea of the potential of the Crystal. As for magical power, he is no match for the most ineffective of the Glaives. Yet King Regis is convinced that he is the True King of Prophecies."
"Only the heirs of the Lucis family can use the Ring," I told him, to no avail. He already knew. But I wanted to understand where that was going.
The Captain looked at me, if possible, even more intensely. "In that case I will die trying."
He said nothing more about that. We stared at each other in silence for an indefinable time. He was waiting for me to ask more questions, of course, or for me to communicate my decision. I was waiting to understand who was the man who sat in front of me. Was he really doing all this to save the world? Or did he just want power? Was my presence there, the things he had revealed to me, just another phase of the plan that someone had concocted fifteen or twenty years earlier? Or even earlier, perhaps?
"Now you know everything, Gaunt," he urged me. "What's your decision?"
I could no longer retain myself; I threw my head back and laughed. I had suspected it for months, years, but now I was certain: everything we had done in the last fifteen years – the fatigue, the pain, the death – had been useless. "I beg your forgiveness, Captain," I apologized. I held back another fit of hysterical laughter. "I am ready. Tell me what to do, and I will do it."
The Captain nodded, not before scanning me with his cold gaze, in search of signs of irony or pretense. "To begin with, the King has asked me to assign one of you to escort Princess Lunafreya Nox Fleuret from Tenebrae to Altissia. The treaty will be sealed with a marriage between the Oracle and the Prince of Insomnia, upon request of Chancellor Izunia. The Emperor is not glad to yield such a precious hostage, but the Oracle is endowed with mighty powers. Mighty healing powers. I am afraid that the Oracle's future is doomed. I will try to spare her this fate, if possible. It would be a waste, deprive the world of the only magic who can heal the Scourge, even if I succeed in taking the Ring."
I listened silently, a hand on my mouth. The Captain himself didn't want to yield such a precious hostage, I'd bet. Provided, I guessed, she agreed to cooperate.
"The King made secret arrangements with Camelia Claustra, the First Secretary of Accordo, for the marriage between the Prince and the Oracle to be held in Altissia, in case something goes wrong during the signing. Emperor Aldercapt will only be officially notified when he is here. Needless to tell you, Gaunt, that he is already aware of this. The Princess won't reach Accordo. But he intends to allow the Prince to leave Insomnia with his retinue."
"I beg your pardon, Captain, but I may be missing a chapter or two. Why is the Emperor going to leave the Prince alive?"
"Because if something happens to the Prince before the treaty, Gaunt, there will be no treaty. Emperor Aldercapt has already charged General Caligo Ulldor with his search after the fall of the city. There will be no need. I will take care of it myself. The Prince is very little cause of concern to me."
I didn't ask him what was cause of concern to him. I just pursed my lips, wondering how Tredd, Axis and the others had reacted to all this news. "What about the Princess? One of us has to take her into custody instead of escorting her to Accordo?"
"That was the Emperor's idea. I took the liberty of suggesting a change. The Princess will be taken into custody in Fenestala by her own brother, Commander Ravus Nox Fleuret, and taken to Insomnia before the Glaive in charge of the mission reaches her. The Glaive will be ambushed outside Insomnia. Her death will be attributed to the Empire, and it will spark indignation. Disorder. But, without proof, nothing can be brought."
A sacrificial lamb, I realized. He wants to provoke the others against Niflheim and also against Lucis. This man is truly an unscrupulous strategist. I bet he's not telling me all the truth. "Her. Who will be the chosen Glaive?"
The Captain blinked. "Luche thinks Hartwood is the best fit. Furia, Arra and Bellum also gave her name. What remains of Squad 6 will go into a rage, and the others will be involved."
I had to appeal to all my coolness not to let out the unpleasant sensation that gripped my stomach. Silia and I were practically two strangers by now, but the idea of knowing her dead in this ignoble way made a stream of acid rush up my esophagus.
"Luche?" I asked, taking my time. Lazarus Luche had come from Galahd with Ulric and Ostium. Ambitious, but righteous, or so I had always thought. It would have been one of the last names I would think of for a betrayal.
The Captain did not answer, and I held his gaze, at that moment, if possible, more penetrating than when he had told me he was preparing to betray the Kingdom of Lucis. I was walking on thin ice. "Do you agree on Hartwood, Gaunt?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't," I said simply. Silia would probably have died anyway, but not like this. Not if I could do something to prevent it. That answer could have convinced the Captain that I was not trustworthy, ultimately get me killed, but I couldn't stop myself. "With all due respect, Captain, Luche underestimates Hartwood, and Tredd and the others have not loved her at all since the training days. Do you remember the Teachers' Week Off? Hartwood and Tredd started the fight."
"Gaunt, get to the point."
"If you send her into the arms of a platoon of Imperials, Hartwood will make wreckage of them, or she'll vanish as agile as..." ...as a Coeurl, I was about to say.
"It won't be a platoon of Imperials," the Captain interrupted me. "I don't have such a low opinion of the men I have trained, much less of Silia Hartwood. Some of you will take care of it. You, if you are one of us, of course."
Again, I had to hold my breath to keep my discomfort from showing through. The sacrificial lamb would have been slaughtered by her own comrades. She would look people she trusted in the face, put down her guns, and be murdered by treason. "In that case, Captain, Hartwood will die. But..." I gasped.
"But?" the Captain urged me.
I clung to every possible hold. "I heard some… rumors about her, Captain. Of some recent connections."
The Captain didn't flinch. "I do know what you're talking about."
Everyone knew what I was talking about, actually: Gladiolus Amicitia, the Sworn Shield of Prince Noctis, son of King Regis' Sworn Shield. The scion of Insomnia's most prominent aristocratic family – a giant muscular scion perfectly trained for combat. I had no idea whether it was true or not; people from all over the world and from all walks of life love to gossip, and a dirty affair between a Crownsguard and a retired Kingsglaive must be quite interesting in a city like this but if I had learned one thing, it was that underneath the chatter there is always a grain of truth. I didn't know if they fucked, but they sure knew each other, and if people had started to talk, they must know each other well.
"If rumors are true, Captain, I think it would be unwise to involve Hartwood."
"It's just rumors. I know the person concerned. He's young, but strict. Inflexible."
"Would you bet the success of the mission on this?" I insisted. "If they're in touch, Captain, we risk complications. I lived in Insomnia just for two years, but even I know the Amicitias. We do really want to raise the attention of a member of the Council at a personal level?"
The Captain was silent for a long moment. "And who would you propose, then?"
I said almost the first name that came to my mind. "Altius Crowe. She will be easier to overwhelm than Hartwood. Younger and more inexperienced. A nice and quiet girl, loved by all the Glaives. Ostium and Ulric will raise hell if anything happens to her." And fuck you, Luche, I thought. Who knows how he would have managed to kill a friend of his.
"Gaunt," the Captain hissed. "I always hope you've all learned this the hard way since you were children, but let me remind you, no personal involvement. Do I make myself clear?"
I looked at him, blinked and smiled pretending an ease and arrogance that I was far from feeling. "You are right, Captain, I learned it on my own skin several years ago."
The Captain stopped staring at me and looked out the window. "Such a waste," he said, and I thought he was talking about Crowe, but then he went on: "I've always kept an eye on her, I had bet on her from the start. Stubborn. Reckless. Unruly and unpredictable, yes, but that could be worked on. When she wounded Magellano, during the fencing trial, I thought, 'Here is the demonstration of what willpower can do: a rookie weighing a little more than a hundred pounds who fights almost on an equal footing with Magellano Reiner'." I almost thought I saw him sigh. Earning his respect was very hard, but Silia had already done so as a child. A man with an unshakable will can only respect a woman with an unshakable will. "But it cannot be done otherwise. Hartwood is smart, but too strict, almost blind, in some ways. She has pledged her upright loyalty to the Kingdom and will never conceive of what is treason to her. I will send Crowe to Tenebrae, Gaunt, because your arguments are reasonable, but that will not change Hartwood's fate. Is that clear to you?"
"It's clear to me, Sir."
"It can't be helped, Gaunt," repeated the Captain, and this time I had no doubt he was talking to himself, not to me. "In hindsight, I should have dismissed her when she lost her leg. But I still hoped, somehow, to be able to involve her. I don't like waste."
"It can't be helped," I repeated too. No personal involvement, he had just said, but I was pretty sure that, after all, even he had some qualms. Titus Drautos was the toughest man I had ever known, but with some of us, over the years, had shown himself capable of amazing acts of humanity. The Captain's favorite was Nyx Ulric, we all knew that, but since the days of training he had spent a lot on Silia Hartwood. I had no doubts that he felt some kind of affection towards her, the little bit that a man like him is able to feel. Speaking of which, I wondered what he would do with Ulric. Even he, like Silia, would never have accepted such a betrayal. But I had no doubt Titus Drautos would find a way to use him, too, willingly or not.
The Captain looked back at me. "Gaunt," he said. "You have always been a trustable member of our army. You're not just gifted in combat and magic, you are able to evaluate situations with a critical eye and to do what is right, or what is wrong when it's time to do it." He was silent for a moment. "I need men like you. People that know how to get their hands dirty, if needed, without wavering. People ready to pass over the corpses of enemies and friends. When everything is over, I will take it into account."
I smiled. Titus Drautos would also pass over my corpse, not if but when it was necessary. "I'm honored, Captain, by your esteem. Since I am able to evaluate situations with a critical eye, I believe that perhaps I can afford a request."
Captain Drautos blinked. For a moment, I wondered if I wasn't pulling too hard.
"I had a son in Cador. He's four years old. His mother died and I managed to get him to Insomnia. He's with my father now. I will do whatever is necessary, Captain, but I want the assurance that when it is all over, they will both have a decent life. I don't care under which flag," I clairified.
Drautos narrowed his eyes, and I felt freezing, and together almost burst out a laugh. I was about to break the most sacred oath of the Glaives, fighting for the King of Lucis, with the complicity of my Captain, who had involved me in the worst betrayal Insomnia had ever seen, yet he was annoyed that I had violated the obligation of celibacy, or maybe that I was allowing myself to make requests.
"When it's all over, Gaunt, I hope everyone has a decent life. But we are understood. Make sure they stay indoors, outside the city center, the day the treaty is signed. There will be some hustle and bustle that day and the following days, but if they don't expose themselves, nothing will happen to them. You will be allowed to keep them safe, done what needs to be done, and in the future they will lack nothing."
I bowed my head. "Thank you, Captain."
He eyed me for a moment before nodding. "We're done, Gaunt. I trust you. But I also want to remind you that if a single word of this conversation ever reaches other ears, there will be consequences. Not just for you."
Once again, I felt up like laughing. I had just given the Captain something to blackmail me with. But there would be no need. I got up from my chair and repeated the Glaives' salute.
"Pro aris et focis, my Captain."
~~~XV~~~
The doors closed behind me. I started walking down the corridor, at a brisk pace, then, without warning, without realizing it, I started running. I couldn't breathe. The walls of the building were shrinking on me. I needed air.
I went out into the street and found myself in the crowd. It was even worse. I was not used to all those people everywhere, the noises, the voices, the smells. I recognized with horror the symptoms that preceded a panic attack, which I had learned to nip in the bud. The tendons in my neck throbbed, as if something was swimming in them. The temperature seemed to have risen suddenly. The light blinded me, in my ears I could hear the sound of my own blood.
I ran out of the square, shoving anyone who didn't dodge fast enough. I had no idea where I was going, I didn't know Insomnia outside the district where I was born, but I just wanted to get off the street.
My transmitter started vibrating.
"Gaunt," I almost gasped. I had to remain on call, now more than ever, but I felt unable to speak to anyone. I barely felt able to breathe. And I had never needed a drink so much. Indeed, I needed something stronger. Who knews where the fuck pushers sold drugs in Insomnia. In the suburbs, of course.
"I heard you're in," Tredd said, in a tone so gleeful that if I had been in front of him, I would have smashed his face. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, brother."
"What if I refused?" I almost shouted at him. I was in an alley. Fortunately, there was no one there, and I leaned against the wall. "You would have got me k..."
"Shut the hell up, Marius. I've known you for fifteen years. With your little secret, you couldn't do otherwise. And then you heard what's at stake, right?"
I made a face, trying to regulate my breathing. "Since when are you so selfless to be interested in the fate of the world, Tredd?"
Silence on the other side. "You too have known me for fifteen years. I certainly don't spit on a high rank. Glaives are not exactly known to have a glorious career."
Here. Good old Tredd. Always ambitious, always looking for competition and recognition. War, for him, had always been a race to see who benefits the most. "We'll talk about it face to face. Are you in your apartment? I'll join you."
He didn't answer me. "The Captain has also just communicated some changes to us." His voice was sharp now. I know that it would have been the right chance for him to take revenge on Silia, and I had ruined it. "There's your hand behind, right?"
"You can't get carried away with personal involvement," I replied, attacking him on that side before he could. "You know this will be easier and safer. Even the Captain recognized that."
I heard him sigh. "You're right. Anyway, nothing will change. She'll be on the other side, on the front line, I bet my balls."
"I'll join you at home," I cut him short. "But first I'll try to find something. Alcohol, first of all, but I need stronger stuff."
Tredd croaked a laugh. That situation had definitely not shocked him as it had happened to me. "Gotcha, man. I'll call the others. See you later."
As soon as the conversation ended, I suddenly lost my air again. I slid to the ground and curled up on myself, gasping to breathe as the knowledge hit me that I had just agreed to what was perhaps the most infamous betrayal Insomnia had ever seen. The Kingsglaives, Lucis' military elite, were about to revolt against the ruler they had sworn to protect. And I, Marius Gaunt, had just sold everything I had: my adopted homeland, my childhood friend, my comrades who would not participate in the betrayal, my King, my honor and my dignity. I could have told myself ad nauseam that I was doing it for Eos, because the Captain would have used the Crystal to stop Ardyn Izunia, but I was actually doing it for Luc.
Pro aris et focis. For hearth and home.
Half of the creed of the Kingsglaives I had trampled, shattered, razed to the ground. For the other half I would have given my life.