trace (vestiges)
Life is easy- well, easier than he would have thought it would be without Phoenix by his side, at least. It is likely due to the fact that he probably spends more time with the attorney now than ever before; despite their differing time zones, Miles finds himself becoming very accustomed to working in his office whilst Phoenix burns the midnight oil in the Wright & Co. Law Offices more often than not, and Miles is finds himself oftentimes cooking dinner as Phoenix goes over the details of his current investigations over the phone with him, readying to head into the courtroom for morning trials.
He does not feel distant to Phoenix- not often, at least. Over time, calling the other man when he feels himself yearning to be held becomes less an act of shame and more a motion for joy, a pure, simple desire to be with the man in whatever fashion they can maintain. It is difficult, for sure, but as Frederik begins introducing him to more court officials and helps him build his network into something well beyond the scope of work for a simple American defense attorney, Miles also has to face the facts:
He enjoys working abroad. He enjoys dabbling into things beyond simple prosecution. Thanks to this intimate look at the German justice system, Miles has become more and more confident in the idea that he may one day be more of a paper pusher than directly on the field; unlike Franziska, whose skill has always lived in her forceful nature and her whip, he has always been more tactful, more cunning.
He cannot imagine staying in LA forever- sedentary, still. Phoenix, on the other hand, cannot imagine life away from his little office. Miles knows this.
So, this is his practice run. By treating this as training for future time apart, he finds himself growing more and more accustomed to this distance- more and more accustomed to asking for what he wants, rather than what he thinks he should need.
While Phoenix is unaware of the driving force behind this newfound confidence in Miles, the attorney is more than happy to play along. For that, Miles is grateful; the warmth which radiates just from Phoenix's voice is so much stronger than back when Miles had been passive in their relationship. Phoenix is happier now, being with the man Miles is becoming.
That thought makes him want to weep some nights when he whispers his 'good day' to the other man's 'goodnight'. Phoenix is happier with who Miles is today.
And Miles finds that he himself is happier, too.
Perhaps that is why he finds himself letting his guard down a little too much as six months in Berlin rolls around, the half-year anniversary of Miles' return to the firm the cause for a quiet, yet festive celebration according to Frederik. Miles accepts the drinks from his peers, smiling and nodding and commenting when he must as they share in this welcoming camaraderie, the young American prosecutor having long-since been accepted as one of their own.
He probably accepts too many drinks. When he awakens the next morning, he is still in his suit- his immediate frustration resides in the fact that he shall need to send this suit to the cleaners, considering the abhorrent wrinkles pressed into every inch of fabric, alongside a suspicious brown stain he knows must've come from Frederik's favourite pub snack- alongside a pounding headache. Water is the first step, and afterwards, a quick text to Phoenix to explain why he had not messaged the night before.
He does not send that text, though. Instead, he finds a message from the attorney himself. 'Frederik's a cool guy! I'm glad he's looking out for you.'
Miles asks about where he had learned this information. Phoenix does not answer, merely changing the subject no matter how much Miles pushes. It does not take long for him to unearth what had happened, though; whether he likes the answer is a different story.
"Phoenix seems like a good man," Frederik teases him lightly the following week as they share pleasantries in the staff lounge near their offices. "He loves you a lot, you know."
"And how would you know this?" Miles replies, wary tension causing his voice to hitch slightly, the hair on the back of his neck raising in alarm.
The elder shrugs, as nonchalant and collected as ever. "I mean, he was more than happy to tell me everything about you two on the phone on Friday-"
"What?!" Miles cries, taking a step back.
Wickedly, Frederik pushes his dark, grey-streaked hair back out of his eyes, shooting a wink at the other man. "I mean, I suggested the call. I didn't think you'd actually wake him up on the spot."
Miles sinks to his haunches for a moment, breathing into his hands. Then, he rises shakily, pulling out his own cell to ask Phoenix about the veracity of the situation. Much to his horror, the other man corroborates Frederik's story- that Miles had drunkenly called Phoenix while at the pub after a bit of teasing from Frederik- without hesitation. He opens his mouth to protest, but before he can, Phoenix murmurs, "He seems like a really good mentor. He… kind of reminds me of Mia, you know? I know you've told me about him a hundred times, but hearing from him was something different, for sure. I'm glad you're not alone over there."
And the softness of these words, the earnestness of this sentiment, stops Miles in his tracks. He worries about Phoenix, too- getting messages and updates from Maya and Detective Gumshoe helps to ease that worry, but it is never really enough to soothe his anxieties regarding the other man and his notorious penchant for dangerous, foolhardy cases.
Frederik does not seem to look at him as if he had confessed everything they did together in the bedroom, so Miles decides to let the entire affair go. He does, however, force the elder to swear to secrecy- he does not need Anna from down the hall, nor Sofia from the archives, to catch wind of his softer side, considering how they already tease him enough for his 'lover in America'.
Miles does, however, get mad a few weeks later when he catches Phoenix and Frederik messaging each other, though. When Frederik has taken these candid photos of Miles, he does not know, but he does not exactly appreciate the voyeuristic action.
Phoenix does, though. "I just wanted to see you," he says every time he catches Frederik sending Phoenix another photograph of Miles in the courtroom.
It is absolutely infuriating that he cannot even get mad enough to stop these exchanges. So, he merely asks Maya to perform the same act for him, although the other girl does so with far less tact and secrecy than what Frederik maintains. It does not matter, though- Miles feels loved, even from so far away, and that is enough.