Closure
Summary: Its the first time Cana's visited her mother's grave since she died. Likewise it is the first time Gildarts visited his ex wife's grave since she died. Both wanted closure, neither expected the other.
Disclaimer: I don't own
AN: This has been my single most requested story since I started, and it had to be rewritten eight times before I finally arrived at this. I hope you like it, but just to warn you, while its not sad or depressing (well I don't think it is anyway), it is a little heavy.
It had been raining the day she'd left.
Cana wasn't sure why that little detail was resonating so strongly.
The memory of standing in front of her mother's grave, her little white shoes covered in fresh mud as the raindrops hid the tears. It certainly wasn't raining now- bright blue skies with stray clouds floating by, combined with the white picket fence that lined the property she'd once called 'home' and it made a picture perfect enough for a greeting card.
The brunette stared up at the cookie-cutter house she'd grown up in.
Eight years and it still looked exactly the same.
But nothing was the same anymore.
Lila wasn't there to greet her as she walked up, there wasn't any music drifting from open windows, her mother wasn't darting from room to room as she tried to do a hundred things at once.
She certainly wasn't as innocent as she'd been the day she'd left.
Cana looked up at the old house and forced herself to walk away, leaving the memories of her childhood behind her. She hadn't come here to relive the past.
Besides, there were things you just couldn't go back to no matter how much you wished you could, it would be better if she never tried at all- she'd avoid some heartbreak this way.
Thankfully, the cemetery wasn't a long walk at all. As a child it had seemed to take hours, trudging through the rain as the pallbearers tried not to lose their grip on the coffin as they walked down the slick road.
They'd buried her mother under a willow tree. The branches shaped the sunlight passing through them beautifully- light a little ring of light just for her mother.
For a moment she stood there in silence, staring at the words carved in the stone without truly reading them.
Cornelia Alberona
741-772
"Hi Mom." Cana croaked, the words fighting past the lump in her throat," I guess it's been a while since I was here, huh?" She asked trying and failing to crack a smile.
It took a moment before she could speak again," I joined Fairy Tail just like Dad, I've even met him like you wanted me to but… well he has no idea who I am." She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand," Pathetic right? I've been around him for years now and never got up the nerve to tell him the truth. But lately… Mama I just haven't been right in a long time."
Cana gave up on standing and let her knees collapse under her weight, sinking to the ground as the weight of the world crashed down upon her," Mama- I just feel so sad all the time. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed in the morning and I'm wondering if I made the right choice. I see all the other kids and then I look at me and… why am I so weak? Mira, Erza- they can do things that I could never do. They can beat monsters and break mountains- and I'm fighting with playing cards. And it isn't just them either- Lisanna is just this beautiful person who can make people smile just by walking in a room, Levy is the smartest person I've ever met, Elfman's weird, but he's always there when you need someone. Gray… I wish I could be as strong as Gray is Mama." The brunette said, still restraining sobs.
"Gray is like the brother I never had, we get along great and he's always up for anything, and I wouldn't change anything- well, I mean his stripping habit isn't ideal, but I wouldn't change anything else." Cana let out a small laugh and desperately wished that she could hug her mother, she hadn't been able to towards the end," Natsu… Natsu is awesome too, but… but he and Gildarts are the kind of close that we should be and I am a horrible person, because Natsu has been through hell, but I get so jealous, because he has Dad's love and I don't."
"I guess what I'm trying to say- Mama, Fairy Tail has done so much for me, they took me in when they didn't have to, they raised me, they taught me how to use magic, but I'm wondering why I can't be good enough for anyone. I'm the weakest magic user in the guild, all I'm good at is being a human fortune cookie… did I make the right decision? All I seem to do is weigh them all down, would they be better off if I come back here? I just feel so lost."
But the grave didn't answer, and whatever closure she'd been looking for remained just out of her reach.
She should have known- the dead can't talk. Going to them for advice was an exercise in futility.
"…Cana?"
The brunette stiffened and slowly turned around to face her surprised father, a bouquet of flowers held limply in his hand.
oOOOOo
"What are you doing here?" Gildarts asked curiously, staring from her to the grave without comprehending what he was seeing.
He had been putting this visit off for years now- he and Conny had split on horrible terms and he wasn't sure if she would have even wanted him to know she'd passed, let alone visit her grave.
But… perhaps it was because they had split on such horrible terms that he had felt compelled to come out here. Because he had so much that he'd never been able to say and it had been weighing him down for fourteen years now.
So, he'd made the journey to Sugarhill, hoping to find some kind of closure.
He would never forget Cornelia, and he might never fall in love again, but maybe he could move on with his life and let go of his guilt. And one day when he thought back to their time together, he would remember the smiles and the laughter, rather than the screams and furious tears.
If nothing else, it was worth a try at least.
But the last person he ever expected to see was little Cana (who was not so little anymore).
Gildarts couldn't say he knew Cana very well, apart from a few polite words he wasn't certain if they had ever had a conversation. So why was she here?
The brunette looked up at him with puffy red eyes and pushed herself up off the ground. "I could ask you the same question." She said defensively, feeling her walls close in around her," Why are you visiting my Mom's grave?"
The Ace felt his blood freeze in his veins," … your mom's…?" He trailed of in shock as he stared at the brunette. "Conny- she was your mother?"
"Yes." The card mage bit out caustically," What are you doing here Gildarts?"
Her mother… Conny had child…?
"We… we used to be pretty close." He said dumbly as he continued to stare at the girl he'd watched grow up," I- I didn't know she had a daughter…"
Cana snorted bitterly and looked back to her mother's grave with an unreadable expression," Yeah, I know."
"What?" Gildarts questioned in confusion (the way she'd said that… he was missing something here).
The card mage shook her head and grabbed her abandoned feather bag," I was just leaving anyway, nice seeing you Gildarts."
The Ace stared as the teenager walked away, a strong feeling of déjà vu cutting through the turmoil of his mind. It seemed that making Alberona women upset was a talent of his.
"Cana wait!" He called as he strode towards her," This was your mother- you don't have to- "
She turned around, her eyes still visibly red and her face swollen from crying. "Its not like she's going anywhere." She said bitterly.
The crash mage winced," That's- you don't have to leave just because I'm here. I can always come back later."
The brunette stared at him for a moment before abruptly saying," She was more than just a friend to you, wasn't she." Despite her phrasing, it wasn't a question and they both knew it.
Gildarts jolted in surprise and wasn't sure how to respond to that- how do you tell your ex-wife's child that you had once been married to her mother? That in a different life she would have been your daughter instead of someone else's? "We… we were more than just friends." He admitted slowly, unsure how the distressed girl would take it.
Cana took that admission in with a stony expression that hid her inner conflict.
"…She told me about you."
"What?" He asked in surprise once again.
The brunette looked him in the eye and repeated herself," She told me about you. Said you were like a knight in shining armor, brave, strong, and loyal."
Gildarts felt a tug in his chest at this," She said that?"
This was her chance. She could take it now or forever wish she had.
Cana closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she nodded her head," When I asked her what my father was like."
Silence hung heavy as Gildarts felt the wind get knocked out of him. She- had she just- was- what-?
The card mage looked him up and down," You're actually the reason why I joined Fairy Tail- with Mama dead, all I could think of was going to find you. Because living with my father- my father who was like a knight in shining armor, who swept my mother off her feet, who belonged to a guild like Fairy Tail- surely he'd want the little girl he never knew he had."
She didn't wait for his reaction, she didn't wait for him to even process what she'd just said, just turned on her heel and walked away as quickly as she could.
She wouldn't break down where he could see. She would not show her weakness in front of him.
She'd told him the truth- that was a burden removed.
She didn't need anything else, she didn't want anything else, and certainly wasn't stupid enough to expect anything from him.
His knowledge would just have to be enough.
oOOOOo
It was like he was walking through quicksand.
All the feelings warring inside him were trying their best to drag him down and drown him.
He had a daughter.
And his daughter had been right in front of him all this time… what was he supposed to do?
Gildarts turned and stared at the grave of the woman he'd loved so much, and now he wasn't sure what he should be feeling or how he should be reacting. Was he happy or sad? Was he mad at Cornelia for keeping them apart or happy that she had apparently told their daughter good things about him?
What about Cana?
Cana was beautiful, intelligent, and talented- and she'd spent years watching her father give the love that should have been hers to Natsu, and Lisanna, and everyone else except for her.
Did she cry because of him?
Why hadn't she told him before?
That tiny little girl who came to the guild with an even tinier puppy- a beautiful child who gave him the brightest smile he had ever received (guess he knows why now), why had she never told him who she really was? Who he really was?
And what now?
He couldn't just go back to how he was before, he couldn't pretend that he didn't have a daughter- and he didn't want to pretend like he didn't have a daughter.
He wanted to hold Cana. To be proud of her accomplishments and to help her through her failures. He wanted to give her cake on her birthday and walk her down the aisle when she got married. He wanted to be there for all of the moments big and small in her life.
No time like the present, right?
Cana had walked away from him distraught- she'd been crying when he'd shown up and interrupted her time with her mother and had been even more upset after she had dropped the bombshell.
Gildarts didn't know the first thing about being a father- but he knew that it wasn't just being there for the good times. It also meant being there when his child was upset and doing his best to make her feel better.
If he had to comb the entire town in order to find her- then that was alright.
She was his daughter, and she was worth it a thousand times over.
oOOOOo
The sun was going down when he finally found her.
Cana was curled up under an old oak tree fast asleep.
She had tear tracks drying on her cheeks and dead leaves in her hair, and she was still the most beautiful creature in the world to him.
Gildarts idly wondered why she had picked this spot- an old tree behind a cookie-cutter house, with the remains of what had once been a swing dangling from a branch.
The Ace stared at his child and tried to figure out what to do (should he wake her up or just let her sleep?), when he caught the small moment of her shoulders.
She was shivering.
Before he'd even realized what he was doing, he'd pulled off his cloak and pulled it over her. Her small movements ceasing as she unconsciously curled into the makeshift blanket.
Well, that answered that question at least.
The crash mage settled himself down against the tree, if he was going to let his child sleep outside in the elements, then he was staying with her. He wasn't about to take any chances with her safety.
Besides, he'd slept in worse places, and for a lot worse reasons.
oOOOOo
Cana woke up slowly.
The sounds of crickets chirping their familiar melodies was peaceful and whatever blanket she was using was warm, and just heavy enough to make her feel secure. The air was crisp, but not in a bad way.
It brought back old memories, of her and her mother camping in their back yard and pointing out the different constellations. She felt safe. And more than anything she felt loved.
As she slowly returned to the waking world, so to did her memories.
The grave, Gildarts, her confession…
Cana opened her eyes and stared up at the dark sky studded with twinkling stars.
She was behind the house, next to her tire swing that Mr. Seto had set up for her when she'd been four- but what was on top of her? She hadn't had a coat or anything of the sort so what-?
The brunette sat up and the thick material fell off her shoulders. Cana carefully ran a hand over the material, recognizing it immediately.
Her father's cloak.
But if it was here-?
A loud snort answered her question for her, and Cana turned to see her father leaning up against the same tree, fast asleep.
He found- he'd stayed-?
The card mage leaned over and gently shook the giant of a man's shoulder, the crash mage waking quickly. He turned to her, and it only took a second for him to remember the day's events.
Cana swallowed down her fear," So, now you know."
Gildarts nodded silently.
"What happens now?"
His gaze softened and he reached over to pull her close to him. "Well, right now you and I are going to go back to sleep, and in the morning, we're going to go back to Fairy Tail and I'm going to brag about my gorgeous daughter to the whole world."
The brunette stilled," You mean it?"
"Over course I do." He whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of her head," Now get some rest sweetheart- it's a long walk back to Fairy Tail and we're going to need all the energy we can get."
Cana nodded and curled up into her father's side, maybe this was just a wonderful dream, and if it was, she never wanted it to end. "Goodnight Dad."
She felt him stiffen and then both of his arms came up and held her close (he was so warm…).
"Goodnight Sweetheart. Sweet dreams."
AN: This chapter is one of my most requested chapters, but it took me the longest time to get it right. I wasn't kidding about the eight different rewrites until I came up with something I was happy with. It turned out a lot more angsty than I expected, but at this point in her life she is so tired and emotionally drained that she is both worlds beyond caring and cares too much. More than anything I wanted to make the ending soft, but still impactful. They are both feeling a mess of emotions and need to work through it, but are just happy that they have each other.