"I don't pretend." I shake my head and realize I might have to call this the first adult conversation I've ever had with a woman. A woman I care about. I usually don't bother because if you take away the sex, there isn't much to talk about. I've never really known those women, anyway.
"Why didn't you do it, Masen? It was all I wanted…" Her voice is so fucking weak, tears swimming to the surface of her beautiful eyes. She clamps her hands down around the edge of the table as if it's the only thing holding her up right now.
I lift my hand and she flinches. She fucking breaks my heart right now. This is breaking my heart.
"I planned on it. Not gonna lie," I run my fingers along her jaw and she relaxes at my touch. "It's never happened before. This. Someone like you. Ever." I try and explain that she pulls — tugs my heartstrings in a way that's slightly scary, yet exhilarating. "From the moment we met, you sorta wrapped me around your fucking fingers. I mean, I'm still in this city for you. I'm up all night trying to find the one who hired me… For one reason." I shrug.
"Why, baby? Why did you do this?" I ask, hoping for honesty.
"I — I can't explain, Masen." She shakes her head and starts crying. "I can't do it anymore. I couldn't, I was just so fucking done." She looks up and wets her bitten lips. I stop her from biting her bottom lip again, stroking it with my thumb. She's not high, she didn't smoke enough for that.
"I even forgot what I'd done because I was so drunk… buzzed from pills too. And suddenly I remembered. I was so ashamed when I tried to kill myself but it was taking so long, Masen. You were taking so long. I couldn't do it anymore. Figured I got scammed by some dirtbag on the internet."
I open my mouth to speak again, but she doesn't let me.
"When we met, you were just so fucking arrogant, so bad, so full of yourself and so incredibly handsome. I didn't doubt you for a bit. I was entranced by you, you lured me in." She kinda smiles through her tears and it's like I've found a pot of gold at the end of the fucking rainbow. "Instead of killing me, you went ahead and flirted with me?"
"I know… you probably think I'm an amateur. But I swear, it's you, Isabella Swan. You make me fucking stupid. I'm not thinking straight when you're around. I wanted to know who the fuck did this to you and chase them down. Because I couldn't imagine someone wanting you dead. I just couldn't do it, although I had plenty of opportunities."
"You want to know a secret?" Bella asked, her voice soft it seemed angelic.
I nod.
"When we got…closer… When I was around you, I was forgetting everything. I didn't feel anything but this need to have you closer. And when we went on that date, I—I wished I could take back what I'd done."
"I thought it wasn't a date." I can't help myself, and a laugh— genuine fucking laugh erupts from her luscious mouth.
"Masen, I sucked you off, we had dinner and you fucked me into oblivion after. It was a fucking date." She finally admits it and it's the greatest thing in the world. In this pile of mess that keeps growing, it's beautiful.
"What changed? I mean, you were so stubborn before."
"This might be the last chance I get to tell you you were right. I know you'd love knowing you're right."
"I'd love knowing if you were alright, Little Doe." Fuck getting burned, I might as well dunk myself in gasoline and run through the fucking flames.
"I was. At least when I was with you."
I smile and feel on top of the world when she looks at me like that.
Ahwww! So as for Ink of Future past: update on Thursdays or Friday? -today or tomorrow?