Nikki was pacing her living room holding Tyler. The little boy was almost asleep. It was 7:30 and Jeff was to have come at six. An hour and a half late was typical of her ex, Nikki should have expected it.
"I don't think we'll see dad today," Nikki said to the baby.
"Squirt," Owen called down the stairs, "how did it go?"
"He hasn't come," Nikki replied, "Ty and I are good. He was nice and alert at six two, fed, bathed, in his cutest onesie, smiling. Ty is almost asleep again."
"Leave the stair door open," Owen said.
"When do I close it," Nikki asked, "can you keep you kids upstairs?"
Owen said, "what is Pickles to Penguins?"
"Word game," Nikki said, "go play."
"Need anything," Owen asked.
"No," Nikki said, "I'm just going to make tea and put Ty in his bed."
Owen appeared in the living room, "giving up?"
"He's sound asleep," Nikki said, "working on not sleeping on me."
"At night," Owen said, "Daniel sleeps on us, in the sling or carrier when we're awake. He shouldn't be right in your bed."
"We're working on it," Nikki said, "we do good until the second feeding then I'm just exhausted and let him sleep on me."
"You okay with Meghan in your space," Owen asked.
"It's your house," Nikki said.
"You rent this part," Owen said, "you can say no and I'll suggest she goes to moms"
Nikki said, "I don't know where Meg will sleep but we'll work it out. My couch sucks to sleep on but I can."
"Headlights," Teddy called.
"I'll go up," Owen replied, "door stays open squirt."
"I know," Nikki said, "I don't want to be alone with Jeff."
Owen walked upstairs as there was a knock at Nikki's outside door.
"Hi," Nikki said, opening the door.
"You look good Nikki," Jeff said, taking in Nikki's green sun dress and her long waist length red hair.
"Come in," Nikki said.
Jeff passed her a gift bag, "this is for Tyler."
"Thanks," Nikki said awkwardly, "I just boiled the kettle. Do you want tea?"
"Do you have coffee," Jeff asked.
"No," Nikki replied," I gave it up 11 months ago."
"Water is good," Jeff said, "where's my son."
"Asleep," Nikki said, "it's almost 8. He goes to bed at 7:00. I kept him up as late as I could. If he's not in bed on time he gets fussy."
"Can you get him," Jeff asked as Nikki dropped the tea bag in her mug.
"I'll get him but he was sound asleep," Nikki said, "he'll wake up a little around 9:45 to be fed."
"I can't stay that late just get him up," Jeff demanded.
"I told you six because 6-7 is his really happy time," Nikki said.
"Where is he," Jeff asked.
"In my room," Nikki replied, "just go sit on the couch, help yourself to something to drink. I'll get our son."
Nikki put her tea on the coffee table and tiptoed into her room.
"Ty we need to get you up," Nikki whispered to her son, "I know baby boy you're sound asleep. Your dad is here to meet you. Come on little man."
Tyler gave a little wiggle and fell back asleep in Nikki's arms. She walked back into the living room.
"Here he is," Nikki said, cradling him close, her waist length red hair falling over one shoulder and draping across the baby's legs.
"Nik can I," Jeff asked using his old nickname for her.
"I guess," Nikki said, "sit down and I'll bring him to you."
Jeff sat on the couch and Nikki cautiously laid Tyler in his arms.
"Ty this is your dad," Nikki whispered, "I know you know Uncle Owen and Uncle Nathan better."
"Nik hes beautiful," Jeff said, "he's perfect."
"He is," Nikki said, "even when it's 3 am and I haven't been to bed yet."
"Can I give him a bottle," Jeff asked.
"I don't have any right now," Nikki said, "and he's sound asleep."
"What does he eat," Jeff asked.
"What do you think," Nikki asked.
"So we have until he's hungry," Jeff said.
"Basically," Nikki replied, "Jeff I'm not playing games. You and I as a couple are off the table. I can't take you back after you cheated on me and broke my heart. You left me on my own with our baby. I didn't hear a word from you until I called your mom then it took you three weeks to come."
"Nik I messed up," Jeff said, "I miss you."
"That's off the table," Nikki said, "you and I can't happen. I won't go back to that, to the cheating, the lies, the control. You and I as a couple can't and won't happen. We have to figure out how to co-parent Tyler and I want you in his life. He needs his dad in his life. Right now he can't be away from me more than a couple hours because he needs to eat. I'm off until school starts then my mom will babysit while I'm at school. I have a plan."
"What's my role," Jeff asked.
"Right now come visit a few times a week, when he is awake, be here on time and when you say you're going to because I'll plan our day around it. I'm helping taking care of Meghan's 8 year old son when he gets here as well because Teddy and Owen have their hands full with their three. Daniel is 7 weeks older than Ty. We have two babies in the house."
"Child support I guess you want that," Jeff said.
"Tyler deserves it," Nikki stated, "it's the least you can do."
"How much," Jeff asked.
"Well I'm paying the full rent on this place, food, diapers, his medical my insurance doesn't cover," Nikki listed, he should be on your medical."
"Nik I need a number," Jeff said.
"Everything I've researched is a percentage of your income," Nikki replied.
"How much," Jeff said.
"700 a month," Nikki said.
"I was going to offer you 800," Jeff said.
"That's more comfortable, let's go with that ," Nikki replied, " 800 a month and we need some ground rules."
"Like what," Jeff asked, he knew she held the power here. So far he was completely absent from his son's life and courts always sided with the mother.
"Scheduled days and times for you to see him that you're on time for, at first he goes nowhere without me. I haven't left him with anybody for longer than it takes me to shower. No girlfriends around him," Nikki said.
"I'm still not ready to be a dad," Jeff admitted, "I thought seeing you, holding him I could make myself ready but I can't. He's okay now because he's asleep but what happens when he wakes up and cries?"
"Change him," Nikki said, "it should be about time for a change then maybe 30 minutes of cuddles before he needs to eat."
"I don't know if I can commit to an every week time," Jeff said.
"Every other week minimum or you'll be a stranger to him," Nikki said, "I'm going to get the child support papers and have contacted a lawyer. Jeff you have to choose in or out. Either we find a way to be a loving team for Tyler or you totally walk. We can't play games with him. No matter what you're on the hook for child support. My mom never went after my dad when he didn't pay and it was wrong. That's one thing her and my brother have said about this is to be prepared to take you to court if I had to. I don't want to fight, I don't have the energy to fight. Last night was our longest sleep on record 3 hours 35 minutes from 1:30 to 5am I got 3 hours in a row. But Tyler smiled at me today. We were at the hospital visiting Meghan and hanging out with auntie Meghan and uncle Owen when uncle Owen tickled Ty's toes and Ty smiled at me."
"Do Owen and Teddy help you," Jeff asked.
"They do but they have a son seven weeks older than Ty," Nikki replied, "Meghan is moving in as soon as she's discharged from the hospital. Auntie Meghan is the baby whisperer."
"Your sister is really back from the dead," Jeff asked.
"She was missing and yes it's Meg," Nikki replied.
"Will you go back to work," Jeff asked.
"I have to," Nikki replied, "I'm going to finish my MEd. I've seen the numbers the more educated I am the better Tyler's outcomes."
"How are you doing," Jeff asked.
"Always tired but good," Nikki said, "I see my doctor tomorrow and Ty has a check up Friday."
"Your pregnancy, how was it," Jeff asked.
"Hard," Nikki admitted, "emotionally more than physically. You broke my heart and left me alone with our son. I had no clue you were unhappy."
"I wasn't," Jeff said, "I don't know why I did that Nik."
"You need to figure that out and not for me," Nikki said.
A small girl appeared in the door.
"Auntie Nikki," Amber said.
"Hey sweetie it's time for bed isn't it," Nikki said, "go get your pajamas on, wash your face then come give us hugs
"Auntie Nikki, why is uncle Jeff holding Tyler," Amber asked asked.
Nikki stood up and walked to her niece, "because uncle Jeff is Tyler's dad."
"Then why doesn't he live here with you and Tyler," Amber asked.
"Because we're not together. Auntie Megan and I are both raising our boys on our own and both you and Ty are very lucky to have uncle Owen," Nikki said, "right now you need to get ready for bed."
"You are a mom," Jeff said, "ambers grown
"The brutal really have," Nikki said, "Allison goes to second grade. I've been reading Charlie and the chocolate factory to the girls and Ty. They'll come down soon for me to read it. Story time until about 8:45. Change Ty, baby snack, I'll get ready for bed and we're both asleep by 10:15. "
"You," Jeff asked, "you don't sleep."
"Tyler keep me on my toes," Nikki said, "we still have a lot to work out."
"Support can I just do etransfer," Jeff asked.
"For now until we get a legal document," Nikki said, "I need you to sign the birth certificate before you go."
"I want to be friends again Nik," Jeff said.
"Prove it," Nikki demanded, "you ignored me the entire pregnancy. It took two weeks and calling your mom for me to hear from you and another month for you to meet our son. Right now I don't trust you I can't. Until you earn my trust you can come see Tyler here a couple times a week or every other week. Or you can leave completely if that's what you want. Jeff you have to choose. Tyler has to come first and I will put him first."
"Nik I messed up," Jeff said, "I know I hurt you and I miss you."
"Things can never go back how they were, you hurt me too much. I deserve better than that. I will not be belittled and controlled. And I sure as hell won't tolerate cheating," Nikki said, "I want you in Tyler's life and we need to get along and be friends for his sake. You didn't even text when he was born. I called you to come see us at the hospital, I called you to be there when he was born. Teddy called you while I was in labour and freaking out that my baby would never know it's dad. Teddy called and asked you to come and you were too busy. I shouldn't have had to do that with my mom and Teddy. You should have been there. What did I do wrong that you ran away from me? We needed you."
"I panicked Nik," Jeff said, "it wasn't you. You were freaking out and felt like crap and I knew I did that to you. I got scared of being a dad, of trying to do this as a couple, your brother screamed at me and told me I wasn't good enough for you."
"Owen overreacted that night," Nikki said.
"I deserved everything he called me," Jeff replied, "I panicked. I didn't know what to do so I ran. I still don't know if I can be a dad."
"You are one," Nikki said, "I'm trying to be a good mom but he needs his dad. You were cheating before we found out. How long?"
"Six or seven months," Jeff replied.
"Why," Nikki demanded.
"Auntie Nikki," Allsion said.
"Bud Jeff and I need some more time, go ask your mom or dad to read to you. I'll come up and get you when we're done," Nikki said.
"Are you okay," Allison asked.
"Just go upstairs," Nikki said, "leave the door open please."
Allison walked upstairs.
"I was terrified your brother would kill me," Jeff said.
"You realize they had been dating for two months when they discovered she was pregnant with Allison," Nikki said, "he can't talk and he knows it."
"I didn't know that," Jeff said.
"My siblings and I don't like to plan our children," Nikki said, "they come when they come and we love them."
"Nik I shouldn't have cheated," Jeff said, "I don't know why I did it."
"That's not an answer Jeff," Nikki sighed.
"That's all I have," Jeff said, "and what's he doing?"
"He sucks on his fist when he's sound asleep," Nikki said, "I'm trying to avoid a soother."
"Is he a good baby," Jeff asked.
"He's good a bit fussy the last few weeks but he's growing and constantly hungry. He loves auntie Meghan ," Nikki said, "you look uncomfortable I'll take him."
Nikki took Tyler back and curled into her favourite spot on the couch with her son, she grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch and draped it over Tyler. The whole time making sure nothing, not even a toe so much as touched Jeff.
"How do you do this all day," Jeff asked.
"I do. I love being with Tyler. He likes to cuddle," Nikki said, "Jeff I can tell you clearly don't want to be here. You were just putting in your time making your appearance. You saw Ty. I hear more from your mom than you."
"What do you want me to do," Jeff snapped.
"Be here for Tyler," Nikki said.
"What rules do we have for raising him," Jeff asked.
"We can't do it all now and it will change over time as he grows," Nikki said, "right now he needs food, cuddles, play time and to be with people who love him. He will be vaccinated on schedule and I don't need your permission to do that. One day we will both meet people, I'm not ready yet but there will be a day that I am. No having people flit in and out of his life if it's not something you think will stick. That's not fair to Ty. Mom dated a bit but she rarely let us meet the guy. I think in my whole life I met one boy, Scott . I showed up at her house without warning. He was scared off by the pregnant daughter and daughter in law. Me and Teddy both having a hormonal freak out at the same time scared Scott and Liam."
"So no girlfriends when I come visit," Jeff said.
"Exactly," Nikki replied, "if I ever decide to date again I will keep it away from Tyler until I'm sure it's something that will last and I'm 100% sure he's a good guy."
"I don't know how much I'll be around," Jeff said, "I'm not a parent."
"We have a son he's 50% your DNA," Nikki replied, "you are a parent."
"I don't want to be involved," Jeff said, "I can't, this isn't what I want for my life. I don't want to be tied down to a kid. I'll pay you the $800 a month in child support and we can renegotiate as he grows up and what he needs changes . But I won't be around day to day."
"Then get out," Nikki snapped, "you can't come in here and play games with us. I want you out of my house Jeff. I need your new address so I can get the papers sent to you. I'll meet with a lawyer and get a proper child support agreement done."
"Fine," Jeff snapped.
"Get out of my house," Nikki replied.
"Fine," Jeff huffed, stomping to the door and shoving his feet back in his sandals.
Tyler began to fuss.
"He's hungry," Nikki said.
"I'm leaving," Jeff snapped.
"Fine," Nikki said.
Once the door slammed behind him she grabbed her phone from the coffee table.
Nikki, "Jeff is gone for good. Just feeding Ty then can you come down?"
Teddy, "I'll come down now, we can talk. Want wine?"
Nikki, "if you have some. I have nothing."
Teddy, "we'll have a glass. It's fine to have one. And I have a great red."
Nikki, "thanks see you in a few. We'll be in my room when you come down."
Teddy, "I'll come down and pour the wine."
Teddy grabbed the wine from The kitchen Owen gave Teddy a puzzled look.
"Adult juice," Teddy replied, "first time since last Easter she's agreed to a glass. I've tried the last few weeks."
"She's okay," Owen asked.
""I don't know but she asked for me," Teddy said, "we'll figure it out."
Teddy grabbed the wine glasses from Nikkis cupboard and poured two glasses.
"Thank you," Nikki said when she sat on the couch, "the girls are in bed?"
"Yes," Teddy replied, "how's Ty?"
"Fed and almost asleep," Nikki said, "he'll fall asleep on his own now. He slept on Meghan today."
"The three of you had a good day," Teddy smiled.
"It felt good," Nikki agreed, "safe. I could just be. I'm safe with them Teddy."
"Your siblings love you," Teddy said.
"It's good to have her home," Nikki said, "but I'm still worried I've let her down."
"Talk to her about it," Teddy said, "another day."
"I'm just enjoying having both my sisters," Nikki said.
"Your wine," Teddy pointed.
Nikki took a sip, "this is good."
"You rarely drink and when you do it's with me so we can have the good stuff," Teddy replied.
"Last Easter I think, it was before I got pregnant," Nikki said, "is this safe?"
"One glass and you have hours before he'll eat again," Teddy said, "Jeff, I heard raised voices."
"I basically told him to fuck off," Nikki said, "he doesn't want to see Tyler or be in his life. He didn't even want to come tonight and was almost two hours late."
"He's never respected you," Teddy replied.
"He doesn't want us," Nikki said, "he agreed to child support more than I thought he would offer."
"How much," Teddy asked.
"$800," Nikki said, "the calculator I used said he should pay 600 so I asked for 700 thinking he wouldn't want to pay and would negotiate down. He's trying to pay me off so he doesn't have to be involved. I need to see the lawyer and get the contract written out. Jeff doesn't want to be around. He couldn't even agree to every other week to visit. He hardly wanted to hold Tyler. As soon as Tyler wiggled and moved in his sleep Jeff lost interest. I had to explain why we don't have bottles."
"You need to work that out," Teddy said.
"I know," Nikki said, "but it's confusing and hurts."
"We'll take a look tomorrow and see if we can make it easier," Teddy said.
"Mom said she would help me," Nikki replied, "but she's busy."
"Ask her," Teddy said, "your mom wants to help. She was like this with Allison when I was figuring it out. She'll be around and help you as much as possible once you ask. She's waiting for you to tell her what you need."
"I should be able to do this myself," Nikki said, "you did."
"I had Owen," Teddy said, "and your mom helped a lot. Nikki, we want to help as much as needed. You don't have to be alone."
"My baby's father rejected the two of us," Nikki replied, "Teddy I'm a 24 year old single mom. I have to be more independent. I have to raise my son on my own. I can't have everyone swoop in and rescue me when I find it hard. I have to be strong and show Tyler how to be strong like mom did for us. I can't show weakness. There's no time for me to be weak."
"Squirt it's not weak to ask for help," Teddy said, "you've done the last year on your own. You hardly let your mom and I in when you were in labour. You've been really strong and independent. But we want to help. Nikki you're going to crack if you keep doing this and holding everything in. You need to accept help. Let our family help you. We can hold and cuddle to give you breaks. We'll babysit so you can go out with a friend. You have all of us. You're not alone."
"I feel alone," Nikki cried , "today was the first time in a year I didn't feel alone."
"You've never been alone," Teddy said.
"I feel alone," Nikki sobbed, "none of my friends get it. They don't have kids or complicated relationships with their ex. I'm tired all the time. I'm up half the night most nights our record is three and a half hours. I still look like crap and have a belly. I can't lose the weight and it's stressing me out. I'm constantly worried about Tyler."
"I know Nikki you've got a ton on your plate. Your a mom," Teddy replied, "it gets better. It will get easier."
"Today was the first day I could let my guard down," Nikki said.
"Breathe," Teddy said.
"There's too much to do to have time to breathe," Nikki said, "yes a couple hours of babysitting would help someone to watch him so I can get a few things done but it's a bandaid and I have to work out the long term fix. Teddy I have to learn to stand on my own two feet like mom did. I may not be a surgeon but I have a good career and a continuing contract. Once I finish my masters and with 5 years in the classroom I can apply for admin positions. My masters comes with a decent raise. I was able to get some grants and scholarships to finish my masters it covered 80% of my tuition."
"How did you do that," Teddy asked.
"I got the email today," Nikki said, "one merit based from my work last year and the other grant is because I'm a single mom. Today was the first day I didn't feel alone since last summer."
"Why didn't you feel alone," Teddy asked.
"They listened and helped how I needed it. Not what she thought I needed but what I really needed," Nikki said, "she listened. She told me her story and trusted me with that."
"She's trusting you with her son," Teddy said, "you're going to care for him when he gets here if she's still in the hospital. "
"Nikki agreed, "you said you were putting him in day camp with Allison. I feel kinda guilty because I said I would watch him but I'm still tired and overwhelmed."
"Considering you're technically still on leave it's okay," Teddy said.
"It's my summer," Nikki argued.
"Right now you need to focus on getting you and Tyler in a routine," Teddy said.
"I need help," Nikki said.
"What can I do," Teddy asked.
"Help me figure out Jeff," Nikki said, "and I need to go back to the gym a few times a week."
"I'll ask legal if they know of a good lawyer for this," Teddy said.
"I'll look around," Nikki said, "Jeff won't sign the birth certificate until I do a paternity test."
"We can help with that," Teddy, "I'll bring the kit home and do it."
"Thank you," Nikki said.
"That's easy," Teddy said, "we'll call Jeff and tell him to get his sample to our lab."
"Do I need to take Tyler in for a blood test," Nikki asked looking panicked.
"No," Teddy said, "I'll do it here. It's just a cheek swab so I take a qtip and rub it on the inside of his cheek and yours so we have a reference point. 30 seconds each. I'll do it this week."
"We can do it next time we visit Meg," Nikki said.
"I'll do it for you and Ty tomorrow," Teddy said.
"I'm not taking Jeff back no matter what," Nikki said, "not after how he treated me. But Ty deserves to know his father. I grew up without mine, I know nothing about mine, it sucks. Tyler doesn't have to go through that. I won't let it happen."